30. "Auxiliary Documents 6-13"

Documents 6 through 13 are phone calls made by a Department employee to any and all known family, friends, and associates, in alphabetical order by last name, of two individuals who were thought to be alive in Nottingham and its environs despite being missing since 1998. They were recorded on Thursday, June 16, 2005, shortly after the recording of Document 5 (see previous installment). These were provided as audio for our editors to transcribe (with the exception of the headers, which we have copied from the labels attached to the physical tapes) under the condition that we likewise expunge the name of the police caller and any other identifiable information as had been done for the interviewer in Document 5; as a show of gratitude, we have obliged.

Document 6

Respondent: CHASE, OLIVER
Relation to suspect: FATHER/STEPFATHER (HOOD)
Place of residence: LEEDS, GB
Time of recording: 5:15 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hello?

NPD: Hello, is this Mister… Oliver Chase?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, this is… may I ask who's calling, please?

NPD: Yes, this is [REDACTED] from the Nottingham Police Department in Delaware. We're trying to reach Oliver Chase; we did some research and we're fairly certain this is the right Oliver Chase in England. Is there someone with that name at this number?

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: Yes, but, er… what does Oliver have to do with this?

NPD: We believe he may have a connection to a suspect.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: I see. Do excuse me for a moment, I'll go retrieve him.

NPD: Thank you, sir. What's your name?

(Footsteps are heard walking away from the phone)

NPD: Okay, whatever.

(Footsteps are heard approaching the phone)

CHASE: Hello?

NPD: Hello, sir, am I speaking to Oliver Chase?

CHASE: Yes, speaking.

NPD: Hello, Mr. Chase, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling on behalf of the Nottingham Police Department in Delaware.

CHASE: So I've been told. How can I help you?

NPD: So if we have the correct Oliver Chase, we have reason to believe that you may be related to a wanted criminal here and we're calling to ask you a few questions and, uh, see if you'd like to provide any information for us.

CHASE: Related to a wanted criminal? In the States? Why… the only person I know in the States is Robin, and he-

NPD: Would this "Robin" fellow's full name be Robert Hood?

CHASE: ...Oh, dear.

NPD: I'll take that as a yes.

CHASE: I… I have several questions.

NPD: Please.

CHASE: Well… the first one is… what exactly did you want from me? Do I have any legal obligation to tell you anything?

NPD: Your only legal obligation is to answer a yes-or-no question, which is whether you've had any contact with him since, uh… May of '98. And even then, you're only legally obligated inasmuch as if you say you haven't and we later find evidence suggesting you have, we can use that against you for a formal interrogation. Anything else you do or do not want to tell us is completely voluntary.

CHASE: Well, to answer your one question, no, I've not heard from him in all those years, nor has anybody I know, at least not to my knowledge. And that seems to answer my next question, which was whether your department was aware that he's been missing for… what now, seven years?

NPD: Well aware, Mr. Chase. In fact, the date that he and several other connected parties went missing lines up quite nicely with when reports of this criminal activity started.

CHASE: Hrm. What kind of criminal activity is he suspected of?

NPD: We think that he's the ringleader of a band of criminals who run some vigilante charity operation by robbing rich people and giving it out to poor people. Does that sound like something he would do?

CHASE: Hrm… Well I certainly taught him to have strong convictions and to stand up for them, but, er… I must say, I never did teach him to take it to quite an… extreme logical conclusion. I certainly didn't make a concerted effort to inspire him to grow up to be a modern-day Adam Bell, which is what it sounds like he's doing.

NPD: I mean, I would have said Zorro, but… that's just because, y'know, Zorro, fox, so… but I guess Adam Bell makes sense, too, because… British. So I guess you can call him Adam Bell except a fox instead of a deer. Or Zorro except British instead of Mexican. And of course he's a citizen of the real world and not the realm of fiction and because he seems to think he's the same as those characters, he doesn't realize what he's doing is wrong and unlike those characters, he's not a hero, he's not making things better, he's not saving the city, he's just ruining everything for everyone and making a mess of everything and that's why we need to bring him in… assuming we have the right guy, of course.

CHASE: Right. I see. Now, this is the part where I say that this sounds nothing like him to throw you off his trail, but… it surely sounds as though you have your mind made up that this is your man.

NPD: Well, Mr. Chase, would you lie to the police?

CHASE: To protect the lad I raised? Of course.

NPD: Well then, Mr. Chase, let's hope that we don't have to get in contact with British law enforcement to formally interrogate you or we might just have to use that statement against you.

CHASE: Hrm. Evidently you've never had children.

NPD: And if the pills keep working, I never will. But I'm just being real with you, Mr. Chase, even if your paternal instinct is to protect your son, from our point of view, we don't care. Don't obstruct justice. I'm starting to get the idea that Robin got the idea that it's okay to break the law if it's inconvenient for your morals from you.

CHASE: What, wouldn't you say everyone thinks that way?

NPD: Nope.

CHASE: ...Isn't your entire county based on the idea of rebellion against immoral laws? You know, when you thought you were too young and clever to be under our dominion?

NPD: Yup, and then we replaced your immoral laws with our laws which actually make sense. And now we're good.

CHASE: Oh, my- wait! Wait, that reminds me! His brother is over there, too!

NPD: His brother? You have another son in America?

CHASE: Not my son. His half-brother. Who wanted to go to America so badly because he loved the spirit of rebellion you… supposedly stood for. At least that's what his father tells me. Are you sure the criminal you're looking for isn't him!? B-because, as much as I want Robin to still be alive- a-are they together!? Are there reports of two British foxes or just one?

NPD: Unfortunately, sir, there's only been reports of one fox these last few years. There were a scant few reports of there being two but those were vague recollections of events years ago.

CHASE: Oh- I'm sorry, this is just so… upsetting. All these years assuming the lads have been dead, now I get the idea in my head that they're both still alive, now… perhaps it's one or the other.

NPD: For what it's worth Mr. Chase, this person's victims have been shown pictures we have on file for Robert Hood and they invariably say that he's the one. Do you know if this brother of his looked similar to him?

CHASE: Facially, they looked very alike. It might come down to their size. I didn't see his brother much after Robin moved to America, the brother was still a teenager, so I don't know how much more he grew after that. But while Will was already tall as a teenager, Robin was without exaggeration the tallest fox I've ever met. I don't know how much Will closed the gap before he grew up and went to the States-

NPD: Wait. I-I'm sorry. How tall is Robin?

CHASE: ...Nearly five feet. Didn't you- did you not know that?

NPD: I-I personally haven't seen his record yet, they just told me to call and ask if you've seen them… him, sorry... Okay, I'm on the computer, I'm opening his details now… oh, my God.

CHASE: Correct.

NPD: ...Wow. I'm just… envisioning him.

CHASE: Well, he certainly stood out in our town of mostly foxes. That's what I meant when I said that I assumed that if you thought it was him, it must be him, because how many five-foot foxes with English accents are running around in America?

NPD: How does this guy not have crippling back and knee problems?

CHASE: And when he was a lad, we were all afraid one day he would, and he'd been on painkillers for the longest time because the growing pains were just too painful. But luckily for him, his father's side of the family seems to be pretty sturdy for their sizes, but he's even bigger than them, so-

NPD: Wait, how tall are you?

CHASE: Me? Oh, I'm three-two. Perfectly average, nothing special. He gets it from his father.

NPD: ...Okay, now I'm confused. You say he gets it from his father, but you're… average… Are you the weird one in your family-?

CHASE: I'm his dad. Robert Scarlett is his father. He conceived the lad and gave him his giant genetic code while I raised the lad with the boy's mother when he didn't feel like being a father, which was most of the time.

NPD: ...Oh! Oh, so you're his… stepfather?

CHASE: If you wish to be formal with it, then yes. I gave him my love and support but I didn't give him my DNA.

NPD: Ohhh, oh that makes sense now!

CHASE: Glad I could help.

NPD: We actually didn't have this other, uh, gentleman on Hood's records, so we'd best add him to our list of family to contact. What did you say his name was?

CHASE: Robert Scarlett. Lives in Sheffield. And his son, Robin's brother, was William Scarlett - hopefully still is William Scarlett. Is Will on your radar?

NPD: I beg your pardon?

CHASE: Is the other lad also someone you're looking for? Because as much as I don't want either of them to be on the wrong side of the law, I'd rather they be criminals than deadmen.

NPD: Unfortunately we don't have anything suggesting that this William is someone we're looking for. That may change, though. It may even be him we've been seeing instead of Robert. Now, would you be able to provide this Mr. Scarlett's contact information, please?

CHASE: (silence)

NPD: Mr. Chase?

CHASE: I- apologies, I'm just lost in thought. I'll be straightforward with you, I… it's distressing me to think that one or the other of them is still alive and I don't know whom.

NPD: I understand that this is a tough thing to hear, Mr. Chase. That's why the department had me call; they said a woman's voice would probably put people at ease more than speaking with a man.

CHASE: Er… okay.

NPD: Yeah, tell me about it.

CHASE: But, er, yes, j-just give me a moment, I'll retrieve Robert's number from somewhere. Robert Scarlett, not Robin. Just a moment.

NPD: Sure thing.

(thirty-seven seconds of silence pass)

NPD: Jesus Christ, how long is it taking you to find your little address book or whatever?

(nineteen seconds of silence pass)

CHASE: Alright, I'm back. His number is [REDACTED].

NPD: [REDACTED]?

CHASE: Yes, that's correct.

NPD: Thank you so much, Mr. Chase.

CHASE: Is there anything else I can help you with?

NPD: Uh, no. No, just… opening a new page and inputting this biological father's information.

CHASE: Understood.

NPD: Yeah… But jeez, four foot ten? Jeepers frickin' creepers. Knowing how much guys are obsessed with their own heights, he must consider himself lucky.

CHASE: Well, he hated his height as a lad.

NPD: Did he now?

CHASE: Detested it. Absolutely detested it. He certainly had moments where he was convinced it was cool because everyone else thought it was cool, but for the longest time, he had trouble looking himself in the mirror… and not just because at a certain point the tops of the mirrors in our home stopped below his eye level.

NPD: Wow. Poor kid.

CHASE: His size was simply the foremost of the many ways he physically resembled his father, and he loathed that.

NPD: Hm… I don't want to sound… sick, but I'm just thinking that there are… some people in this department who might try to use this insecurity of his against him.

CHASE: Oh, well if I did a good job raising him - myself and his mother, I should say - if we did a good job raising him, he should have turned out to be someone who has enough confidence in himself to not let it bother him anymore. Or at the very least, a bloke who's man enough to admit that they're not always one hundred percent confident in himself, but can control his anxieties when he needs to. We're all mortals, aren't we?

NPD: That we are.

CHASE: So I'd like to imagine he's grown into a more self-contained person than that.

NPD: Well, he's certainly grown a lot…

CHASE: That he has, that he has… Hm, but then again, he did tell me after he left for the States that he was starting to worry his abnormal size was destroying his acting career before it had even begun, and yet being surrounded by a majority of non-foxes was making him feel small for the first time in his life, so he could well be feeling it's the worst of both worlds… I'm sorry, I'm probably wasting your time and I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but… wow, hearing that he might still be alive out there somewhere… I just want to think about him. And talk about him. And… you're the only one here to talk to right now.

NPD: Not a worry, Mr. Chase. I've got plenty of time to kill anyway. I'm on the clock for the rest of the evening and they want us to call people now because this is when everybody's home.

