I had been attempting to curl my hair when Enrique barged into my room, causing a large blister to form on my earlobe where the iron hit me and for me to yell out a few choice words. Unlike most people, I am able to say 'pardon my French' without being ironic. Thankfully he had at least enough sense to run back to the kitchen and grab me a bag of ice, which was only fair seeing as it was his fault I had burned myself.
"If I become disfigured, you're paying for my plastic surgery." I huffed at him, pressing it to my throbbing ear.
"In my defense, I've never seen you even attempt and curl your hair before. I didn't even know it was long enough for it."
He was smirking at me, genuinely apologetic for causing me to hurt myself but also not afraid to laugh at my pain. It was just the person he was, none of us safe from becoming the butt of some sort of joke or prank.
"I've been experimenting with growing it out." I said, running my fingers gently through the curls I had managed to succeed in making. "This hurts a lot, by the way..."
"I already apologized, what more do you want from me?" He got up and off of the bed, shrugging while he spoke and leaning against the frame of the door. "What's with the sudden new fashion statement anyway?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "I guess I've just been wanting to try something different."
The truth of the matter was that I had begun finding my normal attire to be boring, I dressed properly and had always worked hard in order to keep up appearances, but as of lately it hadn't been feeling like enough. I had never really taken the time to develop my own unique style and instead had remained true to what boys of my age and status were told to wear. There wasn't thought put into it, there was no real personality to my wardrobe.
Enrique dropped the conversation, instead asking me how orientation had gone and if I had managed to score phone numbers from any cute girls.
"How was Povel's, by the way?" He asked.
"You mean that whole beginning of the year party? I didn't go."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Enrique," I cringed, "I don't even like going to that thing with you, why would I go by myself?"
"You sound like Robert." He laughed, "He always acted like he was so much better than Johnny and me because he stayed home, but I think he really only stayed home because he has zero game. I mean, could you even imagine what kind of girl in her right mind would go for Robert?"
He seemed out of his element without Johnny around to encourage his cruel humor, causing it to come out more dry and a tad meaner than he meant for it to. He had always been cheeky, something that we came to accept. He took poking fun at us as a term of endearment and we all trusted he didn't do it behind our backs. Even as he took the time to mock Robert, it was nothing he wouldn't say to his face if given the chance.
"All I ever did at those parties was sit outside by myself while you sought after first years and Johnny drank enough to tranquilize a horse."
"You followed me around on occasion."
"You tried to get me to have a threesome with you..."
"Yeah, but you didn't have to hit me for it."
He had been drunk out of his mind that night and concluded that it was easier to hook up with a second guy than two girls and made some sort of spiel about it not being gay if the guys weren't actually doing anything to one another. I had slapped him before deciding to walk back to the dorms and had threatened to tell everyone of his plea did he ever bring the suggestion up again. I was not above being petty if the situation was warranted.
Adjusting the bag of ice, I winced in pain briefly before deciding to change the topic.
"Where were you, anyway?" I asked. "You said there was a family emergency and I haven't seen any of your brothers around either."
"Yeah, we took the same flight." He said, suddenly appearing uncomfortable as his gaze left me, wandering to anything else it could. He was avoiding the question, causing a sense of worry to fill my chest. Enrique took light of most situations, finding humor in even the most serious of topics.
"So what happened?" I asked.
"I just-" He mumbled. "I had to go to a doctors appointment. Get some shit sorted out."
"Gonorrhea again?" I cringed.
"No, you god damn smart ass." He backhanded me playfully, a stinging sensation going through my burned earlobe. "It's just some shit with Bianca."
"She's okay, right?"
I had only met her once or twice when visiting Rome, a nice, if not a bit materialistic girl. Not that I had the right to say anything about that, my school tuition costing more than most peoples homes did. Hell, even most of my beret's were Chanel brand.
"Yeah." Enrique mumbled. "Everything is fine." He didn't look fine, nibbling at his bottom lip as his hands began to fidget. "I mean, it will be, I'll figure it out."
"Figure what out?"
"I mean, I'm in the process of being, you know… cut off."
My interest was piqued and I raised an eyebrow at him, setting the pack of ice down and hunching over, arms resting on my knees.
"Temporarily, right?" I asked. He wasn't being disowned, was he? I mean, I knew Enrique struggled in school a bit and had at least one instance of being caught with alcohol in his room but that wasn't illegal. It was against school rules, sure, but not illegal.
He ran his hand through his hair and took a breath. He had seemed fine when we first began talking, but he seemed panicked now.
