I took a long, hearty swig of my latest ale and leaned back in my chair with a satisfied sigh. I was so happy to finally have a chance to cut loose again and get my fill of bubbly! At first, I'd planned to just grab a bite from the guild and then head back to the mansion, but when Kazuma and Yunyun waved me over offering me a round...well, who was I to refuse good fortune?
"A-are you sure you don't want me to pay for the tab, Kazuma?" Yunyun shyly asked her partner. "It just feels wrong not covering for a…f-friend's lunch. Funifura and Dodonko taught me that back at the academy and they had lots of friends themselves."
"Not in the slightest, Yun. No reason I can't pay for a few drinks," Kazuma assured her with a relaxed smile, before lightly bumping her arm and shooting her a pointed look. "And I assume your 'friends' back home made you pay for plenty of meals, which you will never have to do for me, understand?"
The poor girl pursed her lips and looked to be on the verge of tearing up after hearing that. Nevertheless, Yunyun wiped her eyes and gave Kazuma a determined nod before going in for a quick hug, which he gladly returned. Cuteness overload! My scared goddess heart can't take it!
"Fufufu. Y'know, I have to admit, I'm impressed with how close you've managed to become with that one," I commented teasingly after taking another big swig of my ale. So long as it didn't touch my lips too much, I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally purifying the alcoholic content. "No offense, but I took you as a shut-in NEET the first time we met, especially when you were still wearing that wrinkly old tracksuit."
"Wow, you really have such a way with words. Ever consider taking up poetry?" Kazuma snarked in a sarcastic tone, though a smile still lingered on his lips, one I couldn't help but return. Living in the mortal realm has kinda taught me not to take every mocking tone towards me too super seriously. "Honestly, no real offense taken. I wasn't exactly the pinnacle of anything special when I first arrived here. I wouldn't have expected much from me either."
"That's not true, Kazuma! You're plenty special!" Yunyun boldly proclaimed. Seems he was beginning to rub off on her after all (and not in the gross way like I'd originally suspected). "Sure, your stats and class may not be anything to write home about, but you make the best with what you have and you do it phenomenally! Crimson Demons were taught that Basic Magic was a waste of skill points and that you'd be better off saving for Advanced or even Intermediate Magic. Yet I see you use simple spells in ways I've never even considered! You're very versatile!"
"C'mon, Yun. You're making me blush. It's really not that impressive," Kazuma refuted with a short shake of his head, before turning back to me and jabbing a finger my way. "You, on the other hand, are. I couldn't begin to learn half the spells you use, let alone put them to good use. Even if a few of the more frequent ones are just elaborate party tricks, you can't argue with the results."
"I know, I know. My skills are super-duper amazing, aren't they? I suppose it just comes with being me!" I reaffirmed with my chin held high and proud. A snort rudely undercut my moment of pride and I leveled a glare at Kazuma. "Hey, that was a scoff, wasn't it? Don't try to pull a fast one on me, boy. I may be tipsy but I'm nowhere near blackout drunk yet!"
"Oh, I'd never even dream of it. Just...wish I had your confidence, I suppose," Kazuma defended, though the look on his face didn't exactly inspire the most confidence. Still, he continued, managing to pique my interest a bit. "Back home, I was...well, a bit of a hikikomori, as you figured. I wasn't exactly going out on the town and making conversation with strangers. Just seems like it'd be child's play for you, though."
"Well…you seem to be adjusting just fine on my end," I commented, leaning over the countertop I bit. "I mean, you're holding a conversation with me right now, aren't you? Plus, I've seen you chat with Dust's party and that one guy with the mohawk. Although I haven't really seen him as of late now that I think about it…hmm, weird."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe I'm just out of practice or something," Kazuma mused, taking another swig of his drink before continuing to muse with an odd expression on his face. "I guess I just mesh well with certain people over others? Like Yun, or Dust, or you. You're all pretty different personality wise, but I'm able to talk to you guys without much of a hassle...stranger things have happened, I guess."
"Eh, who knows? I just don't think about stuff too hard! It's worked out well enough for me in the past," I commented, turning in my stool to properly face the young man and lay down some sage advice. "In fact, that reminds me of a certain teaching I preach to my followers: 'No matter what you do in life, you will most likely regret it later anyway. Therefore, just do what makes you the happiest in the moment and don't dwell on the consequences!' Those words of wisdom should help if you're trying to recover from hikikomori status."
"...you know, it's honestly mind-boggling that that comes off as inspirational at all," Kazuma snorted after a moment, before nodding to himself and shrugging his shoulders. "Oh well, that's enough with the heavy stuff. On to better and brighter discussions! I heard that you and your party mates have really been knocking out the big ones, huh?"
"That we have!" I chirped, pointedly ignoring the bash he made on my profound and godly advice. "Some of those quests have been up there since late summer, so we've had a lot to choose from! I'm sure you've no doubt heard about how we took out the One-Shot Bear a few days ago, courtesy of our lovely crusader~"
"I did! Gotta admit, never would have expected that one!" Kazuma replied with a bright smile, no doubt intrigued by the development like most of the other adventurers who'd heard of Darkness' improvement. "I have to say, you guys really managed to make some heads turn around here. You're working your butts off to pay off Iris' fee, and it's kind of amazing how far you four have come."
"I know, right!?" I agreed excitedly, the thought of our amazing progress filling me to the brim with glee! "If we keep going at the rate we're going, we'll have paid off the debt in no time! And while the girls and I definitely deserve praise, really, we gotta hand it to our party leader. Jack's gadgets and fancy doodads may not complement the fantasy vibe, but they sure make our lives a lot more convenient!"
And just like that, Kazuma's smile vanished. His entire posture shifted as he became rigid and tense, with a brief scowl passing his face before he composed himself enough to work it down to a normal frown. Still, he grumbled a muted, half-hearted agreement before taking another swig of his drink, missing the concerned look I shot at his partner.
In all the excitement, I might've forgotten about the beef Kazuma and Jack still had with each other. Oopsie…
Luckily, Yunyun seemed to know what to do. The timid Crimson Demon gently placed her hand atop Kazuma's clenched fist, causing his tense shoulders to loosen a little. When he turned to look at her, she stared up at him, eyes wide and full of concern for her partner. That seemed to be enough to cool Kazuma down as he gave her a small smile and even patted the top of her head. Were they always this adorable together and I just didn't see it sooner?
"Sorry for making a scene, Aqua. Things are still just a bit...complicated, on that end," He murmured quietly, much more subdued than before as he drummed his free hand on the table. "I know after a certain point, it's better to just let things go, but...fuck, it's not that easy when it comes to Spicer."
"Yeah, I'll admit, he can be a real piece of work," I agreed with a soft nod. "But what do you mean when you say it's complicated with you? After all that's happened, I'd assume you'd just hate him at this point, plain and simple."
Kazuma paused, eyebrows furrowed and mouth drawn into a tight frown as he considered his words before answering, which I found bizarre given our prior conversations.
"It'd be so easy to hate him, wouldn't it? To brush him aside as another pompous jackass who only cares about satiating his ego and call it a day...but that's not entirely true, and deep down it bugs me...because, in some ways, I think I see a little bit of me in him."
I accidentally did a spit-take on Kazuma when he admitted that.
Despite glaring daggers at me for it, I looked him square in the eye and pleaded, "For the love of Me, PLEASE don't tell me you want to take over the world too. Seriously, I cannot deal with having two megalomaniacs in my life right now."
"Ah, no. Not what I was referring to. We're both safe in that department," Kazuma retorted, even managing a ghost of a smile over my sentiment in spite of the backwash dripping from his hair. "I just mean...there's a lot we have in common. We're both from Earth, we were both kinda lonely before biting the big one, we both have an unconventional sense of humor and morality...I don't know, maybe I'm just seeing connections where there aren't any. But I always figured eventually Spicer and I would be able to hash things out."
