Being Enough
"Why do you think Christmas has gotten more... dead?" I asked.
"Commercialism," Demi groused.
I snorted, "Alright, Grinch, any other reason?" Demi looked up at the white popcorn ceiling and shrugged.
"We can't enjoy what we get."
"Huh?"
"Why do you think Thanksgiving comes before Christmas?" He said. "What's the point of getting if you can't enjoy what you have already?"
"Hmmm." A smile came to my face.
*****F*******
Her fingers typed furiously at the computer while the blue light flashed against her stoic face. The long hours were making her backache, or maybe that was just her positioning. Tigress rolled her shoulders back and continued on, hearing faint goodbyes and "what are you gonna eat" right outside of her glass door. A small frown grew on her face as she sighed. She looked at her pine desk neatly situated in the middle of her square corner office. The sun lazily sank over the horizon, casting funny orange light into her room. She rolled her shoulders again and kept typing, glancing at the red-lit clock on the upper left corner of her desk. 4:50 pm.
A knock came at the glass door. "Do you have a sec?" Asked a well-suited bird.
"Sure, what is it Crane?" Tigress asked.
"You know it's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I was just... wondering if it's too late to have Black Friday off as well?" Crane nervously grinned. The tiger rolled her eyes as she straightened her light red blouse. She pulled up to her desk in her rolling chair and straightened her back.
"As long as you promise to make it up. You're starting to fall into the negative."
"I know, I know. But I'm also helping with that career fair too, remember?"
"Ah, working the system," Tigress smirked.
"It's not working the system," Crane remarked. "I'm just saying. I'm going to be there anyway and I am working."
"Is there a reason why you want me to make this last minute-" Tigress stopped short when she saw Crane's eyes veer out the window-lined with skyscrapers. Tigress sighed, "Never mind. I'll do it."
"Thank you so much! I'll pay you back."
"You're lucky I'm a good manager."
"The best!" Crane said ecstatically. He was just about to rush out the door when Tigress said,
"Say hi to Ai for me." Crane flinched and nervously grinned back.
"Hehehe, heh." Tigress shook her head as the nervous bird finally left his darling. Her smile didn't last long. As she looked at the small gold-colored watch on her wrist, she knew that those numbers would run late into the night. Of course, it was already night, but the sun could call her to bed all it wanted. She was going to stay up and work.
The glass door was open and Tigress, as manager, stayed until her work was done. Tigress popped the cricks in her neck and dusted her dark gray work pants. Crane's last-minute request wouldn't delay her that much, but it would be worth it if crane got the guts to finally marry the girl.
"Hm," Tigress smirked a little to herself as she continued typing. She really was a good manager.
The tiger frowned as the last drip of sunlight stopped shining over the towers of metal. The last worker left, signaling their departure with the sound of a pinging elevator. Probably going off to family or friends for the season of Thanksgiving.
And where was she going to?
Tigress stopped typing and heard the entire office floor. Air condition vents went off, silence covered each cubicle, and the dull hum of electricity from her computer only added to the emptiness. Tigress took a deep breath and sighed. "Things need to get done," She told herself. She tried her best not to look at the missed phone calls and notifications from her family to come home for the holidays. Heaven knows she had the time to take time off for a whole month. Her fingers tapped away on the computer again, like they always had. With a semi-bright screen to her face, she pressed on wanting to finish her goal.
Whatever that was.
Suddenly, the stillness cracked. She heard the faint dinging of the elevator. Someone forgot their stuff, she thought. But a very unfamiliar whistling chimed out followed by a rolling sound.
"China moon! Doo doo doo! China moon!" And slightly tone-deaf singing. This was the first time Tigress ever worked at her office at night. Most times she took work back home. With the tiger's clock saying 6:15 pm, Tigress got looked away from her computer towards the door.
It was almost pitch-blackness. Her eyes took a lot longer to adjust, even though she was a feline. She stood up, wobbling as the blood to her legs returned. Her head spun and she gripped the pine desk before she could fall. "Doo doo doo." The person was getting closer. Tigress slowly made her way to the door. Her cherry flats muted her presence on the dark carpet, and she took a peek outside her office towards the sea of cubicles.
Suddenly, one row of candescent lights came on, and Tigress looked to the left where the switch was. "Doo, doo, doo WHAH!" The person jumped, dropping his keys and hat. Tigress jumped a bit but not nearly as much as the person did. "Oh! Hello. I didn't know anyone was here."
"It's okay. I didn't know custodians worked this early," Tigress said. The person, a panda, frowned and narrowed his eyes.
"What do you mean?" He asked, extending the W, "Everyone's out of the building around this time."
