"I wonder if they can see us from down there."
The half-question perked Cter's ears. Had hers been the same as the Griffon Commander's they would have stood straight up. With a clinging lean she managed to reach far enough into Aajja's peripheral for him to sway his bendy neck back at her to meet with a curious glint in his dark eyes. "That sounded more frightened than it did when we flew over during the war," said Cter with an inappropriate chuckle. It surprised her as much as it did the Griffon Commander, and the two glided silently through a bright-gray cloud before anything else. "I don't blame you."
"Neither do I you," replied Aajja after a gentle flap of his wings. The Monster Mage's chuckle bubbled within him as well. "Thing is that..." He took another one to buy him some more time. "I guess that if the humans found us back then it would have been just you and I. Now though..." The third beat of the wings was weaker, more obvious as to its intentions.
He looked down at the overcrowded road which looked to go on for miles with monsters. How many of them were hidden behind the lower level of clouds was hard to tell, but even from so far up Cter could see that some of the more exotic monster shapes were missing from what she could see. No sun shimmer from families of water monsters akin to that on a lake surface.
No sway of the canopies of the tree-like monsters. No finger tapping from the monsters that were scarily like that of large human hands. Cter could feel too that the joint auras of the monsters went on for longer than she could see. A bit like smelling the smoke of a village before seeing it. "If they see us it'll be all of them too."
Not in direct danger, Cter assumed without asking, but in indirect danger.
If the monsters were to catch glimpse of the two Royal Messengers there were sure to be whispers spread about within the long, long march of monsters. Be it positive or negative, as either of the two tunes to the whispers were to get the monster rowdy one way or another. That in turn would risk exciting the human souls of those that escorted the monsters. That Cter could not have happen.
"Maybe we should fly a bit higher then."
The nature of the human soul had been decided to not be shared with the villagers. Telling them that the humans that were to escort them could at any magical moment be filled with killing intent from their souls and then send the villagers to the vessels of said human souls wasn't the most splendid of ideas.
One of the very few points of discussion that both the humans and the monsters were completely in agreement upon during the long weeks at Jarasevo Castle.
"You're still able to sense the aura all the way up here?" asked the Griffon Commander after settling his ascent and waiting for Cter's stomach to settle as well. He perused for cloud formations below him to try and find some place lower to hide above. "I could try and follow that grayer one below us instead."
"No, it's fine."
The forest they were flying over was all marshland so loose that even a ghost monster would sink through. There were no monsters there when they passed it by the first time, nor even a hint of aura that magic had been there earlier. It was one of the few places Cter could relax her aura during the long, zigzagging journey back to Jarasevo across the landscape of Hjearta and Monster Country. Had anyone thought ahead they would have asked the Royal Messengers to conduct some landscape surveying while they were busy flying over all the known lands.
But oh well…
"Guess it'll be awkward when the humans come and knock on the Barrier to ask for a few cups of map."
The bend of Aajja's neck swerved around to give Cter a rather baffled glance. "Pardon?" His wings froze in the middle of a beat, leaving them curved in feathery arcs for the few seconds of quiet that grew between the Griffon Commander and the Fourth Monster Mage.
"Nothing," Cter dismissed with a shake of her head. "Just thinking out loud." It was something she felt that she had to get out of her, but she did not mean for Aajja to hear it. She waved her hand to dismiss it further. "Nothing."
Aajja kept his head and eyes still against Cter's for the remainder of his continuing wing beat, with his neck absorbing the recoil. "Okay," he said with a small nod. "I trust you." He waited for another few seconds before looking forwards again. "Just wanted to make sure with you."
"Yeah."
Cter understood why.
"Thank you, Aajja."
Back when at the last village when they were preparing for the second half of their journey after only opening up the cork of the old bottle of wine to celebrate, but without drinking any of it to be joyous about the moment, there was a realization that washed over Cter. It had begun almost as soon as Aajja opened up the cork of the grimy bottle while proclaiming their success in their mission.
Weak at first, but with a steadying increase within Cter as the two continued the joyless celebration over that they had succeeded with saving all of the monsters that the Monster Royals had entrusted them too. As she nodded along with what Aajja had said, even if it was just out of obligation, the growing feeling within her became stronger and stronger, but waiting.
Waiting until Aajja had finished his impromptu speak. Waiting until he had raised the grimy bottle to toast to Cter, him, and the Monster Royals. Waiting until he lowered the bottle back down with an unsure couple of turns of his head as to where to place it. He found an empty table at a nearby house, and once he placed it down, he declared the first half of their mission to be over.
It was then that what had grown within Cter finally overwhelmed her. It was then that she felt her entire being become faint, forcing her to sit down on a nearby patio which needed repairs. Her head disappeared into her palms heavier than heavy, with her barely able to hold it up even with both of her hands holding it.
And then she wept.
She no longer had to act the Royal Messenger. She no longer had to be the one that condemned the monsters to a life without sun or grass. She no longer had to land at another village and feel how cold and afraid monster auras could become. It was over. It was all over! She did not have to do another one!
