Sorry I'm a bit late this time around! I haven't had the time to write that I did before and it's slowed me down. Thank you so much to everyone reading and to those who have reviewed. It's a nice little burst of dopamine when you get one of those emails. In absolute honesty my writing style feels off for this chapter and I may come back to clean it up at some point, but since it's finished and I won't have any time tomorrow to write I figured I would just upload. Either way I'm sorry if it isn't flowing as well as the others have.
Thank you!
Enrique
I'd waited for everyone to fall asleep that night before slipping out through the front door. It hadn't taken me long to learn how to get passed the alarm system and I was confident no one had heard me, which was one of the primary perks of living in a mansion. In fact, I found sneaking out to be significantly easier than hailing a taxi had been, which was something I had admittedly never done before but felt necessary as if I attempted to contact one of the chauffeurs so late in the night it was unlikely my parents wouldn't learn about it. Either way, I had survived the ride in the musky smelling vehicle my parents had told me in childhood to never step into for any reason and had managed to get to the train station without so much as my phone going off, meaning I was still in the clear.
Nabbing a ticket back to Switzerland, I took a seat with others waiting to board, all of us likely waiting for a different ride to a different destination. We didn't know one another and I was sure none of them would take much recognition of me, everyone invested within their own life with no idea what was currently happening in mine. I had to go back… I couldn't be around my family anymore right now, even if that meant I also couldn't be around Bianca. Hopefully there's at least a small part of her that understands she's done nothing wrong, I wasn't leaving because of her or because of the baby, I was leaving because something inside of me just felt as though I had to, whether I understood it or not. Everyone here wanted me to be someone I wasn't, pressure gripping me to the point of feeling like a lump of coal just never destined to be a diamond.
The unfortunate part of taking nothing with me was the fact that I had nothing to rest my head on as I attempted a few hours sleep before the humans took over the jobs the machines did during the night. I would have to be up extremely early, but as of now I wasn't planning on getting much sleep anyway as I lay myself down on the uncomfortable chairs and took a moment to close my eyes, hoping that tonight would be one of the nights where my brain would give me a break, allowing me to dream of absolutely nothing.
Xxx
By the time I boarded the train, I had still not gotten a single call or text message from anyone asking where I had gone, likely being still too early in the morning for them to notice. The sun had hardly even begun rising and the bags under my eyes and headache ringing in my ears desperately wished it would set again. I couldn't even get a glass of wine to take the edge off, apparently riding the only train in all of Italy to actually ask for an ID before serving and not appreciating the excuse that I would be eighteen in roughly five more months on that we would be in a country where it was legal in a few hours. Instead I decided to stretch my legs, grabbing a small plastic bag of sanitary supplies I had grabbed from the shop before boarding and hoping I would feel better after brushing my teeth and washing my hair in the sink.
On top of everything else happening, it also wasn't a particularly spacious bathroom, even with the information I had beforehand such as knowing there wouldn't be a shower. I'd been on much nicer ones, but seeing as my plan had been to get back to my dorm as soon as possible, I didn't exactly have the option of being picky, doing what I could to get myself smelling like less of a hobo before making my way back to my seat but not before stopping at the food car and ordering a cappuccino and something to eat, settling simply for a slice of toast with way too much Nutella. Sugar truly was a godsend.
Getting back to my own spot with a semi full stomach and a warm cup in my hands, I sat down with a sigh, hardly taking notice to the whispers and giggles that came from merely feet away. The spot next to me was occupied by a trio of girls, all sharing a bottle of red wine and in much higher spirits than I was. In most cases I would have taken it as a challenge, seeing which one I could get a bathroom make out session from first and hoping I could at least make it to second base, but at this moment I didn't really care that they even existed, causing the red headed one to begin the conversation instead of myself.
"You're one of the Tornatore kids, aren't you?" She asked.
"I suppose I am..."
For now. I thought. I was likely on my way toward being fully disowned.
