24. "Auxiliary Document 4"
The following is a transcript of a video provided to our editors by The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS), a Warwick, Rhode Island-based paranormal investigation organization made famous for their television show Ghost Hunters, originally airing on the Sci Fi Channel. Our contact at TAPS (who wishes to go unnamed) said they were with the organization at the time that the video was submitted and was kind enough to share with us what they recalled about it. According to our contact, the team received the videotape in the mail shortly after the second season of Ghost Hunters began airing; the package's return address was to a trailer park in Peach Creek, Delaware. The tape was sent without any sort of accompanying letter or explanation of its contents, and the crew was originally hesitant to watch the tape for fear that it was a prank and the tape's contents were inappropriate or possibly even contraband. However, at the behest of Ghost Hunters' producers, they were encouraged to view the tape anyway so as not to miss out on any opportunity for a good episode, as it was especially rare that prospective clients sent footage rather than simply a letter or an email. The footage depicts a supposed paranormal incident occurring in the kitchen of a private home, presumably a mobile home; in the video are three teenage girls who at first appear to simply be friends but who are soon clarified to be sisters, likely adopted: a coyote ("Lee"), an opossum ("May") and a raccoon ("Marie"). The details of the encounter will be recounted in full in the transcription below. Our contact tells us that many members of the team watched the footage together and were divided on whether they were convinced of its authenticity, the skeptics claiming that the events were so "over-the-top" that it was either a clear fakery or the most convincing piece of evidence of the paranormal ever recorded, and for the sake of TAPS' credibility ("which at that point was still intact," our contact joked, after which they reiterated their request for anonymity), the group chose to err on the side of caution. However, many of those who believed in the authenticity of the video were also hesitant to pursue the case; some argued that the "poltergeist-like" nature of the event was such that there would be no replicable paranormal activity to record if an on-site investigation was launched, while others noted the teenage sisters' "excessive roughhousing," their explicit and "very politically incorrect" language, and their constant and frank discussion of their adolescent libidos and their attraction to boys and men of varying ages may have made the episode a particularly uncomfortable one to record and to watch and may have even made the episode hazardous for the crew to film if the home's inhabitants regularly behaved as "reckless[ly]" as seen in the video. Our contact theorizes that Sci Fi Channel executives were unlikely to ever pursue the case for a television episode anyway as the show largely moved away from investigating private homes after its successful first season, but this person also notes that the team's minds were effectively made up for them when they could not get into contact with a responsible adult at the residence.
VIDEO BEGINS
The timestamp reads "WED JUN 15 05 10:07 PM". The camera is pointed at a refrigerator and some cabinetry. An opossum's hand opens a high cabinet and the camera shifts quickly several times as it is placed on a cabinet shelf. As this is happening, the following dialogue can be heard (voices matched to names later revealed):
LEE (O.S.): -any better ideas for what we should do tonight!?
MARIE (O.S.): Ooh, look at me, I'm Lee, I believe in spooky ghosties and I'm gonna talk to them with a game I bought at Toys "R" Us!
We can now see the kitchen. May (the opossum) is in front of the camera and looking right into the lens, smiling. Her sisters Lee (the coyote) and Marie (the raccoon) are sitting at the kitchen table, where there is a Ouija board set up. Because of the angle of the camera, viewers can but barely read the board.
Lee grabs the planchette and leans over the table toward Marie. She grabs Marie's ear and looks into it with the planchette like it's a magnifying glass.
MARIE: AAAHHH! Lee, let go!
Lee moves Marie's head away from her own. May moves to the left out of frame.
LEE: I'm just checking if you got something blocking your ears, because you didn't answer my question!
Still holding her by the ear, Lee slams Marie's face into the table. Marie promptly raises her head again.
MARIE: Well, bitch, you didn't answer my question either!
LEE: I'm not waiting 'till Halloween to find me a man who's gonna treat me right!
Marie turns to face left of the camera, presumably May.
MARIE: May! Back me up he-
Marie notices the camera and stares straight at the lens.
MARIE: May, why the hell did you set up the camcorder!?
Lee now also notices the camera and looks straight at it.
LEE: May, what did I say about recording me without my permission!?
Lee gets up from her seat and walks toward May.
MAY (O.S.): But you're always saying we need more home videos!
Lee has walked off-screen to the left. Marie is watching her.
MAY (O.S.): Don't you? AAAHHH!
We hear a blender running. Marie looks visibly shocked. The blender stops, and we see May thrown across the screen from left to right, completely airborne. Marie watches her go by in horror; she looks back at Lee as she moves in front of the camera to inspect it.
LEE: Hm… You know what? This might be a good idea! Maybe we can use this to show our boyfriends how to behave!
May walks back into frame from the right.
MAY: You see? I told you I have good ideas-!
Lee grabs May by the neck.
LEE: But don't you see anything wrong with this, dear sister?
May shakes her head.
LEE: May, don't you know anything about good camera angles!?
