A/N: In which we see Madelyn Shepard's funeral, Gibbs helps an intoxicated Jenny deal with her mother's death, and DiNozzo proves to be a valuable asset. Hope you enjoy!


Gibbs

In the days following the death of Madelyn Shepard, Gibbs hardly saw Jenny at all, as she was so busy planning the funeral, dealing with lawyers, and trying to manage her own grief. He completely understood her absence, giving her the space she needed to take care of her affairs, knowing that she would come to him when she eventually broke down. He knew it would happen sooner or later, and he also knew he had to be prepared for not only her grief, but her anger as well.

He spent his time trying to go about each day as though everything was normal, though he did nothing but worry about Jenny, and when she finally knocked on his door nearly a week after her mother's death, he wasn't sure what to expect. Would she cry? Would she angrily throw things across the room? Would she blame herself? More importantly, what did she expect from him?

Her eyes were bloodshot, her clothing rumpled, as though she'd worn it more than once, and given the loss she'd just experienced, he strongly suspected she had. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days, and given what he knew about her, that was a very high possibility. He stepped back to allow her in, noting that her eyes had never once met his, staring straight ahead, and as they walked to the living room, his own eyes followed her closely, waiting for any sign that she was going to fall apart.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, feeling more than a little foolish.

"Bourbon, if you've got it," came her reply, her voice surprisingly clear and steady.

He nodded, making his way into the kitchen, quickly pouring her a glass, and as she took it from his outstretched hand, he noticed just how badly she was shaking. He made no comment on it, however, merely watching her as she drained the glass in seconds without flinching even once. This gave him pause, because Jenny had always flinched when she drank bourbon in the past, and he frowned as he wondered just how much pain she was really in.

"The funeral is in two days," she said quietly, "I hate to ask this, but will you come with me?"

He nodded, still watching her warily, and when she noticed the way he was looking at her, she frowned.

"What? Why are you looking at me like I'm some sort of foreign object? I'm fine. Yeah, I had a rough few days at first, but everything is okay now. I got the legalities taken care of, the only thing left is to pay for the headstone, and I have a little money set aside that I can use."

He said nothing, still looking at her in that same way, and she shook her head.

"What/"

"Just wondering how long you're going to keep lying to me. And yourself."

She frowned and he could tell just by the way she gripped her glass tighter that he'd struck a nerve, but when she stood suddenly, he had no idea of what to do.

"Really? Of all the times to accuse me of dishonesty, and you choose now? I'm not lying, Jethro, to you or anyone else. If you don't trust me, then maybe I should leave."

She was at the door before he had even really comprehended that she'd moved, and when it slammed behind her, he knew that he'd made a mistake. It had been obvious that she was lying, but he should have never called her out on it. Not right now. What was wrong with him?


He sent her a text two days later, confirming that she still wanted him to be there for the funeral, and when she knocked on his door immediately after, he felt worse than he had the day she'd stormed out of his apartment. Her eyes were framed by dark circles, accented by her pale skin, and though she was now dressed in a simple black dress, he could tell that it had taken her a tremendous amount of effort to appear as put-together as she did. He reached for her hand as they walked down the hallway, and when they reached the parking lot, she said nothing as he led her towards his truck, lifting her up into the cab easily.

The drive to the funeral home was silent, but Gibbs never once released his hold on Jenny's hand, and as soon as they had parked, she looked at him slowly.

"Thank you."

He nodded, kissing her cheek lightly.

"No problem."

Ducky pulled up next to the truck, and as soon as he stepped out, he made his way closer, pulling Jenny into his arms, his hold tight.

"I am so very sorry, Jennifer."

She gave him a weak smile.

"Thanks, Ducky."

"Anthony and Timothy send their regards as well as some flowers. They caught a case late last night and were called out, unfortunately."

Jenny shook her head, waving away his words with her hand as she took a step closer to the building.

"I know. Tony called me. I understand. These things happen."

They made their way into the funeral home and as Jenny walked up to the open casket, her grip on Gibbs' hand grew even tighter as she fought to keep her hands from shaking. He could see the fear and pain in her eyes as they came closer and when they finally stopped, she took a deep breath.

