(Rachel)

Finn and I were kissing again during the break between second and third class. Ever since we won regionals, Finn had gotten more and more excited about us dating, while I, for the first time, wasn't so sure what I really wanted. Every day I checked the scores: Finn was with me, I loved him, and there was no doubt that he was the man of my life. Was that right? So why couldn't I allow our intimate contact to move forward? Why couldn't I talk to him about certain things in my life? Information that girlfriends shared with boyfriends? Finn was allowed to touch my breasts over my clothes (something he didn't deprive himself of doing), we exchanged caresses like a normal couple. We just had to stop sometimes because of the little problem he had with getting too excited. Nothing that bothered me. Feeling his erection was an irrefutable sign that Finn wanted me. Right?

Dad once told me that my plans to stay a virgin could change when I met the right person. Finn was that someone. So why didn't I have that desire yet? Why, when I felt his erection, didn't I feel the urge to touch him even over the clothes? That's what the girls do, like the time I overheard Santana talking about how Noah loved the way she massaged his testicles while pleasuring him with her mouth. I didn't have the same desire to do those things with Finn. In fact, imagining having that... thing... inside my mouth was scary.

"We have to go back." I whispered. Finn was already getting too excited eating my neck and groping my breasts, whereas I was already getting uncomfortable.

"We can skip a class." He continued to kiss me, but I pushed him away gently.

"Bad idea." I smiled discreetly. "We're already risking too much with these escapades here at school. What if someone sees us?"

"Why? All the couples at school do it and it doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong."

"I have my reasons, and we're not like any couple. Don't you dare compare us to the vulgarity of these other couples."

"I'm not propositioning or forcing you to give me your virginity." Finn rolled his eyes. "I just want to be with you a little longer."

"I say I need to be in calculus class so I can pass the tests. I'm not Santana, Finn, I need to try a little harder in math. And you even more than I do."

"You've got a thing for comparing yourself with Santana." He said irritated.

"What?"

"It's always like this: you don't think you're as pretty, or as sexy or as smart. You should stop it, you're much better than her. Your talent is unique, you are one of a kind."

"Just like every other person on the planet." I mumbled.

"What?"

"I know who I am, Finn, and I wasn't comparing myself to my sister. That's called a reference point, not a comparison." I pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't mean to..."

"Never mind." I ran a hand through my hair to make it presentable. "Shall we?"

Finn held my hand and we left our corner to walk down the hallway towards my class. We bumped into the last person I would have wanted to see in the world in the last few days. Sam stopped to chat with Finn while holding his girlfriend's hand. I couldn't look anywhere else but at that intertwining of fingers. It bothered me. So did standing in front of Quinn.

Ever since she kissed me in Cleveland, I avoided talking to her, but it was impossible at that school. Quinn and I had classes together and also the choir. She never said why she kissed me, and I didn't try to find out either. Worse, she acted as if nothing had happened. Quinn was still kind, she didn't make any comments about me or her dating. She knew how to keep a relative distance despite the little touches, the smiles, the small kindnesses. It was a torment. Every time I felt her skin on my arm or on my back (she always touched me there when I was without a jacket) it was like burning. Worst of all, she smelled amazing.

Finn and Sam greeted each other before each couple went their separate ways. I looked back. I caught sight of Quinn also looking back. I turned my face quickly.

"What?" Finn wrinkled his brow.

"What's what?"

"You look out of breath."

"Am I?" I hadn't even realized it, but I was. "It's the discouragement of going to the next class."

"But you said..."

"I have to go, of course. If it weren't for math, we'd still be alone."

Finn smiled at the corner of his face and left me at the door of the room.

...