"Oh..."
"Wait, are you Tigress, the manager for business ana... analu-"
"Business analytics, yes," Tigress finished.
"Oh, that makes sense," the panda smiled. Tigress's eyes shrank slightly. "Some of the guys who work late told me you're a workaholic."
"I'm not."
"Really?" The panda smirked. "Then why are you still here?"
"There's work to do."
"Exactly."
Tigress crossed her arms. "Work doesn't just go away."
"Yeah, but it's Thanksgiving tomorrow!" The panda smiled. "Don't you have family or friends you want to go to?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then why are you still here?"
Tigress glared, "You don't expect me to share my business with someone I just met."
"Huh? OH! Right," The panda facepalmed himself. "I'm Po. The janitor." The panda picked up his cap and keys, stuffing them into a pocket that had a small rag in it. The cleaning cart he rolled around stood between him and Tigress, probably for his safety. The tiger didn't look too pleased that he was judging her hard work. The panda dusted the cap off and placed it back on his head, swinging the sun-shield backward. "Sorry about scaring you."
Tigress smiled a hair, "That's alright."
"So wait, if you're still here doing work, what about your family? Aren't they worried about you?" Po asked.
Tigress's smile disappeared as she looked back to her desk where her phone was. "It's complicated."
"Don't like your family?"
"No, no, it's not that."
"Then what?"
"It's just... never mind," Tigress sighed. "I should get back to work."
"Wait! So you don't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving? Why? What are you going to do? Just do work?" Po said with a half-laugh. Tigress turned back at him; her eyes darting around the room.
"Ummm-"
"Oh my gosh, you totally were going to do work."
"Mr. Po, I-"
"Hey, hey, just Po, okay?" Po chuckled. "Mr. Po is someone who has a bigger pocket."
"Well... Po," Tigress said, "I work at a business that requires me to be very attentive with my work. If I don't get it done, the business suffers."
"So? Who cares?"
"The business?" Tigress growled out.
"No, no, I said who cares, not what cares." Tigress blinked in silence but still held her scowl. "Look, I don't know what your life is like, but you can't just give it to a company that can function very well without you."
"How do you know?"
"What happens when you're retired?"
"They'll...replace me." Tigress shook her head, "I could go through higher management."
Po rose his eyebrow. "And after that?"
"Higher?"
"And when you own the company and can't advance?"
"I'll... be working until I retire and... they'll replace me," Tigress said. Her words landed like thick raindrops on her mind. She shook her head and glared at the panda. "What exactly are you getting at?"
"Work isn't life. Work is a part of life."
"What does that have to do with Thanksgiving?"
Po huffed and rubbed the back of his neck, sliding his hand down. "Okay, let me put it like this. Who's gonna remember you more? People or a company?"
Tigress couldn't say anything. She blinked several times. "I..."
"Boom! See what I mean?" Po said. Tigress rose her eyebrow but simply shook her head. He had a point. A deep one at that. She looked at her desk. In a few years it might be someone else's and then someone else's and then...
Tigress sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's say I understand what you're saying," She said. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Uh go home and eat with your family?" Po asked.
"And if that's not an option?"
Po tilted his head. Then his eyes opened wide as the slow realization reached his head. "Uhh... OH! Oh! You can have Thanksgiving at one of your co-workers' house. I'm sure that they would like to have you over."
Tigress rose her eyebrow. "Would you invite your boss?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Of course."
"Okay," She smirked, "I dare you to do it."
"Would you like to come over to my apartment for Thanksgiving dinner?" Po asked.
"Wait what?"
"You're technically one of my bosses," Po smiled. Tigress blinked several times before sighing.
"Po... I don't-"
"It won't just be you and me," Po interjected, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah no, my sister and her husband will be there, and they wanted me to bring a guest."
"And you just happened to find me with nowhere to go?" The feline asked. Po couldn't see it, but he could definitely hear the smirk.
"No, no, no. It's... you see. Ugh. I thought I wouldn't have anyone to come with me. Normally, my football friend comes over, but he's spending the holidays with his fianceƩ."
Tigress stared at the panda for a moment. The quiet hum of computer fans from the cubicles made her a little on edge. Why?
Awkward silence. Tigress sighed, "And you've taken complete strangers to your house before for Thanksgiving?"
"All the time," Po smiled. "One time, there was this guy who was homeless and we gave him the best meal he ever had! He works at the local shelter now."
"I... don't want to be a burden, though."
