AN: Thank you so much for all your kind words! You can't imagine how much they're appreciated.
I'm glad everyone enjoyed the last few chapters :)
Let's crack on!
Chapter 18
BPOV
I twisted my hands nervously and took a deep breath through my nose, making sure to breathe through my midriff like my therapist had taught me. it was a relaxing exercise. Three seconds in, six seconds out and my heartbeat would lower and I would calm down. My mind would clear as my sole focus became my breathing.
Well, it usually helped, I was struggling now.
Kate was next to me, talking. But I wasn't really paying attention to her. I knew what I had to say. I knew this was going to be brutal and I knew that I absolutely didn't want to do this. But no matter what I had suggested, no one had agreed.
A presconference was the only way they said.
So here I was about to be thrown to the wolves.
'And don't let them get to you. Kate will field the questions. You just have to read the statement and then you can sit down again.' Angela said, pulling me from my thoughts.
I nodded once. 'Alright.'
'You can do this, Bella.' Kate said, smiling gently at me.
I nodded once again, although I wasn't sure I actually agreed with her.
I took one deep final breath and clutched my reading cards tightly in my hands before Kate nodded to me and opened the door.
The chatter in the room died down for a moment before starting up with a vengance. Flashes almost blinded me for a moment, but I kept my eyes steadily on my feet. I didn't want to trip and faceplant in front of all these people and their camera's.
That would make the headlines for sure. Clumsy heir can't even hold a presconference. I shuddered even thinking about it.
Thankfully I managed to follow kate up to the small podium without incident.
Kate waited for the room to quiet down before adressing them. 'Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for being here today. Isabella Swan will be reading a short statement in a moment. I will be answering a few questions after that and then this session will be concluded. No interview will be given by Ms Swan at this time. She will not be taking questions. Thank you.'
Kate motioned for me to step forward.
I took another deep breath and stepped in front of the small lecturn with microphone. I swallowed once, closed my eyes and squared my shoulders. I was my father's daughter. I would not let anyone walk over me or tell me I was less than. I knew what I was doing. I knew this club, I loved this club. I would not let them intimidate me. I was the rightful owner to the Cubs and I would let everyone here know that.
I opened my eyes and lifted my head high.
'Goodmorning. Two weeks ago my father, Charles Swan, passed away after a long and hard battle with lung cancer. In his will he left his ownership of the Chicago Cubs to me, his only daughter.' I paused for a moment as the press murmured and some questions were thrown out, the camera's went off again. 'I have accepted the inheritance and have vowed to take control and ownership over the Cubs and do right by them. I was born and bred into baseball and know the game and the players well. I will follow in my father's footsteps and help these men win the world series.'
I paused and let my gaze sweep over the room to show everyone I was serious. 'Since I have taken ownership I have made a few staff changes, there might have been rumors floating around about these changes. Paul Lahote and Lee Jones have been let go. They will be replaced in due time. Emmett Mccarthy has taken over the manager position left vacant by mr Lahote and will remain in that role on a five year basis. As of now I will not be adding or selling any players, but that may change as spring training progresses. Lastly I would like to thank everyone for all the support I have received from the people who loved Charles Swan. Thank you for your kindness and love and I'm sure my father would have appreciated it. Thank you.'
I looked over to Kate who nodded to me and I stepped back. Kate stepped up to the microphone as the press started firing question after question at us. It was overwhelming, the reporters were shouting over each other in their effort to be heard. The camera's were working overtime. Thankfully Harry wasted no time whisking me away with Angela close behind me, shielding me from the press.
We'd agreed that I wouldn't stay for the duration of the questioning. Kate had predicted there would be some reporters that would try to get a rise out of me, and she didn't want me to have to suffer through that.
I was glad of it now, because that cacophony and chaos had been utterly overwhelming and I'd only been there for at most a minute after it broke lose.
Harry brought me to the office. 'Are you okay?' he asked once we were inside with the door closed.
'Yeah' I mumbled.
Angela brought me a cup of tea. 'You did really well.'
'Yes, it went well" Harry agreed.
'What will the reception be?' I asked him.
He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. 'I think most of the papers worth their salt will at least be neutral. Some will question whether you're ready. But I don't think any of those will be outright hostile. I think you will be scrutinized heavily though. Every decision you make wil be reported on and questioned. If the team starts to go down hill, you will be blamed.'
I sighed. I had expected that much. I was sure they weren't going to be thrilled with me. and I knew I was going to be under a microscope until I proved myself. This was going to be hard, but I already knew that.
