A/N: Welcome back to another installment of The Other Side of the Wall! I hope you enjoy it!


Shepard

Sighing as she ran her hand through her hair, Jenny forced herself to stand up from behind her desk, trying her best to ignore the pain that shot through her body as she did so. Today, it seemed, the universe was conspiring against her, threatening to derail her morning, and she visibly winced, not that there was anyone around to see it. Bracing herself for the seemingly endless walk before her, she took a deep breath, concentrating on moving one foot after the other. Easy. She could do this, no problem.

After several incredibly difficult steps, she had reached the door, pulling it open slowly (had it always been so heavy?), and she painted a smile on her face.

"Good morning, Director."

Damn. She'd been hoping that Cynthia had stepped away from her desk. Human interaction was not in her realm of comfort just yet. Still, she had a job to do, and if she wanted to keep it, she needed to remain professional.

"Good morning, Cynthia. How are you?"

"Pretty good. I was just about to remind you of the meeting with Senator Jenkins, but it looks like you've got it covered."

Jenny smiled.

"For once, I remembered. Thank you, though."

She couldn't tell if Cynthia had noticed anything off in her demeanour, but so far it looked like she was in the clear. Nevermind the fact that her legs could hardly support her weight.

"Director, are you sure you're okay?"

Snapping back to the present conversation, Jenny frowned, unsure of what she had missed.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's just..." Cynthia paused, her voice quiet, "I don't want to overstep, but...you've been looking paler than usual and you've lost weight. I mean, please don't take any of this the wrong way, you still look great, but I was just a little worried."

Each second she stood in front of Cynthia's desk was beginning to feel like an eternity, and she could feel her legs start to shake. She needed to get to the conference room chair as soon as possible.

"I'm fine, Cynthia. I appreciate your concern, really, but please don't worry about me."

She smiled again, hoping it looked more genuine than it felt, and as she walked away from the younger woman, Jenny knew that she hadn't believed her in the least. That, however, was something for future Jenny to worry about. Right now, she had to expend all of her energy in making sure that she didn't pass out in the middle of this meeting.

God, she needed the world's largest and strongest cup of coffee...


To her utter amazement, the meeting passed without incident, and as Jenny made her way to the elevator in search her much-needed caffeine jolt, she was feeling more than a little pleased with herself. When the silver doors slid open to reveal her favourite agent, she smiled, genuinely for the first time that morning.

"Jen," he greeted her with a nod.

"Jethro," she replied with a smile, "how's it going on your end?"

He shrugged.

"Pretty light today. DiNozzo is amusing himself by re-writing McGee's book draft when he's not looking."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head.

"He's going to be so pissed when he finds out."

Gibbs nodded.

"Definitely. How was your meeting?"

Jenny rolled her eyes, a look of half-amusement, half-exasperation on her face.

"Boring. And long. It went over by half an hour, and I would kill for a cup of coffee right now. Hence the reason I'm here."

The doors opened and Gibbs gestured for her to exit first, though Jenny strongly suspected he'd only done so as an excuse to stare at her ass, and as they walked down the hallway, he gave her a serious look.

"How are you feeling today?"

She'd known he would ask, known there was no way she could avoid the question forever, but it still made her heart race at the thought of admitting the truth.

"I'm okay," she lied, deliberately not catching his eye.

"Jen..." his voice held a hint of warning.

"Really, Jethro," she insisted, "I was having a rough morning, but I think sitting in that meeting helped give me a bit of energy back. The coffee will do the rest."

The look in his eyes told her that he knew she'd lied to him, but he thankfully dropped the subject as she reached for a paper coffee cup. She picked up the pot of coffee, holding her cup with her left hand, and began to pour the rich liquid, so strong smelling that she could already taste it. Halfway through filling it, however, her hand jerked of its own accord, spilling the scalding liquid over her skin, burning her hand so intensely that the cup fell from her grip.

Gibbs pulled her away from the counter in an attempt to keep her from burning any other part of her and she swore quietly, closing her eyes against the pain.

"You okay?"

She nodded, opening her eyes slowly, and when she took a step away from him, her knee buckled beneath her, giving her only a split second to catch herself on the counter.

