Buck was searching through the channels for something to watch when the microwave went off. Sighing at the lack of something interesting to watch, he gently threw the remote on the cushions next to him and got up on his feet.

He retrieved his mac and cheese from the microwave and grated more cheese into his bowl before pouring himself a glass of orange juice and going back to the living room.

He was alone in the house with Bobby being on shift until 8, and Athena until 7. They usually don't allow him to be alone for more than a few hours a day, but Doctor Copeland had told them about his improvement the last time they had sat down with him during a session. She also told them that they don't have to worry about leaving him to his own devices, but also reiterated to Buck that if he felt the need to have someone with him, he should call one of them.

He already had a couple of spoonfuls when his ex, Taylor's face flashed on the screen.

"I am reporting to you live from the Dispatch Center where a hostage take-over is currently taking place," she said just as the camera panned to the building behind them.

Buck dropped his spoon inside the bowl, his eyes glued to the screen as he listened intently to what she had to say.

"Reports have been made throughout the city, stating that emergency number 9-1-1 has been unreachable and that suspects currently have over fifteen personnel held hostage. The police and fire department are.."

Taylor's words suddenly fell on deaf ears as the bowl slipped from his grip and fell with a resounding crash against the floor. But Buck paid it no mind as his heart began to race a hundred miles a minute when he realized something.

May was on shift today.

Heart racing and ears ringing, Buck scrambled to reach for his phone on the coffee table, too focused on his need to call somebody that he didn't even flinch when he accidentally stepped on a shard of the bowl he just dropped.

He clumsily opened his phone with shaky hands and scrolled through his contacts, pressing the call button as he finally found Athena's number. He closed his eyes as he tried his best to breathe and relax while waiting for her to pick up. The call kept on ringing until Buck dropped it and tried to call her two more times. When she still didn't pick up, he decided to call Bobby.

The grip he had on the phone tightened as he heard the automated intercept message telling him that the person he was calling cannot accept calls at the moment. He dropped the call and pulled hard on his hair, heart pounding as his mind kept drifting back to the fact that May was in the middle of that hostage-taking.

His breaths were coming in ragged and his vision was swimming in and out of focus. He fell on his knees as he struggled to breathe, his thoughts going haywire as all he could think about was how he was losing another sibling.

Logically, he didn't lose any siblings in the past as he wasn't even aware of another sibling's existence until years later when he was told about Daniel.

But May?

She may not be his sibling biologically, but there were a hundred and one different ways to become one except for blood and the fear that was gripping him now was one that he felt when Maddie was kidnapped by her deranged ex-husband years ago.

The thought of Maddie alone was enough to have him sucking up air to provide to his oxygen-deprived lungs, barely remembering through the dark haze of his thoughts that she wasn't on shift today.

Buck blindly searched for his phone where he had dropped it on the floor, wincing when he felt something cut his palm but continued his search for the device nonetheless.

When he finally made out the form of his phone, he shakily brought it close to his face to see the screen. His vision was still swimming and his ears were ringing along with his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage.

He scrolled through his contacts, pressing the call button when he found his sister's name, and begged whatever god, deity, and other-worldly being out there that was listening to keep his younger sister safe as he waited for the call to connect.

One ring.. two rings..

"C-Come on, Maddie.. Pick u-up.. P-Please pick up," Buck pleaded as he slowly began to lose his grasp on reality.

Three rings.. Fo–

Hello?

Buck choked on a sob at the sound of his sister's voice, heaving as he struggled to breathe with the way he was shaking due to the intensity of his sobs. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat and all he could do was sob outright.

Buck? What's wrong? What happened?!

"M-Mads, p-please.. Please, I-I can't..," he cried, breath hitching as he burst into another round of tears.

Ev, I need you to breathe. I'm about a block away from Bobby and Athena's. I'm on my way and I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? Talk to me, Evan. What's going on?

"H-Hostage.. M-May.. Disp-patch.. Oh G-God..," Buck managed in between his sobs, chest burning as he wheezed.

Evan, wait, slow down. You're not making any sense. I need you to breathe for me, Ev.

"M-Maddie, p-please.. P-Please..," Buck broke down as he tried his absolute best to keep himself grounded in reality, to keep his head afloat in the harsh onslaught of thoughts that were trying to pull him under.

But then, Buck made the mistake of dragging one hand across his face and he froze.

