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Am I Beautiful?

Chapter 2

"Mikasa?"

Mikasa awakes to the sound of apt, yet still gentle, knocks on her door. It's a knock so peculiarly Armin; kind and considerate, but still prompt when he must be. Not wanting to inconvenience him, she rises sluggishly from bed. Her head spins a tad as she stands, dizzying her. She places a palm to her forehead in attempts to level up and she shuts her eyes for some ease, only to be shot with fuzzy memories of last night.

"Right. The bar," she scowls to herself, remembering she stayed drowning her feelings in cheap booze much longer than intended. She even reeks of it and makes a foul face. What was she drinking about again? Mikasa closes her eyes and thinks hard. Right, her parents. Then what happened? Armin left. Then Levi came. Then –

Her eyes shot open. Levi. It slowly comes back, the once blurred images focusing to clear ones. She remembers his thumb streaking across her cheek, the humor in his snarky remarks, the way his bangs draped over his steel cut eyes when he leaned in close, his distinct scent of sandalwood and soap swirling around the spiced aroma emitting from the glass, their warmth when their lips touched, their -

Wait.

What.

Lips?

Mikasa nearly stumbles, feeling suddenly weak in the knees. She stays glued at the spot, Armin's knocking becoming more and more muted. A slightly trembling finger reaches to touch her lips, and in an instant, her face reddens feverishly at the flashing image and returning sensation of Levi's lips caressing hers invading her mind. He remembers him pulling her back, his hand gripping her hair, the lack of air as their mouths collided, how soft he was on her mouth – they keep coming and she can't shut them out. She holds her with both hands, eyes widening.

"N-no way…Did I…Did we…?"

This can't be real. There is no way in Titan hell that she kissed that man, her superior, no less. Her first kiss! First! And intoxicated while at it? No, not her. She isn't one to ever let her guard down, especially not in a humiliating fashion such as that. Yes, yes, of course, that's right. Definitely not her. Impossible. It must've been a dream. A silly dream. A hallucination from all the drinking. That's it. A gentle swell of relief rolls over on her nerves as she calms herself down with her pep talk. She lets out an awkward laugh, trying hard to ignore her delusion.

"You're good," Mikasa whispers her reassurances, taking deep breaths to quiet the inner thumps against her chest, "You're fine. Nothing happened. He just came to check on you, we shared my drink, and I went back to my room." Another halt in her throat, the gentle wave now crashing violently, "Wait, how'd I get back here…?"

"Mikasa, are you awake?"

She jumps at the sound of Armin's voice. Shit, how long did she keep him waiting? She scurries to the door and opens it, revealing her blond friend masked with concern whilst holding a thoughtful tray of toast, jam, and tea.

"Armin, good morning," Mikasa breathes out, stepping aside to let him in.

Armin walks in and turns to her as she closes the door, "Good afternoon, Mikasa. You missed breakfast, so I got worried. Here, let's sit, I saved you some. You need to eat to help cease the alcohol in your system."

He approaches her bed and sits, motioning her to do the same. Mikasa blinks and looks out the window. The sun was indeed high up and way past morning hours. She sits next to him and accepts the tray he hands to her. Armin epitomes an angel. She reminds herself how grateful she is for him and their friendship before taking the knife to spread the jam on her toast.

"Thank you, Armin."

"It's not like you to sleep in," he says, "How long did you stay last night? What do you remember?"

"I honestly don't remember," Mikasa replies slowly, her thoughts just floating around her head like scattered feathers in a breeze, "I don't remember much after you left. Captain joined me, small talk here and there."

"Small talk," he repeats slowly, furrowing his eyebrows a bit in wariness, a look he portrays well when he knows there's more to the story, "Anything else?"

Mikasa shakes her head, "No. Why?"

"How about how you got back to your room?"

