AN:
Yes that's right, I'm back! Sort of...
Anyway so sorry that I haven't been updating for quite a while. I mentioned in one of my other stories that my father currently has cancer. He is dying and it's been a rough couple of months to put it mildly. Thankfully he's still here, and we've found the right mix of medication for him that he can be more comfortable.
So sadly I won't be able to say what my uploading schedule will be in the future, my dad's my priority right now, but I have the energy to write again. So hopefully you'll see some more chapters coming along :) This one is a short sweet one just to get back into it.
So for everyone still reading, or coming back to it, now I've uploaded:
We left off with Bella having lost her father and being named his heir and now the owner of the Chigaco cubs. Emmett and Rose have taken her under their wing and want to help her through this difficult time by being her friend. Edward and Bella are in a bit of a tough spot. dating your new boss would be a bad idea, so they've settled on being friends for now. :) back to the story!
'Damn Harry, you really messed up. But I'd hate to have to do this without you. I need to be able to trust you.' I said, my voice getting smaller as I admitted this to him. 'you're the only one I have left.'
he stood up and came around the desk to hug me into his arms. 'I'll always help you, Bella.' He assured me and I let myself relax and feel safe in his embrace.
Chapter 16
BPOV
As I stepped out of the office to head home again I started to find Edward standing on the other side of the door with his fist raised. I let out a very undignified yelp as I crashed against the door and nearly tumbled over. Edward's hands shot out and he caught me before I could fully face plant on the floor. He pulled me upright again and I felt myself flush crimson in embarrasment.
'Sorry.' I apologized quickly once I was upright again.
He smiled crookedly at me. 'Why are you sorry? I'm the one that scared you. I should be apologizing.'
I shrugged. 'But I almost fell into you.'
'Still, I'm sorry for scaring you.'
'No problem.' I realized then that he was still holding on to me and I quickly stepped back from him. He seemed to have realized the same and also took a step back, putting more distance between us. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from me as I tried again to step out of the office and lock the door, this time without tripping.
'So did you need anything?' I asked him.
'Oh. Uh.' He fumbled a bit and I turned around cocking a brow at him. 'I just.. was wondering if you maybe wanted to walk the dogs?'
I looked at my watch. It was nearly two in the afternoon. Jake had been alone longer than I liked. A nice long walk in the park seemed in order.
I quickly nodded. 'Yeah that sounds good. Did you want to meet at the park? Do you live close to there?'
'Uh no, I live above Emmett and Rose.'
I stared at him. Then he lived quite close to me. Somehow that made me happy, though I didn't really know why.
'We can meet there, though. That's fine.' He said.
I nodded in agreement. 'Alright. Do you need to shower or anything?' I asked.
He shook his head. 'Nope, all clean.' He grinned and I couldn't help but smile back.
'Let's meet in about half an hour then?' I asked.
He nodded and smiled again. then he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but quickly closed it again. We stared at each other for a moment.
then he nodded again. 'Alright. see you there.'
he walked away quickly, shaking his head and I stared after him for a moment wondering what he had been going to say. I woud probably never know, so I quickly headed out to my car. Thankfully there were no more press lurking about.
I got home without incident and Jake greeted me enthusiastically at the door, nearly bowling me over in his glee. I petted him for a moment before quickly heading to the bedroom to change my clothes. I stepped into a pair of comfy jeans and a simple longsleeve shirt.
Jake already had his leash in his mouth when I stepped back into the living room. 'You want to go for a walk?' I asked him with a smile on my face.
he wagged his tail.
'You want to play with Mike?'
his ears pricked up and he cocked his head.
'Yeah, boy. You like Mike don't you?'
he wagged his tail again and I grinned and pet his head before slipping his leash on and heading to the car. Jake was actually pulling on the lead to get to the car quicker.
We got to the park in good time and as I drove up to park I glanced around, trying to spot Edward. It didn't take long to spot his touseled auburn hair. He was sitting on one of the picnic benches near the entryway. Jake had already spotted Mike and he was wagging his tail excitedly, thumping it against the headrest of my seat.
'Alright, boy. Go say hi.' I told him as I quickly got out and opened his door. He bounded out and ran straight for Mike.
Edward spotted Jake heading his way and quickly released Mike's lead, before he was dragged into the inevitable melee.
I shook my head at the dogs'antics and quickly headed over to join him.
'Hi.' I said as I stopped in front of him, narrowly missing stepping on Jake's paw as he rolled over Mike.
'Hi' he said back, standing up. Then nodded to the park. 'Shall we?'
'yeah, let's go.' I whistled for Jake and he and Mike came racing past us into the open field.
Edward laughed.
We walked side by side for a moment in silence.
'How are you?' his soft question took me by surprise. I glanced up at him and was nearly knocked over by the sincerity in his gaze. My step faltered for a moment, but I quickly righted myself before I could embarrass myself.
