"I could get on top of you, if you want."
"Really?" She saw the excitement in his eyes as she looked up at his face. They were lying naked embraced under the blanket, he was satisfied after orgasm, she after a deepthroat of her dreams. "I was under the impression you weren't crazy about it."
"But you were, so we could try again."
"We don't have to." She knew he was going to say that, he was always reassuring like that. Right now though she was high on getting to see him after missing him for so long and turned on by an aftertaste of his semen, it made her willing to give it a shot.
"I said then that we could try it again, why not as soon as you get it up once more." He was all about pleasuring her, it was high time she put in more effort into realizing his desires. If she had to let go of her inhibitions from taking on a more active role to do so, she was willing to at least attempt it. She didn't want him to question whether she was his best option.
It was unbearably tempting to ask the mirror about Bigby when he was away. And not even to see him mercilessly killing the man who thought that he had the right to mistreat her and demand her body, or not just to see that. No, the real reason was that she was curious whether he was cheating on her. She shouldn't use that word, because first of all it wasn't appropriate to whatever they had, and also because she didn't just mean breaking their arrangement and fucking Cindy. She was wondering whether there was some flirtation going on between them. To her it still would feel like cheating, even if the feeling would be unfounded.
When Cindy said there was no need to worry about them going together to Paris since they could just have sex in New York, it didn't calm her down at all. It only made her wonder about them back home as well as on a trip to Europe. Obviously Bigby had no real commitment to her. At any moment he could say he was done with fucking her to date someone or just because of boredom. He could get with Cindy if he wanted to. And as she was lying in his arms waiting for them to have sex again, she was scared that he could want it.
The sex they were having, it was amazing. She never thought she could get so much fulfillment out of her sexuality. But for him? He greatly enjoyed it for sure, not that she doubted that, but she wasn't able to give him as good of a time as he was giving her. Most that she had to offer was looking incredible while doing things that Cindy would've done better. And she wasn't even more attractive than Cindy to make up for it.
If Bigby wanted to, he would've already fucked her, and they said that never happened. If he preferred Cindy, he would've just chosen her. Snow knew that, but she still could not free herself from speculating about their friendship. He told her he was more attracted to her than to Cindy, okay, but what if one day he decides he wants someone more experienced, more confident and less traumatized? With Cindy it would just be easier and more convenient for him. Before the affair started, she assumed it would not last forever, but to be left for another woman… that would make it so much worse.
She was mad at herself, a moment ago she was enjoying the closeness and heat of sex, and now she found herself in the same thought spiral she was in while he was away and she was contemplating having a peek at him. And the worst part was that he noticed something was off.
"You're stressed all of the sudden."
"It's nothing."
"Are you sure about that?" Frankly, she didn't want to answer. She would like for him to not take notice at all so she could be anxious in peace.
"What do you like about having sex with me?"
"That I get to have sex with you." He smiled. "You're the most alluring woman I have ever encountered. Each time I think I can't possibly be more horny for you, you find new ways of turning me on beyond my imagination. And the way you can suck off a cock? Impeccable."
She looked into his eyes and saw pure passion. It used to bother her, but now she was enjoying it. She felt pride in her capability to ignite desire of someone she actually wanted to be desired by. The way he looked at her was almost enough to make her forget fears that felt more obligatory than genuine with every moment.
"You're not bored of the same vagina all the time?" She said it as if she was joking, but she wasn't.
"No." He stated firmly, no question in his voice. It should have calmed her down, but it didn't. "I could never be bored of you." She wasn't sure anymore that there was anything he could say that would change her belief that she wasn't satisfactory for any man or wolf to commit solely to. But still she wanted to listen to him trying to convince her otherwise.
"Why?"
"You just aren't boring. I have known you for centuries now and you never bored me. Why would it be any different in bed?"
"It is different. Aren't you worried that you might be missing a chance for something better by being stuck with me?" He closed his eyes and sighed before she even finished her sentence.
"Why is my judgment of my experience of screwing you so unreliable?" Because it wasn't about him.
"I'm trying to believe you, but I don't feel like I'm able to keep you so satisfied you wouldn't ever want anyone else." She didn't think her words through and said it like she wanted them to keep it going forever. She saw in his eyes that he noticed that. Fuck it, she said what she said.
