"Casey c'mon! You have to go back!"
Ashleigh had gotten home a few minutes ago and was already on my case about how she was disappointed in me for not telling Cappie yet.
"Do you really think I want to tell him in the middle of a party", I whine. "Not to mention if I go back now, at like 11 o'clock he'll probably be wasted. I don't know about you, but I'd like to tell him the news when he's actually of sound mind".
"If he's drunk at least he'll probably tell you the truth", Ashleigh offers but I can see she's backing off. "Okay I get it Case. I just really wanted you to tell someone considering me and you aren't going to see each other a ton this summer…. I'm not gonna be right beside you to go through this with".
She looks almost like she's gonna cry.
"Aw Ash…", I pucker my lower lip. "To be fair, if we had another year and were going to stay here at ZBZ I'd probably only be able to stay another semester before they realize I'm getting fat. I'm not totally sure but I don't think that you're allowed to stay in this house if you're pregnant".
"That's definitely discrimination", Ashleigh says. "But I see your point. Plus me and you have to grow up and move on sometime. Doesn't mean I'm not always going to love it here. And love you".
We hug then and it dawns on me.
"Ash maybe I should tell Rusty soon? Like you said… then at least I'll have someone in person to help me out with this", I say. "Not to mention I'm pretty sure he can tell something is up".
"He was pretty sober when I left the party so you could probably catch him tonight to tell him the news", Ashleigh nods.
I contemplate it for a moment. I'm already in a tank top and Pajama shorts but for some reason I felt motivated tonight. Like I needed to take control of my life. I had felt cowardly earlier for not telling Cappie and I came home afterwards and just felt stupid. And I didn't want to feel like that.
I sit up then.
"Ash, I'm going back to the KT house for now the third time today", I sigh, and pull my dress back out of my closet, taking it into the washroom with me to change. "Wish me luck".
"Always!", I hear her yell to me.
—
I was hoping I could just avoid Cappie altogether. I didn't really feel like seeing whatever drunk shenanigans he was getting into tonight.
I had texted Rusty to make sure he was still here, but he hadn't texted me back. For all the smarts Rusty possesses he regularly forgets to charge his phone so that might be the case.
When I walked back up the front steps I could immediately hear how loud the party was, and judging by the noise and the people on the front lawn coming in and out of the house I'd say it was much busier than when I was here before.
I just wanted to get Rusty and get out. I was hoping we could even leave and have the conversation at his apartment. Even though we had to worry about Dale possibly eavesdropping it was better than people at the party hearing.
Maybe I would even tell him in the car to secure my privacy completely.
I walked in the house now, a little shaken up by how many people were here just absolutely raging. A couple practically having sex on the stairs, a guy throwing up into a plant, which I hadn't realized the KT's could possibly even own, and a girl bawling her eyes out and hitting her boyfriends chest in the corner.
I get it girl, men do kind of suck.
"Hey Casey!", I hear someone call my name. It's Calvin.
"Calvin hi", I smile at him, happy to see a friendly face. "Im looking for Rusty, do you know where he is?"
"Last time I saw him he was outside with Dale, Ferret and Beaver", Calvin says.
"Thanks!", I say to him, happy that Cappie's name wasn't in that list.
I turn to walk towards the back door when I walk into a girl who basically tosses her drink on me.
"Oh my god I'm sorry. I'm drunk. Like really drunk. My bad", She slurs out before stumbling away in heels that she probably couldn't even walk in sober.
I don't get a chance to even say anything due to the pure shock of being fairly drenched in tequila.
I groan. Could this night get any worse? Maybe this was a sign that I shouldn't be brave and tell people. That I should just go back home and dive into my hole of reality shows and raspberry gelato.
I walk to the main floor bathroom and knock on the door.
"Someone's definitely doing it in there", I turn around to see Heath giving my a cringing face. "Straight people, they can't just get a room".
I let out a laugh.
"Thanks Heath".
"What happened?", He asks, referring to my the fact the drink had spilled onto my chest mostly, wetting the ends of my hair and leaving my collarbone wet.
"It's not sweat if that's what you're thinking", I laugh. "Uh someone spilled their drink on me. It's tequila I think… from the smell of it. But I could be wrong".
"I'm sorry, there's a bathroom upstairs off Cappie's room that literally no one uses. I'm sure he wouldn't care if you did", Heath suggests.
Heath obviously didn't know me and Cappie's current icy relationship, but I appreciate him for being nice. And I'm so annoyed and tired right now I don't care, I'm just gonna go up there and use his bathroom to dry off. I'm sure he's outside living it up anyways, he'll never even know.
"Thanks Heath!"
"Don't mention it", He smiles before going back to talk to Calvin. If I didn't know better I'd think maybe they were starting something back up again.