Po laughed, "Tigress, my sister and I are both pandas and her husband is a bodybuilder. We have boatloads of food." Tigress's body tense. She leaned from one leg to the other, staring at the ground. The thoughts tumbling in her head only added weight to her decision as she lightly bit her finger. "Besides, no one should be alone for Thanksgiving. And what do you have to lose?"
"My figure?"
"HAHAHA!" Po laughed. The tiger didn't. "Oh, uh... you're serious." Po reached into his pocket and wiped his head with the rag. He didn't have to be nervous for long; Tigress's smirk couldn't be kept down.
"I'm joking." Another long pause came after the tiger looked back at her desk. With a sigh, she said, "What should I bring?"
"YES! Salad or just water if you like. Oh! Desserts!" Po said excitedly. He reached into his right pocket and pulled out a small notepad. Scribbling down his address, he ripped it off and gave it to Tigress. "But if you can't cook, it's okay. Just get something store-bought."
"Thank you, Po," Tigress smiled briefly. A wide grin returned to her. "I should... probably let you get back to working."
"Yeah yeah sure. I mean, if you need to go," Po said.
She didn't need to go.
"I can... stay and talk a while," Tigress said. "I should get to know my host."
"Hehe, sure. I hope you don't mind walking and talking," Po chuckled. "Also, I totally understand if you don't want to go into the guy's bathroom. Whew! It's a dump."
"I can imagine," Tigress smiled. The two talked, longer than either of them remembered. When the whole floor was done and the two left. It was late, almost 9 o'clock. Fortunately, Tigress didn't have to clock in and out all the time.
The next day came all too quickly. The tiger grabbed a black heavy furry trench coat for the single-digit weather and drove to the panda's place. It stood cutely sandwiched in a row of three-story houses; a row of triplex apartments. The red brick step patio led up to the black wooden door, and with her tray of brownie in her hand, Tigress rang the doorbell. "Coming!" Said a female voice. The door opened up and a shorter, feminine panda with a pink flowery apron widened her eyes. It was like looking at a female Po. "Oh! You must be Tigress! Po's boss."
"Actually, I'm not-"
"OO! The desserts!" The panda immediately grabbed the tray and walked inside. "Come in, come in. There's a coat racket next to you." The panda disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Tigress on the toasted almond wooden floor of their short hallway. The stairway at the door led upright to a catwalk that looked into what she assumed was the living room. On her right, the dining room. Her left had a study room with a sliding glass door where one side was in disarray and the other was neat. Remembering how Po cleaned, she assumed the messy side was his. "Mmm, these smell wonderful. Po didn't mention you cook," Said the female panda as she came back in.
"I don't, but it's a recipe my grandma used to cook. I tasted it to make sure that it was edible," Tigress smiled.
"Well, you're not vomiting so I'm glad that you did," the panda smiled back. "Ah, where are my manners? I'm Bao. Po's sister. Tai-Lung, my husband, should be down shortly."
"HAHA! There we go!" Shouted two very male voices. Bao rolled her eyes.
"Or watching the game with Po. Ugh, men." The tiger gave a small chuckled as she followed the black and white bear into the kitchen. "So, Po didn't tell us much about you."
"Oh?"
"He just mentioned something about bringing someone from work. Are you two-"
"No, no, no, no, no," Tigress interjected. "No, no, I'm his boss. I mean... I'm not his boss." Bao rose her eyebrow. The tiger sighed and told her everything that happened. Bao's confused look turned into a hard furrowed glare to the side where the living room was.
"That little... Ugh, I'm sorry. Po has this weird mantra that everyone should have a family to eat with on the holidays. I'm sorry for interrupting your plans."
"It's okay, I... didn't have many...plans," Tigress sighed as the oven's timer dinged. While the bear pulled out the seasoned asparagus, a big tall snow leopard, wearing a wide grin and a wider mischievous glint in his eye, sprung up behind the panda bear.
"AHH! Tai-Lung!" Bao scowled, hitting him with a kitchen towel. The big snow leopard laughed. "You nearly made me drop the plate."
"Sorry, dear." His eyes turned to the tiger. "Oh, hello. Bao, you didn't tell me your friend was coming over."
"This isn't Lu, dear," Bao gently corrected, "This is Po's guest. Could you get my dear brother, please?"
"Uh oh? What did he do now?" Tai-Lung sighed.
"I'll explain later." The snow leopard left to get his brother-in-law, leaving Tigress alone with a grumbling female panda. She watched quietly as the shorter panda chewed out her brother for inviting someone 'against their will'.
"It's...It's okay really," Tigress opened up her mouth. The female panda, forgetting her angry face was still on, glared at the tiger. "I-I didn't have much to do..."
