I woke up around nine the next morning and stared up at the giant fan that made up the ceiling. The fan led up to a vent that was disguised in Bobby's yard. It was also heavily warded and was where I had listened to Sam screaming when he was detoxing from demon blood before he went to Hell, and it was necessary for ventilation. As I looked at it, I wondered whether hunters could find it and whether they could break in that way. The wards only protected supernatural things from getting in and out, not people. But then the vent was really disguised from above. You'd only know it was there if you knew it was there, and it was well built, so if someone tried to break in that way, we'd definitely hear them, no matter how asleep we were.
I lay there and watched the giant fan spin lazily, my thoughts dark. I didn't feel as safe at Bobby's as I had before we found out that not only were Frank and Earl hunting me but a bunch of other hunters had joined in too. I especially didn't feel as safe now that we knew that they knew I was staying with Bobby. It was only a matter of time before someone came after me, and while hunters often preferred to hunt alone or in pairs, I wondered if they might join together in a larger group to come after me, considering who I had protecting me and where I was.
My chest felt heavy and my heart pounded like a rabbit's. Dean and Sam didn't want me with them. Bobby probably couldn't keep me safe and I didn't want him hurt trying, not after he got the use of his legs back, not after all the work that he was putting into recovering his soul. I just knew he was going to be able to get it back from Crowley, even though I didn't know how. Hunters tended to try to leave normal people alone, so Lisa and Ben weren't in any danger and neither were Drake and Jody as long as I stayed away from them or if they didn't know where I was.
If they didn't know where I was… The thought stuck to me and I couldn't unstick it. If no one knew where I was, wouldn't that make them and me the safest of all? Should I maybe… run away?
If I ran away, then I was choosing not to stay with anyone and I was the one making the decision not to put any of them in danger. Especially because, if you thought about it, Sam and Dean would be in as much danger as Bobby would be if a group of hunters ganged up on them. I could keep all of us safe and not have to feel like people didn't want me if I just didn't stay with anyone. I didn't have to belong. I could just go and keep my abilities hidden. No one would ever know and no one would have to die over stupid me.
Or… I could go find the hunters and solve the problem that way. They could gank the monster, me, and it would be over. Everyone else could go back to their normal lives.
I caught my breath at the thought, unable to move for a moment, tears streaming down my cheeks, my chest aching and aching, my lungs begging for air as I fought against a flood of terror. But a second later, I felt relief wash over me, loosening my muscles and making me lightheaded. To not be scared anymore, to not ache with this constant feeling that I was a burden that no one wanted, that only caused problems… it was so tempting. But at the same time, I couldn't do that. How many times had the guys told me and shown me how much I meant to them before? How many times had Bobby?
I couldn't just ignore that and let the hunters have what they wanted. Sam, Dean, and Bobby were always going on about fighting and not giving up. That was what most of their fights were about before Sam went to Hell. I couldn't just give up, not that way anyway, but I also couldn't keep going like this, living with Bobby when the bad guys knew where I was. I needed to hide, to disappear, if they were going to stay safe, if I were going to stay safe.
I slid out of bed and cleaned up my face with tissues while I thought about that. I didn't really want to, but I was going to have to run away.
It wasn't until I'd gotten completely dressed and went to open the panic room door that I noticed the piece of paper on the floor. Bobby had shoved it under the door or through the crack around the door or something. I could tell it was from him just by looking at it, based on the handwriting. I snatched it up to read it.
Stay in the panic room until I get back.
I rolled my eyes and crumpled the paper up. That was just well and good for him, wasn't it? He wasn't the one who had to pee. I could've just gone upstairs to use the bathroom and then come back down here, but I wasn't willing to do that after he'd spanked me yesterday. He probably would never know, but I also didn't want to be out of the panic room if one of those hunters actually did come to the house. And with my luck, if I left the panic room, that's when they'd come.
I settled in to wait. I had to make my escape plan anyway.
It was about an hour before he banged on the panic room door. I jumped and quickly closed the notebook where I'd been writing down what I was going to need to take with me when I went. I shoved the notebook under a couple of novels and went to open the door, still thinking about how I needed to get a map and some kind of weapon before I went.
