A/N: At this point I would like to thank you again for your numerous favorite entries. Thank you so much!

But I also have to point out the trigger warnings again. From now on the chapters will be much more oppressive and especially while writing today's I had to fight back tears.

I hope you continue to follow the story despite the increasingly oppressive mood and laugh and cry with Emma, Regina and Henry every week.


Chapter 42

Emma slept through the entire afternoon and did not wake up until the early evening. No sooner had she opened her eyes than she closed them again, as a pounding headache plagued her. Completely unaware of what time it was, she listened for a while and finally noticed the muffled voices of Henry and Regina, which seemed to come from the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, Emma made every effort to get herself into a sitting position after a few minutes. Gritting her teeth, she held back a gasp as the pain in her pelvis surpassed the one in her head. "Regina!" she called out in a shaky voice, but her throat was so dry that she realized her girlfriend couldn't possibly have heard her. "Okay, I can do this," she whispered to herself and stood up. Her circulation was going completely haywire and the gnawing pain in her bones made her almost groan again, but at least she was standing and that was the only thing that mattered at that moment. Step by step she shuffled out of the living room, her hands first seeking a hold on the back of the sofa, later on the wall. Halfway down the foyer, however, she felt her strength finally leave her. Her hand was reaching out to the broom closet door handle for support while she leaned her shoulder and head against the wood, looking toward the kitchen. "Regina!" she called out again, putting as much strength into her voice as she could.

"Ma?" Henry heard her first and peered into the foyer. When he spotted her, he hurried to get to her and prop her up. "Mom, come here!" he then called to Regina, but she had already been on her way anyway.

"Emma, what are you doing?" the brunette gasped startled, before rushing to Emma's other side.

Emma rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "I just wanted to come to you," she replied in frustration, then continued to struggle to take deep breaths as the two led her into the kitchen. As she sank into the chair, however, she once again contorted her face in pain.

"Call next time," Regina pleaded.

"I did call!" Emma retorted upset, holding her hip. "You didn't hear me, so I started walking. I just walked to the kitchen, do you understand me? I wasn't trying to train for a marathon, I was just trying to get to the kitchen!"

"Emma, I know, it's okay. I'm sorry," Regina whispered as she pulled Emma close by her quivering shoulders and stroked her head.

Henry stood in the middle of the room, looking at his mothers with his brows drawn together in concern.

Emma sobbed and buried her face in Regina's shirt, unable to fight off her loving touches, as angry as she was right now. On the one hand, it felt good to be held so tightly, but on the other hand, she knew Regina was only doing this because she had completely pitifully broken down both emotionally and physically in front of her.

"Can you please leave us alone, Henry?", Regina asked her son gently. She didn't want him to watch Emma lose herself more and more.

"I can help, Mom," the teenager countered however. He wasn't comfortable leaving the two of them alone right now, especially since he knew how much Regina was suffering from Emma's condition as well, even if she almost never admitted it to him.

Regina shook her head and put a hand on his forearm while looking him firmly in the eyes. "I know you can. But let Emma and me handle this. Please." Lovingly, she looked into his eyes, shocked for the umpteenth time at how grown up he had become.

"I'll be upstairs," he replied tonelessly, casting one last worried glance at Emma's slumped form, still clinging to Regina, before climbing the stairs.

"Thanks," his mom nodded, watching him for a moment before leaning over and stroking Emma's back. "Honey... I can give you your meds and I'm sure you'll feel better afterwards."

Emma snorted and clamped her emaciated arms even tighter around Regina's waist. "What should get better from this?"

"At least your pain would subside," she countered, gently removing Emma's hands from her body so she could look into her eyes. "Emma, chronic pain will drive you crazy sooner or later. Let me give you your pills."

"For what?" she almost screamed at her, her cheeks full of tear tracks. "Do you really think I'm going to survive this? I'm getting shittier every day, I can't even go from one room to another without calling for you like a toddler!"

"That's because of the chemo and you know it. It has absolutely nothing to do with your disease itself."

"I want to go to my bed," Emma's hoarse voice said as she looked away from her.

Regina nodded. "The pills first." She was adamant about that, and she would keep on Emma until she swallowed them. "I know you think you can't do this anymore. But you can. I know you."

"It all seems so pointless to me," Emma whispered, staring at the table on which she had by now propped her arms.

Regina fixed her pills in a cup and then set them down for her along with a glass of water, before taking a seat next to her. "I know. And I understand that, even if you don't believe me. But you have to understand me, too. I can't let you give up on yourself like this. I just can't."