She blinks dumbfoundedly, not really know how to answer that because she didn't even know herself. Again she shakes her head no. Her heart starts wavering at her guess on the mystery. Because if she was correct in her assumption, that a certain someone with whom she had shared her drink took her back and may have even brought her to bed, then she's in for a world of manic. There's an odd shift in Armin's body language. He squirms a bit and massages his hands. His eyes move left and right at nothing, then at her, then to the ceiling, then to his hands. She sighs. Mikasa has been with Armin long enough to know that he was holding back from saying something that would upset her but still had to be said. She takes a sip of tea to prepare herself.

"What do you need to tell me, Armin?"

"I don't mean to pry, I really don't, it really was by accident, and-and I know I probably shouldn't even say anything, but you're my best friend and I only want what's best for you, b-but you should know too that there's um, well, how do I put this, consequences – no, not consequences, more like dangers, ah no wait, that sounds worse, maybe things you need to look out for because I'm not trying to stop you from finding joy, I just worry, um-"

His anxious rambling is rubbing off on her and she nearly begs for him to spit it out and get the damage over with, "Armin!"

"…I saw you kiss Captain."

Mikasa coughs, feeling the tea travel back up from the shock. Her eyes widen as Armin looks at her apologetically with an embarrassed tint on his face. Her world is shaking, and this time, not from intruding Titans crashing into their walls. It's worse. She nearly spills the entire cup as she slams it back down on the tray. "It wasn't a dream?!"

"Armin, that's not funny." Her eyes are in a panic.

"I'm not kidding, Mikasa! I-I went back to check on you since I got worried, but when I went, Captain was there with you, and you both were…well, you know."

There was never a moment that Mikasa wished for a Titan to crash through the wall, grab her mercilessly, and squish her with all its might until her every bit of her bloody guts spill right out in its hands…until right now. And to find out that it was her who started it; Mikasa feels like she's melting in the worst way possible. "My first kiss was Captain Levi…?!" She feels overwhelmed; embarrassment, disbelief, shock, confusion, and damn it all, even a little giddy and aroused. Armin's expression isn't making calming down any easier either, his face just as flustered. She sets aside the tray and buries her face in both her hands, face blazing through her palms.

"I can't believe this," Mikasa groans, "I really can't believe this."

"He even carried you to your room," Armin adds cautiously, though his caution is to no avail, "That's what I'm worried about, Mikasa. Did…Did anything else happen when he brought you to your room?"

Mikasa knows immediately what Armin was implying, and if her face was burning holes through her hands then, it certainly is now. A new, fantasized image of Levi carrying her and being in his arms flashes in her mind, and she's certain now her rapid heartbeat will be the death of her. She jerks her hands off her face like she had just touched a hot kettle, and stares at Armin with wide eyes and an even wider range of distress. Mikasa is no liar. The truth forcing her memories to come back rendered no other memory from last night beyond her and Levi's little exchange. She can't confirm nor deny, and it frustrates her.

"I…I don't know."

Armin is shocked, clearly, but he quickly subsides into a more serious manner, a stern look on his face as he speaks, "You need to talk to him about it for a peace of mind. It's not fair for you if you don't know what else happened. I highly doubt Captain is the kind of guy to make unsolicited advancements, but just to be safe, you must talk to him. He won't lie."

Mikasa's nerves set ablaze at the mere idea of doing anything more than kissing Levi. That in itself is enough to burn her to the ground, if she's not there already. But Armin is right. The possibility of being touched intimately without consent is terrifying, and while there is absolutely no doubt in her mind that Levi would never partake in such a cruel, forbidding act, she needs solid clarification. The truth. For a peace of mind, as Armin said. Mikasa sighs dejectedly, knowing she has no other choice but to face this mess head on.

"How do I even go about this?"

Armin places a supportive hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, "You're no coward, especially with him. Don't start now."

But a coward she is.