"Well, I think she looks pretty good, all things considered."

Ducky nodded, putting his arm around her shoulder as he stood behind her.

"I would agree. She still looks like Madelyn."

Jenny slowly released her hold on Gibbs' hand, reaching out to touch her mother's skin lingering only for a second before recoiling, her eyes tightly shut as she shook her head.

"Why does it feel like that?" she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"You know why, my dear," Ducky said gently, his eyes sad as they met Gibbs' over the top of her head.

Gibbs knew exactly what the doctor was thinking, because he was thinking the same thing: he hoped Jenny would be able to keep her hold on reality long enough to make it through the service. He didn't think they could handle it if she lost her mind right now. Jenny nodded slightly at his words, straightening her body as she turned to walk away, and when they sat down in the chairs provided for them, Gibbs took her hand again, hoping he could ground her at least for the time they needed


It was a simple service, just under an hour long, for which they were all immensely thankful for, and as soon as it was over, Jenny stood from her chair, her eyes surprisingly dry. She frowned when she looked over Gibbs' shoulder and she couldn't contain her shock at the two people standing just behind him, slightly embarrassed expressions on their faces.

"Tony? Tim? What are you doing here?"

DiNozzo shrugged, giving her a smile, and McGee stepped forward to place his hand on her shoulder, his eyes kind.

"We couldn't let you do this alone, Jenny."

As hard as she tried, Jenny couldn't keep her tears from falling as DiNozzo wrapped her in his arms, hugging her so hard that it was almost painful.

"We love you, Red, and we've always got your back. No matter what," he whispered, just loud enough that Gibbs could hear him.

He smiled, touched by the love that Jenny's colleagues had displayed and as they all stepped up to the casket, Jenny frowned.

"You don't have to—"

"We know, Shep. But it's the least we could do for Maddie now. She was our family, too. Just like you are."

Gibbs was so proud of them that he could have hugged them both, but he left that to Jenny, standing just behind her, waiting and ready to catch her when she needed him.


Shepard

The day following her mother's funeral found Jenny Shepard so drunk that she couldn't even stand, and as Gibbs knocked twice on her door, she frowned as she realised there was no way she could possibly walk to open it. A brilliant idea came to her, and she began slowly crawling, each movement making the room spin, hoping she didn't pass out on the way through her living room. Pulling herself up by the handle, she slowly managed to get on her feet, though she swayed back and forth, and when she wrenched open the door, it took her eyes longer than she would ever admit to focus.

"Jethro?"

"Hey, Jen. Mind if I come in?"

She shook her head and instantly regretted the action, her stomach lurching as she moved, and when she tried to step back enough to allow him in the door, she lost her balance, falling heavily into the door frame.

"Fuck," she whispered, "that hurt."

Gibbs frowned, looking at her as though he didn't recognise her, and in truth, he didn't. He'd never seen Jenny this inebriated before and when he reached out to steady her, she gave him a strange look.

"What are you doing here?"

There was only the slightest hint of a slur in her voice, but it was enough that he detected it, and he frowned again. He'd seen Jenny drunk before, but he'd never once heard her speak in any diction less than perfect. It was unnerving to say the least and as he took her arm, he looked into her eyes seriously.

"Wanted to check on you."

She stumbled as he led her to the living room and when he steadied her again, he shook his head.

"Seems like that was a good idea, from the looks of it."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head slowly, trying to keep the room stable.

"I'm fine."

"You're trashed," he countered, "and I don't blame you at all. I would do the same if I were in your position."

"Would you?" she asked suddenly, raising glassy eyes to his, "Did you drink when you lost Shannon and Kelly?"

Hearing her voice say their names was like a knife to his heart, but he nodded anyway, needing her to know that he wasn't judging her.

"I got so drunk I nearly gave myself alcohol poisoning."

"Bet that was interesting."

Her voice faltered on the last word, speaking much slower in an attempt to get it out, and he laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she sat down on her couch.

"Yeah. It was. You should have been there."

She nodded.