Lee throws May onto the table violently. Marie seems much less fazed by this.
LEE: Aw, hell, I'll do it myself. Take your seat, May.
Lee goes off-screen to the right; we hear a grunt of effort, and then she and the refrigerator are now at the far edge of the frame. As she does this, the other two talk.
MAY: So why are we playing with the Ow-idge-uh Board again?
Lee moves off-screen to the left; the opening of a drawer and the rummaging of items is heard.
MARIE: It's pronounced Wee-jee, you dumb bitch. And we're doing it because Lee could open her legs in the middle of the interstate and she still couldn't get a guy to put her dick in her!
Lee walks back onto screen holding duct tape, walking up behind Marie and stretching tape around her mouth. We hear Marie's muffled screams of protest.
LEE: You shut the fuck up, Marie!
Lee tears the tape and walks back to the camera. She speaks as she picks up the camera, carries it to the refrigerator, and starts taping the camera to the refrigerator at a slightly downward angle:
LEE: Just because you'd let just any guy stick his cock inside you doesn't mean I would, you little skank! I can get any guy I want! But I only accept the best!
Marie is mostly obscured by Lee's head in front of the lens, but we can hear the ripping of duct tape.
MARIE: Right, that's why you chose Eddy!
LEE: And you chose a guy who's afraid to take his hat off!
MARIE: At least my man passed science class!
LEE: Get back to me when he passes gym!
MAY: You're both just jealous because my boyfriend's the biggest and the strongest!
Lee and Marie glance at one another looking bored; a moment passes before they burst out into laughter. May looks visibly embarrassed. Lee walks away from the camera as the laughter subsides.
LEE (O.S.): Aw, May, we'll let you believe that if it makes you feel better about yourself!
Lee reappears, taking a seat at the table. Note the table only has three chairs. With the new camera angle, we can see a wider view of the kitchen, and we can read the Ouija board much more clearly. Note that we can also see a dark doorway behind May.
LEE: But you know what, girls? I think all of our boyfriends have some things they can work on. So in the meantime, we're gonna get ourselves a side-piece from the 1800s, back when men were gentlemen and ladies were pampered!
May looks offended by this, crossing her arms and turning her nose at the Ouija board.
MAY: Hmph! I'm not cheating on my beloved Ed with a smelly old dead guy!
Lee grabs May's arms and head and forcibly uncrosses her arms and turns her head back to the table.
LEE: Well if you tell Eddy I did, then I'll tell Ed you did, and we'll see who they believe!
MARIE: Chill out, May, this Ouija stuff's all fake anyways.
Marie glances at the camera.
MARIE: What'cha do to the camcorder?
LEE: Ain't no way I'm gonna read every letter out loud! If our new boyfriend wants to talk, he's gonna talk for himself!
MAY: Don't we have to turn the lights off for this?
LEE: (leaning in to scream at May) How're we gonna read the board if there's no light!? How's the camera gonna see what our new side-piece says if there's no light!? Did you think about that!?
MAY: ...No…
LEE: Jesus, May, how'd you ever get to be so dumb?
MARIE: I'd bet May secretly gets more than all of us and now she's got brain damage from some guy giving her syphilis!
May looks offended, Lee just looks confused.
MAY: I do not!
MARIE: But don't worry, May, we're both jealous that you're getting more guys than both of us!
LEE: Marie, what the hell you talking about, 'getting brain damage from syphilis'?
MARIE: Syphilis causes brain damage! It's true, look it up! That's how Al Capone died!
LEE: Where in the hell did you learn that?
MARIE: There's benefits to having a genius for a boyfriend, Lee! Sorry you wouldn't know it!
LEE: Aw, I bet Double-D's got syphilis himself from all the teacher's dicks he has to suck and pussies he's gotta lick to get straight A's!
MARIE: Don't you question my boyfriend's smarts, you stupid hoe!
LEE: Then don't set me up for it, alright, sweetcheeks? Alright, girls, hands on the talker thingie.
Lee and Marie put their hands on the planchette, Marie rolling her eyes as she does so. May also puts her hands in a moment later, looking very hesitant.
MAY: I'm scared, guys.
LEE: Don't worry, May, if our new boyfriend is gonna possess any of us, it's gonna be Marie because she looks the most like a guy.
The planchette starts moving across the board, but none of the three seem to notice.
MARIE: Big words for someone who looks like a lesbo!
LEE: I ain't never seen a girl with her hair dyed blue who wasn't a dyke!
MARIE: How can you see anything with all that hair in your eyes!?
May seems to notice the planchette.
LEE: Why, I oughta-!
MAY: Guys, the thingie's moving!
Lee and Marie also notice the planchette. Marie seems startled, Lee seems intrigued. Marie throws her hands up.
MARIE: Gah! Lee, cut that shit out!
LEE: I'm not moving it! It's moving by itself! Don't you know how these things work!? Now put your hands back on it!
