Deceit didn't mean to stay away from Frank's for so long; it just happened that way. So when he did finally pull into the driveway, he knew he was going to get an ear full this time.

He opened the front door and simply called, "I'm home."

"JANUS DECEIT SIDE!" Frank's bellowing replied from deep within the house. "BOY YOU BEST BE JOKING!"

Deceit sighed and walked into the kitchen, where Frank met him. His lecturing hadn't stopped the whole time.

"SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT, TAKING MY CAR, GONE FOR HOURS-" Frank sized him up, grabbing him by the shoulders. He looked Deceit up and down, as he said, "Where were you? What the hell were you up to?"

"Nothing bad," Deceit said as he handed over the car keys, "I promise."

Frank shook his head, clearly still upset, but marginally calmer. "You can't disappear on people like that, boy. They get scared."

Deceit felt touched at the man's expression, and he swallowed down the emotion. His eyes darted away and he shifted on his feet. "I can take care of myself, Frank. I'm not a kid anymore."

"Then stop acting like one!" Frank snapped. He shoved something into Deceit's hand and said, "You deserve this."

Confused, Deceit looked down at his hand. It was a key. A car key, on a little key ring with another, smaller key attached. Deceit's eyes widened and he gasped, "Is- is this for me?"

"I want you to stop stealin' my car to feel badass." Frank said, crossing his arms. "That's all yours. It's in the garage."

Delighted, Deceit sprinted to the garage door and threw it open. Sitting in the center of the otherwise empty space, was a brand new, red bicycle. It was chained to a dumbbell with a little lock on it. Deceit looked down at his keys. The big one was old and faded, while he could see his own reflection in the smaller one.

Frank's laughter echoed throughout the house behind him. Deceit whipped around, his cheeks flushed.

He pummeled at Frank's chest with his fists, shouting, "That's not funny, you bastard! Fuck you!"

Frank kept laughing, tears forming in his eyes. He sighed a big breath, and wiped his eyes. "Oh, that was great. You thought I'd get you a car? Really?"

"I'm not riding a freaking bicycle everywhere. I'm not twelve." Deceit told him, the skin on his face hot. He crossed his arms and tried to not look like a child.

Frank ruffled his hair and said, "Then get yourself your own car. You're not using mine anymore."

"I can't afford my own car." Deceit said, a slight whine in his voice.

Frank grinned, like he was expecting this answer, "Then ain't you lucky you got an uncle nice enough to get you a ride?"

Deceit rolled his eyes and stalked away. He said over his shoulder, "You're not funny!"

"Don't forget, Janny, rent's due today!" Frank cackled, all too pleased with himself.

Deceit stormed downstairs and threw the keys across his room. They hit the wall with a metallic clack and landed on the ground to collect dust. Deceit glared at it before he jumped on his bed. The sheets were cold from disuse. Deceit sighed to himself, closing his eyes. He imagined he was back in Logic's bed, whispering about politics and morals and everything they could think of. Deceit was fully expecting Logic to be perfect in every way. That was all a part of his plan, obviously.

The crabs clacked in their cage, and Deceit sat up to inspect them. He fed them and gave them both a small pet.

"Girls. We have a new contestant." Deceit told them dramatically.

Sasha and Rose blinked at each other.

Deceit nodded, counting on his fingers, "Yes, let's review. We have Patton - we hate him - and Roman." Deceit thought for a second before saying, "He's not interesting at all."

He held up a third finger, a smile forming across his lips. "Now we have Logic on our side. He's a bit of a stickler for the rules, but we can fix that."

Deceit slipped out of his jacket and kicked his shoes off. The crabs watched him undress as they ate. He continued, "He's just so fun."

He pulled his shirt off and moved to his closet to find something new. He found a simple black t-shirt and threw it on. He looked at the crabs over his shoulder.

"I think I want to fuse with him."

Rose clacked at Sasha with her claw, fighting for the food.

"I know, I know. Then he'll know I'm lying." Deceit pulled his pants down and grabbed some jeans from the floor. He hopped on one foot as he dressed and said, "But that's the fun of it!"

He flopped backwards onto his bed, his pants mostly on. He told the ceiling excitedly, "The rush, the chase. The thrill of being caught!"

Deceit tilted his head back so he could peer at the crabs from his spot on the bed. "How long can we keep this going?"

Suddenly, his phone started vibrating beside him. Deceit growled and answered it. Bitterly, he said, "Hello, who's interrupting me?"

"Interrupting what? You trying to get laid?" A familiar voice said in his ear. Crude, one of the only Sides Deceit can stand to be around.

"Are you offering?" Deceit said playfully, sitting up. He buttoned his pants with one hand.

His friend laughed, then said, "That depends, have you gotten any prettier? Or do you still look like a wrinkly asshole?"

Deceit gasped, looking at himself in the mirror across the room. His hand on his chest, he said, "I thought I was the liar here. Are you Crude or Cruel?"

"Either." Crude said, and Deceit could practically hear the shrug in their voice. The background noise grew and Crude said, "Hey, we're down at Mister's. Come and play a couple rounds with us."

