Feeling


"Hmmm. Anxiety can have a numbing effect on people's emotions and their feelings, even bodily," I said from a textbook. Demi rose his eyebrow.

"What are you suggesting?"

"I was just thinking. What if Tigress's inability to feel wasn't only physical."

*********F**********

The tiger walked up the stone steps under the dimming sky. "I wonder what Po wants now," she said. The panda had been acting strangely for a while since Po and Master Shifu started making lessons about meditation and calming exercises. Tigress shrugged at the thought. Maybe Shifu wanted to give Po some way to be more confident because she couldn't see this exercise working for Po's case. The panda was the most hyper-energetic person they knew. Getting him to stand still and wait required him to eat, rest, or a miracle.

Or someone nearly dying.

Either way, the moon illuminated her way up the hill where the Scared Peach Tree stood. The wind gently brushed her fur, but she didn't feel it.

She never felt its gentle caress.

She found Po with his legs crossed and eyes shut. His hand rested on the tops of his legs while he sat up perfectly straight. He took deep, slow breaths, barely making his stomach rise. Tigress walked in front of him. He didn't say anything or even open his eyes. She waved her hand. Still nothing. "Po?" The panda gently opened his eyes and smiled.

"Ah, Tigress. I've been waiting for you."

"Master Shifu said you needed me?"

"I wanted you, not needed," Po replied. The tiger rose a stripped eyebrow. Po rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry, Shifu's talk is rubbing off on me."

"What did you want me for, Po?"

"Well, you know how Shifu's been teaching me about meditation and stuff? You know, to help the mind and universe junk."

"I think it's a little more than just... universe junk."

Po rolled his eyes. "The point is that I was talking to Master Shifu, and he told me that meditation could help someone with trauma or when they have bad stuff happen to them."

"So?"

"So I want to do it with you," Po beamed. A low growl left Tigress's mouth as she narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Are you suggesting that something is wrong with me?"

"I... I... I didn't say that. I just... I just wanted to have someone help me."

"With what?"

"Meditating. It's just..." Po sighed, "After Kai, Shen, and Tai-Lung and everything else, I wanted to... you know... move on... It's just... I have a lot of nightmares about this stuff and... I need some help. That's why I've been doing this. I've been trying to feel a little better about..." He never finished. He just stared at the ground, sagging his shoulders with a long frown. Tigress could see the tired eyes, tensed muscles, and shallow breathing. Why did she not notice this sooner? Was this why he meditated alone with Shifu?

A small smile spread across Tigress's face. "Okay, Po."

"Really?"

"But meditation usually requires someone else speaking. Are you sure you want me to do it?"

"Why not?"

"You tend to tense up whenever I talk," Tigress said.

Po laughed, "That's because I usually do something stupid and you're mad at me."

"Hmm, that is true," She smirked.

"But how about this," Po said. "I'll start talking first and then you'll talk tomorrow night, okay?" Tigress stood silent. Two weights balanced on a scale in her mind. On one side, the cons. She didn't know what the result of meditating with Po would be. She had meditated a lot with Master Shifu in her younger years, but Po was a wild card. On the other side, Po being a wild card may be the exact reason why she needed to meditate with him. Someone had to guide him through it. As the tiger tapped her finger against her forearm, she came to her decision.

"Okay." The panda grinned as she sat down. The gentle breeze swung around them while blowing leaves off the peach tree; the tiger watched them for a moment. What were they trying to tell her? A sign? A warning? She looked at the smiling panda.

Anything with Po was a surprise.

She crossed her legs and breathed. "Alright. Now... uh... how does this go?" Tigress peeked at Po with a smirk. "Uhh... Oh Okay, uh... just take a deep breath and... think about a place that makes you happy. Whether that be the Training Hall... or..." His pause caused Tigress to open her eye. "Actually is there any other place that actually makes you happy?"

"The Jade Palace."

