I'm so glad you are excited for this story. It's a fun one :3
Just a heads up, this chapter has smut at the beginning, and there will be more in future chapters.
Enjoy!
The thought of how long I had been with Dimitri should have crossed my mind. Maybe even wonder if Lissa had called to check on me as she often did. But all I cared about was wrapping my legs around Dimitri's waist and sliding my tongue against his. His hands grasped my thighs and supported my weight easily, our bodies so tightly pressed together that there were no gaps.
It was the definition of insanity to make out with the monster you had trained your whole life to kill, but nothing about it felt wrong.
Kissing Dimitri was the best I had felt in months.
The feeling of his fangs didn't break through my need that time—if anything, it added to it. The whole forbidden relationship thing had an appeal.
Dimitri growled; the vibrations in his chest moved through me, and my toes curled at the thought of the raw power he had. I could only imagine the things he could do to me, and I realised the amount of trust I was putting into him. If Dimitri wanted to use his strength against me, I would be helpless to stop him.
I don't think I had trusted anyone that much; other than Lissa. And just like with her, I was trusting Dimitri with my life.
He eased me onto the bed, somehow more aware of my injuries than I was. It threw me how careful he was. A thoughtful Strigoi sounded like a kid's bedtime story—granted, it wasn't one I was told. I was only warned of my likely death if I didn't kill them as soon as I saw them.
It was a bizarre turn of events that led from Dimitri and me trading blows with the intention to kill to him rolling his hips against me while I laid under him on his bed. If anyone ever learned of this, I would be shunned by everyone.
What kind of guardian had warm fuzzy feelings for a Strigoi and spread their thighs for them? But fuck, the feeling of him pressed against me was pure pleasure.
Hello, God. It's Rose again. I'm going to hell.
Dimitri's kiss was bruising, a hunger as he devoured every sound I made. Once I was on the bed, his hands didn't still, roaming my body with reverence. Long fingers moved with the sole purpose of making me gasp and moan from the sensation.
I wasn't shy about my body; I knew how good I looked and wasn't afraid of flaunting it. Yet, when Dimitri unbuttoned my shirt, I felt more exposed than I had in a while. I still wore underwear, the only thing covering me, though it left little to the imagination. Dimitri lifted himself enough to see all of me, a heavy gaze dragging down my body and back up to my eyes.
"Beautiful," he admired. "Since I saw you in that dress, I've wanted you to myself—wanted to touch you." Fingers danced down my stomach, moving lower until his hand dropped between my legs, stroking me through my underwear. I bit my lip to hold in the moan, and Dimitri's eyes darkened. "I've wanted to please you, Roza."
When I kissed Dimitri, I never planned how far I would go. Kissing was one thing… sex was another. A lump formed in my throat.
His hand moved back to my stomach, and tenderness filled his expression. "I'll only go as far as you want. I promised I wouldn't hurt you and will keep my promise."
Fuck. "Why are you like this?" I questioned, searching his face for the lie. It had to be a trick, right? "Why do you want me like this?"
His gaze intensified, burning through me and sending thrills straight to my core. "Because I want you."
It wasn't a declaration of love—it was possession. But I wasn't there for love.
I pulled Dimitri back to me, kissing him again. When we broke apart, I told him, "I'm not having sex."
Disappointment flicked across his face, but he nodded. "Very well. May I pleasure you in other ways?"
The words got stuck in my throat, almost afraid to voice my agreement. When dhampirs slept with Moroi, they ran the risk of being called a bloodwhore even though sex with them was our only way of continuing our race. To some, it didn't matter if the Moroi feed on us or not.
But with a Strigoi…
I wasn't begging for a bite, not even to go all the way, but there was still a part of me that knew anything I did with him would be seen as taboo. Just kissing him would classify me as a bloodwhore and a traitor. Allowing him to make me come made me feel like I was clutching my pearls; the shame of my actions threatening to consume me.
Yet, my body was eager to experience that pleasure he promised.
No one would ever know…
"Yes."
The kiss that followed was passionate, bringing any thoughts in my mind to a screeching halt. That shame faded far to the back of my mind as I wrapped my arms around Dimitri and encouraged him to lay over me again. The cool temperature of his body made me shiver but felt good against the warmth of my skin.