After her chat with Armin, instead of seeking after her captain for the very much required confrontation like she is supposed to, she stalls as much as much as she can before having to retreat for a mandatory class lecture for the scouts led by Hange. She is certain that Levi will not be there to observe, since he has been occupied on ODM gear training with the newer recruits, a skill she thankfully already mastered. His training being outside will buy her enough time to at least get to the classroom without him noticing. She can't face him. Not yet. At least not until she calms her mind and thinks thoroughly of how to talk to him. It she was she who owes an explanation, after all. Mikasa takes a deep breath and leaves her room and heads to class. She succeeds.

For now.


"Oi."

Levi immediately catches the way Mikasa's shoulders tense up at the sound of his voice. She doesn't turn around. He knows she's avoiding him.

He knew the second he caught her eye during her cleaning duty earlier this afternoon, where she accidentally met his intentional stare, and then in a panic, nearly tripped over the broom she was using to turn away. He only intended to observe the cleanliness of her efforts, not scare her. Energy already depleted from earlier tasks, he didn't approach. Levi rolled his eyes then, thinking that if she was to ignore him, at least make it less obvious. He figured she'll come around eventually.

But ever the impatient man, he found himself intuitively searching for her throughout the day. He caught her avoiding him more times than once; at training, at dinner, at meetings, at every possible spot they would share space. He was reluctant to be the first to bring up the uneasy topic of their little act yesterday, as he's aware of how it appears from the outside looking in and he isn't quite keen on the idea of being called a pervert, but he's also not the one to play hide-and-seek. Delaying confrontation never solves the problem from his experience, and he'd rather not have this unsettling tension between him and his best solider linger on forever, especially when their teamwork is most necessary in the battlefield. Priding himself for being a tad more mature, because of course everything just has to be a competition between the two Ackermans, he felt confident in his decision to bring it up first.

Mikasa still doesn't turn. Her back is to him, sitting frozen on the grass facing the quiet riverbend. He knew he'd find her here; a humble, nature-filled space just far enough from the headquarters to find solace alone in times of stress and not be outed for leaving site. He's caught her a handful of times before, although usually at night when most of the building's getting ready for bed.

But now, it is sunset hour, and he sees her hair drift in the slight breeze, the warm hue contrasting with her hair and the bare back of her neck rendering him breathless. He walks over to her slowly as to not startle her and then sits beside her, eyes also facing the glistening riverbend. From his peripheral vision, he can see that she's still facing forward, clearly trying hard to ignore his presence for as long as she could. He also notices the faint blush on her cheeks, appearing more vibrant in the sunlight. He knows she's embarrassed, he expects as much, but what he almost forgets about is her stubbornness. Far too many seconds pass of her not acknowledging him, so he finally initiates.

"Is there a reason you're avoiding me, Ackerman?"

No response. Expected, but still irritating. His patience runs thin, as it always does with this difficult woman. He turns his body to her.

"Oi, gloomy brat. I don't talk to myself."

"Captain, please," she mumbles almost beggingly as she brings her knees up to hug and hide her face, "I'm composing my thoughts."

Levi notices the same flush from her cheeks travel to her exposed neck as her hair slips down with her head. She lifts up her head slightly to where only her eyes are exposed. She side glances at him for millisecond before hiding her face once more. He twitches, torn between wanting to roll his eyes or smirk humorously. As irritating as her actions are sometimes, he can't deny the entertainment it gives him. Levi enjoys flustering her in more ways than he'd like to admit.

"Just spit it out," he says, and again after more silence, he starts to demand in his usual authoritative tone, "Now." She starts to talk, but the sound of her voice is muffled entirely from her knees that he can't hear a damn word and his tolerance dies at last, "Dammit brat, put your head up and face me properly."

"Before I pull up your stubborn head myself," he wants to continue, but he bites his tongue. Mikasa huffs before ever so slowly raising her head back up and turning her body to face him. They now sit facing each other. He can tell she's trying to appear apathetic, but the soft red hue across her face betrays her. She's also avoiding eye contact, with her eyes glued to her hands that rest politely on her lap.

"About last night…"

"What about it?"

