Chapter 9

The hooded figure went down like a sack of bricks, when Keigo recognized the purple scars

and the strands of now white hair peeking out from under the hoodie.

The cane fell out of his hand, and he rushed down to cradle Touya's body in his arms. It had been raining for god knows how long and he was soaked. How long had he been sitting here? Had he been waiting for him? Why hadn't he answered his text? Shit, what was going on here?

Touya's eyes fluttered open.

"H-Hey, Birdy... S-sorry for cam-ping on...your balcony."

Keigo stared at him in shock. He had been here for a while. Touya was trembling under his fingers and Keigo instinctively drew him into a hug.

"I-I'm sorry... I..."

He didn't know what exactly Touya meant. The Villa, the TV broadcast, his reveal, or the fact that he had vanished from the face of the earth since it all happened. But right now, Keigo didn't care. He was here. He was okay, and everything else could be dealt with.

Where have you been? Are you okay? What happened?

All these questions were swirling around in Keigo's head, and he couldn't form the words to ask them. But he was here. Here. Safe.

He hugged Touya tighter, as if he was afraid that he would vanish again. Safe. His right hand was clutching a fistful of his hoodie, and Keigo felt the muscles tense and lock, talons scraping dangerously at the fabric. Here. Safe.

"You're...getting all wet."

It was still raining, Keigo noticed absentmindedly. Touya moved, trying to push him away, but he couldn't let him go. Safe.

"Don't..."

Keigo shook his head, refusing to let him go, let him leave again. But they needed to get somewhere dry. He could feel the rain soak the fabric of his shirt, reaching the bandages underneath and it burned.

Still gripping Touya's hoodie, he dragged him into a standing position. A part of his brain registered the unusual passiveness with which Touya just let it happen.

He took a step forward, but Touya suddenly stumbled, legs giving out under him. Before he could fall, Keigo grabbed his shoulder to catch him. Fuck, what was that about?

The sudden weight made him stumble backwards and with his cane somewhere gone, he couldn't maintain his balance and grabbed the doorframe in a last-minute attempt to keep them both from falling.

The world was spinning for a second and Keigo had to take a deep breath before dragging Touya into the living room.

"He-Hey... What- Wait a minute. Keigo, please!"

Touya reached for the hand grabbing his hoodie and paused. Keigo could feel the tremor in his hand getting more erratic. Was Touya... afraid?

"Keigo..."

Without giving him any more time to think, Keigo pushed him into the seat of his couch, not caring about the water stains all over the light beige fabric, but the shaking of his legs. Touya looked... hurt. In a bone deep, all consuming way.

"Can you...let me go? ...Please?"

There was now a slight tremble in his voice, too. Touya reached for his hand, but Keigo just shook his head. He couldn't. His heart was racing and the muscles in his hand had started cramping. Here. Safe. Don't go. He could tell the exact moment when Touya understood that he was stress gripping.

Instead of trying to remove his hand, which would be virtually impossible in the current situation, Touya laid his fingers loosely around his wrist, searching for his pulse point. His voice was quiet, pained, as he spoke again while rubbing little circles on his hand:

"I fucked up, I really did. And I understand that you're mad and you have every right to be."

He avoided his eyes, instead staring at Keigo's hand gripping his Hoodie like he wanted to start trouble. Keigo could feel his talons stretching against the fabric.

"I just... wanted you to know that. And I couldn't call you or text you because I broke my phone after that report on tv..."

Report? What was he talking about?

Keigo's thoughts were racing and he nearly missed the next sentence that was quietly leaving Touya's mouth.

"...not fucking handle my own emotions and god I fucked up so bad I'm sorry you didn't deserve that-"

Touya was full body shaking now and his speech got more and more erratic. Keigo didn't know what to do, just that he had to do something, otherwise Touya would end up in a panic attack.

Without thinking, he reached for the hood with his other hand, pulling it back over Touya's head and dragging his talons lightly over his scalp. The result was instant, and a shiver ran through his body.

"What...are you doing?" Touya's voice was raspy, eyes fluttering shut. "Keigo...?"

"Shh..." The sound was more like an outbreath than an actual hush, but Touya leaned into his hand anyway. He knew the nurse had told him to refer from talking, but this was an emergency. He had to say something.

"I was... so afraid... I'd never see... you... again..."

Every world burned in his throat, and it felt like he was swallowing sandpaper. But Touya had to hear it. He had to say it.

