The adventurers behind me had the right idea of running away, screaming like little girls.
I mean, really, I should've known a doomsday machine like the Destroyer would have a self-destruct sequence. It's standard evil mad scientist operating procedures for badness' sake! I have no idea how that managed to slip my mind. I'll just chalk it up to my irrational fear of spiders overtaking my senses. Yeah, let's…let's go with that…
Uh, anywho, we're boned.
I slid down the wreckage of the JackMech (while totally sticking the landing and totally not falling flat on my ass) and rushed over to where Darkness stood. The woman practically bore holes into the Destroyer's flashing red eyes, which was actually a little intimidating for me given the rocky relationship I currently had with her and the others. Still, someone had to be the voice of reason right now.
"OKAY, fun's over!" I declared. "We had a good run, gave it our best shot, clearly it wasn't enough. We have to go, NOW! I already had the JackBots pack our stuff, so if we leave now, we might still be able to- -"
"I refuse," Darkness stated plainly, the stark determination in her eyes never faltering as she continued to hold that stare, though her words were directed at me alone. "There's still a chance to stop this, Jack. I know it. As long as there is time, we must do everything we can to prevent the Destroyer's detonation."
I concentrated really hard on suppressing my panic twitches.
"Oh, Darkness, do you just get a sick kick out of seeing me cry or something!? I thought you were a masochist, not a sadist! W-What, do you want me to beg? I'll do it if it means not dying!"
"This is not about you, Jack!" The crusader practically barked, finally tearing her piercing gaze away from the Destroyer and instead at me. She pointed at the retreating crowd as she did so. "This is about them, all the people in Axel! They are going to die if someone doesn't find a way to stop this! I cannot, in good faith, turn my back and run when there is still an opportunity to save them! I would sooner die than disgrace myself in such a manner!"
While I did back away fearfully when she scolded me like that, something within prevented me from folding in on myself like usual. Instead, I hardened my own eyes at her and said, "You know what? No. I don't care. You're coming with me whether you like it or not!"
Not giving Darkness a chance to get a word in edgewise, I angrily stomped past her and pulled her arm along with me…
Only to get yanked back not a microsecond later.
I looked back at the stubborn crusader. She still hadn't moved but she did return to gazing into the Destroyer's flashing eyes, seemingly ignoring me at this point.
Growling in frustration, I tugged at her arm again, attempting to pull her alongside me.
Darkness never budged.
I used both my arms and pulled as hard as I could, clenching my teeth and making those weird mouth sounds I heard help when you're trying to drag something heavy.
Still wasn't moving.
I jumped up, firmly planted my feet into her back, and put my own back into yanking her arm away as hard as humanly possible. Take a wild guess what happened next…
That's right, she finally realized her mistake and allowed me to drag her away to safety!
No, of course not! Because that would make too much sense! She stood like a boulder and I just ended up pulling a muscle! I almost forgot there was a reason why I always skipped gym class.
Picking myself up off the ground, I ground my teeth and yelled, "Look, we all know why you're really doing this anyway! You just wanna get blown up for a third time! So stop pretending this is about something else! Look – if we go now, I'll talk to Megumin and we can hook you up later. Hell, I'll even build an atom bomb for you to play with, just move it already!"
Darkness...well she did something. It was damn near impossible for me to put into words, but it was like she jolted, her posture faltering for the slightest moment, what I could have sworn to be irritation...and maybe even hurt...passing across her face. Still, she didn't turn, but her following words were once more aimed my way, a touch colder than before.
"Leave then. If you really can't muster up an inkling of courage to do the right thing, I'll face my fate alone."
Jesus Christ. That actually made me feel…bad. Like, sad-bad that is. Now I didn't even wanna leave anymore. What was this girl doing to me!?
Well, before I could dwell upon it any further, I was greeted by a myriad of people approaching. Namely Wiz, Aqua, Megumin (who was being piggybacked by the aforementioned), Satou, Yunyun, Chris, and even Taylor along with his goons.
"Guys! Thank evil you're here!" I cheered before pointing at Darkness accusingly. "Talk some sense into this one! She won't leave and none of my bribes have been working! Help me out here!"
"Actually, Wiz has a plan to keep the Destroyer from blowing up the city!" Aqua replied, a little too cheery given the circumstances, if I do say so myself. Worse yet, Wiz showed little to no confidence as she stepped forward and elaborated.
"W-well, it's mostly a last resort. I should be able to teleport the core away from the city." She explained, though she didn't quite meet anyone's eyes as she continued. "However, I must remind Lady Aqua that I don't have particular control about where it will end up. If I'm able to send it away, there is a chance it will land somewhere just as populated as Axel."
I stared dubiously at Wiz, looked over to Darkness, then gazed up at the Destroyer, promptly shuddered in disgust, before finally looking back at the group as a whole.
"But…but wouldn't it be easier and, y'know, safer if we just cut our losses and pull out?" I reasoned calmly. Given the varying personalities of these people here, there was still a chance for me to snag the popular vote. "In fact, if we book it now, there might still be enough time to grab our worldly possessions and leave before the nuke goes off! So who's with me?"
"Dude, you do realize that most of us live in the city, right? On the off chance that we could make a run for it, what are the chances we'd even make it that far?" Taylor countered, seemingly confused by my desperation to get the fuck away from the giant bomb not ten feet away from us. "We should at least take the chance while we have it. I don't know about you, but I like Axel enough to want it to not end up a giant, smoldering crater."
"C'moooon!" I whined, not even caring anymore about trying to dispel the "Jack Whiner" nickname the haters gave me. "It's just a dumb old city! You can always build a new one! Why, I build things all the time, I mean look at the mech I made!"
The group turned around to stare at what remained of my JackMech. In hindsight, it probably didn't help my case that the thing was lying helplessly on the ground…and was still missing a leg…and was on fire. Everyone looked back at me with less than impressed faces.
