Usagi stood there staring out over the park. The light of the full moon illuminated everything. It was breathtaking. However, it didn't match her mood. She was heartbroken. She tripped again during her battle that night, and Rei snarled at her and told her she was useless.
After the battle was won, by Usagi, dusting the Youma. Rei lit into her and how ineffective she was. That part hadn't hurt her. What had caused her current mood was that no one came to her defense this time. Not one of her friends said anything.
She detransformed and sat on a bench and sighed. She didn't want to be Sailor Moon. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want to be bad at another thing in her life. She was so damn exhausted. She looked at her transformation broach and slipped it into her subspace pocket. She didn't want to have it on her right now. It made her feel weighed down, almost like it was a talisman for her insecurities.
She laid down flat on her back on the bench and reached up toward the Moon as if she could caress the shining beacon. She wanted to go home to escape from her life here on Earth. She wondered if she could survive on the Moon in its current state since it was where she was born in her first life. It looked so peaceful. Yes, from their vantage point on the Earth, it was constantly changing. But she assumed actually being on the moon would be calming.
She pressed her hand to her heart and whispered, "I'm just so tired of failing everyone and letting each person down. Not one of them seems to believe I'm doing anything right. Not one of them sees how terrified I am every day. Not one of them sees me."
Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she didn't even try to wipe them away. She didn't care that they fell. She had long since stopped fighting back against her tears. They often came now, and not in her crybaby-Usagi way. Now she usually wept in the shower to cover the sound of her sobbing. She then would put on makeup to hide her puffy eyes. If it were really bad, she would sneak and use the Luna pen. She'd then exit, smiling at Luna, and make her way through the day.
Three weeks ago, Rei had surprised Usagi by insisting that Mamoru had started being nicer to Usagi. Ever since that comment, Rei's temper with her seemed to have gotten worse. Rei had a massive crush on him and was pissed. It got even worse a week later when he had expressed surprise to Rei that she thought they were on a date when they were having coffee at the arcade. His explanation that he thought they were chatting while they waited for Usagi made her furious.
Usagi snorted out loud. Mamoru was not nicer to her like Rei insisted. He constantly picked on everything about her. There didn't seem to be one thing about her that he approved of in any way. In fact, he seemed to be disappointed in her constantly.
She let her outstretched hand drop to her side and sighed again. She was so exhausted. That exhaustion seemed a constant in her life. She sat up and noticed when she detransformed, she was in her pajamas. Oops. It depressed her that it was one more dumb thing she did.
She stood and slowly started to make her way back home. Despite her clothes, she wasn't in any hurry to get home and see Luna. That impending lecture wouldn't improve her mood.
She glanced up, and Mamoru was standing in her path as if he'd materialized there. She let out a little squeak of surprise and stumbled. She managed to right herself, and she was relieved she didn't fall down in front of him again.
"What -"
"You've been crying."
She shrugged, trying to brush it off, and wiped her cheeks. "Don't worry about me. You know I'm a crybaby. I chipped a nail or something. It made me sad."
He shook his head harshly. "No, you didn't chip a nail. Tell me the truth."
She tried not to panic, and she thought fast. She decided to stay as close to the truth as possible. "I fought with one of my friends. She's disappointed in me."
Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Then she's an idiot."
"Why?" She asked in shock. "There's tons to be disappointed in me about. You point them out constantly."
"But I don't mean any of it," he said in frustration.
She looked at him with wide eyes, "You don't?"
His mouth fell open in shock. "Wait, you think I mean everything I say?"
She nodded, "Don't worry, I'm used to it, and you're right, I'm terrible at everything."
"But -"
She held up her hand to stop him from talking, "Don't worry about it all. It's nice of you to try to comfort me."
"But I don't mean the awful things I say."
She gave him a small smile. "I believe you."
When she walked away, he knew she was lying to him. She didn't believe what he said, which shook him to his core. He thought back to everything he'd said to her, and bile rose in his throat. He was recoiling in horror over the idea that she believed he truly meant the awful things he said to her.
Mamoru decided to continue his walk through the park. He now needed the fresh air and the light of the moon to help him think more than ever.
After the battle, he'd been angry and wanted to walk and get his frustration out, and he didn't know why, but the Moon always had a calming effect on him. He was tired of always watching Sailor Moon defeat the youma time after time. Each time the other scouts stood back, let her do most of the work, and then they censured her for her performance. A performance they didn't even seem capable of even attempting themselves.
Then after that, to his horror, he saw Usagi walking through the park at night wearing her so cute so her bunny pajamas and dry tear tracks on her perfect face. He wondered, not for the first time, why girls had to be so mean. She finally explained that one of her friends had been mean to her. He immediately dismissed her explanation that they'd been fighting. Usagi only fought with him. He also knew she wouldn't want to make her friend sound bad. Then during the conversation, he had the added revelation that he was the cause of some of her pain.
