Chapter 31

"Still nothing?" Regina asked, brows drawn together in concern as she left the exam room, a fresh Band-Aid on her hand, and saw her son still completely crestfallen, sitting in one of the waiting chairs.

Henry shook his head and stood up. "You were probably right and she just wants her peace," he said dejectedly.

Regina, however, slowly shook her head. "Still, she would message you back. Not answering anything at all isn't like her." Her gaze wandered to the elevators, and worriedly she then glanced at her own cell phone, on which no message had come in either. "We'll go upstairs and ask about her," she then decided.

"But..."

"We'll check with the nurses. Maybe she's just sleeping, then we'll go home," Regina said, and started moving toward the elevators.

Henry followed her silently, absorbed in his own world where one bad scenario followed another. He only lifted his gaze from his shoes again when the elevator doors opened with a pling toward the bright corridor leading to Ward E.

Regina strode ahead, past Emma's room door and up to the nurses' station.

It took a few moments before Edith lifted her head from the file she had just been writing in and looked at the mayor. At first her gaze was questioning and confused, but then she remembered whose relative was the head of the town. "Ms. Mills, good afternoon. Hello, Henry," she greeted them both and rose from her swivel chair to be at eye level with them. "Are you here to see Emma?"

Hesitantly, Regina smoothed her coat and ran a hand through her hair; her facial expressions didn't show her nervousness, but these small gestures gave her away, so Henry gently put an arm around her waist. "Not exactly. We were worried about her. She... doesn't think much of unannounced visits during chemo, but Henry texted her and she didn't respond. We just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

Edith nodded slowly and folded the file closed. "Well, she probably didn't notice the message or didn't feel comfortable enough to respond," she cautiously voiced her guess. It didn't escape her notice how Regina stiffened again. "I can understand your concern and that it doesn't necessarily help to reassure you. But unfortunately, this is nothing unusual. Emma is very ill and the induction therapy is quite aggressive. However, if you'd like, you can certainly go see her."

"Here's the thing: Emma refuses to let us see her like this. I don't want to betray her by just showing up in her room anyway," Regina admitted honestly, taking a deep breath.

"I can offer to check on her and ask her if she wants visitors or not. It's time for me to check on the patients anyway," Edith offered calmly, who had noticed the conflict on their faces from the first moment.

Regina exchanged a quick glance with Henry before turning back to the nurse. "That would be very kind of you, if it's not too much trouble."

With that, Edith nodded and the two watched from the corridor as she walked to Emma's room and disappeared into it.

The next few minutes seemed to drag on like half an eternity, and while Henry leaned against the wall with his arms folded in front of his chest, Regina paced restlessly.

"Do you think there's something wrong with her?" the brunette asked after a while, wrapping her arms around herself as if to keep herself from falling apart this way.

Henry pushed himself off the wall and took his mother's hands. "Mom, she's here in the hospital being cared for by professionals. She's not safer anywhere than here, okay? I'm sure everything's fine."

Regina closed her eyes at those words and nodded slowly. She had to stop getting into situations like this. And once again she realized that this was probably exactly why it wasn't such a bad idea to see Archie.

"I'm worried, too, though," Henry admitted quietly, meeting his mom's gaze as she opened her eyes again. "If she could text, she would. I'm sure she's not doing very well." He was aware that his words would not reassure his mother, rather the opposite, but he wanted to show her that he too was concerned, so she wouldn't always feel like she was the only one overly worried.

"It's been five years now, but I'm sure you remember the day I first met Emma," Regina began softly, staring off into space in front of her. "She was so...I don't know how to describe it." Slowly, she shook her head, searching for the right words.

"Persistent?" Henry offered.

"Yes, persistent. But at the same time so ignorant and innocent. Completely unaware of what a big deal you had gotten her into. And she was always like that. Others avoid change and unfamiliar situations. Emma says to herself, 'Grit your teeth and get on with it.'" Her lips twisted into a brief smile before she grew sad. "Lately, that fire has been gone from her eyes. The lightness is gone, the naivety, and I don't mean that in a negative way in that case. I may have cursed at her almost childlike simple-mindedness at times, but really, that's something to keep or you'll just get old and bitter. I wish the disease wouldn't take those qualities away from her."

Henry put a hand on his mother's shoulder and squeezed. "She won't. She's got to deal with the worst of it right now. But when she gets better, she'll be her messy self again, you'll see."

Regina smiled wryly at him; definitely at this point the Charming genes were hitting full force again. But she was glad that at least Henry never seemed to give up hope, no matter how bleak and hopeless everything seemed.

"I just can't shake the feeling, unfortunately, that this is now the punishment for our initial behavior," Regina admitted quietly and ashamedly. "We've wasted so much time."

