CC did ring the lawyer the following Monday and set the divorce process in motion. The documents were delivered to her office and she was supposed to read them and pass them on to Niles, and arrange to meet for signatures. Somehow, she never got around to doing that.
Her next work trip to LA was scheduled about a month after she had seen Niles. Maxwell rang a few days prior, to finalise the arrangements.
"…And, Maxwell, there is something else. I want to meet at your home office like we used to do on Monday mornings when I lived there."
Maxwell, on the other end of the line, almost choked on his coffee.
"Are you sure CC?"
"Yes, I am sure. I know what you are thinking. Please don't think anything."
"I will not interfere, CC. Just take care, okay? Both for yours and his sake."
CC sighed. "I'll try, Maxwell. See you on Monday."
Maxwell put down the phone and called Fran to his office to discuss this latest development. They both knew that Niles had been to New York again, and he had come back looking even more defeated than previous times, if possible. He wouldn't offer any explanation this time. He just spent most of his days watching TV or playing with the twins.
On Monday in the early afternoon, CC took a cab from her hotel to the Sheffields'. Fran was curious to see her, she had heard from Maxwell about the legendary change of hairstyle and fashion style, but she had not seen her since she had left LA. It was therefore Fran who opened the door when CC arrived.
"Miss Babcock, it's been so long! You look gorgeous!" Fran wasn't lying. She found the black hair hypnotic on the former blonde, and her clothes were classy and sexy, showing a great amount of cleavage though she was wearing a business suit with trousers.
Fran showed CC to the office and winked at Max.
A couple of hours were spent going through work and preparing for a meeting with the network to take place later that afternoon. Before taking a break, Max announced:
"CC, there is something else I want to discuss. We have decided to move back to New York, all of us. This means that, after this sit com, we will no longer do TV and focus only on Broadway again. This has to be okay with you too, the abandoning of the TV project. What do you think?"
CC was taken by surprise, and her first reaction was panic. There would be so much less work if that happened! How could she keep busy? But she was aware that it didn't make sense to pursue the LA side of business much longer, and she had said so to Maxwell several times before. However, that would also mean that Niles would be moving back too…?
The work matter settled, CC knew what she wanted to do. She stood up a bit too fast and felt dizzy – she had had an early start, skipped breakfast, and to be fair also the previous night's dinner, she was so busy and nervous. She steeled herself and left the room before Maxwell realised.
She needed to find Niles, she needed to talk to him. She was almost sure he didn't know she was there.
Finding him was easier than she thought, as she wandered into the large living room and he was coming in from the front door – he had persuaded himself to take a stroll to a nearby shop for some groceries. He jumped from surprise, dropping his bag of groceries. He took a step back, as if he had seen a ghost.
"Hi." CC said shyly. What the hell am I doing? Am I really doing it? "I believe you still owe me a birthday dinner." She smiled encouragingly, almost flirtatious, but Niles could see how nervous she was. What is she doing?
"That was a month ago," was all he could say.
"It was." She agreed. "But I wasn't in a rush. I always collect my debts, though." She joked, though Niles could recognise her fake smile from outer space, if he had to. But he didn't have time to care, he needed time to ponder his next steps.
CC was shifting nervously on her feet and decided to take a step forward herself, still making an effort to keep smiling. As she stepped forward, she suddenly felt dizzy again, but she kept her head up and tried to ignore the annoying feeling. She grasped for something more to say but her mind felt foggy, and she felt suddenly tired, weak. She looked at Niles, or rather at a blurred image of where she knew he was standing, as her body betrayed her and she collapsed to the floor, slowly, so slowly that she managed to try and grab the back of the sofa next to her, before she eventually had to let go.
Niles was woken up from his stupor and confusion, and he jumped over his discarded grocery bags to reach CC. He gently picked her up and moved her to the sofa.