CHASE: Well just so you're aware, miss, here in England it's almost gone half ten.

NPD: Hm, we knew you guys were a few hours ahead of us but we didn't know exactly how many.

CHASE: Google didn't tell you?

NPD: Never crossed our minds to check. But you mentioned something about Hood hating his father?

CHASE: Yes, and if it turns out that Robin somehow has contacted his father, I'll be gobsmacked. If he did, it probably would have just been a letter sent with the words "Fuck off" and nothing else written inside. That's what I'd imagine.

NPD: Yikes.

CHASE: That's another reason Robin hated his size; when British coal and steel weren't as lucrative as they used to be, Robin's fantastic growth rate inspired the mean old bastard to buy a clothing mill and start a big-and-tall fox apparel line that quickly went international and made him yet another fortune. Hey… you say Robin's got it out for the rich? It doesn't surprise me at all, considering.

NPD: Well we do indeed say that he fits the description of the person thought to be leading a band of rebels victimizing the rich as part of a perverse charity scheme.

CHASE: Leading? Hrm… I mean, good for him that he's found himself in a position of leadership and seems to be good at it, but now I can't help but think that if his father heard you describe him as that, he'd likely try to take credit for that at well. He'd probably say that Robin inherited his gene for natural leadership or something ridiculous like that.

NPD: Well, would you agree with that assessment?

CHASE: Er… not to take anything away from Robin, but I don't think I quite believe in such a thing as "natural" leadership. Of course, that could just be me hoping that he learned it from his mother and I instead of simply being born that way. Now, I believe that certain people may be born with a natural predisposition to feel the need to be in control… but that isn't in and of itself leadership unless you have some social wisdom to pair it with. Charisma. And… again, I don't think charisma is a gene, Robin always got along well with most people, but I have to imagine that's something to do with how he's been forced to practice adult social skills since a very young age since people have thought he was an adult since a very young age. But again, Robert Scarlett, he'd likely say that Robin inherited his natural charms… and I can't deny that geezer has a way of making people like him who otherwise would have known good and well that they ought to hate him… oh, hell, perhaps charm really is a gene.

NPD: Jeez, did this guy get any genes that were unambiguously from his mother's side?

CHASE: (a few seconds of silence) ...A good heart… and a desire to do good in the world. And thank God for that, because if he wanted to be a bully, he could have easily been. The village we raised him in was seventy-five, eighty percent foxes, maybe even more; if Robin wanted to be a menace, few people could have been able to stop him. Heh… we might have had to tie him down like the Lilliputians did to Gulliver.

NPD: Uh… what?

CHASE: ...Gulliver's Travels, dear.

NPD: Oh, I've never seen that movie.

CHASE: No, Gulliver's Travels. By Jonathan Swift.

NPD: Oh, okay. Yeah, I've never heard that album. But I'm starting to get the impression that this kid's size - I say kid, I know he's an adult now, but we're talking about his past - I get the impression that if he were normal-sized, his life would have turned out completely differently.

CHASE: You know, that's another thing that miserly bastard Scarlett would likely say, he'd posit that his and Robin's successes in life have a lot to do with their heights because society respects a tall man. Now, luckily for me, I'm not too caught up in that hypermasculine nonsense, wanting to be bigger than one another so they'll make other men fear them and women want to shag them, neither of which I'm terribly interested in myself, and it's clear as day that they boast about the length of their bodies because they hope you'll think it's proportional to the length of something else.

NPD: I mean, yeah.

CHASE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is no way to be speaking to a lady. I apologize, I just… it kills me to think that if Robert Scarlett told me that his and Robin's imposing stature did at least on some level make people be in awe of them, well… I don't think I'd be able to say he was wrong. Not completely right, but not completely wrong, either.

NPD: We live in a superficial society, don't we?

CHASE: Quite right. I- I apologize again, I just want to take a second to think aloud. I've made up my mind that sod it, maybe I'd best not be sharing all this with you if you're looking to capture the closest I'll ever have to a son, but I'd rather he be a living sinner than a dead saint. But by the sound of it, he's not doing anything evil, he's just breaking the rules to do good.

NPD: Bold thing to say to the police.

CHASE: And I'll say it to you again because even on the surface of the details, you confess that he's doing what he's doing to help the poor. I will not be convinced that Robin's an evil man, no matter what he's wanted for. And even if he inherited a bunch of traits from his father, he still inherited that heart of gold from his mother - oh, my Lord! Brianna!

NPD: Huh?

CHASE: Oh, how could it have even slipped my mind!? How could I have been so selfish!? So… solipsistic!? Please, please tell me you've already contacted his mother about this. Please tell me that you called her before you called me!

NPD: No, sir. We're going alphabetically and you were first in line.

CHASE: First in line!? B comes before O!

NPD: Aaand C comes before H.

CHASE: (silence)

NPD: In America, we go by last names, honey.

CHASE: ...You know, a weaker man would make a point to tell you off for being unprofessionally sassy.

NPD: Oh, I'm not sassy, I'm just real.

CHASE: ...Right. But yes, I know how the alphabet works - now I remember - but all these revelations about Robin have my mind absolutely knackered. So you haven't called her yet?

NPD: No, but there's only one person in line between the two of you.

CHASE: Good. She should be told as quickly as possible that Robin might still be alive. Actually, sod it, I'll call her myself while you're calling that other person-

NPD: You don't have to do that, Mr. Chase.

CHASE: No, you misunderstand: I want to tell her.

NPD: No, you misunderstand: we're telling you politely not to call her. Don't you talk to me like you think I'm stupid.

CHASE: I didn't talk to you like I thought you were stupid, I simply said you misunderstood me! Misunderstanding something doesn't make you stupid!

NPD: Over here it does. I don't know how things work over there, but over here we have no tolerance for people making mistakes. We pretend we do to be polite, but we don't really mean it.

CHASE: ...And here I thought you yanks thought we were too unforgivingly rigid and falsely polite.

NPD: Yeah, and we learned it from watching you.

CHASE: But why shouldn't I tell her about her own son still being alive?

NPD: Plenty of reasons. First of all, we're the authority on this, we have all the info, she ought to hear it from us. Secondly, if she takes the news badly, she might be hysterical on the phone. Or she might not even answer the phone, especially if you're still on the line with her and you don't hang up in time. And if she is somehow in cahoots with her son, you warning her about us calling might give her time to formulate a lie about it. And- actually, do I even need to keep going?

CHASE: No… no, you needn't bother. Have it your way, break the news to her yourself.

NPD: Very well, then.

CHASE: You say there's only one person in the queue in front of her?

NPD: …"Cue"? Cue for what?

CHASE: The- what- what do you mean?

NPD: What are you talking about giving her a cue for? A cue to do what?

CHASE: ...There's only one other person in line before her? To be called? By you?

NPD: Oh, yeah. Plus you. Why didn't you just ask that the first time?

CHASE: I did. But I'll say this much, you're right about one thing. She's going to be going to pieces.

NPD: She will be?

CHASE: Can't see any way she wouldn't be. Her finding out that she's spent the last seven years thinking her son to be dead just to find out that he may still be living… I'm worried about how she'll take it. Because she… she's a good woman. Very headstrong, very strong-willed. But she is only mortal. I'd go as far as to say she never really found happiness in life - fleeting moments of it, absolutely, but none that weren't taken away from her sooner or later. She loved her son, her son disappears in a faraway land. She thought she loved the father of her child, turns out the feeling was hardly mutual. Never had another child, never even found a man she'd have been comfortable having a child with. She certainly never got the happy ending with a loving husband and children she'd always wanted.

NPD: And you couldn't give her kids?

CHASE: ...That is absolutely none of your business.

NPD: Rude.

CHASE: What? Was it your business?

NPD: Was it your business to colonize half the world?

CHASE: (silence)

NPD: Tell me what I'm in for when I call her. Prepare me emotionally.

CHASE: ...She and I both knew from the very beginning that I was simply around to be a father figure and help with Robin because Robert wouldn't. Brianna's a dear woman, we still talk on the phone most days a week, but there was never any pretense that there was any mutual romantic attraction. We simply weren't one another's type, and we knew it, we never pretended otherwise. We were very good friends doing each other a very big favor, and we agreed early in Robin's childhood that as soon as he moved out, whether that was at eighteen or thirty-eight, I'd be out of there as well, no sooner, no later. And that's precisely how our happy little family dissolved. I've been pretty content with how my life's gone since then, but Brianna… she never found a man to love like she wanted to love Robert and the only-son she adored disappeared without a trace. Tell me, how would you feel if you found out that your only child wasn't dead all these years but rather was a wanted criminal who hadn't managed to contact you even once? She has little else to be happy about; you may well tease her by giving her one of those things back and promptly taking it away again.

NPD: Wow, sounds like this is gonna be a fun phone call.

CHASE: Yes, this must really be unpleasant for you. And you have the nerve to call others rude.

NPD: Hey, I'm not gonna be fake. But if you want to take off, I think I got all I'm gonna get out of you. So one last time to confirm, you say you've had no contact at all with Robert Hood, your stepson, since 1998?

CHASE: That is correct.

NPD: Alright, Mr. Chase, you're free to go. We'll call his mother shortly.

CHASE: Cheers, you have a good night now.

NPD: You too, sir.

CHASE: (sounds of the hanging up the phone)

NPD: Asshole.

END OF RECORDING.

Document 7

Respondent: CLOUGH, ANNE
Relation to suspect: ROOMMATE (HOOD)
Place of residence: WASHINGTON, DC
Time of recording: 5:46 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

CLOUGH: ...Hello?

NPD: Hello, this is [REDACTED] with the Nottingham Police Department in Delaware. I'm trying to find an Anne Cl- um, Cluff? Clowe? Clog?

CLOUGH: Clough, lassie. Rhymes with luck.

NPD: Oh, like a chicken?

CLOUGH: ...It's been the source of many silly nicknames, yes. May I ask why you're calling?

NPD: Yes, I'm trying to reach you in regards to, uh… a former roommate of yours, I believe, who was declared missing in May of 1998 but now is thought to be alive and living somewhere around our city. If we have the right person, he's now possibly the most wanted criminal in the city, and we think he's been living and operating underground since he disappeared. Name is Robert Hood; does that sound familiar?

CLOUGH: ...It does, yes. I remember him well.

NPD: Perfect. So before we get any farther ahead of ourselves, let me just clarify, this is not an official police interview or interrogation, you are under no legal obligation to provide any information to us just now, but if we later find out that you gave us false information or withheld important information regarding the question I'm about to ask which then implicates that you were an accomplice to criminal activity, then this record will retroactively be used against you in the court of law. Does that all make sense so far?

CLOUGH: ...Actually, not quite, lass. Explain to me how that's at all legal that you can say this isn't an official interrogation now but you can make it one later if you wish?

NPD: Certainly. It's legal because nobody's been stupid enough to try to go to court and claim they should have a right to lie to the police.

CLOUGH: ...Okay, I think I understand what you're saying now.

NPD: Perfect. And the other thing that I need to clarify is that just because he's our prime suspect does not mean that we're correct; it might be him, it might be someone else, it might be him and someone who looks like him, or it could just not be him altogether and he might be… um…

CLOUGH: Deceased, as we've already thought him to be all these years.