"I don't think so," Henry countered, looking firmly at his mother. "You may have overdone it at times," he smirked, "but that's how you fell in love. I know you're from the Enchanted Forest and love at first sight is pretty popular there, but I think it's more honest and real if you approach each other very slowly, like you two did. I hope something like that happens to me someday."

Regina couldn't help a touched smile from appearing on her lips. "Henry... I'm sure it will," she said softly. "And when did you become so wise, anyway?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Henry met Regina's gaze with a brief grin before looking back to the door of Emma's hospital room. "What could be taking so long?"

Regina's brows drew together, but before she could make a guess, the door finally opened again and Edith rejoined them.

"She had to go to the bathroom, so it took a little longer," the nurse immediately explained when she saw the expectant looks on the two visitors' faces. "She said to let you in," she turned to Regina before her apologetic gaze settled on Henry. "I'm sorry, Henry, but she doesn't want you to see her in this condition."

"But..." he started, but changed his mind. This was not about him. He had to respect Emma's wishes, because she was the one who was sick, not him. Noticing Regina's regretful look, he forced himself to smile. "It's okay, Mom. Go see her and tell her I said hi. I'll wait here."

"I'll talk to her, Henry. She can't keep shutting you out, you're family too," Regina said in response, walking to Emma's room.

"But please don't crowd her!", Henry called after her, and then settled down in the sitting alcove where some magazines and coloring books for children were lying around.

Regina took a deep breath, knocked briefly on the hospital room's door, and then entered directly afterwards. She couldn't help but feel her brisk walk falter a little as she approached Emma's bed and her eyes fell on her.

Slowly, the blonde opened her bloodshot eyes and turned her head to her girlfriend. Her face was as pale as the bed sheets; only the dark circles under her eyes contrasted sharply with the rest of her skin. Although she had pulled the bedspread up under her chin, Regina could sense the trembling underneath. Hanging from the infusion stand next to her bed, in addition to the syringe pump, were two bags, the contents of which were slowly supplied to her via automatic infusion pumps. "You just can't help doing it," Emma whispered from her chapped lips.

"We were worried," Regina replied, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. "Rightly so, as one can see."

"I'm fine," Emma replied firmly, but this was already too much for her battered throat and made her cough.

Regina's gaze became gentle and loving as she stroked the hair from her forehead. "Emma, you don't have to say that. I know it's hard for you, but let us be with you. Don't shut us out."

Emma snorted and swallowed hard, which immediately told Regina that her mouth and esophagus were once again full of sores. "He can't see me like this. I can't bear it," she pressed out strained and had to cough again, a handkerchief pressed tightly against her mouth.

This time it didn't get better for a long time, so Regina moved the headboard of the bed up with the remote control and leaned Emma's upper body slightly forward so she could push her pillow further into her back.

The pain that resulted from Regina's touch made Emma groan and take a deep breath. The urge to cough subsided for the moment, but one look at the red-speckled handkerchief in her trembling hand explained the taste of iron in her mouth.

"Emma, you're his mother. It scares him more when he's not allowed to see you," Regina finally replied, handing her a fresh handkerchief and carrying the old one to the bathroom trash.

"Not if I feel the way I do today. This is the first day, Regina. The first day!" At her last words, her voice finally broke completely and tears spilled from her eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I want to go home," she whispered barely audible through heavy sobs.

Her heart ached as Regina leaned forward over her girlfriend and gently put her arms around her.

Emma winced briefly as her hypersensitive skin was exposed to the renewed pressure, but then leaned into Regina's embrace. The familiar scent of her perfume was comforting, and she was glad it didn't trigger a nausea in her, robbing her of this last refuge. "He's our child," she whispered after a while, during which the tears slowly dried up and her breathing became more normal again.

"He is," Regina confirmed, "but he's not a child anymore."

"He's fifteen!"

"No child," Regina nodded, gently stroking her dull hair, "He wants to be with you. He's patient, but he feels useless. I don't know what the nurse said to you that changed your mind. Or maybe nothing changed your mind and you just invited me in because we unfortunately came and you didn't want to be rude. Either way: I don't want to have to ask permission to stand by you. If it were the other way around, nothing would get you off the edge of this bed and you know it."

Emma fell silent and slumped back into her pillows.

"This disease is taking away your entire daily life and more. Don't let it take away the two people who love you the most as well," Regina softly said.

"You have no idea what you're asking for," Emma whispered, looking her in the eye. "I'm a wreck, I'm a useless nothing and I need help with every move. It's not like you guys would be here keeping me company. You would have to help me all the time and with everything, and if the cancer doesn't manage to destroy me, this definitely will."

Gently, Regina's fingers closed around Emma's and warmed her ice-cold hand. "I understand you. You know how much it frightens me myself to need help; so I can understand all the better how much you detest to be dependent on others. But Emma," she continued, her warm brown eyes fixed on her girlfriend's dull green ones, "sometimes you have to accept that help. And family, of all people, likes to help you. Look at my sister. She's inherent and can be really difficult, I'm sure we can agree on that. But when we need her, she's there for us. I could call her in the middle of the night and she would come. That's what it means to have a family that loves you."

