Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

Bella

I was relieved that it was Monday again, and that the weekend was over - it was too eventful for me. It started with a near-death incident with Edward, dinner at aunt Debbie's on Saturday and finally lunch at the Reservation on Sunday. I think it was the first time that I was wished happy birthday by so many people.

On Friday, when I finally woke up from a short nap, I was embarrassed to learn that I was on Carlisle and Esme's bed. It was the first time that I was in their room, and I felt bad for occupying and messing up their bedding that was obviously of high quality and expensive, with my tears, scent and blood from small scratches on my arm. I also remembered what caused me to be on their bed, and I started to apologize.

"I'm really s-"

But I was stopped by Carlisle, " Bella, it's not your fault." When I tried to protest, he shook his head and repeated it again, this time slowly. "It's not your fault."

Carlisle was just being so forgiving. "But if I was more careful…" I tried to tell him how it was so silly of me to get a paper cut. But he was very insistent.

He made me look at his eyes. "No. There's nothing you could have done differently." I wanted to believe him so badly, but I could not.

"I'm sure you've seen your classmates get one every now and then. It's easy to get a paper cut as humans, isn't it?" I nodded. I got it very easily, but my classmates would also get them from time to time.

"Has anybody got a paper cut at school, when one of them was at school?" Another nod.

"How were they? How did they look?" Carlisle asked me quietly, and waited patiently for me to reply.

I tried to remember the time when Angela got a papercut next to me in the Spanish class. Emmett was also in the class, seated right behind me. I immediately turned back to check his eyes, and they were golden. He smiled broadly and even made a show of licking his lip. "They looked… normal… like they didn't even notice that somebody had a papercut."

"Exactly. The blood from a papercut is so little and insignificant. We would smell it, of course, but it won't make us loose our control." He paused and I repeated what he said in my head. It won't make us loose our control. But then, I did not understand why he was affected so greatly.

I must have voiced my question out loud, as he started to answer. "I'm not entirely certain, as there haven't been books about the vegetarian vampires - " he chuckled, and the corners of my mouth turned up as well. As far as I could humanly remember, they were the only 'vegetarian' apart from their cousins in Alaska. "so at this point, my only guess is that he did not hunt enough yesterday and a small amount of blood from the cut caught him off guard. He should have made sure that he was well fed to be around you, and he knows that, too. It's not your fault, dear."

Maybe he had not been able to hunt well yesterday. It is not like there is a shop that offers blood that they need - they need to actually get it themselves, and I was sure the availability was not always the same. It could be that he simply could not find enough to feed. It was just a bad luck on us that I happened to cut myself exactly when he was not fully satisfied.

Tears filled my eyes again, in relief that they were not blaming me for what happened. Esme came to hug me fiercely and she kept saying that it was not my fault. And I was so exhausted from everything that I allowed myself to believe what they were telling me. I promised myself that I would think about this later.

After I calmed down and finished a glass of water that Carlisle got me, I was told that I could stay the night with the family, or I could go home. I was already embarrassed for sleeping on their be; I did not want to inconvenience them further.

The arrangement was quickly made; Jasper would drive me home in my truck. I tried to argue that I could drive myself, but Carlisle was not having it. He was worried that I could still be groggy from the nap, and he said that he could call Charlie and have him pick me up, to which I said no. I did not want to worry Charlie. He was on his night shift and I wanted him to be focused on his job; you would be surprised at how many things happened at night in such a small town of Forks.

But before we left the house, Alice insisted I change my top - I would not be able to wear it again, as Carlisle had to cut the sleeve. She told me she 'magically' found a shirt that was in my size in her closet and would highlight the necklace that I had been gifted by Carlisle and Esme. I doubted she found it "magically" but I decided not to question as the long-sleeve shirt in question was plain navy and simple. She also complained that Carlisle did not allow her to change her clothes when I was unconscious, without my consent, especially when it was not "life-threatening" that I was wearing the damaged clothing. I was grateful for that - I had various bruises in different state of healing, and I did not want them to find out.

But my relief that no one saw my bruises was short lived. Carlisle asked me at the main door as Jasper and I were about to leave; he wanted to know how I got the bruises on the arm. I froze and I tried to come up with a plausible excuse, but I was too tired from all the crying and my head was hurting. When I was taking too long to reply, he assured me that they looked to be healing alright, and remind me that I could come to him at anytime.

The drive to my home was quiet and even peaceful. Jasper decided to drive in human speed, though there were hardly any cars on the road. I kept my eyes on the window, as I did not know what to say. I knew I had to thank him for protecting me earlier, but I suddenly felt embarrassed. He must have heard all the crying that I did at their place today.