"Other than that?" Po asked. Tigress looked at him. Was there any? Like the flowering mountain when it was spring? Or the quiet misty mountain tops of the sacred natural sanctuary. "Well?" Her eyes locked onto Po's. The jade in his cast a sharp contrast against the night sky. The moon illuminated his furry body like a spotlight.

"Here. I like being here, too."

"At the Peach Tree. Okay, that makes sense," Po smiled.

"Yes... the Peach tree."

"Alright. Now think about that favorite place and close your eyes." Tigress did so. "Breathe in and out... slowly." Po opened his eyes and found the tiger's tail swishing around. He never saw that before. It swished against the blades of grass, causing him to look at her face. It twitched. "Just breathe in and out. Think about good things. Think about your body relaxing." The twitch grew. "And you're not alone. You're here, safe." He touched her hand. She jumped. "It's okay. You're safe."

Her eyes opened up, looking at the panda's worried face. The tiger pursed her lips together. "What's wrong?"

"I... I just don't want to do this the wrong way," Tigress replied.

"Tigress, I always do meditation wrong. There is no right way to do it."

"Master Shifu-"

"Master Shifu isn't here," Po said. Of course, he wasn't. Then why did she feel like Po would correct her the moment something was out of place? Why did it feel like she was on shaky ground with him? Her heart started sinking, though she didn't know why. "It's okay, Tigress. It's okay." The panda gently squeezed her hand. "I'm here." Tigress took a deep breath and breathed out the stress and strain in her chest. Her lungs relaxed, slowly taking in air through her belly and not her chest. "Good. Now, I want you to see everything that you've done so far as a journey. Each breath you take is one more step forward."

"To where?"

"I don't know," Po said. "But I promise to help you get there."

"Why are you really doing this, Po?" Tigress asked. "There seems to be something else you're more concerned about." The panda clamped his lips together. Everything and anything could be used as a distraction.

But the truth was probably the best. Po sighed, "I... I want to try and...help. I know you don't talk much about your feelings and past and stuff, but... If I could... you know... help some way."

"Why?"

"I..." Words caught in his mouth. He could feel his throat closing up, but his heart bravely spoke for him. "Because I can see that, even though you don't physically feel, you're still hurting. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being silly."

"I would say caring," Tigress smiled. "And I appreciate it." The panda's smile shone through the night. "Now, let's continue."

"Okay." Po released her hand. "Take a deep breath, and just think about where you are right now. Here." A massive tension in her lower back relaxed, and Tigress's heart suddenly pounded.

She gasped and popped her eyes open. "What was...that?"

"When you're meditating, sometimes you unlock some tense muscles. Hehe, it spooked me the first time it happened. You don't realize how much stress you can hide in your muscles without knowing it."

"I... I see." Once Tigress's heart came down, Po helped her resettle.

"Now, I want you to think of something. I want you to think of your fears. Put a name to them, even if they don't fit. Just name them."

"O... Okay," Tigress quietly gulped.

"I want you to be brave. Think about those fears. Those things you tried to avoid." Tigress shivered until she felt Po's hand on hers. "Even if those fears happen, what is the most that they can do to you? Nothing. Don't doubt yourself. Now, think about what you've done. All the good you've done."

"I...I can't-" Her voice turned hoarse as she shivered horribly. Her heart pounded in her chest and ears. Her lungs started closing up again. Her fears grew legs and marched towards her in her mind, towering over her. In a dismantled field, she saw her friends' bodies rotting and broken; Shifu crying and yelling at her, at her failure. The world melted away. The valley was a leveled field of broken houses and bones. A large hole opened up and swallowed her.

"You can." Something real rested on her shoulder. Hands. Warm hands. She didn't need to open her eyes to know it was Po. "I'm here. I'll be here with you."

She took another deep breath, blowing fresh air into every bone and muscle in her body, and blew out all the pain, agony, and self-deceit.

And something else.