I have a hard time getting by the fornicating couple on the stairs but once I do I feel instant relief by the fact that it's much quieter up here and there's way less people too. The only people up here are a few people waiting in line for the upstairs bathroom.
Luckily I did know about the small bathroom off of Cappie's room, so I hoped no one notices me heading that way, I walk quietly, drops of mystery alcohol making their way down my chest and into my bra. How nice.
Cappie's door is closed, typical for him. I knew when he had parties he hated when anyone used his room. Unless it was any of his brothers who needed a place to bring a girl, then he would let them use the room.
I open the door, going in like usual when I stop in my tracks.
"Oh… shit! I'm sorry", I say immediately, my heart dropping into my stomach.
He's in there, Cappie, with that girl from earlier. The tall brunette he told me he just met today.
I knew I had no hold on him but that didn't make me feel better, that didn't help.
I'm standing here, soaked from a drink spilled on me, I just walked in on the love of my life in bed with another girl, and I was 22 years old and pregnant.
In a matter of a few weeks my life had gone completely up in flames.
I can't stop the tears that come to my eyes, hot like my cheeks from the embarrassment of this whole night. I never should've come back.
I turn to walk down the hall, wanting to find my way out of the house as fast as humanly possible. But I feel a hand on my shoulder then.
"Case!"
I turn and wriggle around, trying to get away from his grasp.
"Let go of me Cappie!"
"Just… just listen to me okay?", He pleads. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry".
I stop fighting and finally decide to just converse with him, engage in whatever his stupid explanation was. But only for a moment and then I was leaving. And I certainly wasn't telling him about the baby.
"Look it's not like you cheated on me okay… I just… I loved you", tears come down my face then. "I thought you-".
"I love you", He says cutting off my sentence, shaking his head like he's aggravated. "You know that".
He's standing here in his boxers and t shirt, hair tousled, probably smelling and tasting of liquor if I got closer. And I suddenly feel anger bubble inside me.
"Present tense? Cappie you're in bed with another girl? You broke up with me! Not the other way around", My tears make my voice break and I see the heartbroken look on his face.
"I know, I know! I was wrong to do that. I'm drunk tonight and—"
"I'm done with the exuses Cap. I'm soaked in tequila, I'm tired, I'm nauseous, and I'm embarrassed. I'm going home", I say firmly now.
"Please just let me walk you home, it's dark out", He pleads, stopping me again but stepping in front of me as I try to get down the stairs.
"You should get back to the girl in your bed. I can take care of myself", I sneer and move around him to make my way out of this house and this nightmare of a night.
I could take care of myself, and in some way that made me feel empowered. If I wanted to have this baby, I could. Somehow. And it didn't even have to involve Cappie.
It was so weird how you could literally feel the ache in your chest when someone hurts you.
I tried to hide the fact that I was crying because I didn't want anyone to ask me questions, I just wanted to go home to my bed. I could talk to Ashleigh and she'd understand.
"Casey!", I heard his familiar voice, the person I actually came here to find.
I take his arm and pull him with me in the direction of the front door.
"Hi Rus", Is all I can muster.
"What's going on? You're crying and you smell like the floor of a bar", He looks at me, worried.
"C'mon I just want to get outside", I say and finally we're out the door and into the fresh air.
I wipe my eye and my black makeup comes off on my fingers.
"Casey", Rusty gives me a hug then, not even caring that he's probably getting tequila on him too.
"I messed up really bad Rus", I say, tears still flowing from my eyes as I collapse in his arms. "Everything is so screwed up".
He pulls away and looks at me worriedly.
"I'm sure it's not anything that can't be fixed, what's going on?"
I look at him for a moment. I don't know why it was so hard to say it, so hard to say those words. It was probably because partly they didn't feel real to me and partly because I wished they weren't true.
"I'm pregnant Rusty", I say softly.
He looks at me, dumbfounded, and I just know it was the absolute last thing he thought was going to come out of my mouth.
"See what I mean? Can't really be fixed. Well I mean it can… but I don't", I frustrate myself with my own words. "I don't know what I want".
"Wait you're pregnant?", His eyes are big, still in shock.
"Yeah keep up", I groan slightly. "Let's get off this lawn, okay. Can you walk with me home? I want to get out of here".
Translation: I want to get as far away from where Cappie is as possible.
"Yeah of course", He nods and we start to walk down Greek row. "So it's… its Cappie's?"
"Yep", I say almost angrily.
"Is that… a good thing or a bad thing?", He asks like he's being cautious.
"What do you mean?", I give him a confused look.
"Well you sound upset about it so…", He trails off.
"Of course I'm upset Rusty!", I'm annoyed with him now too. "I'm 22, I'm supposed to go to law school, and I'm not even with the father!"
"No I know that", He assures me. "I meant that you seemed upset that it's Cappie's"
I think about that for a moment and my demeanour softens.