His face is stoic, but his inner self is grinning. He's fully aware he's teasing her to partially see how much he can push her buttons until she barks back and just flat out says what she needs to say, but mostly because he simply enjoys the frustrated expressions she makes. Levi doesn't negate his mischievousness. And as he expected, Mikasa fidgets uncomfortably and gives him a foiling look. At least she's finally meeting his eyes.

"Did we kiss?"

"Yes."

The way her body stiffened at his answer made it clear that she wasn't expecting that fast of an answer, let alone the answer in itself. The red never leaves her cheeks, highlighting her features more vividly as the sun starts to set on her skin. He wonders how far the red goes.

"How did that happen?" she asks, voice small, "What exactly happened last night?"

Levi is direct, "You asked me if you were beautiful, I said yes, and then you kissed me. I kissed back. Then I took you to your room."

Now Mikasa makes her emotions obvious; her face masked with a mixture of humiliation and irritation. He's relishing in the looks she gives him. The effects he has on her is sinfully satisfying to him. She scrunches her brow. Her glare is childish. Levi can tell she wants to yell at him, but is restricting herself, poorly while at it. He fights a grin. He shouldn't be enjoying himself this much, but here he is.

"D-did anything else happen after that?" Mikasa's eyes blink down, clearly avoiding his stare, "After…my room…"

The deepening red on her features implies that there is more to her question, and Levi gets a read on it right away. It takes him by surprise, and there's a small part of him that feels insulted by the indication, but he can't and doesn't blame her. A drunk woman with no memory of a man taking her to her room is not a matter to be taken lightly, nor disregarded. She must have woken up confused and outright terrified at the possibility of being taken advantage of, and Levi is quick to clear his name. He is a jerk, undeniably so, but he's no scum.

"If you're asking me if we had sex, the answer's no. Sorry to disappoint."

His humor flies over Mikasa's head and she glares at him, cheeks ablaze.

"How can you say all of this so calmly?" she exasperates frustratingly. Her gaze stays on his for a second before it shifts down again, and unless his eyes deceives him, he swears she's pouting, "How do you look so unbothered?"

He's almost ashamed of how much her frustration stimulates him. Almost. Not really.

"Because walking around eggshells will only make it more troublesome to deal with," Levi responds awfully nonchalant, "And because it's not a big deal."

But then there's a shift in the atmosphere; a heavy, solemn one, like a dark cloud hovering over them, weathering a storm. It's when her face falls pitifully that Levi realizes he took it too far.

Mikasa frowns at his tone, looking down now at her fidgeting hands. "I know it may be nothing to you, but that was my first, so it means a bit more to me…"

The tables have turned and now Levi is the one on the other end frozen. "Wait, what?" he gapes. The beats of his heart grow anxious at the possibility that he quite literally stole her first kiss. Not that he wouldn't like the honor, he'd quite love it in fact, but to joke around something like this when he's fully aware of her sensitivity towards it is a low blow, even for him. Because although she kissed him first, unlike her, he was sober. Sober enough to know that the woman in front of him was drunk, not completely conscious of her actions, and because of that, he had no right to lure her in knowing she'd helplessly cave to the temptation. He knew what he was doing, and to rob her experience of a kiss, her first fucking kiss, for his own greedy desires is beyond unforgiveable, whether he knew it was her first or not.

"First what?" he still asks; slowly, carefully, nervously. Perhaps he is mistaken.

Nope, regrettably he's not. It's in the way that Mikasa refuses to meet his eyes and drops her head lower that he recognizes his fault. The red was most poignant on her ears, and her fingers still meddled nervously on her lap, pulling at lint that isn't even there. Her body language screams that she's embarrassed beyond compare, and suddenly he feels like a dick, another rarity that only she can provoke out of him. "Shit." He knows her answer. She doesn't need to say it. He shouldn't let her say it. It's time to stop the self-indulgent discomfort he's causing. He facepalms and takes a deep breath. So much for being the 'tad more mature' one. Old habits really do die hard.