Tigress's eyes opened wide. She panted hard, drinking in the fresh air. She looked at her hands as if it was her first time seeing them. Po sat next to her. "How do you feel?" She didn't say anything. She just looked at Po for a moment like the most lost child in the world. "Uh... Tigress?"

Sniff!

"Huh?" Before Po could say anything else, Tigress latched onto him and buried her head into his fluffy chest. Every bone in her body shook, rattling with the frail pieces of her heart. She looked up. Her eyes filled with tears burning down her cheeks. "Tigress."

"I... I..." She couldn't say it. All she could do was cry and cry and cry. Tigress wetted the panda's chest with her tears. There was nothing Po could do other than rub her back and soothe her.

"It's okay. It's okay, let it out," Po hummed. He didn't know what caused her to cry or if it was something good or bad.

Hopefully, it was good.

Tigress must have cried for an hour. Neither Po nor Tigress remembered. Grief sat with Tigress until they fell asleep. The next morning, when the sun's brightness spread over the valley, Tigress blinked her sleepy fog away, yawning. Her mouth dropped when she saw the sunrise. The bright blue sky mixed with pink, red, and yellow on the clouds dotted down its canvas. She took a deep breath. The scent of earth, flowers, and air excited her lungs. Normally, she was told it was cold in the mountains. She remembered being cold when she was younger, but she thought she grew out of that, yet a chilly gust corrected her thoughts, and she shivered.

But Tigress felt warm. A deep warm snuggling around her, threatening to put her to sleep again. When it breathed, she looked up. Po had wrapped his arms around her and fallen asleep with her. The events of last night flooded her mind. She felt her face burn; a sensation she hadn't felt in a while. When she moved, Po jerked up. "HA! What what's going on?"

"Good morning, Po," Tigress smiled. She rested her hands on his chest like they were supposed to be there.

"Oh! Tigress, you're up. I'm sorry about last night," He apologized and yawned. "I didn't mean to make you cry and-"

"It's alright, Po," Tigress replied. "I feel... better."

"That's great!"

"But... different."

"Good or bad different?" Po asked. She looked at her hand, rubbing her thumb across the palm.

"I don't know," She said and then smiled. "But I'm eager to find out." The smile shocked Po. It was wider than he remembered. In fact, it couldn't be any bigger if she tried. "Come on, Master Shifu and the others must be worried about us."

"Right, right."

"And Po? Thank you for this."

"You're welcome. But I don't know what I gave you," Po said. Tigress grinned.

"I do."

And just like that, the Jade Palace was never the same.

Tigress was still bold and willing as ever, but her strength grew twentyfold. She found herself laughing more, smiling more, especially around Po. Master Shifu and the others welcomed the change, but they still couldn't figure out what happened that changed all of it. She offered to play more with the orphans down in the village, and the kids loved her immediately. She wasn't the scary tiger that had this cool awesome strength anymore. She was calm and loving around them. Tigress always had her soft side, but it seemed like she embraced it more.

She was also more ruthless with bandits, especially if they hurt any children. Within three weeks, most of the children in the valley knew Tigress pretty well, but when bandits would come, the thieves found that a pissed-off Tigress would be right around the corner to smash them through the wall.

She'd fix the wall later, of course, but she was still angry.

There was one thing that no one was prepared for. While Tigress still greatly respected Shifu, she became bolder with her opinions and thoughts, to the point that Shifu and Tigress would outright argue about what was the right plan to do. Surprisingly, she would not hold her opinion back, and it was Shifu who would concede to respect her opinion.

Her anger had transformed into something else. Anytime Po messed up, she wasn't just annoyed. She'd laugh, roll her eyes, growl, snicker, look confused, or simply shake her head with a smile. Normally, Po just got an annoyed growl.