He raked his fingers through his hair roughly and growled out in frustration. He quickly made a decision. He would defend and protect the only two girls he valued in his life in every way he could without wavering.
The decision made him smile, and he looked up at the Moon. "Why? Why am I falling for two women when I've barely ever cared about anyone?" He shook his head in dark amusement that he could feel like the Moon held the answer to all his questions.
It wasn't until he was halfway home that he realized that he should have offered to walk Usagi home if he planned on protecting her. "Idiot," he mumbled to himself.
It was the next day, while Mamoru was sipping his black coffee at the arcade in the morning, that he overheard someone say that Sailor Mars was the best Senshi. He set down his cup, turned in his seat, and said, "Have you been paying any attention at all?"
The girl looked at him wide-eyed, shocked that he was even talking to her, and she shrugged. "Her powers are so neat." She tried not to tremble from his fierce stare.
He rolled his eyes, "Without Sailor Moon, they would all be dead. Her powers might be 'neat,' but Sailor Moon does the real heavy lifting. She's the only one that can dust those things."
"What?"
"Haven't you noticed that she's the only one who can defeat them?"
"No…" She paused and looked thoughtful and then said, "Now that you mention it… hmmm. You're right."
Mamoru nodded in approval and turned back to his coffee, dismissing her immediately. Motoki wiped down the counter and whispered, "Is that why Tuxedo Mask always protects Sailor Moon?" He gave his friend a wry smile.
"You know I didn't have the answer to that before."
"You do now?" Motoki looked at him in shock.
Mamoru darted his eyes around for anyone who could overhear and whispered, "I've realized she's the one worth protecting, the one who the others don't really value enough. They don't deserve her."
"They?"
"The other Senshi. Sailor Mars was awful to her last night, and she didn't deserve any of the censure. And yet not one of the girls stood up for her. I'm done with letting them rip her apart. She's been fighting since the beginning, and she's improved so much. Plus, I meant what I said. They would be dead without her."
Motoki had stopped cleaning the counter and rested on his elbow. "So you're defending her to random strangers?"
Mamoru blushed. "I know it seems silly, but it was a place to start."
"You know now all the girls here are going to say they like Sailor Moon the most to get your attention." Motoki paused, "Well, it will have more people praising Sailor Moon."
Mamoru rolled his eyes. "It would be better if they meant what they said."
Just then, he felt the air change, and he turned to look at the door, and sure enough, Usagi had walked in. In her haste to say hello to Motoki, she tripped and ended up on her butt on the floor.
Mamoru watched her sigh sadly and mumble something before beginning to pick up her scattered belongings. He hopped off his stool and made his way over to help her. As he collected her books and papers in a pile, he gave her a small smile. She huffed in annoyance and said in a mocking and fake deep voice, "Can't you do anything right, Odango?"
"I wasn't going to say that," he defended while he tucked her things into her bag.
Maintaining the mocking voice, but now in her normal tone, she said, "Shockingly, I'm not creative enough to come up with the insult you were going to use."
"I wasn't going to pick on you."
They both stood, and she placed her hand on his forehead. "Are you ill? This doesn't sound like the Mamoru I know. Of course, you were going to pick on me."
He sighed in frustration and gently grabbed her wrist, and pulled her with him. He then held up his other hand and, looking at Motoki, said, "Keys for the break room, please." Motoki pulled the keys from his pocket and tossed them without question to Mamoru, who caught them effortlessly and drew Usagi along with him.
When he got them into the break room, he indicated she should sit on the couch. She sat and smoothed her skirt as she did.
He looked down into her big blue eyes and sighed out. He growled then and said, "I meant what I said. I didn't mean… okay, That does sound confusing out loud." He then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I…"
Usagi's face scrunched up in confusion. "But I fell down; I deserve the things you say when you pick on me."
"No! You don't deserve a man tearing you down."
"But everyone -"
"That's the fucking problem!" He yelled out, cutting her off and shocking her into silence. He hadn't ever sworn in front of her before. In fact, he couldn't remember ever swearing. "You're so sweet, and you surround yourself with jerks!"
"But…" she then cocked her head at him questioningly, "What?"
"Rei," he huffed out. "What's her problem with you lately? She was bad before, but it's gotten even worse somehow."
Usagi blushed and looked at her knees. "She… um, she likes you, and she thinks that maybe, kinda, that you mostly pay attention to me. I told her she was ridiculous. Don't worry. I don't have any illusions that you'd -"
Mamoru snorted out a laugh. "So, at least she has a valid reason for jealousy."
