Virgil stared at him with a clearly terrified expression. Patton took a second to let the information sink in, his own thoughts slowing in surprise.
Anxiety. He's an Anxious Side.
Patton shifted slightly, setting Shadow down to run off. He cleared his throat and looked back to Virgil with a smile and a shrug.
"That's not so bad." He said, "There's lots of Anxiety Sides in the world."
"Yeah, but have you ever been anxious before?" Virgil asked, skeptical.
Patton's lips pulled tight as he said, "Well, no. But, how different is it from Jumpy-Timid?"
"Way different. When's the last time you had to talk your sister down from a panic attack?" He asked, sitting back slightly.
"Uh…" Patton thought to himself. When was the last time JT had a panic attack? She didn't usually react like that. Her fear was quick, short bursts. He scratched his chin as he said, "Um, probably several years ago now."
"Exactly." Vigirl said, sounding unsurprised with his answer. "Has she ever had to go to the hospital because she couldn't breathe from freaking out too bad?"
Patton silently shook his head.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Virgil grumbled, more to himself than to Patton. He shook his head, hanging it low with slouched shoulders. "Go ahead and cut me out of your life now, it'll save us both the hassle."
"Hassle? No, Verge, I don't mind at all!" Patton said, placing his hand on his own chest. "If this is who you are, then I'm okay with it."
Virgil stared at him, and Patton could see the doubt and fear wrestling in his eyes. He wanted to help, but he wasn't sure how. Jumpy-Timid had varied reactions; sometimes she didn't want to be touched, or talked to. Other times, she would run to Patton and hide behind him. He had no idea what Virgil needed when he was upset.
"What about- what about the last guy?" Virgil said quietly, his gaze darting away. He scratched his head and said, "He was a Negative trait, too."
"I thought Anxiety was labeled an Illness-Emotional trait?" Patton asked, frowning slightly.
A few years ago, he had a kiddo at his daycare who had a special interest in the Side labeling system. Her parents had informed him that they weren't letting her study any Negative traits, as they weren't age appropriate. Patton remembered helping her read the books she brought in, and many mental illnesses were removed from the Negative trait labels in the late 60's.
Virgil froze, his eyes widening slightly. Patton watched as he swallowed thickly. Shakily, Virgil whispered, "Yeah, right. Right, no, right."
Patton hesitated, watching the other's expression. Finally, he took Virgil's hand, and gave it a small squeeze. "How do you feel about lying?"
"Um, it makes me anxious." He said, watching their hands.
"What about stealing?"
He frowned, glancing at Patton, "What if I got caught?"
Patton gave him a small smile, then asked, "And fistfights?"
This time Virgil hesitated, he thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I guess that one would depend on the context, but yeah, I wouldn't… I wouldn't start one."
Patton sighed in relief and smiled widely. "Deceit had a choice to not lie. He could have chosen to not steal or hurt someone. Do you get to choose when you feel anxious?"
"No…" Virgil said, his gaze drifting away in thought again.
"So I wouldn't be mad at you for your feelings." Patton said, pulling his hand to his lips. Virgil scoffed softly, even as his cheeks turned pink. Patton glanced around the small apartment, his eyes landing on the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"
"I guess." Virgil followed his gaze.
"I'm not much of a cook, but we could make something together before we watch the show?" Patton asked. He let go of Virgil's hand and added, "If you still want to hang out with me."
Virgil nodded and stood up. "Yeah, um, sounds good."
Patton smiled, feeling a warmth of relief washing through him. Virgil chewed his lip and returned his smile, soft and shy.
He led them to the kitchen, saying over his shoulder, "I can't really cook either. What did you have in mind?"
"Why not something easy, then?" Patton said, skipping past him. He put a hand on the fridge and raised an eyebrow at Virgil, "Is it okay to look through your stuff?"
Virgil shrugged and nodded. "Go for it."
He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. Patton smiled again and opened the fridge. He saw plenty of fresh produce for someone who doesn't cook much. Patton quickly opened the freezer as well and nodded to the frozen pizza inside.
"Want some pizza?" He asked.
"Sure." Virgil turned and preheated the oven as Patton pulled the pizza out. He closed the freezer and ducked into the fridge to grab some produce.
As he set peppers, onions, a tomato, and cheese on the counter, he said, "Here's a fun tip, kiddo! You can make a frozen pizza fancy by adding some fresh toppings!"
Virgil chuckled and asked, "Oh, yeah? How long did it take you to learn that one?"
"Probably a year." Patton laughed, pulling the plastic off the pizza. "Have you ever done this?"
Virgil paused, but shook his head. "I just throw it in."
"That's what I thought." Patton teased, poking Virgil on the nose. He wrinkled it in response, and that only made Patton laugh again.
Virgil pulled out some cutting boards and knives. They stood quietly while they cut the veggies. They took turns sprinkling their toppins on the pizza before adding a hefty layer of cheese.
After they slid it into the oven, Patton turned to Virgil and asked, "Do you want to watch an episode while we wait?"
Virgil wiped his hands on his pants and then nodded, "Yeah, sure."
They settled on the couch, first sitting apart from each other. As Virgil pulled up the first episode of Avatar, Patton grabbed a blanket. He glanced at the blanket, then to Virgil, who was focused on the TV.
Well, the blanket wasn't long enough for them to share it and sit so far away. Pleased with the opportunity to cuddle, he shifted closer until their knees were touching. Virgil glanced at him as he covered them both in the blanket, but said nothing.