Huh. I never thought of it like that, but now that he mentioned it…yeah, I guess they do have a few similarities. Truthfully, if Jack wasn't such a confrontational prick, I could kinda see him and Kazuma getting along for the most part. It'd certainly be better than watching them silently sneer at each other all the time.
"Listen, I know Jack can be a real pain, like, ninety percent of the time. But it's not entirely his fault," I lightly defended, holding up my hands to placate Kazuma as he spared me another unamused glare. "Look, while we were out in hiding after Sena tried to arrest us, we talked to him about...well, a lot of a stuff. To put it simply, Jack was terrified that we were gonna abandon him at the first sign of trouble. It took him half a dang year just for him to understand that we well and truly have his back."
Kazuma and his partner stared at me in surprise, with the latter having covered her mouth and on the verge of crying again. That must've hit close to home for poor Yunyun, especially given what Megumin's told me about her during their school days together. Eventually, my drinking buddy awkwardly coughed into his fist before speaking up.
"Okay, so the guy has his reasons for being slow to trust. I get that, really, I do...but that doesn't give him the right to be a dickhead either," He retorted, faltering for a moment over the look his partner sent him before continuing. "I mean, he didn't seem to have too much trouble making up with Dust and his group right in front of my face, even if it was over something dumb like tomatoes."
"Yeah, I'll admit, I half-expected Jack to slap away his apology given how long the guy's been antagonizing him," I conceded. "Maybe he figured it wasn't worth the effort? I know Dust's party extended him a hand in friendship before and he freaked out, and they did make up two days after the girls and I assured him we were friends. So maybe he was just in a friendly mood with when it happened? I dunno, it might just be as simple as they didn't 'ruin his rep' like you did."
"Ugh, his whole evil shtick definitely isn't doing him any favors either. Not particularly sure what's up with that, but I'm guessing it's something else he's working on," Kazuma retorted with another annoyed look, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair and grumbled. "Seriously, I bail the guy out of serious trouble along with you three and how does he repay me? He continues to treat me like a moron and threatens to make me his servant. God, just thinking about it pisses me off still..."
"He's…how do I put it nicely? He's more delusional than a Crimson Demon, and we have Megumin for comparison," I said after pausing to chug down on my ale, feeling more inclined to drink than I was prior to this conversation. "The girls and I are working together to set him straight. It's not easy given how deeply rooted this whole 'being evil' thing is for him, but we like to think we're making some progress. For starters, we got him to apologize to Wiz for believing she ratted him out when the core hit the capital."
Kazuma just gave me a look.
"Hey, I never said it was amazing progress! Still, that's something he'd never do under normal circumstances, so it's a start at the very least."
"How inspiring. Points for improvement I guess," Kazuma huffed, before raking a hand through his hair and sighing. "Look, I get what you're trying to say, and again, I understand what it's like to have a less than healthy mindset, really. That being said, I highly doubt Jack's gonna mature enough to the point where we actually get to talking things out this century."
"Um, a-about that…?" Yunyun started before trailing off, making Kazuma turn around to address her.
"Yun...that look doesn't inspire any particular confidence," He mused with an almost nervous tone, uncrossing his arms as his tone became a touch more concerned. "What did you do?"
"N-NOTHING, I SWEAR!" She practically screamed, clamping her mouth shut once some of the patrons turned to look at her. She glanced down and blushed heavily in embarrassment. "Sorry for yelling…"
"It's alright, Yunyun. Just...let me know exactly what you have in mind," Kazuma gently coaxed, his tone becoming remarkably softer as he addressed her, much less abrasive or boisterous like normal. "I won't be upset with you, I promise. But I am starting to get a little concerned here."
"Right. Sorry," Yunyun apologized again reflexively. "It's just that, well…I kinda bought something the other day and…I think it might help you and Jack m-make amends?"
As she spoke, she picked up her traveling bag she had lying on the floor next to her stool and pulled out a pretty purple crystal of some kind. I leaned in to go "ooo" and admire my reflection a bit before she stammered on.
"I-It's called a 'Friendship Crystal'. I bought it the other day from Wiz's shop. I-I was waiting there to see if Megumin would stop by for a visit, b-but Mr. Vanir insisted that I should buy something instead of loitering in their shop. So I kinda made an impulse purchase…"
"I still can't believe no one's batting an eye over that guy just moving in like a normal person…" Kazuma muttered mostly to himself before shaking his head and going back to addressing Yunyun. "Uh, anyway, do I need to ask what it's supposed to do? I know the name makes it seem self-explanatory but I bought a few products from that shop myself and they're…more than meets the eye."
"Well, the way Wiz described it made it sound pretty straightforward to me," Yunyun replied, still fidgeting a bit in her seat under our intent observation. "She said that it strengthens bonds between two people who hold it by channeling their mana into it. It's actually something I was hoping to try out with Megumin…"
Kazuma eyed the orb suspiciously and hummed. "I don't know, Yunyun. Wiz is a nice, well-endowed lady, but she doesn't exactly have common sense when it comes to her wares. And something tells me there's a catch with this thing…"
"Oh, c'mon Kazuma! Have a little faith!" I chimed in, lightly bumping his shoulder and flashing a bright smile. "This crystal thingy sounds like it could really be your chance at finally kickstarting a positive relationship with Jack! Isn't it worth the risk, just to put the bickering aside for good?"
Ever the worry wart, Kazuma closed his eyes and crossed his arms, seemingly in deep thought. Clearly, my Axis teachings have not reached through to him if that was the case. In the end, however, the reincarnated Japanese uncrossed his arms and sighed in acceptance to his destiny.
"Alright, alright. Fine. You're right," He relented, managing a small smile as he noticed both me and his partner perk up at his reply. "It's worth giving it a try. Next opportunity we get, we can give this mystery orb a shot, okay?"
"That's the spirit!" I cheered, raising my mug up for him to clink it with his. He rolled his eyes but did just that, both of us taking another hearty swig…
Except for me because I realized I had already finished mine without noticing.
"…Refill~?" I asked sweetly, batting my beautiful goddess eyelashes for maximum charm.
"Now how could I say no to that face?" Kazuma remarked with an eyeroll, though his smile still remained as he waved over the nearest server and requested a refill. With a fresh mug in hand, I beamed at my drinking buddy, quite confident in the future of both our parties.
"Hey, Megumin? Could you hand me the wrench?"
Without gazing up from my work, I extended my hand out and flexed my waiting fingers for the tool I requested. Right on cue, I felt the familiar, cool grip of the- -
"…Sweetheart, this is a crescent wrench. I need a socket wrench."
I was getting flashbacks to that damn parrot all over again…
"Don't 'sweetheart' me, Jack! It's easier said than done!" Megumin huffed, snatching back the wrench and practically chucking it back into my toolbox, making quite the racket. "These things all look the same! Why are there so many different kinds of wrenches!?"
"What are you, wrench racist?" I snarked back, pausing to watch the rural wizard girl sort out the different tools. "It's the one with the, uh…screwy-looking thing on it, the…you know what, just let me get it."
Leaning over, I stuck my hand into the box and rooted around for a few seconds before pulling out the socket wrench with a triumphant "Aha!" Once I recovered the desired tool, I returned to my current project: reconstructing the JackBots with their newly finished adamantite coatings!
"Don't worry, son," I whispered lovingly to the deactivated JB-CUPC4K3 as I tightened up his sockets. "Daddy's gonna make you and your brothers all big and strong with this hot new metal. Then you won't have to worry about getting destroyed in battle…much. You might still get cracked but that's far from unsalvageable."