"I told you!" She giggled to the blonde, shoving her playfully on the shoulder. "We were surprised to see you on such a common train, figured your family had their own private jet. You're Enrique, right? My apologies if you're Emanuele, but your overall style is throwing me in the other direction."
Simply nodding in response, I was hardly able to get a look at her before she grabbed the blonde by the wrist and pulled her within my line of vision.
"My friend Rosa," She continued. "Absolutely adores you. She was too shy to say hello so I figured I would do the honors for her."
Rosa blushed deeply, bangs falling in front of her eyes as she swept a lock of shoulder length curly hair behind her ear. She was petite, with a slender build and flat chest which she was clearly trying to enhance with her wardrobe, a short dress which would leave little to the imagination if she were to bend over.
"Sorry." She gave a shy giggle, "My friends are just picking on me and being inappropriate. I mean, you have a girlfriend and a child on the way according to the media, correct?"
"She's not sorry." The brunette who had remained seated chimed in, giggling with her friend. "I believe you're exact words were that you were jealous it wasn't you."
"Shut up!" her blush darkened significantly, the red head practically shoving her in the seat next to me as her and her friend continued to giggle. "Listen, I just wanted to know if maybe… you wanted to have a drink with us?"
Although my interest had been peaked, I was almost disappointed in myself for not being more interested. There were three girls flirting with me and one just told me her friend was jealous that Bianca got to have sex with me. This was literally a dream come true.
"I guess?" Was all I said in response, the other two grabbing the wine and finding a seat in my row, one making sure Rosa was as close to me as she could possibly get without us touching.
"So, tell us where you're going?"
"Switzerland."
"We're a few steps ahead of that, yes. We mean what are you taking the first train of the day there for? We're going skiing."
"I'm heading back to school, I'm a boarding student."
"Oh yeah, I think I read that about you once. All of your family are, aren't they?"
"Most of us, my parents don't start having us board until we're fourteen, I have one sister who's too young."
"It must be quite a party scene I'm guessing."
I took the glass of wine they offered, downing it faster than I intended to, not that any of them seemed to mind.
"It can be, yeah."
Overall it wasn't an interesting conversation, remaining only on the subject of my own life until I eventually felt a small buzz going. I hadn't even noticed that two of the three girls left, now watching me through curious eyes as they whispered to one another and giggled, leaving the blonde at my side.
"I'm surprised you aren't flying." She mentioned, blushing slightly as she crossed one leg over the other. She had made a point to make the bottom of her panties less than invisible, her actual intentions becoming clear as her buzz grew stronger. In most cases I'd have jumped her at this point, although I now struggled to keep my mind on anything but what I was leaving behind and what it would mean for my future.
"I'm not trying to draw attention to myself right now. Not from my family at least."
"So… you're sneaking out or something?"
"I guess you could say that."
Rosa sighed, seeming to take notice in my clear lack of interest regarding her advances. She seemed to still be trying to wrap her head around whether or not I understood what it was that she wanted from me, currently using me the same way I used the girls at my school. I had money and I came from a family whose name was well known. Currently I was no more to her than a trophy she was eager to obtain, and I wasn't currently sure what it was that I wanted from her.
"What happens at the parties you have at school? I can imagine they must get crazy… groups of hormonal teens hanging around each other without much adult supervision. The girls must not be able to keep their hands off of you."
She touched a hand to my thigh, the very tips of her fingers grazing themselves to my crotch which woke up suddenly in a state of arousal. Taking notice immediately, she smiled.
"Sometimes you end up with a gold digger or two..." My breath was becoming shaky as I tried to get across the point that I knew what she wanted. Her tactics were ones I had used myself many times, usually with naive first years who didn't want to be the only fledglings left who hadn't at least experienced oral sex, usually giving side glances to the upperclassmen girls who were the real keepers of the attention that they wanted. It was a right of passage to show you could fit in and had the experience others mistook as maturity.
It was clear that she was becoming more annoyed with me as I ignored her antics, letting out a lengthy sigh paired with a roll of the eyes.
"To be honest, I thought you would be more fun."