(Santana)

The cell phone seemed to burn in my hands. Soon the results of the new students who were invited to join Stuyvesant for the next school year would come out. I didn't even know there were so many people trying out until the day of the test, when I came across an auditorium full of applicants. I think there were about 200 people there for just 15 new spots. That was one of the ways to get accepted into the school. Another way was a selection in the ninth grade, based on excellent academic results. To make this selection, I first had to take my SATs and also the ACTs just to make sure. I scored 1490 on my SAT, and 34 on my ACT. It was because of that, and a New York address arranged by Mr. Weiz, that I was able to do Stuyvesant's internal selection. But I don't used to show the same academic results in McKinley. I don't know why. I think I'm just lazy sometimes. My average in the humanities was B-. I was too lazy to read the classic books, and I wasn't good at writing, I thought history was a pain in the ass. I liked geography, but not geopolitics.

The list would be released at 10am. It was 9:50. I was in Spanish class watching Mr. Schue give yet another horrible entry-level lesson, evoking all the stereotypes that reinforced prejudice against Hispanics. But you know what, it was an easy A grade, and I could still do nothing for a full hour twice a week. Usually I napped, but today it would be impossible. It was 9:55. Schue was passing out the last recommendations of the day and many of the classmates were already collecting their materials. My textbook was open on any page. My notebook from Spanish class had only scribbles and drawings. I looked at my cell phone: 9:58. My classmates were already getting up before the bell rang. Mr. Schue was making recommendations to the walls, and I was sitting there. The bell rang. I accessed the website. Nothing.

"Is everything all right, Santana?" Schue approached.

"Everything's great!" I said harshly.

"Look, if you need to talk..." I rolled my eyes. Mr. Schue was trying to be helpful, to be more heart than reason, but the truth was he was unqualified. He only worked in that position because McKinley High was a shitty school.

"No need, Mr. Schue. Everything's fine." I gathered my materials and left.

It was 10:02. I reloaded the page. The result came out. The cell phone burned in my hands. Now I was afraid to check the list. I went to my locker to change the materials. What was the class before lunch? Physics. I didn't feel like attending any class and decided to skip it.

"San?" I met Britt halfway. "Where are you going?"

"The exam results came out."

"Did you get it?"

"I don't know yet... I haven't seen the list."

"If you want, I'll stay with you."

"I'd love to."

I kissed Brittany on the cheek and we walked to the auditorium hand in hand. We sat in the armchair, and Brittany stayed silent as I worked up the courage to check the list. I unlocked the screen, accessed the document again. The names were in rank order, from highest to lowest grade. They did it that way because there was a waiting list. So, the 16th place was the first to hope for a dropout. I looked carefully, reading slowly name by name. SHIYN, Song; FUIYOKI, Mike; NOZIMI, Lila... damn, why did I only see Asian names in the first positions? I continued with the list, until there it was, in 14th position, BERRY-LOPEZ, Santana. I sighed with relief, happiness, tension, not knowing why I had gotten into that shit. It was all at the same time.

"San?" Brittany looked at me curiously.

"I'm going to live in New York, Britt... I passed the test."

"I knew it!" Brittany hugged me and gave me a tender kiss on my lips. "Why aren't you happy?" She frowned.

"You're leaving this town... me too, but to the opposite side of where you're going to be."

"That's nothing." Brittany smiled. "We'll be apart for a while, but then we'll be together again. Don't worry."

"How can you be sure?"

"I just know!" She smiled and kissed me. This time, I reciprocated with more commitment.

"You need to talk to her!" Brittany said when we broke the kiss. I knew who she was talking about, and I wasn't going to play dumb.

"Maybe I should wait until I get home..."

"This will take a while because we still have the choir this afternoon, did you forget?"

"So what?"

"I know you. You'll avoid Rachel until rehearsal time, then you'll get distracted by the songs and dances and you'll forget. Then you'll find a way to distract yourself and forget for the next few months and you won't tell her until you're packing."

Of course, it was a tremendous exaggeration what Brittany said, but there was a point to it. I would put off talking to Rachel as long as I could.

"Rachel won't take it well." I sighed.

"My father always says that if you're going to get a shot, you'd better take it soon."

"You're going to be by my side, right?"

"All the time!"