"…Just gotta buff out those scratches and it'll be bad as new!"
"We're wasting precious seconds talking to this guy." Satou interjected, fixing me with that same look he had back in the guild hall. A glare of disdain and irritation that I was fairly familiar with at this point. "We gotta get moving if we even want a chance to not turn into far crispier versions of ourselves."
I couldn't believe it. No one, not even the semi-rational ones, took my side. I was all alone here, and this time with no robots to back me up. Truly, I was alone…
…Like it should've been from the start, now that I think about it.
"Fine."
Everyone looked back at me. I gave them all the evil eye as I activated my HeliBot and hovered above them. "You wanna do something stupid and get yourselves killed? Well then don't let me stop you. Do whatever the hell you want, see if I care. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some emotion chips to go pick up before this place becomes ground zero…"
"Sheesh. Guess we shouldn't have expected anything less." Dust grumbled, looking particularly unimpressed with my display of indifference, if not a touch vindicated. "C'mon, you heard Kazuma. We gotta get moving."
And just like that, the gaggle of morons started to ascend onto the wrecked Destroyer. Aqua paused a beat longer than the others before following suit, and Darkness stayed at her post dutifully. To my surprise, the last one left standing there was the cape clad leader himself, who was looking up at me with a different expression now, one which was a lot harder for me to place.
"...y'know, for a self-proclaimed genius, you sure make a lot of bad calls." Satou mused, his tone less accusing and more...well, pointed I guess. All the same, he turned away too with a half-hearted wave, climbing up after the rest of the team. "See you on the other side, Goggles. Have fun with your bots."
On that bitter note, Green Bean climbed up the Destroyer himself, leaving only me and Darkness in a tense and awkward silence. Feeling uncomfortable again, I wordlessly flew in the opposite direction, scouring the field for the wreckage of downed WingBots and salvaging their emotion chips. Thanks to my HeliBot, I was able to gather most of the chips in no time flat (there were two that couldn't be saved unfortunately). With the majority of the boys safely secured in my pockets, I was ready to get the hell out of dodge.
"It's really that easy for you?" Darkness asked, still not turning to face me. That intone of hurt was more audible this time, and it was enough to make me stop in my tracks. "After everything we've been through, can you turn your back on us and walk away, just like that? I...I thought better of you, Jack."
"Wha, I, but, you - !" I sputtered pathetically, completely caught off guard by her remark. "Don't…don't pin this on me! I-It's your own fault for not having any sense of self-preservation! I wouldn't have to do this if you'd just listen!"
"You're the one who's leaving!" Darkness snapped, finally whipping around to face me, and Christ above I wish she hadn't. Her eyes were wet, and there was a distinct fire lit behind them, one that only betrayal could instill. "The rest of our friends are making a stand, trying to save our home and hundreds of innocent lives! If you could think of someone other than yourself for an entire minute, maybe you'd be able to see how damn important this is! How this is bigger than you!"
I was nearly on the brink of crying myself. Why'd she have to play the altruistic card on me now of all times? If she'd been busy getting off at the thought of being blown up again, it might've helped make ditching town a lot easier for me. And here I thought I was the evil one.
Wait…that's right, I am the evil one here! I shouldn't be bothered by what a knight has to say. Their guardians of good, why should their opinions matter to me?
I willed my tear ducts to stay dry as I glared back at her and pointed adamantly at myself. "One word: evil. That's what you signed up for, isn't it? Should've read the fine print."
And then, Darkness' expression just kinda...faltered. Like the wind was sucked right out of her damn sails. Suddenly, I was faced with the same stone faced, emotionless expression that I could sooner find on any passerby on the street. Her next words were terse, underlined with a pain that had been stowed away to deal with later.
"You are not evil, Jack. You just make bad choices...and this will be yet another on the pile."
Even though I already knew she didn't believe I was evil, hearing the confirmation didn't hurt any less. It hurt like when I spilled my guts out to Chase Young and he didn't respond by running up to kiss me like I'd secretly hoped he would. It hurt like getting mauled by his jungle cats as he stared down at me with that shit-eating grin on his face, the one he always wore whenever he inflicted pain on me…
I turned away as fast as the HeliBot could manage, soaring through the air as I tried to put some distance between myself and the wreckage. Between myself and the few associates I had left to call my own. I tried not to think about it, about how I was abandoning them completely, about just how deep Darkness' words stung. I only made it a few hundred feet away from Axel before I willed the bot to stop, glancing over my shoulder.
After staring at the distant junkpiles and tiny yellow dot for who knows how long, I growled, angry at both myself and my so-called friends. "My evil street cred is so going down the toilet after today…"
I honestly couldn't imagine what ran through Darkness' head when she watched me leave. Likewise, I couldn't imagine whatever followed as I zipped back over to the Destroyer, grumbling to myself all the way as I flew past her and into the construct itself. I may have just hallucinated this last part in my haste, but I could've sworn I saw the ghost of a smile on her face as I passed. Probably just my imagination making Darkness look smug to add salt to the wound.
Either way, I was too upset with the perv at the moment to care as I landed inside the mech and stomped through the hallways. I was also too upset to care that I was technically inside something that resembled one of my worst fears. I was also-ALSO too upset to acknowledge my party or the chumps they brought along as I stormed past them in a huff.
"Huh. Guess Goggles finally pulled his head out of his ass." Satou mused, actually moving to keep pace with me best he could with an expectant expression. "So, what grand plan are you whipping up this time? Got your own personal teleportation device tucked away in your back pocket or something?"
"Can it, Green Bean," I snapped without even turning to meet the Japanese's smarmy face. "Why don't you go bother Tomato Boy and let the criminal mastermind do his thing? Who knows, maybe you two will fuse into vegetable soup or something; be less annoying that way."