NPD: Yes. Sorry, trying to think of a nicer way to say that. But, uh… so I only have one real question for you, and that's this: have you had any contact with Robert Hood since May of 1998 that would have made you aware that he was secretly still alive somewhere?

CLOUGH: I have not.

NPD: You have not?

CLOUGH: I have not.

NPD: Alright, got it. So did you have any questions for me?

CLOUGH: Uh… not really.

NPD: None at all?

CLOUGH: Well, yes, I have one question, and that is why you think it's him. B-because again, er… we've all thought him dead all these years.

NPD: Quite simply, he matches the physical description - which I've since found out that he's hard to mistake for someone else, I just got off the phone with his father-

CLOUGH: His dad knows!?

NPD: Yes, and his mom is next in line. But yeah, he matches the description and the criminal activity matches when he went missing. Timewise, I mean.

CLOUGH: Uh… I-I'm sorry, but… when you say his father, do you mean Mr. Scarlett or his stepfather?

NPD: Oh, I'm sorry, I meant his stepfather. His father's further down the list, we're going alphabetically. So no other questions?

CLOUGH: Och… no, not really-

NPD: I've got your file pulled up, Ms. Klug, apparently you lived in Nottingham for a few months in the summer of 2001?

CLOUGH: Y-you have a file on me?

NPD: We have a file on everybody, ma'am, that's how I got your number.

CLOUGH: Oh… okay, then.

NPD: Hm, so you lived in the same city as the guy - you may have, excuse me, none of this is for certain yet - you were possibly living right next to him and you didn't even know it.

CLOUGH: Uh… yes! Yes, exactly! That's why I'm so shocked to hear… uh, this. Completely shocking!

NPD: Understandable. Well, that's all I need from you, so if you don't have any more questions-

CLOUGH: I have another, actually.

NPD: Please.

CLOUGH: When are you going to call his… partner?

NPD: Partner?

CLOUGH: Marian. Swift.

NPD: Oh, she's actually at the end of the alphabet, so we won't need to talk to her for a while.

CLOUGH: Because we still live together and she's home, I can get her on the phone right now and get it over with.

NPD: Oh, that won't be necessary-

CLOUGH: (shouting away from the phone) Mari!? ...Mari! Come in here! Phone for you! It's about Robin!

NPD: Ms. Klug, we have a system in place, it'd mess everything up if I talked to her on the same call as you.

CLOUGH: Och, no worries, she's just in the other room, she's coming.

NPD: No, no-

CLOUGH: Aye, here she is. (speaking away from the phone) Here you go, Mari.

SWIFT: (distant) What's this about Robin?

NPD: Goodbye, Ms. Klug!

END OF RECORDING.

Document 8

Respondent: HOOD, BRIANNA
Relation to suspect: MOTHER (HOOD)
Place of residence: SHEFFIELD, GB
Time of recording: 5:53 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

HOOD: He-hello?

NPD: Good evening, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling on behalf of the Nottingham, Delaware, Police Department. I'm trying to find a Brianna Hood?

HOOD: Oh… so you're who I'm meant to be expecting.

NPD: "Expecting"? I'm sorry, what do you mean by "expecting"?

HOOD: My ex-husband just called me awake - I'd been asleep - and he told me that I should be expecting a call from the States and hung up. Didn't explain what on earth he meant by that.

NPD: Did he? Hm. Alright, I'll allow it.

HOOD: Allow what? I'm sorry, but why am I getting a call from a police department in the States? You say you're from Delaware? I'm sorry, which state is that again?

NPD: Uh, we're the one that Maryland's wearing like a backpack.

HOOD: Maryland… isn't that where Washington, DC is?

NPD: Washington, DC, is a chunk taken out of Maryland, yes. On the border with Virginia on the Potomac River.

HOOD: Washington D- oh dear, this is about Robin, isn't it?

NPD: Um… it may be.

HOOD: (voice breaking) Oh, my God, you found his body!

NPD: Uh, not quite.

HOOD: ...Not quite? Wha- what do you mean, not quite?

NPD: So, first, to confirm, your son is… Robert Edward Hood?

HOOD: Robin, yes.

NPD: Red fox, four-foot-ten?

HOOD: (voice breaking again) Th-that's my Little Giant, yes.

NPD: And lived in New York, Philly, and DC before last being seen in… 1998. Yes?

HOOD: (softly sobbing) ...Yes, that's him.

NPD: Alright, so… we have some good news and we have some bad news.

(From this point forward, Ms. Hood can be heard consistently sobbing throughout.)

HOOD: Bad news first, please just get it out of the way.

NPD: It's… kind of the same news, ma'am. Please allow me to explain.

HOOD: Please. Please do.

NPD: So… there is a… character in the Nottingham metro area… this individual is, in the eyes of our police department, probably the most dangerous criminal in the city-

HOOD: (sobbing intensifies) Oh, my God, he was murdered!? You found his murderer-! (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: (muttered under breath) Oh, here we go...

HOOD: (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Ma'am?

HOOD: (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Ms. Hood?

HOOD: (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Ma'am, tha-that's not what I was going to say.

HOOD: (sniffling; sobbing lightens) ...Wh-what were you going to say?

NPD: ...Ms. Hood, we think this dangerous individual is your son.

HOOD: ...WHAT!?

NPD: Numerous eyewitness reports invariably describe this person as a five-foot red fox with a British accent and no black or white discoloration of fur on his extremities, just red all the way down his hands and tail and probably his feet too. And these reports date back to approximately the summer of 1998-

HOOD: OH, MY GOD, HE'S ALIVE! HE'S ALIVE! HE'S- HE'S STILL ALIVE!

NPD: Ma'am.

HOOD: ...Yes?

NPD: Ma'am, I can tell you're overjoyed by the idea that your son may still be alive out there somewhere, but I need to be one hundred percent clear with you, we aren't positive that this is him.

HOOD: B-but he matches the description perfectly!

NPD: And that's why we're very, very confident that this might be him, but until we get… I dunno, a DNA sample, or some pawprints, we can't be sure.

HOOD: Oh… okay… I… I understand…

NPD: Very well, then. Now, the reason I called was to conduct a quick one-question interview with you about this situation, and I think I already know the answer, but I've got to go through with it anyway. Formalities. So to clarify, this is not going to be recorded as an official-

HOOD: You said he was a criminal?

NPD: ...I-I'm sorry, what now?

HOOD: Y-you said my son was the most wanted criminal in Nottingham. What did he do? Wh-what is he being accused of?

NPD: So… it's thought that he and his followers are systematically targeting wealthy citizens and giving the stolen money to the poor. So… as I was saying, this won't be a legally-binding interv-

HOOD: (sobbing intensifying again) Oh… that's my son… always going out of his way to help others… even when he knows good and well that he's only going to do harm to himself… and make his mummy cry herself to sleep at night! (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Now Ms. Hood, I understand your grief, but I need you to be able to answer one question for me, just one question, so I can officially say that-

HOOD: DON'T YOU HURT HIM!

NPD: ...What?

HOOD: Don't you dare hurt my son! I-I don't care what he did! I don't care what laws he broke! He's only trying to help people, you said it yourself!

NPD: Ms. Hood, your ex-husband told me basically the same thing, and I told him-

HOOD: (sobbing intensifying again) And if you do capture him, don't you dare execute him! Don't you dare! I know how bloodthirsty you Americans are! Don't you dare put my son in an electric chair without letting his mummy see him one last time…! (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Ma'am! Ma'am. Ms. Hood. Don't worry. Even if we catch him alive, our government just isn't efficient enough to fast-track him on the death penalty even if we wanted to. In fact, here in Delaware, we have the distinction of having the last person in America to be executed by hanging. They did it in 1996 but he was convicted way back in, like, 1980 or something, and he chose hanging over injection right before they made hanging not an option anymore, so he was grandfathered in, and it still took them, like, fifteen years to get around to actually killing the guy. They had to build a gallows just for him, he probably felt proud that he forced us to waste all that taxpayer money just to kill one guy-

HOOD: IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!?

NPD: Ma'am, calm down, you told me we shouldn't execute him before you get a chance to see him, and I'm telling you that that shouldn't be an issue. You'd have plenty of time to-

HOOD: DON'T EXECUTE HIM AT ALL! He hasn't done anything wrong! He hasn't done anything evil! He's only helping the people that you and your government refuse to help yourselves! Why do you even still have the bloody death penalty!? Don't you know that every other civilized country in the world's done away with the death penalty years ago!? You backward, filthy, blood-lusting… mongrels!

NPD: Alright bitch, you wanna have a fuckin' attitude with me? Because I've got a motherfuckin' attitude, too! You're so worried about us executing your son? It's not gonna fuckin' matter! Every single person who runs this city knows who your son is and they want him fuckin' dead! Any cop in this city gets a good look at him? Boom. He's out. Lethal force on sight. He's on the floor. It's over. You're worried about us executing him? Moot fuckin' point. He's not gonna make it that far. I tried to be nice to you and explain things but you wanted to give me a fuckin' attitude.

HOOD: (sobbing angrily) ...This is no way to talk to a grieving mother!

NPD: And this is no way to talk to somebody who works for the police! I didn't take a job with the fuckin' pigs just to have people like you talk to me this way!

HOOD: (sobbing intensifies again) I should never have let him go to America…!

NPD: Please just answer the question: have you had any contact with your son since 1998 and been aware that he was alive and participating in illegal activities?

HOOD: (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: We need you to officially answer the question so that if we can find out if you were lying to us we can have you arrested and tried for being an accomplice.

HOOD: ...I need to go over there.

NPD: Uh… no you don't.

HOOD: Yes… yes I do! My little boy needs his mother! I-

NPD: No, Ms. Hood, you misunderstand. If you come over here to find your son, it'll be in cooperation with our law enforcement and we'd be using you as bait to catch him. Now that I know you know, that we know you know about your son, if you come to Nottingham without our go-ahead, we'll be able to reasonably assume that you're only here to help your son, who's a fucking domestic terrorist. If we find you here and you aren't coming specifically to work with us against him, you'll be arrested yourself and tried for attempting to help him cause chaos around town. And this recording will probably be used as evidence against you. Then you'll be the one rotting away in a prison cell far from home. Do you understand now? Or are you still being difficult just to make my job harder?

HOOD: (quiet weeping)

NPD: From our point of view, talking to you is the same as if we got Osama bin Laden's mom on the phone, asking us to stop trying to hunt down and kill her little calf. We don't care how much you care about your son, your son is single-handedly terrorizing this fucking city and we don't wanna hear an ounce of sympathy for him. So he's your son. So what. He's a bad person and if you don't wanna go down in history as being a bad person too, you'll grow up and stop defending your son.

HOOD: (quiet weeping)

NPD: Have you heard from your son in the past seven years, or is this not just an act? I need to hear it from you.

HOOD: ...Just send him home.

NPD: You haven't been listening to a word I said, have you?

HOOD: Send him home. Just- deport him. You don't have to waste time and money convicting him and executing him and cleaning up the mess, just have him sent back to England. I don't even care if he's sent to prison forever over here, j-just cooperate with the British government and have him convicted over, I'm sure they'll take him back! Just- (sobbing intensifies) -please just let me see my son!

NPD: Ma'am, we're not gonna do some reverse-extradition thing just for your comfort. That wouldn't make any sense-

HOOD: (sobbing uncontrollably) Oh my God, Robin!

(a thunking sound is heard, and from this point forward Brianna sounds more distant, suggesting she may have dropped the phone)

NPD: Ms. Hood, have you heard from your son or not?