Patton didn't move any closer, and sat still as they watched the first episode. Shortly after Zuko mentioned his honor for the third time; Patton felt the warm pressure of something touching him. He glanced down, and watched as Virgil's fingers slowly slid over his hand.
Biting his lip, Patton rolled his hand over, palm up. Inch by inch, Virgil's hand moved forward until their fingers intertwined. Patton kept his eyes on the screen as he gave Virgil's hand a small squeeze. Virgil shifted beside him, and Patton glanced over.
The short eye contact they shared was enough for them to recognize their own embarrassment. Both men snickered, their laughter growing louder as they curled against each other. Patton hid his hot face in Virgil's shoulder. Virgil took that moment to wrap his arm around Patton, pulling him even closer.
They stayed like that until the oven alarm told them the pizza was done. Reluctantly, Virgil got up and went to the kitchen while Patton paused the show. He stared at Zuko's frozen face on the screen. The firebender had a burn scar across his eye and when Patton blinked, he only saw Deceit's face.
Patton sighed and shifted closer to himself, his arms wrapping around his torso. He stared down at his feet and thought about the last time he felt this comfortable around someone. But Virgil isn't like Destiny. Anxiety isn't like Deceit. Maybe it will be different this time.
He chewed his lip and imagined being a Fusion with Virgil. What does Anxiety feel like? Is it like staying up late, watching shadows get bigger in the dark? Is it like drinking too much coffee? Is it like seeing a spider!?
Being with Deceit was draining. Confusing, and painful. He didn't want a relationship like that again. Jumpy-Timid didn't seem so bad, but Virgil said he was worse.
"Pat?" Patton jumped when Virgil appeared beside him, two plates of pizza in his hands. He shifted nervously on his feet, not fully looking at him. Patton moved over to give him some room to sit and took one of the plates. Virgil sat next to him and took a deep breath. "Can we talk?"
"Of course." Patton said, shaking his head free of his thoughts. He didn't need to think about Deceit right now. "What's up, kiddo?"
Virgil squared his shoulders and said firmly, "I don't want to fuse with you."
"Oh." Patton whispered numbly. Somewhere in his mind, he thought, 'So that's what that feels like.'
"I just mean-" Virgil quickly explained, "I think we shouldn't try. Not yet."
Patton swallowed around his dry mouth and asked, "But … later?"
"Yeah, later." Virgil looked away, shifting in his seat. "I just keep thinking about-"
"What if it's like last time?" Patton interrupted, his eyes widening slightly.
His shoulders relaxed, and Virgil sighed, "Yeah…"
Patton covered his mouth with his hands and shook his head. On one hand, he was disappointed about not being able to fuse; but on the other, Virgil shared the same fears he did, and still wanted to try something later. Patton didn't know when "later" would be, but he was willing to wait. Thankful, even. He wasn't sure if he was ready to try again, either.
"Okay, yeah." Patton said, distractedly lowering his hand. He placed it on Virgil's knee and said, "I understand. We'll take it slow." He nodded to himself and added, "And Verge? Even if we can't fuse, I still want to be your friend."
Virgil graced him with the smallest smile and mumbled a shy, "Thanks."
Patton smiled and squeezed his knee. Virgil's smile widened as he slowly but firmly pushed Patton's hand off his leg.
"You can't touch me, dork." He said with a mouthful of a laugh. He took a bite of his pizza as he watched Patton.
"What?!" Patton whined, scooting closer, "You didn't tell me that was part of the deal!"
"Oh, bullshit!" Virgil laughed, turning so his knees were in between them. "You knew what you were getting into!"
Patton rested his cheek on Virgil's knee and asked, "What if we just don't fuse while we cuddle?"
"Oh, why didn't I think of that." Virgil mocked, and Patton giggled at the funny voice he used. "If I've never done it how will I not accidentally trigger it?"
"It happens when you're in total sync with your Side." Patton said, sighing sadly. He stared at the plate in Virgil's hand. "That's why most people dance. You're thinking, doing, and feeling the same things."
"I can't dance." Virgil said.
"Me neither." Patton grinned.
Virgil placed his foot on Patton's stomach and slowly extended his leg until Patton had no choice but to flop backwards. Virgil expertly avoided the plate in Patton's lap as he shifted again on the couch. He said, "New rule: no touching and feelings at the same time. We can be mushy or we can touch but not both."
"I can only touch you when we're arguing?" Patton asked, frowning in confusion. He sat up and finally took a bite from his pizza.
Virgil hesitated, then nodded, "Yes."
Patton glanced at him, then at his leg, before he slowly placed his hand on Virgil's ankle. As seriously as he could, he said, "MCR isn't even good."
"I take it back," Virgil said, leaning as far away from him as he could, "Don't touch me at all."
Patton laughed and set his plate on the coffee table. He laid on top of Virgil's side, wrapping his arms around the other man. "I think this counts are arguing!"
"You must be Remy's Side, you're so fucking annoying!" Virgil grumbled, but even he couldn't hold back his laughter.
They calmed down and Patton released him, sitting a respectable distance away. He smiled at Virgil, who turned on Avatar again. Patton tried to watch the show, he really did, but he kept getting distracted by Virgil.
He seemed different now. More relaxed; like Patton learning about his Side name, and them agreeing to not fuse put him at ease. Patton remembered how scared he felt when he came in and saw Virgil on the table, shaking. It's hard to think that they're the same person. But every second Patton spent with him, they felt more and more comfortable together.
Patton smiled when Virgil caught him staring from across the couch. So far away, but somehow, Patton didn't mind.
Tell me what you think!