"Actually," He said. "I think I might be fucked."
"Did you catch something permanent?" I asked a bit more quietly. "Did you cheat and give her something?"
"Okay, look..." He glared. "More than half of the band kids ended up with gonorrhea too, it wasn't like it was just me and it's old news!"
"So then quit dragging your feet and tell me what's wrong."
"She's pregnant, Oliver."
I can't say for absolute certainty, but I believe that my mouth actually hung open the way one would see on television. There had been a lot of possibilities that I had expected and this was not one of them. Enrique was a bit of a player, sure, but he was careful.
"How long have you known?" I asked, unsure what else there was to say.
"I don't fucking know, man, it wasn't supposed to be a big deal."
"In what world is that not a big deal?"
"I don't know… I mean, I figured we could hire a nanny or something, it's not like any of us were actually raised by our parents."
"My parents actually did play a large role in raising me, thank you very much."
Although my sisters and I had grown up with two different nannies, our parents did remain quite involved and from what I knew of Enrique's home life, his had made the same attempt, slowed down only by the sheer size of his family and his own jealousy toward his identical twin, who he seemed to resemble less with age. Although Robert was an only child, his parents had always struck me as a bit distant and cold, a trait he had inherited. Johnny on the other hand, as the youngest of four boys, had been a mischief maker essentially from the time he could walk, exclusively going out of his way to get his brothers in trouble and regularly sporting the injuries of the typical sibling combat which I'd been raised to know better than to initiate in.
"What kind of parents abandon their kid when going through something like this? I don't know shit about what I'm doing, Ollie, it isn't fair for them to not be offering me any help!"
"Are you being kicked out?"
"I mean, not exactly… we're gonna stay in the guest house."
That was something at least, meaning that Enrique and I had very different viewpoints on what we considered offering help. He wasn't being abandoned, but I had known him for most of my life and was rather confident he wouldn't see it that way. Growing up, my sisters and I, despite having nannies and maids, were still expected to complete several chores around the house and had at least a basic understanding when it came to taking care of ourselves. His family on the other hand… well, he was significantly more along the lines of what you would call spoiled.
"The two- three," I corrected myself, "The three of you will all be living together then? Do you know when she's due?"
"Like I know any of that shit."
"Weren't you at the appointment with her?"
"Yeah but- I mean… Look, I don't fucking know, okay? Can we not talk about it anymore?"
I knew that he was stressed, but to be completely honest it was a difficult subject to drop. He needed at least a basic plan on what he was going to do now. Where there's pregnancy there would eventually be a baby. He may have still been in denial, but he definitely knew that. Besides, it's not like keeping it a secret was going to be an option. It was very likely that his brothers would be less than willing to keep any of this information to themselves, excitedly filling study period with all the latest gossip. He could expect a text message from Johnny within the next few days asking if it was true, that is if it even took that long for the information to get to him.
"I need to get to Performing Arts Club." I sighed. "You need to get to your club too, I doubt you can afford much in the way of truancy this year."
"It's just Model United Nations, they never bother taking attendance anyway. I'll never figure out why you join all this shit where you have to actually work, you'd be less of a nerd if you have some free time."
"In what world am I a nerd?" I asked with a slight chuckle.
"Have you ever gotten anything lower than an 'A' for any class?"
"Have you ever gotten anything above a 'C'?"
"You're making my point, Oliver, not yours."
I elbowed him playfully, running my fingers through my hair in order to separate the curls and to hide the blister that was forming on my earlobe and then smoothing out any wrinkles that had formed in my uniform. I wasn't required to wear a blazer or cardigan outside of classes and had decided to keep things casual, dawning a short sleeved white button up and tan sweater vest, although I did keep my cardigan tied around my shoulders, just in case.
"Do I look okay?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't have much of an opinion on it.
"You look like a fucking chick."
"I do not."
"I'm telling you Ollie, ditch the shorts."
"Forget I asked." I sighed, grabbing a tan messenger hat in lieu of a beret. My favorite part of the freedom we had with our uniforms during club hours was my ability to hide behind a hat once again, something I was seldom seen without unless it was in order to abide by a dress code. "Are you really gonna ditch club hours?"
"I do it all the time." He rolled his eyes at me. "Stop being such a tight ass."
Slipping into penny loafers, I coaxed him out of my room and locked the door behind me, going into the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of mineral water and waving him off in a sad excuse for a goodbye.
"Au revoir, mon ami." Enrique said dramatically before plopping himself down on the couch without a care.
