Chapter 10
Keigo stood in front of the closed bathroom door and sighed. Touya was right. But also not.
Logic was on his side, telling him it was absolutely crazy to love a villain that had murdered innocent people. Who did everything he had to do to get his revenge and didn't care who suffered the consequences. To let him in, to make him burn away a vital part of himself that made him who he was.
But his heart told him to look at the man behind the pretense. At the suffering and rage, but also the hurt. The softness that was there in moments of quiet. The laugh that only he knew. The way in which they met on rooftops to trade information but ended up looking at the stars with an expensive coffee cup in hand, sometimes stolen, sometimes not.
The way he had reacted when Hawks had told him about the commission. How he was forced to go on missions he wasn't equipped for. Work with heroes or villains that were a danger to his quirk. Being trained for nearly two decades to tolerate any form of pain, suppress his bird instincts, and act as a public figure regardless of circumstances. How he had to be Hawks first, and Keigo last, since the day he was sold by his mother. How he was told to infiltrate the league, which they had known two days after he had set foot into their hideout, of course, but played along. And the day the commission had found out about their relationship and deemed Hawks compromised until proven loyal to the cause.
The man who had started as a mission and ended as so much more. Who was one of the only people besides Rumi who called him by his real name, making him a person beyond the puppet named Hawks.
You shouldn't care for me like you do.
No, maybe he shouldn't. But he did. And some part of him that the commission never eradicated, that made him able to kill while smiling for the cameras but puke in the bathroom afterwards made him care. The part that saw Endeavour as his role model only to find out that he was not different than his own father made him care. The part that had always tried to reason with his targets before killing them made him care.
Twice.
He had tried to reason with him, had tried to make him surrender before-
Keigo paused. What had happened to Twice? He hadn't made sure he really was dead, maybe he... No. He would have heard if Twice had survived.
Walking over to his bedroom, he opened the closet and took out some boxers, a pair of loose pants and a T-Shirt for Touya to wear, as well as some clothes for himself. On his way back, he picked up the pharmacy bag from the kitchen counter. He probably had to change the bandages on his back, and Touya needed some painkillers as well.
He was halfway back to the bathroom when a scream cut through the silence of his apartment.
Keigo nearly tripped in his hallway, threw open the bathroom door, panting, to find Touya on the floor.
"Touya! You okay!?" Keigo didn't even bother to use his speech device this time and his voice cracked painfully. He didn't care.
He threw the supplies into the sink and crouched down next to him. "Hey..."
Touya was laying on the wet floor in fetal position, grabbing his hair and pulling on the white strands. "Hey... stop that. You're hurting yourself..." His throat burned. He didn't care.
There was blood dripping on the floor, and Keigo pulled the hands away from Touya's face. His eyes were shut and he was gritting his teeth again.
"Hey..." Keigo dragged him up and into his lap, fingers drawing lazy circles through his wet hair. It was smelling like his shampoo, mixed with something burned.
"Why are you doing this?" Touya's voice was angry, frustrated.
"What do you... mean?"
"Caring!? Why do you care so much?!"
"Apparently that's... the only thing they couldn't get out... of me."
Touya made a choking sound. Steam was still hanging in the air but Keigo could feel his hands slowly relax.
"I'm not some stray cat that is fixed with a warm bed and a bath, Keigo."
"I can make... my own decisions. That's what... you always tell me."
Touya huffed.
"Tonight, you're the... the one that needs rescuing." Keigo could feel him tense at the twist of his own words. "Let me help. Come on, I can't... pull you up on my own."
Reluctantly, Touya let himself be dragged into a sitting position. There was still a little tremor in his hands and legs, and Keigo's hands brushed lightly over his neck, before he took a towel and laid it around his shoulders, carefully drying his burnt skin.
"I know you say-"
"Keigo, don't..."
Touya didn't look him in the eyes, but Keigo understood. But he couldn't just say nothing, couldn't just let him be alone with his thoughts. They needed to talk about this.
