A/N: I am so sorry for such a delay between chapters. My husband and I celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary by going on a cruise to the Bahamas! I wanted to make sure this chapter was perfect and not rushed so I waited until we got back. In some other good news, if you've read my other fic, Sail Away (I know. I suck. It's been like a year since I've updated) I will be updating that in the next coming week or so as well!
Anyone else excited about Billy being in the new season as an actual ACTIVE Ranger it seems?
Enjoy!
Chapter Nineteen
Pretending
"Kim! The phone is for you!" One of the girls called from the common room of our shared dorm room. I jogged from my place in my room, seeing the phone sitting on the top of the unit that hung on the wall. Picking it up, I brought the receiver to my ear.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hey, beautiful." Tommy's warm voice said in my ear, causing a smile to spread over my lips.
"Hey yourself, handsome." I replied. "How are things back in Angel Grove?"
"The norm. Giant monsters every day and algebra class. Rita has nothing compared to Miss Applebee's tests every week." l giggled at his joke.
"She's a tough one, that's for sure. How's the rest of the gang?"
"Good. Everyone is doing well. How are you?"
"I'm doing okay. Tryouts for the first slot are tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'll be able to call."
"It's okay. I have a study group tomorrow with everyone for chemistry. We have a huge test on Friday and I'm not confident I'll do well without that."
"Oh." I replied, feeling a stabbing feeling in my chest. Again, he was going to be with everyone and didn't mind missing another phone call with me. I knew I was being silly but it still sat funny with me.
"Kim? You okay?"
"Huh? Yeah. I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile even though he couldn't see me.
"I really miss you." He stated. "I was thinking about you and our first date this morning. I'd give anything to be able to spend time with you in person again."
"Really?" I asked.
"Of course! I'm counting the days down until Christmas when I'll get to see you." He replied. "I can't wait until I can wrap my arms around you again."
"I'm really happy to hear that, Tommy." I said, feeling tears mist my eyes. "I miss you too."
"Just remember that this is going to be worth it someday. You'll be a world-famous Olympic athlete and I'll be a karate master. We'll take our millions and buy a mansion somewhere in the suburbs and spend every day together to make up for the time apart. It'll be perfect."
"It sounds it." I whispered. "I hope it happens."
"It will. I promise. No matter where you end up, I'll find you. We were meant to be. You're my home, Kim."
"You alright?" a voice asked a while later. I had been sitting in silence so long, lost in my own thoughts that it startled me. Shifting, I saw that Trini was walking across the courtyard towards me, her hands crossed behind her back. She stopped on the other side of the fire pit, giving me a small smile.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I said. She said, shaking her head slightly. "What?"
"I've always found it amazing how well you're good at that."
"Good at what?"
"Pretending." She leaned against the back of the chair across from me. "You pretend you're okay. You pretend that you aren't feeling the way you are. You pretending that everything around you is okay so that the rest of us don't worry. That's where your gold medal is going to come from."
"Pretending…." I whispered, my voice trailing off. Had I been pretending? Was I really that good at putting up a front to protect other people? Or was it more about protecting myself?
"So…how are you really?" She asked.
"Well, I'm not sure." I replied, leaning back in my seat. "My boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire room of people who had no clue we were dating and I promptly broke up with him."
"Yeah. I saw that." She said, sitting in the chair next to me. "Jason told me that Tristan was planning on asking you tonight. I wasn't sure if telling you beforehand was the right thing to do or not."
"You were also not speaking to me so there's that." I said, glancing at her. She pursed her lips together, clasped her hands in her lap and nodded.
"Very true." We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the crackle of the fire filling the void. I took a deep breath, putting my hands on the chair on either side of my thighs.
"Trini, I never meant to make any of you guys feel like you didn't matter to me. In fact, you guys matter more to me than anything else I've ever had in my life. I just fell into the habit of thinking that I never asked how things were going because I would get jealous that I wasn't back home to go through it. There's a lot that I missed that you guys would tell me about when I would call and I had a hard time hearing about it. I think it caused resentment in me that I never realized. And after everything that happened with Tommy during your wedding, I just fought myself from asking how things were because I couldn't bare to hear anything about him. It wasn't that I didn't care. It was that I couldn't bring myself to think about everyone in Angel Grove having a life without me in it."
"Kim, we weren't having a life without you. We talk about you all the time. We always talk about your successes, things we hear about you in the news. We are all so insanely proud of you. And we should have been more considerate of what happened and how you must have been feeling. For us, it just seemed like you had moved on from our little group and that you were too busy. But I have been thinking after our fight and I know now that it was a two-way street and you aren't the only one to blame for what happened."