"...yeah, I don't know what half of that means, just-stop and listen for a sec." Satou insisted, ultimately prompting me to come to a brief stop, fixing him with an irritated and expectant expression. "I'm not gonna bother with the whole 'I don't like you, you don't like me' speech. Bottom line is, we both don't wanna blow up. So, level with me here: what can I do to keep that from happening?"
"Just point me to the nearest control room and I'll see if I can't hack the mainframe to abort the self-destruct sequence," I sighed tiredly, having simmered down enough to level with the adventurer. "If the guy who built this deathtrap has any respect for mechanical-engineering, there's bound to be an all-encompassing control room with big terminals that overlook the functions of everything, self-destruct sequences included."
"Fair enough. I'm sure the others can handle going to the core themselves...probably." Satou replied, before glancing down the nearest hall and tilting his head side to side, as if debating. "My gut is telling me the best bet for the control room is this way. Let's hope my luck does it's job."
"Can't be any worse than mine," I mumbled quietly to myself as I let him lead the way. While walking, I stuck my hands in my pockets, gently cupping the loose emotion chips within to make me feel a little bit better about myself. At this point, I just wanted this miserable day to end with me barricading myself in my lab and repairing my boys. I've had enough human interactions to last me a lifetime. Well, actually, make that two lifetimes because reincarnation and stuff.
"What are we waiting for, then? Lead the way, Satou!" Aqua chirped, making both myself and the adventurer beside me jump halfway out of our skins. Somehow, Aqua had managed to sneak up on the both of us, with Megumin still slung on her back, though the diminutive mage seemed a bit brighter now, probably having gained back a bit of her energy.
"How the hell did you...you didn't hear them coming either, right?" Satou sputtered in disbelief, glancing between myself and the water goddess as though either of us were going to sprout a second head. "Seriously, why is your party so fuckin' wierd, man?"
"Because I didn't hold a screening process before letting them in," I answered matter-of-factly, refusing to meet the girls' annoyed glares. "Now take your future overlord to the control room already, chop-chop!"
Satou rolled his eyes, but didn't run his mouth for a change. Instead, he started down the hall he'd been inspecting moments before, with myself and Aqua following not far behind. It took about a minute or so, but eventually we arrived at what actually seemed to be the control room, or, at the very least, one of the associated sectors.
"Aha! Told you I'd find it!" Satou crowed victoriously, as if he hadn't just relied on dumb luck to guide us. "I'll accept your applause any time now."
"That's Aqua's line, Green BeeeAAAAHHH!"
My insult merged into a shriek when I noticed the, um, dead person sitting in a chair with tubes coming out from the back. Thankfully, the body had already gone through advanced decomposition, so all that was left was a skeleton. Didn't make the reality any less disturbing though. Seriously, I think this was my first time seeing a real skeleton and not one of those cheap Halloween decorations Mom kept in the attic.
"Huh. Guess we found whoever was supposed to pilot this thing way back when." Satou remarked, seemingly unbothered outside of a grimace, before he turned to Aqua with a curious expression. "What was this thing supposed to be again? Some kinda mega-weapon for another civilization or something?"
Before Aqua could open her big fat mouth with unneeded exposition we already heard, I spoke up. "Uh, hi, Jack Spicer here. Are we gonna gloss over the fact that there is a real human corpse sitting over there and talk about something unrelated? We are? Okay, cool, just checking."
"Dude, both of us had to die to get here. It's not that big of a deal." Satou chided snarkily, making my irritation rise once more before he picked a small brown book off a nearby console, dusting it off with a quizzical look. "Huh. Hey, Goggles? What do you make of this?"
Wanting to distract myself from the skeleton, I grabbed the book from Satou's hand and skimmed through the pages. All of it was in Japanese. At least that confirms Mr. Bones over there was from our world after all.
"You're from Japan, right?" I asked my fellow Earthling before opening the book in front of him. "Translate."
"Oh, just like that, huh? I'm not Google, man, you can't just shove shit in my face and expect me to deal with it on the fly!" Satou whined, only to cave a few seconds later after I gestured to the book again. "Eris above, you're such a dick. Gimme that!"
Snatching the book from my hand, Satou flipped it open and started to read the contents aloud. As annoying as he could be, I had to give him props for one simple fact; the man knew how to capture an audience.
Day: ?
So these corporate big shots want me to build a mobile fortress for next to nothing by Friday. Cheapskates. They asked me what I would need for a power source - hell if I know! Just to get these money-grubbing pigs off my back, I asked them to find something impossibly rare: Coronatite.
Day: ?
Dammit! They actually brought some back! I wasn't counting on that. Great, now that means I have to get up off my lazy ass and actually get to work on this thing. If I don't get it done by the deadline, it'll be the execution sentence for sure!
Day: ?
Well, I got the blueprints ready, even if it was accidental. I was mulling over the design in my room when I saw the NASTIEST looking spider scuttle across my desk. I swatted it with some paper and, as a joke to the higher-ups, submitted it as one of the potential designs. Surprisingly, they loved it; even went as far as to compliment me on the "details" and "realism". Imbeciles.
Whatever, I don't really care. Let's just get this thing done and over with...
Day: ?
OH MY GOD! THE DESTROYER'S GONE HAYWIRE! THE KINGDOM HAS FALLEN! EVERYONE'S DEAD!
But, then again, this thing does technically work as instructed...So hey - nice job, me. Anyway, there's no way to turn it off and I can't seem to find a way to get down, so I think I'll just spend the rest of my days up here. Seriously, what kind of an idiot forgets to build an off switch!?
Oh, wait...I'm the idiot who forgot to build an off switch...
"Well...shit. There are layers to the idiocy that we just endured, but I think we all know what the biggest problem is." Satou announced as he shut the book, sending me a far more fearful look than I'd even seen him make before. "There's no off switch on this thing, which means that Wiz's plan really is our best bet."
I roared in a mixture of anger and frustration as my previous concerns regarding the skeleton evaporated when I throttled him. "This is why you build off switches on robots: to prevent behavioral redundancy! Why do you think I put my robots' switches on the back of their heads, huh!? FOR EASY ACCESS! You're a lazy, unambitious loser and I hate you!"