"You were saying?" he said, his voice sarcastic and harsh as he took her arm and pulled her upright.

"I'm—"

"If you even think about saying you're fine, I'll walk away right now," he threatened, his voice low in her ear.

She said nothing, allowing him to pour them both coffee, and as they walked back to the elevator, it didn't escape her notice that he never once took his eyes off her. The doors of the elevator had been shut for a fraction of a second before he hit the emergency stop button, his eyes hard as he looked at her, daring her to lie to him now that there was no chance of being overheard.

"The truth, Jenny."

"I..." she paused, trying to gather her thoughts.

How was she supposed to tell him that even breathing was painful at times? How did she admit that her good days were almost nonexistent now? How could she make him understand that she couldn't simply quit, even though some days she couldn't even force her body to stand?

"I'm scared, Jethro," she said softly.

He waited, knowing she wasn't finished.

"Every day I wake up not knowing if I'll even be able to get out of bed, whether I'll be able to walk more than a few steps. The medication helps sometimes, but not often enough. I can't just quit my job, I worked too hard to get here and I really love what I do. But some days I wake up and wonder if I'm even going to live long enough to see Carly graduate."

He frowned.

"It's not a death sentence."

"I know," she said quietly, "That wasn't what I meant. I meant that what if one day the pain is too much, and I—"

She didn't elaborate, but she knew from the look on his face that he knew exactly what she meant. He set their coffee cups on the floor of the elevator and pulled her into his arms, running his fingers through her hair.

"No, Jen," he whispered, "We'll figure it out. Maybe there's a medication that can help. Maybe Ducky knows of something."

He kissed her hair, his hold on her as tight as he dared to make it, and when he spoke again, Jenny didn't think he could have broken her heart more if he'd tried.

"Please don't make me live without you, Jen. Please."


Gibbs

For hours after his conversation with Jenny in the elevator, Gibbs had been wracking his brain trying to come up with a solution that would allow Jenny to keep working but possibly be easier on her health, and had thus far come up with ideas within the category of Absolutely Nothing. If he was being honest, there was a part of him (though he would never admit just how large a part it was) that wanted to just scream at her and demand that she stay at home, but he knew that she would never agree to that. She would resent him for even suggesting it, and even if by some miracle she did agree, she would go out of her mind with boredom by the end of a week.

He was immensely thankful that his team didn't have a case and was currently too occupied with their own antics to notice his distraction, and as he searched his mind, he tapped his pen absentmindedly on his desk. He didn't realise that he had been staring vacantly into space for the better part of twenty minutes until he heard someone's voice, startlingly close to his ear.

"Something on your mind, Gibbs?"

It took him a moment longer than it would have to realise that DiNozzo had spoken, and he shook his head.

"Nope," he replied, popping the "p", "just thinking about all the ways I could kill you and get away with it."

DiNozzo laughed, shaking his head.

"Nah, I think our little Probie might beat you to it once he sees his notebook."

Gibbs glanced up at him, noticing for the first time that they were alone.

"Where'd they go?" he asked, nodding his head at Ziva's and McGee's desks.

"Went to get lunch. I brought my own. Seeing this chick who's a chef at a little Italian restaurant, so I get tons of free food."

The team leader didn't bother to acknowledge this, hoping that the younger agent would get the hint and let him think in peace.

"Thinking about the wedding?"

Gibbs frowned.

"Who—"

"No one. Figured it out myself when I went to her office last week. Speaking of, how is the fearless leader today? Haven't seen much of her."

"She's fine," he replied shortly.

Couldn't this guy take a hint?

"Well, like I told her, I'm not going to spill her secret. But if either of you ever need anything, just ask."

Wait...was it possible that he knew?

"She told you?"

DiNozzo nodded, walking back over to his desk, his eyes serious as he sat down in the chair.

"When someone almost collapses in front of me, I don't usually accept "I'm fine" as an answer. Kinda forced it out of her. But, the offer stands. You guys aren't alone and I know McGee and Ziva would drop everything to help, too."

Gibbs merely nodded, unsure of what to say, and DiNozzo leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk, reminding him so strongly of Jenny's days as the team leader that he almost smiled. The mention of McGee had given him an idea, though, and he stood up just as the elevator chimed.