From what I've seen of Darkness' own adamantite armor, it's usually only ever cracked in the worst of circumstances, a true telling of its durability given how those conditions typically involved powerful boss monsters and Explosions to the face. The threats in this world were no pushovers, so giving my bots an upgrade like this was long overdue. Their survivability rate should increase tenfold once I was done here!
"I see you've made exceptional headway with your improvements!" The crusader herself hummed from nearby, having been placed in charge of setting the bots up near their charging stations once finished. "I do hope that the adamantite helps protect them in the future, it certainly hasn't let me down yet!"
"Yeah, I think it will!" I chirped pleasantly over my work. "Stronger armor means better chances of shielding their emotion chips from damage! Those things are always the most fragile parts, so it blows whenever they get lost or broken beyond repair. Although, funnily enough, Sigma Squad's chips seem to be magically endowed with greater protection. Might have something to do with the fact I used the metal from that blessed sword I took off that chump in the blue armor. What was his name again? Mikey?"
"Mitsurugi, Jack. His name was Mitsurugi," Darkness supplied, before tilting her head in consideration and even managing a quiet hum. "Curious regarding the protection, though. I suppose the matter of silver linings cannot be understated."
"No foolin'. Sigma Squad's been my go-to fighting force. Out of all the bots, they're the ones who've seen the most combat. I'm proud of how far they've come with their memories and emotions still intact," I commented wistfully, taking a moment to admire CUPC4K3's shiny new metal body. "You know, I'm half-tempted to leave them white like this, just to try something new. But I suppose that's for them to decide. It's their bodies after all."
"I concur on both fronts. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what they think once they finish charging," Darkness agreed with a nod and small smile, before the sound of the door opening on the far end of the lair caught all of our attention. "Ah, it sounds like Aqua has returned from her night out. Remarkably early, too…"
I shot a cheeky grin over at Megumin. "How much you wanna bet she still got wasted anyway?"
Megumin tapped her chin in consideration, but before she got the words out her gaze flicked past me and towards the door, eyes widening in surprise. I turned to follow her gaze...and found that Aqua had dragged in my personal nemesis and his partner, marching on up to me with a ditzy smile while the latter two gawked at the entrance to my lair (rightfully so all things considered).
"AQUA!" I practically squawked at the blue-haired twit. "Did you just let that loser into my secret evil liar? And while the GuardBots are under maintenance no less!? Have you lost what little you had of your mind!?"
"Hey! Don't yell at me! I'm taking initiative!" Aqua sputtered in reply, throwing up her arms in irritation, fists balled in frustration as she stomped like a child. "I didn't bring them here for a fight, dummy! I brought them here so we can sort out this stupid feud once and for all!"
I felt my heart skip a beat for a second there. Ignoring the weird, dull ache in my chest again, I turned right back around and continued working on CUPC3K3's enhancements. "There's nothing to sort out. He hates me, I hate him back. That's how it goes. As for Yunyun…I don't hold any strong feelings one way or the other."
"He doesn't hate you, Jack. He made that expressly clear, and I don't think you hate him either!" Aqua refuted with infuriating ease, an all too hopeful smile on her face she gestured to Satou nearby. "Look, Yunyun had an idea to help the two of you become...well, less antagonistic, if all goes well."
"Firstly, you know I hate it when you tell me how my own feelings work…" I grumbled, crossing my arms and glaring intensely at the wall to my left, refusing to give in to Aqua's admittedly infectious optimism. "Secondly, just out of morbid curiosity, what did she have in mind?"
Aqua gestured for me to follow her, which I reluctantly did after half a second of contemplation. Approaching Satou and his partner, the latter shyly offered Aqua some kind of weird, purple crystal thing with a nervous smile.
"I'm so glad you asked!" Aqua proclaimed. "See, this is called a Friendship Crystal. It's supposed to help strengthen, or in this case create, bonds between two people. All you gotta do is hold the crystal with Kazuma, transfer a little of your mana into it, and PRESTO! It'll do something to make you two become friends! Or at least less hostile to one another. I dunno."
"...you got this from Wiz's, didn't you?" I asked Yunyun in deadpan, making the Crimson Demon flush slightly and nod awkwardly. I just sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
A part of me wanted to instantly refuse, nothing good could come from this...but that stupid dull ache in my chest still persisted, so I grit my teeth for a moment before ultimately relenting.
"Alright, fine. Let's just...get this over with. Then we can all go our separate ways for the night. Deal?"
"Deal," Satou agreed with a tired sigh. Aqua handed him the Bullshit Crystal and I had to psyche myself up to touch it along with him, making absolutely sure my fingers didn't make contact with his. Accidentally brushing your hands up against someone else's was awkward enough, it was a whole nother story when it was with your annoying nemesis. The girls gathered closer to us as we stared at the crystal, seemingly trying to figure out what to do next.
"Okay, uh…Aqua said something about transferring mana into this thing, right?" I mumbled aloud. "I guess I can do that with Drain Touch."
"Mhm, bet you picked that one up from Wiz. Helluva trick," Satou mused, resulting in me nodding idly before I realized what he'd just said and glanced up at him in surprise. How the hell did he...?
Whatever. Not even worth asking, really.
"Hmm…don't really have a way to transfer my mana," Satou muttered aloud. "Technically, I guess the best way to make the transfer would be to…"
Suddenly, we both tore our gazes away from the orb to stare at each other for a brief moment. And I believe we both managed to come to the same, annoying conclusion if the unified groaning on both our ends was any indication.
"Alright, look," I started irritably after groaning. "Let me drain some of your mana and transfer it into the stupid orb for you so we can get this over with. No touching hands, though. I don't know where yours have been and, quite frankly, I don't want to know."
"I wanna be able to refute that...but you make a fair point," Kazuma murmured, before extending his wrist to me and rolling his eyes. "Alright, let's just do the thing and never speak of it again. Simple, right?"
With a muted grunt of agreement, I awkwardly grabbed onto Satou's wrist and activated Drain Touch. I was so used to using this skill under the cover of night on a sleeping Aqua that I actually felt kinda naked doing it so openly with a crowd watching us (Darkness practically salivating over the display did not help). Still, I shoved down any and all emotions as I switched my brain into clinical mode, draining away only some of his- -
"AGH! Okay, OKAY – you got it man!" Satou hissed suddenly, wrenching me out of my thoughts as I realized just how pale he looked all of the sudden. Must've been too into the zone.
I hastily retracted my hand and muttered a half-hearted, sorta apology before turning my attention back to the crystal. Slowly, I reached out and started to channel both my mana and his into it…
Just as I was beginning to wonder if it was some kind of dud, the orb began to "spark" this pitch black energy, causing me to stop transferring magic into it.
"Uh…is it supposed to do that?" I asked cautiously in a desperate bid for reassurance.
Whatever snide quip Satou was preparing vanished as a strange, black bubble suddenly expanded around us, stretching out about ten feet in every direction, before further flickers caught both my and Satou's eyes as bizarre, magic screens appeared and projected what I could only assume to be memories...and I definitely wasn't ready for what was shown.
On the screen I first locked onto, a much younger version of Satou sat alone on a bench, not particularly far away from a bustling playground. He fidgeted and shifted uncertainty for a time before another child waved at him from afar. He smiled, and jumped to his feet, likely intent on joining his classmates...
Before taking a single step and face planting into grass, having tripped over the leg of the bench in a spectacular display.
My eyes quickly darted back to the owner of that flop of a memory, his eyes wide and disturbed as the rest of his face turned scarlet. Before I could say, do, or think of anything, I caught a flash of another screen in my peripheral vision…and my jaw dropped once I realized it was one of mine.
In subdued horror, I cringed as I and everyone else got to watch a three-year-old ME step into the bathroom late at night to relieve himself. The toilet seat was up at the time for some stupid reason and, without looking where he was going, Younger Jack slipped on a rubber ducky that had been left on the tile floor.