"So...what do we do now?" Megumin asked from Aqua's back, barely able to raise her head to look at me with genuine concern. "I mean, Wiz's plan still works, but we're probably a minute or so away from them given how big this place is. We don't even know how much time is left before the place detonates!"
I know I've said before that I was through with relying on Shen Gong Wu, but times like these really made me wish I had a few on me, like the Falcon's Eye so I could see through the walls and find the stupid core. Sometimes I hate magic.
"Wait here, I'll go find her," I grumbled even as my HeliBot lifted me up in the air. "I can cover more ground and fast when I fly. Oh, and while I'm gone, somebody desecrate that morons' remains for me, will ya? Thanks."
I didn't wait for a reply as I was already flying out of the room and through the hallways at top speed. The place was a labyrinth, and a bland one at that; hardly any décor to speak of. A little splash of color at the very least would've gone a long way to make the inside of this mech slightly less bland. Another sign that the cretin who built this was a talentless hack. I'm glad he died alone.
Well, anyhow, even though I had no idea where I was going, I figured the core would be located in the middle of the construct, so that's where I tried to roughly steer myself to whenever there was a fork in the road. My logical assumption proved fruitful when I eventually entered what seemed to be the engine room. Everyone else was already there and staring up at a tall capsule containing what sorta looked like a miniature star that was on the verge of becoming a supernova. Tangled cables and wires were hooked into the base, presumably circulating its power throughout the Destroyer and keeping the self-destruct sequence active.
"So, this the 'Corntit' thing or what?" I demanded soon after landing and giving everyone a spook. "I read about it in the pilot's diary. This is what's powering the Destroyer, right?"
"If you mean Coronatite, then yes. This is the Destroyer's power source." Chris supplied, shooting me a brief, curious look before turning her gaze back to the core and frowning. "I'm no engineer, but it doesn't look too stable at the moment. We probably need to make a choice soon."
I immediately looked over to Wiz. "You mentioned something before about teleporting the core elsewhere, yeah? That sounds like our safest bet. I'd dismantle the generator, but I don't know how long that would take. Plus, I'm still kinda lagging behind on magic tech, so it'd probably just take me longer anyway."
"Like I said before, I can teleport it away, but there is substantial risk in doing so." Wiz reiterated, a light purple glow circling her hands as she scanned the group around her with evident uncertainty in her eyes. "What happens if it lands somewhere populated, like a city or village? We could be risking just as many lives with this spell…"
"Really Wiz?" I said in disbelief before shaking my head. "Listen, I know we're on the clock here, but tell me something real quick. How long have you been travelling the country for?"
The lich seemed surprised by my question, taking a moment to consider her answer before offering it, hesitant as ever. "I...I suppose around a hundred or so years, give or take a few before I settled down."
There was a definite surprised murmur amongst the other adventurers, likely brought on from the fact they were out of the loop when it came to her status as an undead. I didn't bother to sit and think about the potential consequences, however. I was in the middle of schooling this lich on the basics of probability.
"Okay, now tell me: in all that time you spent covering the kingdom, how often did you come across a sprawling, urban metropolis? Now to be clear, I'm not asking how many you've visited, I'm asking how often you happened to run into them without careful planning."
"Well...I suppose not terribly often. The only real example I can think of is the capital itself, and my visit there was admittedly brief." Wiz replied, a touch more certainty entering her voice, though her expression remained mixed. "Still, low chance is not equivalent to no chance, is it?"
"Unless it's our only option," I commented before elaborating. "See, where I come from, there's nearly eight billion humans crowding the place. Despite the overpopulation, we still build cities and homes wherever we possibly can. Unless you were planning on a nature hike or lived somewhere rural, you'd be hard-pressed to accidentally wander into a forest or grassy meadow. But here's the kicker: this is a medieval kingdom. The whole country is an Amish dream come true! The probability of the core teleporting into a densely urban environment is 10,003 to 1! Trust me, I did the math just now. I may lie and cheat, but numbers certainly don't."
Wiz frowned deeply, and as she turned to the rest of the assembled parties, she didn't see much understanding from any of them. After a moment or two, Chris stepped up and cleared her throat, apparently the only one willing to bring this shitshow standoff to a close.
"Look, we probably have seconds until this thing explodes, and as big of a jerk as Spicer can be, he's not wrong when it comes to this kinda stuff." She assured the group, her eyes sharp with a determination the rest of the adventurers were sorely lacking. "You have to use the spell, Wiz. It's the only real option. Either that, or we're all toast."
The well-endowed undead lady glanced between me and Chris nervously, seemingly unsure of what to do. Come on, Wiz, you've been alive(-ish) for longer than I have, and I'm an incredible genius! Surely she's old and wise enough to know I'm correct, right?
"A-alright. Alright, I'll do it. Just...give me a moment." She ultimately stated, taking a deep breath and stepping a bit closer to the core, the sustained magical glow around her hands slowly burning brighter as she reached out, prepared to cast her teleportation spell.
"Teleport!"
And…that was it. With very little fanfare, the unstable core was gone, and the Destroyer hummed as all of its reserved power died down. The lights switched off and that left us all standing in the dark, likely thinking to ourselves, Wow, that was easy!
"Welp, outta sight, outta mind!" I lightly cheered, resting the back of my neck on my hands as I turned to walk away. "I'm gonna go loot that gift shop I heard about in the broadcast. Later losers!"
"As villainous as ever, Spicer. Have fun with your looting." Chris snarked as I departed, visibly less irritated by my flippant dismissal than Taylor and the rest of his party. "Save me something shiny! Oh, and don't forget your friends! I figure thieving minds think alike, so Kazuma probably wanted to get in on the scrounging too."
"Like hell he is!" I shouted as I broke into a sudden sprint when I turned the first corner. "I already called dibs!"