"I wish I had been. Maybe I could have helped."

Gibbs kissed her cheek gently, smoothing her hair with his hand slowly.

"That's why I'm here now. I want to help you through it. I know what you're feeling, and I want to do anything I can to make it better."

Jenny frowned.

"I don't think you can."

He shook his head, still running his hand over her hair, giving her comfort in the only way he knew how.

"Maybe not, but I'm going to try."

Though he knew she wouldn't remember the night come morning, he'd meant what he'd said, and nothing was going to stop him from trying to ease her pain.


"Jethro, my mother is dead."

He nodded.

"I know. I was at the funeral."

"I know, I just...I don't understand it. It was sudden, but not sudden all at the same time. And you...oh, god...you tried to tell me, but I didn't want to listen...I'm so sorry."

Okay, now he was confused. Jenny's drunken mind had taken her down a path he hadn't followed, and he tilted his head curiously, moving closer to her.

"What do you mean?"

"You said I was lying to myself. I got really angry about it, but you were just trying to help. I shouldn't have said the things I did. I shouldn't have walked out on you that night. I know that now. I'm sorry."

He smiled sadly, and when she stood up, pacing the floor, he watched her carefully, not wanting her to fall. She'd regained some of her balance in the last hour, but she was still more drunk than he'd ever seen her, making him more concerned for her than he knew how to handle.

"I don't understand why she's dead. Why can't her soul just come back and get in her body and be alive again? This wasn't supposed to happen. She was only fifty-six, and—"

"Jen."

He knew he needed to stop her before she destroyed what was left of her sanity with grief, but she ignored him, still pacing.

"—she should still be here. She was the only family I had left, my last connection to Heather, the only person I—"

"Jen," he tried again, his voice louder.

"—could truly ever let my guard down around, because even though I didn't tell her everything, I could tell her almost anything, and I don't know what to do without her. How am I supposed to keep going when I've lost the last family member I had? I just don't see why she—"

"Jenny!"

He stood up, blocking her path, placing his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him, and shook his head.

"Jenny, stop. You're going to make yourself crazy with grief if you don't."

"I can't, Jethro! What about all the times I didn't go to see her because I was too busy working? Or all the times she used to call me and I didn't pick up the phone? Or when I used to get annoyed with her for—"

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close against his chest, running his fingers through her hair slowly.

"Jen, hush. Beating yourself up isn't going to bring her back. You know that."

"Maybe I do, but this just wasn't fucking fair! I wasn't supposed to lose her yet. Not like this. Not now, not when I needed her, and I—God, Jethro, I want my mother back..."

Her voice broke and her legs gave way beneath her as she began sobbing, and as he lifted her into his arms, he could feel her body shaking with each breath she took. He walked the short distance back to the couch, holding her as close to him as he possibly could, and as she cried into his chest, he kissed her hair, wishing he could do more to help the pain.

"Shh...I've got you, Jen."


The next morning, Jenny had the second-worst hangover of her life, moving from the bed only long enough to empty the contents of her stomach, and as Gibbs listened to her being violently sick, he frowned. He'd known she wouldn't remember the night before, but she surprised him by how much she had actually retained, and when she apologised to him as she walked back to the bed, he looked at her curiously.

"Why?"

"I got drunk and emotional last night. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have lost control like I did."

He walked to the bed, sitting down on the edge, and he ran his fingers over her hair lightly.

"You watched your mother slowly die, you just buried her two days ago. I think you earned the right to drink a little. Or a lot, as you tend to do when you're upset."

She laughed bitterly, moving so that her head was resting on his thigh, and gave him a weak smile.

"Still. I am sorry, but I really appreciate you being here. I don't think I could have done it alone."

"You never have to, Jen. I told you that I'll always be here when you need me. That hasn't changed."