The result was him/me diving headfirst into the toilet bowl, arms flailing and legs kicking as the lever accidentally got pulled. Younger Jack promptly wet himself as he screamed in fear and pain during the whole ordeal.
I babbled in helpless embarrassment over the scene, desperately grappling for something, anything else to fix my eyes on to try and avoid thinking about what Satou was seeing. Luckily (not that that meant much in this situation), my eyes fell upon another of his memories, and despite my prior convictions, I couldn't help but feel a tiny sense of pity over this display.
The Satou on this screen was older, in some kind of school uniform. The hallway he was walking down in seemed to be adorned with decorations for some kind of celebration, and he appeared to be approaching a group of his peers with a smile on his face. However, before he could reach them, he was promptly pelted with a water balloon to the back of the head, soaking him instantly as a new group of students passed him, chucking more balloons and knocking him down as they walked.
Against my better judgment, my eyes traitorously wandered to another screen, one of mine. It was my first Xiaolin Showdown, which coincidentally happened to be the first time I lost a Xiaolin Showdown. Omi and I were hopping on stone pillars in a race to nab the Eye of Dashi. The yellow cue ball had just finished taking out the JackBots I sent in and Wuya berated me to keep moving. The Two-Ton Tunic was slowing him down at the time, so I wasn't worried when he finally managed to haul his heavy ass over to the pillar I was standing on.
"Now that I've defeated you, perhaps you'll respect the genius of JACK SPICER!" Past Me casually gloated in an evil tone.
"Respect THIS!"
That's when Omi pulled down my pants, leaving me in a desperate scramble to pull them back up while the other monks laughed and Wuya screamed as the kid won the race.
Again, my eyes flicked away, and another screen filled my vision. Satou appeared once more, looking only a few years younger than he was now, but his demeanor was...different. He looked completely and utterly heartbroken, distinct tears visible in his eyes. After a few seconds, the point of view changed and I could see a young woman on the back of a bike with another male student. Even I knew enough about romance to make the inference, and admittedly...this one stung a bit differently.
But what stung even more (aside from my various losses and failures being highlighted like a clip show) was seeing all the memories I'd made with Chase Young. In hindsight, I knew he never respected me, so of fucking course all my interactions with him turned embarrassing. They all mostly consisted of me fawning over him and him responding with insults and physical altercations.
The most recent one of the batch being the ultimate moment where I vented my then growing frustrations with Chase and let slip that I was in love with him. After commending my bravery for having the balls to speak to him like that, he calmly ordered his jungle cats to maul half to death. I flew away with my skin ripped to hell and my heart broken in two that day...
And then the depressing family matters came up. Screens of both our memories whirled by, and I caught glimpses of the neglect we both had to endure. Still, credit where credit was due; at least my parents never got physical with me. Granted, Satou asking his folks if they could split up and remarry just so he could have a younger stepsister was kind of fucked up, but the beating that followed might've been a little overkill.
Still, the longer I watched my own memories flick by, I was struck by just how confusing this all seemed, heart-wrenching as it was. How was this living nightmare we were in supposed to make us friends? All it was succeeding in doing was making us want to die a second time!
Speaking of death, imagine my surprise when two more screens circled by and actually showed us our Earth deaths.
Somehow, despite technically not being present for it, Satou and I got to see what happened to his body shortly after he died. His corpse was lying on an operating table, a white sheet thankfully tossed over him so I didn't have to see anything possibly grisly. The doctors and nurses in the room were…well, let's just say they were being very unprofessional when announcing his death over the phone with his parents, who were laughing just as hard as they were when put on speaker.
But hang on…wasn't that more or less the exact same scenario Aqua described to me when I died? Did Satou just so happen to be unlucky enough to have that happen to him as well?
That's around when I caught a glimpse of one more screen in that cluster, and watched an eerily similar ending play out. I still got run over in Hong Kong protecting a girl. In some divine act of mercy, I wasn't shown what was left of me, but judging by the reactions of the paramedics provided by the worm's eye view...it was the opposite of pretty. The scene faded out as reporters and bystanders swarmed the ambulance I was carted away in, leaving me with the strangest sense of disconnected dread.
I discreetly glanced back at the girls. Truth be told, I had completely forgotten all about them when the initial wave of cringe hit. Their eyes were all glued to the screens, each of them looking to be about as lost for words as a person could be. Hell, Darkness wasn't even getting off to the second-hand embarrassment of our memories! She seemingly put her self-degrading fantasies on hold to gawk like a normal person. I also noticed Aqua's eyes never left the screen that displayed the aftermath of my death, even after the second loop.
I felt questions build up within me, embarrassment churning alongside a newfound desperation. Had Aqua lied to me? Had there been some kind of mistake? Was this stupid crystal even really tapping into our memories since it can apparently see past our deaths? All these questions simmered for a moment as one last, slight bigger screen swung in front of me, capturing my attention once more.
It was another memory of me losing a Xiaolin Showdown against Omi…except this involved giant red balloons...
Oh no.
"Truth or Lie: Did you really believe me when I agreed to turn good or did you just take me in because you wanted to prove your friends wrong?" Past Jack asked Omi as he hung onto his balloon with the Lotus Twister.
"I believed you. And you disappointed me…deeply," Omi admitted as his balloon turned around to confirm he wasn't lying.
…Where the fuck was that crossbow!?
"Really? Well, you shouldn't have! I was planning to turn on you all along!"
In a flash of embarrassment and anger, I pulled out my high-tech crossbow and aimed at the screen, firing a robo-arrow at it before the balloon or Omi could call me out on that moment of weakness where I doubted myself as a villain.
"You- -!"
The arrow pierced the screen, cutting off the feed to that damn memory. The magic monitor fizzled away into nothingness shortly thereafter. Full disclosure, I didn't think that would actually work, so I was kinda left standing there in mild surprise when it did.
There was a moment of silence after that, even as other screens continued to appear and spin around us in an endless typhoon of bad memories. I managed a glance at Satou, a fresh series of insults already prepared since his partner's stupid crystal was causing us so much trouble...
But I just couldn't bring myself to do it, not when I saw the look of utter despair resting on his face. A look not dissimilar to my own, really…
Then, with a bit of a delayed reaction, his gaze shifted between my crossbow and the empty space where the monitor I shot used to be. Since his face already looked so miserable, it was easy enough for me to tell how it noticeably lit up soon after. With surprising flourish, Satou whipped out a bow and arrow and aimed for a screen depicting a memory of him almost getting arrested for public urination of all things.
"Snipe!"
Just like before, the moment the screen was pierced, it shattered, fizzling out of existence as if it'd never been there to begin with.
Our gazes met once more, and in that moment there was the strangest sense of understanding...and maybe even the slightest touch of unity.
The next moment, Satou and I both drew our ranged weapons and proceeded to go to town on the remaining screens, arrows shattering our shared sources of embarrassment with all the ease of snapping one's fingers.
It felt cathartic, laying waste to projections of our lowest points in life. And while I wasn't one hundred percent certain of it (what with me being too busy shooting down all my embarrassing memories), I think there might've been a moment where Satou and I had our backs pressed against each other like a pair of badasses in a high-stakes action movie. Again, not super sure of that given the heat of the moment, but I don't think either of us would've mind regardless.
Within the next thirty seconds, the dozens of screens around us shattered away into the void before ultimately, in tandem, Satou and I turned and planted two arrows into the crystal itself, one from each of us. Slowly, the crystal cracked and then shattered, dispelling the weird void dome that'd been surrounding us and finally ending the nightmare.
Silence overtook over the lair, save for the clattering of my futuristic crossbow after I let my grip on it go limp. Though the horrible trip down memory lane was over, I still felt hot and dizzy all over.
