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Thank you endlessly to Pamela for prereading!

-39-

Bella

July 13, 2023

Lighthouse Cove, Maine

I stare at my phone, my teeth gnawing deeply into the corner of my lip. My eyes flit over the email again.

Hola, Dr. Swan,

En el laboratorio biológico de Caracas nos complacería ofrecerle un puesto en nuestro personal…

It's a job offer, a good one, based in a lab in Venezuela. It was a job I'd applied to almost six months ago, hoping in the back of my mind that they would keep me in consideration but not truly expecting them to contact me.

Before this vacation, I would have argued this was my dream job offer, so why am I so anxious looking at it?

There is a soft sound, and I look up as Rose comes into the kitchen. She looks at me in surprise.

"I thought you were off sailing into the sunset with lover boy," she says through a yawn. I roll my eyes, my stomach twisting.

"Edward has to work this morning," I tell her.

She moves to the counter, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Mhmm," she says, after taking a large sip. "Is that why you look like someone took your favorite toy away?"

I bark out a stiff laugh. "I got a job offer," I tell her, my voice unable to hide the tenseness. One of Rose's eyebrows quirks.

"And, that's… bad?" she asks, coming to sit at the kitchen table with me.

I let out a sigh, leaning back in the chair. "It's my dream job," I confess. "A three-year contract, an incredible lab, and working with a team that seems to want to make actual headway protecting the environment."

Rose taps her nails against her mug. "Bella, I'm not following. All of this sounds amazing."

I bite my lip before letting it go and sighing again. "They want me to start on Monday."

Rose's face changes, and she leans back, fully understanding.

"Oh shit," she says quietly. I blink, looking away from her face. "What are you going to do?"

I can't look at her, or I might start crying.

"There's only one thing for me to do," I say softly. "You know that." I risk a glance at her.

She looks pensive, her mug cupped between her palms. "How soon do you have to let them know?" she asks, her head tilting toward my phone.

I shrug. "As soon as possible."

Rose is quiet, and I sense her mulling everything over, trying to form a response.

"What do you want to do?"

I look at her in surprise. "I told you—"

She shakes her head. "No, Bella. Not what you should do. What do you want?"

Her question makes a lump form in my throat, and I snap my mouth shut. She sips her coffee, her soft gaze on me.

"Whatever you decide," she says after a few quiet minutes. I look up at her again. "You know that we will love and support you, no matter what."

I let out a breath and reach out, my hand covering hers. I give her a small squeeze.

"Thanks, Rose."

I spend the afternoon with Alice, trying to take my mind off my worries by focusing on her and helping her pick out an outfit for her date with Jasper. I truly love seeing my friend like this; happy, silly, girlishly-nervous about a date.

It fills my heart with joy, and helps take my mind off my own anxieties.

It isn't until the evening that I see Edward again. I meet him on the dock as his shift is ending. Carlisle is there too, and he gives me a warm hug before taking over for Edward. I watch father and son chat easily for a moment before Edward turns to me. My stomach twists when I see the smile on his face.

"Hey," he says as he approaches.

I push up onto my toes, kissing him as soon as he's close enough. I can tell I've caught him by surprise, but after a second, his arms come around my waist.

"Hey," I breathe against his mouth.

I feel his hands squeeze me around the waist for a moment before he gently steps back and looks me up and down. If he can see any of my earlier conflicts in my eyes, he doesn't say anything.

"Ready?" he asks, his head tilting toward his boat.

I nod, threading my fingers through his. "Yeah, let's go."

We wander down the dock, our steps making the old wood groan lightly.

"How was your shift?" I ask, glancing up at him.

He smiles at me. "It was good," he says softly. "Mrs. Roberts brought me an entire tray of fudge," he says, shifting his shoulder where his backpack strap is fixed. I lick my lips. I've had Mrs. Robert's fudge before. She usually hands it out to all the neighbors on the island while she and her husband come down here to vacation every summer.

"Her fudge is the best," I moan softly.

Edward nods in agreement. "It is," he says. "If you're lucky, I'll share some of my stash with you."

I snort. "Wow, you must really like me. I wouldn't share her fudge with anyone."

The words are out before I can stop them, and I glance up at Edward, nervous as soon as I realize what I've said.

He gives me a small smile, his hand squeezing mine. "Yeah," he says so quietly, I almost miss it. "I must."

My heart is beating irregularly in my chest, and I have to look away from his face, toward the water to catch my breath.

We reach his boat, and he helps me up before following me on deck. I offer to tag his backpack down below, and he hands it off to me easily. I slip downstairs to stow the bags before he can say anything else.

Downstairs, I take a deep breath to steady myself. My eyes shut as I focus on breathing.

When I feel stable enough, I open my eyes, make sure our bags are tucked away safely, then head back up on deck to help Edward cast off.