Snorting in disbelief, Emma shoved all the pills into her mouth at once and immediately swallowed them without water. She then turned her eyes to Regina. "Don't you sometimes think it would be better if it were over?"

"Emma!" Horrified, Regina stared at her and reached for her hand.

"Listen to me! It would be better for you if you didn't have to worry about me 24 hours a day. It would be better for Henry. You've seen his face. No 15-year-old should have to look at his mother like that! And it would be better for me, too. I just can't take it anymore. It's unforgivable what I'm doing to you."

"As much as it hurts, I wouldn't want to give up a second of it," Regina stated, her voice much more composed than she would have expected it to be. "The only thing I can't stand is when you talk the way you're talking now. I want you to keep fighting, do you understand? You owe us that."

Emma gritted her teeth tightly and then sipped the water, just so she wouldn't have to answer.

"What's got you so angry? What's gotten into you out of nowhere? And now don't tell me that it's obvious, because you're no worse today than you've been all week," she demanded to know.

"You know... it's been over three weeks now since I asked you to do one very simple thing: You were supposed to get the medication prescribed from Archie so that at least you would feel better. You didn't. What am I supposed to think, Regina? The only thing it tells me is that you don't give a damn what I think or what I ask for."

"It's not like that at all," Regina interjected.

"It feels that way, though! It's been weeks since Heart and you called me out on supposedly being depressed. Well, I had every reason to be, didn't I? I may have denied it at first, but at some point she added psych meds to my schedule and told me to try it. I'm still not thrilled about it, but I trust her judgment and at least I no longer feel like I'm being pinned to the ground by a load of rocks, even if I've been even more tired than I already am ever since. And what about you? Zelena agreed to move back in here. So, what's your problem?" Emma asked with a lump in her throat. "I tried to give you time, I really did. But I'm starting to feel like you're not even considering it anymore, now that I'm giving it a rest. Why do I have to be strong and keep my composure and be expected to allow my vulnerable side while you bottle up everything and reject any help you might get?"

Regina was silent for a moment, as she was completely caught off guard. Never in her life would she have expected that this was about her still resisting the psychiatric drugs. "I will take the medication. In return, you will stop wishing you were dead, understand?" she finally said seriously.

Emma nodded and finished the water. "Understood. You too, I hope." Piercingly, she looked at her, and as another wave of exhaustion rolled over her, she slumped her shoulders forward and took a deep breath.

"You're right, you should go to bed. Do you want to eat something first?", Regina wanted to know quietly.

"Tomorrow," Emma replied tersely. On the days she had chemo, she never brought down a bite. "But I'd really like to go to bed," she then admitted, her voice calm again. "Will you help me?"

"Of course, I'll help you." Regina took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair before standing up and helping Emma to her feet.

"I didn't want that," Emma said quietly, without taking a step.

Questioningly, Regina looked at her.

"Yelling at you like that. But sometimes I just don't know what to do."

"It's okay, Emma," Regina assured her, squeezing her arm. "Really, it is. Because you're absolutely right. You asked me to do one simple thing, and I pretended it didn't matter."

Emma was silent, and now she started moving after all. Her steps were ponderous and by the time they arrived at the staircase, her heart was beating madly against her ribs from within. "Well, let's get going," she muttered breathlessly, giving Regina a wry, reassuring smile that she hoped radiated confidence.

"We should get Henry to help prop you up," Regina found herself saying uncertainly, however.

"No way. You know how I feel about that."

"But..."

"No." Seriously, Emma looked at her and reached for the handrail. "I can do this."

Worried, Regina stayed close to Emma's side, shoulder tucked under her armpit, pulling her up with her, step by step.

Emma kept her eyes firmly on the last step as she forced her body, through clenched teeth, to function a little longer. At least until they would have arrived at her bed. But five steps before they reached the top, she simply slid down, which even Regina's helping hands couldn't change. Sitting on the step, she leaned her head against the banister and closed her eyes, breathing heavily.

"Oh my God, Emma!" it escaped Regina, who didn't dare let go of her for fear she would topple sideways and tumble all the way down the stairs again. For a moment she thought about poofing her, but she didn't want to know what effect that would have on her already completely weakened body.

Struggling for air, Emma wrapped an arm around her middle. All color had left her face, but she opened her eyes to look at Regina. "I'll be all right in a minute," she said with a gasp, then fell silent again, lacking the breath for further words.

