How about one more little chapter everyone? Go on, you know one character has not yet made an appearance, and you'd miss her if I did not let her have her share of the conversation, for she must.
Chapter 7
~ Thursday the nineteenth of December ~
Mr Darcy came to take his leave today, most of the family was distracted by Mr Bingley and the Hursts – our future sister and her husband are also leaving in the morning, to go spend Christmas with Mr Hurst's parents. I was not as distracted; I saw the looks between my sister and Mr Darcy. Lizzy may not be ready to admit it, but I know she is in love. I am so very happy, as my Lizzy will be happy too. Such a tall handsome man. I hope they will invite me to stay with them in London sometimes. I hope his sister likes us, as i need an extra nice sister to counter getting Miss Bitter B. Mrs Hursts has asked us to call her Louisa, and I do think she will be a very decent sort of sister, even if she can be a little insipid like Jane at times.
I know Mr Darcy and Lizzy walked together every day since Jane's engagement, but I thought it would take Lizzy longer to accept her feelings. I should have known she could not have such a huge, warm heart and not let him in once she forgave his horrid insult of so many weeks ago.
Last Saturday, Lizzy told me of his apology. I cannot remember all the words he used, she did of course, but her memory is so much better than mine, but it was all very prettily said, and then she apologised for having disliked him, so they are now all friendly. Now they can finish all the falling in love and he can propose as soon as he comes back, and my work is all done.
I wish Mama could stop calling him a proud disagreeable man, as he is not at all disagreeable. He has a very nice smile when he talks to Lizzy, and he makes her blush. Lizzy is always pretty, but when she looks at him with that blush and her eyes sparkling, she is so very beautiful, much more beautiful than even Jane, maybe even more than me. I can see why Mr Darcy stares at her so much.
I want that too, a man who looks at me with the same intensity. I do believe Mr Darcy adores my sister; I want a man to adore me too. And to want to dance with me all the time of course.
I am too excited to write, I will go and have a brisk walk in my box forest. I really like my indoor outdoors as Kitty calls it. Kitty is coming out of her shell very nicely by the by, her drawings are getting better each day, and she talks more – she is so excited about London and her new art master, she sometimes sounds a lot like Lizzy, although Lizzy talks of books or plays, not art. I was right, Kitty has as much passion as us, and it is finally coming out, about time too for she will be eighteen next July!
I will ask Lizzy what type of gentleman we must look for – will Kitty like another artist? Maybe the owner of a gallery in London? A rich gentleman who loves art with a big mansion ready to be filled with her paintings? I know so little of art, too little, maybe there is a book in Papa's library that can teach me more, Lizzy will know.
Enough of all the thinking, I must walk and empty my mind just like Lizzy does.
LMB
~ Monday the twenty third of December, really late at night ~
I can write a little tonight as Kitty wants to finish the portrait of baby Annabel, our youngest cousin, before going to sleep. Maybe I like children more than I thought, for I enjoyed all our games so much tonight.
The Gardiners have arrived, I should have started with that, but it seemed so obvious, I forgot. Uncle Edward is Mama's brother, but he is not al all like her, so I guess I should not be surprised Jane is different from everyone, I do not mean in appearance, for although everyone says she is prettier, she is not so unlike Kitty and I, I mean her character for Jane is just so unbelievably forever tame and placid. Even more now that she is engaged.
Anyhow, our four cousins were not tired at all after the journey. It is only five and twenty miles or so from Gracechurch Street to Longbourn, so I am not surprised, I do not think I would be tired at all after such a small journey. Lizzy, Kitty and I took them all to the nursery, even little Anna who is too young to play much yet. We just had so much fun, I had forgotten same of the toys we had in storage, but Lizzy and Mrs Hill had sorted through all of them, cleaned them, repaired a few, and we all rediscovered them together.
Such a good idea, and Mrs Hill was so sweet to help, but then she loves all of us girls I am sure of it even if she does not say it. She even sent some spiced biscuits up with some warm milk up while we were playing. It was so fun.
Kitty is done, the portrait is so very cute, but then Anna is so sweet, maybe I will have children one day after all.
