She emerged from the bath some hours later, having finally divested herself of every grain of sand. Her feet led her to the engawa, where Sesshomaru was surrounded by the various pieces of his armour. It was strange to see him without it, dressed in nothing more than a summer yukata. He almost looked human sitting there, tapping a ball of uchiko powder down the length of his sword and wiping it clean (though she didn't imagine he would appreciate her telling him so).
Her hands were still drying her hair with a towel as she knelt next to him.
"Will it take long to dry?" she asked with a glance at his armour.
He gave a slight shake of his head and kept his eyes focused on Tenseiga's blade as he dabbed choji oil on a soft cloth and ran it down its length. "It will be dry by morning."
"That's good, I guess."
Feeling distracted, she combed through her damp hair with her fingertips, then twisted it into a loose bun at the nape of her neck.
"What's troubling you?" he asked conversationally as he turned his blade to inspect it in the fading daylight.
"It's nothing," she sighed and did her best to hide her disappointment over losing both her fish and her favourite hair ribbon on the same day. "It's only... I realized when I was in the bath that I lost my hair ribbon in the river."
She hugged her knees in close to her chest and rested her chin atop them. She knew she was being dramatic about losing her hair ribbon, since there were half a dozen others waiting in her room that she could use, but she couldn't seem to shake the sense of loss she felt at knowing she would never see it again.
"Would it trouble you so much to lose it?" he wondered, sounding genuinely curious. She lifted her shoulders into a helpless sort of shrug.
"I suppose I can always look for it tomorrow."
"There is no need," Sesshomaru said and returned his blade to the katanakake so he might reassemble it, one intricate segment at a time. As he did so, he nudged a small box toward her and she gave him a questioning look. Sesshomaru offered no clues about the box's contents, choosing instead to focus on threading the various pieces of Tenseiga's hilt in their proper order. She lifted the lid to find her yellow ribbon folded neatly inside.
"My ribbon!" she gasped and couldn't contain her smile as she retrieved it from the box. "I thought it was gone forever." She brought it to her cheek out of habit, to stroke the soft silk against her skin, then tucked it safely into her yukata.
"Where did you find it?"
"Along the shore of the river," he replied, as though it should have been obvious. Because of course, the most logical course of action was for him to return to the river and search its banks until he found a single strip of yellow silk. Her cheeks flushed hot at the realization he'd done just that while she was in her bath, and she found it difficult to meet his eye as she thanked him for going to the trouble to find it.
"The yellow one. Why do you prefer it over the others?"
"Oh... Um..." she stammered as an embarrassed blush settled in her cheeks. "That's because it makes me smile whenever I wear it."
At his blank look, she felt her cheeks grow hotter. She didn't dare admit she treasured it simply because he'd given it to her. Or that she cherished it above all the others because it was the first.
"I'm just sentimental, I guess," she said, settling for a half-truth. "It's too bad about that fish, though. It would have made for a tasty dinner!"
"I also found your fish," he said, sounding amused. "I've left it in the kitchen for you."
Barely able to contain a grin, she hopped up and scurried into the kitchen. Awaiting her was a large fish in the centre of the table, already cleaned and cut into neat sashimi fillets and other portions. She placed the sashimi fillets atop a bed of rice in her bowl and sprinkled everything with a mix of salt and sesame seeds before returning to the engawa to eat. Sesshomaru slid the mekugi into the tang of Tenseiga as she sat down.
"Have you ever tried sharpening it?" she wondered, recalling what he'd said before about it being unable to cut anything of this world.
"Many times," he said with a quiet scoff, and returned the sword to its sheath. "It refuses to hold an edge."
"Refuses? You say that like the Tenseiga has a will of its own."
"It does," he said, sounding very matter-of-fact about it.
She responded with a thoughtful "Hm", a habit she'd picked up from him, and ate a few more bites from her bowl. Sesshomaru picked up her wakizashi next, and she carefully observed each step of the dismantling and cleaning process so she might learn how to do it herself.
"I have another question," she hedged as he used a small hammer to remove the mekugi from the tang of her blade. He nodded for her to continue and tapped the handle of her sword to loosen the tang from the hilt.
"You don't need to answer it if you don't want to. But I was wondering...do demons marry for love?"
His eyes darted quickly to her, then away. "Why do you ask?"
"My parents didn't marry for love," she confessed. "They grew to love each other eventually, but their families arranged the match. They didn't meet at all until the day they were to be married. I guess I just wondered whether it was the same for demons."
She watched as Sesshomaru methodically laid each piece of her sword's hilt in front of him. She'd been wavering back and forth for days now, debating whether she should broach the subject with him at all. She knew so little about his world and how it operated. His answer wouldn't change how much she cared for him, but it would help her manage her expectations. If he could never see her as anything more because she was human, at least she would not have to wonder whether her feelings were entirely one sided.
"If demons wed at all, it is for practical or political reasons," he answered. "For most, marriage is a contract of sorts—a way to cement alliances between clans and produce heirs."
She nodded and hurried to eat another bite of her dinner. "Could a demon marry for love if they wanted to?" she asked once she'd swallowed it down.
"I have not seen such a marriage," he answered bluntly. "Besides, love is a human emotion."
She frowned and set her bowl down. "It's sad that demons don't know love," she said and looked out at the sun setting in the distance. It had turned the sky the most brilliant shade of crimson.
"Love makes people stronger. It gives them hope. I can't imagine living in a world where love did not exist."
"Tell me more."
She glanced over and saw his eyes fixed inquisitively on her.
"About love?"
He nodded and returned his attention to her blade, tapping the ball of uchiko powder down the flat side.
