Albus Dumbledore listened to his story quietly and gravely. At the end of it, he sighed. "I am sorry you have been put in this position, Sirius."
Sirius wilted a little. He had been half-hoping Dumbledore would have had a ready fix to his problem, even though he knew that was unlikely. "Yeah. Don't have a lot of options, do I?"
"I will of course offer whatever protection I can..."
Sirius shook his head. "Honestly? If it's a choice between hiding and fighting, I'd rather fight." He ducked his head. "It's what I'm good at."
"Sirius, you are young. You have many other talents."
"And I'll waste all of them if I'm locked up until the end of the war. I'll go insane like everyone else in my family does."
Dumbledore studied him. Sirius felt the nudge of a Legilimens in the twinkle of those blue eyes and closed his mind automatically before it occurred to him not to. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "What is it you want from me?"
"Er, well, I thought I would join the Ministry as a hit wizard, but that's out now I'm expelled. Could I, er, join your group?"
"My group, as you so elegantly put it, requires just as much discipline, teamwork... and good judgment... as the Ministry does." Sirius winced at the clear implication that he didn't really qualify.
"I didn't mean to hurt Snape," he whispered.
"And I believed that, the first time you endangered his life," Dumbledore said gently. "I do not believe you are a bad person, but you are reckless. Your temperament is a danger in a war, to your enemies, to the people who rely on you, and potentially to innocent bystanders. That is the reason you were expelled. You need the kind of support and supervision we simply cannot offer at Hogwarts if you are to become the wizard you could be."
Sirius blushed at the put-down. He needed a moral education. Fleamont's hand found his shoulder, and he looked over at the only father-figure he actually respected. "Can I talk to Professor Dumbledore alone?" he asked. Fleamont and Euphemia both frowned, but with a nod from Dumbledore, they left.
Sirius leaned forward. Dumbledore was right. He was reckless, and that wasn't going to change in a hurry. "I don't want to go into hiding. If the Ministry won't have me, and you won't have me, then I'll meet again with Bella next week."
Dumbledore's eyes widened in surprise, and his spectacles slipped slightly on his nose. After a moment, he said, "Sirius, I cannot believe that of you."
"Not like that. If I go with Bella, you get a spy."
"I do not desire your services in that way."
"Nonsense. How could you possibly refuse free information? Because that's what you'll be getting, one way or another."
"No. You will stay here with the Potters. I will ward the house myself..."
"I won't stay, not forever." A thought occurred to him. "This is even better than just joining the Order, really, both for me and for you. And even for Snape. This is our chance to save him from them, too!"
"You are not obligated to sacrifice your life for your classmates," Dumbledore said irritably. "Severus is my responsibility, not yours."
"He's doomed. Bella said so," Sirius scoffed. "Unless my joining them is conditional on his exclusion, because as everyone knows, I hate him."
Dumbledore glared at him, clearly not impressed with his cleverness. "You will never make it to that meeting," he said in a tone that was meant to be authoritative and final. Too bad Sirius couldn't listen to authority.
"You can't watch me all the time. Eventually, I'll escape. And when I do, assuming Bella doesn't kill me on sight, she'll accept that I was prevented from meeting her, particularly if I show her the memory of you threatening to lock me up."
Dumbledore's eyelid twitched. "You think you're that good an Occlumens?"
Sirius snorted. "Heirs in the Black family start learning at age five. Try me."
Dumbledore did. His mind slammed against Sirius' with a force he hadn't felt since his mother was trying to coerce his obedience three years ago. It wasn't hard to keep his own thoughts closed, though. "What am I seeking?" Dumbledore asked after a moment. Sirius blinked. He hadn't been trying to figure that out, but he did now. Dumbledore's own mental barriers proved slippery and impenetrable, to him at least; Sirius had only rarely practiced Legilimency, back when his parents actually trusted him. So instead, he relaxed his own control slightly, letting his mind just begin to wander... he saw Snape in the seventh floor corridor and threw Dumbledore's probe back out.
"You're trying to view the fight with Snape."
"Correct."
"I'm not much of a Legilimens."
"Clearly." Sirius flushed, even though Dumbledore's tone had been perfectly neutral. "I will seek the same again. Show me something misleading."