Marie crosses her arms and sneers her nose away from the table, not unlike May a few moments ago. Note the planchette has stopped moving.
MARIE: You can't make me!
LEE: Fine! Then May and I'll share this guy without you!
MAY: We're gonna share him?
LEE: Just like we did when we captured Kevin… Marie! Are you in or not!?
Marie turns back to the table and reluctantly places her hands on the planchette.
MARIE: Just because I wanna see what kind of stupid shit you come up with for your made-up boyfriend.
LEE: Alright, girls, let's go a-boy-huntin'! YO, SPIRIT WORLD! KNOCK KNOCK, ANYBODY HOME!?
The planchette starts moving again, going slowly in a circular motion.
MAY: The thingie's moving again!
LEE: No shit, it's supposed to!
MAY: Wait, what's the thingie called again?
LEE: It ain't got a name!
MARIE: It's called a planch-it, you bimbos!
Lee picks up the planchette and smacks Marie across the face with it.
LEE: Nobody asked you, Marie!
MAY: I did.
Lee backhands May across the face with the planchette. Note that as she does this, a small orb can be seen floating across the bottom-right corner of the screen, though this may simply be dust or an insect.
LEE: Well, you shouldn't have! Hands back on the thingie, girls.
They oblige.
LEE: HEY, SPIRIT WORLD! YOU GOT ANY ELIGIBLE BACHELORS UP THERE!?
The planchette begins moving again; after a few seconds, it arrives on "HELLO." May gasps.
MARIE: Big surprise.
LEE: I swear to God, Marie! This thingie's got three points and you only got two eyes! If I were you, I wouldn't be liking your chances!
MARIE: Would my chances be better if I had three eyes like you!?
Lee jumps over the table at Marie, but Marie crouches in her chair and Lee starts to fly right over her. As she does, Marie grabs her by the feet and slams her over her head and onto the table. Marie then jumps onto the table herself, grabs the planchette, and jabs it in a spot on Lee's forehead which would logically be between her eyes; Lee nevertheless reacts as one would when poked in the eye, grabbing the area with her hands.
LEE: OW!
MARIE: Hey, I did you a favor! Your little ghost side-piece isn't gonna want to go out with a three-eyed freak!
MAY: Girls, don't fight! You might scare away our new boyfriend!
LEE: Your sister makes a good point!
Lee pushes Marie backward off the table with her legs.
LEE: Boys are intimidated by girls who can kick their asses. We don't wanna be too threatening. Back in your seat, Marie!
Lee and Marie get back in their chairs and they all put their hands back on the planchette.
LEE: So we got a guy on the line, right?
The planchette floats over to "YES".
LEE: Alright, honey, what's your name?
The planchette slowly makes its way to the letter "W".
LEE: Wait, that's not right.
MAY: What's not right?
The planchette goes to "I".
LEE: His name was supposed to be Fabrizio!
MAY: Is this real!?
It goes to "L".
MARIE: Lee probably realized that she can't spell 'Fabrizio' so she went with something easier!
LEE: You won't be able to spell nothing when I'm done bashing your brains in!
The planchette goes in a small circle and arrives back at "L".
LEE: Seriously, girls, I'm not doing that!
May whimpers.
MARIE: HA! So you admit you were controlling it earlier!
LEE: Of course I was! I wanted to fuck with you! But now I wanna see where this goes. So, your name's Will, huh?
It goes to "YES".
LEE: Alright, Willy, so here's the deal. We got ourselves some boyfriends, but they don't know how to be boyfriends. They run away whenever we try to kiss them. So that's where you get to slide in! It's your lucky day! Okay, girls, what should we ask him first?
MAY: Uh… should we ask him what kind of guy he is?
MARIE: Yeah, knowing the kind of guys Lee attracts, he's probably into dudes!
MAY: That's not what I meant!
LEE: Marie, stop interrupting, I'm running out of ways to hit you! Alright, Willy, we gotta visualize ya. Species, let's go.
The planchette moves and lands on "F".
MARIE: Aw, Lee's still controlling it!
LEE: The hell are you talking about!?
MARIE: We both know you got a thing for foxes, so the next two letters are gonna be O-X!
The next letter is "O".
MARIE: Ha! Called it!
LEE: How'd you know that was gonna be next!?
MARIE: Name another species that starts with an F! I'll wait!
LEE: ...FLOUNDER!
MARIE: FISH CAN'T TALK, BITCH!
The planchette arrives at "X" and then stays there.
LEE: I think you're controlling it!
MARIE: No I'm-!
Marie throws her hands up.
MARIE: Fine, let's test it! Lee, hands off! May! Ask it if I was controlling it.
Lee takes her hands off, leaving May alone on the planchette.
MAY: Uh… h-hi, Will, um… was Marie pushing the planch-it thingie?
The planchette moves to "NO".
LEE: Ooh, so there is a real fox on the other end of this! Hubba hubba! Back off, girls, he's mine!
MAY: Guys, I'm scared! I wasn't moving the thingie, either!
