Where Christian tries to woo Ana…

Three months are over. I wonder how I should ask her to extend the arrangement without her thinking she's obliged to do so. I wonder if I can persuade her to end her contract with EE and date me regardless of the consequences? I mean at this point we both know we have more than a contractual relationship. Still..it feels weird.

Maybe a kind gesture from me will be a right thing to do? But what do I get a woman like Anastasia? A car? She definitely needs one. That death trap of hers won't make another winter. I'm not sure it's… personal enough. I've bought my former subs a car. Ana won't be happy that she got the same thing.

No, it has to be something thoughtful. Considerate. Maybe a new apartment? She hasn't got a place to stay. No. Too over the top. Besides, that will kind of make her my concubine. Also I kind of like the idea of here staying with me. Full time. Even though I was gone for the greater part of the week the idea of coming home and finding Ana waiting for me excited me. It ignited the idea that this could be a constant state. Being together all the time. Having dinner. Her asleep next to me. Every night.

God, I'm head over heels in love with her.

Back to the present idea. What could I give her that says.. I care about you and want us to continue our journey? Something that has a sentimental value to her..

Books!

I walk to my library. I've got a good collection of first editions. Like art and other collectibles it's a decent investment. I just need to remember what she'd like.. Wait. Those books that were ruined from the water leakage. I could replace those.

It's Friday afternoon and Ana has just entered my apartment. She gives me a kiss and goes back to my bedroom to change. Who am I kidding. At this point I can call it our bedroom. Since I have fallen asleep next to her several times without any incidents I eased up on the "no sleeping together rule". Best decision ever.

When she comes back she's attentive but a little distant. I wonder what's wrong with her.

"Everything alright with you?"I ask over dinner. She's pushing her roasted veg from side to side. That bothers me. I hate when people toy with their food. It takes me a great deal of willpower not to say something to her.

"Yes. I'm just a little tired." She says. Tired? Isn't that an excuse for married women to ditch sex? Why does it feel like she's not telling the truth.

Maybe her weirdo boss has made her uncomfortable again with his inability to communicate with people who own a vagina?

"I've got something for you." I come to a stand. Perhaps my present will lift up her spirits.

When I come back Ana is still deep in thought. I slide the wrapped parcels over the table. She eyes me insecurely.

"Go on. Open it."

She takes the small card attached to it.

Thank you for three wonderful months.

Attaching a small note is a habit I got from my mom. Totally unnecessary in this instance because the recipient knows what the occasion and who the gifter is.

Ana looks up from the card. Why does she look at me like that? That's definitely not the reaction I was looking for.

Before I can say anything, she begins to open the wrapping paper. Thanks Gail for having mad wrapping skills.

When she holds the first editions of Hardy Tess D'Urbevilles, she's speechless. Yes! That's what I was looking for. Something that's unexpected and memorable.

The moment she looks up from the books, my heart sinks into my gut. Are those tears? But not the good kind, accompanied by laughter and hugs of gratitude.

"Is that your goodbye present?"

"Sorry..? " I'm at loss here. What the hell is she thinking.

"Is this your over the top goodbye present you used to give to your subs when their contract ran out?" Thank God, I didn't get her the car! I have to say I'm quite relieved to hear the reason for her tears is a simple misunderstanding.

"No. Actually quite the opposite." At this point Ana is crying real crocodile tears. I take the base of her chair and pull her close to me.

"Ana. This was meant to be a great romantic gesture to ask you to… you know… stay together."

At least she's laughing while crying now.

"Really? I wasn't sure you wanted to..."

How in God's name did she conclude this?

"Ana. We had so many firsts together. I've introduced you to my parents. I asked you to stay at my place. And you still doubt that we are more than a contract, more than an Escort client relationship?"

God, what else do I have to do?

She just shrugs, looking kind of embarrassed.

"If it wasn't for EE I'd want to see you all the time. Every day. We wouldn't even need a time frame in the first place. I thought this was mutual.."

"It is. I just.. " She says. "..I wonder why? Why me? That's just.. "

This again. I hate it when she's so insecure. Doesn't she know how attractive she is? How much I want her?

"It is how it's supposed to be." I say. Two young people who want to be together. Yeah, I'm fucked up and kind of an asshole. She's.. just Ana, woman extraordinaire. Against all odds, we want each other. That's reason enough.

"Except, there's one thing I'd like to change." I say.

Now or never, Grey.

"Yes?" she says and her eyes are big in anticipation.

"You could put some of your stuff here. Actually all of it. And sleep here. Every day. With me." Yeah, I just unlearned to speak in full phrases.

"You want me to move in with you?!" Surprised doesn't even cover how she looks right now. Shell shocked would be more appropriate.

"Please." Always be polite, thanks for raising me right mum.

"Christian, I.. " she stands up. Well this doesn't sound good.