He feels an unusual sting of guilt. She felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him, to confess her longing for a genuine love because she's tired of being seen as a commodity. Yet, here he is, toying, being no different than those he just criticized and regarded as spineless pigs and, worse yet, being no different than Eren.

His hand drags down his face hard and slow as he lets out the breath in defeat, "Mikasa, look, I'm sorry. I'm not good with words. I'm too blunt for my own good, but I meant no harm with what I said. I didn't mean to undermine your feelings. Forgive me."

Mikasa quickly looks up in surprise at his last statement, and to be honest, he is equally surprised himself. Since when did he, humanity's strongest solider who knows no mercy, ask anyone for forgiveness? Let alone apologize for hurting someone's feelings and openly admit his flaws?

Something glimmers in Mikasa's eyes, and he before he notices that it's just the reflection of the golden waters streaming past them as the sun becomes closer to setting, he believes it to be something of anticipation and it shocks him. Another pang of admiration ripples through his body, causing huge waves of emotion to crash onto the stones of his heart. Emotions that Mikasa, and only Mikasa, can pull out of him. Ah, that's why. Because she isn't just 'someone' to him. She never was and never will be.

"It's okay," she responds slowly, snapping him out of his trance, "I'm sorry for what I did. It was out of line and must've been so awkward."

He can't help his snort.

"I can assure you, it was everything but," he again says too casually, and he ogles at the way her face flushes, "Don't worry about it."

She nods and slowly turns her body back towards the riverbend, knees up in front of her. He turns as well. The sun is slowly disappearing, the round beam of light sinking behind the giant walls from a distance. Mikasa is silent for a while, and before Levi could claim this mission of clearing things up a success, she speaks and again throws him off guard.

"You said I was beautiful?"

He quickly twists his head to her, stunned, but more so amused from the question. Levi's hope of coming out of this conversation unscathed is long gone, though he'd be lying if he said he didn't expect it. It's Mikasa, the most stubborn soldier in his squad. Of course she'd push. This moment is no different, and after hurting her feelings, he tells himself he at least owes her his explanations to compensate for his shitty way of handling things.

He thinks back to last night. He did call her beautiful. When she asked him, his answer came out so naturally, as though he's pointing out the obvious. Which he was. A strange mix of frustration and disappointment pulls at him, bothered by the fact that Mikasa is blind to her own beauty, when she quite literally is the embodiment of true attraction. He assumes Eren's a good chunk of the reason why, and he curses the asshole in every vulgar phrase he knows. Mikasa is the most beautiful woman that Levi has ever had to privilege to lay eyes on, and if there actually is a Divinity in this godforsaken, war-heavy world, he'd thank it for letting him be born in the same lifetime as Mikasa Ackerman. Beautiful, actually, isn't enough to describe her, because she's beyond that. Hence, why he told her last night that it is an understatement to describe her as such. He wanted to assure her of her beauty then, and he still wants to assure her now.

"I did."

Mikasa hugs her knees close to herself. Her head now faces him as she rests it atop of her knees, and Levi catches the small, timid smile that arrives on her lips. Her stare is gentle, but he doesn't miss the faint clouds of doubt that blocks the natural purity of her eyes.

"Did you really mean it?"

He admires her valor for not looking away this time. More than wanting to assure her, he wants to make sure she believes it. Believes him. So once more, he speaks his truth.

"Yes. And when I told you that you are more valuable than you think, I meant every word. Everything I told you last night was the truth."

He pauses for a moment, debating if he should say what he truly wants to admit. Her smile grows and he decides fuck it. It was never up for debate to begin with.

"I care about you. I always have," he then ruffles her hair playfully, as though to quickly mask the discomfiture of exposing this softer side of him, "Now are you going to stop doubting me or do I have to write you up for insubordination?"