I just wasn't sure if I was ready. If I could handle this pressure on top of dealing with Charlie's passing. and dealign with all his other businesses.
The grief was still raw and painful and I couldn't just put it aside to run the Cubs. But more importantly I didn't want to put it aside to run this business. I needed to deal with my grief and I needed to find the time to do that.
Harry took a sip of his own coffee as he watched me digest what he'd said. Then he turned to me again. 'Then there are the rags. They will be absolutely vile.' He said evenly.
I nodded in agreement. I would expect nothing less.
'They will question everything, from your maturity to your gender, it will be brutal in the best scenario. Absolutely horrifying in the worst. They will come after everything, Bella. I need you to be prepared for that.'
'Can't we do something about that?' Angela asked.
'Kate may be able to stop the more ridiculous stories, threatening with libel suits and such. But that takes time, and retractions are hardly ever read by the public. By the time it would have passed through the courts, you'd already be crucified by the general public.'
'There's no winning, then.' Angela sighed, looking at me with concern.
Kate stepped into the room then. She looked calm and collected, but I wasn't sure if that was a front she was putting up for my sake, or if she simply wasn't fazed at all, which could also be possible. I had yet to see Kate truly frazzled by anything.
'How did it go?' Harry asked her immediately.
'Well enough.' She said. 'Most of the questions were expected; how Bella was going to run the club, what the plans were, if she was serious about the sport.' She listed. 'and then there were the ones that were slightly questioning. They wondered about the lay offs, what had caused it and why now. They wondered about Mr McCarthy being put in head coach position… they were wondering whether you're up for it, Bella.' She finished looking at me.
I nodded I had expected that.
She walked over and sat down on the coffee table in front of me.
'Bella. The next few weeks are going to be really rough. The coming season will be hard. You will be watched like a hawk. Any move that seems strange or fishy and they will come after you.' she warned.
Angela made a scoffing noise. 'You're her laywer, can't you protect her from this?'
Kate shook her head. 'There's only so much threatening I can do. I want to suggest you hire a PR representative as quickly as possible, Bella. And I need you to promise me you will lie low for the next week or so.'
'Just the week? It sounds like I need to lie low for the rest of my life, or until the Cubs win the world series.' I muttered sarcasticly.
'Winning would be good, yes.' Harry said.
Kate nodded and agreed. 'If you can show them you know your stuff, they will back off. But until you prove that to them, I'm afraid they won't go easy on you.'
I nodded and thanked her for everything she'd done for me today. She patted my knee affectionately before taking her leave. Harry walked her out.
Angela sat down next to me and held my hand in hers as she waited silently for me to digest everything. when I'd finished my tea she gave my hand a small squeeze.
'Ready to go?' she asked finally.
'Yeah, I guess.' I muttered dejectedly.
I wasn't exactly thrilled that the press was so involved, and they would be taking such an interest. I had hoped they'd remember me from the teenage years: that I was just a by the book kind of girl, no scandals, wild nights or late night romps. I was boring in terms of paparazzi.
But judging by Harry and Kate's words, they thought I was in for a shit storm. We'd just have to wait and see.
'Do you want me to stay over tonight?' Angela asked.
I shook my head. 'No, Thanks. I should be home at three at the latest, so if you could just walk Jake and entertain him for a while that would be great.'
'Are you sure?'
I nodded. 'Yeah, I just need some time to unpack everything that happened you know?'
She looked at me closely for a moment, then nodded. 'Alright. I'll see you at three and then I'll leave you to it.'
I hugged her and thanked her before we headed out together and got into our cars.
I had my second therapist appointment today. the first one had been brutal. I had had to ask angela to come pick me up, that's probably why she was so worried. But afterwards I had felt better, lighter somehow, better in control of myself and my emotions.
It had felt like I had begun treading water, instead of simply drowning.
I headed to her office and used the discreet entrance she had for high profile clients like myself. There was a separate waiting room and everything. I didn't necessarily see myself as high profile, but after today, I wasn't so sure anymore. And I was definitely glad for the extra privacy now.
One crazy cubs fan with a cellphone would be enough to probably get me on every tabloid in the city.
'Ms Swan?' the secretary asked.
I stood up and entered the office.
'Bella. Come in, sit down.' Linda greeted me.
I smiled at her and settled on the couch opposite her.
'So, tell me how did it go?' she launched right in as she poured me a cup of tea.