The smell of blood reached his nostrils and he unconsciously flinched, dropping the phone on the floor as his wild eyes zeroed in on the bloody mess that was his palm and his foot. Buck blinked and blinked, the horrifying realization that he was bleeding slowly sinking in, and it triggered a sudden need to hurt, and that was all it took for his resolve to nearly dissolve.

And Buck fought it.

He hasn't had any relapses for months since he began staying at the Grant-Nash household. There had been a lot of setbacks of course, but he had never relapsed; never added another hideous red line to his arms.

But right now, at the threat of losing someone he held so dearly in his life–someone in his family, Buck couldn't help the helplessness that he was feeling as he looked at the shattered mess on the floor. His panic gradually skyrocketed as a multitude of intrusive and unwanted thoughts happened all at once in his head, and the grasp he had in reality that he had been fighting so hard to keep ahold of finally slipped.

His breaths came in short harsh gasps, and he felt like the room was closing in on him as his vision tunneled in and out. He began to feel the cold sweat coming out of his pores as blood rushed to his ears. The cold he was starting to feel numbed his senses as he felt himself get dragged under the force of the waves upon waves of dark thoughts going on inside his head.

Slowly, Buck felt his body gently fall against the floor, head barely missing a shard as it fell at an angle that gave him a direct view of the television screen. But he couldn't make out what was being shown even if he wanted to because everything was a blur, and all he could hear was the continuous ringing in his ears.

The cold felt like it was slowly spreading through his body, rendering him numb from head to toe as he lost himself in his thoughts that were spiraling out of control and consuming him. His chest hurt, he couldn't breathe, and the sudden drowsiness that overtook him was proving difficult to fight off.

Buck had no idea how much time had passed, but each passing second had him thinking of silent apologies to everyone in his family as he slowly turned his head so he was facing the ceiling. He was so close to being sucked into oblivion when a blurry figure suddenly came and blocked his view of the ceiling.

He couldn't see them clearly but he knew it was Maddie. He attempted to smile, but everything was suddenly heavy, he felt like suffocating, and it was getting harder to focus on the voice that was slowly fading in and drowning out the ringing in his ears; the voice that was frantically addressing him.

"..hear me, Evan?"

"M-M'ds?" he wheezed as he looked at her, blinking several times in an attempt to get his vision to clear.

"Yeah, it's me, Buck. I'm here. I need you to take some deep breaths, okay?" Maddie told him, her voice alert and sounding professional despite the panic she was still feeling.

She had just met a friend for lunch who made a comment about how lucky she was about not being on shift and went on about the news they heard on the radio. Maddie didn't get the chance to react because it was then that Buck called. The moment she picked up and heard his breath hitch as he called for her, she could only deduce that the dispatch situation was being covered on live news and he had seen it.

And then that was when it hit Maddie like a freight train.

May was on shift, and she immediately realized why that would be such a trigger for him.

The scene that met her when she arrived at Bobby and Athena's home was one she did not expect. She expected to find her brother hyperventilating in a corner of the house from what she was able to hear when Buck became unresponsive to her calls over the phone, so finding her brother slumped on the floor of the living room surrounded by a mess of splattered mac and cheese and shattered bowl shards with a bleeding foot and hand in a catatonic state was enough to make her push down the panic that she had been feeling for the past twenty minutes that it took for her to get there, and to let her ER nurse training and persona take over.

It wouldn't have done the both of them any good if she had allowed herself to panic at the sight she found.

A wheeze was the only response she received from her brother as he struggled against her hold, but given his state, Maddie was able to keep her hold on him as she gently manoeuvered him to an upright sitting position with his back resting against her chest. It wasn't the best position considering that her brother was physically bulkier than her, but Maddie made it work.

"Breathe with me, Evan," she told him as she wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could to help ground him back to reality.

Maddie felt him weakly shake his head at that and she tightened her arms around him more as he tried to fight against her again. "You can do it, Buck. I'm right here, we'll do it together, okay?"

She felt him nod weakly against her, and Maddie inhaled, waiting for Buck to follow suit before exhaling slowly. They repeated the cycle for quite some time, and she eventually loosened her arms around him as she slowly felt him somewhat relax against her.

Maddie freed one of her arms from around her brother and reached up to card through his sweat-soaked curls.

"That's it. Just breathe, Evan. Are you back with me?" she asked softly, earning herself a shake of the head.

"Okay. Can you tell me what are five things you can see right now?" Maddie requested softly, her hand still carding through his hair as she knew well enough that it was one of the things that always helped in calming him.