"See!" Po exclaimed. "It's okay." Bao pinched her nose and sighed. Her husband rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Either way, we're glad to have you," Tai-Lung smiled. The tiger gave a short nod. "Why don't we eat? I'm starving?"
"You two wait until the Brussel sprouts are done," Bao said.
"Yes, Bao," both Po and Tai-Lung groaned. Tigress smiled a bit as Po walked her to the study where they could talk a bit.
"Sorry about my sister," Po nervously rubbed the back of his head.
"It's okay. She seems very nice."
"Hehe, and fussy."
"I HEARD THAT!" shouted his sister. Tigress chuckled at Po's wincing.
"So what do you do here?"
"In the study? Oh, just some artsy stuff and read through Tai-Lung's boring financial records."
"Financial records?"
"Just to make sure that they all add up," Po said. Tigress was visibly confused. "Hey, I'm not just a janitor you know. I do other things."
"Like what?"
"Graphics."
"Why are you a janitor then?"
"Gives my mind a break from all the thinking that goes into designing pictures. Plus, a little money on the side never hurts anyone."
"I see," Tigress said. She looked at the pictures and sketchings laid out all across the floor. She could recognize some of the designs for commercials she had seen while the prettier, more detailed art lay neatly tucked in a large black shelf on the back wall. "Po, there's a question I've been meaning to ask."
"Shoot."
"Why did you ask me here?" Tigress could see the panda's eyes widen. He fidgeted a bit as he sat down in a nearby chair.
"Well, I... couldn't help but notice how lonely you were in your office and... after talking with some of the co-workers I thought that-" Tigress couldn't help the smirk that came to her face. "It's not like that!" Po exclaimed, "I was just... doing something out of the kindness of my heart. Nothing romantic or stuff like that. I swear."
"Hm," Tigress hummed, smirking.
"Now I have a question for you," Po smirked back as he leaned forward in his chair. Tigress found her own chair, a small dark wooden one, and sat down.
"I can't promise that I'll answer."
"Hey! I answered your question. It's only fair!"
Tigress narrowed her eyes. "No personal questions, then."
"Fine, fine," Po huffed. "Why did you come?"
"You didn't want me to?"
"You could have just said that something came up."
"That...that would be lying."
"You could have said your family-"
"I told you I don't really... celebrate Thanksgiving with my family," Tigress interrupted. Po blinked several times.
"You... haven't celebrated with your family... since when?"
"I don't know. A couple of years," Tigress sighed, crossing her arms. "I told you this already."
"No... you told me it was complicated."
"It is."
"Why?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because it sounds like you want to get something off your chest," Po said. Tigress turned her head away, looking at some random art on the wall. The panda sighed, resting back into his chair. "Okay, okay, so... let me ask you this. Why were you really going to work through Thanksgiving?" Tigress opened her mouth. "And don't tell me that it's because there was work to do. You know that's not true." The tiger's mouth lightly clamped shut, letting a slight huff escape.
The silence wasn't completely silent. The sound of cooking and football still came through, muffled from the glass door. With her arms folded and her eyes still gazing at some random art on the wall, Tigress didn't know what to do. Her lips began to twitch, and she took a sharp inhale.
"Why do you care?"
"Because...I... kinda know what you're going through?" Now Po looked away. Sighing heavily, he gave his own weight to the room. "I know what it's like to feel like you're not enough."
Tigress's eyes jumped out of their sockets. "You... you do?"
Sighing again, Po stood up and looked out the window on the right side of the room, looking out onto the city street. "Did you notice that our parents aren't here? Why do you think that is?"
"Oh... I didn't mean to-"
"No, no. They're still around," Po looked down a bit. "Ever since I started doing graphic design and janitor work, I never felt like I was enough for them. So I... never invited them here." He chuckled sadly, "Trust me, Bao was pestering me let them come a while, but... ah it doesn't matter. It's easier for her, anyways."
"Why?"
"She's a patent lawyer for the big companies." Tigress's eyes narrowed and blinked so many times her eyes grew tired. "Yeah, I know. Absolutely looks like she should be ANYTHING but that. But she loves it," Po shrugged. Tigress stood up and walked to Po's side. "It doesn't help that Tai-Lung also works in Law, too. And this place? Before him, Bao and I rented it together, but ever since Tai-Lung came in, I've felt like the homeless uncle sleeping on the couch. I mean, I know they don't see me like that but still," Po sighed. "So yeah, I'm just a graphic designer and janitor. How do you think that goes over with the folks?"
"How does it?"