"I have a lot on my mind right now."
"So much that you have yet to catch on that I'm trying to have casual celebrity bathroom sex?"
"No, I've definitely caught on."
Realistically speaking, I wouldn't quite use the word celebrity to describe myself. It was true that I had fame and money, but I also more or less had the ability to live my life without being interrupted by too many people who wanted pictures, even if it happened from time to time.
"You're just shooting me down, then?"
"Listen, I appreciate the effort but I don't actually know you. I have a girl back home and a kid on the way."
"I'm just saying… word in the media has always been that you're a bit of a player."
She had taken her hands off of me as my expression continued dropping, an obvious sadness that I didn't currently want to bother with hiding. Any other day I would have pulled her somewhere private within the first minute without taking any time to think until she was already naked from the waist down and propped up on a bathroom counter. I'd never done anything quite like it before, but curiosity would have blocked any section of my brain suggesting it wasn't a good idea.
"Honestly, it would be best if you avoided me. I'm nothing but trouble."
"Did you ever consider that's what I wanted?"
Bringing down the sexual manner in which she spoke and going back into the state of ordinary young lady she'd been at when we first met, she took the glass of wine she still held up to her lips, sipping it gently while offering me the bottle.
"I don't want the world to just view me as some cheating asshole my entire life."
"Why change who you already are?"
"Because it isn't the real me." I mumbled in between drinking. "I mean… at least I don't think it is."
"Listen, Enrique..." Her tone really had changed, going from shy to flirty to horny to irritated and suddenly becoming what I believed was likely her normal manner of speech. "We all have more than one side to us. Look at my friends and me, none of us are the type who would normally have an opportunity to meet some famous rich kid on a train to a ski resort, let alone offer ourselves to him with no strings attached just so we can have a good story to tell, but sometimes shit happens and your brain looks for any excuse to change every aspect of your personality in order to get you what you want." Without looking at me, she smirked. "Maybe we aren't all meant to only be one kind of person."
Her words made sense in a way. When I had been with Bianca everything had gradually become so simple. I did want what was best for her and our son, but the longer I spent at home the worse I had begun to feel. It wasn't her fault or the babies fault, but the pressure of having to be this mature adult who had everything figured out continued to catch up to me time and time again. Nothing I did when I was home was ever good enough… I would never be like my brothers or sisters because I just didn't fit in with my family… if that was the case, how was I ever supposed to know the first thing about raising my own?
"I didn't want the baby when Bianca told me she was pregnant… I get the whole not my body not my choice thing, but I felt like I didn't get a single say in my own future on top of already getting no say in my current life."
"What about now?"
"He's coming whether I like it or not. There's no point in not accepting that."
"I mean, the fact that you don't plan on being some deadbeat who walks out on them is kinda sexy."
"Are you still trying to get me to have bathroom sex with you?"
"Is it working?"
I smiled, appreciating the real her that she was comfortable letting out when her original character of sexy nympho didn't work. Rosa really was beautiful the more I looked at her, even if it may have been the alcohol talking.
"Do you think I'm required to be with someone when we're having a kid together?"
"If you knock me up all I'm demanding is a paycheck."
We both giggled, even if her words didn't bring me much in the way of comfort. It was a distraction, though… one I needed now especially as my phone pinged twice in my pocket.
Where are you?!
If I find out you're out partying again, Enrique, so help me…
My mothers anger was clear even when I wasn't listening to her actual voice, two more texts pulling themselves up on the screen before I decided it would be best to just turn my phone off, ending all visibility in her string of anger left on the sentence:
I knew you would do this…
"You won't try and get me to go bareback, right?" I huffed in a playful tone.
"I've never said this to a guy before, but to be completely honest I would let you do whatever the fuck you wanted to me so long as I'm allowed to use it as a bragging right."
Eyeing her body one more time, I brought a hand to her cheek in a gentle fashion, pulling her lips into my open mouth with no shame.