MARIE: Don't be scared, it's just Lee getting the answers she wants! She made you push it to "No" because she fucked with your head! Power of persuasion and all that.
Marie and Lee put their hands back on the planchette.
LEE: Hey, if it were up to me, I'd've found us a rich guy to leave us his secret fortune by now!
MARIE: You know what? Fine. So, hey, Foxy, how tall are ya? Lee needs to know because she's got a fetish for midgets!
LEE: Don't you talk about my Eddy that way!
Meanwhile, the planchette starts moving again, now toward the row of numerals.
MARIE: You're not even saying I'm wrong, you're just saying you don't want to hear it!
The planchette arrives at "4".
MARIE: ...Four what?
The planchette moves slightly to "5".
MARIE: ...That can't be right.
LEE: Yeah, I wouldn't even make up a ridiculous number like that.
MARIE: Wait! Maybe he means in inches!
The planchette rather quickly scoots down to "NO".
LEE: The fuck you mean, 'No'? The hell kind of numbers you giving us?
MARIE: Lee, you're just getting your cervix in a twist because you're the only girl in the world who's turned off by guys taller than you!
MAY: I know! He's trying to tell us the year he died in!
LEE: Hey Willy, you die in 1945?
It circles around back to "NO".
MARIE: 1845?
It circles around back to "NO".
LEE: Huh? Then when did you die?
It moves to the number "2".
MARIE: Two?
Then it moves to "0", then circles twice back to zero. The others look at one another, confused.
MARIE: That was, like, not that long ago.
LEE: Yeah, we were little girls when this guy was still kickin' around!
MAY: And we were babies before that!
MARIE: Wait, how old's this guy even?
LEE: Yeah, Willy, how old were ya when ya kicked the bucket?
The planchette moves back to "2", then goes in a small circle back to "2".
MAY: Twenty-two.
LEE: Hey, he ain't that old. Good, I didn't want a crotchety old man anyway!
MARIE: Well, so much for getting an old-timey gentleman, Lee!
LEE: Hey, don't give up on him yet! If he ain't a gentleman, we can tell him to fuck off. Plus he might still be rich! Hey Willy, are you rich?
The planchette moves to "F", then "A".
LEE: "F", "A" - It's a yes or no question, Willy! Are you loaded or not!?
The planchette goes to "T".
MARIE: Damn, Willy just called you fat!
Lee takes her hands off the planchette to animatedly protest this remark. Note the planchette is still moving with just May and Marie holding onto it.
LEE: Oh, no you did not just call me fat, Willy! You're lucky you don't have a body for me to pound, or I'd-!
MAY: It's still moving!
The planchette goes to "H", then "E". Lee is still keeping her hands away from the piece.
MARIE: "H", "E"...?
It arrives at "R".
MAY: "Her"?
LEE: Ha! He wasn't calling me fat, he was saying one of you two are! Fat her!
At this point, all of them have their hands off the planchette.
MARIE: That doesn't make any sense!
LEE: Sure it does! First he called someone fat, you stupid girls thought it was me, and then he corrected you and said 'no, her!'
MAY: Well I don't think it's very gentlemanly to be calling us fat!
MARIE: You're just sore because you know he was talking about you, May!
LEE: Maybe he meant he ran the company that made May's fat-chick clothes!
MAY: I am not fat!
The planchette seems to move suddenly and independently down to "NO". The others notice its sudden movement and are visibly shaken by the sight.
MARIE: Did… did it just move by itself? Lee, did you kick the table!?
LEE: No, I didn't. What's it say now?
MAY: "No." See? He wasn't trying to call me fat!
LEE: Then what else could he have possibly meant when he said "Fat Her," smart one!?
The three visibly ponder for a few moments.
MARIE: Uh… when we asked if he was rich… was he trying to say his… father was-?
The planchette again seems to move quickly and independently, this time to "YES". The three of them scream, May falling out of her seat. Lee stops screaming the first.
LEE: WAIT! Girls!
The other two stop screaming.
LEE: If he was twenty-two when he died five years ago, maybe his rich daddy's still alive.
MARIE: What, you wanna go be some old rich guy's sugar daddy?
LEE: No, I wanna see if we can get some money out of him from this! And maybe his dad's hot anyway! Alright, girls, hands back on the talker thingie so Willy doesn't have to do all the work!
They reluctantly obey.
LEE: So Willy, your dad's loaded. How'd he get rich?
The planchette moves to "L", "O", "T", and "S".
MAY: 'Lots'? Did he sell parking lots?
MARIE: No, I know! He got rich in a bunch of different ways!
It moves back to "YES".
LEE: You see, girls, this is why I'm into foxes! They're clever business moguls and one day my wittle Eddy is gonna make me his filthy rich trophy wife!
MARIE: Oh, dream on, sister.
LEE: But I'm curious, Willy, if you had to pick one thing, what made your dad the most rich?