When we reached my home, I was surprised when he carried all the gifts that was on the back into the house very easily. I had completely forgot about the gifts and immediately felt bad. I should have thanked the family again for the party and the gifts at the door… the feeling of guilt was slowly taken away, and I looked up to see Jasper staring at me in concern. But before he could say anything, I smiled at him and decided to thank him. For the gift, for protecting me, and for driving me home.

He smiled back at me, reluctantly, but he did not push me to talk further. Instead, he approached me slowly and enveloped me in a gentle hug. "My pleasure, Darlin'."

He left the house soon after, insisting that I call the house for anything.

And I somehow felt sad that he was leaving even though I was happy to finally be alone. Unfortunately, I had no energy left to think about anything. I laid down on the bed and hoped that I would be able to sleep without any nightmares.

Sadly, that wish was not fulfilled. I even dreamed of Edward standing right next to James at the ballet studio. James was laughing at me from the side and repeated "it's your own fault, little Bella." Edward also joined the chant, and their musical voices created an eerie harmony that gave me a chill through my spine.

I woke up to the sound of Charlie coming home, and I was glad it woke me up. It was not a good dream. I tried to take some deep breaths to calm myself and to rid myself of those unpleasant chant. But no matter what I did while Charlie slept - clean the house, cook food for the week, laundry, homework - it was never fully gone; just merely repressed. Just like the tightness on my chest. No amount of deep breaths were enough to loosen the heaviness.

Dinner at aunt Debbie was much more peaceful than the previous day. Both Charlie and aunt Debbie were momentarily shocked when they saw the plaster on my arm, but they were not surprised; it was me, afterall. They did not ask many questions and were convinced of the explanation that I gave: I tripped, fell, the kitchen island cart made of glass fell with me and the glasses cut my arm. It was so much like clumsy Bella.

As she had told me on Friday at school, I received a small box from aunt Debbie. When I opened it, I lost my words - in the middle, nestled securely between the velvet, was a ring - my grandma Mary's, to be precise. On every photo that I had seen, she would have this silver ring on her index finger. As a child, I had been mesmerized by its beauty, when I saw it on the photos that Charlie had around the house. But now looking at the real silver piece, I had to say that no photos could do justice.

The oval opaque gemstone in the middle was the most captivating. It was shining like a pearl, but had shimmers of different colors - blue, red, yellow, green… It reminded me of something that I have seen on the TV a long time ago… there was a lot of snow and fjord… the northern lights in the sky.

Once I could finally take my eyes off from the stone, I noticed three small diamonds rested in between the delicate scroll work on both sides, complimenting the gemstone. I tried to argue with aunt Debbie that it was too much and that she couldn't possibly be giving me such a valuable piece. But in very aunt Debbie way, she dismissed me and told me that my grandma Mary wanted me to have it; she insisted aunt Debbie keep it until I was of age to wear it.

Charlie looked a little hurt when it was clear that grandma Mary had not trusted the ring with him - apparently, she had been afraid that Charlie would forget about it or loose it completely, to which I had to agree. But he recovered immediately and insisted me to just put on the ring. When I finally did, reluctantly, I was surprised that it fit me perfectly, as if it was made for me from the beginning. Charlie got quiet even teary - he whispered to me that it really suited me. Aunt Debbie continued when Charlie could not say anything else - "You look just like Mary."

Sunday was a bit more noisy compared to the day before. It seemed like the whole Reservation decided to join the gathering that I had thought was only with Charlie, Billy and Jake. I was shocked to see that Jake had grown exponentially since I had last seen him shortly before the incident at Phoenix. He was much taller, muscular and looked mature; he was no longer a boy but a young man. But he was still the Jake that I had known; he smiled at me and was the only one beside Emily and Seth to give me a hug upon seeing me.

The others were a little distant. They were still polite, but I felt animosity, like they did not want me around. Leah did not even try to hide it - she was shooting daggers at me. It reminded me of how Rosalie was, at least until very recently. But I was okay, as Jake, Seth and Emily tried to distract me from Leah.

I felt immense relief when Charlie finally decided to head home. It was sweet that he wanted me to have a birthday celebrated by many people, but I desperately needed a time and space for myself. I was exhausted after having to socialize with people that I was not that close to. I excused myself to my room as soon as we arrived at home, and I just flopped down on the bed. I even managed to sleep a bit and felt a little better when Charlie called me for dinner - he ordered pizza, as he knew I was not in the mood to cook.

I have not seen or heard from Edward ever since Friday. I kept my window unlocked, though, for the fear of him getting upset for not doing so. But he did not come by at all, and I had to admit that a part of me was glad; I still did not know what to think of what had happened. I still felt confused. I thought Edward and I were mates - I mean, that was what he said. But I saw his eyes - his single and only purpose that moment was to eat me. It was my fault that made him want to eat me, but the others seemed unaffected by the blood from the small cut. They were in complete control and even protected me from him. Why was he affected that greatly? Did he hate me so much that he wanted to finish me off? What did I do to him to hate me so much?