HOOD: Robin, please come home!

NPD: Please just say the word "no"; you're clearly not faking this.

HOOD: Robin, I-I don't want you to be a hero anymore, I just want my son back!

NPD: At least you'd better not be faking this. Nobody's that good at acting.

HOOD: I-I just want you safe at home! I just want to hold you again! ...I just want to hold you…

NPD: Alright, well, if you can't pull yourself together, we can't have this conversation.

HOOD: I just want to see your face again and tell you how much I love you! I-I don't care if it's the last time I ever tell you, I just want to tell you one more time!

NPD: I'm gonna mark you down as having refused the question. If we find out later you knew something, you could be in deep shit. Good luck.

HOOD: I don't care about all those people you're trying to help, Robin, I… I only care about you! You've been a good boy, Robin, you've been a very good boy, b-but… now it's time to come home...!

NPD: (muttering under breath) Did this bitch walk away from the phone?

HOOD: I… I just want you to be mine again! Pl-please don't do this to your mummy! I- I just want you to be mine!

NPD: Jesus, lady, is this guy your son or your lover?

HOOD: Please don't- I don't want to lose you again, Robin! I-I don't want to lose you… I can't lose you again...

NPD: CAN YOU HEAR ME!? I'M HANGING UP ON YOU NOW!

HOOD: (sounds of her presumably picking up the phone, still sobbing uncontrollably) Oh, p-please! If you see my son… before you kill him… plea-please tell him how much I love him! How- how I can never love anybody as much as I love him. A-a-and how I can't love myself without him, if I- if I failed to keep my little boy safe, I can't- I can't forgive mysel- (sobbing uncontrollably)

NPD: Whatever.

END OF RECORDING

Document 9

Respondent: LITTLE, BALTIMORE
Relation to suspect: BROTHER (LITTLE)
Place of residence: PAW PAW, WV
Time of recording: 6:10 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hello?

NPD: Oh, uh… I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting another British person. Especially not in West Virginia.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, I'm actually not British myself, I was simply taught English at a British school back in India before my family moved to America. Don't fret, you're not the only one who gets thrown off by my accent.

NPD: Oh! Um…

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: May I ask who's calling, please?

NPD: Uh, yes, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling from the Nottingham Police Department - in Delaware. I'm, uh… I'm trying to find a gentleman named Baltimore Little? I can't imagine I have the right number now-

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, no, no, you've the right number, that's, er… he's my roommate. I can go fetch him. Erm… he's in no trouble, is he? Across state lines?

NPD: Uh, no, no, uh… it's-it's about- it's not about him himself, it's about one of his… relations.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ...I see. Pardon me for just a moment, please.

NPD: Of course.

(seven seconds of silence)

NPD: (muttering under breath) Jesus, what's with everybody's boyfriends answering the phone today?

(eighteen seconds of silence before rustling can be heard)

B. LITTLE: Hey, how's it goin'!

NPD: Um… hello?

B. LITTLE: Yeah, what's wrong? I asked ya how's it goin'!

NPD: Uh… fine, I guess. I'm trying to find a, uh, Baltimore Little?

B. LITTLE: Aw, ya don't have to call me by my government name, sweetheart. They call me Baloo.

NPD: Oh… kay. Hm. That's a nickname, alright.

B. LITTLE: It's great, ain't it? Nice and jazzy, just my style. Couldn't have asked for better myself.

NPD: Well, good thing you thought it up then. But uh-

B. LITTLE: Aw, I borrowed it from my grampa. Now that guy was an original '30s hipster. I'm jealous of the guy, but I do what I can to channel his groove. Guy was a cargo pilot who crashed a few Hollywood parties and he was such a fun guy to have around, hell, they didn't kick him out! And then someone fell in love with his singing voice and said, "Hey, my man, you need to be on the radio!" One thing led to another and now he's got two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

NPD: ...Really?

B. LITTLE: Yep! Old boy was such a party animal that they had no choice but to discover him and put him in the entertainment industry. Course, when his new career took off, the trade-off was that he had to get a more marketable stage name. He didn't like Baltimore very much - I'm Baltimore the Third, technically, so that's one cool thing I like about my government name - so he turned Harrison into Hank and there ya go, the one and only Hank Little. You may have heard of him!

NPD: Uh… sorry, I haven't, actually.

B. LITTLE: Aw, figures. A lot of people these days haven't. And I get it, time goes on, culture moves on, I could tell people my gramps was the right-hand man to Benny Jackson on his famous radio show - you know who Benny Jackson is at least, right?

NPD: I've heard the name but I thought he was a variety show host from the '70s or something.

B. LITTLE: Damn. No, he was that rabbit who could make people keel over laughing by saying nothing at all. Very famous radio show, and my gramps played his best friend.

NPD: Hm. I gotta say, I wouldn't usually give a- care about radio-era celebrities, but that's actually kind of interesting.

B. LITTLE: Yup! He was a cool dude, and I'll take any chance I can get to make sure he isn't forgotten. Probably an uphill battle, but eh, who cares? Actually, he's probably gonna be best remembered for when he was an old man with nothing better to do, so Milt Sidney hit him up to be in some cartoons.

NPD: Really?

B. LITTLE: Mmhmm, Tome of the Tropical Forest, The Fancy Cats, and Adam Bell.

NPD: He was in those!?

B. LITTLE: Yup, and he was basically just playing himself all three times, that's how entertaining of a guy he was.

NPD: I… yeah, I guess the name checks out, you have the same last name as him, and come to think of it, your voice sounds familiar like a voice I heard in my childhood-

B. LITTLE: I've been told I'm a spitting image of the guy right down to my pipes. I'm grateful for it.

NPD: So… hm, I may actually have some sort of familiarity with this guy after all! Because everyone saw those movies as a kid, right?

B. LITTLE: Well, a lot of people. My old man didn't want us watching those movies - Sidney movies in general, he thought they'd make us sissies - but joke's on him, I wound up seeing two of the three anyway without even trying. Saw 'em in high school when my history teacher tried to pass them off as educational; this was right after VHSes became popular. Tome of the Tropical Forest was supposed to teach us about colonialism or something and why Gandhi was so pissed off, and Adam Bell was supposed to teach us about the Middle Ages or the Crusades or something like that. That guy liked using movies to teach things they barely had anything to do with; we think ol' teach had a lot of hangovers.

NPD: ...Okay, so, can we back up for a second?

B. LITTLE: Hey, be my guest.

NPD: So… did you say your dad didn't want you watching those movies?

B. LITTLE: Yeah, he thought that Sidney movies were for girls and they'd make us sissies.

NPD: But you said those three with your grandfather in particular?

B. LITTLE: Oh! Oh yeah, he hated his dad.

NPD: He did.

B. LITTLE: Did he ever. For the longest time I thought I was Baltimore Harrison Little, Jr., because that's what he told me, but then I found out who my grandfather was when I was… twelve? Or thereabouts. Our family was watching the Indy 500 one year and the guy who usually sings "Back Home Again in Indiana" was out that year, so Grampa filled in instead, but my dad was expecting the regular guy, so when he saw his dad show up on TV, he damn near had a seizure or something. Just flipped right out. Then he said fuck it and said, "Hey kids, this is actually your grandfather, and Baltimore, you're Baltimore the Third."

NPD: Dad didn't have a good relationship with his own dad, I presume?

B. LITTLE: Dad had no relationship with his own dad. You know how Hollywood marriages work; things weren't much different in the '30s. Hank knocked up an actress from Norway, married her, then unmarried her when the heat died down.

NPD: ...I guess Grampa wasn't as cool as he seemed.

B. LITTLE: Hey, I get it. He didn't want to have a kid, but he made a mistake and went through the motions to atone for it. Honestly, in his position, I'd've done the same thing. We got one life to live; if we aren't living for our own happiness first and foremost… then what we livin' for? Don't waste time with things that bum you out, y'know?

NPD: ...That's… that's an interesting take on what it means to be a responsible adult.

B. LITTLE: Hey, he fulfilled his responsibility! He paid his child support, with interest, so when Gramma Inger's own career dried up, she wasn't hurtin' for money. Gramps even bought them a house back in his hometown. Dad grew up never having to worry where his next meal was coming from, he just… y'know, he never saw his dad.

NPD: Never ever?

B. LITTLE: I mean, once in a while. That's one thing I wouldn't do like he did, honestly. Gramps almost never made the trip to Nashville to see him, especially after he got remarried - and this time, he enjoyed being married. You heard of Fay Allison?

NPD: Nope.

B. LITTLE: Well she was a big deal too back in her day. She's technically my step-gramma. But yeah, Hank and Fay honest-to-God loved each other in a way Hank and Inger never did, and they started a happy family without my dad ever being mentioned. Now… I'll defend the man's right to back out of a marriage he wasn't happy with, but c'mon man, parenting isn't just changing diapers and PTA meetings. There're cool things about being a dad, too - show up for those, man! I woulda at least been around a few times a year. Harry coulda counted on one hand the number of times he saw Hank. My brother and me're pretty sure our pop was such a mean son of a gun because he spent his entire life feeling like he was unwanted by his father - which, honestly, probably was the case and I'm not gonna defend that one - all the while being saddled with the guy's name. Like, jeez, Gramps, ya don't want the kid but you're still gonna brand him with your name? Like I said, I wanna be a lot like my gramps, but I know which details to leave behind, y'know.

NPD: ...So getting back on track, you mentioned your brother?

B. LITTLE: Who, Johnny? Is he who you wanted to talk about?

NPD: Yes, I- Wait, I, uh… I never introduced myself to you, did I?

B. LITTLE: Nope. Too busy having a good conversation!

NPD: Yes we were. So, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm with the Nottingham Police Department.

B. LITTLE: Johnny in trouble?

NPD: Eh, he might be. There're some… bandits, of sorts, who've been running around our city robbing rich people and giving it to poor people like a sort of vigilante charity operation.

B. LITTLE: Or like Adam Bell, fittingly enough. Is Johnny also playing the William of Cloudsley just like Hank did?

NPD: Well, if we have the right guy, he's definitely playing the sidekick.

B. LITTLE: Hey, better to be a sidekick than to not be included at all, right?

NPD: Sure. But to clarify, just because we think it's him doesn't mean it's actually him, alright? I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but I need you to know that this doesn't guarantee your brother's still alive as an underground criminal in Nottingham.

B. LITTLE: "Still alive"? ...Whaddaya mean by that?

NPD: ...I mean still alive. A-as opposed to being dead.

B. LITTLE: ...Was I supposed to think he was dead?

NPD: Well, it's very optimistic of you to think you're brother's still alive after being missing for seven years-

B. LITTLE: LITTLE JOHNNY WENT MISSING?

NPD: ...Did you not know that?

B. LITTLE: Jesus Christ, no! When'd he go missing?

NPD: ...May, 1998.

B. LITTLE: ...1998? ...Wow… that's… what, seven years?

NPD: Yup, that's what I said the first time. But… this could be a good transition: were you not aware that your brother's been missing because you've been regularly in contact with him all these years?

B. LITTLE: You kiddin'!? I haven't heard from him since we graduated high school and Dad kicked us both out of the house!

NPD: ...Wait, really?

B. LITTLE: Yeah, and that was… what, twenty years ago? I always just assumed he was living his own life and didn't want anything to do with us anymore.