She was just opening her mouth to speak when her expression changed and she threw herself from the bed, bolting for the bathroom as she was sick again for the third time that morning. Gibbs shook his head, laughing quietly to himself as she vomited, well aware of the pain she was enduring. It wasn't that he found the situation funny by any means, but he'd spent the better part of the morning trying to piece together just exactly how they'd ended up here, and he was amused by the fact that he didn't have the slightest idea


As she pulled herself up from her knees, Jenny coughed, spitting the last bit of blood from her mouth, making her way shakily over to the sink. She rinsed her mouth with mouthwash, thankful she always kept a bottle on hand, and as she made her way back to her office, her steps were less than stable. She frowned as soon as she entered the room, unused to seeing the doctor away from his designated work area and as she walked closer, she painted a smile on her face.

"Ducky. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Just wanted to check on you with this being your first day back. How are you handling things?"

She very nearly told him, wanted so badly to tell him, but she stayed silent on the matter, shaking her head slowly.

"I'm okay. The day after the funeral, I got so drunk that I don't remember anything after five o'clock, but at least I wasn't alone. Jethro came by to see how I was, and I may have gotten a little emotional."

He nodded, looking at her compassionately.

"I'm not surprised. It was an emotional day for you. It's only to be expected. But I'm wondering about your depression. Has it worsened over the course of losing your mother? No one would blame you if it had, and I would like you to be honest with me."

She sighed, looking at him slowly.

"It did at first, but I think it was because all I had to do was sit at home and think of Mom. Now, I've got work to distract me, and that makes a ton of difference."

Ducky smiled, though he didn't look entirely convinced.

"Well, if you need anything, please don't be afraid to ask."

"Thanks, Ducky. That means a lot to me. I mean it."

He reached out to hug her, giving her a warm smile, and as she sat down behind her desk, he nodded at her slowly.

"I am so proud of you, Jennifer. Never forget that. And your mother would be as well."

As he walked out the door, Jenny had never felt more worthless in her life.


Gibbs

She was hiding something. He didn't yet know what it was, but he'd made it his mission to find out, and as he poured her another drink, he only felt the slightest twinge of guilt. He knew liquor would loosen her tongue a bit, it always did, and while he normally would have never used that knowledge to his own advantage, he was worried. So he watched and waited, knowing that she thought he was merely concerned following her mother's death, but in reality it was much more.

She'd been acting strange for a month now and as she drained the bourbon from the glass, he knew it was time for him to slowly ease her into admitting it.

"Hey, Jen...you'd tell me if something was bothering you, right?"

She nodded, reaching for the bottle of bourbon on the table, and gave him a look that he couldn't quite interpret.

"Jethro, I know you're worried, but please. Don't. I'm just a little stressed. Nothing I can't handle."

He frowned, remembering something she'd said once, and shook his head as he tried again to make sense of it.

"You told me awhile back that you threw up the pizza you ate on purpose. Remember? Why did you do that?"

"Jethro, I promise...I can handle things. There's nothing for you to worry about."

She stood up from the chair, making her way slowly to the couch, and as she carefully straddled his lap, she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Now, are you really going to waste time worrying about pointless things, or are you going to let me kiss you?"

She ran her tongue lightly over the base of his throat, placing soft kisses on his skin as she slipped her hands under his shirt, pulling it over his head quickly.

"Jen, I really—"

"Shh...not now."

Though he really wanted to continue their conversation, he couldn't control the way he kissed her back, the way his body reacted to the weight of her on his lap, and when her fingers found the hook on his belt, he didn't have it in him to stop her. She smiled as he reached up to touch her breasts, her eyes closing as he kissed her again.

Bracing himself, he picked her up, carrying her the short distance to the bedroom, and as they tumbled into her bed, the worry he'd been feeling was pushed to the back of his mind, lost in a tangle of sheets and sweat-slicked skin.


When he opened his eyes late in the early hours of the morning, Gibbs smiled at the sight of Jenny sleeping next to him, her body curled as close to his as possible, and he wrapped his arm around her as he kissed her hair gently. Now that they'd alleviated some of their sexual tension, his worry was back in full force, and he frowned as he noticed the red marks on the back of her right hand. They were small, not something the average person would have noticed, but his highly trained eyes picked up on every change about her appearance, from the slight weight gain due to stress to these new marks on her skin. On their own, neither change was large enough to warrant any concern, but together, combined with her strange confession all those weeks ago, and he was more than a little confused.