Regina, however, shook her head. "This is way too exhausting for you! If you lose consciousness and I have to call an ambulance, it won't help either of us! I... I can't manage to carry you." She hated herself for it, especially since she knew Emma had never had a problem lifting her, even though she definitely weighed more than her by now. But she couldn't experiment on the stairs and possibly bring them both down.

"No ambulance. And you don't have to carry me," Emma pressed out, turning her gaze upward and once again reaching for the handrail of the banister above her head. With all her strength she pulled herself up by it, but even with Regina's help she instantly collapsed again. "Give me a few minutes," she whispered. She felt so dizzy, her head like it was filled with absorbent cotton, and dark spots crept alternately in and out of her field of vision.

"Enough. We need Henry."

"No!"

"Emma..."

"I said no! There has to be another way!" she gasped desperately.

"I wish there was," Regina almost whispered. "I'm sorry."

Emma shook her head and looked up at her from red-rimmed eyes. She could see clearly in her girlfriend's eyes that she had already made her decision. "Regina, no!"

But Regina didn't care what she said; Emma had to lie down, and she had to lie down immediately. "Henry!" she therefore shouted, full of fear that he might not hear her, because she couldn't possibly leave Emma's side to go get him.

Fortunately, however, it was completely quiet in the house and Henry didn't have his headphones on to listen to music, so after Regina's first shout he was already tearing open the door and saw the two of them. "What happened?"

Regina gulped, fully aware that Emma could hear every word they spoke. "I tried to put Emma to bed, but she... can't carry on anymore." The last four words were barely a whisper, and as if in apology, she gently stroked her girlfriend's neck for a moment.

Henry met Emma's gaze, which was full of self-loathing and pain, and crouched down in front of her. "Ma... I'll carry you upstairs, okay?" he said quietly and composed.

"No... Henry. No! Please don't!" Desperately, Emma clung to the bars of the stair railing with the fingers of her right hand so tightly they turned white, not knowing what to feel at that moment. Anger alternated with sadness and pain, and her voice sounded more like a whimper as she begged her son to just leave her on the step.

Henry exchanged a depressed look with Regina before lifting Emma into his arms under her protest, one hand under the back of her knee, the other wrapped around her back. She was even lighter than he had expected, and in that moment, when he felt she was as light as a feather in his arms and pressed her face against his chest, crying, something inside him broke. For the first time since she got sick, he was truly afraid of losing her.

Emma sobbed incessantly and curled into a ball to stifle her anguish as soon as Henry laid her on her bed.

"Thank you, Henry," Regina whispered, pulling her son tightly into her arms. "I'll take care of her, then I'll come over to you," she promised, looking into his eyes with gratitude. Gently, she stroked his cheek before he lowered his eyes and left the bedroom without another word. Regina took a deep breath and then turned to her girlfriend. Carefully, she took a seat next to her and touched her lightly on the shoulder. "Emma..." She didn't know what to say, because no words in the world would have been appropriate at that moment.

Emma didn't look at her; she just kept pulling her knees to her chest with her arms, resting her forehead on them as more and more tears flowed.

"I promised you I'd keep Henry out of it, I know that," Regina said softly after a while, as she stared at Emma's back turned toward her. "But I didn't have a choice. As sorry as I am, I don't have enough strength to lift you up."

"You should have just left me sitting there," she sniffed, "I could have moved on later. You broke your promise."

"It was an emergency. And I was afraid for you. You know what happens when you overexert yourself."

Emma turned around to face her out of angry eyes. "I was just trying to get up the stairs!"

"Yeah, but you just happen to be sick!" Regina almost shouted. She sighed, her tense face softening as she eyed Emma. "I don't intend to make a habit of it, but today I couldn't help it," she then said calmly again.

"He's a boy. Our son. All of this... Today is by far the worst day of my life," she whispered.

"And I don't want you to think that the decision to bring him to help was easy for me," she countered, "It never is... Emma, you're bleeding." Regina jumped up and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand, gently pressing it against Emma's nose, which suddenly spilled blood.

Through her tears, Emma started laughing and shook her head.

"Why are you laughing?" Regina wanted to know softly.

"I wonder if I'll also get a rash or something later. Just to make sure the day is as bad as it can be," she said, still laughing slightly hysterically, and pushed Regina's hand aside to press the tissue against her bleeding nose herself.

"I'll be right back," Regina said curtly, and went into the bathroom for another pack of tissues and a damp towel. With both, she returned to Emma and helped her into a fully seated position. "Put your chin to your chest," she instructed her, gently placing the cold towel on the back of her neck before handing her a fresh tissue.