Buck couldn't help but lean towards her touch as it provided him with a sense of security and safety and comfort all the same. He blinked and let out a shaky breath as he tried looking around, only for his breath to hitch once more as his eyes landed on the television screen.

"I-I..," he tried and failed as his eyes glued to the blurry television screen.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Buck. It's okay. Just tell me the five things you see, okay? I'm right here," he heard his sister say as he felt her other arm tighten around his torso once more.

"O-Okay. The T-TV," Buck started, his eyes immediately roaming around, blinking as he went to clear his vision.

"The couch. F-Fireplace," he paused, swallowing the lump that was threatening to be released.

"Good, what else?" Maddie prompted softly, and Buck sighed as he slowly reached to hold his sister's wrist.

He slowly tilted his head, eyes roaming about as he tried to look around.

"B-Bookshelf. Mom a-and Dad's wedding p-photo," he finally said, breath hitching.

Maddie brushed his hair away from his forehead as she nodded. "Great job, Evan. Now tell me four things you can feel or touch."

"Y-Your pulse. Your bracelet. Your hand on my h-hair, a-and the f-floor?" Buck answered, eyes closing as he unconsciously leaned into his sister's touch as he felt her hand card through his hair once more.

"That's right, Ev. How about three things you can hear right now?" he heard Maddie prompt him into continuing the grounding technique he has been using for the past few months whenever he has particularly vicious anxiety attacks.

Buck kept his eyes closed, focusing on the feel of her hand going through his hair as he listened for anything that would help him ground himself further into reality.

"The n-neighbor's dog barking, the T-TV, and.. uh, the ceiling fan," he answered a moment later, the tension in his body bleeding out as he further relaxed against his sister's hold.

"And two things you can smell?" Maddie asked as she gently loosened the arm she had around him.

Buck took a sniff. "Y-Your perfume and my blood."

He felt his sister's arm tighten for a fraction before she spoke up once more. "And lastly, one thing you can taste."

"Um, mac and cheese," Buck answered immediately, earning himself a chuckle from his older sister. He tilted his head up to look at her with a confused expression, the unspoken question in his eyes.

"Bobby's signature mac and cheese?" Maddie couldn't help but ask amused as Buck chuckled back and shook his head lightly.

"No, just the regular microwave ones," he replied with a ghost of a smile as Maddie met his gaze.

She held his gaze wordlessly for a moment longer before she gave him a small smile as she carded his hair. "You back with me, baby bro?"

Buck took a breath before nodding his head, not once letting his gaze wander back to the mess he knew was on the floor of Bobby and Athena's living room. Maddie, however, was able to read her brother like an open book; knew him like the back of her own hand so she gently cupped his face and placed a soft kiss on his hair, a gesture that had him sighing in relief as the tension finally bled out from his shoulders.

"Let's get you sorted out, okay?" Buck heard her whisper against his skin and he could only nod his assent at that.

Maddie carefully helped him up on his good foot, her arms immediately reaching out to hold him when he almost lost his balance.

"Easy, Buck. It's okay, I've got you. Come on," the older of the two said as she put one of his arms over her shoulders to support some of his weight as she guided him over to the couch, carefully sweeping the shards away from them with her shoe as they went.

She carefully sat him down and got up to get the first aid kit Athena always joked about containing half a hospital in the bathroom under the sink. She found him staring at the television screen intently when she returned and grabbed the remote and turned the television off.

"Maddie–"

"No, Buck. As much as I'd like for both of us to wait for another news report on the situation, my priority right now, at this moment, is you and your well-being, Ev. Do you understand me?" his sister intervened before he could say any more.

The dispatcher didn't give her brother enough time to come up with a response before she was speaking once more.

"You and I both know that Bobby and Athena are most likely both working that scene. The police and fire department are doing their best to talk the suspect down last I heard just before I got here. May's going to be okay, Evan."

"But what if she's not, Maddie?" Buck countered, "What if– I can't– I–"

Buck cut himself off as he looked away, the need to make sure that everyone in his family was okay overwhelming him as his bloodied right hand unconsciously started scratching at the pinkish-white lines on his left arm. Maddie immediately grabbed him by the wrist and gave him a look.

"Hey, no, stop it, Evan. What's going on in that head of yours?" she asked, her eyes never once wavering from his as she patiently waited for him to voice out his thoughts.