"I never meant for this to go this far." I said. "Any of it." She gave me a small smile.
"I know. Sometimes, life reminds us that we can only control what we can and the rest is up to fate."
"Not sure if I like the sound of that." We both chuckled. "So…you're gonna be a Mom."
"I am." She replied, grinning. "I will have to show you the video I have of Jason finding out. It's the best."
"I wish I could have been there for you more during everything." Looking at Trini, I realized that a part of me wished I had never been discovered. If I hadn't, I would have maybe considered moving back to Angel Grove or closer to home. I wouldn't have missed everything. But as I thought about it, I knew that it wasn't true. There was no guarantee that I would have just moved home once I knew that the Olympics wasn't for me. In fact, I had considered Paris or moving to New York. To think that I would have just simply come back home was foolish of me. Everyone had been right. I ran away from everything, choosing to blame the universe for what happened even though I had been the one behind it.
"It was my choice not to tell you. Putting all that blame on you wasn't fair. But, now you know and I want you to be there for as much of my pregnancy as you want."
"Oh, I will be there so much, you'll get sick of me." She laughed, nodding her head.
"I can live with that." She replied. "So, what are you going to do about Tristan now?" I snorted, shaking my head as I adjusted my position in the chair.
"Nothing. I wish I had broken up with him before he proposed but this is the best outcome I suppose. He deserves to be with someone who knows what they want out of a relationship and I couldn't be that person for him."
"I think that's the responsible thing to do." Trini said. "But, what about Tommy now?"
"Good question. If you know where I could find a time machine to go back to the 90's, let me know." Trini laughed, rubbing her hands on her arms.
"Well, unfortunately Billy hasn't done that yet. However, I really do think a conversation might do the trick as well. Tommy and you have been through so much. He might seem mad but I think he will come around."
"I don't think I'm going to push it right now. He's had a lot of change in the last couple of months. It took four years last time. Maybe that's the way we need to be."
"Kimberly, you know that isn't true. Obviously, he's going to want to see you. He wouldn't have came if he didn't think that it was worth waiting. I'm sure he just needs some time after all it happened."
"He wants nothing to do with me." I said softly.
"I wouldn't say that." Trini said, smiling. I realized she wasn't looking at me though. Instead, she was looking past me. Turning my head, I saw that Tommy was standing back a few feet from us. Trini stood up, adjusting her dress as she did. Walking over to me, she put a hand on my shoulder. "I'll leave you to it. Come find me later, okay?" She said softly, squeezing my shoulder before walking towards the door. She disappeared inside, leaving Tommy and I. I stood up, facing him.
"I didn't mean to intrude." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He stood there awkwardly, scuffing his feet on the cement under our feet.
"You didn't. Trini and I were just making up." I explained.
"How are you?" He asked, looking concerned. Those pools of warm chocolate with amber flecks stared at me, reminding me of warm summer days on the beach and nights together at his Uncle's cabin. The boy I had fallen in love with, now the man I was still in love with.
"I'll be okay." I said softly. "I'm really sorry that you had to be there for the proposal, Tommy. And I'm very sorry that he included you in the planning process like he did."
"It's alright. He wasn't aware of our involvement together."
"That was my fault. I should have been honest with him from the beginning. I don't know why I wasn't and, well, he's aware now." I breathed, wrapping my arms around me. "At least, he said he knows now. I just don't know what that involvement entails right now."
"That makes two of us." Tommy said, his voice barely above a whisper. Reaching over, he gently took my hands in his. "Kimberly…" his voice trailed off.
"Tommy, I lo-" I was suddenly cut off by the sound of the door next to us opening. Shayna appeared in the doorway, looking around. When her eyes landed on me, she smiled.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you. It's time for you to perform." She said. "The executives are waiting."
"I'm kinda in the middle of something." I said through gritted teeth, giving her a look that I was trying to express to her that she needed to get lost.
"It needs to wait. If you don't get up there in sing, both of our asses are gonna be on the line." She said, giving me an equally stressed look.
"It's okay, Kim." Tommy said, gently touching my arm. "We can talk after." He gave me a reassuring smile but I could sense there was disappointment behind his eyes.
"Damn it." I muttered, wishing I had gone into a less demanding career. Shayna grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the hotel.
"I'm really sorry, Kim. I didn't want to do that but I know what's on the line here if you're not up there."
"What do you mean?" I asked as we quickly walked towards the elevators.