Her eyes briefly raises, and the tint on her cheeks deepens into the shade he came to adore. She sighs of relief before giggling lightheartedly. It sounds like heaven. Heaven it may as well be, with her gleaming in front of him, the breeze light and cozy, the glistening of the last sun rays on the river matching the sparkles in her eyes, only the serene sounds of streaming water, rustling leaves, and singing birds keeping them company. He cherishes the moment, not wanting to take sitting beside her like two normal humans enjoying each other for granted, as it may never happen again.

Levi is very much aware of how wrong their relationship would look in the eyes of duty. Inappropriate, a more fitting term. A respected superior and his much younger subordinate. Humanity's Strongest Pair. But he is more aware that behind that label forced upon them are just two humans, two lonely humans who so happen to find harmony in each other's presence. What happened last night proves it to be so. Mikasa had told him that once, that being together comforts her, unintentionally revealing his own truth that he always tried to hide and deny. Maybe it was time to stop denying it.

With this, Levi feels content, and he's confident that she is too in the way that she keeps her smile. Her eyes also still remains looking up at him from her knees. Levi puts one knee up and lays his head facing her to better level their eyes. Once their gaze is secure and locked, Levi feels a slight lift on the side of his mouth. He smiles back.


If there is one thing that makes Mikasa fold under his charm, it's his smile. His sporadic, handsome smile that never fails to knock the wind out of her. The warmness it gives her, however, is oddly familiar, and it confuses her because she hasn't seen many of his smiles to even compare it to. Her heart springs up within her when she recognizes it, and she becomes overwhelmed again with emotions, but this time, happier ones.

When she asked if he meant what he said, her nerves were getting the worst of her, amplifying the prior fear that maybe it really was all just an accident. But when Levi again looked at her with the same affectionate eyes her father gave her mother, just as he did the night they kissed, clarification of his response being honest couldn't come easier. He said so himself. He cares about her. She doesn't have to wonder anymore. She's glad the memories came back to her as she sobered up, because the feeling of Levi addressing her as a person worth loving is one she never wants to forget.

"Thank you," Mikasa says with a heart filled with gratefulness, "For saying that, for keeping me company last night, and for taking care of me. Armin told me he saw you carry me back to my room."

The way his eyes give her the most questionable, dumbstricken look throws Mikasa completely off guard. It quickly fades, though, and he's back to his usual, calm demeanor. He lets out a short chuckle.

"Tch. It seems my sense of awareness needs some fine tuning," he says, "Alert saw?"

She knows by Levi's pacified yet curious tone that he's asking if Armin saw more than just him carrying her. If he saw everything. If he saw them kiss. Mikasa's face reddens again, and she gives him an apologetic smile before nodding in reply. He jeers in annoyance, but a hint of wit comes from that small grin of his.

"Sneaky bastard. I'll have him clean shit for a month for spying on his superior."

Mikasa laughs, feeling the comfort of their dynamic from his foul mouth. She sits up straight and turns her body back to face him. "You're cruel, Captain."

He smirks as he follows suit, "Flattery gets your nowhere, Ackerman."

But yet, it is flattery that got them here. The desire to want to hear him call her beautiful again creeps on her. She looks into his eyes and hopes that he sees the silent plea that glistens in them, the plea that begs for him to say it to her again, but this time, into sober ears. She's determined to get it out of him somehow.

A small curve of her lips slowly form, and then she gives him a playful pout. Mikasa is quick to notice the rise in Levi's brow, and the very faint pink that spreads from his ears across to his cheeks. She thinks with pride that she has the upper hand. He scoffs with humored exasperation, and his eyes are now darkening with wicked amusement, and the way it deepens warns her that he knows what's she's doing. She's playing a dangerous game, and Levi's a quick learner.