"Did we get a case?" Ziva asked as she stepped out, looking in his direction curiously.

"No," he heard DiNozzo answer, "he's probably going to look for his millionth cup of coffee of the day."

As hard as he tried, Gibbs couldn't keep his smile from his face as he walked up the stairs.


Throwing open the door to Jenny's office gave him a spectacular view of her legs, crossed at the ankles, resting idly on her desk, the fabric of her dress pants spread out over the smooth surface. It was so like the scene he had just left that he laughed quietly, shaking his head as he shut the door behind him.

"You're a bad influence on DiNozzo," he said as he walked closer.

Jenny frowned, looking at him quizzically.

"I beg your pardon?"

"He was just sitting at his desk exactly the way you are now. I wonder who he picked that up from."

She laughed quietly, shaking her head.

"For your information, I had a muscle spasm and I was trying to keep my leg straight."

"Uh-huh," he said jokingly, "and what was your excuse before this diagnosis?"

"Shut up, Jethro."

She rolled her eyes in a way that told him she was kidding, and as he walked closer, she leaned back in the chair closing her eyes.

"What brings you here, Agent Gibbs?"

"I have a request."

"Oh?" She raised up, pulling her feet from the desk and fixed him with a curious look, "and what might that be?"

"Could you make a list of your duties as Director?"

He could tell that she was more than a little confused, but he ignored it. He didn't want to tell her of his idea until he was certain it could be done, and he nodded at her.

"I'm serious. Do you think you could make a list by the end of the day?"

Jenny was silent for a moment as she thought, and finally she nodded, her expression the perfect picture of confusion.

"I think so," she said slowly, "but may I ask why you're asking?"

"Nope," he replied as he turned to leave the room, "I'll see you later, Jen. Love you."

As he closed the door to her office, he fought against the laughter he could feel building in his chest.


"McGee! Conference room, now!"

The younger agent jumped up from his desk, the look of concern so strong that it nearly caused Gibbs to laugh again, and as soon as they had entered the elevator, he gave the team leader a terrified glance.

"Did I do something wrong, boss?"

"Good question. Did you?"

"N-no. I don't think so."

Gibbs smirked, shaking his head.

"Relax, McGee. You didn't do anything wrong. Got a question for you. You're tech savvy, right?"

A nod.

"What do you know about webcams?"

"Not much," he admitted, "I know we use them in MTAC, but I'm not really in there. I know people use them for certain, uh...things online, but...that's about it. Why?"

"Someone could, in theory, use one to work though, right? If they had meetings or things like that to attend, they could hook up to a webcam and everyone else in the meeting could conduct business in a different room?"

"Should work, yeah," McGee said after a moment, "I don't see why it wouldn't. Most laptops have built-in cameras now, so it wouldn't be that difficult. Why do you ask?"

"Carly's college classes," Gibbs lied quickly, "Could you walk me through how to connect to one? If I had a laptop, I mean."

"Sure, boss."

Well, at least that part was taken care of. Now he just had to figure out how to find a laptop...and he thought he knew just who he could ask to do it.


Shepard

Just as Jenny was lamenting the fact that time had slowed to a crawl, she was struck with a sudden idea. She couldn't have explained what had brought the thought to her, but once it had entered her mind, it refused to leave, spinning around and around like an amusement park ride. By the time she picked up her desk phone to call Gibbs, she had analysed nearly every possible outcome in her head, and she smiled as she dialed his extension.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, are you busy at the moment?"

"Yep," he said, his tone making it clear he was joking, "I'm plotting to overthrow the government."

"Put it on hold," she answered with a laugh, "I've got something to bounce off you."

"Okay," he replied, "Shoot."

"I want to give Carly my house."

"What?"

"You heard me, Leroy Jethro. I didn't stutter. It's just been sitting there empty for years. Neither one of us needs it, it would be a hell of a lot safer than the apartment she and Evan have now. There's no reason she shouldn't have it. Name one."

His silence was all the answer she needed and she smiled.

"That's what I thought. We can clean it, make any necessary repairs, and give it to her as an anniversary present of when she came to live with us."