The next few minutes were...well, noisy for sure. Turns out, Chris was dead on about Satou and the girls, all three of which were dicking around in the gift shop by the time I arrived. I nearly dropped kicked the cloaked moron over a magic toaster oven the second I saw it in his hands. However, Aqua explained that she and Megumin had actually already worked out a deal on my behalf.
"Whatever Kazuma can carry in one go is his. Everything else is ours! Either way, we get the bigger haul!" Megumin explained, still lounging on Aqua's back, though at this point I did suspect that she just didn't want to walk on her own yet. "Honestly, there's not too much of interest here, though. It's mostly just trinkets and a few magic doodads."
"Free stuff's still free, ain't it?" I asked rhetorically while mindlessly shoveling magic devices and silly knickknacks into an empty sack. Honestly, this felt really nice, us chatting over nothing again. It was almost like there wasn't any relationship drama between us. "Besides, might as well get something out of this whole endeavor. I deserve that much for putting my second life on the line when I didn't have to."
"Ah, yes, because the lives of everyone in the town we all live in isn't payment enough. How right you are, Goggles." Satou scoffed from across the way, throwing some assorted junk into his own small sack while shooting me an unimpressed glare. "I'm no saint, don't get it twisted, but you seriously can't even find a little bit of pride in doing the right thing?"
I stuck my tongue in disgust as I continued my amazing looting spree. "Me? Doing the right thing? Dude, get over yourself. Only reason I came back was because I didn't feel like building a new evil lair. So don't start spreading any rumors about how I'm a 'goody-two-shoes Samaritan' or what have you. I got a reputation to keep up – Hey, a bobblehead! Score!"
As I stowed away the score of a trinket, my eyes flicked upward on instinct and I found myself suddenly meeting Aqua's gaze. The water goddess, who up until that very moment had been fairly lighthearted, was now staring at me with an uncomfortably thoughtful and concerned expression. Not exactly a look best suited for an airhead like her.
"Jack...you don't really mean that, right?" She asked softly, tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy who'd just had it's favorite toy confiscated. "I mean, people could have died if Wiz and the others hadn't done something. That has to bother you at least a little, even with this evil shtick aside."
"I mean…it's not like I knew them all that well to begin with," I replied hesitantly, suddenly being reminded of that girl in Hong Kong who I thought was in danger and pushed out of the way, only to seal my own fate for literally no reason as a result. "Besides, it's not like I would've been responsible for their deaths anyhow. I wasn't the one who built a shoddy walker with a self-destruct failsafe. So why should I be...y'know, b-bothered by it?"
The silence that followed was heavy, like a cloud of smog. Aqua's eyes lingered on me, her lips drawn into a tight frown, and suddenly I had the startling realization that they definitely didn't see things the same way I did. I could stand Satou's traitorous mutters and disappointed glare, but Aqua's...well, it meant more somehow. Just like when Darkness had called me out before, it struck deeper than normal.
And I didn't like it one bit.
"Maybe...maybe we should just talk about this later." Megumin suggested from atop Aqua, her tone dipping similarly while still holding onto the slightest bit of enthusiasm. "Obviously, while Jack likes to play the 'bad guy' every now and then, he wouldn't just leave people to die, us least of all! We're a team, after all! So, let's just...talk about this later tonight or something, yeah? I think we could all use some rest first."
Fuck, I was really hoping they would forget about the scheduled talk later tonight. Also, they're not even pretending like they believe I'm evil anymore! Damnit, Spicer, you Jacked things up again! What the hell is wrong with you, dumbass!?
"Listen, you three clearly have some stuff to work out. I'd go with the explosive midget's suggestion and dish it out somewhere private, but hey, what do I know? I'm just some guy who died once." Satou interjected like that irritating bug he was, hefting over his loot sack and heading for the door. "Welp, I gotta find Yunyun and make sure Dust and his buddies don't give her too much trouble. See you around, Goggles. Tiny. Aqua."
Just like that, I was all alone. Well, technically untrue, Aqua and Megumin were still in the room with me, but…somehow that didn't make me feel less alone at that moment in time.
"...right. So, should we start heading out, then?" Aqua asked pleasantly, seemingly stuffing away her concerns for later with a relaxed smile, one which made my stomach churn slightly thanks to my nerves. "Darkness is probably still standing around outside, and daylight's a-wasting!"
Before I could mumble anything that even remotely sounded like a noise of confirmation, I suddenly felt the temperature in the room start to rise. It was enough to where I could begin to feel beads of sweat form on my forehead. Also didn't help that I was overdressed in a black, leather trench coat, either.
"Yeah, that...that doesn't feel good." Megumin groaned, wrapping her arms around Aqua's neck and shooting me a panicked look. "Ok, seriously. I think we need to go! Like, now!"
"Agreed," I stated plainly as we booked it out of the gift shop with our precious junk in tow. As we ran looking for the nearest exit, the building heat got more and more intense as pipes began bursting steam. By the time the girls and I found a hole to the main deck, the metal on the Destroyer was a red hot, and even though we were wearing shoes as we ran across it, the stinging sensation was enough to make us wince with each step. Thank Granny Spicer for gifting me with my trusty HeliBot.
"You really couldn't whip one of those up for us!?" Aqua whined as she followed closely behind, lugging Megumin all the way. A few seconds later, we made it off the scorching hot wreck, landing next to Darkness and the rest of the adventurers, all of whom seemed to have made it out no worse for wear.
Well, you can't win everything.
"Oh, what now!?" I complained to nobody but myself. "Don't tell me that two-bit 'scientist' forgot to build a coolant system on top of forgetting the off switch!"
As if the machine itself had been waiting for such a declaration, the hull of the formerly fearsome Destroyer promptly exploded into an admittedly beautiful fireworks display of purple, white, and red. Honestly, it helped lighten the mood a little, with all of us basking in the colorful display, going "oooo" and "ahhhh" whenever appropriate.