"I only want you. Did something happen, why are you so concerned?"
She felt like she was caught red handed. Was there any point in bullshitting him? She was ashamed of her fears, but she has already shared with him so many things she was embarrassed about. And it wouldn't even be the first time she mentioned her feeling of inadequacy compared to Cindy.
"When you were away I was wondering about you and Cindy."
"I thought we were over this" he almost whispered, turning to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling.
"No, I brought it up once and you said you wanted to fuck me for a long time." She tried to not sound like she was reproaching him, because why would she? She was tense, but it wasn't his fault.
"I never slept with her and I'm not going to." He was putting stress on every word.
"Why?"
Bigby looked back at her with the same fierceness as before. A shiver ran through her body.
"Because I'm with you," he said calmly. Snow almost lost focus when he moved to hover over her, continuously looking straight into her eyes.
"Yes, but why? You could fuck her way before you were with me." She was saying the same things as the last time, because she still had the same doubts.
"I didn't want to." The timbre of his voice made her melt.
"Why?" She didn't have it in her to say anything more intelligent.
"Because I only ever wanted you."
When he said that, she sighed unwillingly and took a hasted breath. She didn't know what to say to that. It was her fault they got dangerously close to the topic… she didn't want to name what exactly the topic was, but she surely wished to avoid it. She was disconcerted, but under his determined gaze, it didn't feel scary at all.
Snow didn't answer him, so he didn't say anything else, but surely paid attention to her reaction. Bigby lowered himself to kiss her neck scratching her with his beard, and it felt so right. Maybe she should let go and believe him when he was repeatedly telling her she was all he wanted. Maybe she could be able to do that.
"Do you have any more questions about this?" he asked, but all she could think about was how much she craved his kisses.
"No, not right now."
He was even closer now, their bodies touching, his hand in her hair. She closed her eyes and let her mind lose itself in enjoyment of giving up control as his mouth was wandering over her neck, sharpness of his teeth at moments felt on her skin. At mercy of a ruthless monster and a gentle lover, under a demigod of legendary strength and power, unable to protect herself if he had any intent to hurt her, she only felt safety and care.
Suddenly, he rolled over to his back, taking her with him by her waist. She made a sound of surprise and smiled at him. He was ready to have sex again and held her to her words. Snow straightened her back, throwing off the blanket, and moved to check the state of his penis.
"Your dick is promising, but I know you can get it harder."
Bigby laughed at that.
"Make me."
Snow didn't need much more encouragement. She changed her position to lie on her stomach between his legs with her head located over his crotch, her intentions crystal clear. She was careful to not touch his genitals with her hands, she wanted to only use her lips and tongue and feel his growing erection in her mouth. It was a satisfying and a bit funny feeling when the structure was shifting as she was sucking it. She didn't get to enjoy it often, because most times when she was getting to it, he already had it fully erect. Not that she complained, but sometimes it was nice to do it herself. She looked up at his pleased face before putting it out of her mouth and licking precum off the tip. She had to know when to stop.
If she wasn't wet enough before, she surely was after that short oral encounter. Sucking dick was straight out of her comfort zone, now was the time for a challenge. She moved to sit on her knees over his hips, took the penis in her hand and slowly put it into her vagina, adjusting to it inch by inch. When it was fully inside, she first moved her hips left and right, trying to find the most comfortable knee width and back position. Then she started to lift and lower herself interchangeably with twirling her hips, to see what was working on him. He… Well, he was staring at her tits with a blissful expression.
"How should I move, so it's best for you?"
"Hmm, just do whatever you're doing, it's all fine." Great, that did exactly nothing to help her insecurity about her sexual prowess. She had to learn how to do it properly.
"Can I get more feedback?" Only after he blinked and shook his head a little surprised, she understood she used her giving orders voice. While she had his cock inside of her. So sexy. Fuck, she was hopeless.
"When you move up and down you could also get closer and further. And put more force into it."
So she tried that, bending over him and searching for the rhythm.
"Is that better?" She deliberately put in effort to sound pleasant. He was quietly moaning, so she might've been doing something right.
"That's amazing."
He put two fingers on her clit, but she wasn't sure if it was going to work. Stimulation she was getting now felt nice and all, but she didn't feel like it was enough for her to come. And it wasn't her goal. She wanted to realize his fantasy, not get off.