Again, his hand ventured down my body, though instead of remaining outside my underwear, Dimitri's hand slipped under. It had been months since another person made me come; relying on myself to get the job done.
In the dark of the night, locked away from everyone else, I had pleased myself with thoughts of Dimitri after a particularly sensual dream. To have that fantasy become a reality made my stomach do flips in anticipation.
Dimitri didn't hesitate, skilled fingers eased into me. Just one at first, inched in and out until his palm flattened against me. Then he added a second. And a third.
I threw my head back; my nails pressed into his shoulders as I was overwhelmed by the feeling. Dimitri watched me intently, catching every expression and sound as he shifted his fingers to find what I liked. I had never felt so focused on by a man; I trembled under him as he brought me closer with each pump of his hand.
We kissed again, a mess of lips and tongues. My heart pounded, and I gasped each time he found the perfect spot to rub and press. Even Dimitri was breathing harder despite lacking the need for air. His lips trailed across my jaw, burning a trail; when he sucked a spot behind my ear, I felt like I would combust. His thrusts didn't slow, and I was close to begging to come when his lips pressed to the unblemished side of my neck.
It wasn't a bite—not even close—yet, a sudden pleasure shot through me, and my orgasm hit. I squeezed my eyes closed, riding the waves of ecstasy that consumed me. It was so much more intense than I expected; the thrill of who satisfied me added to it.
It wasn't just because he was Strigoi. I could never imagine ever having feelings for a Strigoi.
No, it was purely because of Dimitri. For whatever reason, he caught my affection, and now I was falling deeper into the rabbit hole. As I laid on his bed, still feeling the aftershocks as his fingers continued to move, I realised that I had crossed a line. And it was too late to go back.
It had been a week since I saw Dimitri.
I had mixed feelings each time I thought of what I did in his apartment. Once the realisation of what I did hit me, I was quick to ask to leave, and surprisingly, Dimitri just let me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, his expression guarded. Though, there was a ghost of a smile on his face as he watched me rush out.
I didn't tell anyone about what happened, and luckily, the wounds from the Strigoi had healed enough by the time Lissa and the others returned; I could cover up the fading bruises with my hair and make-up.
While it wasn't my intention to ease the darkness that way, being with Dimitri had given me something else to focus on other than the madness on the edge of my mind. That, and the newly charmed necklace Lissa had gifted me. It seemed she wasn't as oblivious as I assumed. She had placed it around my neck with a look of pride while explaining she and Adrian had worked on it for days before they got it to work.
It was like a breath of fresh air.
I played with the small silver heart that adorned the chain. It was tacky, but I loved it. At least it wasn't a rose.
One of the reasons I hadn't spoken to Dimitri was because I didn't know what to say after what happened between us. The other was that I wanted to be alone when I did. I had to wait for my night off, feigning the need to work out at the gym, I walked a few blocks away from our house and waited.
I felt a little reckless wandering around a park after sunset. My gym bag hung from my shoulder; it was empty save for a towel and a bottle of water to better sell my lie. I carried my stake in hand, tapping it nervously against my thigh.
I don't know why I thought Dimitri would be following me. Why I expected him to just show up, but I didn't have a better idea other than attempting to find his apartment. I had been so focused on putting distance between us that day that I couldn't remember exactly where he lived.
As the minutes passed, dragging until almost half an hour passed, I realised I was an idiot.
I couldn't believe I was standing there, waiting to talk to a Strigoi about the mind-blowing orgasm he gave me.
"Why am I like this?" I grumbled.
"I've wondered that as well."
I spun on my heel, stake at the ready even though I recognised the voice. It was distant, just loud enough that I could hear but couldn't sense him. A branch snapped to my left, and seconds later, I felt the roll of nausea.
"I wondered how close I had to be, and now I know," Dimitri mused as he emerged from the shadows, hands tucked in the pockets of the brown duster he wore. After seeing all the Westerns in his book collection, I wasn't surprised.
"Are you often in the shadows following me?" I questioned.
The corner of his lips quirked up. "Who says you're the one I'm following."
