Randy getting his soul sucked out of his gooch by a dementor. "Last time on Survivor… we gave them hoes cars not to smash up." Ginny bopped to her music.

"Albus somehow won a new Tesla and took the old Slytherins to a quaint picnic." Flashback of Draco having a boner in the back.

"This gave Ginny some sour grapes as Cho tried to enact feminism against the only man eligible to be voted for." Randy gets butt fucked by the dementor.

"Cho's plan flopped, and she was sent to the jury. Five are left. Who will be voted out tonight?" Voldemort comes over to kiss Randy straight on the mouth.

Magic Tribe

Night 15


Lavender spills into camp in shambles.

"I'm self-destructing!" She sobs into her coconut rice bowl, "I didn't think I could vote out Cho like that. I'm a bad person."

Ginny looks on in bewilderment.

"Girl, get a grip, get a life, and get over it. Cho isn't dead." A jovial gong is hit as Ginny rolls her eyes.

" Students, our fire is out. Let me teach you all a spell."

Hermione skips over, "Yes, I love learning so much!"

"The spell is flaminghomotronus!" Albus flicks his wrist, and fire shoots out, lighting up the camp.

"Interesting, interesting, so that's flamin-ho-mo-tro-nus?"

"Yes, Ms. Granger, now you try." Hermione smiles wide as she makes the fire burn even brighter.

"Big deal, we'll be home soon enough." Draco huffs.

"Thank you, professor. I'm so cold." Ginny shivers next to Albus.

"I'm perturbed that I was abandoned on the last vote; well, it doesn't matter, this is my island bitch," Hemione laughs as she sits in a tree.

Draco runs off with Lavender into the magical forest.

"Thank you so much," Draco says, which makes Lavender gasp.

"I didn't think I could send home my girl,"

"Well, I'm glad you did," Draco says, noting a banana on a tree.

Lavender rubs her eyes done crying, "Honestly, I knew I could send Cho home. She would have won in the jury against me. I'm just worried that I lost the entire Ravenclaw faction of the jury. I hope Hermione isn't mad at me."

"I am so livid at Lavender." Hermione slams a fist into the sand she's sitting on. "I think I can turn this around."

Slam cut of Hermione and Albus in the shelter. "We need to split up the snakes. One of each house should be in the final four."

Albus hums, "I agree."

Ginny holds her stomach, "oh my god, I'm having the worst diarrhea,"

A shark swims in the water transitionally.

Immunity Challenge

Day 16


Waves smack against jagged rocks—a seal caught in the riptide, blood, and salt mix.

The magic tribe walks along the cliffside to 12 Grimmauld Place. The front door opened into a long hallway lit with gay lamps and a sizeable faggoty chandelier.

Shrunken house-elf heads plaques are mounted on the wall on the stairs in a row. These resembled the final five castaways.

Randy greets them, "Welcome to Sirius Black's house that I stole in the housing crash. Today's immunity challenge is touchy subjects."

"First question, who is the worst Witch/Wizard among you?"

Everyone flips through their answer book and makes inquisitive faces.

"Reveal!" Randy casts a spell.

"Ginny said Draco and everyone else said, Ginny. The correct answer is Ginny. Old Dumbly, start the pecking order."

Albus makes a beeline to a shriveled elf head that looks like Lavender.

Draco attacks Hermione's elf.

In response, Hermione blows up one of Draco's elf heads with her wand.

Making an annoyed face, Lavender picks Albus.

"After the first round, Ginny is untouched, and everyone else is down to two."

"Next question, who do you trust the most with your life?"

Hermione pouts flipping through her nametags as everyone decides their answers.

"Okay, Ginny, Lavender, Hermione, and Albus said Albus. Draco said himself. The correct answer is Professor Dumbledore. Ginny, take your first stab."

She is sheepishly walking over and exploding the second of Hermione's elf's heads with her wand. Ginny giggles.

Albus smacks down Lavender again.

"What the fuck?" Lavender yells at him as she stands there with her hands on her hips.

