Hi everyone, I know the story started out slowly but I hope you'll stick around. Please drop a comment if you have time, I really appreciate them!

When Soda opened his eyes he didn't immediately understand what was going on. He felt groggy and he wasn't sure what time it was. The room looked familiar, but it wasn't his bedroom.

"Soda? Soda, are you ok?"

He turned his head slightly to the side, looking up to find Steve staring at him. He looked nervous, but he wasn't wearing army clothes. Were they in bootcamp? What was going on? "Steve?" he whispered, not moving. His body felt heavy and in the haze that still enveloped him he just wanted to go to sleep.

"Yeah, it's me. Are you ok?" he repeated, trying to help him sit up. Soda winced but managed to do so, as Steve propped his back against the wall behind him for support. "I was in the garage, came in here for a break and you didn't look so good, then... I guess you passed out." Steve was biting on his bottom lip, a sure sign of nervousness. "How do you feel?"

Soda pondered the question. The fog was slowly starting to lift, and he remembered. Of course they weren't in bootcamp. They had gone through all that already - they had gone through the year in Vietnam, too. They had been home for ten days and today had been their second day back at the DX, working on the same shifts. For that, Soda was grateful. "I feel... very tired," he admitted, rubbing his eyes. Even his arms felt like lead.

"Have you been sleeping lately?"

Soda blinked. Steve had cut straight to the chase, and Soda didn't want to lie. He figured out of everybody his best friend would be the one to understand him the most, having been shipped overseas himself. "I..." he hesitated. "I had some bad nights," he finally conceded, exhaling slowly.

"And I bet you haven't been eating, either."

"You were over last night, we had dinner together. You saw me eat," Soda pointed out, still not making any sign of getting up. Steve was kneeling beside him, a slight frown on his face.

"Actually I didn't, seeing as you left most of the food on your plate."

Soda watched him get up and disappear to the other side of the counter, but he barely had time to wonder what was going on because he came back right away holding a chocolate bar and a Pepsi. "Here," he simply said, shoving both in Soda's hands. "You need to eat something. And don't try and stand up till you're finished," he warned him, trying to sound threatening but failing miserably.

"Thank you," Soda muttered before biting into the bar. God, how he'd missed chocolate while he was away. He started feeling better as he swallowed the last of the food with a few gulps of the cold sugary drink, and he finally started to stand up. He felt Steve's stare on him, but ignored it. To tell the truth, he felt a bit embarrassed by what had just happened. "Sorry," he told Steve with a small, apologetic smile.

But his friend didn't seem to think it was a big deal and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "I guess sleep can't be helped... but at least try to eat more," he told him, crossing his arms over his chest with a little sigh.

Soda nodded. He knew Steve understood. He would be surprised if he wasn't having some bad nights himself, but he couldn't ask him. Ever since getting back, Steve didn't seem to want to talk about Nam at all. He would talk about bootcamp, that was fine, but the actual time spent overseas - no, it was all too raw. It was too early to exchange stories and anecdotes about what had happened over there.

And Soda didn't press him to speak about it because he felt the same.


The dreams - the nightmares - couldn't be avoided, and most of all they couldn't be ignored. They stuck to him as if etched into his very being, and he was lucky if he got a few hours of sleep in a row without waking up. He had even woken up his brothers a few times, and he'd toyed with the idea of asking Ponyboy to sleep with him like they used to, but he didn't want to appear weak and he didn't want to make Darry and Pony worry about him. Well, not anymore they were already worrying, anyway.

By the end of the shift Soda was dead on his feet and incredibly glad to be going home. He was also glad Steve was driving, because he felt like he could fall asleep at the wheel, and that troubled him a little. Surely feeling so tired wasn't normal? Steve seemed to be doing fine, well, better than him anyway.

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He probably just needed to eat more, like Steve had insisted he should do. He wasn't running on pure adrenaline here like he'd been doing in Nam. It was bound to take its toll sooner or later, he guessed.

"You staying for dinner?" Soda asked Steve as he got out of the car.

He shook his head. "I'll tell Two-Bit it's just me and him tonight, you get some rest. I'll pick you up in the morning for work."

"Sure. And... thanks for earlier," he added, still feeling guilty for passing out, as if he'd asked for something like that to happen. Steve only nodded before driving off, and Soda turned to go inside.

He found Ponyboy sitting at the kitchen table, scribbling furiously. "Hey, Pony," he smiled softly. He still had a hard time believing he was back home, and whenever he saw his brothers the feeling of numbness that usually permeated him seemed to lift a bit.

"Hi, Soda! How was work?"

He was staring at him with a bright smile and Soda decided he definitely wasn't going to tell him nor Darry about him passing out in the middle of the afternoon. "Nothing special. How was school?"