'I'm fine.' I said automatically, putting a smile on my face.
It was a standard response by now. It came automatically whenever I was asked that question. Did I mean it? I wasn't sure. Some days I did feel fine. Others not so much. today… I wasn't sure.
Edward stopped walking, pulling on my elbow to get me to stop too. He was frowning at me. His green eyes seemed to pierce through me with their kindness and sincerity. My smile faltered and I felt a tightness creep into my chest.
'How are you really?' he pressed, his face searching mine.
My breath started coming faster. My heart started pounding in my chest. What was happening?
I stared at him and tried to get my body back under control, but suddenly it felt like I was getting lost in my own head. Thoughts crowded me and I couldn't make sense of them. Pain was suddenly overwhelming as my mind was bombared with images of my dad and my mom.
Pain, despair, hopelessness... and loneliness. The emotions swirling through me were overwhelming and I just buckled under their weight.
I dimly registered that his hands were clasping my elbows and he was guiding me to sit down. I was panting now, and my vision was starting to go black around the edges.
He was talking to me. Although I couldn't be sure what he was saying.
Then he took hold of my hand and brought it to his chest, placing it over the warm planes of his hard muscles, right over his heart. He pressed it against himself tightly and I felt his heart beating steadily and strongly against my palm.
'Breathe, Bella. Just breathe. Focus on my heartbeats, can you feel them? If you can feel them, start counting them. And just breathe. In and out.'
his heart beat steadily against my palm and with every strong beat my breath seemed to slow down slightly. My head cleared bit by bit until his face slowly came into focus.
My breath hitched and I realized I was crying.
fuck.
I'd had a panic attack. A fucking panic attack. Just one more thing to fucking deal with on the long list of shit.
'Can you hear me, Bella?' his voice was still soft and soothing. He was looking at me with concern in his eyes. But he didn't seem freaked out by my tears.
I nodded once.
'Okay, just focus on me then. Keep counting my heartbeats. Do you feel it?' he squeezed my hand which was still clutched in his against his chest.
Again I nodded.
'Deep breath in, and deep breath out. Just focus on that Bella. You're doing good.' He soothed.
He kept talking in his smooth soft voice until I finally calmed down.
I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. Then I pulled my hand back, to grab a tissue from my coat pocket and wipe my face and blow my nose.
'Thank you.' I whispered when I finally felt steady enough to not burst out in another round of sobs.
'Does that happen often?' he asked, concern shining in his eyes.
I shook my head. 'It's only happened twice before. The first time was when I first saw his body.' I shuddered thinking back about that. 'the second time was at the funeral service.'
Edward nodded understandingly.
'Do you have any support?' he asked.
'I've been seeing a therapist.' I admitted in a small voice.
'That's good. You know you can always talk to me or Emmett or Rose too right? We might not have known you long, but know that you wouldn't be a burden to any of us. We want to be here for you.'
His gaze was so sincere that I had to look away. I wasn't used to people being this caring and kind to me. I'd been on my own for a long time, and I'd always struggled with making friends. I wasn't sure how to handle this now. I wanted desperately to take him up on his offer, but at the same time I didn't want to burden them with my problems… and I had a lot of those...
Sensing I was somehow at my limit he changed the subject. 'So where did you actually find Jake?'
'Oh he was an accident my neighbours had in Arizona.' I was glad of the change. I looked across the field as my big ball of fluffy fur bounded across the field. As if sensing my gaze Jake looked over and seemed to smile at me, his mouth opening and his tongue lolling out, before Mike pounced on him and they continued their play.
'A surprise nest?'
'Yeah. Her parents had a newfoundland and she had a saint Bernard. There was some miscommunication about neutering apparently.'
Edward laughed. 'And a few months later you got yourself a puppy.'
I shrugged. 'He was the runt of the litter, always getting up to mischief so he was the only one left after ten weeks. I decided to take him then.'
'No one wanted him?' he sounded surprised.
'There were six bitches, those went first. Three boys remained. They were all a little boisterous, but Jake took the cake. He kept escaping, no matter where they put him. He tore up the carpets, and he absolutely terrorized the people that came to look at him for possible adoption.'
'Sounds like you had your hands full.' He grinned.
I nodded. 'yeah, he tested his boundaries a lot, puberty was hell. But I love him.'
he smiled. 'Mike was the opposite. Very timid.'
'Really?' I asked, slightly surprised. You wouldn't say that when you looked at him seeking out everything that moved for attention.
Edward nodded. 'Yep. He was scared of everything and didn't like people much. It took a lot of socialisation before he realised people were fun. Then of course he realised he loved attention and now I can't take him anywhere without him begging for attention from everyone.'
I laughed and Edward looked at me with a smile on his face.
'Thanks for doing this.' I muttered. I knew he was trying to distract me and get me to think about better things.
He shrugged. 'I meant what I said, Bella. I'll be here for you in any way you let me.'