I needed this…
xxx
Saying farewell to Rosa and her friends as we unboarded and parted ways, I was able hail a taxi to come and pick me up a bit easier than I had before, the remainder of my ride back to the dorm coming with very little difficulty. Although it was hardly even noon by the time I arrived, exhaustion had hit me like a brick wall as I collapsed onto my bed, convinced I was out cold before my head even touched the pillow. Even though I knew I had only lost maybe a day of sleep while at the train station, it felt like closer to a weeks worth. Even when Peter woke me up I was hardly able to even recall what day it was.
"How long have you been here?" He asked in what actually seemed to be concern. "All of our phones have been ringing off the hook looking for you."
"Just have one of my brothers call my mom back..." I mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and turning my phone back on. I hadn't spoken to anyone via technology in several hours now, meaning I would be met with a long list of messages from my mother regarding how much of a failure I was and how everyone's lives probably would have been better if I were aborted.
She never said it to my face… I knew she thought it, though…
Immediately the screen lit up with hundreds of messages and missed calls. One hundred and sixteen to be total.
"Your brothers were two of the people trying to figure out where you were, they're back in Italy with Oliver and the rest of your friends."
"Why are they all in Italy…?" I raised an eyebrow at him, hitting one of the voice messages and bringing the phone to my ear.
"Enrique?" Emanuele spoke, appearing either agitated or worried. "Seriously, answer your phone now. Everyone is freaking out… Mom took Bianca to the hospital but-"
Looking at the screen in confusion, I went instead to the very first message. What had I missed? Was something wrong with Bianca or did she have an appointment that I forgot about? I knew my family was pissed at me but I couldn't imagine they would send for my friends help in finding me as well.
"Where are you!?" It was Oliver who had called me first apparently… He didn't even say anything else, his words eventually drowned out by the chaotic sounds that came from the background. My heart was pounding now, even if I didn't know what exactly had happened.
"Enrique, please answer the phone..." Bianca had called next, her voice shaking and holding back tears. The fear she held was clear from the way she spoke. "I… I think my water broke… please call me… you're mom is taking me to the hospital. Enrique, I'm really scared..."
Pulling my phone from my ear, I stared at the screen in shock as my stomach dropped. There was no way that was what happened, she wasn't even eight months pregnant yet I didn't think. Wasn't she not due until the end of December?
Now wide awake, I threw myself off of my bed while grabbing my coat from the computer chair, knocking both it and myself over in the process.
"Shit!" I yelled. "Shit! Shit!"
Throwing my shoes on without bothering to untie them or check if I was even putting them on the right feet, I quickly called one of our chauffeurs, demanding to know if anyone had sent a jet out for me. Of course they didn't… no one even knew this was where I was going… It would be at least two hours before I could get to her hospital. Was there a helicopter anywhere around here that could take me? Why didn't I go with Oliver when he asked if I wanted to get a pilots license with him last year? Could Oliver bring me a helicopter?
Tears had begun forming in my eyes as I ran out the door, an absolute panic washing over my entire body as I felt myself unable to catch my breath. I was having an anxiety attack on top of everything else that was currently happening, trying to run and go through my phone all at the same time. If I hadn't turned it off I wouldn't have missed all of the messages, I wouldn't have been able to turn the train around sure, but I could have had a jet be ready for me once we stopped, I could have been back already.
Babe, I'm really scared…
We're at the hospital but no one seems to know what's happening to me.
I'm in labor, please call me… please…
They say I need a c-section. Please don't make me do this alone…
Enrique?
That was only a small number of the wall of messages she sent me and those were just the ones from Bianca. My mother had been texting me as well and even my brothers and friends seemed determined to figure out where I was and why I wasn't answering. Although it seemed to mostly be Oliver who was genuinely concerned, Johnny mostly called me names.
It wasn't until the end of the messages that I stopped running, the true extent of how badly I fucked up hitting me harder in the face than Rosetta the time I called her average looking.
The message was from my mother…
You have a son… he's beautiful.
