Set in book 3. Not my best work, but I hope you enjoy it :).
She didn't know how she ended up in his bed, but she knew this was in no way, shape, or form good.
Since Belly was 12, she had been dreaming of one day waking up in Conrad's bed at the Beach House. Every summer, she thought about what it would feel like to wake up in his room, with him holding her and the sun waking them both in the morning.
But that was all it was—a dream. A dream that never turned into reality until today, because she was in fact laying in Conrad's bed, but he was nowhere to be seen.
It was hard trying to think of what to do. Dizziness was the first thing she felt when she got up. Remembering the night prior turned out to be an impossible task. The one thing she knew for sure was that she had been drinking; the dizziness and her throbbing headache gave that away.
She sat up, trying to steady herself for a few seconds. Sitting on Conrad's bed, she let her eyes wander around the room. If she convinced herself enough, she could imagine that she was still 16, Susannah was still alive, and nothing bad had ever happened.
The door opened, ripping her out of her reverie. Conrad stood in the door frame, his hair sticking out in all directions, looking like he had just woken up himself. Where did he sleep?
Belly felt relief, comprehending that she and Conrad didn't sleep in the same bed. That would've upset Jere to an extent Belly wasn't certain he would ever recover from. Considering Belly never dared to tell Jeremiah about her sleeping with Conrad either, she was glad this situation wasn't another secret she had to keep to herself.
"How are you feeling?" Conrad asked her. She couldn't read his face, and the tone of his voice was distant. It almost seemed like he was in pain. Belly wasn't so sure anymore if she wanted to know what happened.
"My head is killing me." Belly answered, and Conrad smiled weakly at her answer. He walked over to her and sat down next to her. She could feel the heat of his body, and it made her nervous. The room filled with silence for a few seconds until Belly spoke up again, trying to understand what was going on.
"What happened last night? Did I sleep in your bed?" There was a burning sensation in her chest; she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the feeling of him so close to her.
Conrad was sitting right next to her, their shoulders almost touching. He took a deep breath, and after turning his head to meet her eyes, he started explaining.
"You were drunk, and I was in bed trying to sleep." Conrad looked away for a second; it seemed like whatever he was about to say was going to be uncomfortable. "I don't know where you got the alcohol or why you drank so much, but you knocked at my door." Now Belly was the one taking a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever he was about to say. Conrad looked away and continued. "I opened the door, and you were asking me if you could sleep in here with me." His cheeks turned red. "I-I mean, you were asking to sleep in my bed with me." Belly didn't dare to look at him, and part of her was glad that he was also avoiding her gaze. It was like her whole body was filled with shame. This situation was already so hard on both of them, and she had to make it worse.
"Conrad, I'm sorry." Belly muttered. There was nothing else to say. How could she lose control like this? Maybe it wasn't a good idea to stay at the Beach House with Conrad weeks before her wedding to his brother after all. Too little, too late.
"Don't be. It's fine." He turned his head to look at her again.
"No, I shouldn't have done that." Belly sighed, getting lost in his eyes. Regardless of how messy this whole situation is, his eyes still made her feel safe. Him looking at her felt like a warm hug, welcoming and all-consuming.
"What happened after that?" She needed to know the full story. Shame would consume her either way, might as well hear all of it.
She felt Conrad stiffen next to her, and that wasn't a good sign. What did she do, and why couldn't she remember any of it?
"You- listen, Belly I don't think it's the best idea to talk about that right now. You have a wedding to focus on, and—"
"Stop it. Please tell me. I'm begging you, Conrad." Her eyes were pleading with him to just tell her.
"You asked me to hold you just one more time, and you said your heart is aching from being with me every day. Then you started crying. That was it. I waited until you were asleep, and then I went into your room to stay there for the night." Finishing his sentence, he physically relaxed.
Belly didn't talk again. Both of their faces were now so close to each other that she could feel him breathing. If one of them moved just a little bit, they would be kissing. She looked at his lips and then back at his eyes. For the first time in a long time, she felt butterflies in her stomach. His presence was making her feel things she thought she had buried a long time ago.
Neither of them looked away. She wanted to kiss him more than anything in this moment, but she knew she couldn't.
"Conrad—" Belly stopped whatever was happening, and they put some distance between them. "We can't." He knew exactly what she was talking about. She couldn't do that to Jeremiah, and he didn't want to either.