Buck closed his eyes and let out a breath. The thoughts in his head had significantly quieted down the moment Maddie arrived, but that didn't mean that the thoughts stopped altogether.

He bit his lip and winced as he opened his eyes when he felt Maddie start to disinfect the cut on his hand. Buck allowed himself to watch as his sister tended to his wounds, letting the mere presence of his sister and her touch be the grounding force he needed not to get pulled down into the depths of his dark thoughts.

He watched as Maddie cleaned and inspected it to see if it would need stitches before going through the first aid kit and applied the steri strips with the practiced ease of someone who had been an ER nurse for eight years.

Maddie briefly looked up and gave her brother a small smile before moving on to inspect the cut on his foot. She knew that Buck just needed some time to gather his thoughts and process the emotions that he was going through before he could voice them out, and she was more than willing to wait until he was ready to share them.

She had texted Chim on her way to the house asking him to keep her updated on the scene, and so far the only thing she heard from him was that the LAPD and the LAFD were able to have a communication link with the suspect and that a negotiator has arrived on scene and was already in the process of talking them down.

"I know I technically haven't lost any siblings, I didn't even know about Daniel until a few years ago and I know that May's not ours biologically. But..," Buck's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, prompting her to look up at him when he suddenly trailed off.

Maddie reached up and tilted his chin to face her. The blood smeared on his face had already caked and she reached for the wet towel she had gotten from the bathroom earlier and began wiping away the blood.

"But?" she prompted softly as she carried on with her task, watching as her brother gently bit his lip as if contemplating the words he would be saying until he eventually decided to open up.

"But she is, Mads– she and Harry both are. They're every bit my siblings just as much as you are regardless if we're related by blood or not. I don't know what it was like when you lost Daniel the way you did, but I know the fear of it. I almost lost you when Doug took you years ago, Mads, and that was the closest I have been to truly losing a sibling. And the fear that I have for May right now is the same one I had with you then."

He met her gaze and Maddie could see the fear that he was talking about as clear as day in those soft baby blue gaze of his. She wiped away the rest of the dried blood from his face and gently squeezed his unharmed hand before tending to his foot once more, eyes gazing up at him every now and then to know that she was waiting and listening.

Buck bit his lip, debating if it would be best if he confessed about the sudden urge he had during the episode he just had. He did promise his parents that he would always ask for help and let someone know if he needed some support, so he drew in a breath and slowly released it before speaking.

"And for a minute, the only thought I had on my mind was how I'm losing another sibling, and it made me want to hurt myself, Mads," he confessed quietly, his eyes meeting her alarmed dark ones when she looked up from what she was doing.

He gave her a weak smile, but from the look of concern that deepened on her face, he figured his attempt at a reassuring smile came out more of a grimace than what he was trying to achieve.

"For the briefest of moments, I wanted to do it so badly. But I fought it, Mads," he said, suddenly uncomfortable as a thought of why her expression looked so stricken hit him, making him panic.

"You've got to believe me, Maddie! I.. I didn't do this on purpose," he added desperately, his eyes wild as he showed her the cut on his hand, "I-I swear I didn't. I just.. I panicked and the bowl fell from my grasp and I must have–"

Maddie dropped what she was doing and immediately cupped his face, leaving him no choice but to look into her dark brownish-black eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey. I know, Evan. I know, sshh. It's okay, I know you didn't do this on purpose, it's okay, Buck. It's okay. You're okay, baby brother. You're okay, sshh," she immediately soothed, wiping away a tear that escaped from the corner of his eyes with her thumb.

"I fought it, Mads. I fought the urge to.. to..," Buck trailed off as his eyes all but begged his sister to believe him, to trust his words.

Maddie nodded her head in acknowledgement of his words, eyes almost tearing up as she run her thumb along his cheekbone and pressed a lingering kiss on his forehead.

"I know you did, Evan. I promise, I believe you, and I know. And I am so proud of you for fighting it, Ev. I know how hard fighting the horrors in your mind can be for you, and the fact that you did tells me just how strong you are," she told him ever so softly as she pulled away slightly.

"You came to terms with it by yourself, you told me about it, and you reached out and asked for help when you needed it, and that is more than enough, Ev. You are making so much progress already and none of us, I repeat, none of us, will ever think that you did this..," she gently grabbed him by the wrist of his injured hand, "..on purpose. Especially not after what you found out in the middle of what's supposed to be a normal day. Do you understand me?"

