Being Brave
"Absolutely not!" Tigress shouted up from her chair. Po flinched for a brief second before standing tall again, something he rarely did when talking to Tigress. The imposing tiger glared into the panda's form as if she would eat him. She probably would. Po sighed, looking back at her with a defeated, trying look.
"Why not?"
"I'm not going to do it. I'm not afraid of him. I told you this."
"Okay, then tell him that you don't like what he's done."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I... I lied."
"No you didn't."
"How do you know?"
"Because you don't lie to me. At least not like that. And why lie about something like that? For my sympathy?" Po shook his head. "No, you're not like that, Tigress."
"Po, I..." Tigress couldn't bring herself to say it.
Po remembered the day this argument really started. Shifu, himself, and the Furious Five were sitting in a trench just outside a bandit foothold. The panda looked over to Shifu, who kept peering over the landscape. The foothold was on a hill above them and trying to attack it from below was proving difficult. Po laid his back against the trench wall dug out by the Chinese army. This bandit stronghold was tough. They had been here for several days, and the panda started to think that the bandits would soon break. As time wore on, though, the bandits seemed to dig their heels deeper into the stronghold. They weren't going without a fight. That much was clear as a loud flashing fireball zoom over them, crashing with a loud thud. He looked to his right where Shifu stood. "What do we do?"
"I'm trying to figure out something, Po," The red panda replied. A loud flaming roar flashed overhead and exploded further down the hill.
"Could you figure out faster because they're starting to get pretty close with those fireballs!"
"We can't just attack them without a plan," Shifu replied.
"Why not?"
Shifu snapped his neck back.
It wasn't unusual to question him like this. When he heard Po's voice speak those words, he didn't think much about it.
But what made both of the pandas confused was hearing Tigress's voice among Po's. "Master Shifu, I know that planning this out is important, but their left flank is lacking. They're focused on the army on the right."
"They might have traps on the left side. We have to be careful, Master Tigress." He stared a bit longer before turning back to survey the land. Po noticed the tiger's ears drooping ever so slightly.
BOOOOMMM!
An earthquake ruptured the ground behind him. "Shifu," Po said warningly. "Those catapults are getting closer!"
"Po, I need time to think."
"We're running out of time!"
"Po, I-" the red panda looked back at him and stopped. "Where's Master Tigress?" Po's head whipped to the other side. Where a striped warrior was supposed to be sat nothing. The rest of the Furious Five pointed over the trench wall. Po and Shifu watched as the tiger darted across the no-man's land under a second and scratched her way up the wooden fortress wall. Archers from above struggled to get their gear in line, but by the time they did, Tigress leapt onto them and knocked them into dream land. She growled, launching towards the large catapults and cutting them down with a battle axe from a fallen bandit. The flaming balls rolled backwards into the fortress, causing mass hysteria among the crooks.
"Ahh! Retreat! Retreat!" The bandits came out with their hands flaying in the wind. They collapsed before the Kung Fu masters. "Please, take us! Just get us away from her!"
"Well, that's one way to conquer a fortress," Crane murmured. Po and Shifu looked at the doors of the fortress. Master Tigress stood, dusting her hands as the army rushed into the fort past her.
"Alright, Tigress! Way to go!" Po cheered. But the tiger didn't have the face that Po expected. She was frowning; her ears drooped; and Po could have sworn she saw her gulp. He followed her eyes down to the red panda who held a furious glare.
Later that evening, Shifu scolded the tiger for her actions at the fort. "You could've been killed, Master Tigress. And this isn't the first time you've blatantly disobeyed my orders."
"I'm sorry, Master Shifu."
"You are to stay at the Jade Palace until I see fit to let you down. Am I understood?"
Tigress sighed, "Yes Master Shifu."
"You are dismissed." The tiger left without another word or sound. With his master's staff in hand, Shifu sighed and turned around. He jumped back. Instead of seeing the long shelf of scrolls and the Moon pool of the Hall of Heroes, he found a large panda with his arms crossed, a puzzled lifted eyebrow, and angry frowning lips.
"That was harsh and you know that, Master Shifu," Po said with surprising sternness.
"Po, I don't need two of my students questioning my strategies," Shifu replied, walking past him.
"Your strategy wasn't working," Po said plainly.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me the first time, Shifu," Po said, unfazed. Shifu looked at the panda. The fact that Po's demeanor didn't change concerned him. "I talked with the commander of the army."
"Why?"
Po rose an eyebrow. "Because I'm the Dragon Warrior?"
"Why didn't he talk to me?"
Po took a deep breath, "He wanted to know why we were taking so long to flank them on the left side. When I told him the reason..." Po trailed off.
"What did he say, Po?"
"I... My dad has told me not to say exactly what he said," Po explained, "But the gist of it was that if it weren't for Tigress's actions, the rest of the army would've been destroyed." The panda paused. "He said you were taking way too long to make your decision."