"Wha…?" She looked up at him abruptly with shock on her face.
"You are the only woman I pay any attention to," except Sailor Moon, he mentally added.
"Why?"
"You're one of the best women I know."
"I'm a mess! I fall down, I get terrible grades, and I'm a crybaby. I can't be the best."
"You're remarkable. Who you are, the part on the inside, you're loving and accepting. You see the good in everyone except yourself. When you talk to me, when we fight, I feel seen. I'm a jerk to you, so that you'll pay attention to me."
"But I would pay attention to you no matter what."
Now he was looking at her in absolute shock. "You would?"
"I like talking to you, Mamoru-Baka."
"Why would you enjoy talking to me?"
"You're right about me. I see the good in you. I see the man who works so hard to achieve his goals—the man who is a good friend to Motoki. And despite the fact that you picked on me, I know if I ever needed your help, you wouldn't hesitate to be there for me. You laugh at me for falling, but you're always there to pick me back up."
He moved off the couch and hunched down in front of her, staring into her eyes. "Do you really believe that about me?"
"I know that about you," she said with firm conviction.
"Rei's about to get worse."
"What? Why?" she looked at him in complete confusion.
"Well, that is if you'll agree to go on a date with me." He then looked at her nervously.
"You're asking me on a date?"
"I should probably take you out before I kiss you, and I desperately want to kiss your perfect lips right now."
He watched her swallow hard. "You want to k-kiss m-me?"
"With everything in me, Usagi."
She blinked a few times and slowly nodded. "That sounds good. The date and the… k-kiss."
He smiled at her, and all the tension he didn't realize he had in his shoulders left him suddenly. "Can I buy you a milkshake?" He realized it was just too easy to lean forward and kiss her, so he sat back down next to her on the couch.
"You want the d-date now?"
He gave her a lopsided smile and said, "The sooner the date, the sooner I can kiss you."
She giggled, "I'd let you kiss me now, Mamo-chan."
That little admission was enough for him, but then the sound of the nickname she gave him sent him over the edge. He faced her, cupped the back of her head, and lowered his mouth to hers. Her lips were impossibly soft and tasted like strawberry lip gloss. He knew when he deepened the kiss that she wasn't expecting more than a chaste meeting of lips. He couldn't find it in himself to care. Particularly not when she moaned into his mouth as his tongue stroked hers. His other hand found its way to the small of her back and pulled her to him possessively. When the kiss ended, she sat sideways in his lap with her arms around his neck.
He smiled down at her, kissed her forehead, and said, "I'm going to be needing lots of those kisses."
She nodded back and looked up at him with the tenderest look he'd ever seen, and it was directed at him. She then said, "I'm a big fan of kissing like that. Who knew?"
"Who knew?"
"I've been kissed once before, but not like that."
Suddenly his gut clenched. He didn't like the idea that he wasn't her first kiss. He didn't care at how unfair that was. She wasn't his first kiss; Sailor Moon was. "Who?" He wanted to know so he could keep the man away from her in the future. He knew he was a jealous ass, but he didn't care.
She looked at him in confusion. "You're upset?"
"I wanted to be your first kiss," he easily admitted. "Do you still have feelings for the guy?" He couldn't help himself.
"I did have some."
"What changed?"
"You."
He rested his forehead on hers and breathed in her sweet flowery perfume. "Please. I need to know."
"Was I your first kiss?" She asked instead of answering.
"No."
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's just that you're amazing, and I believe you can have anyone. I don't like the idea that there's another guy out there after you."
She shook her head, "He's not after me. Don't worry. I'm… What changed was that this guy I had a crush on asked me out on a date."
"Me. I made your feelings for him change?"
"I had a crush on two guys," she admitted nervously. "Why wouldn't I give the other crush up when my feelings for you seem to be returned."
"Seem to be? You doubt me?"
"No! Don't get me wrong. I'm looking forward to our date. I just… it would be nice if you wanted to keep seeing me after that."
"Usagi-Baka, if you think this will end with one date, you're crazy. I didn't get beyond asking for more because I was focused on my deep desire to kiss you. Will you be my girlfriend, Usako?" Her only answer was to kiss him back passionately.
He was right. After that, Rei was so much worse.
One week and two youma battles later, he was done with all the jealousy. He felt like all his waking moments were used up defending two women. One he'd already come to love deeply but hadn't told her yet, and the other one he would always feel like he had to protect.
Rei had been increasingly hostile to Usagi all week. She even became clingy around him, and she knew he was dating Usagi. He quickly put her in her place when he told her to never touch him again. She glared at Usagi and left the arcade in a huff.