I had to tell Rachel. I saw that I didn't have to tell Papi, because he sent me a message on my cell phone congratulating me. I think he was as anxious as I was. Zaide didn't know yet or he would have called me. I had to tell Rachel, abuela and the rest of the family. I was still thinking about whether or not to tell Shelby. I checked the screen of my cell phone one more time. The result was still there. My name was still on the approved list. I stayed with Brittany in the auditorium until I heard the signal for lunchtime. We walked hand in hand to the cafeteria. I took a deep breath and took Brittany's hand to go to the table where Rachel was with some of our classmates.

"Santana!" My sister smiled. "We were discussing a setlist for nationals. We have some important observations, including things that would sound good in your voice..." She frowned as she saw my tense expression. "What happened?" Rachel began to pant. "Oh my god, did someone die?"

"No!" I tried to calm her outburst. I don't think she really knew that the result would be released today. Maybe I forgot to tell her. Or maybe she pretended to forget. "But something happened and I need to talk to you..." I looked at the others who were watching curiously. "Somewhere more private. Maybe in the rehearsal room?"

"No! Just say it, I can take it."

"Rachel..."

"Is it something the guys can't hear? Is it a secret? Is it something really bad?"

"It's not a secret and it's not bad. In fact, it's even good news!" I started to get even more nervous. Rachel had that ability.

"Then tell everyone the good news."

"Ray..." I hoped she would pick up on the urgency. No wonder I would call her by her childhood nickname in front of everyone. But the effect was the opposite. Rachel crossed her arms. I think she knew very well what this was about, but she had to hear it from me in full. I showed her the screen of my cell phone. "I got into Stuyvesant. I don't know how, but I did... I'm going to New York."

"Que vaya al infierno!" She shouted and scared me. So did the other people.

"What?"

"Eres un mentirosa. Usted ha dicho que sus posibilidades eran remotas."

"Disculpe."

"Si te vas?"

"Probablemente!"

"Era lo que querias? Deshágase de La ciudad de perdedores? Yo?"

"No Rachel. Yo nunca queria deshacerse de cualquier cosa..."

"Bullshit!" Rachel started to speak up. "Papá nos há dejado y no puedes soportar a permanecer com nosotros más."

"Rachel, por favor, escúchame!" I tried to grab Rachel's arm, but received a slap on my chin. That made me angry. So I grabbed her by both arms. "Quieres dejar de actuar como un niño estúpido?"

"Eres un estúpido y cobarde. Déjame ir!"

"No! Usted va a escuchar ahora..."

"Me haces daño, idiota!"

"Cállate tonta!"

"Get your hands off her!" I heard Finn shouting in the cafeteria.

"San!" Brittany grabbed me around the waist and in the meantime Mike was already trying to stop Finn from doing something stupid. Tina positioned herself between me and Rachel.

"Que vaya al infierno, Santana. Al infierno!" Rachel yelled and took off running.

"What have you done?" Finn came crowing, as he always did. He was such an idiot who thought he was a hero without understanding a fucking thing about what was going on. How I hated that guy! "What did you do to her this time?"

"It's none of your business!" I pushed him as hard as I could.

Finn bumped into Mike and overbalanced. He fell on his butt on the floor, taking a few trays of food with him. I was going to take the opportunity to kick him right in that spot, ready to make an omelet, but Brittany held me down again with the help of Tina and Mercedes. People started yelling around and that caught Coach Beiste's attention.

"This fight ends now!" She shouted. "Both of you in my room now!"

"But I didn't do anything!" I yelled. "This asshole jock of yours came in and assaulted me, but you're going to put the blame on me? What the fuck? Have you seen his size compared to mine? But of course you don't take that into account because he's the good guy and I'm the bitch of this school!". Good thing I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

"Santana..." The coach said in a way that felt scary. "In my classroom now or you'll be suspended."

Finn walked ahead. I made sure to stay behind. I looked for my cell phone. It was with Mercedes. I don't even know how it got into her hands.

"Satan?" Wheezy smiled weakly. "Congratulations... New York."