"If you'd already decided, why did you ask my opinion?"

"Because if you'd come up with a valid reason, I would have agreed."

"Whatever you say, Madame Director."

"I hate you," she said quietly.

He laughed, making her smile.

"No, you don't."


The drive to Jasper Shepard's house (her house, Jenny corrected herself) was silent, though her mind was anything but. There were hundreds of thoughts flitting through her head, each one more unhinged than the last, and she shook her head as Gibbs parked his truck. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, so forcefully that it felt like her very breath had been taken away, and she forced herself to inhale as she opened the truck door. Gibbs was by her side the entire walk to the front door and as she reached for her keys, it occurred to her that she hadn't set foot in this house since her mother had been admitted to the psychiatric hospital a few weeks after Heather's death. She placed the key in the lock, half-hoping that it wouldn't work, that somehow the locks would have been changed, and turned it carefully. It opened easily, the door swinging open in the breeze, and Jenny stared at it, fighting the urge to pull it shut and run.

It was just a house. It couldn't hurt her and ghosts weren't real...

….or so she hoped.


Gibbs

Just by the look in her eyes, Gibbs knew that Jenny was more than a little apprehensive about walking into the house, and he placed his hand on her lower back, reminding her that she wasn't alone. He knew all too well the pain and fear she was experiencing, and as she turned to look at him, he gave her a reassuring smile. She briefly returned it and when she turned her attention back to the house, he knew that something in her mind had shifted. She'd put up a wall to protect herself and when she pushed the door fully open, her steps didn't falter even once.

Upon first glance, it was clear that Jenny's family had been well-off, and as they wandered into the living room, he tried to picture her here as a child: playing with her sister, having dinner with her mother, dancing with her father, running down the stairs for her first day of school...the images in his head made him smile slightly, and when he noticed Jenny was no longer standing next to him, he frowned.

She had moved to the mantle above the fireplace, looking at the framed photo of her family, and as he watched, she ran her fingertips lightly over the glass. A strange expression came over her face for a brief moment before she moved down the hallway, and when she came to a closed door, he frowned at the way she immediately began shaking.

"Jen?"

She didn't appear to have heard him, though there was no way his voice hadn't carried to her, and he walked closer, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?"

"I don't think I can go in this room," she said quietly.

He nodded.

"Okay. We can go upstairs and see what needs to be done there, if it would be easier."

He slowly led her away from the closed door, allowing her to go up the stairs first, poised to catch her if she should fall. He had to admit as they walked towards a closed door, that this was an incredibly nice house. If it had come with a basement, he wouldn't have hesitated to live here. The door in front of him swung open as Jenny pushed it, and she gave him a small smile as they walked through the door way.

"This was my room."

It was exactly what he would have expected from Jenny, the room neatly organised but welcoming, a few photographs taped to the walls, makeup lined up along the dresser, and he laughed.

"No posters of boys, huh?"

She laughed.

"Not really. I kept those in my binders at school."

She opened the closet, peering into it closely, and she ran her hands over a dress that she had once loved. It had been something she had worn to a party her mother had thrown once: a burgundy, white, and black dress with small sequins that she remembered catching the firelight as she had danced with her sister after a few drinks. Pulling it out, she examined it carefully, looking for any sign of damage, and smiled.

"Still in good condition. Maybe Little One would like it."

Gibbs nodded.

"Prom dress?"

Jenny shook her head.

"Wore it to a party Mom had. Heather and I got wasted on cocktails and danced together all night. I loved this dress. Might be able to find one similar to it in a bigger size if I'm lucky."

"Try it on."

She frowned, looking at him as though he'd lost his mind.

"There's no way this would fit me now. I wore it a decade ago."

He shrugged.

"Won't know until you try."

Knowing he would never let this go, Jenny rolled her eyes and began unbuttoning her jeans, slipping them off carefully, and when she pulled her shirt over her head, she heard a low whistle.

"See something you like, Agent Gibbs?" she quipped.

"Damn right," he said with a nod.