Sailor Mars wasn't any better; it was after the second youma battle that, instead of slipping away, he stayed and screamed, "What the hell is your problem, Sailor Mars? Without Sailor Moon, not one of you would be able to do anything. You and Sailor Jupiter launch ineffective attacks, and Sailor Mercury hides behind her computer. Sailor Moon is the one who dusts the stupid things every damn time!"
Sailor Mars rounded on him, shrieking, "If she's so great, why do you have to save her all the time?!" She smirked at her comeback.
"Because she's out there risking her life, putting herself in danger –none of you will," he yelled, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. "I protect her because she doesn't protect herself. After all, you three sure are zero help in keeping her safe."
"That's not fair!" She screamed in his face.
He screamed back, "You're right. It's not fair. To her, you selfish woman!"
"She falls down all the time!" Sailor Mars was incensed, and nothing he said now could cool her ire.
"You're just jealous that she's more needed than you are. You're jealous that you can't defeat the monsters and be the leader!" He glared at the Senshi and added, "I know another woman like you in my civilian life. You're both full of petty jealousy of women who would do anything for you; talk about unfairness."
He was so frustrated with Sailor Mars and Rei both. Both women had gotten worse lately. Jealousy seemed to be something poisoning them, and… And then it hit him. He almost staggered back. He didn't know why it was that moment more than any other coincidence before. Maybe it was because he was defending Usagi and Sailor Moon both that week, and that felt as important and as natural as breathing. Suddenly he saw them all for who they were really for. Sailor Mars was exactly like the jealous Rei. She was her.
He then spun to look at Sailor Moon, no Usagi, his Usako. His first feeling looking at her was relief. He was her first kiss.
He turned back around and glared at Rei. He didn't want to let them know he'd had a revelation of who they were. "Grow up," he said simply, and then he did his regular disappearing act. He had to get away before he gave away what he knew.
Once he was far enough away, he texted Usagi, "Please come over. I desperately need to see you tonight."
Usagi showed up wearing a smile that didn't reach her eyes. He was sure that Rei had lit into her more after he left. It made him furious, but since there was nothing he could do about her now, he pushed it aside.
"Rough night?" He asked lightly instead.
She deflated even more at that question, and it confused him. "I can't really talk about it, and I hate that so much."
Warmth blossomed in his chest at hearing that she didn't like hiding who she was from him. Well, he'd fix that. "Sailor Moon stuff, I assume."
She looked at him with her mouth open and her eyes comically wide in shock, "What…? How?" He then watched her shake herself a bit and say, "I mean, no. Why would you think that?"
He pulled a rose out of nowhere, and he transformed into Tuxedo Kamen and handed it to her. "Sailor Mars really needs to get over herself."
Usagi was now looking up at him from her butt on the floor. All her power had deserted her, and her legs collapsed under the shocking realization that he was her caped hero. "How is this possible?"
"Is it really shocking that the woman I'm drawn to and the woman I feel the deep pull to protect are one and the same?" He dropped his transformation and helped her up. "By the way. You were my first kiss," he said proudly, holding her to him and caressing her cheek.
She blushed, "You were mine too. I'm sorry, but I didn't think you'd take it well if I told you that Tuxedo Kamen was my first kiss."
"If I weren't him, you'd probably be right."
"When did you figure it out?"
"Tonight. It was Sailor Mars, actually. I was furious with her, and thinking about how similar she and Rei were, that suddenly opened my eyes. Well, that and how they're both mean to women who don't deserve her rebuke."
Usagi wrapped her arms around Mamoru. He then said, "I love you. You need to know that. I would have said it sooner, but I didn't feel I could while I still raced off, sometimes from spending time with you, to save Sailor Moon."
She giggled and fisted his shirt in her hands. "It was a relief, actually. You made it easy for me to slip away every time. You must sense them like I do."
"I didn't use to. Lately, I've started to be able to sense them. I think I get that from being closer emotionally to you. I can defend you better if I know what's coming."
"Mamo-chan, I-I love you too. I'm so relieved."
"Why?"
"Because deep down, I still had a crush on Tuxedo Kamen a bit. I didn't want to admit that, but it's true."
"I shouldn't be jealous about that, but I am. Isn't that foolish?" He said into her hair as he clung to her.
"I'm jealous that you rescued Sailor Moon, so I understand."
He laughed, "We're both being ridiculous."
"Yeah, but we're in love. I think we can claim that as an excuse."
"I like the sound of that, 'we're in love' it's us, together."
"Of course, it is Mamo-Chan. Don't you feel it?"
"What?"
"How right we are together? How happy you make me?"
"I make you happy? How is that possible?"
"Oh Mamoru-Baka, you make my whole world bright. I love having a hero. One who rescues me, in either form."