"I'm, uh…I think I'm gonna go lie down fer a bit…" I slurred as I dragged my feet across the lab, barely making it past Satou before I face-planted on the floor and promptly fainted. I sincerely hope me getting KO'd doesn't become a new habit while I'm in this world.
When I woke back up, the first thing I registered was that whatever I was lying on was a helluva lot softer than the floor.
Sitting up, I realized I'd been moved to my bed in my room upstairs and out of the lab. I rubbed my eyes as my body started to wake me up, pinching the bridge of my nose as I struggled to recall exactly what happened before I passed out.
"Oh, hey, he's awake," I heard Megumin's voice say. Groaning, I sat up to find my party plus Satou and Yunyun all huddled into my room, doing what they could to make themselves comfortable in spite of the lack of furniture around. "How are you feeling, Jack?"
"…indifferent…" I moaned, rubbing my slightly aching forehead. "Oh god, I didn't get drunk a second time, did I?"
"Ah, no, not even close," Satou huffed with a wry smile, catching my attention with just how uncomfortable he looked, arms crossed and hunched on the far wall. "Eris above, getting drunk would've been a blessing compared to what that stupid crystal gave us."
My face scrunched up in confusion before the last thing I remembered came back to me. "Oh yeah…that's a lot to unpack, isn't it?" I sighed as I pulled my legs up and hugged them. "I'm not sure where to even begin with all that."
"Yeah, join the club. Not having too good of a time with it myself," Satou replied, his smile dropping away as he averted his gaze, shifting a little against the wall. Another beat of silence followed, as the girls looked between us, not quite sure what to do either it seemed. After a few seconds, though, I forced myself to speak.
"So…your parents sucked too, huh?"
Satou glanced back at me when I said that, and after a second of uncertainty, the smile returned, though I had a sneaking suspicion there was a layer of hurt to it as well. "Yeah...that's a word for it. Not that it's a contest or anything, but I think I definitely beat you on the sucky parents scale."
I couldn't help but snort at the man's morbid joke, cracking a semi-hurt smirk myself. "No kidding. I thought leaving a toddler to fend for himself was enough to crown my folks as the world's shittiest parents. But neglect and beatings? I think Mom and Dad just got dethroned."
"Heavy is the head that wears the crown and all that, especially when it's a shitty one," Satou snarked, some of his usual mirth returning as he shifted on the wall to face me fully. "I mean, personally, I feel the villain-like cackling over my death pushes them to the highest possible tier, but that could be bias talking, right?"
"Definitely the bias," I responded lightheartedly, a sliver of my own snark returning as I played along with burying our shared trauma over some back-and-forth banter. "For one, if that was supposed to be their attempt at a villain cackle, then it was terrible; had no flair whatsoever. Plus, it was done over their own flesh and blood dying. Not cool. I may be a bad guy but you gotta draw a line in the evil sand somewhere, you know?"
"Oh, how very noble of you...or...un-noble, I guess? These evil labels of yours get kinda hard to juggle," Satou huffed, coaxing another chuckle from me in the process. However, it was at this point that I noticed all four girls glancing between us, mixed expressions resting on their faces. Apparently, Satou did too.
"What's got you four so spooked?"
"I think I know what's got at least one of them spooked," I added, casting an annoyed glare at an unusually timid Aqua. "Tell me, would you care to explain exactly how I died again? Last time I checked, I was told I bit the dust in the most humiliating fashion and had people laugh over my corpse. But something about that truck running me over didn't really scream stopped to me. And how come Satou's aftermath more closely matches the story you gave me, huh?"
Aqua shifted from foot to foot, a surprisingly subdued frown on her face as she laced her hands together, obviously both uncomfortable and remorseful. When she finally offered an answer, her tone was softer than usual, and far more composed.
"So...I might have kinda, sorta, accidentally mixed up your files when you both died...? At least, that's what I think happened so far...I-I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to deceive or hide anything from you guys."
It was so rare to see Aqua look and sound genuinely regretful over her actions. So much so that it was enough for me to drop the glare momentarily to stare at her with uncertainty. "So you didn't mean to deceive us, but you were still more than willingly to laugh about it like those doctors and nurses? What gives?"
"Look, I just...it was easier to dissociate back then, okay? Gods aren't exactly instructed to take every single human tragedy and turn it into a permanent spectacle," Aqua defended, still looking fairly upset over the current circumstances as she balled her fists. "I know what I did was shitty, like really shitty, but I didn't know you back then! I didn't know any of you! It was...it was hard to care, because if I let myself slip even once, I'd have to care about every lost soul that came my way…"
Wow. I…never thought of it like way. What she said to me (and by extension Satou) still kinda hurt but, at the same time, I kinda also get where she was coming from. If the Grim Reaper had to choose between weeping over every lost soul or being a callous dick to them, I'd imagine he's gonna choose the one that makes his job go faster. That's simply the detached nature of productivity. And I should know, I come from a business family.
"Listen, Aqua, I'm not gonna say I'm cool with what you said, because I'm not...but I'm also not really that mad at you either," I admitted, offering her a small smile as she eased up a bit. "I can't speak for Satou, of course, but I at least see where you're coming from. So, as far as I'm concerned, we're still cool."
The water goddess sighed a great big sigh, her body visibly becoming less rigid in the process. She raked a hand through her blue hair as she smiled softly at me. "Thanks, Jack. I know I may not be the smartest or most considerate sometimes, but I do try my best. Contrary to popular belief, it's not easy being a goddess, you know."
"Yeah, I sorta figured, honestly. I love power as much as anyone else, but there comes a point where it becomes...overwhelming sometimes," I replied after a moment, considering my own end goal for a second. World domination was right in the sweet spot where I wanted it; just enough control without making life utterly boring. "However, I gotta get a read on one more thing before we move on: Satou, your verdict over our blue-haired friend?"
"If you're asking whether or not I knew Aqua really was a goddess, then yes, I already put two and two together a while ago," answered the Japanese teen in an oddly chill manner. "Don't get me wrong, it was hard for me to accept at first what with that personality of hers- -"
"What was that, otaku?" Aqua growled ever so slightly. Satou seemed unfazed as he kept going.
"But the longer we hung out...I dunno, it kinda became a lot more clear over time. That, and I've never seen a normal person puke rainbows after a night of too many drinks," Satou continued while flashing a small smile at the goddess, who amazingly seemed to falter a bit over that last part, looking the slightest bit embarrassed. "Now, with all that in mind...I'm with Jack on this one. I'm not particularly mad about the little mix up you made. Hell, it was kind of a blessing in disguise given the whole...y'know."
"Yeah, well, in my defense, I wasn't the one who had to sort out all the documentation back in the Heavenly Realm. I just look over what I'm handed prior to guiding a soul," Aqua defended, a light blush tinting her cheeks as she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Satou. "It doesn't happen often but every millennium or so something is bound to slip through the cracks. I was just as confused as you two were so don't go saying this mix up was entirely on me, ya hear!?"
"Didn't you admit you glossed over Jack's alleged file when it mentioned he was the loner type?" Megumin asked the Blue Thing out of the blue.
"A-ah...well...fine, there was a bit of user error involved, okay!?" Aqua huffed, seemingly getting more embarrassed by the second as she crossed her arms and pouted like normal. "I already said I was sorry, y'know. You guys don't all have to pile on…"
I simply let her off with a cool, dismissive hand wave. At the end of the day, it was just Aqua being Aqua. My friend was like a slow puppy: you couldn't really stay mad at her and she was admittedly adorable when doing her best. Well, actually, she was supernaturally hot being a literal goddess from heaven. Even so, I never felt drawn to her funnily enough. Not like with D- -
…moving on.