Pony started telling him about his classes and Soda found that he didn't mind just sitting there and listening, occasionally making a remark or asking a question. He didn't feel like talking much, himself, and he was too tired to do anything else, anyway. He realized that they'd better start on dinner soon, though, he wanted Darry to come home to a nice warm meal.

But he just felt exhausted.

"Soda? Are you alright?"

Ponyboy was looking at him with apparent concern now and he could only guess he must look as tired as he felt. "Yeah, it was just a long day. Maybe we should start dinner, so when Darry gets home we can all eat."

"You look sleepy. Why don't you go lie down? I'll start cooking," Ponyboy got up and opened the fridge.

Soda didn't reply at first. His gaze downcast, it was as if he got lost in a trance. Or a dream. A bad one.

"Soda?"

He finally snapped out of it and raised his eyes to meet Ponyboy's. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Of course I don't. And I had a lighter day than you so it's only fair I cook."

"Thanks, Pony." he got up and yawned, before moving toward the bedroom. He was only going to lie down for ten minutes, then he would go and join his little brother and help him out.

Without thinking, he grabbed a blanket and placed it on the floor, before lying down on it. The hard surface didn't bother him at all. He actually found that drifting off to sleep was much easier that way.


Ponyboy was trying not to show it, but he was worried for his older brother. The joy he had felt when Soda had returned safe from Vietnam had quickly dissipated when he'd realized just how hard it must have been for him, and how different things were going to be.

He felt selfish wishing they could all just fall back into their old routine, especially when he knew Soda had been fighting in a war while he and everyone else back home had gone on with their regular lives. Not that it had been easy. Ponyboy had got worse in school for a while, finding incredibly difficult to focus when all he could think about was his brother facing dangers everyday on the other side of the world.

But after a while, and after regular letters from Soda had started coming in the mail, he'd started feeling a little better. Having Darry had also been a huge help - he always managed to appear so strong, so collected, and when he reassured Pony that Soda would come back he believed him.

Now, as he made dinner, he wondered how Soda really felt. Ponyboy couldn't even imagine adapting to his old life after living as a soldier for one year in a country so far, so different from home. No matter how many times Soda openly stated that he was so happy to be back, he still feared he wasn't completely serious. He saw it in his eyes, in his smile. Something was different there. But he kept telling himself that his brother just needed some time and then everything would go back pretty much to the same way it used to be. Why wouldn't he be happy to be home, after all?

He wouldn't admit it out loud, but Ponyboy was worried about Steve, too. He seemed to have grown colder and his short temper had got even worse, and that was saying something considering he'd always had a short fuse.

Sighing, he stirred the soup he was making. It was a chilly evening and he thought everyone would enjoy some soup and toasted bread with butter. Darry should be home anytime now, he thought, and he went to wake Soda. He'd been sleeping for a little over half an hour and dinner would be ready in a few minutes.

Soda wasn't in his bed, though, and Ponyboy frowned when he noticed he was sleeping on the floor. Maybe he'd fallen out of bed? But then why was a blanket under him, as if he'd placed it there on purpose?

He knelt down beside him and gently touched his shoulder. "Soda..."

Soda immediately jerked awake, surprising Ponyboy. Even in the darkness that engulfed the room, he realized his brother was looking around as if trying to figure out where he was. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just, dinner's ready..."

Soda blinked sleepily and rubbed his eyes. "No, it's ok. Thank you, Pony," he murmured, before slowly getting to his feet.

Ponyboy hesitated. He wanted to ask him about the sleeping on the floor bit, but at the same time his brother looked extremely worn out and maybe he wasn't in the mood for talking. So, he quickly decided to drop the subject, and as they settled down at the kitchen table with Darry a couple of minutes later he kept staring at him, as if he could read his mind if only he focused hard enough...

"Soda, you don't like the soup?" Darry asked, bringing Ponyboy back to reality. Soda had barely touched it.

"It's good, I'm just not very hungry..." Soda slowly said. "Maybe I can have some later," he added, smiling lightly.

Ponyboy glanced at Darry. He didn't seem thrilled, but he also didn't look like he wanted to be pushy. "Sure, little buddy."

"I guess you don't want chocolate cake either?" Ponyboy piped up. He wanted some, so he got up and retrieved whatever cake was left from the fridge.

"I'll have some cake," Soda replied right away. Ponyboy cut him a slice and as he observed him going back for more after he was done he eyed Darry, wondering why he wasn't saying anything.

"I just... I really missed our chocolate cake," Soda softly said when he was done, looking at both his brothers. "It tastes like home... like family."

Ponyboy didn't know what to reply. They were such simple words, but so heavy with meaning. There was nothing he could say that would make everything ok.

So he didn't. He got up and hugged Soda, and was happy to feel him reciprocate the hug right away. There was still an emotional distance between them, but he was sure they would fix everything. It would just take time.