He took the speech device from his pocket and typed, frustration furrowing his brows.
"I know you say it doesn't hurt you, but you still need to clean and wrap those burns, otherwise they'll get infected."
Touya didn't move.
"I can help you if you want?"
A muscle in Touya's face twitched. "Okay... But please, you shouldn't be talking so much..."
Keigo silently took the supplies he had thrown into the sink and laid them out on a clean towel in front of him. He took the burn salve and the disinfectant and began treating the burns on Touya's arms and chest, who didn't make a sound through the whole process and just stared at the bathroom wall in front of him.
When Keigo had finished wrapping the worst ones with some gauze, his hands brushed through Touya's hair again, keeping the white strands out of his eyes.
"Your face, too?" The staples on his cheeks were a bit crooked, pulling on the angry burns that seemed to have grown over his cheekbones.
Touya nodded and winced as Keigo's fingers caught on one of them, pulling at the skin.
"-orry..."
"No, it's okay. Just feels weird when they move like that... I think I need to redo that one."
His eyes fluttered shut when Keigo suddenly brushed his thumb over the unburnt skin on his cheek and he released a shaky breath.
"Don't..."
The hand lingered for a heartbeat longer, until Keigo put down the burn salve and turned to grab the clothes he had brought from his bedroom. When he twisted his back, the still wet bandages moved in a way that made him hiss in pain. He froze, closing his his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. He felt Touya tense beside him and a hand grabbed his arm.
"Wait, I can do that myself. Don't strain yourself more than you already have. I..." His blue eyes searched Keigo's golden ones. "I..."
A drop of blood trailed down Touya's cheek and he angrily wiped it away. "Just... I should be the one taking care of you right now. Not the other way round. This is... wrong. Goddammit."
Touya grit his teeth and Keigo saw how his shaking hands seemed to grab at thin air beside him.
Touya stood up and stumbled towards the sink, grabbing the T-Shirt and Sweatpants combi. "I can do this on my own."
Remembering what happened just moments before, Keigo didn't move out of the room but watched Touya as he carefully put on the soft pants. When he attempted to pull the shirt over his head, Keigo grabbed his elbow mid motion.
"Let me help. You'll get caught on the staple." The electric voice of the speaking device echoed uncomfortably through the bathroom, but Keigo had to admit that talking hurt like hell by now. He took the neckline of the shirt and carefully pulled it down over Touya's head, mindful of the crooked staple and the burn salve.
"Thank you." Keigo was sure Touya didn't just mean the helping hands with the shirt. His hands lingered on the fabric, before he took Keigo's hand and led him back to the chair.
"It's your turn now. Sit down..." Shaky but gentle hands pressed him down onto the chair, a thumb brushing the side of his neck lightly. His shirt was still wet, clinging to the bandages and making his back burn with every tiny movement.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Touya carefully took the rim of his shirt and dragged it upwards. Keigo hissed when the fabric pressed down too hard on his shoulder blades.
"Can you move up your arms a little?"
He tried but had to stop halfway when his vision started to blur. He shook his head, biting his lip against the whimper that threatened to leave his mouth.
"Okay, okay. I'll get the scissors. Your shirt has to go then, I'm sorry."
Touya grabbed the scissors out of the first aid kit and started to cut his shirt off. Keigo grabbed the fabric and pulled it tight, making it easier for Touya to cut. His hands were still trembling, and the cuts were unsteady, but he managed to remove the wet fabric with a little help and without hurting Keigo anymore.
"Okay, now let's see..."
Warm hands wandered along the bandages, cutting them off and carefully pulling the gauze away. A few swabs stuck to the burn wound and Keigo hissed.
"Sorry... This is going to hurt a little. You don't happen to have any saline solution or something, do you?" Touya obviously meant it as a joke, already moving to remove the swabs as carefully as possible, but Keigo pointed to a cabinet behind Touya.
"Bottom shelf. Left side."