I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in you…
I had missed everything…
xxx
I knocked gently on the open door of the private room as a courtesy before walking in, hands shoved awkwardly in my pockets and head down low. I had no idea what to say to anyone… I had no excuse.
"Hey..." I managed to mumble, fidgeting with my feet slightly. "How are you feeling?"
Bianca didn't look at me, instead keeping her gaze out the window and giving a wet sounding sniffle before wiping away a tear that had made its way down her face.
"Like I was sawed in half and then stitched back together." She was struggling to keep her composure, trying hard to pretend she wasn't crying. "You were supposed to be here…"
"I know..."
"You didn't even bother answering your phone."
"I just… I didn't think it would happen so early."
"Do you have any idea how terrified I was?"
"I got here as fast as I could; even if I had answered your call I don't think I would have made it on time."
"Enrique, will you just shut up? It's not about whether or not you would have made it on time. It's about the fact that you're never going to care about anyone but yourself. I have a son who needs me to take care of him, I'm not going to take care of you too. Do you have even the slightest idea how terrified I was? No one knew where you were, hell I didn't even know where to start looking for you! You could have been in a car crash and dead for all I knew! I was in labor and I was worrying about you! It's supposed to be the other way around!"
I couldn't even look at her…
"How is he…?" I asked, unsure if there was anything else that I could say.
"He's gonna be okay, the doctor said… I mean, he's early… but he's gonna be okay. He's a little over two kilograms and can breath on his own." Her tears took over as she spoke, but they weren't for her or for me, she was worried about the baby. "He's absolutely perfect."
Without saying anything else, I took a seat in the empty armchair, wondering if there was anything I could do in order to fix this while knowing there absolutely wasn't. I had fucked up worse than I ever had before. I knew I should apologize, but it didn't feel like enough.
We didn't speak, the only noise being from hospital machines or from Bianca's sniffling. She looked like she had been hit by a truck, eyes dark and puffy and skin pale and clammy. Her hair hadn't been cared for in at least a day and fell in different directions, thin and containing many split ends. It wasn't until a nurse came into the room that the awkward silence was broken.
"Do you feel up for trying to nurse?" She asked, wheeling in what looked like a lidless storage container. I didn't think much of it at first glance, not until B nodded and held her arms out. That was when I finally made out the tiny bundle that rested inside of it. "He's strong for his size, all his vitals are looking great. We're still going to be keeping him here for a few days to keep an eye on things, but I think he'll be able to go home before you know it."
Getting back out of the chair, I approached the hospital bed she lay in as the nurse took the baby out of the plastic bed and over to Bianca, setting it in her arms carefully. She didn't try and make me step back or stop me from seeing, and I didn't accidentally ask any stupid questions such as asking if it was him, which I already knew the answer to.
He was a lot smaller than I had expected, especially for everyone insisting that it hadn't been too early and that he was completely fine to come more than five weeks before his due date. His eyes remained closed in a state of rest, which he didn't wake from even after he was handed from one person to the other.
"He has a lot of hair." I said. It was the only thing I could think of.
"A little blue eyed blond." The nurse smiled. "Are you the father?"
"Uh, yeah..." I mumbled. I hardly heard a word she said, I couldn't stop staring at him. "Did you… did you name him?"
"His birth certificate is filled out if that's what you're asking, I didn't change the name we chose together, though…"
"I can't believe this is the same thing that was in your stomach."
"He isn't a thing, Enrique… he's our son."
"I really failed at all this, huh?" I said sadly, guilt eating away at me now that he was actually here.
"Yeah… you did."
Once again we went silent, watching him contently as he fed, an act which took an exceptionally long time. I couldn't tell if he had fallen asleep while eating or if he had never really woken up from his nap to begin with. He did seem like he was starting to finish his meal though, turning his head from her exposed breast and causing me to wonder what it would be like to suck on a nipple the same size as your entire mouth.
"Do you think he looks like me?" I asked.
"He's yours if that's what you're asking."
"No, I know… I just mean- people tell me sometimes that Emanuele and Gabby and I look like our mom and that Antonio, Lorenzo and Soph look like our dad."