The marks looked small enough to have been made by teeth, and when his tired mind finally made the connection, he shook his head slowly. What if that hadn't been the only time she'd forced herself to throw up? He'd heard of people who had done such a thing before, though he'd never been able to fathom why, and as he looked at her, he wondered if perhaps Jenny knew all too well the reasons why.

Still, unless she confided in him, he couldn't exactly accuse her of such a thing, and he didn't even know how to broach a subject like this. It wasn't the type of thing that you casually brought up over dinner or drinks, and since he'd been so easily distracted that night, he knew he'd lost his chance for the time being. She was going to be more guarded now that she knew he suspected something, and he frowned as he ran his fingers through her long red hair, noticing how there were more strands clinging to his hand than before.

What was he going to do?


Shepard

Jenny swore loudly as she collided with Tony DiNozzo on her way back from the restroom, glaring at him as he picked up the file he'd caused her to drop.

"What the hell, DiNozzo?"

"Sorry, Red. I was just on my way to see you. I need you to sign off on our overtime."

"You know I'll need to be briefed before I can do that."

He nodded.

"I know. That's why I was coming to see you. I wanted to fill you in."

As she took the file from his outstretched hand, he frowned at the shaking in her fingers, though he said nothing, and as she gestured for him to follow her, he shook his head slowly. They reached her office quickly, and though he gave her all the details of his case, he could tell that she wasn't really listening to his words.

"Jenny, is there something wrong?"

"Hm? No, everything is fine."

He shook his head, not convinced.

"Cut the bullshit, Shep. I know you. We were partners for years, I think I know when something is bothering you. You're pale, your shaking, you're not really listening to a word I say because you're so caught up in your own head...is something wrong with you and Gibbs?"

She shook her head, too embarrassed at being found out that she didn't have the heart to fight anymore.

"No, we're fine. It's got nothing to do with him."

"So there is something wrong..." he said with a hint of pride, "I knew it. What is it, Red? Even if you don't want anyone else to know, you can talk to me. You can trust me, you know that, right?"

Maybe it was the nickname, maybe it was the gentleness of his voice, or maybe it was the pure exhaustion she felt. Whatever the reason, Jenny found herself nodding, her eyes filled with tears, and she sighed, trying to keep herself under control.

"I...I don't know how to tell you," she said finally.

"Just be blunt, like you always are. You know I can handle it."

She nodded again, looking up at him for a fraction of a second before taking a deep breath, and when she spoke, her words came out in a rush, as though she were afraid of lingering on them too long.

"I've been making myself throw up. Every day. For the last few months. Right around the time we took our last case before I became Director."

He looked at her, his eyes kind but confused, and shook his head.

"Why? Jenny, that's so dangerous."

"I know," she said quietly, "I thought I could handle it. I thought I had it under control. It gave me a sense of certainty. When everything else in my life was spiraling, my mother, our case, my personal life...it helped me feel like I had control. But it's gotten so far away from me that I can't...I haven't done it in years, not since I was a teenager, but...Tony..."

She broke off, trying to steady herself, and when her eyes met his, he nodded at her, signaling for her to continue.

"I'm scared, Tony. I can't stop and Jethro is starting to get suspicious, I can't lose him too, not after losing my mother, and—"

"Hey, easy, Shep. Slow down for a minute. Let's take this slow. First things first, I think you need to see a doctor. Make sure you haven't caused any lasting damage. Would you be willing to do that?"

She shook her head, her eyes wide.

"I can't. If word of this got out, I would be ruined, and the agency—"

"What about Ducky? He's a doctor. Would you talk to him? Please? He might be able to help. You don't have to do it right now, but...at least think about it."

Jenny nodded and before he had time to question his actions, DiNozzo stood and made his way around the desk, hugging her tightly. He kissed her cheek lightly as he pulled away, and she met his gaze seriously, her eyes desperate.

"This is need to know, DiNozzo. If even a whisper gets out about this—"

"It won't," he promised, "I won't say a word. But if you need anything, give me a call. Okay? Once partners, always partners, remember."