"I don't need to come, it's fine."
"I want you to come." Him again with his ego. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes.
"Then pass me the vibrator from the drawer." He followed her command reluctantly. "I'll do it myself, you just focus on your dick."
She turned on the vibrator and set it on the fastest speed. With mechanical help, she climaxed within a minute, even if the atmosphere was a little off. Orgasm through her off the tempo for a moment, but seemed to only arouse him more, because soon she felt his cock getting even harder for a few seconds before he closed his eyes and ejaculated.
This intercourse could very well be the weirdest they had, but he looked content. She got off him and went to the bathroom, where apart from cleaning the sex toy and getting herself in order as usual she washed off her make-up, it wasn't doing her any favors anymore.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
"If you want me to, I obviously will." Obviously…
She got back under the blanket and lay on his chest.
"Obviously?"
"Yeah." He combed her hair and she looked up at his face. Again she felt this urge to believe he was true. She trusted him in so many ways, maybe she could get rid of all of her suspicions and hesitations. It could be stupid, but maybe… maybe it wasn't.
"You know, I've never before had sex with pleasure being the reason to do it." He didn't say anything, so she continued. "With Charming it was really good, but we were having sex because we were married, and we got married, because he saved me. We were in love and I wanted to be with him, but in a way I was put on this path." She was happy that he showed no surprise at her in a roundabout manner admitting that she had not had sex with anyone but him since the divorce. She really didn't want any judgment on that. "When I told him I was leaving, he said that we could stay together and I could find myself lovers too and he wouldn't care as long as they would pull out." Saying that out loud actually made her laugh. His expression didn't change, he was still calmly looking at her. "Then it wouldn't even occur to me that I could seek a relationship to enjoy sex."
"Do you often think about him?"
"I missed him for a long time, even though I was ashamed of it. When I stopped I almost forgot about him. But lately he was on my mind."
"Why?" She saw that he was unnerved about it, even if he didn't want to show it.
"He had to cheat on me because I could not be enough. He could not be content with being monogamous with me." It wasn't easy to say. She still wasn't sure if she should say that at all. "So when I was wondering if you were interested in Cindy, I was thinking about him."
"I'm a wolf, I can't do anything but monogamy." This sentence made her raise her eyebrows.
"I never thought of it that way." She paused. "You can't or you don't want to?"
"Both." He was still so tranquil, it made her feel at ease too. "I'm not built for anything else. If it's not with you, I don't care about sex."
It occurred to her to ask for how long he felt that way, but she realized whatever answer he would provide, she didn't want to hear it. If he were to say it started before they got together, that would give her too much to think about, but if the answer was the day they had sex for the first time, she would… she would be disappointed. And she didn't want to think about what it meant. It was her decision to pretend those inklings weren't there.
"When I was on top of you, did you like it more today than before?" She proposed a safer subject.
"Yes, but I prefer to make you come myself." Even when she asked directly about his pleasure, he was still talking about her orgasm.
"It turns you on more when it's you?"
"I like to be useful." She smiled at that. He was so obstinate.
"Even when I use a vibrator, you are still there. I'm still having sex with you. You know what I want to do one day? Give you a blowjob while masturbating, would you have a problem with that too?"
He was considering her question for some time.
"No… I'd say it's hot that sucking my dick turns you on so much you want to get off."
"I love sucking your cock" she mumbled. It was satisfying to watch him delight in her words. "I love having sex with you. It wouldn't be better without you, even if sometimes I use a vibrator. It's not an attack on your technique."
"I will try to make peace with that." And he looked convinced. Was that the way to get the point across? To bring up the joys of blowing his dick?
"But about my technique… Was that really amazing? Or was it amazing, because you got to watch me in this position?"
"It was really amazing. I could come way sooner, but I wanted us both to orgasm." After a moment of thought, he added: "Don't underestimate how incredible it is to watch you grind it, it's not just watching you, watching you is a lot."
She sighed in playful disagreement.
"I still want to do it well, if I'm going to do it." And okay, she probably should let the subject die, but… "I don't want you to contemplate if spending your monogamy on me is the right choice."
He smiled, defeated.
"That's not… Have you thought about addressing the root cause of your issues?"
"Learning to ride your cock is easier."