"To risk your lives?"
"We're Kung Fu warriors, Master Shifu. Our lives are always at risk," Po said calmly and factually. Shifu narrowed his eyes.
"Why are you telling me this?"
Po took a breath. "Did you rip Tigress a new one simply because she disobeyed you or because you were actually worried that she would get hurt?"
"That she would get hurt, of course."
"Really? Because that's not what I got from what you said," Po's stare hardened. "And what other times are you talking about?"
"When she collected the Furious Five?"
"That wasn't her fault and you know it."
"When she fought against Tai Lung?"
"Okay, fair. That makes one though."
"And this instance, and when she fought Boar. I've told her time and time again that I-"
CRACK!
Po and Shifu looked to Master Oogway's staff. It wasn't broken, but the fibers had cracked under the tension. Po looked back at Shifu who was panting. He couldn't tell if the red panda was shocked at what he had done or what it meant. Shifu sighed into his hand. "What am I doing?"
Po shrugged and headed for the door. "I think you're just stumbling over your usual character flaw."
"Which is?"
"Trying to make someone something that they're not." With that, the panda walked away, leaving Shifu sadder and wiser.
Later on, Shifu apologized to Tigress about his harsh treatment, and the tiger seemed to take it very routinely. Po watched as Shifu apologized, but for some reason it felt like he was apologizing to a brick wall.
Po didn't think about it for a while until he and Tigress were in the kitchen talking. "I mean, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of radishes, but... I don't know. After that weird dream, I don't think I'll ever eat a radish."
Tigress smirked, "Maybe it's vegetable trauma that you're enduring."
"Hey, you didn't have the weird dream," Po frowned.
"I'm sorry."
"Anyway, what are you afraid of?"
"Death."
Po rolled his eyes. "That's not what I mean."
"Death is very scary," Tigress growled slightly, "Besides, knowing someone else's fear isn't important in a partnership."
"Why not? If you had a weak side, wouldn't you want me to make sure that it's covered?"
"Shoring up your weaknesses is different. Besides, I don't have a fear like what you're describing. Nothing other than rational fear makes me afraid."
"Like seeing me die?" Po asked casually.
"Y... yes," Tigress shivered as she scooped up another spoonful of her soup.
"Hey, it's okay," Po smiled, placing a hand on hers. "I'm here."
"I'm glad," Tigress smiled. She took a few more scoops.
"What about Shifu?"
"What about him?"
"Aren't you scared of him?"
Tigress's eyes widened. "What? No! What makes you say that?"
"Well, it's just... anytime he disciplines you or tells you you messed up, you seem to take it like an arrow to the heart. Are you afraid of disappointing him?"
"That's a rational fear to have, Po," Tigress replied. "Every student has a small fear of disappointing their master."
"This is more than a small fear."
"What do you mean?" Tigress snarled.
"Not every person is so afraid that they shiver like you do. And not everyone gets so upset at disappointing their master that they pound the Training Hall dummies into dust," Po countered.
Tigress stood up from her seat. "What are you trying to say? That I latch onto what Shifu thinks of me so much that I can't bear the pain when he's disappointed in me?"
"No. Actually," Po said, looking up at her. "I think you're a little more afraid of telling him exactly how you feel."
"About what?"
"About how he raised you? How he punished you? How he treated you in comparison to Tai Lung?"
"I am not jealous of Tai Lung," Tigress growled.
"I never said that."
"And what?" Tigress snarled, scrunching up the angry lines around her muzzle, "You think that I'm so afraid of what Master Shifu thinks of me that I don't want to face him? That I'm not going to face him because I don't want to feel his supposed wrath? That I'm scared that even if I do tell him, he won't hear me? Or worse yet, throw me out of the Jade Palace for even questioning his authority?!"
Po stared for a moment. She was panting hard, much like Shifu would when he was caught up in the heat of the moment. He waited for a minute, staring at the tiger's fiery form. Po sighed, "I only said one thing, Tigress. That you're afraid of telling Shifu what you feel. Why did you bring up all of the other things?"
"I... I..." She trailed off, sitting back into the chair. She stared helplessly into her soup, dumbfounded. "I... I..." Words refused to come out of her mouth. Why? "I... I don't know."
"Let's start simple," Po said, "How do you feel about what he did after you fought those bandits at the fortress."
"I... It's not right to question a master's-"
"I don't care what is right or wrong right now. What did you feel?" Po reiterated.
Tigress stared at the panda for two minutes. She bowed her head. Giving a long sigh, she looked out of the window. "I felt... wronged. I felt like I did the right thing but got punished for it. I mean, we needed to get the fortress. If we stayed there longer, we would've..." She stopped herself.
"No, go on."
