Unspeakable pain and screaming and a bright light. That's all Janus could remember whenever he fell asleep. After waking up for the third time in the night, he turned his bedside light on, and decided to just wait it out. Virgil was pressed against his side for the second night in a row. Twice a day, three times if they could, he had been applying burn cream to Virgil's back. It was from his own supply, and he was thankful he had it just in case- Well. It didn't matter why he had it. Virgil didn't ask questions, and Janus didn't explain.
Virgil wrapped his arms tighter around Janus' middle. His head was resting on his shoulder, and Janus carded his fingers through violet hair. Virgil had nightmares too. He didn't admit it, but he didn't have to. Janus could tell.
There was a knock at the door.
"Come in." Janus called, careful not to rustle Virgil much. He had to sleep on his stomach now, and he said he couldn't get comfortable alone - that he needed to curl against Janus' chest to sleep. Janus didn't object.
He wasn't expecting Patton to poke his head inside. He said, "Hey, um, no one has seen Vir-"
He stopped when his eyes landed on Virgil's shirtless, sleeping form. Patton jaw clacked shut, and he swallowed. When he looked up at Janus' again, his expression was colder. Janus wanted to stick out his tongue, but he was being civil.
"Yes?" He asked.
"Nothing." Patton said. "Breakfast is ready."
He closed the door without another word. Janus slowly released an exhale. Virgil snuggled closer to his side. Janus decided they could sleep in a little longer, just to make Patton jealous.
Maybe he overreacted a little by keeping Patton away from Virgil when they first got out. He couldn't help it. He was still in panic mode from being inside Remus, and he knew what Patton was capable of. He wouldn't let Virgil get hurt again.
Keeping Virgil wrapped in his arms was the only way he could ensure he was safe. He watched over him while he slept, and would continue to do so for as long as Virge would let him.
Roman was clearly anxious around them. He either avoided them, dancing around them and unwilling to reach out; or he was rushing to care for their every need. Janus appreciated the help, but he could do without the massive heaps of guilt along with it. It didn't matter how many times Janus told Roman he wasn't at fault. He didn't listen. Even more frustrating, Janus wasn't lying.
Roman ripping the three of them apart atom by atom somehow didn't hurt as much as the nail marks across his cheek. Remus had to be stopped. Daniel didn't.
For the past two days, Virgil had called out from work. He rescheduled all his tattoo appointments, and explained to the tiny, angry Side that he was injured. He spent most of those days in Janus' bed, curled around a pillow as he slept. Janus tended to his burn, replacing his bandages every time he applied new cream. He coaxed Virgil into eating whenever he could. Logic checked in on them between his classes.
Janus had nothing better to do while Virgil slept, so he worked on cleaning up Remus' mess. Most of it could be thrown away; but the biggest issues were the door, the couch, and the mud and blood stains everywhere. Janus had probably spent six hours scrubbing the walls already.
"Nhm-"
Virgil squirmed, pressing closer to Janus' chest. His breathing quickened and his eyelids flicked rapidly. He was having another nightmare.
"Shh, love." Janus whispered, brushing his fingers through his hair. "You're safe."
Virgil didn't calm. Janus decided it was time to get up anyway. He pressed one hand to Virgil's cheek, tilting his head up as he leaned down. Janus kissed his forehead, soft and quick. The simple pressure was enough for Virgil's eyes to snap open.
His hand flew up to loosely grip Janus' wrist. Wide eyes looked up into his own. Janus smiled, Virgil's breathing finally slowed.
"You were having a nightmare." Janus whispered.
Virgil nodded, his gaze slipping away. He leaned down to rest on his chest once more. Janus could feel him swallow.
"Yeah." Virgil said. His voice sounded hollow. "It- I was drowning in oil."
Janus made a hum of understanding. Remus' head stinks, literally. It left Janus feeling like he lived in a gas station. That first night, when Janus carefully applied the burn cream, Virgil described what he felt while fused. He described the dark solitude of floating alone in a murky sea. And slowly sinking lower.
Janus kissed the top of his head. He asked, "Do you need to do a breathing exercise?"
Virgil shook his head, sighing. "I'll be okay. The drowning was fake. It's the burning nightmares that are worse."
Janus knows what he means. There's nothing worse than waking up and finding your nightmare was simply a memory. He took Virgil's hand, lifting it to kiss his palm.
Virgil relaxed against him, a small smile playing on his lips. The only upside to this shitty Fusion was that Virgil wanted to be near him now. Janus didn't care that it wasn't real; that Virgil simply needed help and comfort. He would do anything to make his healing process easier. No one deserved to treat their burns alone.
"It felt so real." Virgil mumbled.
"Because it was. At least the last part." Janus shrugged. "We were one; Roman cut us into three."
Virgil started shaking. "God, what if it didn't work? What would He have done?"
Janus brushed his bangs out of his face, shushing him. "It's okay, it did work. Remus is gone, and he'll never come back."
