Prompt 9

Adjusting

Considering the fact he now had a full family's worth of laundry to do after working for just the earl for so many years, Ian was making good progress.

He paused at a particularly stubborn stain and let out a small huff, glad he was alone and could speak freely.

"Well, it could be worse," he muttered, "At least I'm not afraid to know precisely what you are. Unlike whatever the earl usually had going on…"

"Would it be wise of me not to ask for details?"

Ian gasped and jumped, startled by Gabriel's sudden appearance, and his actions immediately sped up. He couldn't let her think he'd been slacking. He glanced at her, seeming almost afraid to make eye contact.

"Ex-excuse me, my lady, I didn't mean to get distracted. I apologise."

She frowned, put off a little by his response, "Why apologise? You've done nothing wrong," then, quieter, after a brief hesitation, "And I have told you, you need not call me that."

But he didn't seem to hear. Either that, she reasoned, or he ignored her. She took note of how he bowed his head, keeping himself small, and how he spoke with more urgency, almost too quickly for Gabriel to understand him. In only a few seconds, he had become so tense.

"I'll have your dresses finished soon. I can bring them up to your room, if you like?"

Gabriel bit her tongue before she could make any sort of comment. She was quiet for a few seconds, then gave a short nod, "Thank you."

She picked up her skirts and left the room, as silently as she had come.

It was strange, she mused as she ascended the staircase, she had thought she and Ian had been getting along quite well. Had she offended him somehow, to make him suddenly so short with her? Or perhaps he was simply trying to concentrate on his chores. She had interrupted him, after all. With a quick shake of her head, Gabriel continued on to her own room.

For a time, nothing else seemed amiss in their friendship. They chatted idly at the theatre and once or twice, they watched the children together. Gabriel accompanied Ian to the market one day and at first, everything was as it always was. Their easy conversation was slowly bringing out Ian's often hidden sense of humour as they laughed back and forth, teasing and jesting, until-

"I should have your head for that, you know!"

She was only joking, playfully chastising him for some flippant comment made, with a swift sweep of her hand and a sharp look in her eye, betrayed by a soft smile which apparently went unnoticed, but he took a step back, his eyes suddenly widening with fear and his hands hovering over his face. He braced himself for a hit - a slap, a punch, a shove, whatever it may be - which never came.

Gabriel stared, shocked. After a moment, Ian lowered his hands, though his head remained bowed. He didn't meet her eyes.

"Forgive me. I know I forget my place."

She wasn't sure how to respond, leaving Ian to make his own assumptions. He nodded and gestured for her to carry on walking, now following half a step behind. The rest of the journey back home was quiet, and Gabriel couldn't help but wonder if she was to blame.

The thought haunted her as she continued noticing little things in her interactions with Ian; the way his smile disappeared at the slightest thing, how he would flinch at her gesturing or the stifled gasps and jumps whenever she entered a room too quietly. Sometimes, he would take something she said in jest too seriously and before she could apologise, he would do so first and excuse himself.

"I just cannot understand him!" she said to Anne one day, "Every time I think we are getting along, he suddenly turns so… cold."

Anne glanced at her, smiling affectionately at the way she pouted.

"Be patient with him. He's still adjusting, you know."

"As am I! I would have thought we could relate in that regard, and even beyond that, but our conversations have been ending so abruptly. Am…" she trailed off, "… Am I doing something wrong?"

Anne looked at her and, seeing her forlorn expression, shook her head. She sighed.

"Oh, Gabby…"

"Anne, please. I am not seeking sympathy, I want advice. To understand. To be a friend to him. Why is it so easy to talk to him at first only for him to shut me out the way he does? Why does he flinch and turn away from me?"

For a few seconds, Anne said nothing, trying to find the words.

"… He's afraid. He's spent the last, what, fifteen years? With Croydon taking everything out on him. He's used to being punished for every little thing."

Gabriel furrowed her brow and leaned closer to her, sounding somewhat desperate, "But I am not punishing him! I have no reason to!"

"Neither did Croydon, usually, from what I've heard. Ian's learned to just assume the worst. And…" she trailed off, throwing Gabriel an apologetic look, "Well, it can be a bit unnerving how quiet you are sometimes."

"How so?"

"Well, you just seem to appear out of nowhere half the time. That's frightening enough on its own, I can't imagine what it must be like for him already being so on-edge as it is. And… little jokes and jabs and all that, he takes all that to heart. He expects people to be angry at him. If you don't say otherwise, he'll probably think he's done something to disappoint you."

Gabriel felt herself deflate, "… Oh…"

Before the guilt could fully set it, though, Anne placed a reassuring hand on her arm.

"It isn't your fault that you didn't know."

"But I should have known," she insisted, "I should be more observant. I once prided myself on those skills. I've allowed them to grow weak."

"You've relaxed. You're adjusting, too. It's just a matter of finding the right balance between the two of you. Remember you're coming from different places."

Gabriel nodded, "Yes. Thank you, Anne, I think I understand now."

Anne patted her shoulder and wished her luck as she turned to leave. Perhaps now she could approach Ian from a different - better - angle.

She found him outside in the stable, tending to Bill's horse. She tried her best to make her footsteps loud, but she was naturally so light on her feet, and so deliberately scuffed her heel against the stone cobbles, which immediately caught Ian's attention. He turned his head towards her, seemingly surprised when he saw who was there. She offered him a shy smile.

"I hope I am not interrupting."

He quickly shook his head, "I- No, no, not at all, I was just finishing up," he closed the stable door and locked it, "Did you need something?"

"Only to talk with you."