Fate/Stay Night, Carnival Phantasm, Fate EXTRA, Fate Extella, Fate Hollow Ataraxia, Fate Grand Order, Fate Zero, Fate Kaleid Prisma Illya, Fate Apocrypha, Fate Prototype, Fate: Today's Menu for the Emiya Family, Fate Requiem, Fate Strange/Fake, Fate School Life, Fate Tiger Colosseum, Fate Unlimited Codes, Fate Samurai Remnant, Fate Capsule Servant, Fate: Lord El-Melloi II Case Files and Fate Type/Redline are the creations and intellectual properties of Type-Moon and Nasu Kinoko.

All other franchises and characters mentioned within this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.

With Special Thanks to Kamenhero25 for the inspiration.


Fate: Further Unofficial Harem Antics.


What If OverMaster Wrote Fate Harem Antics?


For Kamenhero25.


Chapter Two.


The Prequel.

"So, why did you call for me?" Sisigou Kairi asked.

"To be honest, I wasn't going to contact you," Zouken said. "I was going to hire Magus Killer Kiritsugu..."

"But he died five years ago."

"Hmmmm! I remembered he did while brushing this morning, so I called you. Anyway! I want you to be the Master of a Servant my stupid granddaughter is going to summon."

"What kind of Servant?"

"Probably a Rider. Or a Berserker. Or an Archer. I haven't decided that yet."

He jammed a wrinkled spotty hand into a nearby chest and pulled an old relic out. "Medusa's? Rider, then."

Kairi sighed. "Why doesn't your granddaughter act as the Master?"

"Because I told you, she's useless! I did, didn't I?"

"You sort of did," Kairi allowed. "You said she was stupid. Like that's ever stopped anyone from being a Master before."

"Oh, yes, he's stupid!"

"He?"

"My grandson. We were talking about my grandson, weren't we?"

"No, we were talking about your granddaughter."

"Well, he's even dumber!"

"I heard that!" Shinji said from the next room.

"Shut up!" Zouken said. He smiled evilly at Kairi. "So, a mercenary with experience is my best bet. Will you take the offer?"

"I don't know," Kairi said. "As long as the pay is good..."

"I will pay you richly and I absolutely won't betray you by making my insects devour you so I don't have to fulfill my end of the bargain at any point," Zouken promised solemnly.

"I was kind of believing you until you went into that part," Kairi said. "Look, I'm honored you thought about me before resorting to anyone else, but-"

"Grandfather," Sakura said, entering the room with Celenike and Galliastra,"here are two specialists claiming you called for their services..."

"Oh, that's right, I did," Zouken grumbled. "Why didn't you remind me of them before! Stupid kid!"

Kairi facepalmed. "I wasted a plane ticket on this."


Through the Looking Glasses.

A person knocked on the door.

Shirou went to open. "Yes? May I help you?"

The girl blinked at him through her bangs and glasses. After a moment, she said, "Good morning... I'm Mash Kyrielight, your new neighbor, and I'd like to ask if you have a cup of sugar I could borrow, please?"

"Ah, of course!" He went into the house and came back with a large jar of sugar. "Welcome to the neighborhood! Don't feel obligated to give any of it back. We've got plenty of sugar!"

"Thank you..." she said, bowing uneasily before leaving.

She marched back into the church and came to a halt before Caren. "I can't believe it! You were right!"

Caren smirked. "If it worked for Superman..."


The King's Breakdown.

Saber walked in, exhaling. "I'm tired, Shirou. You'll never guess who I had to fight on my way here..."

"Shirou? I'm Servant Saber, Muramasa Sengo!" a shirtless Shirou said. Artoria stared at his chest for a moment and drooled a bit. "I'll fight you for the Holy Grail, right now!"

"Stand back, Saber!" a Rin wearing a skimpy bikini said. The blonde stared, too. "I'm Servant Archer, the great Ishtar! My victory against you is assured, o fair maiden!"

"He, heh, heh!" Illya, wearing a mostly white costume, laughed. "You, useless false goddess? Don't make me laugh! It's me, Servant Alter Ego, Sitonai, who will get the Grail from this trollop!"

"Fu fu fu," Sakura chuckled, also wearing a tiny bikini with tall boots, her hair dyed lighter purplish. "You're all so wrong. Servant Assassin, Kama, shall be the only winner of this war."

The fearless King of the Britons stared at them in perplexity, turned around, and ran away waving her arms and yelling "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

Shirou, Rin, Illya, and Sakura looked after her, stunned. Then Shirou turned to Rin. "I told you that she wouldn't like this prank."


HA Wrestling Federation.

"What's the point of teaching me this?" Medea said. "Why do I have to do this?!"

