Santana - 27th May 2016

"I'm gone for today, see you tomorrow!", I shout towards the office, while putting my uniform back into the locker and then leaving the diner with my purse.

It's 6 pm, so the town is overcrowded. When I go to work at 7 am the city is already crowded, but in the evening, it looks like happy hour everywhere.

After nearly 4 years in New York, I got used to it. At the beginning I was absolutely lost. Always, I took the wrong train or went into the wrong direction and – boom – I was in nowhere.

I wouldn't call myself a total new yorker, but I'm familiar with the area and I'm always playing tour guide, when family and friends are visiting.

Tired because of my work I take the fastest route to my home. It takes about 30 minutes. It's a curse and a blessing at the same time for us, that we're not living in the center. The way to the diner or the college is long, but at least it's quiet here.

With 'us' I mean Rachel, our cat Leo and me. I wanted to call him Leonardo DiCaprio, but I'm fine with our compromise, Leo. Rachel and I know each other since high school and after it was clear, that we both want to go to New York, we agreed to move in together. NY is expensive, so we can save a lot of money by living together.

As soon as I think about Rachel, the music, I listen to with my headphones gets replaced with a computer voice, that says, that the brunette is calling.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you, what's up?"

"Don't let Sam hear that, otherwise he gets jealous", she's laughing, infects me with it.

Yeah, my boyfriend can be a handful sometimes. He gets threatening by everyone, men or women, even by Rachel.

"I just called to say that I'm running late tonight, I have rehearsals and – "

The call ends because of a lost connection.

I hope we have at least a few hours of my birthday. We saw each other only at breakfast. Sam is out of town till the end of the week, because of its work as a deputy managing director of his mother's restaurant chain. Since I have to work, I couldn't travel with him, so some of his friends accompany him.

Because no one's at home, except Leo, who's just chilling on the couch, I decide to go for a walk, where I answer some birthday wishes from my friends and family.

None of them can visit me today because they're all spread across the county. I have to get up early tomorrow, so no big party tonight. Highlight of the day will be movie night with Leo and hopefully Rachel.

After my walk I'm home about 8 pm.

"It's not so hard to switch the light off, when you leave", I'm annoyed, because it's not the first time, that Rachel forgot it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to sit in the dark", I hear her voice, immediately I get goosebumps. I don't want to turn around and get lost in those blue eyes. I don't want to talk with her, I know I'm not ready for it, never will be.

"My pronunciation will never be perfect and probably I won't say more than this, but feliz cumpleaños, Santana", she wishes me happy birthday and immediately I start crying.

I tried to teach her Spanish for years, but she could only remember a few words.

"Thank you", I mumble, still trying not to look into her direction, but I hear footsteps, so she's coming closer.

Alright, I can't ignore her. I lift my head and see this beautiful blonde in front of me.

"These are for you", she holds a bouquet of tulips in front of my nose, which I take with shaky hands and sniff at them for a second.

"Can I hug you now?"

I can't say a word, the tears are getting more, so I nod my head and Brittany is pulling me into her arms. My face is buried in her neck, arms around her body. I have already dropped the flowers out of sheer excitement and a familiar scent tickles my nose. Immediately it feels like home.

Fuck, why does she do this to me?

We stand in the living room for 10 minutes until I calmed myself down and don't cry anymore. I break away from her neck and look right into her face. She smiles at me and on cue I smile back at her.

"Never it took me so long to get a smile on your face", she's wiping one last tear out of my face.

"But you were successful…what are you doing here?"

"I didn't want to miss another birthday."

"You know what I mean", I roll my eyes, bring a little distance between us.

"They had to discharge me, medical reasons."

"What happened?"

"PTSD, declared unfit for use."

I see her tense up. She doesn't want to talk about it, so I'm not asking further question. I know how fast Britt builds up her walls.

"How do you know where I live?", I change the subject to calm her down.

After she joined the army, we never had contact. We saw each other nearly every day and from one day to the other this person is gone.

I had nightmares, that something happened to her, and we never see each other again. So, I think it were also tears of joy that escaped me.

"I know a lot about you, Rach is a reliable source."

"You stayed in touch with her, but you didn't call me once?", I cross my arms angrily over my chest.

"It was better for us, San."

"No, it was better for you, so you could stop questioning your feelings for me", I'm getting louder, just want to cry again, but I'm not letting her win. I cried to many times because of Brittany.

"I'm sorry San. Can we make an exception tonight and not talk about the past, but celebrate your birthday? I even backed you a cake, chocolate with strawberry filling."

"I want you to leave", I look past her. I don't want to see her anymore; it is too much.

"Are you sure? I mean we could- ", she starts, but I interrupt her. "No, we can't. Nice that you can easily forget the past, but I can't. Go home, Britt, wherever this is for you."

"Okay", she sighs and brushes through her hair with her hand, "Well then I wish you a happy birthday evening, it was nice seeing you again."

She takes her travel bags and walks past me to the apartment door.

"I really missed you, Santana", she mumbles and then I hear the door closing.

As soon as she's gone, Leo crawls out, clings to my leg. I don't know how, but our cat recognize grief instantly.

/

"You understand me, right, buddy?", I stroke Leo's dark fur, while the original flickers across the TV screen.

Although Brittany's visit was two hours ago, I can't get over it. I have to stop thinking about her, just for a few minutes. I stop the movie and call my boyfriend.

"Hey baby, you've got a few minutes for me?", I greet him, nip on my wineglass.

"Wait a second, it's fucking loud in here", he yells as I realize background noises.

Is he in a club?

"Evans, here is a sweet ass wait- ", I hear another voice and then the phone call is over.

Wow, is he serious? Pissed I drink my glass empty, fill it up again as I see him calling again.

"Isn't a sweet ass waiting for you?" I bark at him, so loud that I scare Leo, who runs away from me.