"He was just born, he kinda looks like a potato right now."
"Can I hold him?"
The nurse gave me what seemed to be a pity smile, helping Bianca to hand him off as he finished eating. He fussed a bit as I took him, giving a whimper that turned into a very brief cry before calming down once again.
"Congratulations on your son." She said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I looked back at Bianca again, her head now laying back on a pillow and eyes closed. She really did look beyond exhausted, perking up with concern as the baby cooed once more, making an attempt to reposition himself while still swaddled in the blanket.
"I have to admit..." I said quietly, "This is probably the coolest thing I've ever made."
"You didn't make shit." B retaliated, "You made a one time donation."
His mouth opened into a wide yawn, a brief squeak escaping as he gave a slow blink which just barely revealed a large pair of blue eyes.
"Do you feel ready to sign the birth certificate?" The nurse asked me, her smile still appearing to be one of pity.
"We're naming him Luca." I said. "Luca Gian."
"Yeah, I already did that part." Bianca huffed with a roll of the eyes.
"Tornatore." I said in an attempt to be useful, even though I was pretty sure she had already done that part as well.
"Vignali."
"Tornatore-Vignali?"
"Just Vignali."
I stopped talking, looking toward her in confusion and raising an eyebrow. She wouldn't look at me, turned the other way like a child who knew they were about to be scolded. It didn't take long for the realization of what she was saying to dawn on me.
"You aren't using my last name…?" I asked, dreading that I already knew the answer.
"Why should I?"
"Because I'm the father? I mean, I am the father, right?" Was she trying to tell me something?
"I never slept with anyone else. He's yours."
"So why-"
"Would you even pretend to say the same thing if I asked?"
"Bianca, what are you talking about?"
"Did you ever think about the fact that I was sitting here planning day after day? That I was setting up a nursery when I could hardly even walk and making sure everything was properly prepared for the arrival of the child that you got me pregnant with?"
"Of course I was thinking about it." I mean, she texted me every single day, it was kind of impossible to forget.
"Were you thinking about it when someone was in the process of giving you the hickey that's on your neck?"
The tension within the room could have been cut with a knife as silence drown all sound around us, the nurse saying something about having to take the baby back to the nursery and that we could talk in private. I didn't want to give him back, though. I mean, I did without starting a scene or anything, but I didn't want to… I wanted to hold my son…
"Bianca-" I mumbled, knowing there was nothing I could say.
"Is that what you were doing while I was in labor? Are you trying to knock someone else up now?"
"I just-"
"You just what, Enrique? What could your excuse possibly be this time? I called you over twenty times; I was terrified. I didn't know it he was gonna make it or if I was gonna make it or what the hell was about to happen to either of us. I didn't even get to hold him when he was born, they just showed him to me and took him away so they could stitch me back up. The only people I had with me were the both of our mothers, my mom was the one who held my hand and cut his umbilical cord and why? Because you were looking for a quicky?"
"It wasn't like that."
"How many others were there?"
"How many other what?"
"How many girls have you been with while we've been dating? Don't you dare lie to me."
The truth was that I didn't even know the answer to that question. There had been Rosetta and the girl on the train, they were the only two I'd actually had sex with. I still wasn't sure what had happened with the green haired girl I had brought home and Lupe and I had only given each other oral. Did the girl I gave a hickey and gotten to second base with count as anything?
It hadn't hit me until she said it, though.
She had been giving birth and I had been bringing my body count up to five. I'd even put in the work to ensure she finished and that it was good for her; I didn't even know her. Hell I hadn't even bathed or changed clothes since then.
"I mean, there were only two I actually had sex with."
"Only two?"
"Bianca, it just happened."
"So what, you tripped and fell dick first into two girls vaginas?"
"No, but-"
"You should leave."
"Bianca-"
"Leave. I don't want you here."
"You can't just kick me out, you said so yourself that he's our son."