"You okay, kid?" Bobby asked me, frowning, and that's when I realized I had opened the door and had just been standing there looking at him.
"Yeah, just… uh… thinking about some stuff," I shook my head to clear it and gave him a quick hug. "I'm glad you're back, I really gotta go!" Then I took off for the bathroom upstairs.
When I got out of the bathroom, he was waiting for me and handed me a bag with a breakfast sandwich and a carton of orange juice in it. "Here. Sorry you had to wait so long."
"Where were you?" I asked, digging out the sandwich and heading towards the couch in the library to eat. He took his normal spot behind his desk in front of the fireplace and started flipping through the books there.
"You know how Rufus got arrested?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I said, unwrapping my sandwich. Sausage, egg, and cheese, my favorite.
"Well, he's got a ring I need so I went to see Jody to see if she can get him out."
I looked up from my sandwich. "Is that what he swallowed?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said, squinting at the titles in the pile of books on the right corner of his desk.
"Can she get him out?" I asked.
"Yeah," he sighed, getting up and going to one of his bookshelves. "But she ain't gonna."
I blinked at him. "So… what are you going to do?"
He took off his cap and scratched the top of his head, not looking at me. "I'll figure something else out."
I spent most of the day watching television while Bobby did his research. I'd asked if I could help, but he told me I couldn't this time because what he was looking for was really specific. Around six that evening, Bobby moved into the kitchen, his expression troubled, and I guessed that his research wasn't going so well. I was sure about it when I heard the distinct sound of him uncorking a bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a glass. I didn't move from the couch, though. He'd been getting grumpier as the day went on and I didn't want to make it worse. He'd never take it out on me, but he was definitely giving off 'leave me alone' vibes. They were really similar to Dean's.
I'd just focused back on Law and Order: SVU when someone knocked on the back door. I jumped a mile high and leaned forward on the couch, looking around the television towards the kitchen. Bobby came through the doorway and pointed at me.
"Stay there. I mean it," he said and then went to the door.
The next thing I heard was Rufus saying, "Miss me?" I leaped to my feet and ran to the kitchen in time to see Rufus passing Bobby and coming into the house. Jody was still standing at the door.
"Rufus!" I exclaimed, shocked. But I didn't think I was half as shocked as Bobby. He tried to ask Jody how she got Rufus out but she cut him off and told him that he had one hour before she called the feds and told them that Rufus escaped. Then she told him that if she lost her job over it, she was taking it out of his ass and left.
"So it's Rufus now, is it?" Rufus asked me, getting a beer out of the fridge. I flushed from where I was standing in the doorway.. The last time I had seen him, I'd lost control and set his woodpile on fire thanks to Gabby. He'd been in the town that the horseman War had forced to tear itself apart, too, but I hadn't seen him there. I only knew he had been there because Ellen and Sam had mentioned it.
"Oh," I muttered. "Sorry, uh, Mr. Turner."
"Nah, you can call me Rufus," he said, looking around the kitchen. Bobby joined us.
"Tell me the ring is still in your stomach," Bobby said to Rufus in a flat voice. Rufus looked at him and then dug into his pocket and pulled out a ring.
Bobby looked at the ring and then back up to Rufus. "I'll go boil some water," he said and headed to the stove.
Rufus turned to look after him. "What?"
Bobby dug out a pot, filled it with water, and set it on the stove to boil before turning to me. "I told you to stay in the library," he scolded me, still looking a little shocky after actually getting the ring he needed.
I flushed for a second time, knowing I'd screwed up but not wanting to admit it. "I… it was just… I mean it was Rufus and Jody!"
Bobby crossed the room and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at me. He was shorter than Sam or Dean were by a bit, but he still towered over me and he wasn't happy. "When I tell you to do something, you do it," he snapped at me. "You're gonna get yourself killed!"
"Bobbyyyy," I whined and dropped my eyes to the ground, rubbing one of my calves with the top of the other foot.
"Get your butt in the corner," he ordered, pointing behind me towards the library where that stupid corner waited for me all the time.
My face really flushed then and I glanced at Rufus, who was pretending not to watch us. "But…" I started.