"It's... It's not right-"
"Dang it, Tigress," Po grunted, frustrated, "Shifu isn't here. No one is here. You have a right to feel what you feel. Yeah, sure you shouldn't act on all of your feelings, but if you continue to deny that they're there, you're never gonna get any peace from it. Do you want to be like Shifu when Tai Lung was imprisoned?"
"No!" Tigress shouted and then sighed, "No. But I shouldn't-"
"Just because something should be, doesn't mean it is. And just because something is, doesn't mean that it should be," the panda said. Tigress fell silent. It always surprised them how Po's wisdom would randomly pop up. Po shrugged and got up from his seat, "Well, if you're not afraid of telling Shifu how you feel about everything, then tell him how you felt about the bandit raid. I'm sure he'd like the feedback."
"Absolutely not!" Tigress shouted up from her chair. Po flinched for a brief second before standing tall again, something he rarely did when talking to Tigress. The imposing tiger glared into the panda's form as if she would eat him. She probably would. Po sighed, looking back at her with a defeated, trying look.
"Why not?"
"I'm not going to do it. I'm not afraid of him. I told you this."
"Okay, then tell him that you don't like what he did."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I... I lied."
"No you didn't."
"How do you know?"
"Because you don't lie to me. At least not like that. And why lie about something like that? For my sympathy?" Po shook his head. "No, you're not like that, Tigress."
"Po, I..." Tigress couldn't bring herself to say it.
Then she whispered something under her breath. "I'm sorry what?" She did it again. Po narrowed his eyes. "I still can't hear you, Tigress. What are you-"
"I said I'm scared of what he'll think of me!" Tigress shouted. "Shifu is a strict teacher, Po. And he's stubborn."
"Just like a tiger I know," Po smirked, crossing his arms.
The said tiger glared, "And you know that stubborn with stubborn doesn't mix. I can't just tell him what I feel or anything like that!"
"Why not?"
"Because he's my master!"
"But he's also your father," Po said. Tigress's ears dropped. "Isn't that right?" Her head dipped, looking at the floorboards before side-glancing at Po.
"Why are you so determined like this all of a sudden? You're usually not this confrontational."
"With you?"
"With any of us," Tigress remarked.
"Shifu and you have been doing a lot of things that's brought out that side of me. It's rare, but when you're being raised by a chef, you learn to tell people the truth without fear. At least when you have to," Po chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. Tigress gave a brief smile. "But the fear is only going to grow if you don't face it. It gets smaller and smaller the more you face it. It never leaves, but it does get smaller."
"How do you know?"
"I've been the Dragon Warrior for a while," Po shrugged with his old warm smile. Tigress smiled back. "Just think about it."
"I... I will," Tigress replied. Po nodded and left the tiger in the kitchen. Tigress stared long into her soup. Though still, the steady increasing thump of her heart seem to make the soup liquid jiggle and ripple. Po was right. Fear doesn't get bigger when you continually face it. Po showed that time and time again.
But facing this fear felt like a spear to the chest that scraped down to her gut. She looked at her hands on the table. They were shaking. She was both terrified and amazed. Was the thought of telling Shifu her true emotions, fears, and feelings that horrific? She tried to shake her head and eat more of the soup. She gulped down more and more, in the end downing the soup in one go, desperately trying to calm the nerve-racking tremors in her hand.
"I've never seen you eat so much."
"ACCKK!" Tigress nearly choked on the soup, spitting and spilling the rest into her bowl. She immediately wiped her mouth clean of the liquid and bolted up to the upright position, standing tall and correct. "Master Shifu!"
"Master Tigress, it's okay. Please, sit down. I didn't mean to disturb you," Shifu smiled. Tigress sat back down, gently placing her hands in her lap while watching her master take a seat. He wasn't grabbing food, and he wasn't carrying Master Oogway's staff. Shifu's smile slowly disappeared the longer the silence went on. He shut his eyes with a deep sigh.
Tigress pursed her lips and clenched her abs. The only time Master Shifu did this was when he had a serious matter to discuss. "Is something wrong, Master Shifu?"
Shifu opened his eyes and looked at Tigress. He took a while to answer, like he was replaying the words that she said in his mind. "Tigress... how long have I been your master?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Since you adopted me from the orphanage."
"And how long ago was that?"
"Around 18 or 20 years," She said after a thoughtful pause.
"And in that time, when was the last time you called me father?"
Tigress blinked into shrinking eyes. This conversation wasn't making sense.
"Master Shifu what are you talking about?"
Shifu took a long breath, "I'm... beginning to wonder if I've been less of a father to you and more of a master. And in doing so, I haven't allowed myself to... be the father that I should've been. I think I've been less your father and more of your judge or master."
"But you are my master," Tigress said slowly.
