we all want love/we all want honor
Part 20: with these things there's no telling
"Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow."
- Bright Eyes, "First Day of My Life"
The girl was back again.
(Zuko had panicked the first time he'd realized just how often she'd been coming in lately, convinced that she'd figured out their secret, but Uncle had laughed and told him that that wasn't why she was here.
"So why is she here?" Zuko had asked, bewildered.
"Who can comprehend the inner workings of a woman's mind?" Uncle had replied, but the smirk on his lips had told Zuko that the old man knew more than he was letting on.)
"Here's your tea," Zuko said as he put the cup down in front of the suspicious girl. He didn't understand why she kept staring at him like that. Her expression was neither pitying nor scornful, so it couldn't be the scar…
"I'm Jin," she said, pulling him out of his thoughts. "What's your name?"
"Li," he said. As he started to walk away, she threw out another question.
"Do you work the late shift, too?"
Why did this girl care what shifts he was working? Was she planning on ambushing him on his way home?
"No…" he said slowly, studying the way her face lit up at his response.
"Great!" Jin said. "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
He dropped his tray.
What?
"I'm… I don't…" Zuko fumbled as he picked up the (thankfully empty) tea tray, trying to figure out the appropriate response. Go where? And why? What exactly did she want from him?
He turned his head towards the front counter, hoping Uncle would know what he was supposed to do, but for once, the old man was nowhere to be seen.
And then he realized that the girl was still talking.
"-does tonight work for you?"
Before he could put together what it was he was meant to say to such an invitation, the shop door banged open. At once, everyone in the room turned to the entrance, staring at the tiny girl in the doorway.
"I heard this place makes the best tea in the city- anybody going to hook a girl up?"
"L-Lin Yu?" Zuko asked. "What are you doing here?"
The afternoon off had been an unexpected surprise- Twinkletoes had begged off early, saying something about a zoo. He'd tried to convince her to come with him, but Toph had decided to go see how Sparky and Uncle were doing at work, instead.
Originally, she'd planned on sneaking in quietly, maybe pulling on her demure little blind girl act, and see just how long it would take the hothead to notice her presence and start freaking out. However, as she got closer to the door, she noticed that his heart rate indicated that he was already freaking out.
What's that about?
She paused, planting her feet solidly into the doorstep, and listened.
Seriously? Only Zuko would get so flustered about something so silly.
Guess I should probably rescue him, huh?
"Li?" Toph said, gasping. "Wait, is this your shift? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bother you at work…" Zuko, of course, knew that she was lying, but that was irrelevant. She walked over to the table he was standing at and casually grabbed his free arm. "Who's your friend?"
"This is… uh… Jin," he said, trying to wiggle free. Reluctantly, she released him.
"Aw, is this your little sister?" Jin said, a chirpy note Toph didn't trust tinting her voice. "She's so cute!"
"My what?" Zuko asked, clearly affronted. Toph laughed.
"Alright, I'm going to go say hi to Uncle and see what blend he recommends," she said. "We still on for tonight?"
"Wh-" she kicked his shin, interrupting him. She got onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
"Play along," Toph whispered, moving her lips to his ear. "You're welcome." Then she dashed off to the back of the store before he could put together what had just happened.
"So," Uncle said that afternoon, as the two of them headed back to the apartment (not home, not in this place). "I hear someone has a date tonight."
"What are you talking about?" Zuko asked, confused.
"No need to be coy, nephew," the old man said, pausing to toss a coin into a beggar's basket. "Lin Yu told me the two of you had made alternate arrangements for dinner this evening."
"Huh?" He tried to recall exactly how that strange encounter had gone. Jin had asked if Lady Toph was his sister, of all things (he already had one little sister, he didn't need another, and the thought of being related to Toph did something unpleasant to his insides), and Lady Toph had said… "'We still on for tonight?'" Zuko muttered. "But that was just…"
Just what? A joke?
Zuko had always known that the earthbender liked to mess around and make quips that he didn't find especially amusing, but lately he'd been forced to wonder just how many of the things he'd believed had been said in jest were meant to be taken seriously.
("I heard you were going on some crazy quest and thought it sounded like more fun than hanging around the Caldera."
"Back to Gaoling? No thanks."
"I said, 'he's friends with me, isn't he?'"
"I haven't been anything resembling a lady in a long time."
"That betrothal ceremony felt pretty real to me."
"Do you think Zuko misses her? Azula, I mean?"
"The best thing my father ever did for me was sell me off. He got me out."
"We can make do with a simple wedding and some paperwork.")
"A date, huh?" Zuko wasn't entirely clear on what such a thing would entail, but it couldn't be any worse than the disaster-storm his life had been over the past few years, right?
He had been wrong. It was much, much worse.
"What are you wearing?" Zuko asked as Lady Toph came out of the apartment to meet them.
"I look ridiculous, I knew it," she said, sighing. "I mentioned to Yin that I was going out tonight, and she insisted I borrow her dress. I tried telling her my regular clothes would be fine, but you know how she is."
"That dress looks lovely on you, Lin Yu," Uncle said. "Don't you think so, nephew?"
"Um… yes, you look f-fine," Zuko stuttered.
"One of these days, Sparky, you're going to remember that I can always tell when you're lying," Toph said. "I'm going to change."
"Absolutely not!" Uncle Iroh stepped in front of the door. "The two of you are going to go out, and you're going to have a nice time. Understood?" Zuko heard the lock click behind him.
Lady Toph was right- Zuko had lied.
It wasn't as though she had never worn a dress before. But the last time he could recall seeing her in such a thing, she couldn't have been older than nine or ten years old.
(She certainly didn't look nine now.)