Po sighed, "I never wanted to find out until last Thanksgiving when Bao invited them under my nose. That was a 'jolly' good time. Hehehe." The sadness in his laughter only worried Tigress more. "Anyway, they started asking why they weren't invited more often. I lied and said we were busy with stuff, trying to move up from my jobs." Po shrugged. "Somewhere along the line, they asked why I didn't seem happy to see them. I told them... the truth. That I didn't feel like I was enough to live in Bao's house, I didn't feel enough to look them in the eye, and I didn't feel like being lectured about it over food."
"What did they say?"
Po didn't respond for a moment. He simply wiped his eye. "They said I was always enough." Tigress's eyes grew wide. "The reason why they never pushed me to be a lawyer like my sister was because they could see I wasn't into it. Heh, there was this one time I tried to do a mock trial in front of them and completely blew it. Hehe." He paused for a moment. "But they could tell how stressed out I was and promised never to push me into something I didn't want to do." Finally, Po turned to the tiger. "So yeah, I know what it's like to push yourself to try and be enough. But I can tell you that you're never going to be enough for anyone until you're enough for yourself. Hehe, even if your family tells you you're enough, it won't matter if you aren't enough to... you." Po shook his head. "I'm sorry, that didn't make any-"
"No, no," Tigress said with a thick throat. She cleared it and spoke, "No, I get it. You're... you're right. I... I've been pushing myself for no other reason than... not feeling like it's enough. I've always wanted more."
"Do you think you would tell and enjoy it when it came?" Po asked. Tigress took a long time, gazing into his eyes.
"No... no, I don't think so."
"Yeah, so I've just been learning to... enjoy enough."
"It's easier to enjoy more that way, isn't it?" Tigress said with a small smile. Po's lips cracked into a big grin.
"Yeah, it is."
"Thank you, Po. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome."
"And your parents sound very nice and accepting. I wish I could meet them."
"HAHAH!" Po laughed. "No, no, no. That would be way too embarrassing for me."
DING-DONG!
"Oh great Buddha no," Po gasped in horror as he flew open the glass door. His sister ran to the door. "You didn't."
"Eeeeehhhh I meant to tell you?" Bao uneasily grinned. Sure enough, two older pandas came in through the door, hugging and laughing with everyone they saw. Tigress smirked at the Po's face of dread.
"Seems like things are going well," She teased.
"Please don't make this harder," Po grumbled.
"Alright!" Tai-Lung called, "Let's eat." Aside from Po's mom giving Tigress his baby pictures and Po's dad recounting Bao's multiple crushes, Tigress's smile never left her face. Somehow, Po could live with all the embarrassing moments if that smile was on her face.
"So!" Said Po's dad, "Tigress, are you and Po uh-"
"No, no, no, no!" Tigress and Po exclaimed. They knew why everyone kept making the mistake. Why else would you invite a female over to your house? To just hang out? Absurd. "We're not... no."
"Why not?" Po's mom asked.
Then Tigress got an idea. An awful idea. Tigress got a wonderful, awful idea. As her small smirk rose to her face, she took one small bite out of her asparagus and said, "Because Po hasn't asked me out yet."
Everyone dropped their forks. Po's eyes became saucers as every eye zoomed in on him. "Uhh... well I... uh... I mean... Hehehehe."
"HAHA!" Po's dad laughed, "Leave it to Po to accidentally find a date. HAHAHAHA!" The table laughed while Po glared at the smirking tiger.
But he didn't mind. She was still smiling.
The end
******FFF****
"That was... actually good," Demi said with his usual silent criticism.
"Hmm. The El Dorado trap," I muttered.
"Huh?"
"No, I just realized that I was writing about the El Dorado Trap." Demi was confused, of course. "Basically it's this: do you think you could recognize and enjoy more?"
"More what?"
"Just more... anything?"
"Yeah, I can enjoy better health."
"Yeah, but then where is the limit? You can enjoy running more, but then when do you start to push yourself too far?"
"I see, having more doesn't give you the ability to enjoy it. Enjoying enough does." I nodded my head. Demi furrowed his dark eyebrows. "Wait, if you know all of this stuff, why aren't you writing a philosophical book?"
"Shush, I'm lazy."
"Aaaahhh."
(Hey, this is Lion. Unfortunately, this week has been very trying. And I need a few days to recoup. I've been through a major series of trauma in my life and... I need some time to just readjust. So I won't be here as much. I hope to come back and start writing all the pain out, one day. But thank you for understanding. I would like to give this out, the suicide hotline, because I know for a lot of you, you're going through something that is hard. Harder than what can be written in a story. I realize that my stories have helped a lot of you and I plan to make more, but as of right now I need some times to think through some things. Thank you all for helping and being there.) Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255
