A/N: I've had an extremely busy week. I've been taking care of my physical body, resting my mind, working, and even reading. How am I supposed to fit writing into such a busy schedule?! How does ANYONE pull it off? I didn't even socialize this week!

*sigh*

Anyway, yeah, nice chapter this is. Contains some new stuff never seen before. Hope you like it. So tired. I want to either lie in the sun or lie in my bed. Hence why the entire middle portion of this chapter is the way it is.

*yawn*

.

Hidan

Early in the morning, when it was still dark outside the window, Hidan awoke to the buzzing of his phone. He blinked hard, yawned and checked the screen. An unknown number was calling. He sat up and answered it. "Whosit?"

"Hey."

Hidan jumped. Nagato! He held his breath, wondering whether to hold back or not. "It's…real nice to hear from ya."

Nagato made a noise that sounded an awful lot like a sob. "I needed to hear your voice."

Hidan's eyes teared up. "What's going on? I'm here for you."

Nagato made that noise again. "I… I just don't know what to think. I've been so angry at being mistreated, and now the demon boy tells me I'm the one doing something wrong? I - I don't get it."

"You're not doing anything wrong," Hidan reassured him. "And neither is anyone else. Just because it feels bad doesn't mean it's wrong. Someday, you'll be glad you went through all of this because it made you a wiser, stronger person. Nothing's wrong."

"I - I - I can't believe that."

"Fuck," Hidan swore. "You don't need words right now. You need a hug. Where are ya? Is there anyone in hugging distance?"

"I don't want to -"

"Bother whoever the fuck you need to, Moonlight. I don't give a shit. If they complain, send them to me."

Nagato made a noise that sounded an awful lot like a laugh. "I'll try."

"I'm here for ya," Hidan repeated. "If you need me, just call. Got it?"

"I think I do."

"I love you." It made Hidan itch to say that, but some discomfort on his part was surely worth it if Nagato felt better.

Nagato sniffled. "Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"...Give me a minute. I don't know what I want to say."

"Okay." Hidan waited a full minute. While waiting, he checked the window. The sky was just beginning to lighten. He could hardly see it through the trees.

"Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too. And I need you. And please don't leave me."

"I promise I won't."

"Okay. I'll…I'll bother him now."

"Good luck. And I mean it. Call me right back and hand the phone over if there's even a bit of complaint. Whose phone is this, anyway?"

"Jiraiya's. I stole it from him while he slept. I was desperate. Thank god I unintentionally memorized your number."

Hidan chuckled. "Oh, you don't have to worry about shit. Bother him as much as you want. He's good for it."

"it's hard to believe that. But thank you." *click*

Hidan put his phone down and sighed. I really fucking miss snuggling up against him. And smelling him, and watching his hair, and… Shit, I hope he comes back soon. I don't know how I could take it if he doesn't. He briefly remembered the night when everything changed, the night when Nagato had seen and spoken to the other guy without running away. So far, Nagato was still the only one to have done so. Hidan felt a sharp need all of a sudden, a desperate urge to show someone else his creepy and undesirable side in the hopes that they would accept it. His heart twisted. Other people had said that they accepted him despite the presence of the other guy, but words and actions were very different things. It was hard to believe in a concept that he hadn't seen. Except for Nagato. With him, I know it's real. I need him.

He stayed up, waiting for a return call and resolving to send one if he didn't get one in fifteen minutes. He checked his phone frantically. Time slowed to a crawl. Precisely fifteen minutes later, he called the unknown number back. It rang a few times before someone picked up. "Hidan?" Nagato said.

"I need you too. Nobody else has ever seen the other guy and accepted him like you have. I need you because…because I need to feel totally loved and trusted. Not just liked as long as I'm charming. Please don't stay away too long."

"Hidan…" Nagato sounded torn. "I can't promise you anything."

"I know." Hidan sniffled.

"I think Konan might have seen him before. If she hasn't, then I know for sure she would do everything you just said if she did. You're not alone."

Hidan shook his head. "She's different. I dunno how. I just know she is."