Bobby broke in. "Yeah, your butt in that corner," he snapped and put his hands on my shoulders to turn me around and lead me into the corner that way. It only made my humiliation worse. I could feel heat emanating from my face, from my ears. Tears sprang to my eyes. "You can stay there and think about doing what you're told," he said.
"Bobbyyy," I whined in a smaller voice when he let go of me, and I turned around. I couldn't handle the idea of standing in the corner while Rufus was there, whether he was paying attention or not.
Bobby glared down at me. "Or I can spank you right now, while Rufus is here," he threatened. I squeaked in alarm and turned back to the corner fast. I couldn't even imagine how much worse that would be. "That's what I thought," he added. I heard his footsteps as he walked away
Rufus left once he put the ring in the boiling water for Bobby because he only had a small amount of time to get a head start from the feds. Once he was gone, Bobby let me out of the corner.
"What'd you do wrong?" he demanded as he fished the ring out of the pot with a pair of tongs.
I stood behind him by the table, picking at something stuck on it. "I didn't stay on the couch when you told me to."
He turned and set the ring on the table between us to cool, tossing the tongs into the kitchen sink. "And why was that wrong?"
"Because it might not have been only Rufus and Jody," I answered. I'd enough time to think about it. "It could have been hunters with Rufus and Jody or something else that we didn't know."
"Exactly," Bobby said. He picked up the rapidly cooling ring. "Get your butt down to the panic room and stay there. I gotta call a ghost."
I perked up. "Can I watch?"
Bobby gave me a look. "No."
I bit my lip and dropped my head a little, ashamed. "Because I screwed up?"
He sighed and his voice was gentler when he answered. "No, because I don't know how this is gonna go and I don't want you in danger."
"Okay, Bobby," I said, relieved. At least it wasn't because I had screwed up again. I grabbed one of the remaining books on my shelf in the library and headed to the panic room.
About an hour later, he came and let me out. I asked him how it went and he told me he got just what he needed. I smiled and skipped up the steps.
"What's for dinner?" I asked as I went.
"Pizza," Bobby said behind me. "I ain't got time to cook."
I brightened even more. "Yesss!" I said. I turned the corner into the kitchen and stood next to the table in the kitchen to watch Bobby make the phone call to get pizza delivered. Once he hung the phone up, I turned to follow him into the library with him and my hand hit a stack of books, hard.
"Ow!" I exclaimed, turning to look at them. The stack hadn't even budged. Then I noticed they were glossier than the books Bobby usually had out. My eyes narrowed in suspicion and I leaned forward to look at the spines in the dim light: Geometry, Psychology, Sociology, Health, English, and Physical Science.
Schoolbooks. My stomach dropped a little. School? I knew school had started for the other kids since it was mid-September, but I didn't think I could go to school with hunters hunting me. They'd just pretend to be teachers or janitors or coaches or something to get into the school. Then I'd be dead or the school would be on fire. I swallowed hard.
"Uh, Bobby," I called towards the library, still staring at the books as if I could somehow will them away. "Are you sending me to school?"
He didn't answer, so I turned and went into the library. He was behind his desk gathering supplies from the drawers. "Bobby?" I asked again, biting my lip. "Did you sign me up for school?"
He looked up from what he was doing and saw the worried look on my face. "No," he grumbled, going back to rummaging through the desk. "You're being home schooled."
I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. Good," I said and flopped onto the couch in front of the television to wait for the pizza.
The next morning, Bobby woke me up late, pounding on the panic room door. "Get dressed and ready," he said, pointing towards the stairs when I opened the door. "And then get back down here."
"Why?" I asked, rubbing my face. I'd stayed up last night watching horror movies. Bobby had fallen asleep on the couch next to me. He woke up at three in the morning, scolded me for staying up so late when I knew I had a bedtime, and then sent me to bed.
He leaned against the doorway. "I got some stuff I need to do, and you're staying in the panic room for it."
"Oh," I said, disappointment washing over me. I closed the door again to get dressed before heading upstairs to use the bathroom. When I got back downstairs fifteen minutes later, I was carrying a muffin from the kitchen and a soda.
Bobby turned away from what he was doing on the workbench at the bottom of the stairs. I stood on my tiptoes to see a pile of herbs and other ingredients in an old metal bowl. "You need anything else before I start?" he asked me.