Once the unexpected firework show concluded, we were all left standing in the now quiet field with the sun about ready to set over the horizon. Don't get me wrong, for as pretty as that all was back there, I'll admit, that whole sequence of events was...rather anticlimactic, no?
"Huh," I grunted aloud. "I thought that was gonna be a lot worse."
Of course, as soon as I finished speaking, that's when I failed to notice a falling piece of debris in time. Last thing I remembered was a splitting pain to the noggin before everything went black.
When I opened my eyes, the first thing to greet me was my bedroom ceiling. With a subdued groan, I reached up to my head and lightly brushed the...bandages, vaguely recalling the moments before I'd lost consciousness. It certainly stung like a mothertrucker, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me, all things considered.
After carefully unwrapping the bandages (they completely hid my villainous red hair), the first thing I did was check my pockets for the emotion chips. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt my fingertips graze the electronic components. Everything about yesterday would've been the absolute worst if it ended with me somehow losing some of my robots' memories and emotions. Gotta learn to appreciate the small victories in life, Jack.
"The girls must've put me in here while I was out cold," I mumbled to myself as I slid out of bed, taking a moment to look out the window and see that it really was the next day. "Would've preferred my lab but…ah, whatever."
Gently rubbing my sore head, I slogged over to open my door, only to bump into the back of a JackBot when I did. The bot rotated his head a full 180 degrees to look at me in surprise. Even though his faceplate couldn't physically emote it, I could just tell what he was feeling anyway. I know my children like the back of my hand.
"Oh! Uh, JB-Devastator," I greeted once I collected my bearings. "Did not know you were on bedroom guard duty this week. What's up?"
"Good morning, Sir. I volunteered to guard you while your partners got some rest." JB-D3V4574702 intoned simply, moving aside slightly and gesturing down the hall. "I believe they currently reside in the kitchen, if you feel well enough to check in with them."
I audibly gulped at that, which did not go by unnoticed. JB-D3V4574702 awkwardly scratched the back of his cylindrical head with his claws and offered, "If you'd like…I can escort you there myself?"
"…y-yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks, man."
With my bot leading the fray, I slowly made my way down the hallway towards the kitchen, and the girls within. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, irrationally nervous about what was going to happen the second that I entered the room. Truth be told, I wasn't ready for that little "chat" we had planned, and now that another day had passed, I was certain that the girls would be some form of antsy.
I felt thinly sharp metal fingers wrap around my hands, delicately so as to not accidentally pierce the skin. I looked back down at JB-D3V4574702, who looked back up at me with soft glowing red photoreceptors.
"Whatever happens in there, you'll still have us," he reassured softly. "Robo Bros before hoes, remember? You programmed us to never forget that."
"That's true, I did. Thanks, JB." I muttered quietly in thanks, before making a small motion of zipping lips. "Also, while I appreciate the solidarity, try not to say that in front of them, alright? Call me crazy, but I don't think that'd end terribly well for me."
D3V4574702 did his best attempt at a chuckle, which was basically a low buzz that kept getting cut off rhythmically. "You got it, Master."
Smirking at the cheeky droid, I let go of his hand and braced myself before opening the door to the kitchen. My party was gathered around one of the countertops, and whatever they were talking about amongst each other died as soon as they noticed me enter the picture. It became a Western stare-off between us until I managed to work up the nerve to say something hopefully casual sounding.
"Mornin'…" I greeted curtly. Really hope what Dad said about women being able to smell fear wasn't true. If so, then I must reek to them right about now (although that might just be from sleeping in yesterday's work clothes).
"Good morning, Jack. We were starting to wonder when you'd wake up." Darkness greeted with a polite nod, her tone betraying no other emotion outside of some light concern. "How are you feeling? That was quite the hit to the head you took while we were...distracted."
Almost on instinct, I gently rubbed my cranium, which was gradually becoming less sore by the minute. "Could be better, but I think I'll live. That injury couldn't make it into my Top 10 even if it tried. Say, did Aqua use healing magic on me while I was out or what?"
"Yeah, I gave you a healthy dose. You should be back to normal in the next few minutes or so, really." Aqua confirmed, her usual bright smile back on her face where it usually sat. "Speaking of which, we actually have something to tell you. Apparently, someone from the capital has summoned our party to the guild hall. We're probably in for a huge reward!"
"Wow, really? Sweet!" I said, pleasantly caught off guard as I went to grab a Coke from the magic fridge that was here when we moved in. "Up until now, we've only been able to break even with quest rewards. Who knows, maybe now we can finally start to have disposable income."
"It'd definitely be nice to not have to worry about going broke anytime soon." Megumin agreed from her spot by the kitchen table, looking pretty stoked about the prospect. "Still, there's no telling what they actually want from us till we check in, right?"
I hummed in mutual agreement as I took a sip from my can. After sighing in carbonated satisfaction, I said, "Well, we better not keep our fans waiting then, huh? Let's roll. GUARDBOTS! WATCH OVER THE HOUSE, DADDY'S HEADING OUT!"
With that, the girls and I departed the mansion, heading into town for what I hoped to be a worthy prize. However, my good mood started to wane slightly as I noticed the girls glancing at one another, almost like they were having a silent discussion. Suddenly, my unease regarding our long avoided talk about feelings was kicked back into overdrive.
"Jack, if you have a moment, perhaps we should discuss some things." Darkness eventually requested, her eyes shining with that same look of concern and seriousness that was becoming all too common as of late. I think I liked her better when she was a hopeless masochist and absolutely nothing else beyond that...
"If this is about the whole 'not getting blown up for a third time' thing, don't worry, Megumin and I can work something out for you," I said while continuing to look straight ahead. Just play dumb until you get to the guild, Jack, just play dumb. "That atom bomb offer is still on the table too, you know."