I will sleep now, but I loved today.
LMB
~ Thursday 26th December, Boxing Day just before bed
Lord how tired I am!
Lizzy insisted we delivered all the tenant boxes ourselves today, as Uncle Gardiner, who usually helps us, needed to rest. Lizzy says he has worked hard for months, and we should let him sleep this morning, so we loaded the boxes carefully on the big handcart from the home farm. It was very full, but between the three of us, we managed to safely take it round all the tenant farms.
It was nice to see the children open the small presents we had gotten them – Mary and Lizzy have been sewing little dolls and dresses all year long, every time we had any scrap of fabric left from any project, and the girls were all very pleased with these. I do not sew well enough to make dolls, but I did decorate all of them with pretty ribbons. One of the stable boys, young Tommy, had carved some little animals out of wood for the boys, I must say they were quite good, you could easily recognise the horses and dogs, although I think the dogs were the best. Lizzy had also bought a huge bag of marbles with some of her allowance so all the children got a few and were so very pleased. I do not understand how she can have any of her allowance left over to buy marbles, mine always seems to be gone within a week of receiving it from Papa.
I was so tired when we were walking back after the last farm, and I think Mary was as tired as I was, but Lizzy was still all full of energy, so she started pulling the cart all on her own. I don't think I will ever be quite like her. I will need to ask Mary if her legs feel shapelier after all this walking.
Uncle Edward was very proud of us, and I think quite pleased not to have to get out as it was cold and windy this morning. He asked Aunt Margaret if we could have our presents then, as we had been so good.
I was happy, but I think Kitty and Jane should have waited for their presents as they did not help us. Lizzy said it was not their fault as Kitty should not stay out so much and Jane was with Mama, but still I think we should have had extra gifts for being so good.
I got the best presents, and much better presents than last year too.
Aunt Margaret got me the most dreamy blue muslin fabric, so pretty and shiny, and just the perfect colour for my eyes. There is enough to make a whole dress and even more. Maybe Lizzy can show me how to make a matching reticule with some of the fabric, for it is so pretty. It will be so perfect for Jane's wedding.
Then Papa gave me a book – I am sure he did not choose it himself, as I never told him about the savanna – it is a novel, and Lizzy says the heroine, for the main character is a girl just like me, she goes to Africa and meets many people and has adventures there. I can't wait to read it.
Kitty made a portrait of me in my box forest, I laughed a lot, but in truth it is really a thoughtful gift, and she drew it so well. I will tell her again how much I like it.
Lizzy got me blue velvet to make a pelisse or a coat that will go with the blue dress. I am sure she talked to our aunt, as the colour is simply perfect, darker than the muslin but matching so well, it will look so very smart. And then Mary gave me some ribbons of exactly the same dark shade. Jane said she did not have a present as she spent so long on Mama's, but she will be sewing my new coat for me, and decorate it with roses in a light blue shade around the neckline if I want, which I do as she makes the best roses ever.
My sisters are so sneaky for they must have worked together and I never knew. I love them so much. I am ever so lucky.
LMB
~Monday the thirtieth of December ~
The Gardiners and Kitty left this morning. She promised to write often, and I will try and respond, although Mary and Lizzy will help.
I think I will like having my own room for a few weeks, I have never been on my own before.
Nothing else happened though, so this must be my shortest entry. Does it matter that some days I write a lot and some days less? I will not let anyone read my diary, as it is mine, and also because I have used so many of the words I am not supposed to learn, so is it important if sometimes I only write a few line? I am not sure whether I should worry or not about that.
LMB
~ Monday the sixth of January, before bed ~
Well, that was so exciting, I won't be complaining about boring afternoons for a few days, for this was the most interesting twelfth night we have had for many years. We had a visit this afternoon, from her high and mighty glorified Lady patroness, Mr Collins' Lady Catherine herself.
We all wondered why she would visit here and not Lucas Lodge to meet 'that artful' Charlotte (as Mama calls her now) who should never have accepted our buffle-headed cousin, I still think she is mad as a hatter.