"By DNA maybe, but I grew him; I took care of him and I gave birth by myself. He's my son and we don't need you… as far as I'm concerned you're off the hook."
"Look, if you wanna break up with me then break up with me but you can't take our kid away."
"Enrique, you didn't even see him as our kid until minutes ago. You gave him zero thought the entire time I was pregnant with him, are you seriously gonna hold him one time and suddenly act like you're father of the year? We both know you don't want this, you're gonna visit once or twice a week in the beginning and then it's gonna gradually be less and less. I'll be lucky if I hear from you once a month by the time he's a year old."
"I'm not leaving him! I'm not a deadbeat."
"No… you aren't… that would be too good a word to describe you."
I knew she was angry and that her hormones were out of control, but there was no way she could mean the things that she was saying. I didn't want to be off the hook or have an out; I could be a good father.
"Bianca, I know I fucked up and I know I can't fix it." My voice was cracking and I gulped for breath that I wasn't able to take in through my running nose. I couldn't calm myself down; I absolutely could not stop crying, she had never seen me like this before. "Please, you can't take him from me. You can't." Her own sobs had combined with my own as she turned away on the bed, rolling uncomfortable so that she faced the wall. "I don't have anyone else..."
"You're the son of a multimillionaire, you have everything you could possibly want."
"I've ruined every relationship I've had! I don't have anyone left who cares!"
She rolled her eyes at me, hiding the small amount of concern she still felt. She didn't want to feel bad for me and I didn't deserve for her to, but it wasn't enough to stop her.
"Enrique…"
"Please. I don't want him to think that I don't care either."
"You can't talk yourself out of every single thing you fuck up. You need to take accountability for your actions and not just when you get caught. I asked you once before if there was someone else and you told me there wasn't. You lied to my face. I shouldn't want anything to do with you; I shouldn't want to see your face again for as long as I live, but if I deny you, then I deny Luca a part of his identity. I don't want him to think I'm disgusted by a part of him he can't control."
"I can handle you breaking up with me,"
"We are long past the stage of being broken up."
"I can't handle you taking him away, though. Please give me a chance."
"We can figure out a custody arrangement, but he's being breastfed and I need to be with him in order to nurse."
It was like the kids I knew at school who's parents were divorced, except we had never married and Luca had only just been born. He existed in a home that was already broken and there was nothing that he or myself would be able to do about it. Like Bianca and everyone else, he would blame me someday. He would know I was the cause of all of the hardships he had been born into.
Welcome to the real world, kid.
Xxx
Sleep felt like something of the past as I sat slouched over in an uncomfortable hospital chair, eyelids heavy and dark from yesterdays events. The nurses were still the ones caring for Luca during times where Bianca didn't need to feed him, meaning that technically speaking I did have time to sleep, not that my body seemed to have come to this realization yet.
"Suppose someone should congratulate him on getting his mothers good looks?" Johnny smirked, shoving me playfully with his elbow as he leaned over Oliver, the one whom the baby currently resided in the arms of. The two of them had been going back and forth insisting it was their turn to hold him, even if Johnny's version of childcare was whispering in his face how lucky he was not to be ugly like me. Robert kept a meter long distance at all times and if at any point my sisters made their way into the room an all out 'my turn to hold him' death match would occur between a twenty year old and an eight year old which Soph normally won by crying. "I can't believe you actually have a kid."
"It's not like you didn't know Bianca was pregnant." I huffed.
"Hopefully next time you'll at least wait until you're eighteen."
"He wasn't exactly planned."
Getting back to my feet, I walked over to Oliver and brought my hands out, nodding in acknowledgment as he gave me a small smirk before handing the baby over. He still seemed so tiny to me, even if the scale claimed he was gradually gaining the needed weight. I was ready to get him home and comfortable, touching a finger to the palm of his hand so that he clutched it tightly.
"I think he looks like you." Ollie mumbled, now up and at my side. "He has your nose."
"Yer bum's oot the windae, kid's way better looking than Enrique."
"Your ass is better looking." I snipped.
"You just insulted yourself you damn bampot."