The planchette goes to "C", "L", "O", "T", "H", "E" and finally "S". Lee bursts out laughing, and Marie follows soon after. May just looks confused.
MAY: What's so funny? Cloth-ies? I don't get it.
MARIE: He did get rich making clothes for fat chicks!
LEE: Aw, man, you just can't write this stuff!
MAY: He didn't say fat chicks!
Lee puts her hands back on the planchette, and the other two follow.
LEE: Hey Willy, did he make clothes for fat chicks?
It moves to "NO".
MARIE: Aw, alright, you win this one, May!
LEE: Yeah, sorry, May, looks like Willy won't be able to hook you up with some clothes that'll actually look decent on you for once!
MAY: You don't even know who he makes clothes for!
The planchette starts moving under their hands; the girls all look surprised. It spells "F-O-X-E-S".
MAY: There! "Fox-ies"! He doesn't have anything that could make you look good, either!
LEE: Eh, makes sense. Fox makes fox clothes. Maybe he can get my Eddy something besides that stupid shirt with the stripe!
MARIE: Okay, Willy, if we wanted to go shake down your dad for money, where can we find him?
It spells "E-N-G-L-A-N-D". The girls again look confused.
LEE: England?
MARIE: Aw, hell, there's no point in swindling him if we gotta spend five thousand dollars just to find him. And I was serious about selling him a copy of this tape or something.
LEE: Well, look on the bright side, girls! Maybe we gots us a gentleman after all! You know how they're all well-bred in England! So Willy, you're from England, huh?
It moves to "YES".
LEE: And would you consider yourself a gentleman?
It shifts to "NO".
LEE: ...No?
Then it shifts to "YES", then back to "NO". It quickly shifts back and forth several times (leaving the girls visibly confused) before finally coming to a rest between "YES" and "NO".
LEE: I think we got a broken ghost.
MAY: Maybe he's shy and he doesn't want to call himself a gentleman because that'd make him seem stuck-up!
MARIE: Or maybe he's saying "kind of".
The planchette quickly moves to "YES". The girls are again surprised by this.
MARIE: Hm. I guess I understand Willy in a way you two don't!
LEE: Aw, you might understand him, but that don't mean he's attracted to ya! So whaddaya mean "kind of," Willy?
The planchette spells "R-O-G-U-E". After it stops, the girls stare at it, as if expecting more letters.
LEE: And just what the fuck is a "rog-yoo"? Is that one of those fancy Britishy words we don't use in normal English?
MARIE: He said rogue, ya dumb bitch! It means like a rebel or something, like Han Solo or Adam Bell or someone like-!
The planchette quickly moves back to "YES".
MARIE: ...that. See? Toldja I understand him in a way you can't!
LEE: Well I'm sure he's very turned on that you know Star Wars and Sidney movies!
MARIE: Hey! He's from England! He probably doesn't even think of Adam Bell as a Sidney movie! You know what? Let's ask him.
LEE: No, Marie, we're not scaring off our new boyfriend with your boring-ass questions! How 'bout this, Willy: tell us how you were a rebel.
It spells "R-O-B-B-I-N-G".
MARIE: Robbing?
LEE: What, like mugging people on the street?
"YES".
LEE: Ooh, I like a bad boy! I'm gettin' hot flashes here just thinking about if Eddy quit dicking around with his stupid scams and just started stealing like a real man! Then he'd be a loveable rogue!
MARIE: Lee, you said fifty times you wanted a gentleman, not a thug! Make up your mind!
Again the girls are startled by the planchette moving under their hands. "C-H-A-R-I-T-Y".
MAY: What does that spell?
MARIE: Jesus Christ, May, you're useless. He said 'charity'!
LEE: So what, he robs people for charity?
"YES".
MARIE: ...Alright, well I guess that's kinda rogue… and kinda gentlemanly...
LEE: Guess I get to have my gentleman and my loveable rogue! And he's a handsome little fox!
MARIE: Yeah, yeah, control your ovaries! Alright, what else do we wanna ask him?
MAY: Wait, how do we even know he's that handsome?
LEE: Let's ask him! Are you a beefcake, Willy?
As Marie speaks, the planchette starts shifting between "YES" and "NO" again. Only May seems to notice at first.
MARIE: Why does it matter? He's invisible!
LEE: I'm trying to boost my boyfriend's self-esteem, Marie! I'm trying to do my part as a partner - maybe if you knew how to do that, you'd be able to find yourself a decent man!
They finally notice it shifting between "YES" and "NO".
MARIE: Is he trying to say "kind of" again?
It stops moving, then scoots over to "YES".
MARIE: So much for his self-esteem.
LEE: Not gonna lie, Willy, lacking confidence is kind of a turn-off.
MAY: But what if he has a big johnson?
LEE: Jesus, May, and you answer the phone with that mouth!?
MARIE: She would, but there aren't any boys calling her!
MAY: I don't hear the phone ringing with your boyfriends calling, either!