"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you until everything is official…" She gave me a wide grin as we stepped on the elevator. "But they are ready to talk about increasing your contract and letting you add whatever you want to it. Do you know what that means?" She asked. I stared at her. "It means you can ask for any time off you want, whatever cities you want. Hell, maybe even that worldwide tour you've been pushing for! This is it, Kim. This is the break you've been working so hard for."
"Yeah." I said, my eyes casting over to Tommy who was slowly walking up the hallway towards the elevators are our doors shut. "It is."
A few minutes later, I was walking back on to stage. A single microphone was set up there along with my guitar. As I stepped out, the house lights went down and the ones at the front of the smaller stage lit up. Taking a deep breath, I approached the microphone and thought about the song I had planned on singing. It was my latest single, a little song about being in love on a summer night. Everyone was standing in the middle of the room, all eyes on me. In the lights, I could see the executives standing together to the right side of the room around taller tables. They were drinking and plates were in front of them where they had been eating. Picking up my guitar, I tossed the strap over my shoulders.
As I grabbed the neck of it, my eyes swept the room and landed on Tommy who was standing in the back of the room. Jason, Trini, Zack, and Billy were standing with him and I watched as Trini casted a worried glance in the direction of Tommy and then Jason. Tommy had a forlorn look to his face but he did give me an attempted smile when he saw I was looking in his direction. I bit my lip, not looking away from him.
Trini had been right. I had spent so much time pretending that this was where we were now. I've been pretending since the moment I stepped on a plane to leave for Florida, thinking that I was okay leaving everyone behind. I pretended to be alright 3,000 miles away from everyone I loved. I pretended that breaking up with Tommy was the right move for me and that I was okay after our break up. I pretended that I had moved on and that I was finding a new purpose in life after I wasn't able to make it to the Olympic team. I pretended that seeing Kat and Tommy have the happy life (or what I had assumed anyway) that we were supposed to have didn't bother me. I pretended that after we slept together and I thought he had chosen Kat over me that I was okay and was more worried about my career. I pretended that I had moved on from Tommy, even getting into a long-term relationship that I couldn't commit to. I pretended that I was coming back to Angel Grove to make sure Tommy was okay but in reality, it was for the selfish purpose of seeing him again. Since I've been back around him, I've been pretending that I could handle being friends with him and maintaining a relationship with Tristan.
I've been pretending that I wasn't still in love with him.
The lights on the stage moved, causing me to break my trance from Tommy. I stepped closer to the microphone and cleared my throat. "Hey, everyone. Thank yall for coming out tonight to celebrate with me. This is the part where I was supposed to sing my next single for yall to show my gratitude but I think I'm going to play a different song instead. This was something I haven't played for many people and it was something I wrote a few years ago. Enjoy." I stepped back, strumming the guitar a few chords. I could see Shayna looking like a pale panic attack in hiding as she gave me a look that I suppose was to signal me to stop veering from the plan. I turned so I couldn't see her as well, leaning back towards the microphone.
"We walk into the room, our eyes meet, hearts collide. A love so strong it's hard to hide, we're dancing side by side. But we wear these masks so well, pretending it's just a game. Hiding all the feelings, like a wildfire we can't tame." My eyes scanned the crowd again until they landed on Tommy again who was listening closely. As my eyes landed on him, it felt like the rest of the people in the room vanished. He was the only one that mattered right now. I was singing to him.
"We laugh and we talk, like it's all just for show. But beneath the surface, emotions start to flow. We're playing with fire, dancing on a wire. Pretending not to love, our hearts are caught in the mire." I strummed, picking up into the chorus. "We're two fools in denial, playing this charade. Pretending not to love, as our hearts quietly invade. Every stolen glance, every touch that we deny. We're two people pretending, while our love's about to fly."
I thought about Tommy. I thought about the last time we had been together. I thought about the look on his face when he saw me after Kat's funeral. I thought about what his arms felt like when they were wrapped around me. When I was near him, it was like time didn't matter. We were still just two kids in high school who were madly in love. Every obstacle in the world had tried to keep up a part; careers, dreams, wives, pride. But nothing worked. We were here together.
"We find ourselves alone, under the moon's soft light. Whispers in the darkness, our emotions taking flight. But we hold back the words, keep our feelings in check. Pretending not to love, like a dangerous bet. We're walking on thin ice, with every step we take. Holding onto secrets, a love we can't forsake. We're dancing in the shadows, trying not to fall. Pretending not to love, while craving each other's all." I sang, tears trying to well in my eyes as I did. "But how long can we keep up this masquerade? When the truth's written in the stars, in the promises we made. It's time to let go of the act, and let our hearts ignite. No more pretending not to love, it's time to set things right." I hit the high note on the end, closing my eyes as I did. I felt a tear slip out and roll down my cheek as I opened them again. Tommy looked at me with concern, emotion in his eyes as well.