All that she had to keep dull in order to complete her mission welled up like a flash flood after heavy rain, pouring out her eyes without stop or any hindrance whatsoever. Her cheeks were flush and red, swollen with the tears she could finally let pour out of her. All of the fearful eyes. All of the betrayed auras. All of the disgust aimed her way.
And Romrom…
She hadn't even been able to mourn her grandmother! She hadn't been able to cry over the fact that Romrom had died in such fear that it had bled into the ink of her journal. Once Cter had realized that, she only saw it as an opportunity. A way to feel something good among the dullness she had forced upon herself. Something to do. Something to feel emotional about, but in a way that she could still be distant towards her emotions so that she could keep that protective dullness within her. She extracted those emotions, categorized them, wrote with them.
But never actually felt with them.
Once she no longer had to keep that dullness though, everything crashed inside her soul. All the faces, all the auras, and that she felt neither of those from Romrom. She was gone. Gone before Cter could do anything to save her. Cter mourned. On a broken patio in the middle of the last village she had arrived at to send all of its inhabitants to a new life that they had no choice in the matter about she mourned her grandmother, far away from the urn that had kept her dust.
Far away from the mountaintop where she had traveled to with her father and mother to spread the dust into the winds of Hjearta. It took them a week of trekking through the winter forest and up the winter mountain to reach where the ashes of the previous Village Elders had been spread, and the three remaining humans of their family had barely said a word to each other during that trek.
The most they spoke was when Aajja flew up to carry them all back home, and that was mostly Cter's father and mother speaking with Aajja instead of with her. They thanked him for helping their daughter with her duties as a Monster Mage, however there was more that they wanted to tell him. More they wanted to speak to a monster about.
Since they could not anymore with the one they had spread the dust of.
"It is a world that we do not understand or have done anything to involve ourselves in, and yet it is a world we are endangering by our mere existence, apparently," had Cter's father said with a forlorn tone to his voice. Cter had not heard it from him ever before.
"I was a soldier before in the Hjearta army, but I was not called to muster for the Final Battle. I supported Romrom through everything, and she knew that. I am a human, and I would never hurt a monster the way my apparent human soul would. I am wedged between thinking of it all as bogus due to me not being able to possibly imagine raising a finger against monsterkind the way this human soul of ours is supposed to make us, and agreeing fully that the Underground is the best solution for all of this."
He struggled with his words, but his soldier's discipline carried him through.
"If this human soul of mine can even make someone like me, or someone like my wife, be filled with such killing intent towards monsters despite having lived the best years of our lives under the wings of such a wonderful soul, then it is truly to be feared. I am of two minds of this, and it brings me great sorrow knowing that my only child has to go through being in this tightening wedge. Therefore I thank you, Aajja, Commander of the Griffon Battalion of the Royal Guard of Jarasevo, for helping her come through this."
Had it been possible, Cter would have wanted Aajja to take her parents down the mountain without her so that she could spend some time alone asking the previous Village Elders what to do. If they would all answer, including Romrom, then it would help confirm that in the end both the souls of monsters and humans arrived at the same place. It would confirm that after death there was peace between the souls of the two races.
And if that was the case then perhaps there was a possibility for peace in life as well.
"Out of the question, Cter. You're not staying alone here."
The direct, non-negotiable statement Cter's mother had inherited from Romrom, so there was no arguing against it even at the best of times. Not even with the explanation of the emergency magical flare that would summon Aajja at a moment's notice was enough. Cter knew that it wasn't possible for her to stay up there, but straws were the only thing she could grasp at. Anything else had just poured out of her hand.
Like dust between her fingers.
"I do not know even a fraction of what you have gone through, my child. However, I believe it is best if it stays that way. I do not say it for me though, but for you. You need a break from the world. A break from being the one to carry all of its weight. If that means that you want to tell me everything then go ahead, child. Do what is best for you. However, I suggest that you let me take care of you the same as I did when Romrom was still with us. I was there to give you everything except magic, and I fear that should you want to come to me for comfort about magic then you will not find it. It is not who I am, child. I am your human mother, Cter. I can lend you my human ears. I would give them to you without hesitation should I need to. My soul, however, I can not."
It was not what Cter wanted her mother to give her. What she said was true that Cter did not want to burden her parents with the world she was involved within. Not with the nature of her visit. Not with what was going on in Jarasevo. Not with what was going on with the Underground.
And not that it would be the last time they would see each other.
Like her mother had said, her and Cter's father's life weren't that of magic and monsters. Their lives weren't that of Cter's. They were humans, and Cter wanted them to stay that way. It reminded her of Sarbor's reasoning about not revealing his soul to Idyll. An effort in vain, as the world decided to inform her outside of Sarbor's meaning, it turned out.
Despite that, it was still the best not to have her parents know anything. It was best for them to be unaware so that they would not be thinking about it. They could imagine, and must have done so time upon time again. They never knew though, so at least they could keep an unknowing dissociation with their souls. For that to be though it would have to be the last time Cter ever saw them.