"You need to improve as a physical fighter, great as your magic is any Servant present in the war can defeat you in extreme close quarters," Luvia said, standing by the ring in the backyard, wearing a blue-and-white leotard. "Don't worry, I wouldn't be so strict as to pit you against a powerhouse. Which is why I invited Temptress to spar with you."

Temptress sneered, getting onto the ring. "You're lucky I want to expand myself into an idol of the squared circle!" She grinned at the terrified Medea. "Are you ready? Feel the sting of the Wrestling Dragon!"

She wrapped her tail around Medea and began slamming her around. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Luvia blew on a whistle. "No, no! Foul! That's not a legal move, Temptress!"

The girl in the red and black spandex scoffed. "Where in the books says tails cannot be used?"

"Ah, you'll see, as everyone knows-" Luvia scowled. Miyu passed her a guidebook and the blonde started flipping through it.

"This is the Dragon's Charge!" Temptress went on, ramming her horns against Caster's chest.

"WHUUUUUFFFFFF?!"

"Foul! That's a foul too!" Luvia protested.

"Where does it say in your modern times manual that one cannot resort to horns either?" Temptress feigned innocence.

"It's a matter of common sense," Luvia growled, "even if it's not-"

Medea seethed, reached for her staff, and began smashing it down on Temptress' head.

"That's against the rules, as well," Luvia said passively. She watched as Medea pummeled the noblewoman. "Oh, I forgot. There's nothing on magic staffs either."


Three's a Crowd.

Raikou and Serenity slipped quietly in the bed, each one at a side of the obliviously sleeping Shirou.

After a few moments of silence, Serenity wondered aloud, "Don't you feel like something is missing?"

Raikou thought about it. "Now that you mention it..."

In the Throne of Heroes, Kiyohime felt like kicking something for some reason.


Bad End?

"Crap," Kiritsugu said, since his wife was around and strong language was a no no. "That could've gone better!"

"Aaaahhhhh! What could have gone wrong putting so many powerful Servants in the same place!?" Irisviel cried. They looked at the giant smoking crater where Fuyuki had been.

Kiritsugu sighed. "That stupid priest sort of won! At least the world is safe now. Shirou got to be a real hero." He waited. "Shouldn't he be here already?"

"Hmmmmm," Irisviel said. "More like 'the world is safe for now'. But that's for the best! Now I have time to plan..."


Ten years later:

"Servant Archer," EMIYA Lily said, appearing in a pang of light before Ritsuka-chan. "Please let's work together for- YYYYAAAAHHHHH!" he said when he was pounced on by several Servants at once.

"SHIROU!" Artoria, Ishtar, Sitonai, Parvati, Nobunaga, Bathory, Miyu, Astraea, Caren, Medea, Drake, Bazett, Scathach, Medusa, Raikou, Serenity, Shielder, Jeanne Alter, Jaguarman and Martha all hugged him.

Dress of Heaven smiled. "See, Kiri? I told you it'd work out!"

Kiritsugu readied his gun. "Now we only need for Rasputin to show up."


Somewhere else, Fiore waited. "Any time now..."

"You said that last week too!" Angelica said.

Ayako sighed.


Fate Unequally Blade Works Meets Fate Harem Antics!


Illya.

Illya scowled, looking up and down at Raikou, and crossed her arms judgmentally. "How did that happen, then? They gave you a wrong catalyst?"

"No!" the other Illya said. "Mom arranged it so I would summon Oneesama instead!"

"Why are you even addressing her with a Japanese noun, where is your nationalistic- Mom? Have you just said 'mom'?!"

Illya smiled. "Fu fu fu! She has contacted me and guided my steps! Alas I see your mother has not deemed you worthy of that treatment!"

Illya seethed. "Clearly you are just a charlatan, or delusional or both! Shame on you, you're only trying to cover up that you failed to summon Heracles!"

This was said with a vigorous slap on the wide chest of the colossus holding her in his arm.

"-!-!-!-!-!" Heracles said, although not too loudly since he was finding it kind of hard to care. How could he attack another Illya? That did not compute in the alien supermachine part of his mind, so what remained of his personality was just drifting to vague Jason memories.

Illya seethed back, biting her tongue. Raikou was staring at her from a side, through the corner of her eyes, as the woman held her weapon up. But powerful as Berserker was, Illya was aware that she couldn't take on Berserker, so she had to find another way to defeat that pretender. Then she had an idea. "Let's solve this as ladies of sport!"

Illya raised her eyebrow. "You mean through a game of-"

"Halo!" Illya grinned. "Unless you are too cowardly, of course!"

Illya grinned back and rolled her sleeves up. "I'm afraid of the mess I will make from you, you upstart!"


Illya put her controller down and frowned. "I can't expect for anything good from you, can I? Your dumb console ran out of batteries!"