Oliver and Johnny laughed and even Robert managed to get a small smirk on his face, a sense of calmness falling over us that hadn't existed the day before. A few of Bianca's girlfriends had made their way to the hospital as well, cooing over him while giving me a glare which suggested I was dead to them. The topic of our break up hadn't come up yet outside of the two of us, but there seemed to be a sense that it was inevitable.
"Are you guys staying at my place again tonight?" I asked. "Or are you heading home?"
"I have classes to get back to." Robert shrugged. "To be quite frank I wasn't planning on being a part of your sons birth in the first place."
"I'd thought about that. Why are you all here anyway?"
An awkward silence fell as my friends eyed the floor in front of them awkwardly. I hadn't exactly asked a difficult question to answer, it was only by pure coincidence that they were able to be here with me and I had yet to be told why.
"It was Oliver's suggestion."
"That you come and visit me? I was only planning on being gone for a week."
"Actually," Oliver interrupted, clearing his throat. "Your brothers helped me arrange everything. We figured it would be an easier chance to get everyone in the same room so that we could discuss our concerns."
"What concerns?"
"The drinking, mostly…"
A tingling heat fell over my face as he spoke, unsure if there was a proper way to respond to what he had said. They had come here in order to give me an intervention? Were they crazy?
"Since when has my partying been a concern? Johnny went just as hard as me last year."
"The problem is that you're going harder than last year, Enrique. Ever since everything with Bianca you just haven't seemed yourself."
"Come on, you guys… it's not like I'm an alcoholic."
None of them responded, simply looking at me with more than one raised eyebrow. Was that really what they saw me as? Did I look so pathetic that they thought my partying had developed into an actual problem?
"It's not just the drinking," Oliver continued. "It's some of the choices you've been making while drunk. You've come home without even a memory of the night before and woken up so hungover you hardly qualify as functioning. You have to be able to see where our concern comes from."
"I've had some extra stress on my plate sure, but can you really blame me?"
Luca stirred when I spoke, eyes opening in a squint and face contorting as he began to cry. I hadn't meant to wake him up. The nurse who resided in and out of the room came to my aid immediately, something which didn't make me feel much better regarding the situation.
"How about I get him back to the nursery so that you and your friends can talk?" She asked.
"I can handle it, he's my kid."
Although the words left my mouth, I found myself practically frozen in place, anxiety teetering on the edge of too much as I allowed her to swoop in and take him, suggesting it would be a good time for Bianca to wake up and feed.
"You can't be angry at us for being worried, Enrique." Oliver continued. I didn't want to hear it, though. He wasn't as perfect as he pretended to be and this year especially I was beginning to see through the act he put on.
"It's not like you're doing any better this year." I snapped. "All you've done the past month is lock yourself in your room or run off to hang out with Julia, you know the rumor is that she has a dick, right? You're supposed to be the one with a good head on your shoulders who doesn't take shit from anyone so what's your excuse? Why don't you just admit you're gay?"
He didn't say anything, only biting at his lip in a clear state of discomfort.
"To be honest, Oliver," Johnny piggybacked off my sentence rather quickly, "He kind of has a point. Ye been a wee bit less gallus lately than we're used to."
"I can't disagree." Robert shrugged, although he continued to play the part of distant and uncaring. "If there's something you've been avoiding telling us-"
"I'm not the one on trial here." He blushed. My diversion had worked though, he was the one their eyes were on now.
Rolling my eyes, I huffed slightly while turning myself to the door.
"I know you have to play the role of perfect at all times, but that doesn't mean you need to start going on about my own imperfections. You have no idea what you're talking about so how about you worry about yourself for once."
Walking into the hallway, I left them there alone. None of them had needed to be here for this at all and now Oliver way continuing to try and interfere with my life in a way that I didn't need. He was no better than my mother was and his opinion was no different.
None of them thought I was good enough and none of them thought I could do this. Now with Bianca done with me there was no one left within my corner.
And Luca was all that stopped me from being completely alone.