"Okay." He waited for Dumbledore, then as soon as they saw Snape in the corridor, he diverted the memory to another, where the setup was similar, but Snape was followed by two other Slytherins, and James was with him. Sirius opened with insults and dodged Snape's first hex. A short duel ensued, broken up by Professor Flitwick.
"You made it too obvious," Dumbledore stated. "The light was different. Severus' clothing was different."
Sirius frowned. "Try again." This time, he allowed Dumbledore only a glimpse of Snape's face in the target memory before switching over to the distractor.
"Better. Now I'll search for something else."
This task was trickier, but he knew how to to do it. As soon as he felt Dumbledore's probe, instead of throwing up a barrier, he raced through a circuit of pre-planned, unimportant thoughts. It was a different Occlumency technique entirely. He let Dumbledore choose one and flicked from one related but unimportant memory to another: hanging up a cloak in the house on Grimmauld Place, eating breakfast while reading a book in Grimmauld Place, lying in front of the fire in Grimmauld Place with his eyes closed, taking in the view of London from the balcony at Grimmauld Place... when they got to flushing the toilet at Grimmauld Place, Dumbledore chuckled and stopped. "You certainly know how to weaponize minutiae, Sirius. I must have seen every room in that house by now, yet I know nothing of its construction or secrets. I'm afraid Lord Voldemort would see through that ploy, however. He is an excellent Legilimens."
"Yes, well, I couldn't figure out what exactly you were looking for since you never pushed that hard on any one scene. If it was, er, him, and he was going to kill me if I didn't show him something, I'd probably just hide the things I really don't want him to see and give him free access to everything else."
"Show me. Make me believe you have a good relationship with Severus, if not a close one."
That was hard. It was relatively easy to hide all his fights with Snape and even the gossiping the Marauders engaged in about him. There wasn't much to draw on in terms of friendly memories though. He found himself mostly recalling instances where he glimpsed Snape smiling at or laughing with Lily. There were a few times early in first year they had behaved civilly to eachother. There was the time last year where Moony had talked him into apologizing after the Whomping Willow incident - edited for brevity to keep it mostly friendly. There were a handful of clever but not too bad insults they'd launched at eachother over the years, which could be interpreted as ordinary banter once mixed together with typical Marauders fare. There was a nightmare where Snape had sent him a Valentine's card and chocolates (he hid the part of the dream where the chocolates proved to be poisoned). And finally, calling for help as Snape lay stricken on the floor, and the conversation in Minerva's office, anxiously asking "Is Snape going to be okay?"
Dumbledore withdrew. "That was... most impressive."
"Thank you, sir."
"But I don't think you understand precisely what you are asking to be involved in."
"I really think I do. I was at the dinners for Voldemort my parents used to host."
"Yes, but you must understand, if you join the Order of the Phoenix, your life will be on the line."
"I know."
"And if you decide to become a spy, he will not just kill you when he finds out but torture you in every way he knows, which is many."
"I know."
"He will come after the people you love."
"I won't see them. It's safer that way, better cover."
Dumbledore peered at him expressionlessly. "Moreover, the reason he desires you is not the same reason he desires Severus."
"Er... it isn't?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus does not initiate your conflicts, does he?"
"I mean... no, not usually. Sometimes?"
"Voldemort desires Severus for his skill with dueling, but also for his talent with potions, his fledgling talent for spell creation, and, if I may point out, his deliberative nature under stress. Voldemort has duelists aplenty. They flock to him. Potions masters and arithmancers are harder to come by. You on the other hand, he desires for your perceived viciousness."
Sirius blanched. "But... but I'm not."
"You do not wish to be, no, but you could be."
"I'm just good at fighting. That's all he wants, surely."
"You are good at dueling, for a eighteen-year-old who has yet to take his N.E.W.T.s. But as I said, Voldemort has duelists aplenty, older and more experienced than you. What I would surmise he is looking for in you is for you to match your cousin Bellatrix, who he favors heavily."
"There's no one like her!" Sirius spat.
"Exactly."
"...Oh."
"If you succeed in joining the Death Eaters, he will want to see that ruthlessness."