"So sorry, Albus!" Lavender doesn't look guilty as she hits Dumbledore again.

"I'm getting revenge." Hermione hits Ginny's first head.

"Cheeky update, Ginny and Draco at two, everyone else on their last head. Next question, who is the most annoying?"

Everyone quickly reveals Hermione. "Oh, bugger off!" Hermione shouts.

"Everyone is correct. Ginny, start us off again," She makes her way to the racistly designed elf's head that resembled Hermione's.

"I'm hitting Lavender. Goodbye," Albus announces.

Draco looks awfully uncertain before hitting Ginny down to one.

"Come join me on the bench, bro," Hermione stankly eliminates Ginny.

"I'm gonna let Draco win." Lavender casts a spell to inflate the last of Albus' elf heads and then explode.

"Wow, just like that, Draco has won immunity!" Randy places the necklace around Draco's sleek, twink neck.

He jumps up and down, "Draco, you have a twenty-five percent chance to win this whole game. Everyone else is fair game to go home tonight. All of you have a big decision to make tonight. See ya later."

"My plan tonight is to blindside," Albus says as he gets on his broom. "She's not going to see this coming."

Magic Tribe

Day 16


"I can't believe those stupid girls let me win that challenge." Draco scratches his head, "I don't care about voting. It doesn't affect me."

"Congrats, Draco," Hermione's vocal fry making her sarcasm uncertain.

"Thanks, mud blood,"

Hermione scoffs but takes the racism on the chin.

"I need to flip two people to get out, Ginny." Hermione stands sexily in the middle of camp. "I did tell Albus to vote either Draco or Lavender and hopefully, that bad blood means the votes are on her and not me."

Cutting some coconuts, Lavender looks up at Hermione. "It's time to get rid of her." Hermione glares intently as she dictates the plan.

"Who? I might be able to tell if Ginny had tits, but he's so flat-chested."

"Dinner's ready, everyone!" Albus calls from the fire as he divides up rations for everyone into little seashells.

"Oh, it's time for my girl dinner, which I need to have because I am a woman." Hermione grabs a shell of food first.

"I'm having some bad cramping. Can I see medical?" Lavender gets whisked away by Nurse Gollum.

Devouring three portions, Draco wordlessly fucks off to his confessional.

"Lavender being sick could be beneficial and boost me just enough to the final two or detrimental because that's my Slytherin girl. She's the one I tolerate the most."

Ginny and Professor Dumbledore stand in the water up to their ankles. "We need to target that bitch Hermione." Ginny cuts to the chase.

"We can get Draco on our side," Albus says, scratching his leg.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, you didn't vote out his lover, your brotha, did ya?" Albus laughs as Ginny makes a disgusted face.

Dashing to Draco, who was sunbathing only a few feet away. "Who is the vote?" Ginny says, out of breath from the quick sprint.

"Whatever, I don't care." Draco develops a sick sunburn.

"Can you vote for Hermione?" Whining and pleading, Ginny clasps her hands together.

"Would love to. I hate that cunt."

An owl hoots in the distance.

"Putting faith in Malfoy makes my balls ache," Albus says while he walks down the beach with a stick as a cane. "Lavender and Hermione are both clever girls, and I think if I approached them, they would know not to trust me."

Lavender returns to camp with a goody bag. "Since a lawsuit from season one went through, I brought everyone tampons! It turns out I was just having some period and diarrhea simultaneously."

"Yes, some womanly products for us women." Hermione opens a tampon and sticks it up her nose.

Ginny scowls and brushes her bangs out of her face.

"Students, it's time to head to our next class, tribal council." Announcing as Albus heads over to his torch.

"I. Want. To. Fuck. Them. Up." Serving an up-do, somewhat messy beehive bird's nest hair, Hermione smizes intently at the camera person.

"Everything can change at the last second. I'm so scared," Ginny says, curling up into a ball, grabbing her thick legs in knee-high socks.