"Don't be a crybaby, it saved you from that beating I was giving you!" Illya snapped her fingers. "Berserker! Go for more batteries!"

Raikou stood up. "Immediately, Maste-"

But Berserker, roaring madly, already had smashed out the door and through the street.

Illya winced. "I have a bad feeling about that."

Illya waved. "Oh, let him be! What's the worst thing he can do, win both your Grail War and mine?"

"Now I know that whoever said 'Know yourself' was simply full of it..."


Fate Unequally Blade Works Meets Fate Harem Antics!


Shirou.

"I'm sort of disturbed," Shirou said, "that most of the people you know are anime characters."

"What?" Shirou said. "Now, most of them are quirky, eccentric and colorful, but for the most part they mean well and-"

"No, I mean that they are actual anime or manga characters!" Shirou said. "Like Negi-sensei, Ikari-san, Yuuki-san, Suzumiya-san and Sailor V-san! I'm sure I've seen all of them in manga or anime!"

Shirou paused. "You are into manga and anime?"

Shirou glared at him. "You don't lie to me of all people. I know you must have been big on manga heroes as a boy."

"Actually, I was more into American superheroes."

"Like Superman?"

"No, I don't mean real life heroes. I mean fictional heroes, Superman-sama hadn't debuted by then."

Shirou groaned. "How can a world this awesome bug me this much?!"

"Even then, not everyone here acts that way. Look at Boo-sensei! He is extremely normal!"

He gestured towards someone passing by close to their restaurant table, head kept high and nodding at them as that person walked past the boys.

"Bwak bwak! Buck-bukk-awwwwk!"

Shirou gawked while Shirou waved and smiled.

"... that," Shirou said as soon as the teacher was offsight, "is a giant chicken!"

Shirou frowned. "Oh, please...!"

Shirou opted not to fight over that and only sipped from his coffee.

"... let's suppose I believe you, and that Negi-sensei and the rest are manga characters," Shirou spoke again. "Where is Sensei's dad? That might help him!"

"I didn't read that far."

"Will Yuuki-san ever marry Lala-san and become king of the galaxy?"

"I never read too much of To Love Ru. Too hentai."

"Will Suzumiya-san go crazy and murder someone? Often I worry about her."

"That franchise never finished, it just stopped."

Shirou was the one to groan now. "What manga ending can you tell me about then?"

Shirou pondered that. "I suppose I can tell you this much, don't be shocked if someday soon you all are absorbed by your clothes around the world, but it should be fine, you'll all be freed and none for the worse..."

"Say what?"

"Try to be near Saber, Sakura and Tohsaka when it happens anyway."


Fate Unequally Blade Works Meets Fate Harem Antics!


Sakura.

The Matou one walked past an open door. She came to a stop and looked in.

Rider napped with an open book by her side. Tohsaka Sakura's own Servant rested several steps apart, snoring gently and with the huge mace at her prim hand's reach. Summer sunlight entered through a window and covered both Rider and the redhead in the bridal gown.

Sakura went to the kitchen to see her counterpart chopping vegetables.

"What if we talk about what your Servant is doing to my Servant's performance?"


Fate Harem Antics Meets Fate Unequally Blade Works.


Miyu.

"Oh, so Luviagelita-san raised you..." the older Miyu said.

The loli nodded. "Yes. I owe her a whole lot. She taught me everything I needed to know about magic."

"But I've seen that she can't fly," Miyu said. "So how it comes you can? Who taught you?"

"She could, too. Before Sapphire-san abandoned her. Then Sapphire-san latched onto me, but even though Luvia-san couldn't fly anymore, she still helped a lot with my flight training."

"How so?"

"She threw me out of a helicopter."

"...!"


"- and then I told her, 'no, you will see, Tohsaka, my duck is better than yours, since-'" Luvia was telling Luvia.

A chair was thrown from the next room and hit Luvia in the head, startling the other Luvia and interrupting her tale.

"Oh," the unscathed Luvia spoke after a moment. "Miyu must have told her about the helicopter."

"YOU HIT THE WRONG ONE!" Luvia yelled at the other room.


Fate Harem Antics Meets Fate Unequally Blade Works.


Ruler.

"And what kind of Servant are you?" Rin asked.

Martha smiled. "I'm Ruler, a Servant who watches over the Grail War and makes sure no foul play or unpleasantness happens."

"It's a contest where people are supposed to kill each other, it's all about unpleasantness!" Shirou said.

Martha paused. "Well, actually... Never mind. Even if things were the same way here, a Ruler is a powerful tool of the Fuyuki Grail to protect the innocent and correct any mistakes from the misdeeds of rogue Servants. It doesn't look like you have one, what with your system summoning ducks and something called a Trickster, but-"

"That hurts," Vigilante grouched. "I thought Christians were supposed to respect others' feelings of self worth?"