Sirius swallowed. "I- I can show him that."
"With preparation, I'm sure you could. But he will also want to continue to see that ruthlessness. He will want you to torture and to kill. From someone like Severus, he might accept reluctance and hesitation. From you, he will not." Sirius could say nothing, at which point Dumbledore smiled bitterly. "That is why I have never asked anyone to become a spy."
Sirius was defeated. "I get it." He dropped his head in his hands. "You still have to let me join the Order though. And you have to figure out a way to save Snape from them. I don't like him, but it's my fault he doesn't have any other options lined up at the end of June."
"I do not have to let you join the Order," Dumbledore said firmly. "As for Severus..." he sighed. "He attends Horace's club sessions regularly. I am hopeful he will find a suitable position through them. I'm afraid my own ability to extend assistance his way has been hampered for the last year." Sirius bit his tongue. Snape hated Dumbledore after the Whomping Willow, blaming him for not expelling Sirius then.
"Right. Changed my mind again. I'm meeting with Bella."
"Why?" Dumbledore almost growled, clearly exasperated.
"Because this is my fault."
"It's as much your fault as it is my fault for failing to reign you in sooner and never expelling anyone until now! That's half the reason for Bellatrix's interest!" Dumbledore snapped.
"Yeah, well, pants to you then. I'm still meeting with Bella."
"And what do you plan to do when they inevitably ask you to perform the Cruciatus? Or execute someone?"
Sirius shrugged, though he knew he was entirely failing to look nonchalant. "Fake it 'til I make it, I guess. I'll tell them I've never cast Unforgivables before, so they'll have to train me up before trying to get me to do anything big. You'll just have to get Snape a job and win the war before they catch on and kill me."
"You know Minerva hates you?" Dumbledore said suddenly.
"Yeah, I know. Poor woman."
"I sympathize with her."
"Lucky for you there's a good chance I'll be dead in six months."
"Child..." Dumbledore reached out and grasped his hands. His grip was too tight to be comforting. "You are just eighteen. Your life is important, Sirius. Do not throw it away."
A lump came to his throat. "It'll be worth more if I stop ruining it, Professor, and ruining other peoples.' I want to do this, and I'm going to. Hopefully, I'll help you save someone before the end."
Dumbledore sighed. "I don't want you in the Order, but I definitely don't want you facing Bella unprepared. You would need to figure out what to tell Bella, and show her, ahead of time. You would need a method of communication ahead of time. You would need to know what sorts of actions you would and would not be willing to take to protect your cover. And you would need a reliable extraction method."
Sirius grinned shakily. "Yes, sir."
Dumbledore beamed at him and let go of his hands. "Not that I'll let you defy me. Fleamont!" he called. The door opened immediately. "Please try to talk some sense into your foster-son. He's trying to blackmail me into letting him join the Order of the Phoenix, and worse as a spy. I really don't want to and have failed to dissuade him. Good-day to you both, I will check in tomorrow to see how you are all faring. Ta!"
With that, he sauntered out. "Wait!" Sirius called after him, but Fleamont and Euphemia both grabbed his shoulders and held him down. Sirius grimaced and settled down for the lecture and the pleading.
He was a Black, though. Pleading didn't work on him. He had no pity.
Bella was in the same disguise and sitting at the same table when Sirius arrived. He flopped into the chair across from her and grabbed the mead she already had waiting for him. "Hell is other people," he declared, and downed the drink.
Bella laughed. "I like that. Who said it?"
Sirius shrugged. "Some muggle, I think. You were right, Bella, I can't stand the way they look at me. Like they're sooo disappointed, but at the same time so not surprised."
She smiled, took his hand, and squeezed it. "You're a Black, Sirius. It's not your fault. It's not even their fault. They just don't understand us. Now, you have got to tell me what you did in that fight."
He smirked at her. "Would you rather see it?"
Bella's eyes danced. "I would," she breathed.