I nodded and headed to the coach's office.

...

(Quinn)

Sam was talking to me about the details of the production of "Avatar" and how James Cameron was going to develop the next three stories. I liked movies, but the way he talked made me bored. My lunch was more interesting, even if the school food was bland. The commotion at Rachel's table caught my attention and gave me a good excuse to ignore my boyfriend completely. She started yelling at Santana and it sounded like something Stuyvesant related.

When Rachel ran out of the cafeteria, I didn't think twice. I left Sam talking to himself and went after her. I followed her with no intention of hiding and saw her enter a room. I stopped in front of the door. Rachel was inside crying. What was I supposed to do? I wasn't used to comforting people or saying words of encouragement. It was easier to destroy someone with short, sharp comments. I had specialized in that over the years. I took a deep breath and went inside.

"Vete, Santana!" Rachel spoke firmly.

"Rach? It's me." I walked cautiously over to her.

"What do you want?" She turned her face away. She was crying hard and it broke my heart.

"I don't want anything! But maybe you want a shoulder to cry on?"

I knelt down in front of her. Rachel made no mention of running away or avoiding me. That gave me a little more courage. I slowly ran my fingers through her hair and she let me. Then I sat down next to her and hugged her so that she could fit against my body.

"Why?" She asked after a while.

"Hum?"

"Why are you here and being nice to me?"

"Because I'm your friend and I care about you."

"Why did you kiss me that day?"

"Because I like you!"

Rachel stared at me with blurred eyes before burying her head between my chest and arm. Then she began to cry unceremoniously. With one arm I supported her, with the other I ran my hands over her back to comfort her. I wasn't doing this as part of my seduction plan that I'd been articulating since the day I left Cheerios. Finn was an idiot, but I needed to recognize that he was a strong figure in Rachel's life. I understood that diverting her focus to someone else, in this case me, required concise subliminal actions. I learned that she liked citrus fragrances, so I bought myself a new perfume. I lied about not knowing Lake Erie to urge her to take me there, hopefully alone. And that's what happened. I waited for the beastly Santana to sleep so I could lie down next to Rachel and snuggle with her. It was one of the best naps of my life, even short as it was. I calculated the right time to kiss her, and then purposely avoided the subject, but kept touching her every chance I got. Her reactions indicated that it was working.

But there, on that classroom floor, it wasn't a premeditated action.

As Rachel cried, I continued to hold her tight. For one of those things that can't be explained, the song "True Love Ways" by Buddy Holly came into my mind and I started humming it. I felt Rachel gradually calm down until she stopped crying. I continued to rock her lightly and hum the song. The next thing I knew, Rachel was singing softly along with me. "Throughout the days/ our true love ways/ will bring us joys to share/ with those who really care/ Sometimes we'll sigh/ sometimes we'll cry/ and we'll know why/ just you and I/ know true love ways."

I stared at Rachel as she lifted her face. She was so beautiful and so fragile it was scary. I took her face carefully and lovingly and pulled her in for a kiss on the lips. My heart raced as I felt peace and comfort in the intimate contact. At first, my caress was faint, timid. As Rachel didn't pull back, I pressed my lips a little harder against hers, now able to taste the aftertaste of lipstick with the saltiness of tears. They were lips so soft it made me want to have them forever.

Rachel kept answering, so I pressed the tip of my tongue between her lips a little and quietly asked to enter. Rachel allowed it. Calmly, I began to explore for the first time the texture of her tongue, the softness, the taste. It all felt so good. The pleasure it gave me was incredible. I don't know how long the kiss went on. But it was long. We got lost in each other and I thought that was the way things were supposed to be. Then Rachel broke the kiss, but she remained comfortably silent in my arms.

"She's leaving!" Rachel said softly.

"I assumed that when I saw you two fighting. I hear Stuyvesant is an excellent school."

"It's one of the best schools in the country. Maybe in the world."

"And Santana got accepted. How many get something like that? You should be proud of her."

"I am proud... every day."

"But how often do you say that?"