Her farewells were that of seeing them again sometime once it was all over.
And upon the patio in disrepair she regretted it. Among all of the crashing emotions that thundered down into her soul like avalanches upon avalanches she regretted not saying her goodbyes properly to her parents who had done so much for her. They deserved to know that it was their last time seeing their daughter! They deserved to have Cter say that to them! To allow them to hug and never let go of their only child who had made them so proud beyond measure!
She did not have to tell them though.
"They already knew..."
They were her parents. They loved her beyond everything. There was no hesitation about it. There was no doubt at all!
"They already..."
And it only had the Monster Mage weeping for them more. The last act of her parents was to not have their daughter worry about them. Their last show of their love towards her was to wave her goodbye as they had last time.
"I'm so sorry..."
Smiling.
"Dad..."
Waving.
"Mom..."
With a basket of baked goods and a bottle of home-picked fruit concentrate for her to enjoy on her journey.
"Romrom..."
Singe her soul…
"I'm so sorry."
A small rocking motion had the Monster Mage blinking out of her thoughts. The cloudy world around her looked dizzy and shaky, with the gray blending together into wavy patterns as if it was a somewhat-perturbed sea.
"You were disappearing again, Cter," came a calm explanation from below. "I could feel rain on my back." The bendy neck angled upwards, with air catching the sail that was the gular. "And the clouds are all below us."
Cter wiped her eyes with her right-armed sleeve. "Yeah," she acknowledged. "Thanks." She wasn't at any risk of falling off the Griffon Commander as she could sleep on his back without worry while he also slept in the air. It was good that he woke her up from her thoughts though, as it was something that she still could not hinder slipping out of her soul. It hindered her from sensing the distant auras of those few monsters she might have missed on the first half of her mission. Clouded her own vision with tears, as it were.
And as it was.
"We will never know when the last time comes when we weep for those we've lost," said Aajja through a wide beat of his wings. "It is something we will always carry with us. Something we will always remember." Same with him during his perusing through the dormitories at Soul's School.
Once Cter had filled the first wooden casket with books and a hidden letter of the welcoming sign among the many changed titles she had walked over to the dormitories to ask Aajja for help with carrying them. Halfway to the functionally built brick buildings she had felt a deep lament emanating from within. She had turned back and carried the casket on her own with magic to give the Griffon Commander space for himself. He needed it, same as she did. "We can not let ourselves get lost in it though."
Cter would not have managed this mission of hers had Aajja not been with her. She dared not imagine how much longer it would have taken had she only had a carriage as an option. Had that been the case she most likely would still be at the first half of her mission. Probably not even reached her own village too.
"God..."
And how long had it been since last they set off? Three, four years? Cter had lost track. The winters spent in restless darkness had all blurred together. Same had everything else too. Like each blink had her standing in front of another village reading the same Royal Decree to then be relieved that another monster managed to muster up the hope to plead with her. So much she had written in her own book. So many emotions she had put into it to keep the status quo of her emotional dullness.
There was not a lot left to write though. There was not a lot left she wanted to leave for the next cycle. Only the last details of her plan which she wanted to write alone where she was meant to leave the legacy for the future.
"Is that...your tower there, Cter? In the far distance?"
Cter turned to look, but if Aajja wasn't able to see it clearly then there was no way that she would be able to. His neck stretched out to its full, elongated length, squinting through the slight fuzziness between two layers of clouds. His wings he held still throughout his squint, going so far as to let his magic bleed over his feathers so that they would keep still as well. For a few seconds Cter felt as if she was riding on top of a statue.
For a few seconds she felt slightly worried.
"I...think it is!" the Griffon Commander then cheered with relief in his voice raised enough to startle his passenger slightly. His next beat of his wings was playful, stopping just short of him spinning around with Cter on his back. "Jarasevo!" The dark of his eyes looked to shine bright, glimmering with the gold of the chain fastened under his lip. "Singe my soul..." he sighed deeply, dropping down a few lengths which he then climbed up again with a refreshing inhale. "It has been so long..."
That it had, but again, Cter did not know how long. Far too long was the only metric she was sure of. That Aajja could see the castle though, it had the Monster Mage breathing out in gulps, her vision darkening at the corners. It took a few more breaths for her vision to come back to her, and when it did, Aajja had turned his head towards her away from the Monster Capital in the far distance. "Cter?"
"We're home," she answered weakly, scoffing a smile through her uneven breaths. "We're home, Aajja." It had been so long! "We're so close to being back again!" Cter's grip tightened on the thick plumage. "We are almost done with our mission! Aajja, we are so close!"
There was so much more to be done.
There was so much more that was lying in sinister wait in the bleak horizon.
But for this?
"We get to see the city until we are done."
It was the silver lining among the many clouds they were flying through. The silver lining that was like gold to the two Royal Messengers. They had travelled so far, and just as much back again. Village upon village. Royal Decree upon Royal Decree.
There was so much more to be done.
"We get to see home."
But it felt so, so good to see it again.
"How I've longed."
To see home.
"We're back..."
Before it stopped being home.