"Kim…" I saw him mouth. I took a shallow breath to finish.
"We're breaking through the barriers, letting our hearts lead. No more pretending not to love, it's time to be freed. With every tender moment, every feeling we can't hide. We're two people embracing, in love's sweet surrender, side by side. Will we keep pretending?" I stepped back, everyone clapping as I finished the song. Shayna hopped on stage, coming to my rescue.
"Give it up for Kimberly!" She said into the microphone, clapping on the side of her head. Everyone clapped again, some people cheering loudly. "Kim is going to take a much deserved break while we roll out our DJ to keep you dancing!" She turned, gesturing her head for the back door. I mouthed 'thank you' to her before pulling the guitar strap over my head and setting the guitar back in it's holder on stage. I slipped out the backstage door, finding myself in the quiet hallway that led to the private kitchen area that connected to our banquet hall.
I also found Tommy.
To my surprise, he was leaning against the wall to my right not too far from the door. I wasn't sure how he managed to get over here so quickly from the back of the room but I sensed that some people had assisted him. He looked up when I entered, stepping towards me. I walked towards him, stopping just inches from him.
"Kimberly-." He started but I cut him off.
"Tommy, I love you." I said, gazing up at him. His eyes widened slightly with my admission, something that surprised me as well. "I always have, no matter the distance or the time apart. I just never realized that I was hiding those feelings from the world and myself to protect my heart from getting broken again. I want to be with you. I really do. But I don't want to mess this up again. I don't want the distance between us to end things. I don't want my career to have to be put on hold either. I want this so much but the fear of losing you again is what makes me want to run for the hills."
"I know the feeling. Everything in me says that even thinking about this is foolish but every time I see you, I know that you're my soulmate. There's no chance of me really living if I don't have you in my life. At least not a full life."
"Then…what now? How do we navigate this? How do we get back to where we were before without causing the worst to happen again."
"I've been thinking a lot about this. It's what I do since I haven't been getting much sleep. Since we are different people than who we were before when we were together, maybe it would be a good idea for us to get to know each other again. We can start a new relationship without everything from the past hurting what we're trying to build. We can take things one step at a time like we just met."
"You mean we should start dating? Like strangers?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.
"Why not? I'd love to get to know the award-winning country musician version of Kimberly Hart." He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone.
"I suppose getting to know the version of Tommy Oliver that is a picture-perfect Dad would surely be an adventure."
"Picture perfect? Oof. You'll have to lower that expectation down a little bit."
"Well, then I would make sure you keep yours about the award-winning down too." I said, smiling up at him. I took a deep breath, gripping his hands. "I really want this to work this time, Tommy." I whispered. "I can't lose you again."
"Hey." He said, pulling me into him. "You'll never lose me. Regardless of what happens, I'll always be that person in your corner. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life."
Leaning in, Tommy pressed his lips to mine. A million thoughts ran through my head, mostly of memories that the two of us had together. From the moment that we met to our first kiss, transitioning to our nights together and our times working as a team to save the Earth. Every part of my life that had been touched by Tommy in some way was swelling in my heart as the familiar feel of his lips enveloped me into a warmth I had missed. His kiss was sweet and eager and I could feel every pent-up emotion that Tommy had saved in his soul. I gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him closer to me. I had waited for this moment for so long, thinking that it would never happen, that I didn't want to let go. Tommy responded by wrapping his arms around me tightly, filling any void that was between us. I slid my hands up, slinking my fingers into his hair where I loved to borrow them when we were younger.
After a few moments, we pulled apart for air. He pressed his forehead to mine as we tried to catch our breaths. My lips were swollen from the kiss, them longing for Tommy's. I closed my eyes, wanting to take in everything going on around me right now from his scent to what he sounded like.
"I miss this. I missed you." He whispered, brushing his lips against my cheekbone. I opened my eyes, tears brimming them as he pulled away slightly to look down at me. When a tear slid down my cheek, he looked at me concerned before wiping it away. "What's wrong?"
"I'm scared that this is one of those good dreams that I'm going to wake up from and forget everything," I whispered. He smiled, cupping my face in his hands again.
"If this is a dream, I hope we never wake up."