If he had one thing, then it was a little stash of medical supplies. You wouldn't catch him going to the commission's doctor for every scrab.
"Huh, should have guessed..." He took the bottle and a pack of clean swabs. "Can you...?"
Keigo took the bottle and broke the seal.
"Thanks... That's probably gonna sting."
And it did. When Touya poured the liquid on his back, Keigo closed his eyes and counted his breaths. In, out, in, out...
"Shh... nearly done." Warm fingers dabbed at the wound and removed the swabs, taking a clean one and removing the excess solution.
"How bad is it?"
Touya said nothing, and Keigo could feel the fingers on his back twitch.
"It's... well treated. Not infected. Should heal well..." His voice carried an undertone Keigo could not place. Clinical... Neutral. Dead.
"Did they give you something special to treat it?"
Keigo gestured to the pharmacy bag in the sink. Touya rummaged through the bag and took out a pack of antibiotic ointment, together with painkillers and another pack of burn salve.
"Right, we should put this on then."
The ointment burned like hell, and Keigo had to grit his teeth when Touya let some of it drop onto his back.
"Sorry... This is probably worse than the saline. But it will help it heal faster..."
There was still that undertone in his voice. Keigo had his eyes closed and couldn't suppress a whimper when fresh swabs were pressed onto his back.
"Nearly done..." Touya took the gauze and wrapped it around his torso, over the shoulders and across his neckline, making sure it didn't move before taping it down.
"I can't wrap them so tight, I'm sorry." Touya's voice remained strangely quiet, and when he placed the last strip of tape on his stomach to keep the bandages secure, Keigo caught his wrist with his hand.
Golden eyes met blue ones, and Keigo slowly pulled Touya's hand up to his lips.
When his eyes looked away, Keigo carefully laid a hand on his chin and forced his gaze upwards again.
He said nothing, but he was sure that Touya understood. This is not your fault. This was my decision.
Touya cleared his throat. "You should get dressed, too. Do you need help?"
Keigo had taken a shirt and hoodie jacket, so Touya helped him get his arms into them, careful to not pull on the bandages too much.
"Okay, ehm..." There was an awkward silence following their little first aid session. Keigo could see that Touya was swaying on his feet a little but tried to hide it by casually walking over the sink and gathering up the rest of the supplies. "Should I just put these away?"
Keigo gestured for him to give the bag over. He did, and Keigo took out the pack of painkillers, before shoving the rest onto the shelf with the remaining saline bottles.
Touya just stood at the sink with an iron grip on the enamel and waited for Keigo to do or say something. He quietly took his cane and typed into the speech device: "Come with me", before taking his hand and leading him out of the bathroom and into the open kitchen.
It was dark outside, a glance at the clock told him it was nearly nine thirty. The balcony was in shadows, but he could see that it was still raining. He sat Touya down on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter. No matter how well he acted, there was still a tremble to his form and Keigo didn't trust his legs to hold him up without support. That was probably the reason why he had kneeled down in the bathroom while treating his injury...
He opened the cabinet and took out two bottles of water, setting one down in front of Touya with the already opened painkiller pack.
Touya examined the bottle before letting two pills fall into his palm.
"You got the good stuff." He threw his head back and swallowed them dry. Keigo gave him an annoyed look, which made Touya's lips quirk up a little. It didn't quite reach his eyes though.
"Drink."
Keigo practically shoved the now opened water bottle into Touya's hand, who reluctantly took a sip.
"Have you eaten anything?"
"No, I-"
"It's late, and I wanted to order takeout anyway. Chinese or Italian?"
Keigo took the bottle of painkillers and took two with a big gulp of his own water bottle. Those pills dissolved on your tongue if you weren't fast enough, and the taste was disgusting. How could Touya swallow them just like that and let the taste linger in his mouth? He looked at him out of the corner of his eyes. Then again, maybe he had gotten used to it...