"I know you're afraid of EE. But seriously. It's been weeks since we started seeing each other without them knowing. And nothing happened. I have this feeling it's just empty threats. You can just quit. Seriously, what can they even do? Even if they tried to harm you, do you think I would let that happen. I can protect you." Wow. I didn't plan to make a speech but some things had just been piling up inside of me.

I want Ana to myself without all the crap around it.

"That's the problem. What happens if you won't be around to protect me. What will I do then if they decide to come after me, fine me or whatever it is they do. I'll be without a place to stay and a shit load of problems." She says angrily.

Surprisingly I cannot see a situation where I won't be around to protect her. But what she says isn't illogical. We haven't been together for a long time and what I'm implying is a real long term commitment.

"Besides, I've already told Kate I'll be moving into Elliot's and her place."

What? This is news.

"And when were you planning on telling me that?" Now I'm the angry one.

"I just did." Oh really? Nice.

I also come to a stand. I need a fucking drink.

"Again, you treat me like a stranger…" I say loudly although more to myself. What have I done to deserve being pushed away by her again and again? It's almost like she's not as invested in this as I am. God. Maybe she is into this because of my money after all. Would explain why she's holding on to EEs clauses like her life depends on it.

I have to admit I'm actually hurt. I gifted her those books in hope she'll like them. They made her cry. I asked her to move in with me. She refused. How am I supposed to feel right now?

Honestly, I cannot look at her. Seeing her makes all of this rejection even more painful. For the first time in my life I have a faint idea how some of my subs felt when they wanted more from me and I didn't reciprocate. It sucks.

"Christian.." She says and gone is her anger. I hope she won't start crying again, at this point I'm not capable of any more… feelings.

"I hope you like the books. I'm sorry I took you by surprise with my offer.. " I need to get out of here. With my drink in hand I make my way to the terasse, leaving Ana behind me at the dining area. Thankfully it's a clear sky tonight. I take a sip from my drink.

Where does all of this leave us? There were several occasions where I had doubted if she'd leave me, none of them happened though. Tonight however, nothing had gone to plan and it made me feel like we've hit a dead end. This cannot work if Ana rejects me again and again. I just am not resilient enough. Hilarious situation, actually. To think of it, I'm extremely successful in whatever I do because I'm persistent and resilient. But the only thing.. The only one I want is somehow unreachable and I'm too weak to pursue her properly. Ana is just locked away behind clauses and rules and shit.

A warm hand sneaks around my arm to grab me in an embrace, it shakes me out of my thoughts. Scary, how her touch is getting more and more acceptable. I didn't even flinch when she approached me.

"Can I think about it?" she says and presses a kiss on my upper arm.

"About what?"

"Moving in with you." She looks at me with a questioning gaze.

So it isn't a lost cause then! My heart beats painfully fast.

"Of course." She leans up to me, I turn towards her and we kiss. Just a delicate kiss.

"Ana, why do you always keep me at bay. Have I ever done something to be so unworthy of your trust?" I really need to know.

I can see several emotions crossing her face, none of them long enough for me to grasp. What is it I'm missing here?

"I'm trying to protect myself." She says after a long time being unreadable.

"From what?" Me?

"Being hurt." I let that sink in for a moment. I could say the same. Hell, Ana is one of the few people on this habitable spaceship called earth that has the power to really hurt me.

"I won't hurt you."

"Funny how you say that, having a room full of whips and chains waiting for me." The corner of my mouth has a brain of its own and jumps up into a smirk.

"So that's what this is about? The punishments?"

"Actually no. I wasn't initially talking about your red room of pain but it is true none the less." Red room of pain? That's how she still sees it? After all the fun we had in there? I let that slip for now.

"So what were you initially saying?"

"Oh Christian, it's obvious. Don't act so obtuse."

Nobody has called me that before. Obtuse.

"One day, you'll get tired of me. You'll go back to the way things were for you. There are hundreds of women waiting in line, just for one opportunity for you to allow them to be your submissive.. " she looks away.

"There's no sense in repeating why what we have is special to me." I retort. I'm at loss here. She won't let go of this stupid mindset. "Actually for any kind of relationship there's no guarantee that it'll work out in the long run which doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best to make it work."

Her head snaps back to look at me again.

"For me you're the first and only woman I even wanted to try my best. I'm giving you my all. If my words or my actions aren't enough.. Then I don't know what is."

This is it. The moment of truth. It always comes down to trust.

"You have been amazing. This is my problem. You didn't do anything wrong." She puts her hand on my cheek.

God Ana, I desperately want this to work. Please, just give us time to make this work.

"Can we just.. continue the way we've been together? Maybe things will become clearer after some time. Do you think that'll be enough for now?" she asks.

"It's more than enough." I say and grab her to lift her to my lips. Time. She's giving us time. She refuses to move in with me. Alright. But she accepts that she'll still be mine. And that's what matters in the end.

We still have so much ahead of us. Maybe Welch will find something to help us out of this wicked situation.

What is important is that Ana wants to be with me and I have the opportunity to be with the woman that I love.

Thank you for your comments and encouragements!

See you next week!

xx