Deceit looked at his watch, it was just a little past lunch time. He nodded and said, "Alright, I'll be there in a minute."

"Don't keep me waiting, sexy."

"Am I ugly or sexy?" Deceit asked. "Pick a side, Side."

"Yeah, yeah. Just get over here so I can beat your ass at pool." Crude said, then hung up.

Deceit sighed and stood up. He went to his desk and searched through his many envelopes of money. He gathered together enough for Frank's rent, but that didn't leave much for himself. Maybe he could win a couple bucks today.

He checked himself over in his mirror, then blew a kiss to the crabs. "Bye, darlings!"

The bar isn't actually that far from Deceit's place, and he wasn't in the mood to argue with Frank again. So he strolled there, keeping an eye out for familiar faces. Once he ducked inside the bar, he relaxed at the familiar atmosphere.

Crude was easy to find; sitting at a small table with another Side. They were shouting at the live band. Deceit slid into the open seat next to them.

"Take your pants off!" Crude shouted, banging their hand on the table.

"Cheating on me already?" Deceit asked, stealing Crude's beer. He took a sip, smirking when they jumped in surprise.

Crude grinned and threw an arm around his shoulders. "You know it. Where've you been?"

"Around." Deceit glanced across the table, nodding to the other Side who sat there. His name was Manic-Arrogant, and Deceit always enjoyed his company.

Currently, Manic-Arrogant was crushing up his peanuts and throwing the mess at the stage. His efforts were in vain, as most of the dust floated down in the aisle next to his seat.

Deceit nodded in a small greeting, "Manic."

"I'm so glad you're here!" Manic-Arrogant said, before throwing back a shot. He swallowed and threw the glass down, causing it to shatter into millions of shards.

Crude shook their head and gestured to the mess, "Fuck, Man! Now we gotta get outta here before Mister sees."

Manic-Arrogant hissed and smacked himself in the forehead. He winced and said, "Oh, I forgot! I can't break shit here!"

"Works for me." Deceit said, still holding Crude's beer. He stood up and the others followed him, leaving their table as a mid-meal mess. Deceit glanced around and scowled at the sight of Horny. He had nothing against the Side, but the last time they interacted, Deceit was Daniel. He remembered Patton's unease at being flirted with. He had felt that discomfort like it was his own. Daniel didn't know how to respond, and Deceit had to step in.

The memories left a bad taste in Deceit's mouth, and he took a gulp of his beer to wash it away. It was fine. He didn't care about Patton's feelings. So he didn't need to waste time thinking about it now.

Horny was leaning against the wall, his chin tilted back as he looked up at an Established woman. She was talking about something, her hand resting on his shoulder.

Crude appeared next to him and followed his gaze, "Ew. I hate it when grown people have Side kinks."

Deceit shook his head, his eyes never leaving Horny's pleased expression. "Poor son of a bitch doesn't even care."

"I thought this was a Sides-only bar." Crude grumbled.

"You think Mister can keep track of this place?" Deceit snorted.

"True. I'll get all the details on that later." Crude said, glancing the couple up and down. Deceit didn't doubt that; there's nothing Crude loved more than dirty little secrets.

There was another crash of glass shattering. Deceit looked back to their table to see Manic-Arrogant had broken more of Mister's shot glasses. He gave the duo a barely apologetic shrug. Deceit rolled his eyes and gestured to the door, "Let's go, you hooligans."

It was then that Mister found them through the crowd. He shouted from across the room, "I told you not to come back!"

Deceit grinned and yelled back, "That was my fusion!"

He held up his two - and only two - arms for emphasis. He flipped Mister the bird as he did. He could see Mister getting more mad, and he laughed, pushing his friends to the door.

They ran down the street and stopped at the corner. Deceit laughed as he realized he was still holding the beer. Most of it had fallen out while they were running, but there was still a few good gulps left. Deceit took a drink, then passed it to Crude, who did the same. Manic-Arrogant finished it off, then threw the bottle into the street. It shattered and the glass pieces skid across the cement.

"Yes! Did you see that!?" Manic-Arrogant said, grinning at his work. "I'm the bottle-breaking champion!"

One of Manic-Arrogant's favorite impulses was to break glass. He liked the sound and look of it; the action of throwing and destroying something. Deceit had lost a couple of belongings to Manic-Arrogant's obsession before, he didn't plan to repeat that.

"I am so proud of you." Deceit said, looking down the road. The sun was slowly starting it's descent down, and in a couple hours it'll be dusk. "Now what?"

"Walk with me, boys." Crude said, leading the way down the sidewalk. "I'm thirsty."

"We were just at a bar." Deceit muttered to himself. He pulled a quarter out of his pocket and whistled at Manic-Arrogant. The other Side whipped around to look at the shiny coin. Deceit threw it in the opposite direction and hissed, "Fetch!"

Manic-Arrogant sprinted past him, chasing the coin. Deceit caught up with Crude just as Manic-Arrogant disappeared down around the corner. Crude glanced over their shoulder and raised their eyebrow, "Where'd Manic go?"

