Chapter 1

"Burgers or pizza," Grace asked, holding her breath for his predictable answer which came even as she rolled her eyes.

"I don't mind, you choose."

Yup, there it was and she half smiled to herself at how easy he was to read. Grace had met Namjoon four years ago when they were at University and they clicked straight away. She appreciated that there was someone who could speak English and he had enjoyed practising so they had started hanging out then, welcoming each other into their respective groups of friends. They'd never been more and never wanted to be, Namjoon had been in a long term relationship and Grace didn't want to be in any kind of relationship, she was here to study. But here they were, six years later, ordering food together before the movie marathon they'd been trying to plan for weeks. Adulting kept getting in the way every time they tried.

"You always say that," she complained, reaching for her phone to choose what she wanted, knowing he'd just go along with anything she picked. Namjoon was incredibly sweet, always accommodating and Grace would never understand why his girlfriend of three years ended it with him a few years back, breaking his heart. He was almost the perfect guy. Almost because, well, he just wasn't her type. Too nice, unfortunately she liked the bad boys and even though that hadn't been a win for her so far, that's who Grace was attracted to. She couldn't seem to stop herself from falling for the tattoos and longer hair that were all part of that package. Like Jungkook, she thought, her work mate and definitely someone who was off limits.

"I really don't mind Grace," he said, flicking through the channels on the TV, at home in her apartment. It was meant to be five of them tonight but Sara had cancelled for a work commitment and Jin had a tummy bug which meant his girlfriend Elsbeth probably did too so she'd stayed away as well. It didn't matter that it was just the two of them though, since Namjoon had become single, they'd spent lots of time just the two of them and it was always relaxed and easy. They had lots of things in common, especially their love of movies. Tonight it was the Hunger Games Trilogy having decided most of the other series they wanted to binge watch were too long.

"I know but thought I'd ask anyway. We'll get burgers, what do you want?"

"You know the one I like, with the extra meat?"

"Mmmmm," she hummed in answer. "The one we ate where you couldn't stop making that noise? Like you were in the middle of something a whole lot more fun than eating a burger?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "It tasted really good."

"Definitely sounded like it. Was a shame most of it fell out and onto the table."

"Why do they make them so badly," he huffed in reply as she teased him. He was a little bit clumsy and that carried on into how messily he ate his food. One of the cute qualities that made his friends love him all the more although his clothes didn't usually last a meal without a stain getting on them somewhere.

"It's OK, this time we'll just ask for a bib," and she scrunched her nose at him as he reached over to pinch her side, laughing as she pulled away before he made contact. "One mega meat burger and one much more dainty regular burger coming up."

"As long as you get enough so you don't want bites of mine," he grumbled a little, knowing she'd probably ask for a bite anyway. That was just what Grace was like.

"Shall we start the first movie," she asked, curling her legs up under herself while they waited for the food. "Otherwise you'll end up falling asleep here at 2am."

"I'll probably fall asleep before that, this week has been long." Namjoon rubbed his hands over his face before stretching his whole body out, Grace noticing how tired he looked.

"Still not enjoying your job," she asked, turning her head to properly look at how drained he looked. She doubted very much whether he'd make it through the second movie without falling asleep, let alone the third. It didn't matter though, they often fell asleep on each others couches. Not exactly party animal behaviour but they didn't really go clubbing anymore either, work taking up almost all their time. And they'd both kind of outgrown that. Too many bills to pay, drinking got expensive.

"Nah, thinking I need a change," he answered, frowning. "Kind of wish I'd listened to my friends who went with their passions. They have no money to pay their rent but they enjoy their lives." His laugh was low, just a huff really as he contemplated his life choices.

"Ooo, we're getting heavy on a Friday night," she teased. But only gently as she could see his face and his eyes looked a little sad. "What would you do if you didn't need to make money to pay the bills then?"

"Well, I don't know exactly," he said, rubbing one hand on the back of his neck.

"Yes you do. Go on, I won't laugh," she said, reaching for her drink.

"Yes you will but I'll tell you anyway. Music."

"I've heard you sing Joon, I'm not sure that's a good idea," she cackled and he rolled his eyes again.

"Oh ha ha, yes, we know that I can't sing." Many a karaoke session had determined that for everyone. "But I enjoy rapping and write some songs too."

Grace's face was incredulous. "You do? How come you've never told me that? Do some for me now!"

"And that's why I've never told you. It's just for me at the moment and I don't know if I'm any good but I love it and maybe I could work on it and get better." He had been avoiding her eyes when he spoke, obviously a little embarrassed to be sharing this fact with her even though they'd been friends for so long.

"I don't honestly know how you've kept that from me. I mean, I've heard you rap a little when we've done karaoke but I kind of just figured your tongue loosened up a little because we'd been drinking. I think you should write some more songs for sure and one day, I want to hear them."

He smiled a little at her encouragement. "Yeah, maybe."

"Definitely Joon. Maybe one day I'll see you on stage. You know I'll be cheering as your biggest fan."

His smile grew bigger and there was a fondness behind it. Their extended group of friends was close but when some were coupled up, the single ones usually hung out more and recently, that had meant Namjoon and Grace were often together. They'd been there through new relationships, break ups, change of jobs, new apartments and were much closer than they were when they first met. Namjoon knew she meant it when she said she'd be cheering him on.

"That sounds like a dream."

"We gotta have those though," Grace replied, hopping off her couch as her phone beeped to let her know the food arrived.

Setting it out on her little coffee table, they sat on cushions on the floor, movie playing in the background. They were talking a little as they ate, both having seen the movie multiple times but keeping an eye on it as they did.

"Are you going to the gym with me after work on Monday." He had been trying to get her to go with him again since the last session where he almost killed her. She'd found out he was quite the task master when it came to exercising.

"Oh, I can't actually sorry, I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I had to book the last appointment of the day so I could go straight from work."

"What for," he asked, taking another bite of his burger then quickly swallowing, coughing as it went down the wrong way. "Oh, don't worry, you don't need to explain, it could be private, sorry, I didn't think." He dabbed at his knee where sauce had fallen from his burger onto his jeans.

Grace laughed, not at all surprised he'd already marked his clothes. "It's not a big deal, I found a lump on my breast, Googled it and it's probably fine but I might as well get it checked. I need to get a bunch of other medication anyway so I might as well kill two birds with one stone."

"A lump," Namjoon frowned, wiping his hands and pushing the plate away.

"Yeah, it's probably my imagination but you know, it can happen to anyone right so I might as well give myself peace of mind."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, it'll be fine," he answered, still frowning as he took a drink for the glass in front of them.

"Did you want a beer instead of water," Grace asked, getting up to get herself another drink from the kitchen.

"Yeah although you know that means I'll definitely fall asleep on your couch, they always make me sleepy."

"I know, it's no big deal if you stay," she said, grabbing them both a drink and sinking back next to him.

"Yeah, I know," he said as they turned their attention back to the movie but as he watched, Namjoon's focus wasn't fully on the movie. Instead he leaned a little closer to Grace and was lost in his thoughts.

Namjoon – Diary entry

One of my New Years resolutions was to write down my thoughts more as I know it always helps me process and today I feel like I have lots to process. Nothing too deep though. I'm thinking about movies that I've watched so many times that I know a lot of the lines off by heart. And I thought about burgers and good friends, about Grace. I'm thinking about her lots today and I'm not even sure why but you can think about your friends lots, right? It doesn't mean anything, it's never meant anything. But today I'm thinking a lot and I feel unsettled.