NPD: Oh… oh, this is awkward. I guess people in your family really don't like keeping in touch, huh? Between your grandfather and your brother-

B. LITTLE: And Ma barely talks to me now because she doesn't approve of my pleasure-seeking lifestyle. Hey, when Johnny went missing, did they call her to tell her?

NPD: I don't have a record of that, but I assume they must have.

B. LITTLE: Welp, guess she just didn't want to tell me. Hey, they say our species is anti-social - that ain't true for a lot of us, but for some of us? Hoo boy, guilty as charged for most of my family besides me.

NPD: Okay, so… I was supposed to follow a format for this, but we got off-track and now I'm all mixed up.

B. LITTLE: Hey, sorry about that.

NPD: Oh, no, you're fine. You're fine, um… not to mention, you're still way better than the last lady I had to talk to. Straight up called me a mongrel.

B. LITTLE: Ooh… isn't that a racial thing?

NPD: It is sometimes, but she was saying it about Americans in general.

B. LITTLE: Where was this lady from?

NPD: England.

B. LITTLE: Aw, that's just the British being British. They all think they're the best at everything. That's the only line I remember from when they made us read Lord of the Flies in high school. But, uh, hey, I got a question about Johnny.

NPD: Oh, please.

B. LITTLE: How is he a wanted suspect if he's legally missing?

NPD: Uh, well, long story short, that's why I'm calling you. If we can find friends and family who confirm that their relations are still alive somewhere, that'll give credence to the idea that it's them and that they've just been living underground lives somewhere. In your brother's case, it helps that the reports of the criminal activity he's been attached to started basically around the same time he went missing, plus he matches the description of the brown bear in the group.

B. LITTLE: Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, Johnny's… he stands out.

NPD: Yeah, he is a big guy…

B. LITTLE: ...Uh, that's… that's not what I meant. And that's not him.

NPD: ...I'm sorry?

B. LITTLE: Honey, my brother's a little dude.

NPD: ...Oh! Is this one of those bear things where you guys consider eight feet tall to still be small?

B. LITTLE: Eight feet tall? No, I'm eight feet tall. Johnny wasn't even five feet tall. Maybe not even four and a half.

NPD: ...What?

B. LITTLE: I toldja, he was a little guy! I mean, he wasn't a regular midget, because he didn't look like a midget with a gigantic head or whatever, he just looked like… he looked like a little kid. He looked like he was still eight when he was eighteen.

NPD: ...Alright, now I'm wondering whether we have the right guy. I-I'm gonna read through the info we have on him and you tell me if it sounds right, okay?

B. LITTLE: Sure. Ya got me curious now, too.

NPD: Okay, so… maybe this is where we went wrong, he's got a really common name, right? What's John Little's middle name?

B. LITTLE: Um… shit, I forget, um… gimme a sec… can I have the first letter?

NPD: …"E"?

B. LITTLE: Edmund! Right, that was Gramma's dad's name!

NPD: Okay, so that checks out. And he's a grizzly bear…

B. LITTLE: I mean, we're technically not grizzlies, maybe a little bit, but who's counting?

NPD: But he has brown fur, right?

B. LITTLE: Yup. He got brown from Ma, I got gray from Dad.

NPD: Hm, interesting. Um… born ten-eighteen-sixty-seven?

B. LITTLE: That's our birthday, yes.

NPD: ...You're twins?

B. LITTLE: To the disbelief of many, yes. And I'm grateful that I got the genes I got, no disrespect to Johnny.

NPD: Oh… oh, yeah, I see your file now, I didn't notice the DOBs were the same. Uh… born in Nashville, Tennessee?

B. LITTLE: Yessum.

NPD: Raised in Mount Juliet, Tennessee.

B. LITTLE: You got it.

NPD: Moved to Nottingham in 1986.

B. LITTLE: Sounds about right.

NPD: Son of Baltimore and, uh… how do you-?

B. LITTLE: Philomena?

NPD: Yeah. That's another match. And that just leaves one major piece of data…

B. LITTLE: ...Which is?

NPD: ...Eight-foot-one, eight-forty-four.

B. LITTLE: ...And you're absolutely sure that you didn't mix my stats up with his? Because that sounds like me. Everything but the name matches me, too. I mean, I ain't stepped on a scale in years, but Johnny ain't eight-one and someone as short as him would probably be dead if they weighed eight-forty-four.

NPD: ...I mean, I can't disagree with that-

B. LITTLE: You're sure you're not mixing us up? We're twins, ain't we?

NPD: No, I'm not sure, but I am sure that someone else at this department just finished interviewing the county sheriff - and the chief of police, they're the same person now, don't ask - and he could swear on a bible that it's your brother, and so could a lot of other people in this city.

B. LITTLE: What can I say? You got the wrong guy. I could barely buy that the Johnny I know had the self-confidence to even be a career criminal like you're saying he is, but now you're telling me he grew three and a half feet after turning eighteen? And wound up exactly the same size as me? That doesn't happen… does it?

NPD: I don't know… But I'm looking at a scan of his most recent driver's license. "Little, John E., ten-eighteen-sixty-seven, issued ten-seven-ninety-seven, 8105 North Indianapolis Avenue, Garden South, Nottingham, D-E, one-nine-blah-blah-blah… eyes: brown, hair: brown-slash-brown, height… oh-eight, oh-one, weight eight-four-four."

B. LITTLE: Nope. Not my little brother.

NPD: ...I thought he was your twin, not your younger brother.

B. LITTLE: I didn't call him my younger brother, now did I?

NPD: Well… alright, unless you have something else you'd like to tell me about your brother, we can wrap things up here.

B. LITTLE: What, we're done talkin' already?

NPD: I mean, the only thing I really need to do is ask you - officially - have you had any contact with your brother since 1998?

B. LITTLE: Nope. Didn't even know that it woulda been a big deal if I had. Didn't even know I was supposed to think he was dead.

NPD: Alright, and just to cover our a- cover our ends, end, I gotta say that this is not a legally binding interview but it may become one later if we find out later that you either withheld important information about your brother during this interview or outright gave us false information during this interview-

B. LITTLE: That's how they getcha, ain't it? Tell ya at the top that there aren't any rules to follow, then judge you later over whether you decided to play it by the books anyway.

NPD: I mean, I guess. So no more information you wanna tell us?

B. LITTLE: How much more do you want outta me, his blood type?

NPD: That might be extremely useful, actually, if we find bloodstains that we might be able to use for evidence.

B. LITTLE: Well I dunno his blood type.

NPD: Aren't you twins?

B. LITTLE: I don't know my own blood type either.

NPD: Oh…kay then. So I guess that'll be all Mr. Little-

B. LITTLE: Babe, I toldja, knock it off with the government names! You can call me Baloo.

NPD: ...Well, Mr. Balloon, for one thing, it's not the nineteen-thirties anymore and you don't get to just go around calling women "babe"-

B. LITTLE: Aw, you know I didn't mean anything by it!

NPD: No, I don't, and actually if you didn't realize why that's not a very nice way to treat women, that's arguably worse than if you meant to sound like you were hitting on me over the phone.

B. LITTLE: Which I wasn't doing! I wouldn't even want to hit on you with an attitude like that!

NPD: Nice to know you're afraid to stand up to women who have the guts to stand up for themselves. But luckily for you I'm still pissed off at the last lady and I don't have the energy to tell you off.

B. LITTLE: Well, babe, just like I toldja, my gramps was a great guy! And I'm tryna bring his swagger and style back into a modern world where everyone's a bummer and we could seriously use someone like him these days!

NPD: Oh, how was your grampa a great guy!? Did he save lives? Did he- did he, did he lead people to the promised land!? Di-did he help the poor!? ...Wait, bad example…

B. LITTLE: He taught people the importance of lightening up and having some goddamn fun for once in their miserable lives, a lesson clearly nobody's ever taught you! It might not have been the most esteemed line of work, but it was important work and he did it well, and I've made it my life's mission to follow in his footsteps! Ya don't hafta admire me, but ya gotta respect the-

NPD: How good was your grandfather if he made your father an asshole?

B. LITTLE: ...And I'll be the first to admit that that's a black eye on his character. That's why I'm tryna improve on the model he set!

NPD: So speaking of your dad, we can't find any contact information on him. Is he still living with your mom, or-?

B. LITTLE: He's not still living, period.

NPD: Ah, I see. Uh… s-sorry, for your… loss?

B. LITTLE: Oh, it's no problem.

NPD: Hence my hesitance to say that. But alright, you're good to go, Mister… sir.

B. LITTLE: Mister Sir? Heh, now that can be my stage name! Well, hey, [REDACTED], was it?

NPD: Mmhmm.

B. LITTLE: Well, [REDACTED], it was nice talking to you before you went all PC Police on me. And if you see my brother, tell him ol' Baloo'd love to see him again! I always loved the little guy, I just never… got him. He was always so shy and quiet and boring. Just couldn't relate to him. But we're grown ups now, so maybe we can put that aside and find things in common.

NPD: Well, I don't plan to ever speak to this individual-

B. LITTLE: And also if you see him, tell him if Dad was right and he really is gay, it's all copacetic with me. I don't have time for all that hate, it's just a bummer. And you know how much I hate bummers. The only thing we have to hate is hate itself.

NPD: ...Did you just say "copacetic"?

B. LITTLE: Yeah, it's an old-school term I'm trying to bring back.

NPD: Yeah, that's not even from the right… era…

B. LITTLE: Now I don't wanna be a square, but I gotta say, I'm an expert on this stuff. I'm not so sure about you.

NPD: ...You know what? If you ever see yourself in a mirror, tell yourself that the whole "bringing back retro" thing's been tried before, it doesn't work, it's not gonna stick, nobody could pull it off, not you or anybody else, so do yourself a favor and get with the times and stop calling women "honey" and "sweetheart" and "babe" unless your eyes like the taste of pepper spray.

B. LITTLE: You really aren't talking flatteringly of your gender if you think most women would be as hysterical as you in a-

NPD: No, the lady I just talked to before you? She was a negative stereotype of a hysterical woman. But most of us can pull it together and stand up to creeps like you who think it's charming to act like you're from the segregation era. Bye asshole. Fucking redne-

END OF RECORDING

Document 10

Respondent: LITTLE, PHILOMENA
Relation to suspect: MOTHER (LITTLE)
Place of residence: MT. JULIET, TN
Time of recording: 6:37 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

P. LITTLE: Uh… hello?

NPD: Good evening, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling from the Nottingham Police Department in Delaware. I'm trying to find a… Fuh-lom-in-uh Little?

P. LITTLE: Philomena Little. Speaking. What, uh, what is your business calling me?

NPD: Ms. Little, this is regarding one of your sons. To be sure, you are the mother of John Edmund Little, correct?

P. LITTLE: Yeah… what, did you guys find his body or something?

NPD: (muttered under breath) Oh Jesus Christ, not this again…

P. LITTLE: I beg your pardon?

NPD: No, no, um- we don't think he's deceased, quite the opposite actually. Except now I just got off the phone with your other son, Baltimore, and now I'm… now we're confused. May I explain?

P. LITTLE: Please do.

NPD: So… as I'm sure you're aware, your son John went missing in Nottingham in… May of 1998. You knew that, right?

P. LITTLE: Well of course I knew that, I'm his mother!

NPD: Well in my defense, ma'am, your other son didn't know anything about his brother being missing.