Emma was silent now; weakly, she leaned back against the head of the bed with her eyes closed, supported on her right side by Regina's shoulder, who had sat down next to her again. The loss of blood, which was now added, did anything but help her to feel better and the dizziness to subside. She didn't open her eyes again until she felt Regina's fingers pushing a third tissue toward her. "Hasn't been this bad in a long time," she noted quietly, and promptly had to cough as some of the blood ran down her throat.

"But it's getting less," Regina nodded, flipping the towel so the colder side rested on Emma's skin.

"Now we've argued twice in the past hour," she muttered, staring ahead of her. "We never used to fight, not like this."

"About Henry we did. And later it was just about trifles like dirty shoes on the couch," Regina countered, kissing her gently on the temple. "I deserved you yelling at me."

"No, you didn't." Emma looked up and into her girlfriend's sad brown eyes. "I hate myself and I yell at you for what I can't stand about myself. I don't want to ruin our relationship," she choked out and had to cough again, whereupon she spat a lump of clotted blood into one of the tissues.

"It takes two to tango, and our relationship is far from 'ruined,' believe me," Regina said, putting her arm protectively around her.

"I'm so tired," Emma moaned, leaning her cheek against Regina's shoulder.

"I know. You can sleep in a minute," she nodded, hoping the nosebleeds would stop soon and she could get some rest.

"And I feel sick."

Regina's lips quivered. She could hardly stand to see Emma like that. "I know, Emma. It'll be better in a minute." She felt like a liar as she tried everything to calm her down.

When the bleeding finally stopped, Emma's hands were shaking from the strain. She couldn't move an inch, so Regina took it upon herself to freshen up her face and hands in bed with a washcloth and remove the dried blood before gently laying her down.

Emma could only murmur "Thank you" before she was asleep.

Regina stroked her back for a long time, trying to control the trembling of her own hands. Sometimes she almost felt as if she was connected to Emma and everything she felt was reflected back to her as well. Finally, she stood up, ran her hand over her eyes, and went a few doors down to knock on Henry's door.

As if he had just been waiting for that, he immediately yanked open his door and looked Regina in the eye with a petrified expression. "What about Emma? How is she?" he immediately assailed her with questions.

Regina tried for a wry smile and stroked Henry's cheek before pushing past him into the room and taking a seat on his bed.

Henry pulled up his desk chair to sit across from her. "What's wrong, Mom?"

"She's sleeping," Regina replied, massaging the back of her nose with her fingers. "Henry... Emma made me promise a few weeks ago that I would never make you take care of her."

"I've been taking care of her all along," he immediately contradicted her.

She shook her head. "I don't mean helping her up or putting her food out for her. Something like today... carrying her, helping her to the bathroom, washing her... anything that involves caregiving. It's the worst nightmare for her to put you through that."

"But I'm happy to do it for her, I..."

"Henry, I know that. And she knows that, too. But I understand her. If I were sick, I would ask the exact same thing. You're our son, and even though you always act so grown up, you're our child. You're so young, Henry. Emma's condition almost drives me out of my mind, and I don't think it's any different with you." Seriously, she looked at Henry and put a hand to his chin as he lowered his gaze.

"I want to help," he murmured stoically, but his eyes glistened wetly and his voice quivered suspiciously.

"I know you do," Regina nodded, pulling her boy close. "But you don't always have to be so strong."

It wouldn't have even taken Regina's words anymore; the hug alone was enough to make Henry cry inconsolably. He had been strong for so long, cheering Emma up wherever he could, as well as Regina, and his confidence that she would make a full recovery had been unwavering. But after holding her feeble body in his arms and witnessing her breaking apart mentally, an incredible fear had taken possession of him. "Mom... she's dying, isn't she? Emma's dying."

"No... Henry..." Regina shook her head and ran her hand over his back in gentle motions, hoping to calm him down that way. "No one knows at the moment. She's had a bad day today, it could be completely different tomorrow."

Henry sniffled and dried his face with his sweater sleeve before looking at her. "She's gotten so thin," he whispered. Pain was clearly reflected in his gaze.

"I know," Regina nodded, holding him by the shoulders. "But as scary as this is, we can't lose hope now. We're still here for her. And for each other."

"I love you, Mom," he said still softly.

Touched, Regina pulled him into another hug, squeezing her eyes tightly to hold back her tears. "I love you too, my little prince."