"Actually, we do have a Ruler," Saber said. "We have met her once or twice. But you could say that she isn't all that efficient at her job, since, well, I do agree with you in that our system is chaotic, and perhaps with more ducks than strictly needed."

"YOU TOO?!" Vigilante said. "We were meant to be friends!"

Martha blinked. "Where... Where is she? We have to get together and coordinate, in the light of these recent events..."

"Who knows with Ruler," Saber said. "She's always apparently away doing something else. I wonder what is keeping her so busy this-"

"GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU REPULSIVE MADWOMAN!" came Avenger's scream from down the house.

"Sister...!" another female giggled. "We are sisters, in a fashion! You cannot deny that! I will guide you down the path of righteousness yet!"

"I'M GONNA BURN YOUR FAT IDIOT ASS TO A CRISP!"

Rin stood up. "Vigilante, we're leaving. Sakura must have dinner ready already."

"It's only five o'cl-"

"AND I'M SURE SHE STARTED EARLY TODAY!"


Fate Harem Antics Meets Fate Unequally Blade Works.


Sella and Leysritt.

"Thank you, Sayoko," Illya waved the maid away. "We'll call you if we need something else."

"Mistress," the dark haired female bowed and walked off.

"What kind of homunculus is she?" Illya asked Illya, picking her glass.

"She's not a homunculus, isn't it obvious? She's human," Illya growled, sipping her drink.

"... you have a human working for you? Why?!" Illya told her.

Illya seethed. "Because I'm sick of seeing homunculi faces in the castle at all times, mostly that of my grandfather and that of my backup unit! And I brought the only person working for us who is actually a person, since with her I actually can have freaking conversations and-"

"Your backup unit?"

"I don't like to talk about that!"

Somewhere in her flight to Japan, Chloe sneezed.

"Even if you like her for some reason," Illya said, "it's not like Grandfather to have a mere human as part of our staff! She can't be as efficient as a homunculus!"

"She was given to us as part of our agreement with the British royal house," Illya said. "In exchange, we gave Sella and Leysritt to them."

""What a tradedown!" Illya shouted at her. "What could the British royalty have to offer to us!? I can't see Grandfather needing or wanting anything from Elizabeth!"

Illya lifted an eyebrow. "Elizabeth?"

"You know, Elizabeth II!"

"Who?"

Illya facepalmed. "Don't tell me that in this stupid timeline there's a different-"

"Ohhh! I think that was the princess who was killed with the rest of the prior royal family in World War Two!" Illya realized. "Before the Britannias took over!"

Illya rang. "Woman! Bring me two more drinks! Make them strong ones!"

Somewhere else, far away, Schneizel smiled. "Checkmate, dear brother." he told the fallen youngster he stood over. "Sorry, but you never stood a chance."

Lelouch pulled the fragments of his shattered mask from his face. He coughed. "I still have one move left."

"And that would be...?" Schneizel frowned, tensing up. Then Leysritt jumped in through the window right behind him and ran him through with her halberd.


Holey Marriage.

"I refuse to carry on with this," Shirou said, arms folded, "unless we are married properly!"

Irisviel smiled. "That can be arranged! I know the person one must summon for something like this!"


Pope Johanna smiled and passed a hand over the large crowd gathered around Shirou. "In the name of the power invested upon me, I now declare you man and wives! You may kiss the brides!"

Shirou blinked. "I still am not sure this is a honest marriage!" he said, and a multitude of mouths descended upon his face.


Something Funny Happened in the Way from the Arctic.

"Well, it took you long enough!" Rin said. "Where had you been all those weeks?! We were worried about you! We took turns traveling the world looking for you, Fiore, Oda, Himiko and Erice are following a clue in Sudan right now!"

Shirou walked in, sighing. "Sorry, Rin. The terrorist we were hunting actually hid all the way into the North Pole."

"We found a way to keep ourselves warm while there, however! Oh ho ho!" Luvia laughed, dropping a large bag on Rin's arms as Artoria and Medea went into the house, exhausted.

Rin scowled. "You sure did... I'm tempted to hit you with a fire spell right now..."

"We also found something in the ice while we were there..." Medea meekly told her.

"And that is?" asked Rin.

Medea called over to someone in the garden. "Eve! Come here to meet Rin-san, will you?"

Rin blinked. A pretty girl with short red hair wearing a bridal gown and carrying a gigantic mace walked in at a very slow pace, looked at her apathetically through thick bangs, and said "Uuuuuu."

Then she dropped onto a couch and began napping quickly.

"She's like this when the weather is warm," Emiya said. "Maybe she spent way too long in the Pole and got used to the freezing cold?"

"Dammit, Shirou, next time you pull someone from a block of ice, try aiming for Captain America, will you?!" yelled Rin.


To be Continued?