P. LITTLE: And why should I have told him? If he wants to go run off to a cabin in the woods in West Virginia and live in poverty with that dothead panther just so he can escape responsibility, well, I'd hate to ruin his little pursuit of happiness with some sad news about his brother who wanted nothing to do with anybody in this family anyway.

NPD: Oookay then, that was a lot to take in. But anyway, so he went missing in 1998. Ever since then, there've been reports of… bandits, of sorts, I guess you can call them, running around town and robbing rich people to give it out to poor people. And one of the bandits matches the description of your son, who again, went missing right before these activities first started being reported, so the times all line up. Are you with me so far?

P. LITTLE: ...You think Johnny's in a gang of thieves?

NPD: Except there's one thing.

P. LITTLE: Which is?

NPD: ...The bear bandit matches the description of the version of John we have in our records, but neither of those line up with how your other son remembers him. So… what's this we're hearing that the real John Little had dwarfism?

P. LITTLE: ...I mean, it wasn't clinical dwarfism, his pediatricians just said he was being artificially stunted by something and couldn't figure out what, he looked like a little kid instead of a midget, but eh, same difference I guess. Why? What do you mean that doesn't match the other records?

NPD: The descriptions of the suspect… and the records we have for a John Edmund Little born in Nashville in October of '67… both say he's… well, definitely not little. Eight-foot-one. Does that… does that sound even possible to you?

P. LITTLE: You're sure you don't have his brother's records? Because they're non-identical twins and I think that's about as tall as he is.

NPD: He had the same theory, but… it's confusing because everything else lines up except for… that. I mean, there's no way he… had a gigantic growth spurt after moving out from home?

P. LITTLE: ...Actually…

NPD: Oh, now what?

P. LITTLE: It sounds crazy, but someone out there would say it's possible.

NPD: ...H-how!?

P. LITTLE: So… this once, a strange man called, asking about my husband's father. Husband wasn't home, so I fielded the questions myself. Y'see, my husband's father was some sort of-

NPD: Radio… era… celebrity?

P. LITTLE: ...You know of him?

NPD: Only in the last, like, twenty minutes after your son told me all about him.

P. LITTLE: Oh, alright, so I can skip that part. But this guy was apparently a hobbyist of old radio-era things and people, so he was compiling info for a website - this was in the early days of the internet - and he wanted to check how Hank Little, Jr., and his family were doing for a biography page on Hank, Sr. - my husband would kill me if he heard me call him Hank, Jr., but he'll never know. And then at a certain point he asks if there's any truth to the origin of the Little family last name. And I just thought that it was always either irony or a case of ursine men giving each other pure hell for not being big enough. But he says no, it's from a genetic quirk. This guy - I don't know where he heard this from, he didn't clarify - but he heard that the paternal line of the Little family were really, really… really late bloomers. Apparently still going through puberty into their early twenties. And he thought that made sense since there were no records of Hank, Sr., doing anything noteworthy until he was almost thirty, so as far as anybody knew, he'd always been normal-sized. So this guy asks if we can confirm that based on whether my husband and sons were incredibly late bloomers too, and I tell him no, my husband and my one son got plenty big plenty fast and I have photos to prove it, and as for Johnny… it's not that he was a late bloomer, it's that he just never bloomed. And he seemed disappointed because he thought he'd just cracked a little-known secret about a… somewhat significant person, and I never thought about it again. But now that I'm thinking about it… maybe it just skipped a generation? No, that can't… that can't be, right? Johnny couldn't've… basically doubled in size after his eighteenth birthday, could he have?

NPD: ...Okay, so, while you were talking - don't worry, I was still listening - I had the thought to pull up more of John's old driver's licenses, because that's what we've been using to get his details, his most recent one I mean… and I don't know how nobody noticed this, but every single year from when he moved here in 1986 until… 1994, it looks like… it looks like he updated his driver's license whether it was expiring or not, and every year, his listed height and weight went up.

P. LITTLE: ...Really?

NPD: I can hardly believe this either, but I'm looking right at it. And you can see the progression in the photos, and it sure doesn't look like those numbers changing is an accident. Looks like one year he grew almost a foot and gained over a hundred pounds - for anybody else, gaining a hundred pounds would be a tragedy, but for a stunted grizzly bear, I can imagine it would've felt like a gift from heaven. And I'm looking at his first Delaware license from '86 and, yeah, just like you and your other son said about him, he looks like a little kid. Still kinda has the cutesy teddy-bear-face thing going on in his latest photo from '97, but he definitely looks like an adult now, and you can see in his shoulders and stuff that he's clearly a lot bigger than he used to be… Honestly, looking at this progression, I would've honestly thought he was a clever kid who ran away from home and pretended to be an adult with a fake birth certificate making him ten years older than he actually was.

P. LITTLE: (murmuring unintelligibly)

NPD: You alright, ma'am?

P. LITTLE: I'm just thinking, wow, maybe that weird radio historian guy was right… It's a good thing Harry isn't ever gonna hear about this, he'd refuse to accept that he carried such a gene - you know how prideful big men are about their size. Especially in my people's community.

NPD: Well aware. So with this, uh… revelation, are you now under the impression that, uh… that this guy we're looking for could be your son?

P. LITTLE: Hm… after that, I don't know what to believe anymore. If Johnny… literally transformed into an entirely different person, I guess anything's possible. Because the version I know would never turn to a life of crime. I… I don't want to speak ill of my own son, but he just wouldn't've had the guts to do it.

NPD: His brother said much the same thing. But as I told him, we've got respected authorities in this town looking at his last known picture and swearing on all their worth that he's the bear they saw along with… jeez, are we looking for a circus sideshow?

P. LITTLE: What was that?

NPD: Nothing, nothing, just, uh… thinking out loud. Because his main accomplice is actually a fox who had the opposite problem, apparently this other guy's five feet tall and- I just got off the phone with the other guy's stepdad and apparently raising him in a town full of foxes was like raising Paul Bunyan; then he left for a place with a lot more species diversity and now he's not so big anymore, he's just a freak. So our main two suspects are a fox and a bear, a dwarf who was once a giant and a giant who was once a dwarf. Pardon the expression, but a circus sideshow.

P. LITTLE: Uh… yeah, I guess so.

NPD: So what I need from you is this, Mrs. Little: I need to ask you one specific question. And I need to clarify that this is not a formal interview, we can't legally make you answer the question, but if we later find out you had information about your son that could have helped us but you either withheld it or straight up lied to us, we can use this interview as evidence to charge you with obstruction of justice. Alright?

P. LITTLE: ...Is this being recorded?

NPD: Yes it is.

P. LITTLE: I don't recall giving you permission to record me.

NPD: I'm gonna be blunt with you, ma'am; that was never your decision to make. But we're almost done-

P. LITTLE: What's preventing me from hanging up the phone?

NPD: The knowledge that we're the police and we can call you back again and again and again until you answer, and if you refuse to pick up the phone then we can get in cahoots with the cops in, uh, Mount… Juliet, to pay you a visit in-person with the knowledge that you refused to answer a simple question for the police.

P. LITTLE: ...What's the question?

NPD: Since he went missing in May of 1998, have you been in contact with your son, making you aware that he was alive despite legally being missing?

P. LITTLE: No, ma'am. Haven't heard from him at all since his father kicked the boys out of the house.

NPD: Oh, you too? His brother said the same thing.

P. LITTLE: Yeah, Johnny took his frustrations with his father out on all of us. I always did my best to show my sons equal love, but I guess it wasn't good enough for that little drama queen.

NPD: I see. And I hope this question isn't too upsetting, but just to confirm, your husband is deceased?

P. LITTLE: That is correct. And I doubt he would have had any contact with Johnny after he went missing. Harry was a little too okay with his son disappearing. When he heard the news, he didn't move a muscle, Johnny was already dead to him. Even if Johnny somehow called home from a payphone in Nottingham and Harry answered, I… I honestly wouldn't be shocked if Harry would've just hung up on him.

NPD: I guess you just can't force some men to be good fathers, huh?

P. LITTLE: He tried with our other son, but that boy was just too much of a slacker. Having all the physicality Harry wanted in a son didn't make up for the boy refusing to value hard work. And if Harry were here, he'd probably say he had no regrets about missing out on a good relationship with Johnny - because he wanted a big boy, not a little girl. And it's a shame, because when I realized I was pregnant, he was really excited to be a good father to his sons like his father never was to him, and he had all these elaborate thoughts about how great his sons would be… but I guess when he realized that his sons weren't going to turn out exactly as he wanted, he lost interest fast and never looked back.

NPD: Sounds about on-par for a lot of old-fashioned men I know.

P. LITTLE: Yeah, he honestly just found Johnny to be an embarrassment to his manliness. And I'm living all on my own now, and sometimes I wish I weren't so alone, but then I remember: I tried having a family once, and it went very, very badly. I don't need to do that again.

NPD: Well, I'm sorry things don't always turn out according to plan. But hey, I gotta say, you've been handling this all pretty well considering the circumstances.

P. LITTLE: Eh, Johnny already wanted me to forget him, so fine, I forgot him. It took me a while to… to get over that feeling of betrayal… and heartbreak-

NPD: (extremely faint murmuring) Aw, Jesus Fucking Christ…

P. LITTLE: -but you know what? If that ungrateful little son of a bitch wants to pretend his momma never existed after all I did for him, then fine, I'll grant him his wish. The coward. That's another reason I never told his brother about him going missing; there was nothing to tell.

NPD: Well… through all that, you still seem like one of the more well-adjusted people I've spoken to today. By the way, do you still keep in contact with your other son?

P. LITTLE: Once in a while, but I never talk to him for long or the conversation turns to him asking for more of his father's money.

NPD: Well the next time you talk to him, can you ask him not to go around calling women "sweethearts" and "honeys" and "babes"?

P. LITTLE: Oh, that's just him trying to emulate his stupid grandfather, the same one who made his own father a mean son of a bitch. I know it sounds ridiculous to say, but woman to woman, I assure you, I have it on good authority that he's not a sexist jerk, he's just really… really stupid.

NPD: Well, if you say so. Alright, so unless you have any other questions for me, I think we're good here. Did you have any questions?

P. LITTLE: I think I'm satisfied for now.

NPD: Alright, in that case, you have yourself a good night now.

P. LITTLE: Thanks, you too.

NPD: Fucking self-hating redneck woman-

END OF RECORDING

Document 11

Respondent: O'MALLEY, THOMAS
Relation to suspect: ROOMMATE (LITTLE)
Place of residence: FENWICK ISLAND, DE
Time of recording: 6:59 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

O'MALLEY: Who's calling me from the police station?

NPD: Finally, someone who lives in the twenty-first century with caller ID…

O'MALLEY: Is this a cop or is this someone I know who needs bail?

NPD: If I was someone you knew, wouldn't you recognize my voice?

O'MALLEY: Hey, I can't remember all my clients.

NPD: ...Clients?

O'MALLEY: Whaddaya need?

NPD: I need to talk to a Mr. Thomas O'Malley.

O'MALLEY: You're already there, sweetheart.

NPD: ...Okay. So my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling on behalf of the Nottingham City and County Poli-

O'MALLEY: Oh, heaven help me, I'm not behind on my child support!

NPD: ...Huh?

O'MALLEY: I haven't messed up again in three years! I made my mistake that one time and I haven't done it again! And if they want more money out of me, then tell the girls at the club to tip more!

NPD: ...What in the-?

O'MALLEY: Who was it that told you I was delinquent in my payments!? Was it Tina?