I tried to not think about it as I hurried to get ready for school. I decided to wear the new pair of trainers. Even though I was wearing just a simple old long-sleeves-shirt and a pair of jeans, the shoes definitely made a difference. I hoped Alice would approve that I threw away the old pair. I saw the new necklace still inside the box on my desk where I had left on Friday. On a whim, I decided to wear it even though it would be hidden beneath the hoodie that I would be wearing on the top. I missed their

I decided to wear the necklace that Esme and Carlisle gave me.

Although it was cloudy as usual, the Cullens including Edward was not present at school. I heard the rumors that they were all suffering from a bad cold and that they were probably going to miss school for the week. I found it odd that they had not let me know as they would usually.

I realized that I missed seeing them at school, especially Alice, Emmett and Jasper. Even though we would not be able to talk - Edward would be so mad - I still liked the occasional smiles that we would exchange whenever we thought he would not notice.

I spent the day just as I would on the sunny day - focused on the classes, visited aunt Debbie at the library and flipped through some books for thee history project. And soon enough, the last class of the day was over and I was back at home.

"Hello, Bella."

I jumped in surprise when I heard Edward's voice in the dark. I turned on the lights to see that he was standing with arms crossed by the door to the kitchen.

I cleared my throat and whispered. "You're back." I checked his eyes - they were golden; I wondered if he would be nice and loving today. But I soon realized that it was a false hope and I stayed froze by the entrance. I could not tell the emotion behind his hard gaze and it frightened me.

"We need to talk. Take a walk with me." He did not even wait for me to agree to his request; he just turned back and headed inside the kitchen, probably to the back door. I dropped my backpack and hurried behind him. He did not look quite upset but definitely not happy, and I did not want to give any more reason for his foul mood.

I completely lost the sense of orientation or time, as I was so concentrated on following him through the woods behind my house and not falling down - I did not want to have the incident on Friday repeated. Eventually, he came to a stop and turned around to face me. There was still a great distance between us, but I could see that he chose to stand on the top of a large rock. When I got closer, I saw that the rock was not just the largest, but also the highest. There were smaller rocks around, but there was no way a human would be able to reach there without some equipment, and Edward did not look like he was going to help me as well. I could only stay on the lowest rock that I could reach by myself and look up at him.

Maybe it was just a few seconds, but neither of us spoke for a while. It was completely silent except for my loud panting, as if all the living creatures - even the insects and bugs - decided to somehow listen to our talk. I wondered if he was going to start. Or was he waiting for me to start?

"I'm sorry. For Friday." I could not bear the silence anymore. He was not happy, and the only reason I could think of was what happened on my birthday. Despite Carlisle and Esme's firm assurance, deep down, I knew it was my fault. I regretted not having apologized earlier when I came home, and I could have avoided this 'talk' or the punishment that Edward obviously thought of. I felt dreadful for the pain that was surely going to come my way, and I felt the familiar tightness on my chest.

He did not say anything for a long time, and I tried to apologize again. "I'm… so-" But he interrupted me before I could finish.

"You're sorry! Really, Bella, is that all you can say? Having a papercut in a room full of vampires!? When will you learn to be careful around the vampires!" The tears that I was trying so hard to hold back started to fall. I got the confirmation from him: It was my fault. "Gosh, you really are a silly human."

I suck in a sharp breath. I always felt like I was inferior compared to him, but he had never said so. It was the first time that Edward was so blunt with me. It was the second confirmation today: I was silly, stupid and inferior.

The tears were falling harder now and I tried to wipe them with my sleeves. But they were not stopping, and I felt even more scared - would he get angry for crying now?

"Do you know how Alice, Esme and Emmett were disappointed? They prepared a lot just for you, for your little birthday." I shock my head in denial, between the sobs that I could no longer hold. Alice and Esme were so nice and caring afterwards - but maybe, they were just being polite and did not show how saddened they actually were…

Suddenly, he was beside me, and I flinched away thinking he was going to hit me. Instead, he whispered through gritted teeth, and I wished that he had broken my bone - or anything - instead. His words were daggers to my heart.

"You're uncaring, ungrateful, stupid little human. We deserved better, after all we've done to you to make you feel welcome in our home. We never want to see you, or think about you again. We'll start afresh in a different city. It'll be as if you've never existed."

And then, he was gone.

My knees gave out and I collapsed on the ground. It was the third confirmation: I was unworthy. I was not good enough for them. The chant from the nightmare that I tried to dismiss so hard was now loud in my head. Now it was even longer. I sobbed in despair.

It's your own fault, little Bella.

You're a really silly human.

You're uncaring, ungrateful, stupid little human.

***Chapter End***

Apologies for taking so long to update. I really appreciate your patience.

Thank you for reading! :)