"...what?" Blue eyes were staring at him like he had just confessed to a crime. "I... why would you-"

"Jeanist... told me... what happened. You were... not... answering-"

"I just told you that my phone-"

"Before..."

Touya froze. His eyes got a distant expression, like he was replaying some scene in his head. The hand on Keigo's wrist twitched.

"I..." He swallowed. "So you know."

Keigo nodded, a frown forming on his face.

Touya's breathing hadn't calmed down, and he could feel the heat of his palm on his skin.

"It... just happened." Touya's voice was not more than a whisper now. "After the villa. After you got away. We went with Gigantomakhia and Shigaraki into the city. And there he was. He looked so... sure of himself. And everything went on autopilot. I had planned this a while back, you know that. But it..." He paused.

Keigo's hand wandered to his cheek, mindful of the staples and softly stroking the unburned skin with his thumb.

"It was too much. I lost it. Nearly killed myself..." The last sentence was monotonous, Touya's eyes staring at a point behind Keigo on the kitchen wall. Even Keigo's fingers didn't seem to have any effect on him.

"-ey..." He grabbed Touya's chin and forced his eyes to look at him. The blue was clouded, and a small drop of blood was gathering at the corner of his left eye. Keigo brushed his thumb over the cheekbone, wiping the blood away.

"I couldn't control it… I-I did this to you."

Keigo froze in the movement, eyes growing wide. That was what this was about. He shook his head and felt the stress grip increase. He would ruin the hoodie at this point, but he didn't care.

"No... you did... what I..." He swallowed. "what I asked you... to do." His breathing came in short rasps.

"No, Keigo, I-"

"Touya!" His throat was on fire, breathing felt like swallowing fire, but this was more important. He swallowed again, blinking the tears from his eyes.

Touya shook his head, expression full of pain.

"I saw the news report... They said that your wings got burned off. But also that your voice got damaged and the rest of your body-" He shivered. "I couldn't control it. It was too hot. I hurt you more than I had to because I couldn't-"

A sudden shock went through his body and Touya folded in on himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and suppressed a whimper.

"Touya...?" Hawks hands flew in his hair again, carefully stroking the wet strands. "What... what's wrong?"

He felt his stress grip slowly relaxing, but the talons were still painfully tense. The muscles under Touya's wet hoodie were contracting, his left leg was shaking violently, and his breathing was laboured. He was clearly in pain.

"It... was not... a good idea... to try dad's... ultimate move." He pressed.

Keigo draw in a breath. He hadn't tried to use a prominence burn, had he? That was-

I nearly killed myself...

Oh god.

"You didn't..."

Touya grit his teeth and nodded.

"Wanted him to go... out in a blaze." He laughed, but it turned into a wheezing cough instead. "Fuck..."

Tsunagu had told him how he had captured Dabi in the last minutes before unleashing a powerful attack. But he hadn't thought about the possibility of Touya being this reckless...

"You... need to rest." Keigo was stroking Touya's trembling fingers. "you're... in pain..."

He huffed out a laugh.

"And you? Don't tell me you're okay. I saw you stumble and grip the frame." Touya's eyes wandered to the cane still lying by the balcony door.

"...-alance is a little-"

Shaking hands were gripping his wrist. They were so warm.

"And stop talking already. Your voice sounds like sandpaper and that has to hurt like hell. They gave you that mask for a reason, Keigo." Touya's eyes were pleading. "Please."

He closed his eyes, pressed his lips together and nodded. Fine. But he wouldn't let himself be brushed aside like that.

Keigo got up, took a few wobbly steps towards the balcony, and picked up his cane. Leaning a bit too heavily on the mobility aid, he walked back to the kitchen and took the little text-to-speech device from the counter and put it in his pocket.

He turned back to the couch and beckoned Touya with his hand to follow him. When he struggled to get up on his own, Keigo returned to the couch and helped him up, noticing the way he clung to his arms but avoiding his shoulders and back at any cost. He was trembling from pain or cold or exhaustion, probably all three. Keigo laid one arm around his waist while basically supporting them both on the way to the bathroom at the other side of the apartment.

"What are you planning?"

Touya was pushed onto the small seat next to the bathtub. The bath was bigger than average to have enough room for Keigo to clean his wings... Or used to. He gestured for Touya to take off his clothes.

"If you wanted to shower with me, you could have just asked."

Keigo rolled his eyes, but his lips quirked up. He turned to the cabinet to take out towels and shampoo, while Touya reached for the hoodie zipper. When Keigo returned with a bottle of his shampoo, conditioner and a towel, Touya was still struggling to get a grip on it. "Come on..." he mumbled, before Keigo laid a hand over Touya's and dragged the zipper down.