Deceit shrugged, "You know how he scampers off."

Crude frowned at him, clearly suspicious. But they shrugged it off and asked, "What happened to your face?"

Deceit groaned dramatically, looking up at the sky. "You'll never believe this. I met my Sides."

"Oh shit!" Crude gasped, watching him with wide eyes, "How many? All of them?"

"No, three." They were approaching a busy road, and Deceit took Crude's hand. He pulled them across the intersection, forcing a car to stop suddenly. The car honked at them, and Crude flipped it off. At the other side of the road, he explained, "The first one gave me this lovely thing."

He gestured to the scar and Crude poked it. He winced, as it felt like getting jabbed by an annoyed cat right below his eye. He swatted their hand away. They pouted and said, "Tell me about it."

"His name is Patton. He's an Ethical trait."

"Ew." Crude pulled a face, and Deceit chuckled.

"Right?" They started walking down the sidewalk again, shoulders bumping. Deceit touched his cheek lightly, explaining, "We fused once and he scars me for life."

"Damn." Crude whistled, "What'd you do to him?"

"Nothing!" Deceit scoffed, placing a hand on his chest in offense. Crude gave him a disbelieving look, and shoved him with their elbow. "Mister was being a dick so I punched him. Patton got shitty about it."

Crude nodded, contemplating the information. Then they asked, "Do you want to get revenge on him?"

"No." Deceit immediately replied. The word startled him, slipping past his lips before he fully considered the question. He backpedaled, "No. Maybe. I don't know."

Crude smirked at him, and they stopped walking. Cars sped past them on the road and Deceit looked up at the sky to ignore his friend. He felt his face heat up and he desperately tried to force his blush away.

He cleared his throat, and muttered, "That's pending. Patton pending."

"Fuck you." Crude laughed.

"Later." Deceit walked past them, approaching a gas station at the corner of the street. Crude caught up to him, still giggling. "Anyway, I haven't seen him since then, and now I'm with these other two. Some Creative trait and a Logic Side."

"Cool." Crude opened the door to the gas station for him, slapping his butt as he passed them. Deceit glared at them over his shoulder, and the other Side winked. "Have you fucked them?"
"No," Deceit scoffed, unimpressed by the question. "I haven't fused with them either. They think I'm Patton."

"Ooooh! Fun!" Crude sang as they led the way to the fridges at the back of the store. They grabbed a soda and a Gatorade, handing one to Deceit. He slyly stuck it in his pants, glancing around as he did so. Crude opened their soda, taking a drink of it. They swallowed and asked, "Do you like them?"

Deceit turned and walked to the cashier, Crude following behind him. He thought about the question. He barely knew either of the Sides, but so far he preferred Logic. Roman seemed like a sissy. He shrugged, "They could be better."

"Can't pick your Sides." Crude said with a shrug, handing the cashier their drink. They paid for it while Deceit leaned against the counter, pressing the soda in his pants in place. The cashier handed them the drink and receipt and the two of them left.

Once outside, Deceit pulled his Gatorade out and drank from it. They amicably wandered back the way the came in silence. Eventually, Deceit said, "I only need to find one more."

"That's fucking insane." Crude shook their head, "I haven't met one of those fuckers and you have three."

"It's a gift." Deceit said, earning another laugh.

"You won't forget me when you're Established, will you?" Crude said, their tone light.

Deceit shook his head, "You, my dear? You're unforgettable."

"My dick's unforgettable." They said, pulling out their phone. They looked at it for a second before they sighed. "Manic got stuck in a dumpster, I have to go get him."

"Well, have fun with that." Deceit made a face, imagining how disgusting the other Side must smell right now. "I'm going anywhere but home. Frank's been such a dick lately."

"I'm not surprised." Crude said, glancing up from their phone every once and a while. They were texting a reply to Manic-Arrogant. "He's been a dick all his Established life."

"True." Deceit said, even as some part of him mentally defended his uncle. "Well, text me and I'll totally answer."

"Uh-huh. Have fun with those new fuck buddies of yours." Crude said, finally looking at him to give him a fist-bump. "I want all the juicy details."

"Naturally." Deceit said, pounding their knuckles together.

With that, Crude turned and walked off. They called over their shoulder in parting, "Suck a dick, dumb shit!"

Deceit gave a tiny wave to their back. He sighed as his friend walked away, glancing around. He pulled out his own phone and checked the notifications. He expected it to be blank, but a tiny icon for a new text stared back at him.

Slowly, he clicked it and the message grew larger.

Logic: Greetings, Patton. I hope you made it home safely. Would you like to have a phone call before we retire for the night?

Deceit looked up at the sky, finding a few stars in the low light. He hadn't realized how late it was, and he's sure Frank would tear him a new one when he got back. He glanced around him and saw some stone stairs leading up to a closed building. He sat down at the bottom step and called Logic.

He picked up after the first ring, and Deceit smiled to himself. He fiddled with the lid of his Gatorade and mumbled, "Hey, baby..."


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