Yep. I'm back. Old habits sure die hard, don't they?

I came up with this idea not long ago; it's inspired by that Netflix show "Servant of the People" featuring Volodymyr Zelenskyy. I've only seen two episodes of it, but everyone knows the basic premise. Of course, since I haven't seen more than two episodes, I came up with my own plotline. I hope you guys enjoy it, and find it as amusing as I do.

There's not much else to say. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Happy reading!


It was a rainy night in Kanto, and the clocks were striking thirteen…oh, wait, what story is that again?

It's not as though it matters, of course. On the planet Nexus, hardly anyone could fathom a form of politics so post-truth as that in Orwell's imagination taking hold. This applied most of all to a certain black-haired man.

Saffron City was the most populous metro area on the continent of Kanto. Despite having an efficient and effective public transit system, the city itself sprawled so far toward the horizon that one could barely imagine what lay beyond.

Lights in a veritable rainbow of colors lit up the skyline, so many lights that the stars above were completely snuffed out. Constellations were a necessary casualty of the city's determination to expand at all costs; one might not like to lose them, but if the world was to continue on its path towards true modernity, there was no alternative.

Not every part of the city was gleaming, however. Like any major city, Saffron had its seedier pockets. There were places where children weren't advised to venture at night, or at any time of day for that matter. And one of them was the Red Light District.

In the midst of this Red Light District, a man in his mid-twenties sat on a barstool, swiveling around with his feet. The stool shook from side to side, but it still supported the man's weight nonetheless as he took another sip from his tankard.

Although he was in the part of the city known for…ahem, pleasure courts, the man refused to give in to temptation. He might not have been consistent about clamping down on his alcohol vise, but he was determined that no matter what, he would remain faithful to the one he'd made vows to.

Still, it was incredibly tempting as he stared at the red lights just outside the bar's windows. How easy it would be to steal a glance - just a glance, mind you - and then he'd be entranced at the sight of a woman who spent all her time trying to look beautiful, not just some of it.

Ash shook his head. Bad brain. He couldn't let himself go there, at any cost.

Of course, it hadn't always been this way. Once upon a time, Ash Ketchum had been, well, that Ash Ketchum. Not only was he a boy genius, he was practically a folk hero in some circles. He'd been seen as that kid who'd saved the world by living his dream, the dream of most children in Kanto: To go on an adventure and meet plenty of friends along the way.

One of his friends, in fact, was that girl waiting for him at his apartment. He'd crawl into bed with her soon enough. No doubt Serena was fast asleep right now, but when Ash climbed the several flights of stairs to their apartment, flung open their door, and knelt down on the side of their bed, that would change.

She'd stir herself awake, turn on the light, and then turn towards me. She'd reach out and embrace me, and we'd cuddle together while talking about our days. We'd indulge neck-deep into the simple pleasures of life, not worrying about fame, or the cameras, or anything of that sort.

But it only took a few seconds for Ash to open his eyes again and realize he'd been dreaming. Whether he had actually been asleep, his consciousness suspended and his mind dreaming up fantastical scenarios, or if he'd simply zoned out as he extended his tankard and asked for more beer…that was anyone's guess.

There was no denying that this was a very different Ash Ketchum from the man who'd descended the golden escalator and spoken to all manner of reporters with a smile that could have melted the thickest glacier on Mount Coronet. No longer was the sky the limit, no longer did Ash approach each day with greater confidence than he'd possessed the previous day.

Instead, he'd fallen off the wagon, collapsed back into the stool, and was now listening as the bartender lumbered back over and extended his arm.

"Keep 'em coming, dude," Ash all but slurred as his eyelids fluttered. "And keep them cold, too. Warm beer would probably make me sleepy, and it's best to be alert out here."

"Got it, boss," the bartender replied, sounding almost as inebriated as his patron felt.

Ash sighed as he heard the beer splash into his tankard. "Man…" he began, having no idea what to say or even think. The situation was so comical, and yet so pathetic, that he didn't know how to articulate what he believed.

One of the men beside Ash, a guy with pale purple hair whom the black-haired man couldn't recognize, leaned his neck back and tipped a glass of water down his throat. Ash didn't acknowledge him.

"Hello?" the guy with purple hair mumbled. "You there, dude?"