Buck blinked back his tears and buried himself against his older sister's shoulder, allowing himself a moment to fully lean on her and took some of the comfort and assurance she readily offered.

"Thank you, Mads," he whispered against her shoulder.

"Always, Ev. I've got you," Maddie whispered back just as she gently pulled away, earning herself a genuine small smile from her brother this time around.

"Come on, I'll finish up with the cut on your foot and then I'll make you another bowl of microwave mac and cheese while we wait to hear back from either Chim, Athena, or Bobby. Sound good?" she suggested, eyes watching him as he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, sounds good," he agreed quietly.

His eyes automatically directed themselves toward the black television screen, and Maddie was just about to say something when she heard her phone ping with a notification, indicating that a message was received.

Buck's eyes immediately met hers when he heard it as well, the fear he had gotten to tamp down slowly revealing itself once more in those baby blues. Maddie carefully patched up the cut on his foot and gathered up the first aid kit before sitting down next to him on the couch.

He immediately grabbed her hand, the faint tremor not missed by his sister as she squeezed his hand tight before unlocking her phone and opening the short but prompt text message from Chim.

SWAT got the suspect in custody. No casualties, and everyone is safe. May's safe. Will check in again when we get back to the station. xo

The sob that escaped from Buck as soon as he read the message had him dropping forward, and Maddie was quick enough to catch him as he cried in obvious relief. The emotions he have kept under wraps in an attempt to stop himself from spiraling were suddenly replaced by the overwhelming feeling of relief as he sobbed against his sister's shoulder.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours until all the sobbing faded into whimpers, and whimpers faded into sniffles until eventually, Buck could no longer fight the exhaustion that hit him all of a sudden. His eyes could no longer stay open and he sluggishly looked up at his sister only to see her on her feet and slowly guided him to lie down on the couch.

"Mads..," he called out tiredly as he tried to keep his eyes stay open.

"Ssshh, you're okay, Ev," Maddie soothed, hand coming up to brush the hair out of his forehead.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll be right here when you wake up," she added softly as Buck blinked up at her blearily.

"May safe?" he asked drowsily as he stubbornly fought the pull of sleep.

Maddie nodded her head. "She's safe, Evan. Everyone's safe. I promise."

"Fam'ly s'fe," Buck mumbled as he finally gave up the fight and his eyes fell closed as he allowed the pull of sleep to claim him.

She was just about to start cleaning up the mess in the living room when her phone pinged with another message received from Chim.

Will be covering for Bobby for the rest of the shift. He and Athena both decided to cut their shifts short to take May home. They also said something about missing Buck's calls. Have you heard from him?

Maddie quickly typed in a reply, sending it as she pocketed her phone.

Yeah, I have and before you ask, yes, he's okay. I'm here with him at Bobby and Athena's holding down the fort. Stay safe out there, Howie. I'll see you later. I love you. xo

She looked over to her brother's sleeping form, bending over to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

"I've got you, Ev," she promised softly, smiling when Buck leaned into her touch as she traced his cheekbones.

Later, Athena, Bobby, and a shaken May would be coming home earlier than expected to see Maddie finishing up cleaning the mess in the living room. The parents would open their mouths to ask a question, but wouldn't be able to come up with words to say as May would pass between the two of them and come straight to Buck's sleeping form.

She would kneel by the couch and run her hand through his hair, look up at Maddie and the eldest of the three would know without the need for words the question she would see in her younger sister's eyes and those of their parents.

Maddie would recount what happened to them as they all sat quietly in the living room surrounding the sleeping figure of Buck with coffee and tea in their mugs. She would tell them how her brother came across the hostage situation on the news, how he managed to call her and accidentally cut himself twice in his panic, how she helped him ground himself in reality, and how overwhelmed with fear and anxiety he had been for May's safety.

Later, Buck would eventually wake up to the sound of hushed voices over him, and to the feel of someone's hand carding through his hair. He would blink up and register his younger sister's face as she gently carded her hand. Tears would spring up in his eyes and he would croak out her name and he would sit up and gather her in his arms and cry in relief.

Maddie would watch May hug him back and whisper reassurances over and over again in his ear, she would watch their younger sister tell him that she was okay and that she wasn't in any way harmed; that she was safe and sound.

But that was all for later.

Right now, Maddie was more than content with watching her brother sleep for a moment, drawing comfort in the fact that he had let her in and reached out to her when he needed help just as she knew he promised Bobby and Athena he would.