I frowned; his words caused a sting. I squared my shoulders, remembering my one job in this life. "I won't let you near Lissa." What the fuck was I doing? Dimitri was a murderer, and after one amazing kiss, I forgot that.
I tightened my hold on my stake.
"You seem better. Was our night together that beneficial for you?" he asked with a gleam in his eyes. "Have you come to ask for more?"
It was always a game for him; I was just prey for him to play with, and I went willingly. I was an idiot. "That will never happen again. I will never touch you again."
Dimitri stepped towards me, and I stepped back. His expression fell. "I know you want me, too. I saw your reaction when I kissed your neck. Just imagine what else I could do."
"What you saw was me still drunk. If I was in my right mind, I never would have let you anywhere near me."
"Then why are you here?"
I glared daggers at him—my resolve made me stand strong. "I only came here to warn you that the next time I see you, I'll kill you. Whatever that night was, it won't happen again. Our truce is over."
I spun on my heel, though kept myself aware in case he decided to follow; I was ready to fight, practically begging to throw a punch so I could focus on that instead of the feeling inside me. It was like I had rose-tinted glasses on and finally took them off.
No matter how gentle Dimitri might pretend to be, he was still a soulless monster in the end.
I was done playing his game.
I didn't see Dimitri for a while but always felt eyes on me.
No. His eyes were on Lissa. Dimitri wanted to kill her, just like every other Strigoi we crossed paths with. More were out once winter hit; the shorter days and dark skies as the snow fell made a perfect hunting ground for them.
It was our Christmas break at last, so I didn't have to worry about that one class at night Lissa had to take for her degree. Tatiana extended an offer to Lissa to spend Christmas at Court, but she turned it down to spend a week with Christian and his aunt instead. I had met Tasha a handful of times, and while I respected her stance on Moroi fighting, I didn't have the energy to be social.
Christmas wasn't exactly my favourite time of the year after the ski trip. Eddie and I both opted to remain at the house for the holiday. Andrews and Chelsey went with Lissa; Tasha had requested other guardians to help protect them during their trip, so we weren't needed.
I mentally braced myself for the darkness that would gather. Tasha liked to preach about using magic defensively and loved to explore with Lissa how Spirit could be useful in a fight. Lissa had a small control of the other elements and was determined to make a fireball like Christian could.
At this rate, I would need another charm by January.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked Eddie again, studying his expression to tell if he was lying.
He rolled his eyes, switching the hand that held his stake so he could push my shoulder. "Stop asking. I'm starting to think you are changing your mind."
"No," I defended. It was my idea in the first place, and I desperately needed it. Hunting Strigoi wasn't encouraged, and I could already imagine the lecture Chelsey would give if she found out. Hell, I could even hear Alberta's voice in my head telling me I was being reckless. But with the darkness pressing on the corners of my mind and the loss of Mason twisting my heart until I felt I would break, I needed to pick a fight with something.
Eddie was as pent up as me, with grief clouding his eyes; I hadn't seen him smile in days. The fact I got one when I offered to look for a fight proved how far he was gone.
We both needed the distraction.
Snow fell from the sky and stuck to the pavement; some areas had been salted and others hadn't. I just hoped that my shoes had enough traction not to slip on the frozen ground mid-fight. Another reason why it could all be a terrible idea.
Despite that, I was excited. Adrenaline buzzed through my veins and I hadn't even hit anything yet, but it was the anticipation that made me bounce on my heels.
We walked through the streets of downtown, trusting my senses to warn me when we were close. It wasn't a long search. Two Strigoi, each with a human. I did feel good saving people—a small voice saying that the humans would have died if we were there. I didn't want to be some Strigoi hunter, but it did make me feel like I had a bit more of a purpose than just guarding one person.
It wasn't like she even needed me that much. I learned that week that I wasn't needed. There would always be more guardians for Lissa.
That thought made my blood boil, the anger strengthening my hits. The Strigoi didn't stand a chance.
With two dead Strigoi lying in the bloodied snow, I offered to hide the bodies while Eddie got the humans somewhere safe. Technically, we were meant to contact the Alchemists, but they made a physical report that stated Eddie and I were out, and that brought questions. So, we hid the bodies and planned to call when we were already out of the area.