Flattening my feet, I shook my head and headed into the panic room. "No, why?"
Bobby followed me, standing right outside the door. "I talked to the boys. They're at Crowley's grave now, waiting for my call. I want you to stay in here and eat your muffin. I'm gonna summon Crowley."
"Awwww," I whined, setting my food down on the table by my bed. "Why can't I watch?"
Bobby gave me an impatient look. "Take a guess," he said.
I sighed. "Because he's evil and I might be in danger. But Bobby, how am I gonna learn about negotiating with demons if I can't watch?"
Bobby's face closed. "You're too young by half to be negotiating with demons," he said. "And the stuff I'm teaching you is so you'll be safe not so you can hunt. So stay here." He raised his eyebrows at me.
I worried my lower lip and considered. Only Dean and I knew that I owed Crowley a favor. Bobby didn't, so he didn't know I would probably need to know how to negotiate and I wasn't telling him either. I'd just get another unnecessary lecture.
"Okaaaay," I drawled out, dropping onto the bed and picking up the muffin.
Bobby shook his head at me. "Lock this," he said and closed the door.
I picked bits off my muffin to eat and seriously considered opening the little spy door and watching anyway, but I probably wouldn't learn enough for it to be worth it. I got off the bed, locked the panic room door from the inside, and waited.
A couple hours later, Bobby banged on the panic room door. I'd long since finished the muffin and had gone back to planning my escape. I could leave most of my stuff here and fill my backpack with food and clothing. I'd have to leave my phone too, or Bobby would track me down. I doubted Dean and Sam would bother. Since I was the one who locked the door at night to keep people out, I could basically just go after Bobby went to sleep. I mean, once I was ready. I needed a couple days to get everything together because I was gonna have to sneak it, and Bobby was always around.
I opened the panic room door. "Did you get your soul back?" I asked brightly.
Bobby nodded and a thrill ran through me. "Yay!" I yelled and flung my arms around him. He hugged me back. "So what happened?"
Bobby let me go and I followed him up the stairs as he explained. "Told Crowley I'd torch his bones if he didn't give me my soul back. He folded like a cheap suit, and I made sure he kept in the bit about my legs working. Then I let him go."
We were in the library by then. It was afternoon and the sun was shining in through the windows, illuminating the dust motes floating in the air. I smiled up at him. "I'm so happy you got your soul back."
"Me too, kid, me too," Bobby said.
Bobby made us both bowls of peach cobbler with ice cream and I ate mine in the library watching Dr. Sexy M.D. on the television. It made me miss Dean even more than I already did, my heart physically hurting while I thought about both of them. I heard Bobby talking to someone on his cell phone in the kitchen but didn't pay any attention, trying to shove away the grief. I told myself I wouldn't have to think about them anymore once I was gone. Somehow that thought didn't make me feel as much better as I thought it would. Then I heard one of the wall phones ring in the kitchen and Bobby answered it. Things were back to normal. When I went to put my bowl in the sink, he was sitting in his chair finishing up his cobbler.
"Everything okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah, everything's just fine, kid," Bobby said.
I chewed my lip, my upcoming escape on my mind. "You haven't heard anything else about the hunters hunting me, right? Just what Rufus told you?"
His face turned sympathetic. "No, that's all I've heard."
I steeled myself. Flight it was then.
I spent the rest of the day sneaking food and other necessities down to the panic room whenever Bobby was distracted or not in the room with me. I'd go tonight, after I was sure Bobby was asleep.
And that's what I did. I went to bed when Bobby told me to and then set my phone to wake me up at two a.m. When my alarm went off, I pulled my backpack out from under my bed and checked what I had packed again. I grabbed my snowman and stuffed him inside. I couldn't bear to leave him behind.
I checked the pocket on the side of the backpack for my cash. I had been saving up any money I had too. Bobby paid me a little for doing chores, unless they were punishment chores, and I had most of it tucked away. It wasn't a lot of money, but it would last until I could get far enough away. Then I could probably do odd jobs to make more. I was a week from turning 14, which was a legal age to work in some states, but even if I couldn't get a legal job, I could probably get something where I was paid under the table. I'd keep my head down and stay under everyone's radar. Hopefully, with no clue as to where I was, the hunters wouldn't find me.