LEE: Sure they do! They always call while you're busy crying in the shower! But the girl poses a good question. So, you got a big willy, Big Willy?
Again the planchette shifts between "YES" and "NO" rapidly.
MARIE: What, again? Hold on.
Marie gets up and leaves the table, walking offscreen.
LEE: Marie, where ya goin'!?
We can hear a drawer opening and kitchenware shuffling.
MARIE: Hold your fucking horses, will ya!?
Marie returns to the table with a Sharpie, with which she writes "KIND OF" on a blank space on the left side of the board.
MARIE: There. "Kind of".
Marie puts her hand back on the planchette, which moves to "KIND OF".
MARIE: Just like a gentleman! So honest and truthful that it's honestly kind of annoying!
LEE: Fine! Then I'll have him all to myself!
MAY: But what about me?
MARIE: What about you, May?
LEE: It's alright, Willy, I appreciate a man who's honest and upfront with me! And I'm sure you're plenty handsome enough for me!
MARIE: Yeah, Willy, any time Lee sees a fox who could fit in her pocket she needs to hang her panties out to dry! Honestly, Lee, that's kinda creepy. I can just imagine you're gonna turn into one of those forty-year-old chicks who's still hitting on middle-school boys!
LEE: Hey, at least I'm not into a dorky wop wolf who's a literal beta-male!
Marie stands up in her chair and starts pointing as she screams at Lee.
MARIE: He might have the body of a beta but he's got the brain of an alpha, and one day you're gonna wake up and realize you're an idiot for dating guys who think they're smart just because they're con-men and they're not even that good at being con-men, you stupid hussy!
Lee, keeping her hands calmly on the planchette, just stares at Marie for a second before turning back to the board.
LEE: Hey Willy, were you good at being a con-man?
Without Marie holding it, the planchette moves back to "YES".
LEE: Now there's the self-esteem I'm looking for in a man! You can sit down now, Marie.
As Marie begrudgingly sits down, she says:
MARIE: Yeah, well if he's a con-man, how can you tell he's not just lying about being a good con-man?
LEE: Then he conned me, and that means he's a good con enough!
MARIE: That doesn't make any fucking sense-!
MAY: I have a question for him: how did he die?
MARIE: Ooh, that's a good one!
LEE: Tell us, Willy.
The planchette spells out "S-W-O-R-D".
MAY: What's a-?
MARIE: May, if you ask "what's a suh-word," I'm gonna smack you upside the head.
MAY: But… what is it?
Marie leans over and starts winding up her arm to smack May.
MARIE: He was spelling sword, you stupid-!
Marie tries to smack May, but May grabs her arm, leaving Marie momentarily shocked before May swings Marie around by the arm, sending her flying offscreen to the right and (presumably, judging by the sound as well as the shaking of the camera) into the refrigerator.
MAY: It's not my fault Will can't spell words right!
LEE: But it is your fault that you can't read words right! Get back to the table, Marie, I wanna drill Willy about this sword thing! What, was he some kind of nerd who collected old weapons or something?
Marie gets back into her seat and puts her hands back on.
MARIE: Yeah, what's all that about? Like now I'm imagining someone dressed like Samurai Jack stabbing himself in the gut or something.
MAY: Did he rob people with the sword?
They see the planchette move to "YES".
MARIE: Ooh, May got something right for once!
MAY: So he killed himself with his sword!
MARIE: I mean, I guess that makes sense. In ghost stories it's always the people who killed themselves.
LEE: So Willy, didja off yourself?
The planchette moves to "NO".
MAY: Sorry, May, I guess you being right about two things in a row is just too much to ask for!
LEE: So, what, did he trip and fall on it or something?
MARIE: Or maybe somebody stole his sword and killed him with it! Murder victims make good ghosts, too!
LEE: You heard the nice lady, Willy! Were you murdered?
The planchette starts to move and at first it seems to move in a circle back to "NO", after approaching it very slowly but not fully landing on it. The girls look disappointed.
MAY: There! Now who's dumb, Lee!?
Unbeknownst to the girls, it starts drifting away from "NO".
LEE: Shut up or I'll rip your-
MARIE: Hey, it's still moving!
They look on as it slowly makes its way to the scrawled "KIND OF".
LEE: He was kind of murdered?
MARIE: Ooh, this one's getting juicy! I don't know which one of you two is controlling this thing, but I like where this story's going!
LEE: It's probably May. And her self-esteem's so low she won't even let herself be right about the things she guesses!
MAY: Guys, I swear, it moved by itself!
MARIE: Yeah, yeah. So it was a kind-of murder, huh? What, was it like involuntary manslaughter or something?
LEE: Or maybe it was a booby trap, like somebody put cyanide on the handle or something! I dunno, May, what kind of crazy horseshit are ya gonna come up with next?
As the planchette starts moving:
MAY: But I'm not controlling it!
The planchette starts spelling out "A-C-C" before Marie speaks.