As he walked from the room, Jenny found herself wondering if she'd just made the worst mistake of her life.


When Jenny's trembling hands finally found her phone, she knew, even as she unlocked it, that she would have never made the call had she been sober. But she'd just purged for close to an hour and the blood still staining her hands was beginning to scare her more with each passing second. It rang over and over again, each ring making her want to scream, and just as she was preparing to hang up, she heard a familiar click.

"DiNozzo."

"It's Jenny. Are you busy right now?"

"Not particularly, just got out of the shower. What's up?"

"I need to talk to you. Now."

"Is this about what we talked about in your office?"

"Yes," she answered honestly, "I—there was blood. More than what I'm used to. I don't know what to do."

"Give me five minutes. I'll be right there."

He hung up, leaving her alone, and as she texted Gibbs, she tried to keep her fingers from making a mistake, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she remembered he wasn't home.

What time will you be home tonight?

Same time as usual. Everything ok?

Yeah, just wondering. See you at five. I love you.

Love you, too.

The low knock on her door fifteen minutes later made her jump and as she opened it to reveal her former partner, she found that she was suddenly uncharacteristically nervous. She'd worked with DiNozzo for years, there were no secrets between them, and yet she found herself feeling afraid to talk to him now. He gave her a smile as he stepped into her apartment and as she gestured for him to sit, he noticed the blood on her hand, frowning at her.

"How bad, Shep?"

"I—I can't stop. I thought I could, but...what...what do I do?"

She made her way into the kitchen, washing her hands slowly, and when she'd finally returned to sit down on the couch next to him, he noticed the markings on the back of her right hand.

"Is that from—?"

She nodded and he took her hand in his, examining it closely. As his fingers lightly brushed over the cut skin, she jumped, unused to the slight pain it inflicted. He apologised profusely but Jenny shook her head, waving the words away with her free hand.

"It's okay."

"Talk me through what happens, Shep," DiNozzo began gently, "when you do...that...what's going through your head?"

"I don't know," she admitted, shaking her head, "The main thought that I have is that I have to do it quickly, because if I wait too long after eating, it won't work."

"Is this because you think you're fat? Because you look great, Red. I'd go for you in a heartbeat if—"

"Tony," she interrupted with a quiet laugh, "that isn't it. But thanks. It's nice to know how other people see me."

"Nah, that's not it. You scare the hell out of me, Jenny. Always have, even when we did sleep together. I thought you might kill me just for the fun of it. You're a strong, incredibly smart woman who just happens to be hot as well."

Jenny laughed quietly, thankful for the opportunity to escape the thoughts in her head for a moment, and it was then that she realised why she'd called DiNozzo instead of Gibbs in the first place. Gibbs would have made her face the problem head-on, and her former partner was taking a different approach, trying to ease her into it, which she desperately needed.

"I can't explain it, I just have to have something in my life that I can control, and this is it."

"But, Shep...you could die. Like, seriously. I looked it up. You could rupture your esophagus while you're doing it and you would die. And it would be a painful, horrible way to go. Aren't you even a little bit scared of that?"

She nodded, twisting her hands in her lap.

"All the time. I spend most of my day trying to tell myself that it will be the last time, but as soon as I put something into my mouth and swallow, I know what's going to happen. It's like I'm not the one doing it sometimes, like I'm watching myself on a screen. Does that make sense?"

DiNozzo nodded, placing his hand over hers, effectively stopping the nervous habit, and when she looked at their hands together, he took a deep breath.

"Look, Jenny...I won't pretend to understand it, but if you ever need to talk, you know I'm here. And when you decide to talk to Ducky, I'll go with you if you want. You don't have to do this alone, even if you feel like you can't talk to your boyfriend yet."

Jenny nodded again and as they stood up to make their way to her door, he wrapped his arm around her.

"You can't die yet, Red. You just got promoted. You haven't had a chance to give McGeek hell yet. Just remember...you have that power now."

She laughed, opening the door, and as he stepped out into the hallway, he kissed her cheek, meeting her eyes seriously.