Virgil turned his face into Janus' chest and sobbed. Janus held him tight and tried to ignore the harsh laughter echoing in his brain. Remus would never come back. He'd make sure of it. No one that scared Virgil this much was allowed to exist.
"Thank you." Virgil sat up and rubbed his eyes. He wasn't wearing any makeup. Janus had helped him clean up the first night, and he never applied more. It made him look younger. Janus had to remind himself they were only a few days apart.
Virgil winced as his bandages moved. He settled for leaning forward slightly, keeping his back as straight as he could. He winced again, and repeated. "Thank you. For taking care of me. Again."
"I'll always help you, dear."
"Careful." Virgil's voice was small. "I'm starting to believe you."
"You should." Janus tilted his head so they were making eye contact. He added, "It's a promise."
Virgil shuddered and rested his head on Janus' shoulder. He let out a heavy breath and asked, "When does it stop hurting?"
Never, Janus wanted to say. Instead he rubbed Virgil's shoulder and said, "First it will hurt a lot, then it will ache a lot, then it will itch a lot. And then it will scar." He bit his lip and finished, "About two weeks."
"Can I stay with you? A-at least for a bit-"
"You can stay as long as you'd like, love." Janus resisted the urge to kiss his head again.
"Thanks. Again." Virgil mumbled.
Janus didn't want to risk scaring Virgil off, but his curiosity was too strong. He asked, "Why aren't you staying with Patton?"
Virgil swallowed. "Patton's been making me nervous."
"Oh?"
"He's just really worried about my- my back." Virgil sighed, "And it makes me worried, just being around his worried-ness. I know he wants to help, but… I think he wants it to magically heal overnight. It's weird."
He probably doesn't want his little Virgey to look like the big, scary Negative. Janus thought bitterly. He glanced down at his own bandage on his right shoulder. He sighed out his nose. Honestly he shouldn't be surprised.
Virgil sat up a little, watching him. Janus tried to school his expression into one more neutral. He wasn't expecting Virgil to reach up and brush his fingers along the scars on his face. Janus flinched- no one touched him there, and the sensation was unexpected. Virgil hesitated, before he cupped Janus' cheek fully, his thumb brushing over the tips of the scratch marks.
"Well, at least now I look cool like you." Virgil said. He added as an afterthought, "If I ever show my back."
Janus was too hung up on 'cool' and 'like you'. He pressed his hand against Virgil's, keeping it close to his cheek. He tried to keep the disbelief out of his voice. "So I'm cool now?"
"You always have been." Virgil gave him a funny look, which he couldn't help to return.
"I'm not the tattoo artist." Janus said, leaning closer to Virgil. His free hand danced along Virge's spider web-covered elbows.
Virgil rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and I ended up with two Sides that hate that little fact."
"And one Side that loves it." Janus bit his tongue as soon as the words left his mouth. That was maybe a little too honest. Virgil's face turned a lovely shade of pink. Janus tried to redirect his embarrassment, his fingers still trailing down Virgil's shoulder. He saw goosebumps rise where he touched. He said, "You should get more."
"Logic would kill me." Virgil sighed. "He wants us to look 'professional' when we're Established. Whatever the fuck that means."
Whatever the fuck indeed. Janus was aware of Logic's preferences, he was quieter about it than Patton was, but still. Janus knew he didn't fit into Logic's box of expectations. But neither really did Virgil.
He decided on saying, "He can't kill you; you're too cute."
Virgil laughed, pushing his face away and finally letting go of his cheek. Janus missed the warmth. Virgil sat up a little and said, "No wonder Roman chose you to hole up with for a week. Pretty lies and flattery is the best medicine, huh?"
Janus' heart squeezed tight. What does he have to do to be taken seriously by these Sides? His word simply isn't enough. Which, okay fair, but come on.
Janus sat up as well, placing a hand on Virgil's thigh. He asked, softly, "Perhaps. Do you want me to heal you?"
Virgil's smile was hesitant, but he leaned closer. Janus saw him lick his lips, maybe unconsciously. His own smile grew. He could almost feel the warmth, radiating off of Virgil. He wanted to move nearer, get as close as he was allowed.
Virgil's voice was breathy as he said, "Maybe. What's your best drug? What'd'you got?"
Janus' smile could almost brush against Virgil's own plush lips. He could feel Virgil's breath on his own skin, the way it hitched when Janus cupped his chin.
"Virgil, I-"
A knock at the door disrupted them. Virgil sprang back, his face as red as his fresh burn. He gasped at the sudden movement, having disrupted his bandages.
Janus tried not to sound irritated as he said, "Come in."
Logic opened the door, glancing between Virgil's awkward, pained expression and Janus' frustrated glare. He spoke easily, "Breakfast will be put away soon. Have you eaten?"
"We'll be there in a moment." Janus muttered. Seriously? He was interupted for fucking omlettes?
Logic nodded once. "Patton sent me to remind you. Also, we decided this weekend we will be going to the shopping mall, to purchase replacements for everything Remus destroyed."