NPD: ...N-no-

O'MALLEY: Gina?

NPD: No, it-

O'MALLEY: I know, Lena!

NPD: (breathing into phone)

O'MALLEY: ...Sabrina?

NPD: ...Mr. O'Malley, I wasn't calling about you and your… activities. I'm calling about one of your old roommates.

O'MALLEY: Hm, which one?

NPD: A certain John Little.

O'MALLEY: ...Oh, the one who ran away!

NPD: Ran away?

O'MALLEY: Yeah, I got home that day and found out he took a bunch of food and stuff from our apartment. Pots and pans and stuff, toilet paper, toothpaste and toothbrushes and soap… towels, blankets… stuff like that. Gotta wonder how he carried it all.

NPD: He wouldn't have informed you as to where he was running off to, would he have?

O'MALLEY: Nope. Mystery to me to this day. Why, did you guys find him or something?

NPD: Uh… kind of. We may have, that's why we're calling you.

O'MALLEY: Whaddaya got for me?

NPD: So Mr. Little went missing around May of 1998; almost immediately afterward, reports started coming in of a band of thieves targeting rich people to give away the money as charity. And wouldn't you know it, one of them is a brown bear who matches Little's description perfectly… we think.

O'MALLEY: You think?

NPD: Now, we have access to a lot of information, but we don't know when exactly you two met and moved in together.

O'MALLEY: Well, I met him around the same time I moved in with him, I needed a roommate and he answered the ad. So I'd say… '92? Late '92? Why?

NPD: So… I just got off the phone with his mom and his brother, who he cut off contact with, and they say he was… basically a dwarf. But after making some discoveries with them and looking through the old driver's licenses of his that we have on file, we're starting to get the impression that this guy was… a ridiculously late bloomer? Like he kept adding inches and pounds to his driver's license every year until he was… twenty-seven? So to make sure we have the right guy, I gotta ask, did he… did he seem to get bigger in the first… few years you knew him?

O'MALLEY: ...Y'know, I thought that was what was happening back then, but I just kept thinking I was just going crazy or something. Because… I've definitely never heard of anybody still growing that much that late.

NPD: Me neither, but now that we have your word that that may well have happened to him and you saw it with your own eyes, I think it's safe to move forward with the idea that this is the right guy.

O'MALLEY: Jeez, I hope I didn't say anything legally binding, because I didn't agree to that.

NPD: Not yet you haven't.

O'MALLEY: Oh, this sounds like fun…

NPD: So now that I have the preliminary information I needed to make sure the question I was supposed to ask wasn't a complete waste of time, I have one very specific question to ask you. And this isn't a formal interview so none of this is immediately legally binding, but if we later have reason to believe that you were withholding useful information about John Little or just outright feeding us lies, we can hold that against you as impeding justice. Make sense?

O'MALLEY: ...So what you're saying is… it's not legally binding… unless I lie to you.

NPD: I mean, if you wanna be a smart a- if you wanna be a smart aleck about it.

O'MALLEY: You were gonna say "smart ass", weren't you?

NPD: Yes. So have you had any contact with John Little since he went missing in 1998 that would have made you aware that he was secretly alive this whole time?

O'MALLEY: Ma'am, no, ma'am, I have not. I don't even think about him that often, if I'm being honest. And yeah, that actually leaves me with a question for you.

NPD: Go for it.

O'MALLEY: Why are you calling me of all people?

NPD: Besides the mother and brother he already cut contact with, you were his closest relationship.

O'MALLEY: Hm… I wanna say that's sad, but knowing what I remember about the guy, I can't say that surprises me. Guy was weird, don't think he had any real friends. But then again, you know how antisocial bears are. Hell, I think the poor guy might've even been a vir- I don't think he'd ever even been with a woman, and now that I know he wasn't even a full-grown adult until… hell, until after I met him, apparently… that makes too much sense. A guy who looks that young won't be gaining the camaraderie of many guys and won't be catching the eye of many women.

NPD: I don't really need to know this-

O'MALLEY: I'm sorry, I'm oversharing.

NPD: No, I was about to say, even though I don't need to know this, I'll still listen because I've got nothing better to do. I still have a few hours left on my shift, and you're one of the easier people I've had to talk to tonight.

O'MALLEY: Hm, good to know. But I wasn't gonna say anything important, just that he was weird and antisocial - I didn't hate him, I just couldn't relate to him.

NPD: If I didn't know better, I'd think you and his brother were the same person. He said basically the same thing, and he kinda had similar speech patterns to you.

O'MALLEY: ...Now you got me thinking about the guy… I honestly think he was afraid of women.

NPD: Really?

O'MALLEY: Actually? Scratch that. He was afraid of people in general. And he acted like a big angry bear so nobody would realize that deep down he was actually terrified all the time. He never talked about his past - or his personal life in general, I guess - but if he cut his family out of his life, maybe they fu- excuse me, maybe they messed him up in some way. He wouldn't be the first one. Honestly, I feel bad for him. I did then and I still do now. Living as an underground criminal can't be a very sociable life.

NPD: Well he's part of a crew, we think, that has at least one other constant member, so as much as I don't like these guys for fu- shit, now it's my turn to almost swear; as much as-

O'MALLEY: Ah, now you said "shit"!

NPD: Hm… got me there. But yeah, as much as I shouldn't feel bad for these disgusting monsters… I wouldn't wish a lifetime of complete and unending loneliness on my worst enemy. Hopefully him and this fox he's hanging out with at least get along well.

O'MALLEY: And I gotta say, I tried to be his friend, but he was just so guarded all the time. Plus I was always busy with my clients.

NPD: Clients for what?

O'MALLEY: ...Now that's something that's not even remotely relevant to the conversation about ol' Johnny!

NPD: Okay, okay, that's fair. But I'm all about satisfied with this conversation, so unless you have any other questions…?

O'MALLEY: Not a question, just a statement.

NPD: Please.

O'MALLEY: ...I really don't think he's your guy, honestly.

NPD: Who, Little?

O'MALLEY: Mmhmm. He's just too timid. He wouldn't be the type to survive as a career criminal. And I believe people can change to a certain degree, but… not that much.

NPD: Once again you're echoing his brother. Are you sure you're not the same person as him?

O'MALLEY: I dunno, does his brother also get told he looks like Tony the Tiger?

NPD: I, uh… I forgot to ask.

O'MALLEY: Understandable. Uh… am I good to go?

NPD: I mean… I could ask you a question, too.

O'MALLEY: Uh… sure, what's up?

NPD: Did you perchance move out of the city to the coast because the beach towns aren't as eager to enforce laws preventing you from doing "business" with your "clients"?

O'MALLEY: ...Why would I answer that question?

NPD: Because ever since the city-county police merger, Rehoboth and Bethany and Fenwick are our jurisdiction, too.

(After a brief silence, O'Malley can be heard fumbling the phone before the call is disconnected.)

END OF RECORDING

Document 12a

Respondent: SCARLETT, ROBERT
Relation to suspect: FATHER/ILLEGITIMATE (HOOD)
Place of residence: SHEFFIELD, GB
Time of recording: 7:11 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

SCARLETT: Who the hell is calling at this hour!?

NPD: Good evening, my name is [REDACTED] and I'm calling from the Nottingham Police Department in Delaware-

SCARLETT: What business does a constabulary in the States have to do with me!? Do you have any idea what time it is!?

NPD: Yes, sir, now is the time we had an opportunity to call you and we're not going to wait any longer.

SCARLETT: Well I have no interest in speaking with you! Goodnight!

NPD: Wait, sir-!

(Scarlett hangs up the phone and the call is disconnected.)

END OF RECORDING

Document 12b

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it goes to voicemail.)

VOICE MAILBOX GREETING: Please leave your message for-

NPD: Goddammit!

END OF RECORDING

Document 12c

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it goes to voicemail.)

VOICE MAILBOX GREETING: Please leave your message-

NPD: ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE!

END OF RECORDING

Document 12d

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it is answered and immediately hung up again.)

END OF RECORDING

Document 12e

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

SCARLETT: You will stop calling me at once! Do you understand me!? It's past midnight and I've already told you I have no interest in speaking with you! If you continue to keep harassing me at this hour, I'll call the police!

NPD: Dude, we are the police! Did you listen the first time!?

SCARLETT: You're police in a faraway city in a foreign land! You have no authority here!

NPD: We're police in your country's closest ally, remember?

SCARLETT: If you knew anything about Britain's foriegn relations, you'd know we much prefer the Canadians and New Zealand!

NPD: Well we're still pretty high up there and I guarantee you that your country's police will cooperate with us if we tell them that you're refusing to cooperate with us.

SCARLETT: What on earth could you possibly want from me? I don't have time to be bothered like this! Do you know who I am!?

NPD: Yup, you're the father of a suspected wanted criminal.

SCARLETT: ...Ah. So you've finally found William, have you?

NPD: Nope. Not William. Robert, Jr. Robert Hood.

SCARLETT: ...Oh, nonono. You've the wrong man. I'm not that boy's father, I merely raised him right. The man you're looking for is a bloke named Oliver-

NPD: -Chase, who told us that he was the boy's stepfather and his real father was you.

SCARLETT: ...It was not his place to tell you that.

NPD: But he did.

SCARLETT: So he has. And he'll pay for it in due time, but at this moment, he is not relevant to this conversation. What can I inform you about the Hood boy?

NPD: ...So are you his father or not?

SCARLETT: If that's all you've called to ask me, I've already provided an answer to your question. If your rubbish American education has left you unable to infer the answer, that does not-

NPD: No, no, that's not what I called to ask, I just wanted you to get into the habit of giving me straightforward answers before we get to the important topics.

SCARLETT: I'll consent to participate in this conversation, but I'm going to do it on my own terms and conditions. And quite frankly, my dear, you shouldn't want to speak with someone so uncreative as to give you simple yeses and noes instead of a more well-thought answer.

NPD: ...Neat. So anyway, we think that Robert Hood might be the mysterious entity who's arguably the most wanted criminal in the city.

SCARLETT: ...Is that so? Was the boy not presumed to be dead?

NPD: He was never legally declared dead, and it's looking like it was a good thing the DC police never did, because now we've got someone running around town robbing people who showed up roughly around the time Hood went missing and perfectly matches his physical description - and given what I've heard about your bloodline, Mr. Scarlett, there probably aren't a lot of foxes running around Planet Earth who can be confused for your son by their appearance.

SCARLETT: Hm… not many, to be sure, but there is one who could be said to resemble him.

NPD: There is?

SCARLETT: Yes… my other son.

NPD: ...Oh… William, was it?

SCARLETT: The very same… There- there aren't any reports of criminals matching his description, have you?

NPD: So… the short answer is no…

SCARLETT: Understood.

NPD: The long answer is… we could be wrong about it being Hood. It could be him, it could be… it could be William, it could be someone else altogether. May I ask- so Hood stands out because he's listed as four-foot-ten and reports of this guy always describe him as about five feet tall. Would William… would have have been a similar size?

SCARLETT: Er… yes and no. He received the Scarlett family genes but he certainly isn't pushing five feet. Or wasn't… I-I'm sorry, there have only been reports of one large fox in your city?

NPD: One fox period, unfortunately. I'm sorry, sir.

SCARLETT: I- I apologize, I may have misunderstood, do you mean to say there's only one known wanted criminal fox in your entire city? Is the American Nottingham much smaller than I thought?