"Very rarely!" Rachel smiled shyly. "She wouldn't give me the taste. Nor I her." Then she raised her head to look directly into my face. "I reacted badly, didn't I?"

"A bit!"

"I don't want her to leave... but I don't want her to miss her chance either. But Santana... she looks like she can't wait to get out of losertown."

"What if it were the other way around?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if it were you? Would you be happy to go away and leave your family?"

"No!" Rachel was shocked by the hypothesis. "Even if I were to leave here straight for Broadway, I'd still suffer a lot."

"I bet Santana is suffering too and..." Someone opened the door, interrupting us.

One of the teachers entered the room and started to get ready for class when he noticed two students sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. Without saying a word, I stood up and offered my hand to help Rachel stand as well. I apologized to the teacher and walked out hand in hand with her. We walked side by side down the hallway until we found a restroom. Rachel needed some cold water to wash her crying swollen face. I stayed there, beside her, helping her. It was where I belonged. I had never been so at peace.

...

(Rachel)

It was a confusing day in many ways. Santana, Quinn, Finn. All three were swirling around in my head. In the case of my sister, explaining my feelings was simpler: I didn't want to lose her. The idea of Santana moving to New York and leaving me here in Lima scared me. Santana was my best friend, after all. She was one of the people I loved most in this world. Seeing me away from her was painful and unthinkable. Good or bad, there was an invisible umbilical cord between us that didn't allow us to stay apart for long no matter how much we were mad with each other.

Finn and Quinn were antagonists in a confusing story. I loved Finn, but Quinn's kiss made me feel things I'd never imagined. My stomach and lower abdomen reacted to her touch, and there was something there that I had never felt with my own boyfriend. I didn't know if it was because Quinn was a person I'd always longed for friendship, or if it was because she was a girl. But I had kissed Laura, a lot, and she hadn't been able to make me feel the same way Quinn had. What did that mean? The person who had tortured and rivaled me for so long was now kissing me and comforting me like few others. What did I really feel for her? What was Quinn's intention? My head was spinning and throbbing.

I heard someone knocked the door to my room, followed by the creak of it opening. It was Santana. She walked in slowly and laid down next to me, tucking herself under my covers. We still hadn't forgiven each other for the horrible fight in the cafeteria, but our relationship didn't follow certain patterns. Santana wasn't one to apologize to me, and I always forgave her in silence.

"Hi" She said still settling on my bed.

"Hi." I replied and turned to her side. "How are you?"

"Scared to death." It was such a direct and rare confession. It made my heart squeeze even tighter.

"Then don't go."

"Ray... if I were any other person in this same situation... a friend... what would I say?"

I frowned and thought carefully. Then I looked my sister in the eye.

"I would tell you to go to New York and study at Suyvesant."

Then I understood everything clearly for the first time. Santana had to go, but she was scared to death. Because anyone in her position would be too. She didn't want to leave me and papi, but she had to. It was her growth, her chance to get out of papi's wings, to leave a mediocre school behind and go somewhere more suited to her ability. It was not because of me, it was not my fault. Zaide was the first to see it, because he has a more pragmatic view of the world. We were the ones who didn't want to see it.

"I need your help." Santana's voice came out as a desperate whisper.

"How?"

"Encourage me."

"I can piss you off so much you'll be packing in 30 seconds." I forced a smile, already starting to cry.

"That would be a start." Santana laughed tearfully.

"I am so proud of you!" I said as firmly as my shaking voice would allow. "When we were little, I always loved watching you. You did such amazing things... you were the star of our soccer team, you climbed all the trees in our neighborhood, you climbed walls, you got into pranks with the neighborhood... I thought you could fly if you wanted to." Then I spoke seriously, with a firm voice. "Today, I'm sure of it." Santana was melting into tears by then. "I'm not going to lie, I want you to stay because I'm a selfish jerk. But the truth is you're much bigger, Santy. Lima is not your place..."

"Nor is it yours, Ray... Lima is not our place."