63

Ianto was in the booze aisle, lamenting all the yummy stuff he could not drink, choosing a bottle for Her Majesty's private stash instead. He knew what she really liked, hid from everyone else and was about to snavel a bottle when he heard someone behind him. He hid his annoyance as he turned to find a Blowfish in the open, in broad daylight. Really? He forced himself to withhold the sigh. Doing so many of those lately.

He struggled for a name to the fish "Bubbles?"

"Bubblert" the fish-head snarled, annoyed at the nickname the Captain had given him at previous meetings and now even his own kind called him that behind his back. Oh yes, he knew they did.

"Really? I apologize, I do not think I have ever heard your true name. OK. Bubbles, what do you want?" Ianto asked, then tried not to grin. Baby brain. Can use that as an excuse right?

"You lot stopped revenue. We are now… "

"Up shit creek without a paddle?" Ianto canted his head "being a fish, not a nice place to be. Need a snorkel?"

The Blowfish glared at him, it's fins mvoing up into an attack/threat flick.

The sound of the Webley being cocked came next as a voice snarled "Mine trumps yours Sushi Face."

"Sushi Face" Ianto repeated "God, Owen would have loved that one."

"I gotta remember to tell Beckett" Jack agreed.

Ianto canted his head and then said "Don't forget to say Bubbles was in the booze aisle. He will get an extra giggle on that."

"Oh yeah!"

"The fact remains…" Bubblert continued to snarl "we have a deficit in income, product we cannot push and…"

"Hold up… step back. Rewind" Jack said and with his open hand out in a STOP motion as Ianto tried not to roll his eyes. Been doing a lot of that too.

"What the Captain means is… product? Define product." Ianto said softly.

"The stuff they were bringing in, we have the last shipment of it, uncut. We were going to cut and go but you lot have put the word out, are destroying any and all contacts so… we are … as you so eloquently put it Mister Jones… up shit creek."

"that's Special Agent Jones" Jack poked at the blowfish's head with the Webley.

"Jack. Come on. Look, the product is tainted and considered contraband. Anyone caught with it is considered an enemy of Sol3." Ianto said calmly as the Blowfish now gaped… like a fish.

"You can't dump it, you will need to hand it in. Tell you what… we will do an Amnesty of… 48 hours. OK? Anything you have, hand it over to us in the next 48 Hours… no reprisals and no questions asked. No names and we forget who even crossed the threshold to hand it over." Jack offered in a rare moment of kindness to these little land sharks.

The Blowfish puffed up as he turned to look at him "really?"

"And if any of you come near my pregnant mane again... I will get antsy." Jack warned.

"Pregnant?" the Blowfish swung to look at Ianto and then hummed "Oh. Apologies, we did not know you could spawn."

"Well… I can. Me and Jack… can" Ianto shrugged. Damn it. He did one of the 'try not to' things.

The Blowfish took off, taking out a display of canned soup along the way and Jack leaned back out of the aisle to watch it disappear, then turn back to Ianto to grin widely "And… that fish has gone upstream to blow his load."

"No" Ianto said sternly "Just… no."

"Oh well, can't be a perfect score all the time, I guess" Jack pranced off to find the marshmallows, leaving Ianto to slip the whiskey into the trolley in peace.

Bloody blowfish.

.

.

Rex was not happy being the one to deal with the Blowfish, the smell of fish on him making Ianto gag. Weird because their smell was not that bad. Seems the cologne he uses mixed with them was not good. He had wanted to, insisted he should, now he was whinging.

Lucy was making gagging noises even though everyone knew it didn't' bother her, the joy of being able to needle Rex and calling it 'Ianto Sympathy Pains' was making Andy snigger softly. Gwen was ignoring it all, apart from a low grown when Rex came near her. Ianto was right… he did smell.

"You know, you might make her milk sour with that stench" John said, not at all sure if it was true but using it anyway.

"Go fuck yourself!" Rex grumbled as he moved to the shower block for the third time that day.

"Actually, I can. I have a really expensive Mod that…"

"JOHN!" Jack barked "No!"

John grinned at Jack, then decided to push it a bit by calling at the closing door "Wanna see? I could scrub your back for ya with it."

The door slammed.

Everyone broke into peels of laughter.

"Now you are all being mean" Ianto scolded his glare moving around the room "Leave the poor man alone."

From the shower block came a roar and then a wet naked Rex appeared clutching the too small towel, his face distorted as he started to throw the little soaps into the room. Gold fish and little sea shell soaps flew through the air as everyone shrieked and ran for cover.

Beckett held up a motor like a shield as John rolled on the floor, his glee evident.

After he had decided he had screamed enough, Rex disappeared behind the slammed door again, Gwen the last one to laugh as she clutched the baby to her breasts possessively. "OK… that was… oh God. I gotta pee but I don't wanna go back there now."

"Tiger… where did you even get these?" Jack asked as he crouched to pick up a little fish.

Everyone gaped at Ianto as he shrugged and admitted he had filled all the shower stalls with them to be sure to get him.

"What… I am preggers… gotta get my thrills where I can" he said like it made perfect sense. "Of course… he's not opened his clothing yet."

"Why?" Gwen asked in a high voice, trying not to laugh.

"Because the front of it has a blowfish picture on it."

Cue more laughter.