On some level, Ash knew: He's talking about me. There was some location in Ash's brain where the synapses were connecting sufficiently so that he could process this. But in this state of moderate intoxication, everything else just sounded so distant.

"Earth to the patron beside me," the purple-haired man continued. "The guy with the black hair. What's your name again?"

I shouldn't give him my name. If I do, something unfavorable is going to happen. I just know it.

Again, on some level, Ash knew this to be true. If he told this person who he really was, he would live to regret it sooner rather than later.

What harm could it really do? Isn't Saffron City massive? There's no way anything could be traced back to me, no possible way.

Still, the black-haired man retained enough common sense to sigh yet again. "I'd rather not say" Ash told his fellow patron. "It's not that I don't trust you, but I just met you."

"I understand," the purple-haired man responded. "Well, I suppose I could drive you home if you'd like."

"I took the train," Ash mumbled, which was true. He didn't own a car; in fact, he'd never bothered to acquire a driver's license, simply because you didn't need a vehicle here. (Indeed, life would probably suck if you drove everywhere.)

"That doesn't mean I can't drive you home," the man told Ash. "I don't want you to do something you'll end up regretting. It happens to all of us when we've had one too many. Don't think you're immune just because of who you are."

Ash did not reply.

"I said, you're not special. I mean, sure, you're special in some ways, but you're still subject to certain laws of biology. If you drink too much, you will get drunk. Deal with it. Did you bring Pikachu with you?"

Had Ash been sober, this would have been a red flag, a warning sign that Purple Hair knew more than he was letting on. But in his cocoon of alcohol, Ash did not heed this warning.

"No," Ash said softly. "He's back there with Serena."

Purple Hair gave off a slight chuckle before standing up from his stool. "You'd better go back and see your girl," he told Ash. "It's one in the morning - she's bound to be worried sick."

That makes perfect sense, actually, Ash thought. Serena will want to see me. She doesn't like when I get too tipsy. And she won't trust me if I'm out too late - even though, if it's 1 AM, that ship has probably sailed.

After Ash had settled his tab with the bartender, he staggered out the door. But he did not go home right away.

Instead, Ash took out his phone and punched in the passcode, then swiping so that he could tap on the icon for the phone's camera.

Was it a dumb idea? Yes, but like so many other idiotic actions one could take while in a drunken stupor, this one made near-perfect sense. He needed to let the truth out, and if he did so, he might feel just as accomplished as he had all those years ago.

Okay…that's the "photo" button. The red button is to record. I'll press that.

"Hello, everyone," Ash began. His voice echoed in between the walls of the Red Light District; even in this part of the city, every business but the bar was deserted on a Sunday night. (This was rather odd, wasn't it, considering that the people of Saffron City weren't very religious).

"You all might not recognize me," he continued, "but that's about to change. By the time you've listened to this message, you'll know exactly who I am."

Why am I making this video? Why am I putting myself out there like this?

It's just a video. I don't have to post it to PokéTube, and I'm the only person with access to it anyway. If I don't post it, it won't see the light of day, and I'll remain as anonymous as I can be.

"Well," Ash said in an uneven, slurring tone, "there are days when I wish I were President of Kanto. In that office, I could do so much good for those Pokémon who are horribly mistreated by their owners. Not just their owners, mind you, but the entire establishment!

"And yes, the establishment is corrupt and depraved and morally bankrupt! When the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, when Pokémon in the acting business don't get paid enough, don't get time off, don't get treated with dignity, that's wrong! Not only is it wrong, it's an atrocity. It needs to end, and it needs to end now. You're bringing Arceus' judgment upon the whole of Kanto!"

By this time Ash could barely breathe due to how forcefully he'd been huffing and puffing with each word. His right fist was required to clutch his phone tightly, but his free left fist was raised high in the air, a symbol of defiance against the system.

"Now, it might not be easy. In fact, none of this might be believable at all. You might be wondering, how could this twenty-something drunkard know how to save Kanto from the enemy within? How could he hold the key to all our problems, when so many fancy politicians with fancy degrees in political science have been bickering over them for as long as we can remember?

"Well, I've solved problems in the real world. I've saved the world before, and I can do it again. The people of Kanto, the citizens of Nexus at times, have placed their trust in me before, and I did not abuse it. And you can do so once more, and I'll see to it that this trust was not misplaced.

"Because I'm Ash Ketchum."