The wet fabric was heavy and clung to his skin, pulling at the staples when Keigo took it off. The pants were next, and when Touya was sitting naked on the little shower stool, shaking in the cool breeze of the air vent, Keigo could take in the damage.

His breath caught in his throat and careful fingers brushed lightly over the freshly burnt skin.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Touya's eyes wandered down his body, as if seeing it for the first time. But he must have seen it, he had changed clothes after all...

Keigo looked around. He couldn't just use the shower gel on his injured skin, but there was nothing else except the disinfectant in his first aid kit.

He grabbed the speech device from his pocket and felt Touya's eyes on him while typing.

"We need to clean you up and get you warm, but the pressure of the shower will probably hurt, so I'll prepare the bathtub for you, okay?"

Touya's eyes wandered to the floor, apparently finding the mosaic tiling very interesting. "You don't have to bother; I probably won't feel it anyway."

"But I do bother."

Keigo could see that he was clenching his teeth, and he laid a hand on his. It was still warm. Touya looked at him and his lips twitched. "Who was the one hitting me on the head again?"

Keigo's eyes grew wide. He had hit him on the head. And not with little force. And he hadn't checked if-

His hands flew up into Touya's hair again, this time on the other side of his head, where the cane had met the white hair. There was no trace of blood, but Touya hissed when his fingers brushed over a bump on the back of his head.

Shit.

"You got me good there, birdie." He smiled through gritted teeth. "At least nobody can break in here without getting their ass kicked. Hey..."

He grabbed Keigo by the wrist as he noticed his breath quicken. "It's okay. I deserved it."

Touya sat on the little stool while Keigo turned on the tab and watched the lukewarm water fill up the tub. He carefully checked the temperature, making sure it was not too hot. The hospital staff had given him a brochure on how to properly care for burns, and it said no hot water or harsh soaps on the affected skin. But he didn't want Touya in a cold tub either, when he had been sitting in the rain for god knows how long...

Touya watched him, after he had refused to let him help, and concentrated on stopping his limbs from shaking. It was an annoying side effect of nerve pain and overheating. The rain hadn't been enough to cool him down, his racing thoughts doing the rest to keep his body struggling. This was embarrassing, but Keigo seemed to tactfully ignore it for now.

"It's ready. Do you need help to get in?"

Touya's eyes shot open. When had he closed them? "No, I'll be fine. Just..." He got up from the chair but struggled to lift his leg over the rim of the tub. Keigo stepped beside him, lifting an arm so that Touya could use it as support if he wanted to.

"Thanks..."

The bath water had to be lukewarm, he couldn't see any steam or feel the tingling against his limbs that came with extreme coldness. Keigo kneeled down beside the tub, a washcloth in hand.

"No, I can do that myself... You should get changed, too."

Keigo looked down at his own wet clothes. He had to be cold. And Touya didn't want him to get sick because of his stupid decisions...

"No, we need to take care of you first."

Stupid bird. "Keigo, please. I don't want you to get hurt more than you already did."

A hand closed over his and Touya hadn't noticed how bad the shaking had gotten. The water splashed around in the tub and Keigo wordlessly took the washcloth from his weak grip.

"Please..."

His body twitched as Keigo pressed the washcloth softly against the burns, cleaning off the grime and flaked skin. He couldn't feel any pain, but felt the pressure and his skin moving in a way that made his stomach turn. He closed his eyes and breathed, cursing every involuntary spasm of his muscles.

This felt wrong. He didn't deserve this treatment. It was his fault. He had been the one who had lost control. Who was-

"Touya."

The electric voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Hawks stared at him, washcloth hovering over his skin. There was steam coming out of the bathtub, that hadn't been there before. Every muscle of his body was tense, and he had folded forward a little as if his body wanted to curl in on itself.

There was a strange rushing sound in his ears, which wasn't the water in the tub.

"Touya, breathe. You're okay."

A hand brushed through his hair, carefully avoiding the bump on his head. Shit. He did it again. He was losing control, and there was nothing he could do. There was a burning in every part of his body, and he didn't know if it was pain he shouldn't be able to feel, or his quirk or both.

"You're fine."

It hurt. He could feel the heat under his skin rising, only dampened by the lukewarm water. Every nerve in his body burned. His ears were ringing. His skin was itching. His lungs-

Suddenly, there was a hand on his face, stroking his temple.

"Touya... You are in control. Breathe with me..."