CC was unconscious just for a few seconds, so she felt herself being lifted up from the floor. Instinctively, she threw her arms around Niles's neck. She wasn't lucid enough to fight the instinct, and neither to see the small smile that appeared on Niles' lips for just a few seconds.
They sat entwined on the sofa for a minute or two. When CC opened her eyes, Niles knew that he had to do a little investigation before worrying if it was something serious that could have caused her fainting spell: during the months they lived together as married, he had realised how often she would simply neglect to eat when she was overworked. He had enjoyed making sure that she took her meals, cooking something nutritious for her as a small act of love.
"CC, did you have any breakfast this morning?"
"Had coffee before flight." She replied in a whisper.
"Sure, darling, but at what time was that flight? 6am or so? It's almost 3pm now. Anyway, surely you had a nice filling dinner last night?" He probed.
"Oh damn, Niles, I don't remember… who cares anyway!" She snapped, suddenly realising that her arms were still around his neck, and removing them promptly.
"I care. I would continue caring if you allowed me to." He said gently, a hint of melancholy in his voice.
CC shrugged. "I remember a cookie and coffee around lunch time yesterday. Then I don't know, I was busy, and nervous… Nervous about today's meetings, I mean." She lied. She knew he would probably not believe the last part, but it was just as far as she could muster, as the world around her was still a bit unclear.
"I'll go make you something to eat, okay? You just rest here, do you want anything else? A glass of water?"
"Water would be nice…"
"CC, are you ready?" Maxwell interrupted. "We are meeting some of the network's heads in an hour and I don't want to be late… Oh." He stopped in his tracks seeing Niles still entwined to CC on the sofa.
"Sir, Miss Babcock… I mean, CC" – the sudden interruption had made him almost forget it was his wife he was talking about, and revert to her business name - "was not feeling well and I was going to get her something to eat. Maybe I'll just make a sandwich you can eat in the car?"
CC nodded gratefully and moved slowly to retrieve her bag before heading to the car. After her snack, she admitted she felt a little better and readier to tackle the meeting. She could not stop thinking of those brief moments, cuddled to Niles. But once the meeting kicked off and her mind became occupied, that cosy memory fell in the background, like a piece of paper flying gently to the floor and forgotten under a desk.
The meeting finished pretty late, and CC returned to her hotel to get ready for the following workday. She was trying very much not to think of Niles anymore, kicking herself for embarrassing herself coming all the way down to his home to demand that he takes her out. She should have taken his offer that night in New York, she realised. Now the moment was gone, and if there was ever a chance to… To what? She sighed. She didn't want to reason how much she craved spending time with him again, let alone allowing the fantasy to go further. The moment thoughts were allowed to go further, the awareness of those two years of irreparable pain came back to her, like a punch in her guts that left her breathless.
The next day, CC had an early start (but made sure to have a couple of slices of toast at the hotel) and joined Maxwell for a long work session – there was a lot to settle for the closure of the LA venture and the return to New York. The day ended with a lengthy meeting.
It was 8pm when Maxwell and CC left the office building, still discussing animatedly about some of the latest developments. It wasn't until they were next to Maxwell's car that they saw Niles, leaning on one of the other cars belonging to the Sheffield's household, parked just next to Maxwell's. He was holding a red rose in his hands.
As Max and CC stopped, surprised, Niles came forward, offering the rose to CC.
He gave a very quick glance to Maxwell, before turning to stare confidently into CC's blue eyes.
"CC, would you like to join me for dinner this evening?"
She hesitated only a few seconds: "Oh, Niles, you don't need to resort to this to make sure I eat," she joked in reference to the previous day's incident. "But if it makes you feel useful, then I will follow you to whichever dining establishment you selected as appropriate for this evening."
Dinner felt almost like a first date. It was like spending the first quality time with a vague acquaintance – not a total stranger, but not someone close. They both felt very similar on that front, but of course neither would know about the other.
After dinner, Niles drove CC to her hotel. The short trip was spent mostly in silence. As Niles parked up, CC hesitated.