This was the real test. If he couldn't fool her, he couldn't fool Lord Voldemort, and Auror Moody would extract him. The auror was a rather frightening man who had almost certainly been sitting somewhere in the tavern and reading the paper for the past two hours, occasionally downing Polyjuice Potion. He had tried and failed to talk Sirius out of what he was doing after Fleamont and Dumbledore had, then spent the rest of the week coaching him on his dueling, helping him put together what he was about to show Bella, and generally telling him how to survive in a hostile world. Most of his advice came down to raising paranoia to an artform. All the while, Fleamont was working on barricading him inside Potter Manor with no intention of going along with his ploy to join the Order, though Dumbledore had shown up to attack him with Legilimency at odd times. Signals were definitely mixed. Moody wasn't technically going along with Sirius' plan either, having warned him to stay put or else upon leaving the manor yesterday. Knowing Moody though, the odds were nil he wasn't here just in case Sirius made it out. As it happened, neither Dumbledore nor Fleamont thought to ward against wild animals, so Padfoot got out quite easily while Fleamont frantically searched the premises behind him.
Sirius offered Bella an excited smile and settled his chin on his fist, then met her eyes, welcoming her into his thoughts. The duel she was seeking was right on top waiting for her, of course. She wouldn't see what he did perfectly with Legilimency, which played to his advantage. She would need a Pensieve for that, and Moody had helped him construct a very convincing false memory if it came to it. Pensieve memories carried no emotional flavor, though, so he doubted Bella would bother. If Dumbledore was right, she and Voldemort were looking for the Black madness in him. The disguised sadism. The rotten soul that escaped others' notice for years until it was too late.
The duel started the same. Sirius crouched behind a statue, waiting for Snape. Snape appeared, nose in a book, and Sirius rammed him into the wall. He followed this up with a silent Levicorpus but then incanted "Natrium Morticai" instead of disarming Snape right away. Snape was able to liberate himself from the Levicorpus easily and cast a Protego, but it was too slow to stop Sirius' insidious and invisible curse.
Sirius had never heard of the Natrium Morticai curse before this week, actually. Moody showed it to him. It was obscure enough the wily auror was pretty sure Snape wouldn't be familiar with it, but he also knew for a fact several Death Eaters were, so it wasn't a risk to show to Bella. It was a weird curse that took some time to show its effects, slowly draining the sodium levels in the victim's body, at least that was the theory. It was completely reversible with an easy counter-curse, so it wasn't all that much use in a matched duel. But if Snape didn't know it, as they were betting, it was easy to see why it would be disabling. Who knew salt was so essential to keep the body and particularly the brain functioning?
In the fabricated memory, Sirius and Snape traded off several more spells. Sirius had taken the imagery from some of their more impressive fights over the past year. But Snape inexorably slowed down, relying more and more on defensive spells and narrow dodges until Sirius successfully hit him with another Levicorpus. The original memory temporarily resurfaced, Snape dangling and unconscious, then dropped on his head, then convulsing. This time, the seizure didn't end, just kept going and going, as it had in Sirius' nightmare the day he was expelled. He never called for help, just crouched down and watched, heart beating wildly, although he tried to overlay a recollection of excitement rather than fear. It was unnerving how little practice he needed to develop that skill; he was frequently excited when tormenting Snape in the past. The convulsion kept going until James and Lily showed up and put a stop to it. His explanation to them became a petty and unconvincing lie. Lily's fury was evident. "You know, Sev was right when he said you're just as bad as if not worse than the Slytherin crowd." James' raw anger he took from the night of the Whomping Willow incident. "You son of a hag, that isn't a prank, that's attempted murder!" He allowed his mind to flick to some of his other, sulking thoughts before breaking off eye contact.
Bella twirled a curl of hair around her finger, like a coy teen. "That was beautiful. Were you just going to leave him there, breathless and twitching away, until he died?" she asked curiously.
"Pretty much," he lied.
"Did you like it?"
"I mean, it's Snape."
She giggled. "Your little school rivalry is adorable. This does rather explain why Dumbledore decided you were hopeless, dear cousin."
"I might have gotten carried away."
She patted his hand. "It was the third spell you cast. Face it, Siri, you wanted to kill him, so you figured out how to do it, and you did it. It's only bad luck for you that you got caught. I'm surprised they stopped at expulsion."