Uncle had been wrong. Lovely was a word to describe the sea on a starry night, or a field of fire-lilies, or the calligraphy of a master scribe- things that were objectively nice to look at, but he'd never found to evoke any particularly strong emotions. Lady Toph wasn't lovely.
No, looking at her now reminded him of the sunrise after a polar night, or that light he'd seen at the south pole, or the first flame he could ever remember bending- things that were important not because of how they looked, but because of how they felt: as though a hole inside of him he hadn't noticed until then was about to be filled.
It wasn't a very comfortable sensation.
"Careful!" Lady Toph said, pulling him out of the way just as he was about to walk into a wall. "Jeez, dunderhead, what is this, the blind leading the blind?"
Toph wasn't sure what had been going on with Zuko lately, but she didn't like it.
He'd been a little spacey ever since her birthday, but tonight was just something else. Sparky could be clumsy and scatterbrained at times, not to mention hyper focused on the whole Avatar-hunting thing, but he'd always had keen instincts- it wasn't like him to just walk into things, or trip on thin air, not unless he was distracted by something important.
Aw, man, Twinkletoes isn't around here, right?
They'd reached the restaurant, and she'd had to shake him three times before he pulled out of his thoughts long enough to order. And when their food finally came, he picked at it listlessly, clearly not listening to a word she was saying.
What was happening here? She'd thought it might be nice to get out for a night, thought it might be fun, maybe cheer Zuko up a bit.
But that wasn't what was happening. He was acting like… like… some polite stranger.
It's as though we're back at one of those stupid tea parties. Which was ridiculous. They weren't strangers at some awkwardly chaperoned meeting, they were friends.
"Alright, that is it!" Toph said, getting up and throwing a couple of coins onto the table. "Come on, Li. Let's get out of here."
Zuko wasn't sure what was going on (story of his life). They'd been having a perfectly calm, normal meal, when Lady Toph had suddenly marched over, yanked him out of his seat, and dragged him out of the restaurant. And now she was leading him somewhere, her fingers gripped tightly around his wrist as they walked through the streets of the lower ring, her deliberate footsteps telling him that she knew exactly where she was going.
"Is something wrong?" She seemed… off, somehow. Not angry, exactly, but she clearly wasn't happy. "Where are you taking me?"
"Jeez, Sparky, what's all the questions?" Her voice had switched to a light, teasing tone. "Just wait and see!" They kept walking.
He heard it before he saw it. Several musicians playing in harmony, combining to create a lively tune he didn't recognize. As they got closer, he could distinguish the sounds of the individual instruments. Pipa, liuqin, ruan… and is that a morin khuur?
They turned the last corner, revealing a fountain surrounded by glowing lanterns. The flickering flames reflected in the pool. Across the plaza, there was a band playing, and several people were standing around, smiling and laughing happily. There were even a few people moving around in a strange manner he didn't recognize… what were they doing?
"Alright, let's do something fun," Toph said, dragging him closer to the fountain. She let go of his wrist, taking his hands into hers. And then she was moving, feet bouncing, arms swinging, hands keeping a loose grip on his. He looked around, noticing that her motions resembled those of some of the others who were nearby. But what was it? "Come on, dance with me?"
Dancing? This was nothing like the rigid, practiced movements he associated with the idea of dancing. Toph's movements weren't stiff or formal or even especially graceful- if she were anyone else, he'd say she just looked silly.
This is ridiculous.
For a moment, Zuko was tempted to let go of her hands and storm off. He hadn't even wanted to go out tonight, and now Toph was clearly trying to make a fool out of him.
But there was a smile on her face, and the light of the lanterns revealed a shine in her eyes he couldn't remember seeing before.
"Fine," he groaned, allowing himself to be pulled along into one of these… dances.
Sparky was… really bad at this. His feet shuffled along, completely out of tandem with his arms, which he didn't seem to know what to do with.
"Seriously, haven't you ever danced before?" Toph sighed.
"Not… like this," he said. "How do you even do this?"
"Okay, listen to the music," she said. "Come on, just copy what I do."
To his credit, he tried. He really did.
Unfortunately, as they were spinning around, Zuko ended up with his back facing the fountain, and then he slipped on a stray pebble, and they were still holding hands, and the next thing she knew…
Iroh opened the door, smiling widely.
"You're back early! How was your-" He froze, taking in the two sopping wet teenagers standing in front of him. "Oh, you two must be freezing! Come inside, change into something warm. What happened?"
He carefully assessed their expressions. Zuko seemed annoyed, while Toph was clearly trying to hold back a laugh.
Must not have been anything too bad. Iroh had heard a rumor that the Avatar was somewhere in the city, and his first thought was that they'd had a run-in with the boy or the waterbender he travelled with, but that didn't seem to be the case.
"-I don't even know what that was supposed to be!" Zuko was saying, throwing his hands in the air. "It didn't look like any sort of dancing I'd ever seen."
"Lighten up, would you?" Toph replied, heading towards her room. "It's almost like you've never had a real date before."
"Oh, and you have?" Zuko threw back at her now-closed door.
Iroh noticed that he didn't deny that the outing had been a date.
Interesting.
"You too," the former general said, shooing his nephew towards their shared room. "We wouldn't want you to get sick."
"Relax, old man," Zuko said, but there was no real annoyance in it. He walked into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Did you at least have a nice time?" There was no response. Iroh sighed, heading towards the kitchen to prepare a pot of tea to warm them up.
Just then, the door cracked open, and Zuko's voice slipped out.
"I… think I did."
"I could go anywhere with you and I'd probably be happy."
- Bright Eyes, "First Day of My Life"