MARIE: "A-C-C-", are ya trying to spell accident, Willy?
The planchette stops moving for a moment before diverting its course and going to "YES".
LEE: It's not very ladylike to cut a man off, Marie! You know how insecure boys get about that!
MARIE: Well I just wanted him to save time and spit it out!
LEE: ...Hm…
MARIE: What?
Lee takes her hands off the planchette and shakes them out.
LEE: You know what? All this keeping my hands on the planch-it thingie's making my arms fall asleep. But you give me an idea, Marie! So May, you want us to believe that you aren't rigging the game?
MAY: What game?
MARIE: The Ouija board, dumbass!
MAY: I'm not controlling it!
LEE: Then let's put that to the test! Be right back, girls!
Lee hurries out of the kitchen through the visible doorway. Alone, May and Marie relax their arms as well.
MAY: Yeah, I'm all pins-and-needles-y in my arms, too!
MARIE: Well, sucks to suck, I guess.
MAY: Hmph… one day you're gonna get sick of Lee bossing you around and you're gonna wish you sided with me against her!
Marie looks away from May, who continues glaring at her. Six seconds of silence pass before we can hear footsteps coming closer. Shortly, Lee returns with a small button-eyed doll of an orange and tan fox wearing a yellow shirt with a button and a red stripe down the side as well as blue pants and black shoes; the doll also appears to have a pull-cord in its back. Lee comes to the table between May and Marie and sits the doll down next to the Ouija board. Note that Marie looks visibly displeased by the sight of the doll.
LEE: Alright, Willy, if you wanna talk, you can talk through this doll right here! Even has a voice-box for ya!
Lee pulls the string on the doll. The doll laughs with a raspy but youthful voice, and seems to have an American accent.
LEE: If you're telling the truth, May, he should have no problem talking through this thing!
MAY: Well, how do you know he can do that sorta thing?
LEE: How do you know he doesn't? Unless you're making this all up! So what's it gonna be, Willy? You wanna tell us about this little accident with the sword?
Lee pulls the cord again.
DOLL: (same voice as before) Money!
LEE: Don't sound too British to me!
MARIE: If you wanted to have him talk through a doll, you shoulda used Double-D Junior instead of Eddy Junior! Willy'd probably be able to tell that my man's a lot closer to an English gentleman than stupid Eddy!
LEE: Aw, what do you know about English gentlemen?
MARIE: I know they don't have a problem with calling a bitch like you a cunt!
Lee lunges at Marie.
LEE: Come here and say it to my face!
Marie jumps out of her chair and runs offscreen to the right.
MARIE: You're gonna have to catch me first!
Lee runs off the screen in the opposite direction. We hear a drawer opening, then see a tray of plastic utensils flung across the screen from left to right. All throughout this, May is simply watching the action.
MARIE: OW!
A toaster is thrown across the screen from left to right.
LEE: AARGH!
Lee runs from left to right across the screen, holding a frying pan. As she runs past, nobody seems to notice a cabinet next to the doorway behind her and May appear to open on its own accord. Lee re-emerges from the right side of the screen holding Marie up by her tail, as Marie squirms in protest; Lee throws Marie up in the air and swings the frying pan like a baseball bat as Marie comes down to send Marie flying across the room. Lee runs back to the left edge of the screen toward where Marie landed. Note that as May is watching her sisters, the planchette moves slightly without anybody seen touching it; it does not seem to move to any specific spot on the board. Lee and Marie reappear from the left edge, Lee flailing as Marie has her feet in Lee's back and a dish towel pulled over her snout; Lee trips and falls below the table, and Marie falls with her. At roughly the same time that they fall to the ground, the camera moves with a low grinding sound, suggesting that the refrigerator it is attached to has moved; however, distracted by her sisters fighting, May still does not seem to notice this strange activity. Lee and Marie get up and are still brawling as they disappear off the left edge edge of the screen. At this point, the fox doll seems to shift slightly, rotating in place, which does seem to catch May's peripheral attention, but she does not catch it actually moving. Lee reappears from the left, seeming to punch Marie into a microwave as a way of stuffing her into it; she slams the door shut and dropkicks it across the room and offscreen to the right. Lee looks as though she is about to charge the spot Marie would be before she is interrupted by a pan flying past her, coming from behind her, offscreen to the left. May also sees this. The pan lands on the floor in front of her.
LEE: Wait, who threw that?
Marie reappears on the right, dragging an oven and seeming to try to lift the thing, seething with rage. She starts to lift it, screaming with exertion, and gets it above her head before Lee interrupts her.
LEE: Hold on, Marie! You see this pan?
Marie stops and looks at the ground where the pan presumably is. She drops the oven behind her head, slamming to the ground.
MARIE: What about it?
LEE: I didn't throw it, May was sitting right here, and you were all the way over there.
MAY: It's true, I saw it!
MARIE: Then where'd it come from?
LEE: That's what I'm say-!
A glass falls out of the open cabinet behind May and shatters on the ground; they all see it.