My gaze flickered back to Satou, and we looked at each other for a moment before things went uncomfortable for us again. Now that what happened with the "Friendship Orb" happened…what exactly did that make us now?
Well, I'd come to my own conclusion soon enough once Satou worked up the nerve first and began to speak. "Look, man. I'm gonna level with you here, for the good of all of us. I...don't really hate you. Hell, after what we just went through, I can barely bring myself to dislike you. But I recognize now that you and I are not the same person, despite how some things might overlap. Either way, I wanna bury the hatchet between us; start fresh and all that. We don't have to be best friends forever or anything, I promise. But I'd rather we both learn to get along. So…do you think that's possible?"
Always with the complicated social human stuff, wasn't it? I blew out some air as I allowed myself to lean back on my bed rest, placing my hands in my lap as I mulled over what to say back.
"I'm…not the best when it comes to deciphering my own feelings, let alone others. I can read my JackBots like open books but can't read the room to save my life, sometimes literally. That said, after everything that's happened between us…I just don't think staying mad at you is worth it anymore. It's just been making me stressed and bummed out whenever I do. Sure, you can be annoying and you may have reset my evil street cred, but I am man enough to admit that I may have overreacted a little. It was still a heavy blow to my pride, granted, but I've come to recognize now that it's a moot point anyway once I rule the world. And you were only doing what you had to do to at the time throw the government off my back. That honestly was kinda cool of you…"
I shook my head the second I realized I was beginning to stare off into space and cleared my throat as I addressed Satou more clearly. "Uh, a-anyway! I guess what I'm trying to say here is…yeah, we can let this feud go already. Consider it water off a duck's back."
Satou exhaled sharply, and I realized that he might have been holding his breath waiting for my response. Still, he offered me a smile and nodded, obviously relieved with this outcome. "Awesome, cool. Glad we can finally put that to bed...sheesh, wish we could have reached that without one of Wiz's products bringing old wounds back to the surface."
"Tell me about it…" I groaned sympathetically. "Reliving all those lost Xiaolin Showdowns was not fun for me. I came here to distance myself from that life but it seems like the whole dang multiverse just doesn't want me to escape my past!"
"Yeah, speaking of which...YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT MAGIC EXSISTED ON EARTH! What the hell, man!?" Satou suddenly blew up, my musings having apparently sparked some kind of unexpected fire within him over the topic. "I mean, seriously!? I like to think of myself as a pretty sharp person, but how the hell did I never hear about this?"
"I dunno," I supplied with a half-shrug. "But yeah, magic was a thing back there: ghosts, witches, cyclopes, cursed war lords, mystical Chinese artifacts, the whole shebang. Hell, Earth got conquered on two separate occasions while we were alive. I should know, I have a firsthand account on both."
I wanted to say there was a third occasion but, for some reason, my head gets fuzzy whenever I try to dwell on it, and I end up drawing a blank anyway. Either something did happen and a time paradox was involved or I just had one helluva night terror that stuck with me even after the details long since faded from my mind.
"Ugh, please don't speak about the whole conquered Earth incident, I beg of you," Aqua groaned, crossing her arms once more and shaking her head. "It was a whole thing up in Heaven, heads rolled over it. Completely and utterly embarrassing, we couldn't focus on work for weeks. And because it started in Asia, I got yelled at for it even though I was just as in the dark as everyone else! So not fair!"
"Huh. So you really were aware of all that stuff then," I mused out loud to the goddess. Should've been obvious in hindsight but then again…this was Aqua we were dealing with here. So color me surprised anyway. "I take it that also means you're aware of the Shen Gong Wu? They are supposed to maintain balance on Earth, or so I've been told anyway."
"Yeah, I'm aware of them. And as you can guess, their track record isn't exactly spotless," Aqua replied with some reluctance, clearly not particularly fond of them. I could definitely understand the sentiment. "Still, credit where it's due, some were better than others."
"Oh, for sure. Like the Monkey Staff! Man, what I would give to have a tail again…" I said wistfully, still reminiscent of my favorite Wu. Maybe if I ever find a means to teleport back to Earth (be it scientific or magical), I can steal it back from the Monks and take it with me! I know I've said I was done with Shen Gong Wu, and I am, but I wouldn't mind keeping that one in particular.
A quiet gurk sound grabbed my attention and I turned my head to find it was Satou, clutching his head staring down at the floor in apparent horror. Oh yeah, right, he must still be grappling with the whole "Earth-getting-conquered-twice" thing.
"Uh, Yunyun?" I said to the shy Crimson Demon. "Don't look now, but I think your partner over there is having an existential crisis."
Yunyun, who seemed to space out up until this point, likely processing all this herself, turned to face her partner and noticed his horrified expression. Then, with a confidence that I assumed usually eluded her, she walked over to where he was standing and took his hand, catching his attention enough for him to briefly snap out of his funk to look her in the eye.
"Kazuma, it's going to be okay," Yunyun reassured him in a soft yet firm tone, similar to how Darkness would speak whenever the situation called for it. "I may not know how you thought your world was supposed to work – hell, I'm still coming to grips with Earth being a world and not a country like I was told – but it shouldn't matter regardless. That was then, this is now. As long as we have each other, we can overcome anything. You've been there for me more times than I can count, so it's only fair that I be there for you when you need it, like right now."
Gradually, Satou seemed to ease up a bit, the terror seemingly having left his eyes and being replaced with a look of understanding...and maybe even the slightest hint of appreciation. "Y-you're right. I just...that was a lot to take in all at once...thanks, Yun. I'm really glad that you're here with me, and that we're friends at all."
I guess I was so desensitized to the occult that I failed to consider how a fellow Earthling who was out of the loop would feel about the reveal. Maybe I could've done a better job of softening the blow for him, even if we weren't exactly friends per say.
"Hey man, I get," I said after a moment of hesitation. "As a man of science, I was freaked out by the discovery of magic too, especially when Wuya first materialized in my lab. But, y'know, after a while, I learned to accept and tolerate it. If it makes you feel any better, I've studied enough Shen Gong Wu to develop a scientific foundation on the field of magic. It's shaky at best, but I have found at least some method to the madness, and that's what helped me through the coping process. Maybe that'll help put your mind a little at ease?"
"I...definitely appreciate the offer, and I might even take you up on that in the future. But for now...I think I'm going to go the willful ignorance route," Satou replied, offering me a weak smile as some of his mirth returned, shrugging his shoulders loosely. "Just gonna push it outta my mind for the foreseeable future and try not think about it ever again! If that fails me, well...I'll be more than happy to hear about your explanation."
"Cool. Wouldn't mind having someone other than a robot to talk about science shit with," I said with a small smirk, one which soon faded into an awkward thin line as I scratched the back of my neck. "Sooo…I guess our business is done here, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I guess it is," Satou agreed, equally awkward in his delivery, as if he too had just realized how weird it felt to finally be chill between us. After a moment, he offered me a half grin and short salute before starting for the exit. "Guess I'll see you around, Goggles."
In spite of myself, I snorted slightly at that and responded with my own brand of evil snark. "Yeah, don't let the door hit ya on the way out, Green Bean."
With a quiet groan, Satou continued to retreat with his partner in tow, ultimately leaving me and the girls alone in my room, since I trusted the duo enough to just leave on their own. Surprisingly, I felt a lot better after we'd managed to reach a consensus on our current standing, and it felt really, really good to have that nemesis spot back open for someone more worthy.
"Well, glad that's done and over with!" I cheered lightly, turning to my team and flashing them a refreshed grin of relief. Unfortunately, that grin wouldn't last for long when I noticed how the girls still looked to be just as antsy as when I woke up. "Oh no, I recognize those faces. Those are the 'we need to have a little chat' faces, aren't they? You should know by now I don't exactly care for those. They're not fun for me."