"I mean it, Jenny. Call me."

She nodded, unaware of the eyes watching her as she did so.

"I will. And thanks, Tony."


Her door had been closed for all of thirty seconds before there was another knock on the wood surface and when she opened it to find Gibbs standing on the other side, she smiled, not noticing the expression on his face.

"Jethro, you're home a little early. Slow day?"

"Why was DiNozzo here? Is something going on at work? Did something happen?"

She shook her head.

"No. It was a personal visit."

"A personal visit? Jen, given your past with him, that doesn't make me feel any better."

She laughed as soon as she realised what he was thinking and shook her head again, raising up to kiss him gently.

"Trust me, Jethro, if I were going to see someone else, I could certainly do a lot better than Tony. I promise, it isn't what you were thinking."

He frowned but took her at her word, still curious as he stepped inside her apartment.

"You gonna tell me what it was?"

"Not...not now."

As soon as she looked into his eyes, she knew she'd made a mistake, and reached for his hand.

"I just need time, Jethro. Please don't take this the wrong way. It's nothing that—"

"It's nothing, yet it was enough of something for you to call DiNozzo instead of me. We don't keep secrets anymore, Jen. At least I thought we didn't. Take all the time you need and when you're ready to talk, you call me."

It wasn't until her door had slammed shut behind him that Jenny truly allowed herself the time to cry, falling onto her couch as her pain became too heavy for her to handle.


As much as it was killing her, Jenny gave Gibbs a week to calm down, distancing herself and staying at work as long as she possibly could, locking herself in her office until the early hours of each morning. She was purging more than once a day, making Tony DiNozzo feel nervous each time he saw her either approaching or leaving a restroom, and as she finally left her office late one Friday night, he caught her at the elevator, giving her no place to run.

"What's going on with you, Red?"

"Jethro and I had a fight," she whispered, too exhausted to lie, "about you."

"Me? What did I do this time?"

"He saw you leaving my apartment last week. I couldn't tell him why you were really there, so he made the wrong assumption. Not that I blame him, given the circumstances."

DiNozzo whistled, looking at her sadly.

"Just talk to him, Jenny," he said quietly, "He'll understand."

Even as she walked out of the lift, the redhead wasn't so sure.


Gibbs

Though he would never admit it to anyone but himself, he missed Jenny. He'd known, deep down, that she'd been telling him the truth, but it still hurt to know that she'd trusted her colleague before him, and as he made his way up to his apartment, he shook his head in an attempt to clear it. It was later than he'd come home in a long time, having decided to go for a drink with one of the guys from the recruitment office in a desperate attempt to forget his trouble, and though it hadn't worked, he had welcomed the distraction.

As luck would have it, Jenny had just pulled in behind him, and while he was doing his best to ignore her, he couldn't help but notice the way she moved slower, the downcast gaze of her eyes, and when he called her name, she jumped, having not even noticed him as she'd passed.

"Oh...hi, Jethro."

Her tone was weak, defeated, and he frowned. Something was definitely wrong with her.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said quietly.

"Like hell. Jen, come on. I know I was angry, but...what's going on? Please talk to me. I don't want to lose you over someone as dumb as DiNozzo."

She smiled faintly at his joke, and as they reached their apartments, he reached out to tilt her head up, needing to see her eyes. They were distant, hollow in a way he hadn't expected, and it made him more concerned for her than he'd been in weeks.

"Don't shut me out, Jen. Not now."

Neither of them knew which one moved first, but when their lips met, Jenny grabbed his shirt like a lifeline, holding it in her hand so tightly that it was painful.

"Can we talk about this later?" she asked, kissing him again.

He nodded, pulling his keys from his pocket and unlocking the door so quickly that it made Jenny's head spin. Or perhaps that was the feeling of his mouth on hers taking her breath away. In any case, she decided it didn't really matter, and as she kicked the door shut, she pushed the thoughts she'd been fighting all day to the back of her mind. Nothing else but him mattered at that moment, and she was going to do whatever it took to prove it to him.


A/N: Until next time, my loves.