"Would you like to… stay? A little while?" She offered, still sat in the car, looking outside straight in front of her.
"I… okay." Niles was surprised at the request but decided to go with the flow.
CC slowed down as she walked past the hotel bar, but then decided to carry on to her room. Even more surprised, Niles followed her into the room. Neither said a word.
The silence then became awkward, heavy. They both had so many thoughts, so many arguments, in their minds, but none that had not been hastily, sharply thrown at each other during their brief encounters of those two years.
CC made to speak, but then turned to the window. Niles took a few steps to stand behind her, still at some distance. She could see his reflection in the window glass, on the background of the darkness outside and the reflection of the lights in the room.
Slowly, she turned to him and stepped closer, in slow motion, like in a dream. She kissed him ever so gently, and he responded equally gently. They spent some time just getting used to the beautiful, slow sensations, almost like getting used to each other again, dangerously, trying not to step into a mine and making it all blow up, again.
After a long while, they parted. CC looked away, but then turned back to look at Niles again, locking her eyes into his with a bright, strong light in them.
She started to kiss him again and at the same time pushed him towards the bed. Once on the bed, the pace of their exploration picked up, firstly becoming more confident, and eventually turning into a fight of fast, almost violent, impossibly angry lovemaking. Hate, and guilt, and frustration, pain and blood and darkness, were all infused into their first physical encounter after such a long time.
As she lied back on the bed, trying to catch her breath, CC turned away from Niles, towards the edge on the other side of the bed. Trying to cope with the fact that she had just had angry sex with her ex-husband (okay, still legally married). With a cheater.
Niles lied on his back, aware of CC turning her back to him, as far as she possibly could be on the bed. He didn't know how to make sense of the angry sex, he just knew he had gone for it and taken an active part. But, just like the first time with Eleanor, he was now left wondering if it had been a good idea at all.
CC suddenly spoke. "I want you to forget her." She sounded like the blade of a knife would sound if it could speak.
Niles propped himself on an elbow, but was still looking at her back.
"CC… I have forgotten her. I forgot her so long ago. It was you I thought about constantly in this couple of years. I woke up every day with your image in my eyes, with your taste in my mouth, dreaming of your skin under my hands… I fell asleep wondering how your day had been, I spent my days biting my tongue every time I wanted to share something with you and realised I couldn't. Ask Fran how many times I gave her my phone to prevent myself from calling you, how many times I called her, even if I had seen her just minutes before, just to tell her what I wanted to say to you. And yet, there is something I must not forget: my guilt. I can't get away with it. I don't deserve to forget the pain I caused to myself and to you, I must live with it for the rest of my life. Many times, I felt like I would have preferred to double my pain and die under it, if it could have taken some pain away from you…"
He wiped the tears threatening to fall from his eyes as CC sat up and turned towards him, a puzzled expression on her face. She wanted to prevent herself, she really did, but instead she gave in and took him in a hug.
"Niles…" she just whispered, face buried in his shoulders, stroking his back gently as he stroked hers.
They spent a long time in each other's arms, savouring the closeness and at the same time wrapped in fear. Fear of feeling that paralysing pain again, and of one of them being the cause for it.
As they lied down to sleep, Niles whispered: "Stay."
"Stay where?" a sleepy CC replied. "You are already staying in my room for the night, it seems…"
"No… stay in LA. We're all moving back in three months anyway."
CC chuckled. "Come on, Niles… I have work to do in New York, you know."
Niles remained silent, wondering what argument would convince her.
After a few minutes, CC spoke again.
"Although… I could maybe… I'll go back tomorrow as planned, and come back in two weeks, with enough clothes for a couple of months. I will wrap up some business in New York and set up the rest to do remotely from here. What do you think?"
Niles just held her tighter and kissed her passionately. It brought him back to the carefree times of the early days of their relationship, and for a few moments at least, a huge weight was lifted off his chest. Similarly for CC, she would remember that moment as the very first time when she felt light and free again.