"Listen, Belly, it's probably too late for this, but I can't keep all of this in anymore." Her eyes met his again, and the tension was high. "I love you. In fact, I never stopped loving you. This is my last chance to tell you all of this, so please just listen." He inhaled deeply. "If you want to marry him, I can't stop you. I fucked up that night at the motel, and I'm sorry. I should've said all of this earlier. All I want for you is to be happy. But I want- need you to know that I don't think I could ever get over you. My chest physically hurts from not being able to tell you that I love you. Because I do, I do love you, Belly."
After his confession, they just sat there, staring at each other. For a second, Belly thought she had stopped breathing. Her heart was racing, her palms were sweating, and she felt tears forming in her eyes. She felt all the emotions: anger, sadness, relief, and, most of all, love. Love was the scariest of them all. She was engaged to his brother, and Conrad still made her feel things that Jeremiah never did and probably never would. Conrad stopped her spiraling deep down in her thoughts when he spoke up again.
"I should probably go." He sounded broken.
"Conrad— I don't know what to say." Belly said, even though she knew. I still love you, too.But she couldn't say that. She couldn't hurt Jere like that again; she promised him she wouldn't. It was her fault. How could she ever start something with him when she never really got over Conrad? She so desperately wanted someone who told her how they felt, maybe back then it didn't even matter who it was, she just wanted someone.
"I get it, really." Conrad stood up and gave her a weak smile while walking out the door. She was left alone in his room, sitting on his bed.
It all had to stop. She let her eyes wander around the room, thinking she would find an answer within these four walls. She saw the picture of him and Susannah at Christmas. Conrad was probably around 9 or 10, and Susannah wore this beautiful beige dress. She loved that dress, Belly thought to herself, smiling. Conrad looked genuinely happy in that picture. Would he be happy with Belly, too? She hadn't seen Conrad happy in years, and she knew it was partly her fault.
Conrad avoided her for the next two days. He still talked to her, and smiled here and there, but it was clear that he tried everything to not be alone with her for too long. It annoyed her. She didn't even know why because he was still Conrad – just distant. Maybe she craved his presence more than she wanted to accept.
That evening, Conrad took a walk on the beach, and Belly saw her chance. She just wanted to talk to him.
"Conrad!"
Conrad stopped and saw her walking towards him.
"Can we talk?" She asked, only a few steps away from him.
"Yeah, sure." He said. Even his voice was distant.
"I don't know what to do, Conrad. I know I screwed everything up. With you and Jere. I never wanted to come between you." Belly waited for a response, but nothing came, so she continued. "I'm sorry. This is all too much. I really thought I could love Jere—" Belly saw Conrad flinch for a second. "—I mean, I do love him, but I love you too. Conrad, you consume me. I dream of you; I think about you, even when I know I shouldn't. I can't stop it." Belly looked at him, searching for something. Forgiveness? She didn't know. "But we can't do this. Not now. I don't want to hurt either of you again. I know I can't marry Jere, and I hate myself for it. It's all my fault."
Belly and Conrad didn't talk for a long time after that night. They both knew they needed some distance to grow separately.
Regardless of where they were, it still felt like there was this invisible string pulling them back to each other.
The first time it happened, it was two years later, around Christmas time. Just like last time. Belly thought to herself. She just came back from Spain, and all she wanted was to go to the Beach House. She asked Jere if anybody would be there, they were friendly now, and sometimes it seemed like nothing romantic ever happened between them.
Even though he said no, she saw Conrad's car in the driveway when she arrived. They hadn't talked in two years, besides his letters. He sent her letters when she studied abroad in Spain, and Belly felt like she was 16 all over again. It felt like falling in love again, but she knew they both needed more time.
When Conrad opened the door, his eyes lit up. He took her in his arms and spun her around. They just talked that weekend about Spain and Stanford. Neither of them mentioned their relationship, but they both knew. They knew that there was hope, they both felt it.
The next time they saw each other again was at Belly's college graduation. She saw him after receiving her diploma and walking down the stage. His smile was so big that Belly thought she had never seen him smile like this before.
That night, there wasn't a lot of talking. Belly asked him if he wanted to come to her apartment after her small gathering with family and friends. He just nodded and smiled. Everything after that was a blur, there was a lot of kissing, holding each other, touching, and laughing. She finally felt whole again.
Two years later, Belly moved in with Conrad. They lived in California together; Conrad was nearly finished studying medicine and becoming a doctor.
That first night of living together, Belly snuggled up to Conrad, holding him as tightly as she could.
"Conrad?" she asked.
"Yes, Belly?"
"I think dreams do come true. Not always, but sometimes." She didn't specify what she was talking about, but he knew. He always did.