She laughed, stepping into the dress, trying to mentally prepare herself for the disgust and disappointment she knew would assault her as soon as she tried to pull the dress up her body. There was a slight resistance as the fabric caught in her feet, but she quickly freed it, the rest of the garment sliding up her frame with ease.

Her eyes widened when she realised that the dress did, in fact, fit, albeit a tad bit shorter than it had in the past, and she looked at Gibbs in confusion.

"Jethro..."

"Hm?"

"It...fits."

"Yep. Looks pretty damn good, too."

She frowned.

"How does it still fit?"

He moved closer, meeting her eyes slowly.

"I keep trying to tell you that you're not fat. You're beautiful, Jen. Even if you weighed three hundred pounds, you would still be gorgeous."

Jenny said nothing, merely slipping out of the dress and hanging it carefully back in the closet, and as she made her way out of the room, Gibbs lingered, touched that she had shared this part of her past with him. From his own experience, he knew just how painful being in this house was for her, but she seemed to be handling it remarkably well. He stayed only a moment longer, listening intently as he tried to figure out where she had gone, and after a quick search of the rest of the upstairs rooms, he realised she had gone back downstairs.

When he finally found her, she was standing in the middle of the room she had ignored earlier, her body motionless, and he frowned as he walked closer. She was shaking like mad as her eyes roamed over the room, and he strongly suspected that she was fighting the urge to run.

"What is it, Jen?" he said softly, not wanting to startle her.

At first, he didn't think she had heard him, too caught up in whatever memories this room held for her, but then he heard her draw in a breath, closing her eyes slowly.

"My father died in this room. He was murdered."

Shit. No wonder she hadn't wanted to come in here.

"Did they ever find out who did it?"

She shook her head.

"No," she answered, "it was ruled a suicide, but everyone who knew him knew that was a lie. That's why I started working at the agency. I wanted to track down the man who killed him. After a few years, I realised that even if I did find him, it wouldn't matter. My father would still be dead, and it wouldn't really make me feel any better, so I...I just stopped trying."

Again, her head shook, and he saw her blink hard.

"I gave up on my father, Jethro," she whispered.

"Hey," he reached for her, turning her around so that they were face to face, "You didn't give up on him. Your father wouldn't have wanted you to spend all your life trying to avenge his death. He would have wanted you to live for yourself and be happy. It's what all good parents want for their children."

She didn't look as though she believed him, and when she pulled away from him, he wasn't surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes. To her credit, she never let them fall, and when she gestured for him to leave the room, he did so without a word. The door closed tightly behind her, Jenny took a deep breath, leaning against the wood frame heavily, and Gibbs frowned.

"You okay?"

Nodding once, Jenny pushed herself off the door, and when she suddenly smiled, he couldn't help but feel the slightest bit suspicious.

"Do you think Little One will like it?"

"Jen, if it had a basement, we would be living here," he told her seriously, "She's going to love it."

She laughed, kissing him lightly on the cheek, her hand on his shoulder.

"You know this means we'll have to help her move again?"

Right. Just what he loved: hauling boxes for hours on end...Still, Carly would be safer here and that made any inconvenience worth it.


From the moment that Carly walked through the front door, Gibbs knew that Jenny had fallen in love. The puppy that ran to her immediately and jumped into her arms her made her smile in a way that he hadn't seen in quite some time, and he looked at their daughter with a laugh.

"Think you might have lost your dog, kid."

Carly laughed.

"Looks that way."

Jenny held Marnie securely in her arms, leaning over to kiss the top of her head, and laughed when the puppy licked the tip of her nose quickly.

"She is the most precious thing in the world," the redhead said, kissing her again.

Gibbs shook his head, looking at Carly seriously.

"Got a sec?"

She nodded.

"Sure, what's up?"

He nodded towards the kitchen and she took the hint, walking away from Marnie and Jenny, who was too preoccupied with the puppy in her lap to notice. After checking to make sure that they weren't being spied on, he looked at her seriously, his voice low.

"Do you have a laptop with a webcam?"

Carly frowned, running her hand through her hair.

"Yeah, I use it for school sometimes. Why?"

"What brand is it?"

"Um..." she paused, thinking, "I don't really remember. I can look at it when I get home and let you know. Are you thinking about trying to become less of a technological dinosaur?"