Mama is still angry at Lizzy again for not accepting Mr Collins, so thinks the Lady came to berate my sister on her parson's behalf, but I know better. Lizzy will say I shouldn't have so I won't tell her, but I rushed to the little storage room at the back of the kitchens while she was taking her sour faced unwanted companion to the wilderness at the side of Longbourn; if you open the widow and stand really still and silent, the voices carry well enough. I missed a few of Lizzy's replies, for she had her back to me, and does not shout, but the bracket-faced lady (see how well I am using all those wonderful expressions from Papa's book, I am quite proud of myself!) Lady C was mostly shouting, and her voice is very clear, like her nephews.
Did I say that she is Mr Darcy's aunt? Well, she is, and she may be as proud as he is when you first see them, but she is not one bit nice at all, and I do not think I will like her after a few weeks like I did her nephew.
She speaks a little like her toad-eating parson, with long words and sentences to make herself seem clever; I think Lizzy is far more clever, and she did not lose her courage, she faced the dragon head first.
I wonder whether there really were dragons in Wales, it seems impossible that an animal would breathe fire and not cook itself, so I do not think they existed. Lizzy says many old tales are actually metaphor, meaning they are not true, they are just woven so people can imagine epic battles and learn some sort of moral from them, and some are just so some king or nobleman of some sort was made to look better than they really were – stronger, nobler and braver usually. I think it is confusing and the writers should just write what really happened, but Lizzy says people remember better when there is a fantastical side to a story.
Going back to Lizzy and her metaphorical dragon of a lady, what I understood is that Mr Collins told her about her nephew's visit to Netherfield, which is normal for he talks so much, and last week he said Mr Darcy danced with Lizzy. From what she said, though, he had paid a high price for this comment, as she interrogated him very thoroughly; I wonder if she has techniques like the Spanish Inquisitors, he would deserve torture if Lizzy was shouted at because of his loose tongue. How she guessed Mr Darcy liked Lizzy from just a dance though, I know not, for it wasn't even one of the main dances like the first or the supper set.
Anyway the termagant said that Mr Darcy is engaged to her daughter, but I think he must have explained things to Lizzy before he left, as she was not surprised or worried. Lizzy said that if the informal engagement doesn't stop him asking, it will not stop her accepting his offer. I am happy, if she did not like him so much, she would have told the woman. Lizzy does not lie.
It went to and fro between them for a while, and Lizzy got the Goosecap to contradict herself several times, so that was quite fun.
It must have been exhausting for Lizzy though, and after the grand dame left - is she a dame? What is the difference from a Lady? I might need to ask Papa as it sounds too boring for even Lizzy to know. Anyway, after she left, Mama was also questioning Lizzy, who managed to answer without lying and yet without saying much at all. That did not stop Mama's complaints, and it took a huge effort from both Jane and me to stop her. We had to go as far as starting a silly argument about wedding decorations to get Mama distracted enough. Jane knows I was not serious in criticising some of her choices, so I do not think I hurt her, but I will apologise again tomorrow when I can talk to her alone; her choices will look very pretty in our little church and in the front parlour at home.
And I will wake up early to walk with Lizzy, Sally promised to wake me, as I still can't wake on my own.
LMB
xxx
~ Tuesday the seventh of January, after a long walk to Oakham mount ~
My poor Lizzy hardly slept. I should have known and talked to her last night, but it may not have helped, I do not know. Elizabeth is worried she upset Lady Catherine; she says she has to be respectful as she is Mr Darcy's aunt, I am not sure I agree; Lizzy thinks the Lady will have gone straight to talk to her nephew, and he will be upset my sister did not show proper respect. I think I said the wrong thing, that if he is upset he does not deserve her, but that made her sad. I think Lizzy worries he simply will never come back, and I think she knows she loves him now.
I am sure he is a good man and he will be back before the wedding as he said he would. He would not send excuses. Dear god, please let him be a good man, I promise I will be good and listen at church every Sunday for a whole year if you let him come back. He could not have deceived us, I will not believe it. Please. Two whole years.
LMB
