As she looked at Bella's motionless body, a feeling of envy ran through her. She could remember her own transformation too well, the never-ending pain that ran through her whole body and drove her to the brink of madness. But when she looked at herself now and what she had already done as a vampire, or rather, who she had already killed, the pain had obviously succeeded in driving her mad. Emmet still joked about how she had almost destroyed the whole house and even if Esme tried with impressive creativity to cover the damage with various art, they were still silent witnesses of the most painful moment of her existence.
All the more amazing was Bella's transformation.
She didn't even flinch, lying there mutely, her small weak heart slowly pumping the poison through her veins where it would engulf the cells. Perhaps it was the fact that she had been almost dead when the poison found its way into her body that spared her the pain?
Or maybe it was just plain unfair.
Lily inwardly gasped. It was a bit cynical that Riley had bitten her just because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now it was Bella's turn and she was sleeping through the hell Lily was going through. Voices came from the first floor and Lily heard the Rosalie and Jacob fighting, as always, over Renesmee. Edward was keeping watch over Bella, probably glad that his baby was being so well cared for. Well, baby was probably the wrong term, the child was growing at a tremendous rate and Carlisle kept meticulous records of every growth and developmental spurt. On the one hand it was the care that drove him, on the other hand, and this was only a guess but it was not so far-fetched, he was fascinated by this unknown new creation.
Lily's curiosity was not so prominent.
The girl was really very adorable and could easily act as a model for any baby product, but Lily was still a bit reluctant. Not that there was much room between Edward, Jacob and Rosalie. It was understandable, for one thing Jacob was completely dependent on her and for another Rosalie projected her unfulfilled desire to have children onto the kid, whom Jacob so affectionately called Nessie.
Esme could hide her devotion a little better and used the rare occasions when Jacob was not here and Rosalie and Edward went hunting to get her hands on the little one. Edward, who could probably hear her desire to care for her, gave her the opportunity as often as he could.
Peace had returned, a circumstance she had never expected. Apparently all problems had been solved. She and Bella were no longer human, so the Volturi had no reason to show their faces here again. Peace had been made with Sam and the pack, and the south ... remained in the south.
As always, however, Lily was wary; if life seemed too good to be true, it probably was.
She watched the family for a few more seconds and then went outside to distract herself a bit. As is often the case, heavy clouds hung over Forks and although it wasn't raining yet, it was only a matter of time before the clouds let loose.
The forest was quiet and the absence of the wolves, given the thus missing stench was also a nice change. One wolf stank enough, Lily thought.
She let her gaze wander and could effortlessly make out the myriad browns and greens of the scenery before her. It was beautiful, and suddenly a wistfulness gripped her.
Was this it?
Sooner or later they would leave Forks, she would take a new name, Lily Cooper would cease to exist and her life would start all over again. Another school or maybe college, another city, another hospital, maybe other cars and another house.
Even though all options were now open to her, it still seemed... Lily couldn't put a better name on it... Dreary.
Would this be her future? To kill time and wait for Carlisle to finish his shift at the local hospital? To hunt, buy new things that had no real value and wait for the next drama?
It almost felt like depression and Lily felt dull. She needed to sort out her thoughts and she certainly couldn't do that here. With one last look, she jumped as far as she could into the dense forest and ran.
Even in a thousand years she would find her way effortlessly. The colors passed her by and as expected, it started to rain. Her cashmere shirt and pants, that's all Alice could talk her into, were already completely soaked and when she was hit by a a sweet scent, she stopped.
Humans.
Three men to be exact.
Lily guessed that they were on the main street, which was not far from her location. The scent was familiar, but she couldn't place it yet. She had been hunting with Jasper that night, so she had little concern about losing control and curiosity won. Carefully she followed the trail until she heard voices.
"I don't know. Yes. No. Yes, I understand that but what should I do? Carlisle, yes the doctor, thinks she's sick. I don't know. Rene.. Yes-. What do you want me to do?!"
Chief Swan rubbed his forehead wearily.
He stood a little apart from the two other police officers and spoke tiredly into the phone in his hand. The connection was poor, as it was in many places in Forks, and Lily could only dimly make out the voice on the other end of the line. It was probably Bella's mother, who was talking to him in an agitated whiny tone.
Lily moved away unobtrusively and shook her head.
She had known Chief Swan since she was a small child. Thanks to her father, he was a frequent visitor and she had more to do with him than she would have liked. He was always kind and polite, had always tried to protect her, and Lily was convinced he had a good heart.