After three months of this, Po's curiosity got the best of him. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. Tigress stopped her onion chopping and looked at him. She was helping Mr. Ping at the noodle shop. Another thing she never used to do. The tiger glanced at him before getting back to work.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... this? You always used to be so serious about training and Kung Fu and... stuff."

"I still am."

"Yeah, but now it's like you're... I don't know... being better?"

Tigress rose her eyebrow, side-glancing the panda. "Are you saying that-"

"Let me rephrase that," Po nervously laughed. "I'm saying that it looks like you just... got... more life? Does that make sense? I mean, what happened when we started meditating that... freed you?"

Tigress smiled. "I just felt like I... didn't have to hide my feelings as much."

"But I thought you didn't have any feelings." The tiger glared. "I-I-I-I mean I thought that you didn't really like... showing your feelings."

"I... I didn't like showing them because I was afraid of what people would think of me, of what Master Shifu would think of me. I figured that... showing emotion like you do would... make me lose the fight against villains." She sighed and got another onion to cut. "But."

"But?"

"But that's not the case. The meditation made all of my fears come right before me and...I started to just... let them happen." Tigress kept chopping the onions with an absentminded gaze. "But you helped me see that even if those things happen, it's not the end of the world. Instead of worrying about what I can't fix, and what's out of my hand, I should enjoy the present moment." She glanced at Po briefly and gave a small smile. "And the small surprises it gives me."

"Wow, that's some... real Oogway talk right there."

"Hm," Tigress grinned.

Sling!

"Ah! Ow!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah just cut myself," Tigress grunted. Sure enough, a drop of blood started to trickle out. Po quickly grabbed some bandages and put some lemon juice on the wound.

"It's gonna sting for a moment." Po dripped the juices onto her. The tiger winced but relaxed after Po wrapped the bandage around it. "There. Feel better?"

"Yeah, better," Tigress sighed.

"Hey, dad! Tigress cut her finger, could we-"

"Say no more," Mr. Ping said. "Thanks for filling in for us, eh? Po can get really distracted."

"Thanks, Dad," Po muttered. As the two walked out of the shop, Po noticed that Tigress kept glancing at him. "What? Is your cut okay?"

"Yes, it's fine. I'm just... surprised."

"About what?" Po asked.

"That it's taking this long," Tigress tittered. Po tilted his head but shrugged. They continued up the mountain Until...

"WAIT! YOU CAN BE HURT! YOU CAN FEEL?! What happened to no feeling in your hands because of awesome warrior punching Irontrees and... and... HUH!"

"There we go," Tigress grinned. "I was beginning to worry."

"How are you able to feel? I mean... you know what I mean," Po muttered. Tigress looked at her hand.

"When I was meditating with you the first time, I felt something snap, but I also felt something release. Like I could feel myself being free. By morning, I felt immensely sore. But I felt something else."

"What?" Tigress looked straight into Po's eyes. The panda couldn't speak. His eyes just darted around the place. The instant nervousness caught him by surprise. Why? Just something about her stare frightened him.

In a good way.

"I... I felt you." She placed her hand on his soft chest. "Your fur was so warm and plush...It felt like a swaddling cloth. It helped me feel safe. Safer than I've ever felt before."

"Uh... I'm glad, but... how does-"

"I don't know. Maybe the life I've lived is what really made me numb," Tigress said.

"So it... wasn't punching ironwood trees?" Tigress shook her head. "Whoa. I... I didn't mean to change you that much."

"But you did. And I'm glad," Tigress smiled. The panda beamed back.

"Is that why you're always around me? Because I'm warm?"

"It's not just that, Po," Tigress said, "You're very comforting and... I just finally allowed myself to receive that comfort."

"Uh... I get it?" Po said, unsure. Tigress shook her head with a smile.

Now there's more that happened with Tigress and her newfound feelings, but that's another story.

The End.

"You know that doesn't really happen," Demi said.

"You don't know that," I mumbled under my breath.

"Actually, I do. You do."

"Just let me have a story, okay?"