"You don't have to- I mean, I should go. There's no reason why I-"
"Chinese or Italian?" interrupted the metallic voice. Keigo had sat down next to Touya at the counter, careful to not lean back against the chair, and pulled out his phone with a delivery app. There were a few placed down the street that did late delivery, and two of them were rated 5 stars.
"Keigo..."
"There is no way that you're taking these without eating anything." He gestured to the pills on the counter. "And you're not going anywhere tonight."
Keigo could see Touya's hands shaking beside him, before he balled them to a fist.
"I can't stay here."
Oh hell, this again.
"Yes, you can. And you will. I'm not letting you go in this condition."
Touya huffed out a laugh.
"Condition?" There was an edge to his voice now, like he was barely suppressing an emotion. "You're hurting."
Apparently, that had hit a nerve. "And you?! Just stop playing the hero here. Because there is no such thing. You should... You..." He fumbled with his words, hands clasping the water bottle so hard that it was only a matter of time before it crumbled. "GODDAMMIT WHY ARE YOU SO FINE WITH ALL THIS?!"
With a crack, the plastic bottle was shoved off the counter and landed on the kitchen floor, spilling water onto the tiles. Touya was breathing heavily, burying his face in his hands.
"How can you be so fine with all this?" His voice cracked.
Keigo just stared at him in shock, before reaching for his arms and dragging them away from his face. He slipped from the bar stool, turning Touya around on his own and drawing him into a hug.
"Tou-ya... I'm not," he whispered into his ear. "But I'm-" he swallowed, "I'm an optimist."
But sometimes, optimism was just well masked resignation.
They had ended up ordering Chinese Takeout from the place down the street and ate it on the low couch table, sitting on the fluffy carpet.
Touya had not wanted to eat anything, but Keigo had shoved the Styrofoam pack of dumplings into his hand with an expression that didn't tolerate any discussion.
"You need to eat when you're taking those kinds of painkillers."
He had rolled his eyes, but taken the dumplings out of the box, eating them with his hands instead of the chopsticks.
"Does your head still hurt? You're not nauseous or anything, are you?"
Keigo looked at him over the rim of his half empty take out cup of Kung Pao Chicken on rice.
"No, you didn't give me a concussion or anything. But it still hurts. Your aim was spot on." His lips quirked up. "My own fault."
Keigo huffed. He was right, but he still felt bad about it.
The food was good, and after throwing the takeout containers away, Keigo felt the exhaustion of the day creeping up on him. Touya must feel the same way, the shadows under his eyes a stark contrast to his pale skin and light hair.
"You should hit the pillow, birdie. You look dead on your feet." His smile was crooked, but it didn't quite reach his tired eyes. "I'll take the couch." He added quietly, turning towards the living room again.
"Touya, wait."
He froze, and Keigo knew that he had to word the next sentence carefully.
"Can you sleep with me in my bed? I don't want to be alone," he added. And I don't want you to be alone either.
"I don't know if that's a good idea..."
"Please." His voice was not more than a whisper, but it could be heard loud and clear in the quiet of the apartment.
Touya sighed but turned around. "Fine..."
Keigo took his hand and led them both to the bedroom. There was a tension in Touya's shoulders, but he laid down under the covers, making sure to be on the edge of the mattress to leave enough room for Keigo's-
He froze, and Keigo noticed his death grip on the duvet.
He crawled in on the other side of the bed and kneeled down beside Touya on the mattress.
"Come here."
He pulled on Touya's arm until he skid closer. Keigo's fingers wandered to his cheek, softly stroking the skin and Touya closed his eyes.
"I can't really lay on my back and I thought maybe," Keigo's finger hovered over the keyboard for a second, before Touya's voice spoke softly: "You can use me as a pillow if that's what you're asking."
His chest was warm, and after a brief moment, Touya's hands began to brush lazy circles through his blonde hair. Keigo drifted off to the warm sensation and steady rise and fall of Touya's chest. He was fast asleep and couldn't hear the soft voice anymore, that whispered into the dark of the bedroom:
"I don't deserve you Keigo..."