"Then… Maybe Kakuzu? He seems pretty determined."

Could I actually do it? Hidan had never had this idea before. Could I invite Fugue Me out, intentionally, in order to have someone else see him? "Maybe," he muttered to Nagato. "If he looked Other Me straight in the eyes and accepted me anyway, it would mean, like, the whole universe to me. I don't know if I can ask that of Kakuzu. But now that you mention it, I kinda want to. Aw shit."

"Or maybe Sasori," Nagato said. "Yahiko somehow knew ahead of time that Sasori would be the one to accept him first. You can trust Sasori."

"Okay, fine. How're things going with Jiraiya?"

"He heard everything you've said in this conversation. He has his arm around me right now. You were, um, totally correct about the healing powers of a hug."

Hidan chuckled. "What'd I tell you? You can bother anyone you want, Moonlight. Anytime. We're here for you."

"That sounds a lot more believable now," Nagato whispered. "The demon boy told me that I was making myself into the most perfect friend ever as a way of making sure that nobody would ever abandon me."

"You can relax," Hidan told him. "You're safe now."

"Thank you," Nagato squeaked.

"Enter my number as a contact and call me whenever," Hidan told him. "I want to hear your voice too."

"Okay. I'll try not to stay away for too long. I'm sorry."

"It's fine!" Hidan ended the call on that optimistic note. He sighed in relief. He seems to be doing a lot better.

But then, Hidan returned to thinking about his new idea, and it made him nervous for several different reasons. What if they don't accept me? What if they never look at me the same way ever again? What if I can't call Fugue Me out? Why the fuck would I even want to? Why do I want to do this? It's nuts, it's got a good chance of driving everyone away, and I already know that they don't like -

His jaw dropped open. He hadn't come up with this idea, and neither had Nagato. They'd both been inspired. Madara.

Forget Kakuzu or Sasori. Hidan knew who he wanted to show his other self to. Something inside of him told him he was making the right move, so he didn't waste any time on doubt. He immediately began planning. I don't know where to find him, so I've gotta get the demon kid's help…

Sasori

Sasori awoke at his usual time and yawned. He stretched, got out of bed, combed his hair, and put on new clothes. He wondered what to have for breakfast. In short, he was totally relaxed. He sat down on his bed again, pulled out his phone and opened the group chat. This is your daily reminder that nothing has changed, nothing is going wrong, and there is nothing to worry about. After sending that helpful message, he returned to wondering about breakfast.

Hidan was making omelets for anyone who wanted one. Two sheets of paper hung on the refrigerator door now, one with paragraphs of neat and tiny handwriting on it and the other with looser, shorter lines. "The two sets of house rules are ready," Itachi told Sasori. "When is Laurie coming over?"

"Around 9," Sasori said after checking his texts. "We have time to kill."

"Translation: you fuckers have time to kill," Hidan said. "Omelets for everyone, then I'm done. I've got shit to do."

"Of what kind?" Sasori asked.

"Super important top secret mission."

Sasori shrugged. "I, for one, plan to relax and enjoy my weekend."

Itachi looked confused. After some time, he remembered, "That's right, I promised to play for the demon boy on Saturdays. Thank you for reminding me, Sasori."

Hidan blinked. "Did Moonlight call his boss to tell her he was fucking off for the day?"

"I sure hope so," Sasori replied. "But I don't think so."

"Aw, fuck."

Yahiko poked his head in the door. "Hey, everyone? I'm exhausted from thinking. I'm going to take the plushies out for a day in town." He already had them on their leashes. They looked in the kitchen, got bored and started straining towards the lobby. "Bye."

Sasori hit Send. Another helpful reminder: please review and practice Itachi's advice on how to relax. "I am on a roll today."

"I see that," Itachi replied while checking his phone. "I had completely forgotten about relaxing. Thank you again, Sasori." Sasori smiled.

"Enjoy your light day," Hidan said while plating the last of the omelets. "I am outta here. Excuse me while I scare the crap out of myself." He paused in the doorway. "Or I might decide last minute that you guys have the right idea. Whatever." Then he was gone.