Gibbs glared at her.

"Very funny," he said dryly, "No. It's for your mom. Her symptoms are getting worse, and I wanted to see if there was a way to set it up so that she could work from home on the days that she needed to. I want to buy one for her and I figured if yours worked well, I would just get the same kind."

Carly smiled, her entire face lighting up as she spoke.

"Dad, that's a great idea! Have you told her yet?"

"No. I want to ease her into it. She might not like the idea at first."

"True," Carly laughed, "She's stubborn to a fault."

That, in his opinion, was the understatement of the century.


Though it had killed Jenny to give Marnie back to Carly that night as she'd walked out the door, Gibbs could tell just by a single glance that the day had taken its toll on her, and as she laid on the couch attempting to read a book, he knew she hadn't comprehended a word on the page. Her eyes moved slowly over the paragraphs, lingering on blinks each time they occurred, and when she paused to rest her head on the arm of the couch, he smiled slightly.

"Jen, why don't you call it a night? You're exhausted."

She shook her head slowly.

"I want to finish this chapter first."

"You're exhausted," he repeated, looking at her sternly, "You need to get some sleep."

She yawned, laughing softly, and finally nodded, marking her place in the large book before placing it on the coffee table.

"Fine," she said dramatically, "You win, Leroy Jethro."

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, standing and holding out his hand to help her up, and when he pulled her to her feet, he underestimated how light she was, sending her crashing into his body.

"If you wanted to be this close, all you had to do was ask," she laughed.

He merely kissed her cheek, letting her go up first, and when she had tumbled into the bed moments, later, he wasted no time in wrapping her in his arms, her head resting on his chest.

"Jethro?"

Her voice was soft, so quiet that he almost missed it.

"Hm?"

"Are you sure about this?"

He frowned, having no idea what she was talking about.

"About what?"

"Us. Living together, getting married..."

"Little late to be second-guessing, don't you think?"

She shook her head, fiery hair spread across his chest.

"I just...you said that when you came back, all you wanted was to be left alone, to keep your memories of Shannon and Kelly, to live your life in peace."

Oh...now he understood.

"That's what I wanted then," he clarified, "Things change, life happens, people evolve. I'm more than happy with the way my life is now. I wouldn't change a thing about it. I'm not the same person I was when I came back, or even when I was married to Shannon. And what makes you think I'm not living my life in peace now?"

"Jethro, I could never give you peace. I could do everything right, promise sunshine and perfect days, but the rain is always going to find me."

He kissed her hair, running his fingers through the strands carefully.

"I don't want perfect days and sunshine every day," he told her honestly, "That would be boring. And storms are captivating, beautiful in a chaotic way. Just like you."

She laughed.

"Chaotic is definitely an accurate way to describe my life."

She was silent for so long that he was sure she'd fallen asleep, and he reached over, turning off the bedside lamp, kissing her hair as he settled more comfortably on the mattress. Closing his eyes, he tightened his hold on her, marveling at the way they seemed to fit together perfectly.

"Tell me you love me, Jethro."

He opened his eyes, glancing down at her.

"I love you," he answered seriously, "You know I do. More than anything."

"Do you still want me?"

"Always," he paused, gathering his thoughts, "Listen, Jen...after Shannon died, I went on dates with a few women. One relationship seemed like it would be exactly what I needed, but something about it felt off. I couldn't figure out what it was at first, but I realised a few months in that I was just going through the motions of what was expected of me. I liked her, she was a sweet woman, but every time we kissed, I felt nothing. I didn't understand it. She was beautiful, a good person, it should have been easy to have sex with her, but...it wasn't."

Jenny said nothing, and he continued, hoping she was still awake.

"You were the first person I'd ever wanted since Shannon died. Before I'd even seen you, I knew I liked you, just from what I could hear through those walls. When I saw you in the parking lot, I couldn't believe how beautiful you were and the first time we kissed, it took everything I had to keep from tearing your clothes off. A lot of things have changed for us in the last year, but that never has. And it never will."

Jenny raised up from her position on his chest, her eyes finding his in the darkness.

"You know, you sure do have a way with words when you choose to use them," she remarked with a smile.