"You can't always justify everything by saying I don't know anything about family just because I've been alone for too long," Emma muttered, her serious facade beginning to crumble, however.

"And I don't want that at all. I'm going to Archie's," she said abruptly. At the latest in the last few minutes, she had realized that it was the only right decision. Emma and Henry needed her, and she couldn't afford to have them worrying about her, too. And besides that, she was tired of feeling so helpless and scared. "Whether you go to him or not is completely up to you, of course, and I'm sorry for putting the gun to your head so much. But I want to feel better, for you, for Henry, and for myself."

"Thank you," Emma whispered, returning the squeeze of Regina's hand. "It scared the shit out of me to see you like this and not have the strength to ground you like I usually do."

"See," Regina nodded, stroking her hair back from her forehead. "You want to help me, too, and you've done it over and over in the last few years. Let me help you now," she asked softly again.

Emma took a deep breath and looked away from her for a moment. "I didn't think I'd ever have to have a conversation like this," she admitted, shaking her aching head slightly.

A short, mirthless laugh escaped Regina. "Tell me about it."

"All right," Emma finally continued, as if Regina hadn't interrupted her, and fixed her eyes on her again. "You may visit me and be there for me, but I have one condition."

Waiting, Regina looked at her, already relieved at her words so far.

"We'll keep Henry out of it." She immediately noticed how Regina wanted to start protesting, so she raised her hand slightly to silence her. "He's allowed to visit me, cheer me up, whatever he wants to do. I want to spend time with him." She swallowed hard, holding back the dry cough that was approaching again. "But I don't want him to come into contact with my illness itself in any way. He's not going to change any bandages, or clean up my vomit, or help me to the bathroom. That's my condition. He is my son and I don't want him to nurse me in any way. Promise me."

Regina's thoughtful gaze rested on her as she nodded. "I promise."

"Thank you," Emma whispered, and in the next moment looked around for the vomit bowl, her eyes widening in panic. Already retching, she reached for it and sat up in bed, her muscles protesting strongly. She retched until tears came, but her stomach was already empty and she merely spat out a little bloody mucus before falling back into her pillows, exhausted, and closing her eyes, breathing heavily.

Wordlessly, Regina disposed of the bowl and set a new one out for her before her footsteps led her to the bathroom.

Emma heard the water rushing, but didn't have the strength at that moment to open her eyes and look to see what Regina was doing. It wasn't until she felt her girlfriend's gentle hand on her cheek, and the cool cloth she dabbed her sweaty forehead with made her shiver, that she forced herself to look at her again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you freeze even more," Regina said contritely, who immediately withdrew the wet cloth.

"No," Emma whispered, gently pulling on Regina's arm until her hand was back on her forehead. "It feels good, don't stop."

A smile, which Emma unfortunately couldn't see because of her once again closed eyelids, played around Regina's lips as she was able to at least give Emma a bit relief by doing this little thing. "Any more meds today?" she asked quietly, directing her gaze to the two bags of IVs running through Emma's veins.

"Thankfully, no," Emma replied, wearily following her gaze. "These are just fluids and nutrients because I can't keep anything down," she explained in a raspy voice that you could hear exactly how much talking and swallowing hurt.

"Nothing?" Regina asked, her eyebrows drawn together in concern.

Emma eyed her and lightly wetted her chapped lips with her tongue. "I'm sure it'll get better in the next few days. By the time I'm through with the cycle, at the latest," she replied, unable to prevent her heavy eyelids from closing again.

"You should sleep now. Don't force yourself to stay awake." Regina didn't miss how much she was fighting fatigue.

"Henry's waiting outside," Emma mumbled, barely able to stay awake.

Regina nodded and dabbed at her face. "I'll talk to him, tell him what we discussed, and then he can see you tomorrow, okay? Just because you agreed to let us in here doesn't mean you'll never have your peace again from now on," she tried to joke, brushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear that had slipped forward as she leaned over Emma.

Emma smirked slightly and watched her girlfriend make this ordinary gesture. She felt as if she had begun to take their relationship for granted and that she was now being punished for it in such a barbaric way.

"Are you okay?" Regina inquired, noticing Emma's expression.

"I tell you far too rarely how lucky I am to have you. I love you, Regina."

Regina's throat tightened as she stared at Emma. Saying 'I love you' was a huge obstacle for the blonde and she never said it lightly. Therefore, Regina found it extremely difficult not to see it as a bad omen at that moment, as a goodbye. "I love you too, Emma. More than you can imagine."

A smile twitched across Emma's lips before she settled into her bed and snuggled into the covers. As soon as she closed her eyes this time, her breaths became slow and deep and her features relaxed.