Edward sails us down the coast a bit, farther than he's taken me before. I love watching the Maine shoreline pass by on the horizon. It makes me wonder what the land used to look like, before humans came and put such irrevocable stamps upon it.

We finally drop anchor in a small cove that is sheltered from the winds coming off the sea, but far enough from the shore that it feels like we're completely and utterly alone.

It's a stunning area, and after the boat is secure, I wander toward Edward, my arms slipping around his waist.

"This place is incredible," I tell him my chin tilting up until it rests against his chest. He smiles, his arms winding around me in return.

"It is," he agrees quietly. "It's one of my favorite places to slip away, especially in the fall."

I look past him at the large trees that cover the shoreline. I bet it's stunning dressed in autumnal hues.

Edward's hand rubs gently over my spine and I shift my gaze back to him. "Are you hungry?" he asks.

I shrug. "I could eat."

He nods, leaning down to kiss me tenderly before dropping his arms. He steps away, and I move with him down toward the cabin.

"I picked up some lobsters," he says as we descend the stairs. "I hope that's okay."

I can't help my giggle. "It's perfect," I say, desperately trying to school myself into behaving. Edward nods.

We work together to prepare dinner. His kitchen is tiny, but with one of us sitting at the table to chop, it's manageable.

I like the harmonious movements between us as we do yet another domestic task together. It's simple, uncomplicated, lovely.

Soon incredible smells are wafting through the cabin. I'm dizzy, taking in the scent of drawn butter and fresh herbs, mixing with watching Edward cook. Horniness and hunger combine until I'm not sure which I want more of.

When Edward smoothly opens a bottle of white wine, his muscles flexing as he expertly pops the cork, my mind is made up.

I slip out from the table, sneaking up behind him to wrap my arms around his torso, my face pressing against his back. He stiffens slightly, surprised by my sudden embrace, but when my hands slide under his shirt, over his abs and then down toward his pants, he lets out a soft laugh.

"If you keep having that thought, dinner will be ruined," he warns. I bite at his shoulder blade through his shirt, my teeth nipping gently.

"I'm not so hungry for food anymore," I tell him. He lets out a breath then spins in my arms, leaning down to kiss me hard. The wine bottle is still in his hand, and I'm about ready to mount him then and there when he breaks the kiss.

"I've been dying to taste this butter on your lips," he says slowly. "Can you hold off a little while longer?"

I lean back a little, licking my lips. "How can I refuse with a temptation like that?" I ask. He smiles and leans down to kiss me once more before I let him go. We finish making dinner and Edward pours me a glass of wine and himself a glass of scotch before we head back up on deck.

Outside, the sky is a brilliant painting of orange, red, and deep purples. It's a spectacular sunset, maybe the best we've had yet at Lighthouse Cove.

We settle on the leather seats up on the deck, turning to face one another. Edward carefully holds his scotch up in a silent salute, and I lift my wineglass, gently clinking it against his.

We drink, matching smiles of satisfaction on our faces.

Edward and I are stretched out on the deck of his boat, naked under the stars. Our dishes have been abandoned, and as promised, Edward thoroughly sampled every flavor of our dinner from my skin.

Food had never been so sexy.

We're both sticky and a little gross, but content, our bodies wound together in the cool night air. There is something liberating about being naked outdoors. I want to stay just like this.

"Bella," Edward says softly, one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair.

"Hm?" I hum, my body boneless and content.

"Will you tell me what's been on your mind?"

My eyes shoot open, my heart skipping a beat as I try to recall what I might have said to make him suspect…

"Bella, I'm not an idiot," he says gently. "And despite the fact that this has only been a few days, I've known you for years. I can tell you're distracted by something."

My hands brush over the light hair dusted on his chest, searching for the words.

After a minute, he lets out a breath. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "You don't have to tell me, I—"

I feel horrible that he thinks I'm pushing him away.

"I got a job offer," I blurt out.

Edward is quiet under me, and I don't know if he's waiting for me to continue, or processing what my words mean.

"Was this not the job you were hoping for?" Edward asks after a moment.

I let out a breath, my nails lightly scratching his sternum.

"I wanted it," I whisper.

Edward shifts. "I want to say congratulations, but it sounds like that might be something you don't want to hear?" His words end on a question, and I finally tilt my face up toward his. "Do you not want it anymore?"

I shake my head. "It's my dream job," I tell him. I take a breath and keep talking. "They want me to start on Monday."

Edward's hand rubs my back gently. "Where is it?"

My stomach drops. "Venezuala."

Edward is quiet, and my eyes scan his face, trying to read his thoughts. He's quiet for so long that I feel panic start to seep into my bones. Shit, I've ruined everything, I shouldn't have said anything at all.