I couldn't help but give a slight smirk as I left the dorm, making my way down the path and toward the auditorium, which was where Julia had told me to meet her. Actually, it was Raul I was the most interested in seeing again… Even though I had only met him once, I wasn't in denial of the fact that I had developed a small crush on him, if only because I thought he was cute. I was only out to my sister and was nowhere close to ready to be dating, but that didn't mean I couldn't admire those who I viewed as attractive.
Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it as I walked, I allowed my brain a moment of peace, attempting to slow my rapid thoughts and instead focus only on the cool breeze of autumn as it passed my face, a content sigh escaping me. The mountains kept the winds mild and it was still warm enough to have exposed skin up until the sun started going down. It was especially nice since it wasn't a far walk, the auditorium being on the same side of the building that the boys dorms were built off of. I even kept my eyes peeled for Raul while I walked and caught by surprise when I was successfully able to find both of them from the other side of the building.
"Looking for us, Livy Lou?" Julia smiled as they approached. Raul instead kept his head down, staying silent as his sister did all the talking just like he had during orientation.
"My name is Oliver." I reminded her, crossing my arms to my chest and allowing my annoyance to be heard. "You can call me Ollie if you're so determined to give me a nickname." It was really only my sister and Enrique who still called me that past primary school, but I didn't have a problem with it.
"Julia, can you just leave him alone?" Raul mumbled, a faint blush filling his face. I smiled shyly at him before turning away, my own cheeks also going a pale shade of pink. I had never really spoken to someone I found cute before, normally only thinking so toward men I may see walking by or toward actors in the movies or on television. Now I was stuck in that high school stereotype of not knowing how to communicate and stumbling on my words and I had hardly said even two to him.
"Suck up." Julia said before playfully smacking him on the back of the head. She plucked my cigarette out of the holder, flicking it onto the sidewalk and stepping in the embers, saying nothing as she raised an eyebrow and dawned a cheeky smile.
With little conversation to go off on, the three of us now walked to the auditorium in silence, entering through the back and shuffling around briefly in order to find the light switch. Although I spent time in here for band, I had never done anything behind the scenes and really didn't know my way around, currently a bit surprised at the amount of dust that covered most surfaces.
"If they're building sets back here then they're gonna be working with wood that probably needs to be sanded." Julia said, clearly noticing my look of disgust. "Even if whoever usually works back here tried to keep it clean it would be dusty again within the hour." She turned to her brother, "Have you been looking at manuscripts?" She asked.
"Um, yeah." Raul mumbled, opening the plastic folder he held.
I didn't know much about purchasing the rights for show performances. This was all new territory for me, even if I did like the idea of Broadway fame.
"I would honestly love to do something like Hedwig and the Angry Inch or maybe Rent. I would love to be able to do Rent..."
"That wouldn't make any sense." I said with a raised eyebrow. "You can't go to a school where the tuition costs more than some peoples mortgages and perform a show about a bunch of anarchists who refuse to work for 'the man'..."
"There's more to it than that." Julia smiled, "This show was a huge representation advocate for both the LGBT and the HIV community. For once, the gay community wasn't treated like a joke or some sort of B plot to be written out later in order to get a chuckle from an uncomfortable audience." She looked at her brother, "There aren't a lot of shows where we get to see ourselves represented… as real people, you know?"
My confusion set in as she continued to monologue, not taking notice of the wheels that turned in my head. Julia was a lesbian then I was guessing, or at least bisexual, and based on the bond the show appeared to give her with her brother it appeared Raul was likely gay as well, which I had already had a feeling about. Was that why they wanted me to join them? Did they have the same assumption about me that I had about him?
Blushing slightly at the thought that I was being obvious, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself while stepping back just slightly. I suddenly felt like I didn't want to be looked at or noticed, which was the opposite or my normal demeanor. Yet I couldn't stop my internal debate of whether or not I wanted to give up this chance of connecting with others who were like me… would they keep it a secret if I told them? I wasn't someone who was ever regarded as the shy type, my normally extroverted nature being the thing that made Enrique and I connect so well throughout our childhood, meaning the feeling of keeping something so close and hidden was a feeling I didn't fully understand.
I didn't want to be in the closet, but I felt like I had to be.
"So then… both of you?" I asked quietly as I pointed back and forth between the two of them. "My apologies… it really isn't my business."
"It's a bit complicated." Julia shrugged. "But I guess normalcy has never much been our style."
Complicated how?
"And your family doesn't mind?"
"It's more they've accepted that there isn't anything they can do about it."