"Wha, I-I do not...this has nothing to do with anything b-blowing up!" Darkness refuted, though I could tell I succeeded in tripping her up, even if momentarily, with the offer. Just another minute or so and I'll be outta the woods for another few hours. "Jack, I've had a discussion with Aqua and Megumin, and we all agreed that, if we are to stick together as a party, perhaps we should talk about-"
"Oh, hey, wow, look at that! We're here!" I whooped victoriously once the guild hall was in sight. "Race you to the top of the stairs? Last one there is a rotten egg roll!"
Like clockwork, both Aqua and Megumin folded on the flip of a dime, stumbling up the stairs after me while insisting that I was a rotten cheat, with Darkness lingering at the bottom for a few seconds. She huffed a small sigh of annoyance before eventually coming up after us, at least taking some solace in the fact she ended up being the "rotten egg roll". Exactly how things ought to be.
Once Aqua and Megumin settled down and Darkness had her little moment of shame, the four of us proudly stepped into the guild. Immediately, I could tell things were different as there was a semicircle of adventurers around this – oh come on! Yet another stunning babe!? Seriously, why were all the guys and gals of this world so damn hot!? It's so frustrating for an inexperienced young lad such as myself!
Anyway, the babe in question was decked out in a blue skirt suit with gold trimming, matching beret, and classy rectangular glasses, giving her the vibe of someone of high status and intellect. Around her stood a quartet of heavily armored guards, all of which regarded my party with their expressions hidden behind thick metal helmets.
"You are the one they call Jack Spicer, are you not?" the woman said in a tone that made it sound like she already knew the answer and was just practicing common etiquette.
"In the flesh!" I answered regardless, deciding to put on a self-congratulatory display. "No autographs, please. I'm swamped as is~"
To my surprise, instead of praising me, or at the very least thanking me for my part in the prior day's shenanigans, the woman's eyes narrowed dangerously in my direction. After offering a sharp nod to the nearest guard, all four of them drew their swords and pointed them directly at my throat.
"Jack Spicer, you are accused of treason of the highest order, due to your actions resulting in a devastating attack against Belzerg's capital and the injuries of nearly a hundred of Her Majesty's subjects!" She declared with all the stoic fury I'd expect from a proper supervillain, an angry scowl rising on her face. "As such, you are to be executed for your crimes, along with any of your co-conspirators! What say you, terrorist?"
"Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah, REWIND!" I screeched over my posse's own cries of confusion. I did not see this coming in the slightest! "I've never been to the capital, I don't even know where that is! What are you talking about?"
"Testimony was provided by the shopkeeper known as Wiz that you encouraged her to teleport the core of the Destroyer, despite the dangers in doing so! As such, you are responsible for the destruction caused to our capital and will be held fully accountable!" The woman explained, with murmurs starting up in the surrounding crowd of adventurers as she and the guards inched closer. "Surrender yourself, now, before things have to escalate."
But, but…but 10,003 to 1, though…I'd have to be incredibly lucky if I wanted to intentionally bomb a nation's capital by sheer chance!
…or incredibly unlucky to land myself in unnecessary hot water – I knew it! My godawful luck stat did the improbable, and the unthinkable! I wasn't ready to go balls deep into picking a fight with this kingdom's government. If I wanted to attack the capital, I would've done it only after I usurped the Devil King, secured enough borders for myself, and amassed a giant army of robots to wreak havoc and mayhem in the streets!
Bombing the capital, on the other hand? Tasteless, even for me. Evil's gotta have some double-standards you know.
So, as my blue-haired harpy of a companion shook my shoulders while hysterically crying, all I could think at that moment was…Why me?
The snow started to pick up like crazy by the time I made it to the rendezvous point. This easily had to be one of the worst winter seasons I've ever had to endure in all my travels. I've heard the local legends 'round here, 'bout how the "Winter Shogun" dictates the severity of this time of the year. Can't be a regional deity though if the Axel Adventurer's Guild put a kill quest on it. Either way, someone must've really pissed that thing off if we're getting weather like this.
I'd been touching through the light stuff for about ten or so minutes when I started to feel the cold really kick in. The awful bitin' kind of cold, that cuts through the warmest coat ya got. 'Course, considering my attire, that didn't matter much, along with the fact that I was only a few more minutes away from the agreed upon rendezvous point.
Making sure the strap on the duffle bag was securely wrapped 'round my shoulder, I trudged on through the dark forest until I finally reached my destination: an abandoned log cabin plopped right in the middle o' nowhere. Don't know what the story behind it was, don't really care either. All that mattered was this would be where I collected my due and moved on to my next gig.
In other words? Same old, same old. I'm a simple man in that regard; wherever the money goes, I go with it. That's just business.
Once I reached the front door of the cabin, I knocked on it in a specific manner before uttering the…ugh, "secret passphrase" I was given when I got this job.
"...Banana bread…"
After a beat or two of painful silence, the door slowly swung open, revealing the armored mountain of a woman on the other side, who stared down at me with cold amber eyes that practically seemed to glow in the cold dusk around us.
"My apologies, both for the trek you've endured and the pitiful excuse of a code phrase." She stated with all the emotion of a damn rock. All the same, she stepped out of the doorway and gestured inside. "Please, come in. We'll be sure to keep this short."
Nodding politely, I entered the cabin and was greeted by an open fireplace basking a small portion of the room in a comforting orange hue while another woman, this one a priestess, huddled close by it to keep warm. If the horror stories surrounding the Devil King's fabled daughter and her right-hand woman were true, then what I've seen so far from them was a complete 180 from what I expected. While cut-throat in their dealings like any servant to a dark lord, they've managed to maintain an air of cordial civility throughout each meeting, and even managed to let slip a little humanity every once and a while.
Suppose that's one of the perks of being an unaffiliated freelancer: you get to meet all kinds of colorful characters in your travels.
"Banana bread? Really?" The armored one remarked snidely as she joined her fellow general beside the fireplace with an unamused expression. "Everyday, you somehow both impress and disappoint me more and more with your idiocy."