The tip of their fingers slightly brush as he turns and moves closer, leaning forward with that smirk still pasted on his mouth. It seems he's up for the challenge. He gently moves the strand of hair in between her eyes and tucks it behind her ear. He does not withdraw his hand and she feels his palm hovering on her cheek. An abrupt, exhilarating thrill rushes through every inch of her. He's trying to distract her with these subtle movements that makes her heart race. Mikasa wonders if he's oblivious to the effects he has on her by the way he can touch her so easily, and if he ever gets the nervous the way she does whenever they're this close, but she must not falter. She's determined to get her way. Because she will. She won't lose.

"It seems you have something to say," Levi murmurs daringly.

"You say flattery gets you nowhere," Mikasa can no longer fight the excited, childish grin on face, "Yet it led you straight to me. Am I wrong?"

Mikasa can tell she got him tongue tied, and she quickly takes advantage of this rare victory by resting her head into his touch. This odd excitement that only Levi can rouse out of her is becoming too much to bear. She moves herself even closer and kneels before him, leaning in, and holding herself upright on her palms on either side of his slightly bent legs. Her eyes glue onto his. Only mere inches in between where their breaths mingled. Though notably intrigued, he stays composed. Does anything at all make this man waver?

"Tell me what you said," Mikasa whispers, her tone filled with want.

Her actions are bold, but the way her heart thumps against her chest and her throat betrays her confidence and makes her feel shy. Especially when he looks at her with what she so badly wants to believe is the compassion that mirrors her own, like he is now.

"Don't make me say it again, you brat."

He's fighting back a smile, Mikasa notices by the twitch on the edge of his lips, and she keeps going, not wanting to ruin the momentum.

"Hmm?" she still teases, standing her ground, "Say what, Captain?"

But her ground starts shaking. The cunning look in Levi's eyes creates faults underneath her feet, and she's hazardously close to falling through the cracks. They're both competitive in nature, specifically with each other, and Levi is very adamant on making sure that he's the one who has the last jab. Very, very adamant. His hand slowly slides from her cheek to her jaw, his fingers then gently raising her chin to better meet his glowering, fiery eyes. Mikasa's breath hitches slightly at the sight. He reaches to softly stroke her cheek with the back of his free hand with a touch so delicate, so kind, so intimately Levi. She prepares for her surrender of this losing battle. But he's not one to win by default.

Levi smiles and speaks tenderly, as though every word a precious one:

"That you are very beautiful, Mikasa. In all ways."

Into the cracks she falls. Her arms feel jelly-like as she struggles to keep herself up, utterly dazed by his words. Her heart leaps and she thinks she'll choke on air. Mikasa feels her cheeks heat severely into his touch, she's worrying his hand will burn. Beautiful. Very beautiful. He said it, he said it again, just as she desired, yet the way his words, his voice, his presence leaves her breathless in this very moment deems this more a victory on his end. There's something so incredibly enticing in the way her name sounds from his lips, his voice giving it a special ring that both delights and warms her soul. The feeling blankets around her, and for a moment, she forgets how it ever felt to be cold. It's when Levi smiles that smile at her, the smile that confirms that, yes, she indeed is in love with this man, that Mikasa knows it's officially game over for her.

"Oi. I mean it," Levi breaks the silence in a lecturing tone as his fingers trace back to her cheek to pinch it, "In case you're going to be a stubborn brat and ask me again."

She no longer doubts him. There's an unspoken kindness even in the way he playfully touches her, and she damns him for making her feel so childishly giddy.

"Okay, grumpy."

Levi chuckles and she feels his breath hot on her lips. Her mind straightaway dives back to the euphoric, intimate waltz their mouths shared last night; the very dance that brought them here, on her knees, his hands on her face, with the last of the sunset's rays comforting their bodies by the riverbank in the first place. Ecstasy voyages through her blood and she feels herself burning again, this time, in more places than just her cheeks. She's growing aware again of how close they are; her lips in perfect alignment with his, and if she would move in a little bit closer, it'll show just how perfect they fit. Her eyelids sink slowly, feeling the enchantment of his fixation on her. He's not fighting it. Will he really allow it? Her heartbeat starts to pick up; the beats pounding in her ears. Just a little closer.