I start to pull back from him, trying to untangle our bodies so I can sit up. Maybe I could swim to shore and hitchhike back to the house. It's not that dark out, I'm sure I'll be fine.

"Bella, wait, hold on." Edward sits up, his hands landing on my arms to stop me. "Where are you going?"

I can't look at him because I know if I do, I'll start crying.

"I've ruined everything," I whisper. "I'm sorry. You should just take me back to the house."

"Bella, what are you talking about?"

I hate that he's going to make me say it out loud.

I can't look at him, so instead I lift a hand, motioning between us. "I was going to stay, and give us time to figure out what was happening, but now… It would have been better if we never even started any of this."

Edward is shifting, and in a second, he's in front of me, his beautiful face creased with anger. "You don't mean that," he says, and I've never heard his voice so hard. My tears well faster, threatening to spill over. Edward's eyes scan my face, his brows furrowed. "Have I been pressuring you into this?"

I gasp, shocked at the turn of his words. "What? No, of course not."

"But you regret this." His words are flat, his eyes hard as he stares at me. I pull my legs up to my chest, trying to curl my naked body tight, as if I could hide from him.

Contrarily, Edward is sprawled out, his body language open, unashamed, steady.

"I told you this was going to end in heartbreak," I whisper, tears heavy in my throat. I feel like I'm choking on all the things I'm not able to say.

"Bella," his hands land on my shoulders, surprising me. "Dammit, Bella, look at me."

My gaze has dropped to the deck of his boat, too ashamed and frightened to look into his eyes.

Slowly, I force myself to look up.

The moment my eyes land on his sea glass gaze, I burst into tears, my body shaking as I try harder and harder to pull my emotions in.

I hear him swear, and then he's tugging me into his lap, his body warm as it surrounds mine.

It might make things in worse in the end, but I cling to him crying against his chest, taking comfort from him while I can.

My tears are coming from a deep place within me, somewhere I can't even name.

Edward holds me to his chest, his heartbeat singing a song directly onto my skin.

It might be minutes, or it might be an hour later that my tears finally subside. I can feel Edward press a kiss to the top of my head, his hand spread across my back.

"Bella," he murmurs. "I've always known you aren't here to stay," he says softly. "Your soul is in wandering the world, and I admire that so much about you."

I can feel his words vibrating through his chest, and I shut my eyes, trying to absorb every detail of him.

"I would never want to keep you from your purpose," he murmurs against my hair. "And," he says, his hands brushing my hair over my shoulder. "I want you to know that no matter how little time we've had, I wouldn't trade a single moment of it."

At this, my eyes open and I pull back from him, just enough to look at his face. I can see he's telling me the truth, though I can't fathom how it's true.

"But we've barely had any time," I whisper. "And…" the words die on my lips. I'm not ready to confess how wide the feelings have grown in me in such a little time.

It would absolutely break me to hear Edward confess it back.

"It's not the quantity of the minutes," he says gently. "But the quality."

I sniff. "You sound like a fortune cookie."

He grins a little. "What I'm trying to tell you," he presses. "Is that I've had more fun getting to know you this past week than I've had in years." His hand comes down, gently brushing my cheek. "And if you'll let me, I'd like to get in as many minutes as I can until you leave."

I let out a shaking breath. "You want more?" I ask, surprised.

Edward smiles sadly. "As many as I can get."

I don't know why this surprises me. Maybe it's because I've never known anyone who wanted me, exactly as I am, right where I am at. I should have expected Edward to be mature enough to say something like this, but I didn't, and now, it's catching me off guard.

How can he continue to want me like we've been, knowing in a matter of hours I'll be flying off around the world?

Is it possible to fit an entire relationship in two days?

"What if—"

Edward cuts me off with a kiss. "Bella, there will always be a what if. Instead of worrying about what is to come, try enjoying this moment with me, right here, right now." His hand sweeps down my back and I take a deep breath.

"I don't know how," I admit, realizing not for the first time that as far as adult relationships go, I'm pretty shitty at them. I wonder if it's because my parents were the same way, or if it's some part of me that makes me incompatible with mature relationships. "Edward, I've never…" my voice trails off, not sure I want to go into my messy relationship history when there is now a clock over us.

I look up at Edward's beautiful, patient face, and take a breath, summoning the courage to keep going. "I've never done any sort of healthy relationship," I tell him. "In fact, I've only ever had one boyfriend that I actually cared about, and he sort of destroyed me." I swallow hard, my eyes shifting to the shore behind his shoulder. It's easier to remember the past when I'm not looking at Edward.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Edward asks, his hand brushing over my shoulder blades softly. I can tell by his tone he won't push me if I say no, but I wonder if it's finally time for this to come out.