"I'm sorry, Jack, but...we felt that there was something we needed to discuss with you," Darkness apologized, lacing her hands together and staring me down with just a bit too much worry in her eyes for my liking. "About that first memory you destroyed, the one with the balloons and the yellow boy with the round head...you seemed particularly upset by it."
Oh…so that's what this was about.
"Yeah, well, it was another one of my losses. You saw for yourself how many of those I had, I just got fed up with looking at them," I stated plainly, arms crossed and head facing away from the crusader. "Also, for future reference, the talking cheeseball's name is Omi. He's one of the monks I told you about."
"...Jack, I know you don't like the touchy-feely stuff, but we're a little bit concerned here," Megumin sighed, shooting me a pointed look as I glanced back in their direction, concern still holding strong. "Something about that memory, above the rest, made you lash out. What was it?"
"…You know, Megumin, prying into my personal baggage even after you saw it all on film is cruel, even by my standards," I said bluntly, doing my best to steady my voice as my underarms began to sweat from the pressure my friends were putting on me. Why must they do this?
"Jack, please! We just...we only want to help! Or, at the very least, understand why!" Darkness insisted, the troubled tone of her voice mingling with the slightest hint of agitation. However, no sooner had the frustration showed before it was gone, melting away as her eyes softened and my inner will waivered ever so slightly. "I know you don't have to tell us anything, and at the end of the day, we can't force you to...but we'd like it if you did."
I sucked in a shaky breath, bringing my legs up to hug them again. The truth is, a part of me really did want to tell them about it. Desperately so. They were my first, real friends, and that memory along with the prior buildup was something that's always haunted me in the back of my mind! I just wanted some proper closure on it.
The only problem? My first, real friends were good guys who still technically don't believe in or appreciate my evilness. If I told them that I once tried to turn good for real out of my own free will, they'd never let me hear the end of it. I don't want to be good, damnit, I want to be evil! But I also want to keep my friends, even if they were good guys! What the fuck do I even do!?
…
Bury my face in my knees and start sobbing quietly, that's what I did. Like the indecisive coward I was.
There was a long beat of silence after that, save for my sobbing, and for a single, terrifying moment, I wondered if the girls had left, just...walked out and left me to my breakdown in peace. Luckily, that possibility was shattered in the best possible way when three sets of arms encircled me, and the girls dragged me into a group hug.
"Hey, hey! It's okay…it's okay, we're sorry," I heard Megumin soothe me as I made an effort to level my crying. "We're sorry for sticking our noses where they don't belong. If talking about it really makes you that upset, consider the subject dropped. We don't like seeing you like this, you know. It…it makes us sad to see you sad."
"…but I wanna talk about it, though…" I admitted shamefully through a whimper.
"You don't have to rush yourself for our sake, Jack. That was wrong of us, and we should've know better," Darkness assured me, her voice soft as could be, and so very certain. "You can take as long as you need, I promise. You only have to tell us if you want to and if you don't, that's fine too."
Steeling myself, I pulled my face out of my knees to look up at my friends. They…they really do look like they give a shit as much as they sound like it. While I still don't fully understand why they'd be this intent on putting up with me, I was still grateful for it all the same. In fact, kinda like Darkness, I too sorta viewed them all as part of my family. And I really wanted to confide in them like a family.
Even so…
"N-no, I…I want to tell you, really, I do. It's just that…" I paused for a moment, barely able to make eye contact with any of them for very long as I worked up the nerve to continue. "I'm scared that you're gonna use what I tell you as ammunition to judge me…"
"Jack...we won't do that to you, I swear it on my holy powers," Aqua swore, sharing the same tone and strength as the others, resolute and caring with her words. I knew she meant it, but I still wasn't sure I could even get the words out. I've never told anyone other than the JackBots about this…
"…a-alright. I'll tell you then," I sighed, already feeling tired even though the hardest part was yet to come. "But in order to explain the memory, you need to know the context leading up to it and why it bothers me. So if you hate long stories, now's your chance to back out."
The girls all glazed at each other and, in a wordless debate that I could only hope to ever imagine, eventually turned back to me and nodded, forcing me to take a moment and compose myself for what was to come. This was gonna be a hard one to talk about...but I wasn't going to run from it any longer.
"Your loss," I chuckled humorlessly before locking my eyes to my knees. "Okay, so, it all started when I was trying to make another RoboJack. The last one double-crossed me – his programming must've picked up on my own insecurities or something – and I wanted to give him another shot because the thought of building a robot that didn't like me bothered me a little. I get that installing emotion chips in 'em is a double-edged sword like that, but still. Anyway, Chase contacted me shortly after and actually offered me an apprenticeship, the catch being I had to compete with another villain to nab the next Shen Gong Wu. Being the stupid, lovesick boy that I was, I hauled ass with RoboJack in tow. Guess my feelings for the lizard also carried over into his programming. Either way, I lost the apprenticeship but 'won his pity' as he so lovingly put it. God, I still can't believe I ever had a crush on that dick! Even if he was admittedly handsome in his human form."
Stuffing down my rage over my ex-crush, I carried on with the story. "At any rate, the shit cherry on top of that disaster of a day was RoboJack locking me out of the house just to spite me. With my spirits lower than they've ever been, I took a long, hard walk out in the countryside to reflect on all my failures. I've doubted myself before, sure, but this…this self-doubt hit different. My mind was going places that scared me. And before you ask, no, I wasn't contemplating suicide. I'm sad but not that sad. I guess you could say I was having a midlife crisis at age fourteen. If I failed at being normal and I failed at being evil, then what was left for Jack Spicer at that point? Before I realized it, I had wandered into the Xiaolin Temple where the monks lived. That's when Omi suggested I train as a monk and turn good against his friends' objections. A-and I was so desperate and sad and lonely at the time that I…I…"
My face burned red hot shame. I rested my forehead on my knees as I forced myself to let slip what I knew the girls would undoubtedly latch onto forever.
"…I actually took him up on the offer…"
The silence was deafening. Half of me wished it was because they got bored and left while the other half was praying they were still there and not plotting to exploit my insecurities. Whatever the case, I decided to blast through the rest in growing irritation just to fill the silence.
"Biggest mistake of my life. If those Xiaolin Losers really wanted to turn me good, then they did a piss-poor job at it. Raimundo, Clay, Kimiko, they all mocked and belittled me as I worked my ass off doing everybody's chores. And Omi, the pretentious twerp, he was the worst! He kept trying to shove his stupid 'goody-two-shoes, honor and valor' ethos down my throat while I was just trying to do my best not to think about where the hell my life was going. Not a day later and I finally pulled myself out of my funk and came back to my senses. First chance I got, I stole their Wu and bounced. But, as fate would have it, Omi came to confront me personally and we initiated a Xiaolin Showdown: Truth or Lie. Those giant red balloons you saw in the memory? They pop when you get caught lying. As you're probably inferring right now, Omi genuinely believed in me when I agreed to turn good and that he wasn't just doing it to prove his friends wrong. And when I said I had planned to betray them all along? Well…now you know the reason why I shot at the screen…"
I felt just as alone now as I did back then, even if the girls were likely still with me and patiently waiting for me to finish venting. In all likelihood, they were probably too fixated on the undeniable fact that there was a brief, very brief moment in my life where I legitimately considered turning good to be listening any further. Still, I added in one last piece of my mind before resigning myself to whatever they had scheming.
"But even if that dumb balloon said he wasn't lying about believing in me, I personally like to think he was. Because let's face it: if Omi really believed in me, he would've kept being obnoxious about me coming back after I returned to my evil roots. Instead, he and the others took actual, sadistic pleasure in taking turns beating me until I was on the verge of blacking out; almost like it had become a sport to them or something. If you noticed a memory of the Monks wailing on me while stripping me down for some gross reason I still don't know why, just so you're aware…that was a solid year after the Truth or Lie Showdown. I tell ya, it's almost evil enough to make a bad guy like me blush..."