"I'm not", I say softer. "Seriously, I know it seems like I'm mad but it's only because… well I just walked in on Cappie and some girl in bed together".
"Oh god. Were they like… y'know?"
"I don't know, they weren't yet but it was… going that way", I groan. "Let's just say she didn't have her top on".
"God I'm sorry Casey. I'm sorry you're going through all this. I can't believe Cappie would do that to you… and I can't believe he hid this from us", Rusty says and I look at him confused.
"Rusty he doesn't know", I say. "I was actually at the party earlier around like 7 to tell him I was pregnant and I chickened out. I came back tonight to find you because I wanted to tell you. Because I needed to tell you".
He pulls me in then with his hand on my shoulder.
"I'm here for you Casey, I promise. Whatever you decide to do, I've got your back".
"Thank you Rusty", my tears have stopped but they just about start again at his supportive comment. "That means a lot since I literally have no idea what I'm gonna do".
"Well I hate to be this person… but don't you think you should tell Cappie before you make this decision? It's a really big decision to make on your own", Rusty says. "Plus… he deserves to know about a potential baby that's his".
"Look I know he's your friend and your brother but… I don't really think he'd even want this to deal with this anyway. So I'm just doing him a favour by keeping him in the dark about it", I try to say as nonchalantly as possible.
"Casey", Rusty gives me a playful glare. "C'mon".
"C'mon what Rus? You really think Cappie is going to want to be a dad?", I ask him. "It might intrude on him hooking up with miss Cinco De Mayo Barbie".
"Wow", Rusty laughs. "I've never seen you jealous".
"I'm not jealous!", I stand my ground. "Yes I'm hurt that he's moving on but I'm not jealous. I just don't think she's right for him".
"Yeah because you and him are meant to be together", Rusty stops walking and looks at me seriously. "And he knows it too".
"I don't think he really cares, he made it clear he wanted to break up Rusty. I'm not the bad guy here", I say.
"No you're not, but you will be if you keep this from him", Rusty says seriously. "And you're wrong, he takes care of all us guys at the house. Some of those guys have the IQs of children Case".
I laugh then.
"Alright fine, I'm being hard on him because I'm mad at him", I sigh. "Maybe you're right. Maybe he would want a baby. But I don't even know how that would work anyways. Or if I want to do it".
"Well I still think it's something you need to figure out with him. Obviously it's your body and it's your choice but maybe it would be easier to talk to him about what's best to do since he's kind of the other half of the baby", Rusty argues.
"Fine. Okay. I'll make a deal with you. If he shows up at my graduation, I'll tell him", I say.
"Because if he shows up that means he cares?"
"Exactly", I nod.
"He's gonna show up Case", Rusty scoffs.
"Yeah? How do you know?", I cross my arms.
"Because as much as you were his girlfriend and you've known him longer than me, I know him pretty well too and I know that he loves you", Rusty looks me in the eyes when he says that.
I look at him for a moment.
"When you asked a second ago if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Cappie was the father…", I pause for a moment and sigh. "It's a good thing".
He gives me a small smirk.
"I don't want to have a baby with anyone else because… I've never truly… loved anyone else. And that's why this is so hard", I sigh.
"Why is it hard because it's him?", He asks.
"Because! Because if I get rid of it it's always going to make me sad that me and him couldn't find a way to have this baby together, have a family. Have some sort of happy ending I guess", I ramble. "Maybe that's stupid but deep down I want all that stuff with him and I just… I don't want to tell him because the possibility of him not wanting it with me back would hurt too much".
Rusty looks at me softly after I pour my feelings out.
"I get that. Why don't you tell him what you just told me?", Rusty suggests.
"Because it's scary. Because he might not feel the same way".
"But what if he does?", Rusty gives me a slight smile.
"Well… we'll know on graduation", I say with a sigh. "It's up to him. And I'll deal with that on Monday".
"Alright Case. I'm just glad you told me", He says as we stand in front of the ZBZ house. "I love you and I'll be there for you either way".
"Aw thanks Rusty", I give him a hug. "I love you too…. Right now I kind of want to go in and have a shower now though".
We both laugh.
"Yeah that would probably be a good idea", He nods.
"See you tomorrow?", I start to walk up the steps to the house.
"See you miss Teen Mom", He jokes and I shoot him a glare.
"Hey! I beat teen pregnancy! I'm 22 dummy", I laugh at him before going inside.
I was happy me and Rusty could be this close. Happy I could have someone like him on my side. I never quite realized until these last few years how loyal my brother is and I loved him for that.
And somehow he even made me see Cappie in a slightly different light. He made my evening slightly less about being mad at Cappie and slightly more about the possibility that we could actually do this together.
If I can pull it together and tell him after I graduate on Monday.