I was dragging one by their feet when the nausea hit again.
"Feeling pent up?"
I didn't bother turning. Somehow, I knew it was him. "What do you want?" I groaned, tugging the body and throwing it against the wall. The snow crunched under heavy shoes, and the second body landed on the first. I backed up and placed my hands on my hips with a glare aimed at Dimitri. "I told you I would kill you. Do you have a death wish now?"
Dimitri slipped his hands in the pockets of his duster, too relaxed for my liking. "The Princess isn't here."
"So?" I growled, "You're still a monster, Dimitri. You still kill innocent people without a single care for the pain you cause." I pulled out my stake to punctuate my words, "My job is to kill you no matter what."
His jaw clenched; irritation rolled off him. "Been practising that speech?"
I gritted my teeth. I had. Bastard. Those were the reasons I repeated over and over whenever I thought fondly of what happened in his apartment. I wanted to make myself regret it. I wanted to hate how low I had fallen.
I wanted to hate him.
Instead, I kept being drawn back.
I lunged forward, foolishly hoping to catch him off-guard and stake him without much of a fight. I should have known better. Dimitri caught my wrist and knocked me off balance; I managed to tuck and roll so I didn't land face-first into the snow.
Dimitri didn't advance on me—only watched and waited. He had to be playing with me again.
Again, I rushed at him, throwing punches and landing a few. That rage was still simmering below the surface, and I welcomed the chance to direct it at one person. He moved to block my hits but never returned any; glowing red eyes focused on me the whole time.
I forced Dimitri back, causing him to stumble more than once. He had a few cuts from my stake, protecting his chest with his arms; I could see his control breaking. When I tried to stake him again, Dimitri caught my arm and spun us around to press my back to the wall. I was caught off-guard by him suddenly fighting back; my arms pinned above my head, and my breath caught in my throat.
Dimitri leaned down; my chest brushed his with each inhale. I hadn't realised hard I pushed myself until I stood still; sweat dripped from my hairline despite the freezing night temperatures.
"You're different again," he noted, piercing gaze keeping me still. It was like he could see straight through me. Concerned pulled at his features. "What's happening to you, Roza?"
Something darker.
How the hell could Dimitri always see it…
I yanked at his hold, trying to free myself and get far away. I hated that he could see that there was something wrong. "I'm going to kill you!"
Dimitri scowled, lips parting to speak, when he stilled. A growl rumbled in his chest before I was thrown away from the wall and back to the street. "Get out of here," he ordered, body tensed as he sniffed the air.
I was confused. "What the hell—"
"If you are still here when they arrive, they will kill you without a second thought."
"Who?"
My stomach rolled in warning.
"Run, Roza," Dimitri hissed. There wasn't any compulsion used, but his words still made me move. I knew it wasn't a trick; whatever—whoever—was coming made Dimitri antsy. He had killed other Strigois in the past and barely had a scratch on him; this time was different.
The look on his face when he told me to run… Dimitri almost looked scared.
I ran into the street and down the block to where I planned to meet Eddie at a pay phone. My stomach wasn't rolling anymore, but I didn't trust that it was safe.
Eddie looked up when I approached, concern obvious in his expression. "What took you so long?" I didn't slow; I gripped his wrist and dragged him with me. "What's going on?"
"We have to get out of here!"
We were back in the car, driving home when Eddie decided he needed answers. "What the hell was that about?"
"Strigoi," was my explanation, but it wasn't enough.
"So? We could have taken them."
Dimitri's expression flashed in my mind and it made my stomach twist. "No, we would have died." I shifted in my seat to catch his eye, "Trust me if we had stayed there, they would have killed us."
Eddie wanted to argue more, questions shined in his eyes and I prayed he wouldn't ask them. What could I really say? The Strigoi I hooked up with warned me. Not a great answer unless I wanted to reveal all of my secrets. Even then, Eddie would think I was no better than a human working with Strigoi—I would be a traitor in his eyes.
Maybe I was one. After all, I was filled with dread, feeling like I had abandoned Dimitri. I hated it, but there was a part of me that was scared he was hurt.
Shit. I cared about Dimitri.