He was hot. His lungs were screaming, his nerves were screaming, and he grit his teeth to keep his voice from doing the same.

It did not stop the whimper rising in his throat with every outbreath. It hurt. It hurt.

"I know it hurts... but you have to keep breathing."

Keigo's hand was rubbing small circles into his scalp, while his other hand gripped his shoulder, talons lightly squeezing the skin.

Breathe. In, out. In, out. In, out. Swallow. In, out. In, out. In-

He could feel the wave subsidizing after a while, disappearing under the surface, leaving a familiar numbness behind.

"It's okay... I'm here." Keigo's voice was quiet, but it grounded Touya more than any breathing technique ever could. He hiccupped. "Sorry... That was just..."

Keigo nodded, brushing a strand of hair out of Touya's face.

"You're all done. Can you stand?"

Touya looked at his still twitching legs. "I can try."

They managed to get him out of the tub, into a towel and onto the chair again, where Keigo kneeled in front of him on the floor, slowly stroking his arm.

"What was that about?"

"Pain. It feels like I'm a walking needle cushion on a good day... Even though I can't actually feel pain anymore...it's fucked up." He huffed a laugh, but Keigo didn't seem to be convinced.

"Can I do anything? To make you feel better?"

Touya closed his eyes and breathed. "Don't."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't act like nothing happened. I know you asked me to do it. I know that this was a plan. But I also know that I couldn't control myself, and that I hurt you more than I should have. I deserve this..." He gestured towards his burns.

"No, you don't."

Touya laughed. "Oh, I do. I nearly suicide bombed my father and my little brother because I couldn't stop to safe myself. And when I think about it, I didn't want to. I enjoyed it." He looked anywhere but in Keigo's face. "That's the retribution. You shouldn't care for me like you do. We both know that."

Keigo said nothing.

Instead, he took the shampoo bottle and the shower head from the wall.

"Lean forward. I'm going to wash your hair."

Touya didn't move.

"I don't want the shampoo to get on your skin. But there is still some soot and haircoloring left in it."

Touya still didn't move. Keigo hesitated.

"Do you want to do it yourself?"

A nod.

"Can you... leave me alone to do it? Just... for a minute?"

Keigo looked like he wanted to protest, given Touya's frail form and still shaking legs, but something in him understood that he needed to be alone.

"Fine. I'll get some clothes and supplies. Tell me if you need help. And be careful, okay?" He squeezed Touya's shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom, softly closing the door behind him.

Touya held the showerhead in an iron grip. What was he doing here? Why was he even here? He should have left him alone. He should be free now. From the commission and from all of this mess. But he came crawling back...

Shigaraki was out of hand. This wasn't revenge or fulfilling Stain's ideology anymore. That man was batshit. Even more than he himself...

He took the shampoo from the little shelf on the floor and looked at the label: "pine". He made a face. Not something he would have expected Hawks to use. There had always been a sort of nature smell to him, but Touya had always thought it to be from flying through the sky, rather than shampoo. But then again...

He squirted the shampoo into his hand. It smelled surprisingly good. Mindful to not pull at the stables, he carefully massaged it into his scalp. His hands were working a little better now, no cramping or twitching as he got rid of the remaining hair dye and grime. He had his head bent forward to avoid anything dripping onto the burnt skin on his back and watched some of the greyish foam drop onto the bathroom floor.

Dabi was washed away, leaving Touya out for the world to see. It was kind of ironic that it would be his hair to be the final reveal. Not the fire quirk, unusual in its power and closely tied to the Todoroki family. Not his eyes, icy blue and so much like Endeavour's that he couldn't look at himself in the mirror sometimes. But the hair that he was given by his mother.

He closed his eyes, let the water wash away the foam and clenched his teeth. His father's eyes. Big and full of shock at what he had done. Shoto's eyes, full of panic and disbelief. Hawks' eyes, full of hurt but accepting their fate.

The burning hadn't stopped. There was no foam left in his hair, but Touya couldn't turn off the shower head. He felt too hot. He wanted to punch something. To scream. To burn everything in this godforsaken world to ash that was built on lies and false pretense. He wanted to... wanted to-

He gripped the shower head so hard that it hurt. He could feel his hand shaking, his body trembling and grit his teeth as a scream built up in his throat. Pain shot up his spine as flames licked on his skin, immediately dowsed by the water, but still hot enough to fill the bathroom with steam.

He slid off the chair, onto the flood and just laid there in a pool of steaming water mixed with foam, curling in on himself and screaming into the void.