Tribal Council

Night 16


The final five drudge their way back to tribal council. Randy's standing there in his black robes. "Let's welcome back our jury, Harry Potter," Harry struts in with his t-shirt over a long-sleeved shirt. "Big Hagrid and Parvati," Hagrid's huge body hides Parvati as she slinks behind him. "Severus Snape, Ron Weasley, and Cho Chang voted out at our last vote." Snape's rocking pigtails as Ron is shirtless for some reason, Cho shockingly dyed her hair blue.

"Alright, Draco won big today. I imagine that might have shifted some of your plans tonight."

"No," Hermione says.

Scoffing, Ginny spits, "Randy, Hermione is too blinded by her transphobia to make a smart decision in this game."

"I've made it this far being a proud biological woman." enunciating stankly Hermione chuckles.

"So, if I'm getting it right, there's too much drama between Ginny and Hermione. Nobody is thinking about who to take to the final two?"

The five all awkwardly look at each other.

Feeling the pressure, Ginny exclaims. "I'm not winning a challenge! Why are you targeting me?"

"The old fart won something twice. What's your point?" Draco yawns.

"That is true, Mr. Malfoy," Randy laughs, "Albus did you expect to be considered a physical threat?"

"I wouldn't say all that. I just happened to be lucky." Fake coughing to seem weaker, Albus blows his nose into his robe.

"Luck is important, but more important is who the jury wants to win. Lavender, you've been awfully quiet."

Getting scared, Lav says, "You make a great point, Randy. The jury is always watching. I just don't know who to vote tonight."

Hermione whips her head around and glares her the fuck down. "Bitch? Ginny's winning. Oh, the poor trans sucked at all the challenges and still made it! That narrative would lock it up."

"I'm not making it that far. Who the fuck is taking me? You can give me third place. I'm begging you to eliminate Hermione because it's the right thing to do. You're condoning her actions." Ginny begins to cry.

"Wow, Draco, what are you basing your vote on tonight?"

"It's a lot of things, I don't like anyone here. Everyone should be scared. Their argument could be a ruse to oust Lavender or Dumbledore. You only need three votes." Draco's immunity necklace shimmers on his chest.

"Potentially only two. It's how I ended Trelawney." Ginny smiles and earns a head nod from Ron.

Randy grunts. "Very true, Ginny. Let's find out who isn't making it to the final episode. Lavender, you're first."

Lavender walks up to the goblet with purple flames. She picks up the marker.

Ginny says, "You think you're all that and a bag of crisps." She holds up her vote for [Hemione]

Hermione "You're going to hell, you evil, vile thing." She votes [Gene]

"Smell you later," Draco's vote is obscured.

"It's almost over," Albus coughs into his hand.

He returns to his seat, and Randy nods and goes to collect the votes.

"I'll read the votes, the first vote."

[Hermione]

"Of course," She sighs.

[Ginny]

Ginny nods

"One vote Hermione and one vote Ginny, three votes left."

[Gene]

"Not my dead name," Ginny harrumphs.

[Hermione]

"The fifteenth person voted out and the seventh member of our jury."

[Ginny]

"You all suck," Ginny says as she grabs her torch.

Shedding a tear, Albus waves goodbye.

"Ginny, the tribe has spoken."

"Yep,"

After Randy snuffs her torch, the smoke billows into the air.

Ginny walks out of the Grand Hall, and as she turns the corner, a man grabs her!

"On Survivor, when battle lines are drawn, it's not about who goes home. It's about who survives and the new lines that are drawn."

Cut to Harry frowning.

Albus makes a pained face as the final four leave.

ON THE FINALE OF SURVIVOR ROOM OF REQUIREMENT

WHO

WILL

WIN?


the ancient sage, Albus? "It's all coming together; my plans are coming to fruition. Yes, yes!"

The rich gay boy, Draco? "A white person should win this game. Me."

The black fisher, Hermione? "I'm highly logical, which allows me to look past extraneous detail and perceive clearly that which others overlook."

Or the girl with BPD, Lavender? "I'm so scared."