'It was okay, I guess. Given the circumstances.' I relayed what had happened and the conversation with Harry and Kate afterwards.
'And are you afraid of what the press is going to print?' she asked.
I shrugged. 'I'm not sure… I'm afraid of what I'll do if one of those creeps starts something… but I… I'm mostly just worried how I'm going to do it all. I don't want to disappoint my father and his memory. He loved that club.' I bit my lip as I admitted that for the first time to myself.
Linda leaned forward. 'Did Charlie ever say he was disappointed in you? Or worried that you wouldn't be able to take over?'
I frowned. 'Well no, of course not. He was proud of me.'
'Did he share the inner workings of the club with you?' she asked.
Again I nodded. 'yeah, he wanted me to learn how to run it.' I admitted feeling slightly guilty because I had always kept those discussions at the surface level.
Linda smiled gently at me. 'I think you're going into a negative thought spiral here. So I want to practice something with you. This exercise is something you can do yourself at home too, so when you recognize the negativity, just do this exercise and afterwards see if you still feel the same way, alright? it's not a miracle cure, but it might help you put things in perspective.'
I sat up, and looked at her curiously as she walked over to the whiteboard she had on her wall.
'Alright. So you just mentioned an event, something that happened that made you had negative thoughts. Can you pinpoint the exact scene or moment?'
'I guess when Harry said that I had to basically not make any mistakes for the press and public to like me.'
'Alright, the conversation with Harry and Kate, that's the event. Now, what were you thinking at that moment?'
'That I wasn't sure how I was going to pull it off… I'm not old enough to do this… I'm just a girl, a nobody…. I'm afraid I'll make a mistake and then I'll lose everything… I'm afraid to disappoint my dad.'
Linda wrote everything down. 'Anything else?'
'I think that's most of it.'
Linda nodded. 'And how did you feel at that moment?'
'I guess, upset…'
'Yes, can you try making it more concrete? Try to link it to either anger, sadness, fear or happiness.'
'I felt… scared, small, alone, inadequate…'
Again linda wrote everything 'What type of behaviour did you exhibit during that meeting?'
'Behavirou?' I asked.
'Yes, what were you doing when you were thinking and feeling these things?'
'I guess I was kind of making myself small… hunched over, crossing my arms… letting others talk… mumbling a bit.'
'Okay and what do you think are the consequences of that?'
'I guess it strengthens the negative thoughts… it makes others perhaps have less confidence in me… I don't voice my own opinion.'
'Okay good.' She wrote it down then stepped back. 'Now if we take a step back and look at this, let's try and rationalize it.'
She pointed to the thoughts.
'Do you think you're actually not old enough to run the club?' she asked.
I shrugged. 'Well, I'm young. Younger than any other Major sports league club owner.'
'But do you feel like you're too young?'
I thought about it for a moment and then shook my head.
'Do Harry or Kate think you're too young?'
Again I shook my head.
'Alright, so let's put that one here and say, you're not too young, because Kate and Harry believe in you and have said so.'
I nodded.
'Next. You're just a girl.'
I scoffed. 'Well, I know more about baseball than a lot of men. So that shouldn't even be a problem.'
'Good we'll put that next to it. On to the fear of disappointing your father.'
I took a deep breath and thought about it. 'I mean that is something I fear. But I guess, I can see how that can be an overreaction. He's always said he's proud of me and everything I've done. He's the one that taught me everything I know about baseball.'
'So that too then is crossed out. Do you see what we're doing here Bella?'
I looked at the board and saw every negative thing we had written down being countered or directly opposed by something that had happened, something that had been said.
I nodded.
'It can be hard to do on your own sometimes, but just by writing it down in this way and then taking a step back to see it and try and temper the negativity, you can see some patterns and might be able to break them. At the very least it's an exercise that will help you stop the negative spiral.' She sat back down again.
We talked a bit more about Charlie and how I was dealing with the pressure after that, before the hour was up again and I gathered my things.
'See you next week.' I said, smiling at her. I really did like Linda, and she was helping me a lot. She was kind and she really listened.
'Until next week, and remember to call of anything comes up that can't wait.'
I nodded and left her office through the discreet exit.
Once in my car I took a deep breath and released it in one go. Therapy was really helping me find my footing again. I would have to find some way to thank Carlisle. Then I remembered that Carlisle was actually Edward's father. Perhaps I could ask them all over for dinner one time.. it wasn't weird to invite your friends' family? Was it?