He didn't deserve this, nor did Bella's mother, who was obviously worried.
Would she had said goodbye to her father, would she have known where he was? Lily wasn't so sure, but she could't compare the two men. The chief had always taken care of his family as best he could. He couldn't be compared to the sad existence that was her father. She knew Carlisle was just trying to stale time, but what was the end of the story? Would he eventually call him and say she had died? Of some rare disease?
They would probably have no trouble falsifying the medical records and eventually bury an empty coffin. Forks would grieve and life would go on but did he deserve that?
Again her head buzzed, apparently the recent drama had finally caught up with her.
Lily took off again, leaving the chief behind. It wasn't long before she saw a familiar sight.
Her cabin.
It was still standing.
Due to her absence, nature had reclaimed some of the space, but otherwise it looked the same as always. She took a deep breath and the familiarity befuddled her. Carefully she opened the lock, someone had locked it to keep out prowlers, and Lily had to laugh. In all these years no one had ever come here, and even if they had, it would be easy to get into the cabin. Apparently the game had become so cautious since the appearance of the Cullens that the hunters had to travel farther to avoid coming home empty-handed. The pack of huge wolves, probably also had its contribution.
A pale glow of light fell in over the dim window, her eyes didn't need it anyway, because she saw everything in a clarity that was unparalleled. The bed was made and everything was relatively clean. She could smell mice, but the smell was contained. It was granted to them, after all, she had also sought shelter here once.
As she dropped onto the mattress, it creaked under her weight and her mouth inevitably twisted into a grin. Alex could imitate the sound perfectly. Fine dust particles had been stirred up and Lily watched them glitter and shimmer in the glow of the light. Her hands felt the mattress and and she closed her eyes.
Her human life was slowly fading, it was unstoppable. Many things she wanted to forget but other memories she did not want to loose.
Alex's face, his dimples, his bright eyes, his laughter.
The rain pelted the roof and thanks to the insulation Emmet had put in place, the sound was muffled but still spread a pleasant rhythm.
She thought of Carlisle, of the countless nights they spent here. She thought of how she had always fought sleep to spend as much time with him as possible, and of the fear that he would leave her. She remembered vaguely the dreams she had of him and sighed. Of all the things she missed, the ability to dream was definitely in the top 5. She longed for the rest she would get. The world would be quiet for some time. Would she dream about Alex? Would she dream about what she had done? For sure, she would be dreaming of Carlisle, that much was certain.
In a weak moment, she cursed the damn deer Alex was trying to avoid. She cursed the car, which was spinning out of control, and she cursed the impact that had taken Alex from her.
What would he think about the whole thing? Probably he would laugh at her first. Vampires, a hybrid child, wolves- Alex would have shaken his head and laugh it off.
He would ask her if she had been smoking that cheap stuff from Port Angeles again.
Though her heart grew heavy, she couldn't even cry. She didn't even want to imagine what Alex would say about her life now, it was also very hard to gauge. But one thing she was sure of, Alex would never abandon his family, his parents, the way Bella did. He would not be able to bear to leave his mother and father in the dark only to confront them with his false death.
Lily wasn't a mother but she was pretty sure that for normal parents, not the ones she had, losing their own child was probably the worst thing that could happen to them. It seemed that no one cared. The Cullens were so happy about the child and Bellas transormation, that the forgot the price the new life had. Did she want to be part of a family like that? One that was so careless about people's suffering?
A scent snapped her out of her thoughts. She inhaled it deeply and opened her eyes. Although she knew he knew she had already smelled him, he knocked.
Always a gentleman.
She played along and opened the door. Inevitably, she remembered the last time she had seen him open the door completely soaked. At that time her heart was still beating, her knee ached and her stomach growled with hunger. How much things had changed for her. Yet he looked just as irresistible as he had then. His blond curls were drenched and hung partially in his face, his features were fine and graceful, even if he had now lost that unnatural perfection, he still looked as if he had escaped from Olympus. His eyes were like liquid gold, looking at her uncertainly and entire sight, was so beautifully tragic, it tore at her heart.
"Do you wand to be alone?"
His voice was soft and shy, as if he was afraid of her, or rather, her answer. Carlisle was truly one of the most beautiful creations there was on earth. Lily looked at him silently, fighting back the inevitable instinct to drag him into the cabin and touch him. Did she want to be alone? Was this her destiny?