Moving closer to me, she placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. I hadn't noticed during out last encounter how tall she was, clearly the first twin to hit puberty. The same thing had briefly happened with Enrique and Emanuele when they were around fifteen, Enrique going from his brothers mirror image to a mere shrimp and then evening out after maybe a bit less than a year, not catching up to him until relatively recently. I hadn't hit my final growth spurt yet and I was honestly fine with that.
"Does anyone at school know?"
"I'm an open book," Julia shrugged, "I don't exactly go out of my way to put my business center stage, but I don't have anything to hide. The school needs to have a copy of our birth certificates and I have no problem providing one. Either way, they call me by the name I ask them to and don't monitor what bathroom I'm using; even having to stay in the boys dorms doesn't bother me too much since I have my brother with me."
"Hang on," I asked. "Why are you staying in the male dormitories? Even with siblings I'm rather confident that isn't allowed."
"Because according to my birth certificate, I'm supposed to be a boy."
"They got your sex wrong on your birth certificate and you need to stay in the boys dorms…?"
Out of the blue, Julia burst into hysterical laughter, leaning forward and clutching her stomach tightly.
"Oh my god, that might be the best explanation I've ever heard in my life." She said through breaths she didn't seem able to catch. "I'm absolutely using that from now on."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"Look, Livy Lou," She giggled, "It's just… kind of hard to explain I guess."
"Pardon?"
"I'm not like other girls." She seemed to understand that I still didn't quite wrap my head around what she was saying, the confusion still quite obvious on my face. "I'm not really like anybody."
"So you were like… born a guy?" I asked.
"No, not really. I've always been a girl, my body just never really… made that clear to the vast majority. To be honest, my body never really made anything clear to the vast majority."
I still wasn't completely sure what she meant.
"Did you have a sex change operation?"
"Gender confirmation, not sex change, and no. I'm not old enough and I'm not completely sure I want one. That isn't really any of your business, though."
Had she not just said earlier than she was an open book?
The only term I had ever heard that meant going from male to female or vise versa was a sex change operation, something normally used on television and movies in order to get a quick laugh from the audience. I knew that cross dressers existed, but she seemed to be explaining something different. Something I had never really heard of before.
"Are you gay?" I heard myself ask, a rather impolite question that I had already apologized for asking only moments before.
"Raul is." She happily announced for him. He didn't seem to mind, more nervous at the prospect of attention suddenly on him than her speaking on his behalf. "I like men, though."
"But you are a..." I froze as her face dropped, looking as though she was daring me to finish my statement. In her mind, she was absolutely 100% a girl, even if the rest of the world might not see it that way.
"Ollie," She began, using my actual name for the first time, even if it was one that only Enrique and my sisters ever called me, "Are you… not out?"
I took a slight step back while putting my head down shyly, not feeling embarrassed at the question per say but instead having a sense of shame flow over me. I suddenly didn't mind that they assumed, instead finding myself feeling guilty that I hadn't been the one to tell them.
"I've only told my sister." I admitted. "My family can be a bit traditional and it's not anyone's best interest for me to become some sort of scandal."
"No offense, but you don't do a very good job hiding it."
"I don't remember asking your opinion."
"So, have you like… never even kissed a boy?"
"Does it matter?"
"I mean, if I have to use you as a stand in at any point I don't want to accidentally give your first kiss to my brother or anything weird like that."
Raul didn't look at me, obviously going out of his way in not doing so and instead focusing on his fidgeting hands, possibly hoping that I didn't notice that he was blushing. I still struggled to understand Julia's meaning when she spoke, unable to comprehend whether or not she was being cheeky. I knew I was overthinking it, but I couldn't help but suddenly wonder if Raul had said anything to her. Had he asked to kiss me? I hadn't even been planning on auditioning, more interested in sticking to the background and focusing my abilities on things like painting backdrops or conducting the music.
"Isn't this club only meant to focus on the behind the scenes portion of the production?" I asked. "I'm not much of an actor."
"You're one of the gifted kids, though, aren't you?" Julia asked. "You guys are supposed to be good at everything."
"I'm better at Language Arts and World History than things like Maths and Science, but I'm not a poor student in any regards. I don't have the ability to just excel at everything with no issue, though. I'm not much of a singer or an actor and wasn't planning on being a stand in for you guys."
"You said you can paint, right?"
"Quite well, if I say so myself."
"What about sewing or designing? Can you do any of that?"
"Sort of, but I wouldn't call myself an expert by any means."