He shrugged, running his fingers through her hair as he leaned closer to kiss her.

"I love you, Jethro," she said quietly, "And I'm sorry for sounding like a stupid teenage girl lately. It's just...I'm not used to this. I'm used to men who get bored of me after a few months and move on to the next thing. And with the way my health is now, I can't...I'm scared that I'm going to lose you."

Gibbs shook his head, kissing her again.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jenny."

She pulled him closer, bringing her mouth to his in a kiss that was so hard it could have bruised.

"Promise me," she whispered against his lips, her hands tangled in his hair.

"I promise."

Her right hand moved from his hair to slide down to his shoulder, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly in her fingers, and she kissed him again, her tongue dancing over his. He knew he should stop her, knew that she needed to save her strength, but damn, she was a fantastic kisser.

"Jen..."

"I know," she said, "I know, but please...I'm not...just kiss me, Jethro. Please."

There was a desperation in her voice that he hadn't heard in quite a long time, making him worry that something was seriously bothering her, but he knew better than to question her on it right now. He kissed her again, holding her close against his chest, and when she tightened her fingers in his hair, he forced himself to remember that they needed to take things easy. She whispered his name, sliding her left hand under his shirt, and he pulled back, looking at her seriously. He hadn't planned on broaching the subject with her, but if he wanted to stop this, he needed to find out what she was running from.

"Hey...what's going on?"

She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean something is bothering you. Pretty badly, if the way you're trying to push it away is any indication."

"Nothing's wrong," she answered.

He knew, just from the way her voice shook, that she was lying, and he shook his head, meeting her gaze somewhat angrily.

"I told you when we met that I hate being lied to, Jenny."

"I already told you," she said finally, "Earlier today in the elevator."

He nodded.

"You're scared."

"Wouldn't you be? If your entire life was being destroyed, little by little, every single day?"

"This isn't necessarily a death sentence," he told her, "The doctors said that your symptoms could go into remission and you might not have any complications for years."

"I know."

"And when that happens—"

"I don't know if I can wait that long, damn it!" she interrupted, her voice strained, "I can't eat, I can hardly sleep even though I'm so exhausted that I can't even think straight, I have days where I can't get out of bed no matter how hard I try..."

She paused, looking away from him, and he could have sworn there were tears in her eyes.

"It even hurts to breathe," she whispered, "Sometimes it hurts so much I can't stand it."

Gibbs reached out to touch her, turning her face back to his, looking into her eyes seriously.

"Jen, why didn't you tell me?" he asked gently, "I would have never said—"

"I know, Jethro," her voice was faint, resigned, "I'm not upset with you. I just don't know how to admit when I need help or how to ask for it. Surely my eating disorder and dealing with my mother taught you that."

He nodded, but still didn't look away from her.

"I want you to tell me these things. Please. If I can help make it easier, I want to. I don't want to lose you."

She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes wearily.

"If I did...do that...you would hate me forever...wouldn't you?"

He thought for a long moment, considering his own emotions, turning them over in his mind. Could he really be angry with someone for wanting the pain to stop at any cost? On one hand, he didn't want to even think about it, but he knew that given her history, especially when combined with her present situation, that it was a distinct possibility.

"No," he answered finally, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "It would absolutely destroy me and Carly, but...if it was the only way to make your pain stop, then I would understand."

He kissed her hair, breathing in the scent of her perfume.

"Don't think that this means I'm giving you permission, though," he told her seriously, "Because I'm definitely not."

Jenny nodded, reaching for his hand.

"I know," she said quietly, "and I won't do it unless I have no other options. I know what it feels like to be on the other side, remember?"

A short silence filled the room, and he kissed the top of her head again, lingering longer than was necessary.

"Do you still want to marry me?" she asked.

"Of course I do, Jen. I still love you just as much as I always have. Maybe even more."

She raised her eyebrow in question and he smiled.

"You're the strongest, bravest person I know, and I am so proud of you."

"So...you're not giving up on me?"

Gibbs kissed her, holding her as close as he could.

"Never in a million years."


A/N: Let me know what you liked and what you hated! Reviews make my entire day! Until the next time, my loves!