"It's…it's the feeling of another person living inside of your heart," she began, fumbling for the right words to express a feeling so profound. "When you are separated from them, they are always in your thoughts. But even when you are together, your thoughts are of them as well. When you love someone, you put their needs above your own because you want to ease their burdens."
She hesitated as her nerves got the better of her, reminding her she was edging dangerously close to the truth that was in her heart. She nervously glanced at Sesshomaru and found his hand had stopped tending to her blade. He sat still, listening. Emboldened, she exhaled a shaky breath and continued.
"Being with someone you love...it's like your inner world is at peace and in return, you can achieve great things. Human tales are filled with stories of how love can grant someone the power to endure, even when a situation seems hopeless. Maybe demons are so strong they don't need love, but for humans, we can't live without it."
"You speak as if you have been in love before," he said quietly and set the cloth he'd been using to rub choji oil on her blade aside.
Her cheeks flushed, and she awkwardly shook her head. "I loved my parents, of course, and my brother. There are different kinds of love."
"I wasn't speaking of familial love," he replied, and she felt her face grow hotter. It was unusual for him to ask such a personal question.
"Oh," she said and kept her eyes lowered. She didn't want to risk him seeing the truth shining in them: that despite knowing him for only a short time, she'd already grown to love him.
"What about you?" she asked, hoping to deflect from his question. "Have you ever been in love with someone?"
The mekugi he'd been trying to fit into the tang of her blade slipped from his fingers and clattered nosily atop the wooden floor.
"Such a thing goes against a demon's very nature," he said once he'd retrieved the mekugi.
"So you said," she replied, while trying her best not to sound deflated. Uncertain whether she could convincingly hide her disappointment, she picked up her bowl and made an excuse about heading to bed early. Feeling Sesshomaru's eyes on her, she stopped at the door and turned to face him.
"Thank you for saving my life today," she said, her smile genuine and lingering. "I'm really glad you were there."
His eyes held hers, and it was a long moment before he finally blinked and looked away. She took the opportunity to slip through the door and head to the kitchen. While her hands were preoccupied with wrapping up what remained of the fish and cleaning her bowl, her mind replayed their conversation. It shouldn't have surprised her that demons were incapable of love, but that didn't mean it was any less disappointing to know he would never return her feelings. She only had herself to blame; it'd been foolish to hope for more. When had he ever suggested she meant more to him than what they were?
That thought was still ringing through her head as she folded the towel she'd used to dry her bowl and set it aside. When she turned around, she found Sesshomaru behind her, standing next to the table. He was eyeing the new bouquet she'd gathered earlier that morning. It was something she'd done since her first day at the mansion, in the hopes it would bring a bit of colour and cheer to the otherwise plain kitchen space.
"Oh! I didn't hear you come in."
His brow furrowed, as if he were considering saying something and debating whether he should. He closed the distance between them in a single step, pinning her between his body and the table. She scarcely had time to pull in a faint gasp of surprise before his claws sank deep into her hair and pulled her mouth to his. His lips were soft against hers, this touch tender as the pad of his thumb brushed across her cheek. The chaos that had been swirling through her mind only moments ago went silent.
This moment felt surreal, like a scene plucked from a dream. She hadn't imagined their first kiss happening in the kitchen. In her daydreams, it was always somewhere sweet and romantic, a soft kiss under the moonlight in the garden, or maybe after seeing a shooting star. Her heart was full of romantic notions, but the real thing was all the sweeter because it was unexpected. Only moments ago, he'd told her that loving someone went against a demon's very nature and yet…
Was it possible he had feelings for her, too?
His fingers tightened in her hair, and her hands blindly grabbed hold of the tabletop behind her. Her entire body felt as though it had come alive at his touch, and she inched up onto her tiptoes to reach him. How was it possible that a demon as powerful as he was could be so gentle with her?
He pulled away slowly, his lips lingering against hers, and she held her breath, too afraid to even open her eyes. What would she see in his when they met? The pad of his thumb brushed her cheek, encouraging her eyes to open. She found warm gold staring back at her, his gaze softer than she'd ever seen it.
"Why—?" she managed, finding it nearly impossible to convince her mouth to form words.
"I wanted to know what it would be like."
"... And?"
Her heart was hammering so hard she wasn't certain she'd even hear his answer. But there was no need to interpret the way he dipped his head low to kiss her once more. He was slow to pull away, but when he did, he offered her a quiet "good night" and a faint smile before striding out of the kitchen.
Once she was certain she was alone, she exhaled the breath she'd been holding and collapsed back against the table. Sesshomaru had…kissed her? She found she could scarcely breathe from the excitement bubbling inside of her. Her cheeks felt scorching hot, and she pressed her palms against them to cool them down.
Lord Sesshomaru had kissed her!
It seemed too impossible to be real. She touched her fingertips to her lips, scarcely able to contain a smile. She could still feel the impression of his mouth on hers, and the taste of him that lingered after.
But a kiss is sometimes only a kiss, she reminded herself, even as her mind whirred anew with questions. Had he known it was her first kiss? Was it even possible to know such a thing? And why had he done it now?
Maybe he'd only been curious to know what it would be like to kiss a human. Or maybe he'd simply gotten carried away in the moment. A spontaneous kiss can happen, can't it? Especially when she'd nearly drowned in the river only hours earlier. Or maybe he'd kissed her because he liked her the same way she liked him. Her skin prickled with delight at the thought of Sesshomaru secretly pining for her.
It would be impossible to act normally around him come morning. Every time they were alone, she'd wind up thinking about that kiss and wondering what it would be like to try it again. Though, all things considered, it wasn't the worst position in the world to be in.
Feeling as if she were floating on air, she practically skipped to her bedroom and slid the door shut behind her.