"I must put my own advice into practice right now to avoid overthinking why he said that," Itachi said. "I will put on my blackest clothing and sunbathe. Call me when she arrives. I may or may not react."

"Ah, one of those days," Sasori muttered. "Understood."

.

Laurie arrived when she said she would. Due to last second impulses, Itachi was sunbathing in the parking lot instead of on the roof, and Sasori was with him, and Samehada had found her way there too. She was cuddled up against Sasori, and seemed to enjoy the novelty of it. Some of her scales poked him, but overall, he enjoyed it too. He was growing increasingly curious about cuddling.

"Oh, you guys look adorable," Laurie said. "But aren't you hot?"

"That is the point," Itachi murmured. His eyes were closed and had been for a while. "This is not sunbathing. It is heat bathing."

"We have the whole day," Sasori told her. "You can relax with us a while." She agreed with this plan. They moved to the shade a short time later when Itachi got too warm. Samehada crawled into Sasori's lap. He patted her back and told Laurie that Yahiko had already taken the dolls out, so sadly she could not meet them. "If I'd been thinking, I would have told him to stay back."

"That's okay," Laurie said, though she sounded sad. She reached out and touched Samehada. "The shark looks better."

Samehada shivered and whimpered. "Yeah, I think she knows not to bite anything liquid and human-made and strange," Sasori said. "We also got rid of it as soon as possible, so there's no more danger."

Itachi confessed that he had woken up an hour or two before his usual, so as far as his body was concerned it was midday and a great time to take a nap. He took off his cloak, balled it up into a pillow and lay down on it. Sasori and Laurie didn't say anything out of a desire to not bother him. They focused on petting Samehada, who loved the attention. The shark rumbled happily. To trained ninja eyes, Itachi was clearly asleep.

Sasori eventually made good on his promise to show Laurie the new house rules. Samehada curled up with Itachi; somehow, she knew that he would wake up if he was left alone. Sasori took the two rule pages off the fridge and handed them to Laurie. He silently waited as she read them. When she lowered the pages, she looked astonished. "Wow. Your code of operations is impressive. You guys are official. Wow."

"But the second one, the regular house rules, that makes us seem approachable, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, I already know you guys are approachable…"

"It doesn't matter. I just needed the opinion of someone who doesn't live here." Sasori looked around. He lowered his voice. "The new rules were invented with the potential new members in mind."

"Oh." She gave the rules another quick read. "Yeah, you seem approachable, and the code makes you seem like you know what you're doing."

"Thanks."

"When are they coming back?"

"Ah, I should have asked Hidan about that. He said he met them yesterday."

Laurie grinned. "I can't wait to meet them!"

Sasori showed her the game room where all the rest of the dolls were, then the training rooms, then the backyard. It was her idea. Why does she want to tour the building as if she's never been here before?

He didn't ask, but Kakuzu did when they went back inside for snacks and found him making brownies. "I want to make sure I'm staying in touch," she replied. "You guys have been up to a lot of things, from what I hear. I'm sure everything I know is outdated. The training rooms and the yard look a little different from last time I visited."

"What's with the brownies?" Sasori asked. I could really use some of that…

"Care package for Nagato. Yahiko was going to make them with me, but he appears to have forgotten that." Kakuzu shrugged. He didn't seem to mind.

"What would it take for you to make a double batch?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "You two don't seem busy."

Sasori and Laurie helped him make brownies. Then Kakuzu got up and stretched, said he wished to exercise, so Laurie volunteered to supervise the brownies as they baked. Sasori checked on Itachi and found him sitting peacefully with Kisame. He had to stop and stare. What the hell? Itachi found leaning on Kisame's shoulder to be more comfortable than using his cloak as a pillow, apparently. They both sat against a wall of the building. Itachi would have had nowhere convenient to put his hands if Samehada had not been draped across both of their laps. Between the wall and the shark, his position was quite stable.