I take another breath. "His name was Alec," I say, flinching over his name. "We met my first week of college. He was two years older and I was absolutely infatuated with him." I frown as I recall that period of my life. Alec was everything to me. He had consumed my life completely, and I'd submitted to him willingly. "He was my first everything; kiss, boyfriend, sexual partner, taste of adult life… I thought everything he did was right, was perfect, and he thrived on the attention I poured on him." I swallow hard. "He was a narcissist, I realized later in therapy, and he drained the life and soul out of me, until I wasn't anything without him." Even now, my heart is starting to race, remembering how utterly and completely I submitted my entire being to him. "I thought that was what love was, and when he ended it, it was like my world was ending too." I can feel fresh tears welling, and I blink, looking down at Edward's chest that I'm still leaned against. "I've never tried to build any sort of connection with people since. I was so adamant about never needing anyone again that I think I scabbed myself over, made it too hard on myself to connect with anyone." I swallow hard, my eyes finally shifting to Edward's face. "That's why it's such a big deal to me," I say softly. "Letting you in is the scariest thing I've ever done."

Edward lets out a soft breath before his arms are winding around me, pulling me back toward his chest. I sink against him, our hearts pressing together.

"I'm so sorry," he says softly, his lips whispering through my hair. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I had no idea…" his voice trails off, and I shiver a little.

"I know you're not him," I say after a moment, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "You're kind and patient and giving. You're nothing like him."

Edward lets out a breath. "I'm glad you think so," he mutters softly. I shift to look up at his face and he winces. "I was a really shitty person for a long time," he says after a moment. "After college, I moved to New York with one of my best friends. We were going to start a publishing house together." He shakes his head. "I invested everything but my soul, and then my partner screwed me over, left me with nothing." He winces, and I can't help but reach out to him, wishing to take some of the sting from his words. "I was so angry, so bitter. I was a horrible person, selfish and shallow and cruel to the people around me. I was too young to know better and too immature to snap out of it." Edward stops, his eyes flickering to me. "I let it effect my relationships with everyone," he sighs. "The last girl I dated… she, well…" he looks at me before taking a breath. "She wanted more of me than I could give her, and instead of ending things when I realized we wouldn't work, I let things go on far too long, giving her false hope." His eyes squeeze shut as he shakes his head. "I still regret what I did to her."

I gaze up at his silhouette against the dark sky. I can't fathom the picture he's painting. Even if he did lead her on, he is so inherently good I can't imagine he inflicted nearly as much damage on his ex as Alec had wanted to inflict on me.

I reach up, pressing a kiss to the corner of Edward's jaw.

"We both have things we have to work on," I say slowly. "I kind of like that."

Edward gives me a soft smile, his hand smoothing over my back. "I do too."

We're curled up in Edward's bed, the only light shining on us being the moonlight trickling in through the skylight. We're both quiet, somber in the wake of the heavy confessions. I feel better, though I'm still scared about how this will all end.

Still, Edward is right. All these moments together have to be worth whatever is to come, right?

"Edward?" I ask, my voice a whisper in the dark.

"Hm?"

"What sort of things do you write?"

I can feel his body tense, ever so slightly, then his throat is bobbing as he swallows. Finally, he lets out a breath.

"I write a lot of things," he says softly, and I'm worried he's going to stay vague, but then he keeps talking. "For work, it's technical things, white pages and whatnot. For fun, it ranges between fiction and poetry."

My heart skips a beat. "You write poetry?"

"Yes," he breathes into my hair. My face is tucked into his neck, my lips near the base of his throat.

I debate with myself for a moment before letting out a small breath. "Do you think I could read some of your writing?"

He shifts, his arms coming around me a little tighter. "Yes," he breathes. I wonder if those are nerves I hear in his voice. "In fact…" his voice trails off, and I wait patiently for him to continue. "I have a poem memorized if you want to hear it?"

I'm nearly breathless with excitement. "Yes, please."

I can feel his nerves, and I press a small kiss to his throat. I feel him take a breath, and then his hand is moving over my naked back.

You are the wind, and I am meadow grass; learning what it means to bend.

You are the sun, and I am the vine; stretching and unfurling in your direction.

You are a wildflower, and I am the garden; relearning what it means to belong.

You are the dawn, and I am the dusk; two sides of an unyielding coin.

You are the compass, and I am the traveler; following you to the horizon.

His words are soft, whispers against my hair and I feel tears well in my eyes. I curl my arms around him tighter, my lips pressing against his throat as I try to fight off my tears. "Thank you," I whisper against his skin.

Edward sighs against me, his hands clutching onto me just a little bit tighter. He presses another kiss to my forehead, and though we are both quiet, this is a silence that speaks.

Tears splashing over onto my cheeks, I pull myself as tight as I can against Edward, until our hearts are beating against one another, falling into sync until I cannot feel where he ends and I begin.