Someday

Some days I'm treading the water and feel like it's getting deep

Some nights I drown in the weight of the things that I think I need

Soda couldn't sleep.

He'd been home for ten days, which wasn't a lot of time to fall back into his old routine, he supposed. But he had never thought he would find going back to his old life this hard, either.

His old bed was too comfortable.

His home was too cozy.

And his brothers were too nice. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it. Because he'd done awful, awful things in Vietnam. Not by choice - he never wanted to go. He never asked to be drafted. Hell, if it weren't for his family he probably would have driven all the way to Canada, to seek refuge there.

But he hadn't, and Steve had got his draft letter too, and they both had found some comfort in that. Leaving Tulsa together. Going to boot camp together.

They thought their luck would hold out, but they had got separated in Nam. Soda made Steve swear he would keep his temper in check, because he knew him so well and he knew that would be the death of him if he wasn't careful.

Despite everything, despite how hard life had been over there, both of them had come home. Things were different, though. Soda could see it in Steve's eyes. In his brothers' eyes, when they looked at him.

He knew they could never go back to the way they were before.

And he couldn't even admit it to himself, but in the back of his mind Soda blamed himself for coming home.


"Sodapop?"

Soda looked up from the counter. Two-Bit was standing in front of him, holding a pack of cigarettes. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't noticed he was talking to him. "Yeah?"

"I said, do you wanna go out tonight? I already asked Steve and he's up for it."

Soda paused to think. He had got his old job at the DX and started two days before, and he was still getting used to being there. He would get distracted all the time, and he noticed some customers seemed irritated when he asked them to repeat what they'd just said.

He found going back to normal wasn't normal at all.

"I..." He looked down, trying to come up with the right answer. There had to be one, but he couldn't think. He couldn't focus. Finally, he decided if Steve was going, he might as well. "Sure."

Two-Bit waited, as if he was expecting him to add something else - Soda had never exactly been quiet - but when he realized that was it, he just smiled. "Great! I'll ask Pony and Darry as well, we should all go out and have fun. It's Saturday after all."

Soda didn't know what to reply. He couldn't even pretend he felt excited about having a night out. He didn't know why he felt so numb, but he hoped it was just a phase - he just needed to get back into the swing of things... he had been away for a year, surely the way he felt was normal... right?

Two-Bit seemed to realize that he wasn't going to get much of a reaction out of him, and smiled again. "Well, I'm off now, but I'll see you later!"

Soda nodded and watched him leave, then glanced at the clock. It was only three, and his shift wouldn't end before five. Time seemed to go by so slowly - he wasn't sure if it was because it was a quiet day, despite being Saturday, or because he perceived time differently. He wondered if Steve felt the same, but he didn't dare leave the counter to go ask him. He had seemed in a bad mood that morning, and even if Soda knew that working on cars always made him feel better he was still wary of bothering him.

Was the damn clock broken? There was no way time was going by so slow...

"Sodapop, you're back!"

Soda looked up from the counter and was surprised to find two girls smiling excitedly at him. He knew their faces, but couldn't remember their names. They used to come to the DX mainly to flirt with him, that much he remembered. "Hi," he simply said, looking from one to the other. They were probably seventeen or eighteen, still in high school. He had turned 19 while he was in Nam. He hadn't even realized after a couple days later, but it was fine, it's not like he had much to celebrate over there-

"How are you doing? It's so good to see you!" The curly haired girl exclaimed, looking genuinely happy to see him.

Soda couldn't fathom why. "I'm alright, what about you girls?" he asked mechanically, and listened to the two of them and their meaningless chatter until he realized one more customer had come in and he was waiting for him to scan the items he'd picked from the shelves.

He wished the girls would leave him alone, but they stayed for another half hour, and Soda was so glad when Steve came in and glared at them, scaring them off.

He was tired.

He just wanted to go home and curl under the covers and sleep for half a day.

"Steve... do you really wanna go out tonight?" he softly asked, turning toward his friend. He suddenly felt not only exhausted, but dizzy as well. Black spots started dancing in his vision, and he gripped the counter hard.

He never got to hear Steve's reply, because his eyes closed and he lost consciousness.

Please let me know if you enjoy this and want to read more!