I slumped back onto my bed with those last words, feeling utterly exhausted emotionally in the process of catching them up on the significance of that memory. Now they knew, and I was left waiting for any kind of reaction, anything to show that they understood, that they didn't blame or judge me...just something to make the dull, anxious ache in my chest feel less awful and all-encompassing.
And eventually...I got a proper response.
"Bastards…"
That soul word. One of the last things I expected Megumin to say, truthfully, and with such venom no less. It was enough to make me sit upright, and when I did...admittedly, the vengeful sneer on her face along with the fiery red glow in her eyes was enough to spook me.
"How fucking DARE they do that to you, to anyone! It's an utter disgrace, the epitome of underhanded and smarmy!" She seethed with little pause, fists clenched so tight they were practically as white as my skin. Darkness and Aqua inched away from the young wizard as she continued her rant. "I was raised on the principles of respecting your comrades, of looking out for the people who need it most! The fact that they not only pushed you aside and failed you as teachers, but continued to FIGHT YOU afterwards!?"
I was truly at a loss for words. I had such a difficult time trying to find my voice that I just barely managed to push through a fist sentence. "I, uh, err – well, yeah, I mean, uh…you know how good guys are when- -"
"Oh, the HELL they were! No 'good guys' should stoop to that kind of level, Jack! Ever! It's unacceptable!" Megumin cut me off, pointing in my direction swiftly as her eyes flared again, prompting a less than manly squeak from myself. "They don't deserve such a title, not after what they did to you! It was wrong, and you deserve to be treated better!"
O-oh. Wow. Megumin thought I deserved better treatment? That's…heh, well, uh, that was kinda flattering, honestly. Like…really fucking nice to hear a friend say that about me, y'know?
I reluctantly snapped myself out of my happy thoughts when I realized something. "But wait, the Monks work to hoard Shen Gong Wu from the clutches of evil, to maintain balance and all that jazz. They even saved the Earth when it got conquered twice. So if you're saying they're not good guys and I'm saying they're not bad guys…what the hell is that supposed to make them?"
"People, Jack, they're just people! People who treated you like shit because they could!" Megumin shot back sharply, only the slightest bit of her edge disappearing as she continued. "It's not black and white. People can do good things and still be bad, and people can do bad things for the right reasons. You should know that it's not always so easy to figure out..."
Huh? Oh, wait, she's talking about gray morality, isn't she? Yeah, I've absorbed enough games and TV shows and books to pick up on the concept. I'm not stupid, I know it exists. It's just…I don't know, it never quite appealed to me as the vibrant and colorful evil side I guess. Plus, morally gray/ambiguous/questionable characters were always kind of a mixed bag for me personally. You get some interesting ones, no doubt, but others make you want to scream at them to just pick a side and stick with it already. With evil (and I suppose good if we're being fair), at least things are consistent, just like me!
…
The fact that I wasn't totally feeling the sentiment started to gnaw on my worries…
Thankfully, that familiar pang of self-doubt faded away when I was suddenly embraced in a bone-crushing hug courtesy of Darkness. On second thought, I wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse in disguise as I could feel myself slowly losing precious oxygen.
"I'm so very sorry those monks treated you so poorly, Jack! If I could somehow suck the suffering you've endured out of you and take it in your place, I'd do it in a heartbeat," She swore to me, and for once, I didn't get the inclination that she meant it in a pervy way. Just...genuinely remorseful.
Well, she'd probably still get a kick out of it anyway, but that's beside the point.
"Dark…air…LUNGS…!" I wheezed out, prompting the insanely strong woman to release me from her death hug. Though, honestly, given some of the things I've seen this world had to offer, I think I can confidently say that wouldn't have been one of the more horrible ways to go. "Thank you…for both releasing me and the kind words."
"Of course. Again, I'm very sorry for what you had to go through," Darkness replied, truly visible concern still shining through despite the smile on her face. "If you can take solace in anything, I swear to you on my oath as a crusader that I shall never disrespect you in such a way."
First Megumin, now Dark. If these ladies keep this up, I was gonna start blushing like an idiot. Speaking of which…what's up with Aqua?
"Those monks should be awfully grateful I'm not up in Heaven anymore," She murmured dangerously, catching my attention and making me flinch when I noticed the cold glare in her eyes. It wasn't outright scary like with Megumin, more like...unsettling. Like a scientist watching lab rats. "I could smite their stupid temple, or flood it with one heck of a storm. Oh, the ways I could even the score…"
"Uh…I hear Omi's supposed to be, like, the Xiaolin Dragon of Water or something along those lines?" I commented stupidly and admittedly fearfully. Not sure why I said that, really, I think I just wanted to see Aqua go back to being her usual, carefree self again.
Aqua's gaze flicked over to me, and almost instantly it softened dramatically. After a few seconds, she walked over to where I was still sitting on the bed, and offered me a surprisingly serious look before addressing me.
"Spicer-sama, I swear to you on my holy powers and stature of godhood that I will stand by your side as your loyal ally, so long as you'll have me of course."
Woah…that was…heavy. It's so weird, whenever you hear normally unserious people say stuff like that it really just makes you go- -
"Damn…" I muttered softly, feeling a familiar wetness begin to form in the corner of my eyes. "I-I don't know what to say to that. I wish I knew but I'm not super good with words…"
"You don't have to say anything at all...though a yes wouldn't hurt," Aqua replied, a small smile rising on her face before she reached out and patted my hand. "We're more than just your teammates, Jack. We're your family! And I promise that we will do everything in our power to help you."
Family. Just like what Darkness said. Aqua thought that too apparently. Does that also mean…?
I was given my answer when I felt two, skinny arms snake their way around my torso and looked down to find a certain Crimson Demon giving me a bright, silly smile, her red eyes glowing in a more subdued intensity compared to when she was blowing hot air over the monks' past treatment towards me.
"Ditto, in case it wasn't clear yet," She chuckled, and suddenly I felt...strange. Happy, honestly, more so than I expected given the goddamn emotional rollercoaster the last ten minutes had presented me...but happy all the same. The girls were my family now, and nothing was going to change that.
And as Aqua and Darkness joined in on the group hug, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to cry. Not the normal dry heaving, ugly kind of crying I was usually mocked for but simply the silent happy cry. My mascara was almost definitely runny as all hell at this point but I couldn't care less as, for once in both my lives, I felt safe. And I made sure to let them know it with two simple words, even if they were going to correct me for it immediately after I said them:
"Thank you…"
Okay, now THIS is officially my longest chapter yet. Not that that's a bad thing necessarily, but still, over 14,000 words? Dang...my partner and I write too much for our own good sometimes.
So yeah, while maybe not the emotionally-charged make-up fight some of you wanted between Jack and Kazuma, I felt this would make for a great substitute while still achieving the same goal. Truthfully, my buddy and I preferred having the two as bickering "frenemies" rather than just flat-out enemies. Hell, the whole reason I even made this crossover in the first place was because I felt Jack had enough similarities to Kazuma while still being unique enough to hold his own. They won't be besties of course, more like..."playful rivals"? Or maybe just plain old rivals actually. Either way, there's other people out there to serve as antagonists for Jack, like a certain ex-magic sword wielder perhaps, hmmm?
Also, I threw in that little paragraph about Jack supposedly being mistaken about Earth getting conquered a third time as a means of addressing the time he did take over in an alternate timeline. I haven't forgotten about that little detail, guys, I swear. I'm still brainstorming how/when it'll come up in future conversation so I wrote that bit in as a temporary placeholder until I do. Just be patient please.
Well, I believe that just about covers my after-chapter thoughts. Swood on, everyone!