"Her idea," Kisame muttered before Sasori could ask. "She woke him up and pushed him towards me. Now I'm trapped in a group cuddle."

Sasori smirked. "Excuse me." He enjoyed Kisame's futile frustration far too much as he slowly took out his phone and snapped several pictures. "Hehehe." He immediately posted one of them to the group chat. Kisame heard his own phone ping and mouthed a curse word.

Laurie loved the pictures when he returned to the kitchen. So did some group members; Yahiko and Hidan both sent messages of three heart emojis in a row. Some time later, Deidara sent a thumbs up. Konan came up from the basement to find out what was going on. Being told that most group members felt very cuddly that morning did not satisfy her. She didn't say anything, but her stern face made it clear that she would be monitoring levels of this so-called "cuddliness." She stalked off to do who knew what, but probably not cuddle.

"Hey hey hold on a second." Laurie jumped and twisted around to find the demon boy sitting crosslegged on the countertop behind her. "What's dis? I'm supposed to know about everything." He peered at the oven. "Ooh brownies. Someone has to eat one and I have to watch."

"Are you feeling cuddly too?" Sasori asked suspiciously. What is up with this?

"Nah, I got enough of that yesterday. I'm just curious about what's going on."

"You got lots of cuddles yesterday?" Laurie asked with a smile. "With who?"

The demon boy looked shy. He huffed and said Sasori could explain it. Sasori told her, "He hung out with Nagato and some guy who's kinda sorta a dad to him. It's tough to explain." But Laurie was fascinated, so he ended up explaining it to her. The demon boy pointed out that the brownies were done. They had to sit for some time before they could be eaten, so the boy was forced to stay in the room and answer some of Laurie's questions. He didn't like that, but he put up with it. Sasori was very interested to find out that the demon boy had a way to feel exactly what another person felt. Sadly, that was the only way the boy could experience the pleasures of food. Sasori made sure to briefly meditate, clear his mind of everything else, before taking a bite. Oh my god it's fucking delicious. The demon boy moaned in delight and nearly fell off the counter.

That was how most of the day passed for the people who were at the base.

Zetsu

"What does it feel like to photosynthesize?" Obito asked. He had asked this question before, many times. He kept asking because the answer was slightly different each time.

On this particular day, Zetsu was performing full photosynthesis. That involved stripping naked. They did not have human genitalia, so it was relatively easy for Obito to push aside the initial awkwardness. For general human comfort, Zetsu only did this in isolated areas where they could be confident that nobody was going to walk by. They were on a small rectangular patch of overgrown grass in front of an abandoned car dealership, within the abandoned houses. Stripping naked allowed Zetsu to fully open their photosynthetic leaves, which were operated by muscles around their hips. They had four leaves, symmetrically arranged so that Black and White Zetsu each controlled two. These leaves stuck out mostly to the side, so it was easiest for Obito to sit in front of Zetsu during photosynthesis. Zetsu sat in a crosslegged position with both eyes closed as if meditating. Their leaves were flushed with a plant person's equivalent of blood and seemed to literally glow with health.

"It feels like the world is pouring through me," White Zetsu answered. This was an answer that Obito had heard before.

"Like I'm a charging battery," Black Zetsu answered. Obito had heard that one before, too. But he had never heard them in combination.

He sighed. "It sounds so exciting. I wish I could photosynthesize."

"How do you know you can't, Obi?" White Zetsu asked.

It was a joke. But it worked. Obito stretched out and tried to feel the sun sinking into him the way it sunk into Zetsu. True, he wasn't undressed in the slightest - he still wore his gloves and everything - but he could feel the heat, at least. It was unpleasant, being fully dressed as he was and thus unable to feel any breeze. His mask turned his face into a sweatbox. Obito sighed.

"It works better when you're not dressed," Black Zetsu said. Neither of them had opened their eyes. They just knew that he would never, ever reveal his body so openly, not even in a private space where he could assume nobody would walk by. Obito only undressed in the shower, and he took short showers. They knew why.