NPD: Oh! Oh, I… I'm sorry, I forgot to clarify, this is specific to a certain… gang of thieves that Hood is thought to be a part of, if not the leader of.

SCARLETT: Hrm… the Scarletts do make good leaders of men, sounds about right… I had been curious how a petty thief could be your city's most wanted criminal. Seems rather tame by the standards of crime in American cities.

NPD: Well this city's crime culture is weird because we're a really young city so we don't have long-entrenched mafia roots or hardcore historical segregation like a lot of more problematic cities do - we still do have those problems, but not as bad as an older city. But this guy - who, to reiterate, may or may not be one of your sons - he's bordering on being a domestic terrorist.

SCARLETT: How so?

NPD: They specifically target the most powerful people and give the stuff they steal to poor people like vigilante charity. That qualifies as a political statement, and with a political motive, that can be argued to be terrorism. I'm surprised they haven't just branded them as terrorists yet, but that's not something I have a say in.

SCARLETT: They target the rich and powerful, do they? Hrm… that certainly sounds like something William would do. Are you… I'm sorry, are you certain there's no chance there's actually two large foxes and they simply are only seen one at a time?

NPD: I mean… sure, that's possible, but we're not thinking that's likely.

SCARLETT: I see.

NPD: But in the interest of full disclosure… there- there had been reports of two large foxes in the early years, but… there haven't been reports of multiple foxes in years.

SCARLETT: ...How many years?

NPD: Uh… I can check… 2000?

SCARLETT: ...So I see. Well it surely was unlikely that it was ever my William anyway, America's a big place and I'm sure there are plenty of foxes there and there's surely another fox nearly the Hood boy's size kicking about somewhere over there. Besides, surely this second large fox didn't also have an English accent?

NPD: Uh… so he was often seen with an American-flag-pattern bandana, but… people who heard them speak said, uh... bo-both the foxes were British... yes. Um-

SCARLETT: That's my William.

NPD: Yeah, I- I, uh, I realized I might have been coming across, uh.. sensitive information ha- uh, halfway through saying all that…

SCARLETT: He always had a love affair with American culture… and he always did want to be closer to that strange Hood boy who was always over at our house…

NPD: Mr. Scarlett, I'm so sorry-

SCARLETT: No, no, I've come to terms with it years ago. The boy made his choices and I must accept them. He was an adult and he was entitled to have made his own decisions, and that includes exercising his right to disappear. I've been thinking of the boy in the past tense for years now; this changes nothing.

NPD: Sir, for what it's worth, there used to be reports of five individuals, in the last few years it's only been two, and of the other three, we did eventually find one of them and arrested him for entirely unrelated crimes, so there's still a possibility that he just fell away from the group and, uh… did… something else while, uh, living off the grid-

SCARLETT: Well, have you records of him in your prison system?

NPD: ...We don't.

SCARLETT: ...So it must be. But I wish to apologize for my… classless behavior earlier, I hadn't expected this phone call could be so… enlightening.

NPD: Oh, it's no problem, I know it's gotta be annoying to get a phone call from a stranger in the dead of night. We got off to a rocky start, but you might still be one of the… one of the easier people to talk to once we got into it, out of all the people I've had to talk to so far.

SCARLETT: Well I thank you for the compliment and tenfold more for the closure you've given me about my son. While it brings me no joy to know that the Scarlett family name will die with me, my wife, and whichever of my daughters never get married, I've known that on some level for years. What was your name again, miss?

NPD: [REDACTED]

SCARLETT: [REDACTED], it's been a pleasure talking to you; thank you for all that you've done. Please do have a good night now.

NPD: Wait, I-

END OF RECORDING

Document 12f

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it goes to voicemail.)

VOICE MAILBOX GREETING: Please leave your message for-

NPD: I wasn't done yet!

END OF RECORDING

Document 12g

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it goes to voicemail.)

VOICE MAILBOX GREETING: Please leave your-

NPD: DID YOU HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND RUN AWAY!?

END OF RECORDING

Document 12h

(NPD is attempting to call Robert Scarlett again. The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

SCARLETT: What the hell is wrong with you!? We were finished conversing and I bid you a good night! Now good-!

NPD: I never said we were finished, now did I!? And I'm the one here representing a higher authority!

SCARLETT: What more could you possibly want from me!?

NPD: To answer the question I called you to ask. The one with legal implications.

SCARLETT: Very well then, hurry up and ask the question!

NPD: So first I need to clarify that this is not an official, legally-binding inter-

SCARLETT: It has legal implications but it's not legally binding!? What sense do you think you're making!? Just ask me the bloody question!

NPD: ...Fine. Have you been in contact with Robert Hood since he went missing in 19-

SCARLETT: How would I possibly have been in contact with someone who's missing!? What were you thinking when you posed that question!?

NPD: ...Because maybe you were secretly aware of his whereabouts and didn't tell anybody.

SCARLETT: No, I was not. May I be dismissed now? I'd just told my wife that our son was likely confirmed to be dead and you've taken me away from her while I was trying to console her!

NPD: I didn't "confirm" that your son was dead, I just told you we think he's a criminal mastermind-!

SCARLETT: No, you told me that Hood boy was a criminal mastermind while my real son has disappeared even among the criminal underground!

NPD: ...Oh, you were talking about that son-!

SCARLETT: Of course! I've never considered that other boy my son and I'm not going to start now!

NPD: ...Well, maybe if you did treat him as your son, then maybe he wouldn't be acting out as an adult and terrorizing an entire city, did you ever think about that?

SCARLETT: What on earth are you talking about!?

NPD: You know how there's a philosophical argument that the Holocaust wouldn't have happened if Hitler's dad wasn't an asshole? You're kinda like Hitler's dad here for the lawlessness going on in this city.

SCARLETT: Excuse me, that is absolutely no way to speak to a-!

NPD: Sue me.

END OF RECORDING

Document 13

Respondent: SWIFT, MARIAN
Relation to suspect: PARTNER/UNMARRIED (HOOD)
Place of residence: WASHINGTON, DC
Time of recording: 7:30 P.M. EDT, 06/16/05

(The phone is ringing before it is answered.)

SWIFT: Hello, this is Marian Swift.

NPD: Uh… y-you knew I was going to call, didn't you?

SWIFT: My roommate told me I ought to expect you, yes. And what I ought to expect to be asked. But if you need to go through the steps for formalities' sakes-

NPD: And I can't say I'm surprised that she would have shared that information, but she really wasn't supposed to, because it bought you time to formulate a lie if you should so choose.

SWIFT: But what would I have to lie about?

NPD: So… you know I'm from the Nottingham Police Department-

SWIFT: I do.

NPD: -yes, I am, my name is [REDACTED], nice to speak with you, Ms. Swift. And you know from your roommate that I'm calling to ask about…?

SWIFT: ...Someone I had once been in a long-term relationship with.

NPD: Robert Hood.

SWIFT: ...Robin.

NPD: Right. So long story short, there's a criminal running around our city who looks exactly like him - and you don't need to be told that there aren't a lot of people who look much like him - and this person showed up more or less around the time Hood went missing.

SWIFT: So I've been informed.

NPD: So I have a question for you, just one, and I just need to clarify that this conversation is not a formal interview, it's not legally binding, but if we later find out you withheld important information about Hood or just plain lied to us, we can retroactively use that against you to charge you with obstruction of justice-

SWIFT: Because nobody's gone yet to the Supreme Court to fight for their right to lie to the police.

NPD: ...Basically, yeah. So my question for you is simple enough: have you been in contact with Robert Hood since he went missing, therefore making you secretly aware that he was alive all along?

SWIFT: I have not heard from him since the day he disappeared.

NPD: Okay, now you see, since your roommate told you what I was going to ask, I don't know that that wasn't a planned lie.

SWIFT: ...I have to say, ma'am, simply saying "no" doesn't strike me as a particularly creative lie, at least not to me personally.

NPD: Yeah, but if I called you first and got to ask you cold, you might have spit out the truth for lack of a moment to think straight and consciously choose to lie.

SWIFT: And I understand that, but honestly, I haven't seen him since the day he disappeared.

NPD: Which you well might not have, but see things from our perspective for a second: how do we know you're not just confidently lying to us?

SWIFT: Well… let's assess our options. One of two things is happening: either Robin really is dead and his contacting me would have been an impossibility… or he really has been living a secret life without me seven years after abandoning me, in which case, why would I lie to defend him when he walked out on me in… perhaps the most dramatic way possible?

NPD: ...But you're completely ignoring the fact that there's at least one other option: he might be living a secret life that you're in on. How do we know you're not covering up that?

SWIFT: ...Well… because that's such an absurd proposition that it hadn't even crossed my mind.

NPD: Okay, but that still doesn't answer the question; how do we know you're not covering for him? Because we see that you and your roommate Ms. Klug briefly lived here in 2001, so if he's been living a secret life, there's a decent chance you were in on it.

SWIFT: (silence)

NPD: No answer?

SWIFT: ...I-I'm sorry… did you just hit a button?

NPD: What?

SWIFT: I just heard a beep over the line- oh, there's another one.

NPD: Uh, no, I didn't hit a button, I'm calling you from a computer, so if I hit a button by accident, something'd pop up on my screen-

SWIFT: Oh, I'm getting another call! It's been a bit since the last time that's happened, so I've completely forgotten the sound it makes… wait.

NPD: What?

SWIFT: ...I've got to take this.

NPD: Okay, how do we know this isn't a cover?

SWIFT: I-I know this sounds like a poor excuse, but… g-genuinely, I'm getting a call and I think he'll be very cross with me if I don't answer.

NPD: Hey, if some guy's going to get angry at you for not answering them when you have a good reason not to, you should keep him away from you-

SWIFT: No, no, it's not some abusive boyfriend, this is an- a mentally anguished family member. I pity him, honestly. Now if you'll excuse me-

NPD: Well if he's mentally unwell enough that he can't handle you not answering the phone, it's not your responsibility to help him.

SWIFT: And I agree, but if I don't pity him, who will-? Oh, wait, two beeps, I think that means it's gone to voicemail. Again, I rarely get overlapping calls-

NPD: Well, that settles that-

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (over answering machine) MARIAN! ANSWER YOUR-!

(loud sounds of hasty shuffling can be heard on Swift's end)

NPD: Ma'am, are you alright?

SWIFT: Oh, yes, I just… had to unplug the answering machine is all. All is well.

NPD: ...Why did you have to do that?

SWIFT: As I said, the poor man is a bit disturbed and he'd likely go completely mental if he found out you could hear his voice from the answering machine over the phone.

NPD: Hm. Weirdo.

SWIFT: He is.

NPD: If I didn't know better, though, I'd think he was our British mayor.

SWIFT: ...Er-

NPD: I mean, I do know better, though - he's a lion, you're a fox, I know how biology works. You said this guy was family, and, yeah, somebody could have just married in, but I've honestly never heard of a fox and a lion hooking up. Plus, how many British lions even are there?

SWIFT: (silence)

NPD: Hello?

SWIFT: It's beeping again, he called me right back.

NPD: Isn't there an Ignore button? Or Dismiss or something like that?

SWIFT: I've answered the one most important question, yes?

NPD: I mean, yeah, but it raised a lot of other questions-

SWIFT: Okay then, I'll have to let you go, my uncle is calling. Have a good night.

NPD: Ma'am-!

END OF RECORDING