Levi seems to pick up on her intentions, and Levi wouldn't be Levi if didn't he throw her off her course. She sees the mischievous look in his eyes as he shoots her a sly grin. His hand travels to the back of her head with strong fingers threading into her hair as he lightly pushes her face closer. So close. So very, very close that if she was to so much shiver, their lips would graze. Her eyes flutter down to his mouth and her body tenses; waiting, needing. Finally, he speaks, his voice a hot whisper:

"Tch. Had I known I'd be your first kiss, I would've made it more enjoyable for you."

Mikasa blushes hard at his words, but Levi gives her no more time to react. He flicks her forehead with his fingers, and with a gasp, she stumbles backwards on her bottom. Levi stands to his feet and brushes the dirt off his pants before straightening up and looking down at her in amusement. Mikasa's completely dumbfounded.

"C-captain!" she stammers, looking up at him with big eyes as she rubs the stinging part on her forehead, "What was that fo—"

He cuts her off by extending his hand down to her. She stares at his hand, then back at him, and she freezes in awe when she notices that he's once again smiling that smile; the smile that reminds her of home, the smile she always looks for when she's dejected, that handsome, warm smile that she once believed she can only witness in her imaginings. The look in his eyes are soft, humane, and filled with admiration so deep that she can't help but forgive him for depriving her of what could've been a replay of last night, perhaps even better. She knows Levi enough to be certain that there was a valid reason for him to do so, he has always been vigilant like that, so she trusts him, despite the longing.

She takes his hand and he pulls her up to her feet. A man of surprises, she feels Levi's thumb stroke her knuckles before bringing her hand to his lips. A featherlike kiss touches her skin, and suddenly she's floating on air. Blissful, soothing air that she feels only in her dreams, the joyful dreams of being so in love. To finally feel it in reality is so remarkably heartwarming, she thinks she might cry. Her eyes get glossy, but she refuses to let them fall.

He brings her hand back down but doesn't let go, eyes never breaking free of one another. Levi has this expression written on his face, one she has never seen before in all their years together. If Mikasa hadn't known her captain to always be unapologetically outspoken and – she quotes– too blunt for his own good, she would think that the way Levi's presenting himself right now is…nervous?

He takes a deep breath.

"I want to do right by you," he says quietly, determination overriding the wariness in his tone, "As tempting as you are, Mikasa, I want to do this properly. The way you deserve. If you'll have me."

Mikasa feels the world around her stop, with nothing around them but the sounds of their own heartbeats. She stares at him in confusion, even with a little fear, wondering if she misheard him, if the universe was playing some sort of sick joke on her. She doesn't want to get her hopes too high that Levi – her captain, her superior, her war partner turn emotional equal – actually asking for her. But Levi squeezes her hand gently and places his forehead on hers to directly look into her eyes, assuring her that this is, in fact, not a joke and that's he's very much alive, here, in this moment, asking her to be his.

Mikasa allows the tears to fall this time. She finally feels it, how her mother must have felt under the affectionate gaze of her father, the gaze that carries tremendous gratitude of being able to look and be with someone so beautiful. Pureness emits from Levi's gestures, and she feels so loved. Not shackled by a one-sided devotion by a man who takes her for granted, not lusted over by nameless men who could care less about the heart she wears on her sleeve, but actually, genuinely, fully loved by a man so attentive, so authentic, so…Levi.

Mikasa smiles and nods. Levi at last kisses her then, making her forget why she ever thought she was not beautiful in the first place.

FIN

Thank you for those who took the time to read and review my first ever RivaMika story! I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, and I'm happy to feel so welcomed in the fandom. I meant for this story to be a one-shot, but the train of thoughts just kept going, and before I knew it, there was too many pages and I had no choice but to divide it up lol !

As always, kind reviews are much appreciated, and I look forward to sharing more stories with you guys with this lovely pair in the future! If you can't tell already, I'm a sucker for a tender-hearted Levi :]