"I know." He walked away to sit on the nearest porch, in the shade. Zetsu continued to photosynthesize. It felt like half needed nourishment, half spiritual exercise. Ahhhhhhh. It's a shame that humans can't photosynthesize, White Zetsu thought.

The world would be better if they did, Black Zetsu agreed.

It's impossible to be angry or scared when you photosynthesize. The world should be ruled by plants.

It is. They shared a brief inner laugh.

It was blissful until a human unexpectedly walked up. Zetsu heard stealthy footsteps. "Hidan? What are you doing here?" Obito asked, sounding worried. Oh shit.

"Nothing, apparently," Hidan replied. "I'm getting enough fucking signals from the universe. I know better than to ignore 'em." Zetsu opened their eyes just in time to see Hidan flop down on a suitable patch of abandoned lawn and spread his arms out wide. He was shirtless. "Oh, shit, photosynthesizing feels good. Plant Guy here has the right idea." He purred. Then he mumbled, "Oh, yeah. Is it okay to call you Plant Guy?"

"Yeah, it's fine," White Zetsu answered quickly. "What do you mean, photosynthesizing feels good?" Can humans do it after all?

Don't be ridiculous. He's using that word metaphorically.

"I can't make sugars out of it, but the sun is meant to be soaked up," Hidan replied. "Plant or not, it feels damn good." He purred more.

See? I told you.

Didn't you hear him just now? It doesn't feed him, but it sounds like it might feel the same!

Obito stayed on his porch. They relaxed together like that, for a time.

Hidan

Just as Hidan was starting to get a touch too warm, the masked man got up and walked over to him. Hidan's eyes flew open. He stared up into the single eye hole and was glad to be immortal. Not that he needed to be in this scenario, but it did help him maintain his confidence. Madara stared down at him, unmoving, unspeaking, in perfect position to step on Hidan's throat. His inner life was muted enough that Hidan couldn't get any clues as to his thoughts. It was that very mutedness that had made Madara's presence obvious in the first place. Oh, NOW I can get a feel for him. Now that nobody's panicking. Huh, it feels kinda like Konan in some of her moods.

"Everything okay?" White Zetsu asked.

"Yeah, he's just checking me out to see what it's like to sunbathe, I think," Hidan replied. Gotta delay it as long as I can. As soon as Zetsu figures out that Madara's here, he'll freak out and I won't be able to detect anything anymore.

Madara tilted his head. The movement seemed to be not an accidental byproduct of thinking, but a deliberate gesture to let Hidan know that Madara was onto him. That's right, he hasn't judged me yet. Not like he judged everyone else.

The thought of judgment reminded Hidan of his earlier plans. His heart skipped a beat. He felt himself twitch and knew that Madara must have seen it. Aw shit, he's gonna get suspicious if he can't figure out what I'm freaking out about. It was a signal from the universe. The time was now. Hidan looked up at that single eye hole and relaxed completely. He wondered how much light could make it into that one small hole. Then he wondered nothing at all.

Madara

The pink faded. Then pools of blue burst through, lasting only a fraction of a second before merging, like liquid rushing up from beneath a barrier. At the same time, Hidan's face went completely still. All emotion drained out of it. His eyes unfocused slightly, leaving him looking less like a living person and more like a coma patient. Yet the color in his eyes… Something about it declared that it held unspeakable power. Madara's heart beat faster. He didn't like that. He wasn't supposed to ever be bothered. If it moves, I'll disable it. I can't kill it. Hmph.

"What's going on?" White Zetsu asked. They opened their eyes. "Our leaves feel tingly."

Madara said nothing. So they really are performing spiritual communion when they photosynthesize. Whatever had just taken over Hidan's body didn't seem to know how to operate it. It lay still like a coma patient. He narrowed his eye. So long as it stays this way…

"Dammit," Black Zetsu whispered. White Zetsu hissed softly, as if telling him to be quiet. They weren't reacting to Hidan, or whoever it was. They were reacting to Madara. They always reacted this way. Madara ignored them.