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"
She grinned wickedly. "No. I was visiting when Uncle Orion and Aunt Walburga were arguing what to do after they got the letter about it. They were hoping to avoid your expulsion as well, family honor and all that, but Dumbledore's harder to influence than the Ministry is." Her voice lowered further, even though they were speaking under a muffling charm. "I'm sorry you got caught."
"And here I thought you were such a fan of the charming, talented, and good-looking Severus Snape," he drawled.
"Hah. That was before I saw you in action, Siri. Your little classmate Avery writes the reports, and he hates you. So unflattering. No, forget Snape. You, my dear cousin... you deserved the thrill of the kill. You had won it, and it was taken away from you. That's very unfair." She pouted at him.
He licked his lips, calculating his posture and his hesitation exactly. She would know it was contrived, but that didn't matter, because it would be, regardless of motivation. "Have you... killed anyone, Bella?" he asked slowly.
She looked him in the eye. "Don't you read the newspapers, Sirius?"
He jerked his head. "They're full of lies, though. So..."
"I've killed, Sirius. They were enemies, and they deserved it, and it felt good. I want that for you too, Sirius. I want you to know how good it is."
"I... I'm not sure."
She took his hand and squeezed it. "That's because you're only eighteen and have been living in a godawful tower surrounded by goodie-goodie Gryffindors. You need to come home, Siri."
"I don't like it at home either, Bella," he snarled.
"No, you don't like to be controlled. That was Uncle Orion's mistake. But you don't have to be. You don't have to come back and be the 'perfect Black scion.' Reggie can do that. He can play nice. You can play dirty. You'll only answer to the Dark Lord, and trust me, you'll like his rules. You'll have fun. You'll feel... free." Still, he hesitated. She rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm going to make you go kill people tomorrow. That's something you work up to. So... are you interested?"
"Snape's out?" he asked, instead of answering her.
She pursed her lips then seemed to make a decision. "So long as you're in, Snape's out. Can't have the two of you killing each other when you're supposed to be working together, can we? He can get a nice job in a potions lab somewhere, smart lad like him."
"He can get fucked," Sirius muttered.
"Merlin, you do hate that sweet boy, don't you?" He flashed a two-finger salute at her. "Almost makes me wonder if you're going along with me to spite him, not that I care." She clapped her hands. "Right. I'm guessing you don't want to move back into Grimmauld?"
"Nope."
"Then you can stay with me and Rodolphus. Do you want to come now or go back to the Potter place and pack?"
He hesitated again, then shook his head. "I've got my wand. Got my watch. There's nothing valuable back there, just school robes, school books, and stupid, childish junk no one actually needs. I'm done with school." He smiled grimly. "Plus, I wouldn't put it past Fleamont to try to follow me, and notify Dumbledore, if he were to find me packing up my stuff without warning or explanation. Better to just not go back."
"You would know," she observed.
"Yeah, getting good at this."
"You are!" she praised, "But you get to stop running soon." She took his hand and led him out. He did not resist.
Author's Note: Yeah, Albus Dumbledore doesn't have many qualms against getting students involved in wars canonically, but I imagine he would have been a little reluctant to let this version of Sirius join up, particularly out of his direct control. He's so receptive to Snape as a spy in the books because Snape has already "tarnished" himself at that point; this Sirius hasn't, really. He's too smart to just trust Sirius will obey him, though, hence Moody's involvement. He's also too corrupt himself not to take advantage, subconsciously, or he damn well would have figured out a way to stop a eighteen-year-old kid.
Sirius is not mentioned to be an Occlumens in canon, but it honestly makes more sense for him to have prior training in Occlumency than for Snape, being heir to the Ancient and Noble House of Black. He still wouldn't have been able to train Harry very well while Harry was at school. It's also never really spelled out how even Snape manages to deceive people with Occlumency to the extent he does, so this here's my best theory.
"Hell is other people" is from Sartre's play No Exit, referring to the pain of considering what other people think of you.
I made up the Natrium Morticai curse. Low sodium levels can induce seizures, though. Good thing the kidneys usually take care of it, no batter how bad one's diet and water intake are.
I've never written Bellatrix before, so feel free to give me feedback.