"Sorry babe, the guys just making fun. How is your birthday?", he changes the subject. I'm too tired to fight with him. Doesn't sound like a business trip to me, but what do I know, right?

"Nothing special, I miss you."

"I miss you, too, but hey, I'm back on Friday and then we go out in a restaurant of your choice, how does this sound?"

BORING. We're nearly a year together and most of the times we go out eating. I want to experience things, but Sam is always tired after work, so it doesn't happen.

"Sounds amazing."

"Don't be sad, I'm back before you know it."

Should I feel bad because my sadness is not because of him?

"I know", I sigh, when I hear the door lock, "Rach is coming, I hung up now, okay?"

"Alright baby, have fun, I love you."

"Love you, too. Ciao", I end our call, look at Rachel, who has a wineglass in her hands and joins me now on our couch.

"Sam?", she asks and fills her glass.

"I'm mad at you", I slide away from her to the other end of the couch.

"So it wasn't a good surprise."

"You really thought we would be sitting here and talking about our lives?"

"I thought her cake would save the situation."

"Haven't had a bite. You can have him…traitor", I reply, and press play so the movie goes on.

"You're only watching Titanic when you want to cry. Was it that bad? Were you happy at all?"

"I thought we were over", I bend my knees and rest my head on them.

"Don't cry Santana, please, not on your birthday", she mumbles and then pulls me into her arms.

Rachel is right. I'm not crying on my birthday. Not again.

"Cake?", I whisper on her neck, hear my roommate laughing.

"Stay here, I'll get him."

Rachel stays up and comes back shortly with plates and a knife.

"As mad as you are, the cake looks heavenly. She knows what you love", Rach cuts the cake and puts one piece on both plates.

"5 years in a row I got a cake, every time another taste. She wrote it down, so I wouldn't get the same twice", I remember my last birthdays I spent with Britt. Those were the best in my life.

"Cheers to you", Rachel smiles and holds her piece of cake in the air.

"Cheers to me", I reply, push my piece a little bit against hers and then I take a bite.

Britt has many talents; backing is one of them.

Why did she leave? She could have been the best pastry chef in New York. She could have been here with me.

"You'll call her?", Rach asks, after we spent the last minutes in silence with the cake.

"Never. It took me years to forget her and I'm not changing that."

I mean it. Britt cost me many sleepless nights full of tears.

"Don't you think you could fix it? I know both of you very well and I know this thing between you will never be over."

I look at the clock on the wall and then at Rachel.

"I still have 22 minutes of my birthday; can we spend them without talking?"

The brunette nods and locks her mouth with an imaginary key.

That's why I love my bestie.

/

The day goes by slowly. My work in the diner starts early and goes on till afternoon. But nothing will end my good mood today, because tonight I'm finally back on stage.

Besides acting, music is my biggest passion. If I have to decide, I would choose acting, but I'm in NY, so I can be anything, even a singing actress.

But I can't be too late.

It looks like it because my train doesn't show up on the right time. I need to go home, showering and change my clothes. I look and smell like diner.

Frustrated I send Rachel a message. She should be in her theatre class, dying of boredom. Rachel is too talented; she doesn't learn anything new there.

It takes five minutes and then Rachel is calling me, asking about my current location. Without overthinking I reply and then she ends the call.

Thanks for talking!

I know it's just some songs in a bar but maybe there is this one person who could get me a foot in the door. But if I don't show up because of this stupid train, it won't happen.

Walk back to the diner, I got your rescue

Most of the times I don't like Rachels ideas, but right now I have no other choice, because my train won't show up. With my head down I walk the way back as I hear my name calling.

I look to the left, where I see my roomie waving out of the passenger window.

"Get in, we don't have time", she yells and with fast steps I walk to the car, which looks familiar to me. I know why when I see the driver.

Automatically my hand goes for the door handle because I just want to leave, but Britt noticed it and locks the door.

"I just drive you home and then back in the city", she tries to calm me down, while starting to drive.

I fasten my seatbelt and then I look through the window. If I watch her just one more second, then I'm not able to stop and that would be embarrassing.

"Hey you idiot, did you mix up gas and brake again?!", she yells out of the window, that's why I'm looking to her.

"You know there is a thing called horn", I can't cut my tongue. I hate traffic in New York, that's why I'm taking the train…. or not.

"He's driving again, see", she looks back to me and then Rachel helps her through the streets.

I can't look away. She's wearing glasses now when she drives the car. Her eyes seem bigger than before.

Fuck, she's hypnotizing me with them!

Quickly my eyes wander back to the window, and I try to concentrate on anything but her. I keep an eye on my watch and I'm getting more nervous as another minute passes by. I need to hurry if I want to be there on time.

As soon as we arrive, I jump out of the car, take the keys out of my purse and run.

I showered, put on new make-up and dressed at record speed. I was even able to dry and straighten my hair.

With one last look at the clock, I see that we have to be fast, otherwise it was all for nothing.

/

Mission accomplished!

On the exact time I'm standing with Dave, the owner of the bar and I'm ready for my performance. In 10 minutes, I'm on stage, performing three songs.

"See, I knew we would make it!", Rachel puts her arm around my shoulder.

"Where's Britt?", I look behind us, but the blonde isn't there.

"Gone, she just played our driver. Or did you want her to stay? If so, then maybe you should have been clearer. To her it looked like you don't want to have her here."

Maybe it would have been good to show her that I have a happy life without her.

But maybe it's better like this. Out of sight, out of mind.

Hello hello, welcome to my first story here. I'm already apologizing because English isn't my native language. I'm sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes, I hope it's still readable. :D

I hope nobody gets confused with the dates, I highlight it every time, I hope this will help. And yes I write in present time, because I'm used to it in German. :D