Finally satisfied, I took a deep breath. "You have to do this, Jessie," I whispered to myself in encouragement. "Everyone will be safer if you do." Then I opened the panic room door as quietly as I could and crept up the basement stairs, holding the backpack by the handle on the top so I could set it down quickly if Bobby was still awake. The basement door was shut and I couldn't be sure Bobby hadn't gone to sleep yet. I thought he probably had, considering how much sleep he'd missed over the last few days. I opened the basement door listening for any noises and heard the deep rumble of voices from the kitchen.
I furrowed my brow in confusion. There shouldn't be anyone here and there wasn't a TV in the kitchen. I crept forward and set my backpack down silently in the hallway. I moved to the kitchen doorway, the voices becoming clearer. There was no way. It couldn't be.
I leaned forward and looked through the doorway with one eye, stifling a gasp, then pulled my head back quickly. Sam and Dean were here! They were sitting at the table in the kitchen talking to Bobby in low voices. My heart was beating hard enough that I couldn't make out what they were talking about. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I was so happy to see them but also so, so mad at them.
There was no way I could run now. Not tonight anyway. I glanced at the backpack and sighed. That was okay. The stuff in the backpack would keep. I could always run after the guys left. I counted to ten, breathing deep to try to calm my heart, and moved to stand in the doorway, crossing my arms over my chest defensively.
It took them a second to notice me and Sam noticed me first. "Jessie," he said and smacked Dean on the arm.
Dean turned and saw me, standing up in a rush from his chair. "Jessie!" he said, his expression both relieved and worried.
"Kid, what the hell are you doing out of bed and up here?" Bobby snapped acerbically. "You know you're supposed to stay in bed until I get you in the morning."
Dean opened his arms, and I ignored Bobby's question and gave into my impulse. I ran to him and threw my arms around him. It had been months and despite all the pain inside me, I needed him. He held me close to him, tightly, for a long time.
"I missed you, sweetheart," he whispered in my ear.
My stomach jumped. I didn't believe him, but it didn't matter, not at that point. I buried myself against him and breathed in deep. When he let me go, I went to Sam next and he hugged me too, but not as tightly and for not as long. I didn't care that much, holding onto him with all my might. When he let me go, I let him go.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, breathless.
By then, Bobby had stood up. He nudged my shoulder and I looked at him. "The question is what are you doing here?" he demanded.
"I had to use the bathroom," I lied. I had been planning to use the bathroom and steal a roll of toilet paper for the road before I left, but that wasn't really what I was doing.
Bobby just looked at me and shook his head. Shame pulsed through me. "It don't matter now, I guess," he said.
I stepped away from the table so I could see all of them at once. I couldn't really read their expressions in any meaningful way. Bobby looked sad, Dean looked worried, and Sam looked… blank?
"What's going on?" I asked and looked at Bobby for the answer because I didn't trust Sam or Dean right now.
"We're here to pick you up," Dean explained in a gentle voice. "We're taking you with us."
I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned. "Why now? Why not earlier this summer?"
Dean tilted his head. "You know why we didn't take you with us this summer. We all thought you'd be safer here."
I looked back to Bobby. "So you told them the hunters knew where I was and that they should come get me?" I demanded.
Bobby's expression was sympathetic. "No, I told them the hunters knew where you were and we talked about the options," he explained. "Dean thinks you'll be safer with him on the road now than you would be staying with me, since they know you're here."
"A moving target is harder to hit," Dean interjected.
I shook my head. "Yeah, but they're just gonna know that I'm with the guys and hunt us down. We'll end up being shot again and heaven might not decide to send us back down this time. The panic room is safer."
"The panic room is safer for you, maybe, but not for Bobby," Sam said. "We don't want hunters coming after him either."
My stomach was churning and I could feel my furnace pulsing. I didn't know how to feel. They weren't here because they wanted me with them. They were here because Bobby would be in danger if I stayed. I fought against the wave of despair that rose at that thought, dropping my head and looking away.
"When are we leaving?" I asked bitterly.
"First light," Dean said, taking a step towards me. I took a step back and he stopped. "We've got a job," he finished weakly, looking wounded.
I swallowed. "Fine. I'll go pack," I said and turned away.