"For the other Furious Five, yes. And for the most part they don't take what I say to heart. But you and I have a... completely different relationship. I should've remembered that," Shifu sighed. "With Tai Lung, I was too much of a loving prideful father. With you, I've been too much of a self-righteous strict master. And I'm... I'm sorry for that."
"Master Shifu, where is this all coming from?" Tigress suddenly asked. The red panda was speaking in more riddles and half-sentences than Master Oogway. There had to be a reason for all of this; some key that could make all of this make sense.
Shifu sighed again. "I... overheard your conversation with Po just now."
Tigress's heart plunged to the deepest trenches of the ocean where the light couldn't penetrate to the alien-like creatures. Everything made sense. Terrifying sense. She quickly moved to open her mouth, but Shifu rose his hand. "Tigress, please, don't be afraid. Is Po right? Are you afraid of telling me how you feel?"
"I..." She buttoned her lips and shut her eyes. She couldn't say anything. She wanted to lie. Yes the lie would make things better, right? You shouldn't lie to your master. But the truth hurt. Back and forth, her mind went, trying to find some kind of compromise that could bring things back to the way they were supposed to be. The way that she learned things were supposed to be.
"Please don't lie to me, Tigress," Shifu said. Now her fate was sealed. She couldn't lie. Her stomach churned, struggling to keep the soup down. Her gut twisted and lurched as the hands on her laps clenched and gripped themselves together in a futile attempt to get back to normal.
"Y... Y... yes."
"Why?"
"Because... I've... never had an option. To say what I felt. To feel what I feel," Tigress struggled to say. "I-I-It did hurt when you told me what I did at the bandit fort was wrong. It hurt a lot. Especially when the commander said that it was needed."
"Po told you," Shifu guessed.
"No... the commander told me himself," Tigress said. "And I'm... I'm tired of a lot of things that I can't even speak of or remember. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to hide all my emotions. All my feelings. And I don't want to be lost anymore. I don't know what you trained me for now. Am I supposed to be the Dragon Warrior or someone else? And I want to show all of these feelings, but... every time I've even hinted at a feeling that I have, I've been told that it's wrong. Either by you or people who are scared of me." She bowed her head, staring at her hands. "And that's why I don't show my emotions or talk about my feelings. I've gotten so used to not showing them. Because of what people see. Or how it will hurt them.
"Tigress," Shifu smiled, "You're not the little girl with an anger issue that I found in the orphanage. You've gotten much better over your rage and are still getting better."
"Still getting better?"
"Po can test anyone's rage."
"Hmm," Tigress chuckled humorously. She felt a glow in her chest. Like she had just puked out the worst thing in her stomach and now felt a whole world better.
"Tigress, did you really think I was going to throw you out of the Jade Palace for telling me what you thought?" Shifu asked. Tigress shrunk a bit. "Tigress, short of committing a crime, I would never do that. And even then, I would search to make sure that you were deserving of such a-" He stopped for a moment to let the gears churn in his head. "Is it because you're afraid of being treated like Tai Lung?"
"No! No, of course not, Master."
"Do you wish I treated you like him growing up?"
"I... I... don't... it would... help?" Tigress sighed, "Master Shifu, I don't know. This is the first time in my life that I've been able to have a conversation like this with you and I'm... terrified."
"About what?"
Tigress paused. "About... what you'll think of me."
"Tigress, regardless of what I think of you," Shifu smiled, "You have a right to choose." He frowned, "I'm sorry that I didn't give you that choice."
Tigress shut her eyes for a moment. Shifu couldn't tell if she was trying to erase all the hardship laden on her from his teaching, or maybe trying to forgive him. "Thank you, Master Shifu," She said evenly. "And I'm sorry that I... held all of these emotions about you. I should be... more honest about what I'm feeling."
"You should." Shifu nodded. "But I understand. I haven't given you the... safest space to be yourself. I'm sorry about that."
Tigress stiffly nodded. Shifu smiled. It was a start. Perhaps one day he would regain that fresh-eyed young tiger who he had snuffed out all those years ago in his blind pain. He stood up, bowed his head, and walked out of the kitchen, a little lighter than he came.
As his steps grew further and further away, Tigress plopped her head straight into the soup bowl. Her heart felt like it flatlined, and her body ached for no reason other than it had just cheated death in the most spectacular way. She sighed, letting the juice bubble out of the bowl and onto the table. She rose up, cleaned her face with a nearby rag, and continuously rubbed her eyes and face until the tension that had been lingering there slowly ebbed away.
She did it.
She faced her fear.
She didn't die, but the idea of having to do that again was already making her anxious.
And the idea that Po had done this for a while was incredible. Tigress sighed, resting her chin on her hand. She didn't realize how brave Po was or needed to be in order to do what he did on a daily basis.
There was a lot she could learn from the panda.
The End