"Well then, what are you an expert at?"
"I mean..." I mumbled. "Like I said, I'm a good artist. I can also cook well… I play three instruments and I'm fluent in six languages."
"Can you manage your accent while speaking?" She asked. "Like, can you put on a British or an American accent?"
"I think so." I shrugged. I had never paid much attention to my own accent and couldn't hear it very well without going out of my way to take notice. My entire team spoke with different accents when using English, though, and we all seemed to understand one another fine. Apart from Johnny, who could be difficult to interpret even though English was his first language. "By the way..." I asked, looking over my shoulder and around the stage backdrop. "It isn't only us, is it?"
"We're in the process of figuring that out right now. We have a few other sign ups who didn't bother showing up today, that's part of the reason I'm questioning your ability. We want to put on a small show for Recognition in October, before we actually start holding auditions."
Now she just sounded pathetic. Club Recognition was meant for the smaller clubs that were unable to meet the requirements for numbers, a completely pathetic attempt to get themselves off the ground before being buried six feet under and never being touched or heard from again. It was likely the entire reason that backstage remained such a dusty mess. It was probable that the three of us weren't the first people to attempt a Drama Club of sorts and it was even more so that those who tried in the past had been unable to succeed. It didn't help that Julia seemed interested in shows that lacked the fanbase we needed in order to get the ball rolling.
"You should try and put on something that will be taken seriously." I stated, "Maybe start with Shakespeare In The Park first, then you can go back and perform the shows that you want."
"Every high school in existence does Shakespeare In The Park. My goal is to be different, to do something that would interest people our age and draw in a crowd due to our uniqueness. I mean, why do you think I took a liking to you?"
"Because I have talent?"
"Because you're unique. You have a feminine sense of fashion and aren't afraid to express that. You aren't afraid of gender or social norms; you're just you."
I blushed slightly as she spoke, Enrique's words from earlier ringing in my ear like the Bells of Notre Dame except oddly more annoying. I wanted to correct her, to say that my fashion sense wasn't different than any other boy my age. I wasn't sure what caused me to hold my tongue as I peeked up just slightly at Raul, who momentarily looked back at me before breaking eye contact. He seemed embarrassed at his sisters statement. That or he simply took pity on me.
"I don't have to take part in any of this, you know." I said, wrinkling my brow in annoyance. "You don't know anything about me."
"Don't take everything I say so personally. I appreciate that you're able to stand up for yourself, but it doesn't come in handy much when my goal has never been to knock you down. You want a club that you can excel in and this is it. You're gifted in things we can use here and I'm not going to beat around the bush about it, if you want me to say that I'm just using you then I'll say it, but I'm using you for things that can help people like us be seen and heard. I'm not meant to be in the background and neither are you, so if you want climb to the top, this is your chance."
I glared at her slightly, bringing a hand to my hip for no reason other than to show irritated defeat. Julia had found my only weakness… I was not one to turn down the chance to flaunt my abilities. I wasn't ready to be open about my sexual preferences, but that by no means meant I had poor self esteem. My pride would someday be the thing that took me down; I had accepted that long ago.
"So what is it that you want me to do?" I asked. "Just dress up?"
"You make it sound so boring, mon petite chou-fleur,"
"Don't call me that."
"We're going to go all out. No one will even remember the other clubs that are presenting."
"Quit being so secretive, it's annoying."
"We're going to do our entire presentation anonymously, by having a masquerade. We have an opportunity to show others that we're a place where you can truly be who you want to be."
Had I not known better, I would have believed that these two had once performed in a damn circus, shaking my head as I attempted to hide the small smirk that threatened to form on my face. Julia may be the one person who gave me a run for my money when it came to a love of being the center of attention, and the more I listened to her, the more I understood why something as simple as a Gay-Straight Alliance wasn't nearly enough pizzazz. If we had to fit into some sort of stereotype, I suppose theater and drama was as least an area where I could make myself comfortable.
"I have a few books we could look through." I said. "You're going to stick out a lot more than Raul and I will, though. The women are really the ones who go all out."
"Not enough." Julia stated, shoving a pointer finger in my face. "I want to take advantage of the anonymity of it."
"Meaning what?"
Raul sighed, finally speaking up for what felt like the first time since we got here.
"Meaning she's putting me in a dress again."
Author note: My high school experience regarding Shakespeare in the park is mine only and I do not speak for anyone else in regards to whether or not it's the most overdone and boring thing in the history of teenage theater production.
Sighed, A now ancient once-theater-kid