MARIE: Wait, did that glass just-?
Another glass falls out of the cabinet.
MAY: It's an earthquake!
LEE: Must be us shaking the trailer-
About half a dozen other pieces of glassware fall out of the cabinet and shatter on the ground.
MARIE: ...Um-
The cabinet door violently slams shut, and the neighboring cabinet opens. The girls jump as the table shifts a few inches, loudly scratching the floor. The lights flicker*, causing the girls to scream and flinch.
*(When reinterviewing our contact at TAPS about a specific point in the video [see below], they mentioned the part where the lights flicker as being the part that several crew members found particularly unsettling. According to our contact, when the team was watching the video, one member swore they could see what appeared to be the figure of a very tall fox wearing modern clothing appearing in the girls' kitchen doorway as the lights flickered, especially toward the end of the flickering episode when the lights take on almost a strobe-light effect for about one second. Upon rewatching the footage, several other members of the team said they could also see the apparition, though others still could not; those who could described it as appearing in grayscale and being extremely faint and translucent, some arguing that it would be better described as a silhouette than a fully-formed figure. Upon seeing this, the team attempted to slow down the footage frame-by-frame, but oddly, there were no anomalies visible in any particular still-shot; the apparition was only visible when played at normal speed. Several team members, both those who could and could not see the figure and both those who did and did not believe in the authenticity of the tape, posited that perhaps it was a bizarre trick of the light caused by the technical difficulties of filming darkness, with the shifting of different shades of dark-gray spots in the negative space of the doorway causing a sort of composite illusion when the frames were played at full speed, sort of like a flipbook or animation effect, best viewed when not looking directly at the doorway but rather with one's peripheral vision, with some likening it to a subliminal message - our contact said they personally could only see the figure when they treated the full-speed footage as a sort of "Magic Eye" teaser. Nevertheless, those who could see this anomaly conceded that it was just as likely that this was a glitch in the videotape as it was likely that this was a case of a spirit manipulating technology. Our editors viewed the relevant scene with this information in mind, and were similarly split on our abilities to see the purported apparition, with our narrator requesting we take note here that he is unable to do Magic Eye puzzles.)
Finally, the chair Lee was previously occupying quickly falls backwards, almost "flying" into its fall. The girls look around the room as if waiting for something more to happen.
MARIE: Is… is that it? Is it over?
Lee picks up a frying pan from the ground and again holds it like a weapon.
LEE: Alright, come out with your hands up, whatever you are!
May looks at the fox doll.
MAY: Willy… was… was that you?
May reaches to pull the doll's cord.
LEE: May, what the heck are you-?
DOLL: (speaks)*
*(Our editors reached out to our contact at TAPS once again to ask them about this scene specifically; after digitalizing the videocassette, we emailed that person the footage again to refresh their memory. Our contact does recall the team's discussion of what the doll said and did ask some team members who were nearby at the time they replied to our correspondence to watch the footage themselves and add their own input. This person says that all members of the team agreed that the voice sounded nothing like the voice heard earlier. The voice was noticeably distorted, whereas earlier it was impeccably clear, as though the doll's voice box had become damaged since earlier; the voice was also noticeably deeper, with members observing that it seemed more "adult" and "mature". Many members of the group also said that the voice did seem to have a British or specifically English accent, although several did acknowledge that this may have been confirmation bias influenced by information previously claimed about the entity during the Ouija board session. Similarly, when trying to decipher what the doll was saying, while a few believed that the voice was simply unintelligible grumbling, the majority remainder of the team universally agreed that it sounded like the doll was saying "ROBBING", which the Ouija board had spelled earlier, and that this may be a delayed answer to the girls' interrogation about the entity's fatal "accident", although these members also acknowledged that this could again be another case of confirmation bias. We replied to our contact again to ask whether upon rewatching the video it sounded like it may have said something else that sounds similar, like perhaps a name; they said that the thought had not crossed their mind, but upon rewatching the footage for the first time in nearly fifteen years, they could understand how our editors heard something else, agreeing that the two words sound very alike.)
The girls scream and hastily make their way out of the room.
MARIE: I'm getting out of here!
LEE: Don't ever call us again, Willy!
They are now out of the kitchen.
MAY (O.S.): But we called him first!
LEE (O.S.): Shut the fuck up, May!
Rushed footsteps are heard growing more and more distant until a door is heard being opened and then slammed shut. The camera captures a still scene in the kitchen. One minute and twenty-one seconds later, the planchette again moves by itself, landing on "GOODBYE". Four seconds later, an orb can be seen rising from the vicinity of the fox doll and rising to the ceiling; this orb is much larger than the one seen earlier in the video, though it is still fairly small and may again simply be an insect or dust particle. Seventeen minutes and two seconds later, the fox doll falls over onto its side from its sitting position. There is no apparent movement on screen again until the tape runs out forty-seven minutes and twenty-nine seconds later.
VIDEO ENDS