Which was for the best; they currently had a trash bag taped to their front door to cover the hole. Too bad right now Janus couldn't care less.
"Alright."
"Patton wants it to be a 'family outing', so to speak."
"Okay, we'll be there."
"Okay." Logic shut the door once more.
Virgil let out a long sigh. Janus turned to look at him. His legs were hanging over the side of the bed, and he was staring at the floor. Janus opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil beat him to it.
"I should probably get down there." Virgil muttered. "I'll, um-"
"Wait!" Janus didn't want to give this up yet. He didn't want to share Virgil with the rest of the world (with Patton). He wanted to keep him here, safe in his room, forever. Virgil looked over at him, confused. Janus thought fast. "I have to put the morning dose of your burn cream on you."
Virgil silently nodded, looking down again. Janus grabbed the bottle that held the medicine and scooted across the bed. He slid his legs on either side of Virgil's hips, resting behind him. Virgil glanced over his shoulder, but didn't comment. A moment later, his hands gently rested on Janus' knees.
Janus worked silently, slowly peeling off the old bandages. He was careful to apply the cream with a light hand. The barest pressure made Virgil wince. Yet he sat still as a rock, patiently letting Janus do his work. Once he had applied the cream, he slowly covered the handprint in new bandages. The mark was in the center of Virgil's back; the tips of the fingers brushing the bottom of his shoulder blades. The palm rested right above his spine.
When Janus finished, he leaned forward and kissed the back of Virgil's neck. He heard a sharp inhale, and saw more goosebumps form along his shoulders. Janus blushed at his own actions; he didn't have Virgil's permission to be so handsy. The last thing he wanted was to make Virgil uncomfortable around him as well.
"Sorry-" Janus mumbled.
Virgil turned around and, before Janus could comprehend what was happening, he pressed his own tiny kiss to Janus' unscathed cheek. Janus blushed. Virgil wasn't looking at him, but he was smiling as he said, "I'll see you later."
"Right. Yeah." Janus said stupidly as Virgil stood and grabbed his shirt from the ground. He put it on, carefully lowering it down past his bandages. Janus stayed on the bed, too stunned to move.
Virgil waved goodbye as he ducked behind his door and out into the hall. Janus flopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. His fingers found his cheek, gently pressing where Virgil had kissed. A deep, awfully selfish part of his brain whispered, 'Thank you, Remus.'
That night Janus slept, with Virgil wrapped around him. He hoped for a dreamless sleep, but he had never been so lucky.
The dream started simple enough, he was going through his morning routine. Brushing his teeth, staring at himself in the mirror. He leaned down to spit, the water running. He rinsed his toothbrush off and tapped it dry. When he looked back up at the mirror, he shouted in horror, dropping the toothbrush.
His scar, the one on his cheek, was spreading. Stretching further and further across his skin, reaching up towards his eyes. He stumbled back, and that's when he felt the burning on his shoulder. He ripped at his shirt, tearing it apart to get a better look. The scar on his shoulder grew fatter, becoming more 3-D in nature; until the fingerprints could dig into his skin. The burning centered around his wrists now.
But instead of handprints, these scars were thin, circular lines around his wrist. Handcuffs. He was crying now, from the pain of the new scars forming, worming through his skin. His back arched as it was attacked next, he twisted to see in the mirror. Ten large claw marks scraped down his back, shoulder to hips. Janus gasped, unable to breathe. He clutched the counter, the wall, anything to keep him upright as he swayed.
The air was knocked out of him as another, heavy scar stamped itself on his left shoulder blade. Glancing in the mirror, he saw the outline of a fist. His knees buckled and he slid to the ground, pressing himself against the cold tile. It was a brief relief, as the body burned from the inside out. He curled his legs up, tucking his knees under his chin. He could feel more scars forming, in the shapes of scrapes, scratches, and hand prints. He could practically feel the invisible hands clutching his skin or pushing him away.
His feet burned. Janus blinked tears out of his eyes to see fresh prints gripping his ankles. The pressure felt real, like something was holding him down with his feet. And then, the invisible hands yanked, and Janus slid across the floor like he weighed nothing. He scratched at the tile to stop himself from being sucked away, but nothing stopped the invisible force. He screamed as he was pulled into the shadows, never to be seen again.
Janus woke with a start. His rapid breathing wasn't enough to wake Virgil, thankfully. He checked his arms, his chest, his throat. Feeling around for any new scars or burns. He forced his breathing to slow when he remembered it was a dream. He pressed closer to Virgil, finding comfort in his weight.
Virgil squirmed, his brows scrunching together.
"Shh, love. It's just a dream." Janus brushed Virge's hair out of his face. He stared at the back of his own hand, almost daring a scar to appear there. He shook his head and kissed Virgil's temple. The Side settled, relaxing in Janus' embrace. Janus stared at the ceiling and repeated, "It's just a dream."
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