Suddenly, without any prior change to facial expression or eye movement, both of Hidan's arms moved. His elbows bent, causing his hands to clasp above the strange symbols on his breast. Madara stepped back, but calmly. Several seconds passed. Then whatever it was made Hidan's body roll over, away from Madara. Another second or two passed. Then it pushed against the ground and stood up all in one movement. It stared at nothing. Then it turned its head to look directly at Madara.

Madara hated how his heart pounded. It was one thing to see whatever the hell it was lie still like a coma patient. It was another thing entirely to see it reanimate Hidan's body into a twisted parody of a human being. He hated and reviled it on sight.

The thing held that position, staring at Madara while blinking precisely as much as the body's natural reflexes commanded. "What the fuck?" White Zetsu whispered.

"What the hell is that?" Black Zetsu growled.

Madara was not afraid of it. He could not be. He took a step closer to it. It doesn't know how to pilot a body well enough to chase me down. It's not supposed to be in a body at all. The natural order has been perverted. He glared at it and projected his utter disdain at it. I don't know what you are, but I will not give way.

The thing's blank face revealed nothing. It continued to stare at Madara. Then, without the slightest prior movement, it turned its head away. Hidan's body folded at the knees and collapsed like a sack of potatoes. He lay there unmoving.

"Oh thank god it's gone," White Zetsu breathed.

"Was that…?" Black Zetsu looked up at Madara.

Creepy, doesn't talk, off-putting. I remember. So those people were downplaying, not exaggerating. Madara nudged Hidan's body with one foot.

"Uhhh," Hidan groaned. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes. "The shit…?" He looked around. He blinked at Zetsu, then grinned. "Oh, fuck yes!" He leaped to his feet and turned around. "Okay, how'd it go…" he muttered to himself while scanning Madara with his ordinary pink eyes.

"Hidan," White Zetsu called, trying to warn him away from interacting with Madara.

"Gimme a sec," Hidan said while waving a hand dismissively. "Aw shit! I can't detect anything through the noise! Fuck!" He shot Zetsu a glare. "I'm gonna have to fucking leave in order to find out how I feel. Grr."

"You'd better," Madara told him.

"Aw, nuts. Sunbathe with you again later?" Hidan didn't wait for Zetsu to reply. He turned and stalked off into the maze of buildings.

"Okay, that was weird." Both halves of Zetsu were closing up their leaves, folding them upwards along the length of the torso until they were snug to the skin. Both sides looked shaken. They reached for their clothes.

Hidan came running back. "Oh, that's right, I've got news to pass on to you guys. The, uh, vampires who live in the basements of all these abandoned places, they have a new rule restricting access to their territory. They will only admit visitors who belong to groups that have good rules and self-regulation and shit. That means you and Tobi and Obito are banned, 'cause they don't trust you for shit. Just figured someone had to tell you. And now that you know that there are vampires around here, they're probably gonna try to kill you if you stick around overnight, so I'd scram." He proceeded to do just that.

"Is he fucking serious?" Black Zetsu snarled.

"Jeez, why tell us then?" White Zetsu muttered, just as unhappy.

"Way to ruin a nice round of photosynthesis."

Madara really didn't feel like putting up with Zetsu's whining, so he went back to the porch and sat down in the same position Obito had been sitting in before. He closed his eye and internally stepped back, waited until some barely perceptible substance flowed around him to fill the empty space, then took a few more steps back. The eye opened again. Scattered sparks of sensation, like bursts of static, filled the whole space. W - j - ? - a - i - ! - *whimper* - h - n - ?

Even at this distance, the inevitable whining was sure to be grating. He took another step back and sat down. The sparks became too indistinct to make out. There was peace and quiet.

Except…

Something didn't feel quite right. His peace was disturbed. It was really annoying. Madara resolved to investigate further, as soon as he woke up. He sank through the floor into some kind of condition that couldn't be described spatially anymore and drifted off. Now there was peace.

.

A/N: I like Madara. He's cool to write.

Hngzz. Bye. See ya next week.

Oh, and be sure to get plenty of cuddles and sunlight. Yes. Good stuff.