"Oh shove it, Akarui! It worked just fine, didn't it?" The priestess bit out in return, casting her fellow a brief glare before her gaze settled on me, sharp like a predator inspecting a small animal, judging whether it's prey or not. "About time you showed up. I assume you have one hell of a status report, given the rumors we heard on our way here."
"You could say that, yeah. Not everyday a man has a run-in with the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and lives to tell the tale," I replied simply, no heat in my tone. If I got mad at every one of my clients for their poor attitude, I'd either be broke or six feet under. "But, against all odds, the people of Axel managed to take that thing down by the skin of their teeth. Doubt they could've pulled it off on their own though without the help of their, and I quote, 'resident genius'."
"Resident genius, hmm?" The armored one repeated, turning to face me with an intrigued expression that was markedly more welcoming than the priestess'. "Please, elaborate. Who exactly are you referring to, and how has he earned such a title?"
Now that was going to be a challenge to put into words.
"Psssh, let's see, where do I even begin with that one…?" I muttered to myself as I idly played with the top of my mohawk. "Well, for starters, his name is Jack Spicer, and the only reason I know that is because he likes to let everyone know it every chance he gets. He's got all the mannerisms of a Crimson Demon, though I don't believe he truly is one. I say that because he actually has one of those nutjobs in his party and, other than the matching red eyes, they don't look much alike. Got bright red hair that makes my eyes hurt just lookin' at it and pale white skin like he were a ghoul. He's one of those smart-mouthed, city slicker types; all bark and no bite. He'll gloat about how he's gonna 'rule the world' one minute and cry for twenty when he stubs his toe on a table leg. In short, the kid is a hot mess of a human being."
"Hmm, he sounds awfully familiar, to be frank." The armored general remarked with the smallest of smirks, pointedly ignoring the withering glare that her fellow general was sendin' her way. "Still, as irritating as that sounds, I'm not sure how any of that has earned him the title of 'genius'?"
"Well, other than being really good at math, he has this…almost fetish for creating these strange metal constructs," I explained carefully. "Like, I wanna say they're golems, but apparently they're not since he'll go on a rant about it otherwise. I think he calls 'em 'bots' or something, but, honestly, the city boy's so damn chatty that everything he says sounds like white noise. Whatever they are, they're harder, faster, and in some cases stronger than golems. Supposedly don't even run on magic if you can believe it."
"Magicless golems, huh? That...actually does sound like quite the strength, honestly." The priestess admitted, seeming to momentarily forget her ongoing feud with her partner as she cupped her chin and frowned, like she was thinkin' extra hard or something. "I don't suppose you were kind enough to bring us an example of these 'bots', right?"
"As a matter of fact, I was," I said as I moved to the coffee table in front of us and gripped the duffle bag I was carrying. "During' the fight against the Destroyer, that Jack kid had a whole bunch of these flying ones attack it while he was manning what can only be described as a 50 foot metal statue of himself. I snagged the head of one of the broken flying ones after the battle…"
Unzipping the duffle bag, I poured it over and dumped out its contents. A few pieces of loose metal flew out before the "head" landed on the table with a loud clang, actually making the priestess jump ever so slightly. When it landed, some of the exposed…uh, colorful strings (I guess) sparked and the eyes flickered for a bit as it spoke in a distorted, monotone voice.
"L-L-L-Loading personality…E-E-E-Error: emotion chip not found. P-P-P-Please provide this unit with a heart and sooouuulll…"
After the head went dormant again, I glanced up at the two demon generals, not quite sure what to expect from either of them. Stunned silence and wide eyes certainly wasn't on the short list I had compiled. Hell, the priestess even looked the slightest bit pale as she practically gawked at the head on the table, taking what I could only guess was a precautionary step back.
"You...Akarui, you don't think-"
"Not now, Serena. We'll discuss later." The armored one bit out hastily, obviously just as distressed as her comrade but with a much better poker face. Moving with unexpected speed, she turned on her heel and grabbed a decently sized pouch from a nearby cabinet, tossing it in my direction with barely a second glance. "Your payment, sir. Now, if that is all, I must request that you leave us immediately."
"Uh…right," I reluctantly agreed, picking up my now empty duffle bag and showing myself to the door. Before I reached for the knob, however, I did risk asking one question. Normally, it's not wise for a politically and morally disinterested freelancer to ask his clients too many questions, but something about their reactions when I showed them that busted up tin can made me need to speak up.
"Just…one thing before I get outta your hair," I asked evenly, not taking the risk of looking back at my clients when I spoke. "Exactly how deep in shit are we all in right now?"
There was another beat of silence, one that seemed to have resulted in the two generals working out some form of agreement since I actually ended up receiving a proper answer from the armored one.
"If this thing is what we think it is...then we're deeper than we can hope to dig ourselves out."
I think I made the right call in breaking up the Destroyer episode into two chapters. This second half was quite the lengthy one, not that that's a bad thing per say I don't think.
Also, SEASON ONE IS DONE, FOLKS! We did it!
Huge thanks are in order to my partner in crime, Megapanda25, who've you no doubt heard me gush before in my past Author's Notes. I helped him with his story, and now he's helping me with mine. Not only did we blast through this chapter together, but he also helped breathe a little bit of some life into all the characters (I mainly covered Jack). I plan for things to start deviating a lot more from Konosuba canon starting Season Two, you can probably already tell by now. In the meantime, it would probably be in my best interest to start plotting out the roadmap for the story as a whole before I carry on. I'm already taking a bit of a risk with that POV shift at the end there (which I personally get giddy over tbh), so I would like to sort my ideas out before I accidentally jump the shark.
Next chapter will likely be another intermission from Earth, so until then, please, leave your reviews and tell me what you think of the story thus far. What you think works, what could be improved, all that good stuff. How will Jack and CO. get out of this one, I wonder? Stay tuned to find out!
